gnarley9t

Yeah that's tough stuff. I've been through that and regardless of how you go about handling it, it has been my experience that you will eventually get through it and come out that much more experienced and (especially for me) secure about your abdl side both in and outside of a relationship. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. I had an ex wife who completely despised my abdl side and I tried to supress it in order to please her and after my divorce, I met a girl who had no hang ups about it and totally enjoyed playing the mommy role. I had a lot of amazing times with my ex girlfriend, I basically got to experience everything that I honestly believed was never going to be possible for me, everything from being cared for like a baby to how close it brought us our intimacy outside of the abdl play. But unfortunately our intimacy was the only thing strong with our relationship. Everything outside the bedroom was just a fucking wreck, we were just incompatible in this side of things from the get go but I hung in there and bent over backwards volunteering myself to help support her and her son, hoping that eventually she could support herself and our daily lives out side of the bedroom could be just as strong as it was in it. It didn't happen and it fucking ripped my god damn heart out having to break up with her. We made up and broke up a few times after that first break up but then the final nail in the coffin was her breaking up with me the last time by moving away to another state to marry a guy on a whim. Talk about being completely emotionally annihilated... I missed that abdl bond I had with her and was so afraid that I would never experience it again that I ran back to her time and time again and I always suspected she was a player and sure enough in the end I get my suspicions proved right on what my gut was telling me the whole time... I told you the major points of my experience with this just to emphasize that if you are in just a fraction of the anguish and hopelessness I was in when my relationship was in its death throes and then finally ended in its burst of flames them I'm here to tell you, you can get through this. I would advise to just focus on rediscovering what you love doing in life outside the realm of love relationships and your abdl side for awhile, and yes, I couldn't think about my abdl side without thinking about her for the longest time. There is no easy way for me to break that part of it to you but I can say that it does get easier and eventually it just won't be a big deal. I still think about her at times when I'm treating myself to some baby time but it truly doesn't bother me these days. Being with my ex gf has also shown me what made me and my ex wife's relationship work as well as it did... and I guess that my main point with all this, just grieve what you have to grieve and then just immerse yourself into all the passions you have in other aspects of your life while keeping an eye out for another potential lover. I hope this helps man, because getting over my ex girlfriend was the most emotionally painful experience of my life, no bull shit.

Yeah abdl25, great post. I have been on both sides of the spectrum with the two major relationships I have been in. I will try to make this brief. My ex wife was repulsed by my abdl side but everything outside the bedroom was damn near perfect. We'll just say that she had her own issues and I caught her communicating with an ex boyfriend behind my back, I lost all trust and divorced her. Then I met a girl who fulfilled my every fantasy, not only whenever I wanted but she would initiate it most of the time and encourage me to just let go and let her take control. Yeah, it was great and all but you know what? Everything outside the bedroom was just a fucking trainwreck. It didn't take long before no matter how amazing she was playing mommy, I just could not ignore how incompatible we were outside the bedroom and every time we would play after I realized this I could not shove away the feeling that I was using her, thus ruining the only real connection we had, which was our lives inside the bedroom. She had her own kinks too and sexually, we always just had the hottest times man... But anyway, in my experience, there is just more to a happy, responsible relationship than having one aspect of it fulfilled, no matter how amazing that one aspect is.

Hey, what up. I'm from Omaha, welcome.

Yeah poopit, I used to think just like you, but then again, when I thought this way, I was very ashamed about being abdl and as others have mentioned in this thread, I believe its this 'self manufactured' shame encouraged by the full of shit status quo that compels us to fulfill this lonely 'freakshow' destiny for ourselves. It was this thinking that caused me to never open up about being abdl with any of my girlfriends till I met the girlfriend that would become my ex-wife. About 6 months into that relationship I opened up to her about being abdl and she was literally freaked the fuck out. Now, if this were to happen today, a reaction as fucked as that was would be no big deal and a sure fire sign that I simply am not compatible with a girl and it would be time to bail, but at that time, I was so insecure about being abdl that her awful reaction just fed right into the lifetime's worth of shame I had for being abdl and yes, I believed I was a disgusting freak that needed a lifetime of therapy to 'cure' me so I could meet the standards of what the status quo believes a male adult should be within the confines of a relationship. Long story short, all was well with me and my ex-wife as long as I just did my abdl stuff by myself and never mentioned a word of it to her. We get married hoping we will come around to meet the others expectations, of course this doesn't happen, our sex life turns into a train wreck, and then yadda, yadda, yadda, she cheats on me, then I divorce her. It was at this point that I decided to get to the bottom of my abdl-ism with a therapist. Did that, and in time found that the problem wasn't being abdl, the problem was my beliefs about it. So since this 180 in perception about being abdl, I have dated a few women in high confidence of my self should the relationship get far enough to where I would disclose this part of myself. And one of those girls I dated did turn into a year long relationship. About a month in, I told her that I was abdl, sure, I was nervous, but I knew it had to be done. She not only accepted it but until other circumstances ended our relationship, I had a mommy that actually enjoyed babying me whenever we could find the time. So dude, I don't believe the problem is being abdl. The way I see it, the problem within the confines of a relationship are, 1. how YOU perceive being abdl within yourself 2. How compatible you really are with a partner (because it does not matter what they think, YOU do not have to be in a relationship with them) and 3. ( I did not mention it above but its very important) if you are lucky enough to find a partner who indulges you, don't be a selfish prick, you better be rocking their world as much as they are rocking yours. So yeah dude, I believe we fulfill our own destinies, and if you can't change the perception of being abdl within yourself on your own, I am a strong advocate of seeking out the right therapist, it worked wonders for me.

