Pollyanna Fleshman

Here are some more: Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A: A cherry float. Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? A: One's a Goodyear; the other's a great year. Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. Q: What's the difference between sin and shame? A: It's a sin to put it in, but a shame to pull it out. Q: What's another name for pickled bread? A: Dill dough. Q: Why is air a lot like sex? A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. Q: What did the nut say to the bolt? A: Screw me. Two men named Cecil and Scott live together. One very hot day, Cecil walked into the kitchen and found Scott with his butt up to the refrigerator. Cecil said, "Scott, what the heck is your butt doing in the refrigerator?" Scott said: "Because I wanted you to have something cool to slip into." Q: Why is Wednesday the best night of the week to hit the bars? A: Because it's "hump day." Q: How do you make a hormone? A: Easy -- don't pay her. Q: What is the height of noise? A: Two skeletons fucking on a tin roof. Did you hear about the guy with five penises? His pants fit like a glove. A fellow was ordered to lose 75 pounds, due to VERY serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad in the newspaper for a guaranteed weight loss program. ''Guaranteed my ass,'' he thought to himself, but desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3 day/ 10 pound weight loss program. The next day there is a knock at his door and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptous, athletic, beautiful babe dressed in nothing but a pair of NIKE running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, ''If you can catch me you can have me!'' Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, ''I like the way this company does business.'' The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost ten pounds, as promised. So, he calls the company and orders from them their 5 day/ 20 pound program. As expected, the next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunningly beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but REEBOK running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, ''If you can catch me, you can have me.'' He's after her in a shot. This girl is in great shape and it takes a while to catch her, but when he does, it's worth every cramp and wheeze. She is by far the best he's ever had. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight on the fifth day, he weighs himself and found he has lost another twenty pounds as promised! He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7 day/ 50 pound loss program. ''Are you sure,'' asks the representative on the phone, ''this is our most rigorous program...'' ''Absolutely,'' he replies. '' I haven't felt this great in years!'' The next day there is a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds Richard Simmons standing there wearing nothing but pink racing spikes and a sign around his neck that reads, ''If I catch you, I have you!!''' What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? BINGO! Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper. Man who stuffs his own sausage, pounds his own meat. An expert fisherman is a ''master-baiter.''' A cop drives up to lovers lane and sees a car there. So he walks up to the car, and there's a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book. The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book and I'm 20." Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting and she'll be 18 in about five minutes." Our local drugstore was robbed of 500 bottles of Viagra. The suspect is known to be a hardened criminal! Q: Who made the first soft drink? A: Adam -- he made Eve's cherry pop One day the Sunday school teacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first. Susie said, "Your heart, 'cause you need it to love." Richie said, "Your head, 'cause you need it to think." Little Johnny raised his hand and the teacher called on him reluctantly. Little Johnny said, "Your feet." Confused, the teacher asked why. Johnny replied, "When I walked past my mom's room last night, she had her feet in the air and was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming, I'm coming!" Q: What's the difference between love and herpes? A: Herpes lasts forever. Hope you like them.

Damn this shit is good! Keep it coming! It's so fucking funny. i practically lost my breath laughing!

I thought I'd just be stupid and funny and share some of these sex jokes that I find to be very funny. They are as follows: What does a rubix cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them, the harder they get. What is the speed limit of sex? The speed limit is 68 because at 69, you have to turn around. What is the difference between a penis and a paycheck? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Anne with a Pillsberry Dough Boy? A redheaded woman with a yeast infection. How can you tell an auto mechanic has just had sex? One of his fingers is clean. Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So men can be open minded. If you guys have some funny ones, I'd love to hear them.

Okay, it has been concluded that my MS is possibly the unrelenting form of the disease. It was not like that before, but it is just getting worse and worse now. Yes, I'm feeling scared; however, I meditate on these Scriptures. They give me hope and courage, and they allow me to keep my fears in check. Right now, I have faith and hope, and they are the only things carrying me through. I'd like to share the Scriptures with you that have brought so much hope, courage, and joy to me. Please do not think I'm shoving my beliefs down anyone's throats. I merely want to share what has given me so much of a reason to go on and stay strong. Perhaps, some of you may find them to be strengthening and encouraging, too. “So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. “Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.

You do not need medicine to achieve temporary urinary incontinence. Drink or eat anything that is a diaretic, such as coffee. You'll pee like a race hourse.

I agree. We cannot hate one another for what happened long ago, since none of us were even there. Nonetheless, we should not be too politically correct as to forget what really and truly happened. Political correctness is no favorite of mine, as it is another form of dictatorship and communism, and it was first used and originated with the USSR, but that is another discussion for another day.

put diapers on afterwards. Problem solved.

The trikes today suck also, as they are this stupid plastic. I did not want to buy them for the kids, so I allowed them to play on my trike, the one from when I was a child, which is practically all metal. Who wants stupid cheap plastic?... I wasn't wasting my money. And where the hell are the tinker toys?

