About 3 months ago, I was at 134 lbs, I started a calorie counting diet. This worked great for weight loss and I started exercising and everything was going well. I kept telling myself how happy I was and everyone noticed the change. I have lost 18 lbs to date, and so you would think this is great, right? My problem is that I know I have developed an unhealthy problem with food. My entire day revolves around what I eat. I weigh myself at least every few hours, hoping for any little loss. I feel severe guilt when I see my calories aproach 500. Most days I eat less than 500. I can no longer put food in my mouth without knowing how many calories are in it. If I eat over 500, I get this fat, bloated feeling. I love waking up in the morning after a day of eating so little, and feeling lighter, and my stomach feeling empty.
It is too embarassing for me to talk to anyone, as I am still at a healthy weight. I feel they will think I am just looking for attention, since I am not skinny. I feel so fat everyday of my life, even though people tell me how great I look now, I still see the same overweight girl in the mirror. My metabolism has slowed down, and so has my weight loss, I still want to lose at least 5-7 more lbs. Which means I would have to restrict even more, and that truly scares me. I feel like there are two voices-one telling me to keep it up, you are doing great! and a little voice that tells me stop! you are hurting yourself, this little voice gets smaller everyday.
I don't think I actually have anorexia, since I am at a healthy weight, but I DO have a problem. I don't even think I can stop at this point, even knowing it is bad. Maybe when I finish losing the weight I want, but will it then be too late? I would really just like to talk to anyone.