...I would also ask, all abdl talk aside, how are YOU in these relationships? I mean, I think it's one thing for a girl to not be into it, but to give you a fucked up reaction or just stop talking to you? It sounds to me that either you have some non-abdl related issues to look at or you just need to start feeling these girls out a little better, and get a good sense that you can trust them before you drop being abdl on them. I should probably mention that I have dated two other girls after my ex-wife besides the two I already mentioned. First of all, I didn't sleep with these women and secondly, it didn't take long dating these two women to sense that to just trust them with non-abdl issues was going to be a stretch, so to actually open up to them about being abdl? Forget about it dude! I stopped seeing them shortly after this realization for both.

Yeah, I don't think there is a sure fire calculated time in a relationship when to drop being abdl. I have told the past 3 women I have slept with about it, all with different results. It wasn't until my first real relationship that I came out about it and that was with what turned out to be my ex-wife. Big, long, insane story there dude, so I will spare you that and just say she did not accept it. The next girl I was with wasn't just accepting about it but she very much enjoyed being my mommy. She had her own kinks though, one of them as extreme as knife play, so yeah, the whole abdl deal was not a big deal at all with her. I tried like hell to make that relationship work but unfortunately, to much 'outside the bedroom' bull shit just became absolutely unbearable to me, so for the good of my sanity I had to break it off. And then the last girl I was with, I told her about it and when I did, I didn't get any reaction out of her. I never got to find out if this 'no reaction' was a good thing or not because shortly after I told her, I started to not really feel it with her and ended up breaking up with her a few weeks later, but I can honestly say she was at least not repulsed about me being abdl because she was pretty bummed out while we were having the break up talk. So yeah man, in my experience I don't really think it mattets all that much when you tell a girlfriend because so far, I believe they are just simply going to either be into it or they are not. But to further stress the point of my last post, I can almost guarantee that if you a. never tell them and b.. just duck out and fulfill your desires behind their back, it ain't going to matter if they are completely willing to fulfill your fantasies, because they aren't going to want to be in a relationship with you in the first place.

not sure what you're trying to ask. but I will go out on a limb and say, that in my experience, sure, a girl who has prior experience indulging fetishes, or has a few herself, will have a much easier time wrapping their head around our fetish than a vanilla. But in the terms of a monogamous relationship, whether she is a vanilla or not, you ain't going to get very far with either of them if you are always out indulging your fetish elsewhere, plain and simple. Honesty and trust, what the fuck is a relationship without these two components?

disposableonly, I know it doesn't seem like it now but someday you are going to realize this is one of the best things to ever happen to you, because now you have that chance of finding that the woman who will love you completely. I haven't read this entire thread but I have checked it off and on throughout the months and I have read enough to know that I have had similar experience with my marriage. To keep it brief, me being ab/dl was a major contributor to my divorce from my un-accepting ex-wife. Well you know what? Sure, I was pretty fucked up about it for a while but fuck her, cause I ended up meeting a girl a year later who for a straight year was the mommy of my dreams. Unfortunately, there were other circumstances that brought that relationship to an end but the point is disposableonly you are a free man dude, anything is possible with another woman from here on out dude. Sure, there are some times I miss my ex-gf who not only willingly played my mommy but truly enjoyed it, but because I have met her, I know more than ever that it's very possible to meet another woman who will love me just the same. So yeah man, you are a free man, the woman of your dreams is now possible for you, you're going to be alright dude.

I have a bit of a story when it comes to this topic, but I'll keep it brief. I was introduced to therapy over being abdl when I was married to my un-accepting ex-wife, the goal was to cure me of my ailment of being abdl, needless to say this didn't work and was tagged by that therapist as a sex-addict that had better start attending Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings for my problem. After my much needed divorce, I became inspired to go back to therapy, but not to try and get rid of being abdl but to work towards accepting it about myself and not only learning to live with it but to truly enjoy it too. And all I got to say is that seeing a therapist over my infantilism has been one of the best things to ever happen to me. like others have mentioned, all therapists see things differently so if you try one out and they want to condemn you, ditch the fucker and try another till you find what works for you, shop around some if you have to. good luck.

