My darling husband, bbj, is an AB/DL; and for the majority of his life, it has been a source of shame, restlesness, resentment and ultimately rage. Rage is a harsh word, but when a person is confronted with something that he cannot control, a need he is powerless to stop and a want that he has been taught (within the somehow wonderful limitations of our societys 'acceptable behaviour' ) that is completely UNACCEPTABLE..Where does he go? Within himself, and there he finds the same needs and wants.
How is a person to feel complete, loved and ok when they are completely shamed within their own being
Where does such emotional turmoil go? Nowhere, nowhere but within their shattered and ultimately hurting soul.
Hence the anger; the rage at themselves to not be the person they are meant to be. The adult, the man, the responsible being that was brought into life and expected to uphold all the world his shoulders could take.
Funnily enough, I met my husband when we were both simply friends, and found the release of each others secrets simply a source of conversation.
As his needs were slowly revealed through our lives, I've slowly been overwhelmed, scared and I'll be honest, a little lost as to how I'll be what he needs..if I could at all.
The humour in this scenario is that I have a similar need, just minus the diapers...and I was left wondering how in the hell I could ever be there for him.
Then, well, it's still a work in progress, but when he is bbj, well I can't describe how much I want to protect him from the world, let him be that being that has been shamed and squashed for sooo many years. To hold him, love him, let him be is sincerely a joy within itself.
I guess love is truly all it takes...
After all, it's just a diaper.