hullabdl

Just bumping to show my eagerness for the next chapter. This is a good story and can't wait for an update

Great story. I liked this story. Quite warming and incredibly sweet. In regards to continuing the story as a sequel or continuation, it would totally depend on what is the next step in the story. If the story was to be focusing on the nect sleepover, i would write chapter 10 of this story. If the story starts off in the near future, i.e. 2 months later then i would create another story and call it a sequel.

I loved this story. At the beginning there was a unique start, with a journalist combining both of his love with writing and diapers. It was a great selling point. Then we saw how control was soon to be lost with the support of his mother. Again, whilst this was happening, there was a nice steady progession to the story. However, the last few chapters seem to have come to a standstill. No longer is there an end goal in sight. It seems that this story has now come to the point that no longer is he an adult, and no-one sees him this way. Whether it be family, friends, acquaintances or even strangers. What gets me is the fact he seems to be in "little space" permanently. There is no mention of his desire to become a renowned journalist, there is no mention of potty training, even though his little cousin is showing signs of this. Wasn't the point of the story to be potty trained with him? I think some sort of progression is needed in this story. It seems like it is the end, the chapter offered the same scene as someone would put in the final chapter in their book. The only thing missing after this was "and they lived happily ever after" it seems. I think you may need to start taking the story on a storyline again. Whether to explain the permanent regression or to get back on track with the potty training narrative would be great for your story. Overall, i do really like your story, i just lose interest when a dead end appears to coming and i would really like this story to remain in my top list for some time. I don't mean to be nasty, i want this to be treated with the same intention as why i have written this feedback (abiet unsolicited feedback) as constructive criticism. Hope you keep writing. Mike

I really don't want to criticise the story, but i find this incredibly hard to read. Whilst the premise of the story is great, i find the flow of the story to be very short and to the point. It was like you have read a story, and then bullet pointed the story in your own words. Every single sentence was very abrupt, without any imagination to help the reader immerse themselves into the narrative. I do believe that the story has a great plot, but without the flair where someone could picture the scene as the story unfolded, I found it hard to maintain my attention. It seemed you have the plot chapter by chapter planned out, and you listed off the plot in bullet points. If you slightly expanded, giving more detail this would be an unbelievable story. It just needs that extra input and time. I hope I am not too harsh, and i really have no intention on stopping the story as my opinion may be of the minority mindset. I only want to encourage. I have always felt that some extra detail may be worth a lot. For example: I walked on the wet grass. To: I walked barefoot on the grass, the morning dew making my feet wet instantly cooling my body from what was a very humid and uncomfortable night sleep. I hope you take this as constructive criticism as was my intention. I honestly think you have a great story here, I just cannot immerse myself which I find personally vital to any story I read.