Wow... I'll just put it to you like this. My ex-wife did not accept my infantilism and was very put off by it. Early in the relationship she gave playing the mommy role a few honest shots but she just couldn't do it. I am in a whole new understanding of my infantilism now a days as well as 100x more secure with it but back then I still had the mountain of shame that many of us crush ourselves with for being abdl. So, assuming that I was a sick, piece of shit for being abdl and that I wasn't 'normal' I decided to consider myself lucky that I at least had somebody and eventhough she will never be the mommy of my dreams (although I never stopped dreaming she was and that she would eventually come around someday) I will just have to make do by myself. Long, long, long story short, she eventually got all insecure that I loved and was sexually attracted to diapers more so than her, me still thinking I am a piece of shit with a serious problem convince myself she is right. We start going to marriage counseling, it goes nowhere cause I keep wearing in private and can't give it up. Our sexual and intimate relationship starts disintigrating. We start holding resentments against eachother, decide to get married anyway while both secretly hoping that the other will eventually come around. Nothing changes and she eventually has an affair on me. So, what's the moral of the story? Throughout all that bull shit, at no time did I ever seek a mommy else where and being that your selfish prick of a husband wants his cake and eat it too sickens me and you deserve better. So, do yourself a favor, divorce him and go find yourself a real man. The end of that marriage was a true blessing in disguise for me, cause as a result, I was inspired to get to the bottom of my infantilism with vigorous work with a therapist. In fact it was with one of the therapists my exwife and I scene when we were trying to pirge me of my 'problem'. Anyway, I eventually arrived to a point of such understanding and security of it within myself that it no longer was the ball and chain it once was but it actually became an asset. And since my divorce I have dated a few girls and one if them turned into a relationship where I.got to experience a mommy of my dreams for a year straight. Unfortunately, the relationship did not last but you know what? That relationship wouldn't have been possible if I stayed in the marriage going nowhere but deeper down the tubes with my exwife. And eventhough there are times I get lonely and miss how amazing my ex-girlfriend was, I always have that evidence that it can and WILL happen for me again. So, what amazing relationship are you missing out on staying with this selfish ass?

Yeah dude, I hope it works out for you and in my experience it would definitely better your chances if your gf has a fetish or 5 herself. I am pretty sure this is why my ex-gf didn't flinch what so ever when I told her about being abdl, cause after I told her, she told me about all the freaky stuff she was into. So, she could obviously empathize with how unexplainable the reasoning behind having a fetish is yet, how important it can be to having that fetish be a part of a sexual relationship. Anyhoo, again, I hope it works out when you tell her and worst case scenario, if you or her decides to bail over an unacceptance, then just please try to look at it as another opportunity to find the woman of your dreams because there is no point in selling yourself short. Yes, even for us abdl's, do not sell yourself short!!!

Yeah, I forgot to suggest when to tell her. It looks like the consensus of the thread is to wait till she gets back and that's fine and good, but I am of the school of thought that it really doesn't matter when you tell her cause either she is going to be into it or she isn't. The only thing I would ask yourself is, can you ever truly feel a part of the relationship witholding this major part of your life from her? Is this fair to you? Is this fair to her? This is the question I have had to ask myself a few times with the few girls I have dated or been with since my ex-wife. And I will tell you what, deciding to tell a girl I have been dating a bit about being abdl has been the best indicator for me if I see a future with the girl. 3 times I felt I couldn't tell her so then bam, I stopped dating them. I told one girl I dated for about a month cause I thought there was potential, it didn't end up going anywhere and we broke up a few weeks later but you know what? Not only was I open and honest from the start but since I know what I want and have become very secure with my infantilism, I didn't let the fear of her rejecting me or outing me get in the way and eventhough I have no idea if she would have accepted it or not it did not matter, what mattered was that at least she knew I was not hiding anything from her and I knew I was not hidng anything from her. And the other girl I dated after my ex-wife that I told about my infantilism, well, I already told you that story.

I had a similar situation with my ex-girl friend, she had a 3 year old and I had never dated a woman with a kid before. I was extremely worried she would get the idea I was a pedo too before I came out to her. Being abdl is sexual for me and if there was anything for me to learn from my failed marriage, it was to get my abdl out on the table as soon as possible. I could write a novel about how my insecure induced, binge/pirge abdl-ism ran rampant through the relationship with my disgusted, unaccepting ex-wife. The marriage was a major learning experience for me and my abdl-ism, so if you haven't already, decide how important being abdl is to you before you talk to her because sure, she could accept it and then you two get to focus on everything out side the bedroom to fight about. Or she, like my ex-wife, doesn't want anything to do with it, you are secure enough to walk away from the relationship if exploring your abdl with a lover is to important for you to give up and avoid possible years of pain and grief to you and you girlfriend trying to make something work that ain't going to work. So yeah, I ended up telling my ex-girlfriend with the three year old about being abdl, the thought of being a pedo never crossed her mind, she ended up telling me it was no big deal and asked me if I kept any 'items' in my closet. Yeah dude, she was holding me with a pacifier in my mouth that night, a few days later diapers were introduced and until other outside the bedroom circumstances became unbearable between us, for about a solid year I had the mommy of my dreams. P.S. if she does accept it and is willing to indulge you, don't be a selfish prick, you better be rocking her world in every way she is rocking yours, good luck dude