Wow! Yvhuce. After I read in another thread that you are Native American, I automatically thought of your user name as being Native American. I've done some reading about your tribe some time ago, as I found Native Americans to be interesting, and let's say I've learned a lot. I feel that Native American people are special people. There is so much history about you--so much to know. You should be very proud to be what you are. I'm just, well, a Dutchwoman. While the Dutch are known for their extremely liberal lifestyle and the redlight district where I was born, I do not feel as though we have as interesting of a history or facts about us, unless you find being allowed to run nude in the public streets, public acceptance of the gay population (which is nice), legalized euthanasia (which has been a blesing because people should not have to suffer), legalized prostitution (and it is really really out in the open, too), drive through pot shops, legalized weed smoking, the hell we were subjected to during the Holocaust when dumbass Hitler invaded our shores (some of my family did not survive it as they did not hide good enough and got caught but is another story for another time), and public bathing interesting. I know some people do, especially when I tell people in the US what I like to do when in private, such as being naked all the time, since public nudity overall in the US is not acceptable. I laugh when I see the expressions on their faces. When people from the US come to the Netherlands, their eyes are really opened in many ways, as they receive the greatest culture shock of their lives (I had culture shock when I came here also, major culture shock, but I think I've adapted quite well. I'm glad to go back home a few times a year, though.). Americans find our way of life to be either two things--totally weird and messed up or interesting. I guess I do not find it interesting because it is so mundane... i'm proud to be Dutch.

Well, i declined the Tysabri. I told the neurologist today that I was not going to take it. I'm no longer on any medication for MS. My friend did some research for me, and she told me about a seafood diet that benefits MS sufferers and keeps them in remission. Basically, i have to eat at least six ounces of seafood daily, any kind i want. That will not be a problem, since I absolutely love every type of seafood known to man. i'm actually excited about it. the article said that symptoms would improve over a period of three months. I wonder if it means the haulting of the progression of the disease or the improvement of my overall health. If I could start speaking again, I'd be happy. Because little is known, i'll have to be an experiment and keep you guys posted. Thanks so much for all your kind words.

Wow! Pampers Pete, I liked what you said. I got a laugh from that. Pretty funny. repaid1, I'd have never guessed that your user name meant that until you told me. I just thought that it was merely like repaying someone for something stupid they've done. When I look at the user names, I try to imagine how they came to be. Sometimes, my conclusions are a bit obscure, i might say. Nonetheless, i try to imagine and enjoy doing it.

Hence the reason I put "I'm right behind you." in the location. I did it to keep my whereabouts a mystery, and I also did it to be funny. I travel between the US and the Netherlands. I'm leaving for the Netherlands next week--July 2--to go home and visit family. So, i'm quite the regular traveler. U bent heel mooi. Ik hoop dat u een goede zomer hebt.

I absolutely love them. i watched them when I was younger. i like the older ones compared to the newer ones, though.

Actually, this is fine. It is amazing how many names there are for the little thing that babies suck on. There are quite a few.

My user name is just my first and my last name. I was just interested in how everyone came up with theirs.

These two chapters were very well written. The sex scene was very well described. Reminds me that I need a really good love making session after the crap I've ben through. Sounds good. Oh, yeah, definitely keep on writing. You do very well.

Child abusers and those who abuse the weak and disabled will go also. And, for those who commit crime, i favor public hanging as a punishment. This will deter people from wanting to commit a crime because the punishment is death. Death for everything.

I'm listening to "The Promise" by Plus One because it really speaks to me right now and is truly a comfort. I can't find anywhere on the net where you can listen to it. So sorry. I'm also listening to "Held" by Natalie because this song also really comforts me. You can hear it and watch it at

Is there more to this story? Keep writing. You do well.

Oh, God! Please write more. This is great!

Wow! Cool! Then, you are on your way to makeing some cool cash! Check out http://www.associatedcontent.com The way it works is that they pay you for informative articles. You can write about any subject that is going to be informative. Examples could be treatment options for autistic people, programs for kids with autism, or the situation with the disabled and the job market. The sky is the limit. They just won't accept any adult content, though. Oh, you will not get up front payment for opinion pieces. The FAQ will explain everything, so you won't feel lost. When you go there, you'll want to check out all of the tutorials, so you can get the hang of it. You also will want to read the FAQ section. I seriously hope this helps you out. As for backing up your files, key drives, or thumb drives as some call them, are really good for that. They can be purchased for fairly cheap at Walmart.

You notice it, too? Yes, toys have totally gotten lamer. Bring back the old stuff please, people!

I was actually diagnosed at seventeen and a half, but we know I had it much longer than that. I had problems for awhile, and it took forever to diagnose. I mean years, as many think that MS cannot occur in children, but it can. So, i can't exactly put a number on it. Typically, people get MS between ages twenty and forty; however, there are the acceptions, as some get it younger or older than that.

This is so sweet. I cried when I read these words. i will try looking at alternative options. A friend suggested bee sting therapy, which I hear works well, but I don't know if I can take ll that pain. A lady who has MS does this out of her home, and she does not believe in taking meds for her MS. She is known as the Bee Lady around these parts. I guess pain once a week is better than dying. I'll make this known to my mom in the morning--I'm staying with her to give my husband a break. I'm always going to continue to fight MS, as my fight does not end until I take my last breath. It hurts so bad right now, and I do feel like of numb, but I trust God enough that I will receive the strength to go on.

So sorry. I did misinterpret. Don't give up on yourself. While others may be ignorant, you can't let it stop you. Are you a good writer? If so, you could be making money right now at Associated Content. you are wonderful, and I want to see you succeed. You seem like the type that is capable of doing it. I believe in you. If you want to know more, I'll help you out and give you all the information you need. My friend writes for them, and she says it works out great for her. It is what funds her business. She could not get a loan due to not having enough credit, and nobody would give her a fair shot in life. She came a very long way all on her own through struggles. She really is an inspiration. I believe you can be just as good of an inspiration like her.