10 replies to this topic

[lonelydaddy24]

Hey there. I try not to vent too much about my feelings but its at the point where I can't take it anymore. Ever since my last(and only) girlfriend dumped me I have been feeling extremely depressed. I know that I am not a freak for liking this whole AB/DL thing. But I simply cannot help feeling that way. Mostly because the only people who have ever said: "I love you" to me have forsaken me. All because of this AB/DL thing. My mother and Father recently (christmas visit) caught me in diapers while I was visiting from college. Immeadiately afterwords they kicked me out of the house with only my car, my suitcase, and the clothes on my back and cut me off completely. Aslo, the girlfirend I mentioned earlier dumped me not ten minutes after saying: "I love you" becuase I told her about my 'interests'. Saying she:"didn't want to date a freak". My mother and father saying relatively the same thing. This has caused me to go into a spiraling depression that has led me to the conclusion that God has chosen to forsaken me and I am to die alone.

Naturally, this has led me to thoughts of suicide. Multiple thoughts of suicide. I have a job now but I have nothing else really distracting me from the fact that I will forever be alone. Nobody cares about me anymore. I have tried to reach out and get support from people in chat but they seldom care. Mostly they just tell me to suck it up and move on. I have been told all my life to suck it up and move on. I am tired of sucking it up and moving on. I just wish to love someone. I don't care if they even love me back anymore. I just want to hold someone and be held.

I know I must sound like a bawling little baby (Pretty Ironic huh) but I just reached the point of desperation. I can't take this sad, pathetic, loveless exsistence anymore. I have no friends, no family anymore, I am just so sad. I can't take it anymore. I NEED somebody to just.....pay attention to me dammit! I don't know why or how I keep going but my batteries are just about to run out. I don't ask for much. Just love, maybe I am just too hideous for words, maybe I don't deserve to live, or maybe I'm just in a really long rough patch but I CANNOT take it anymore. I am pouring my heart out on an AB/DL SUPPORT FORUM FOR GOD'S SAKES! I'M HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY JUST SO I CAN BEG FOR LOVE! I AM THE DEFINITION OF LONELY AND IF I KEEP GOING LIKE THIS I WILL TAKE MY SHAVING RAZOR AND JUST END IT!

i'm sorry......here I am just going off again.Please. If you know anybody seeking a relationship of ayn kind in the dfw area. feel free to do whatever. I don't care anymore. Please...somebody jusy help me. I have never asked for much in terms of assistance. But I really need it now. Hell if your in the DFW area you can just use me for whatever it is you want. Just pretend to care about me and it'll mean the world to me.

Again, sorry for rambling. I'm just going to stop now. Have a nice morning/day/night. Never tell your loved ones about your desires because it will ruin your life.

[musicaddict]

Let me start off by saying I'm sorry those in your life did not appreciate you. I won't say suicide should not be an option or that it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, you seem to know that.

All I want you to know is this: I'm here for you. Anythime you need to talk PM. Whether it is to vent or just talk, I'm always willing to provide an ear. THis isn't me pretending to care. I do care, even if I don't know you.

I hope to hear from you - Music

[baby smokey]

I don't talk to anyone that shares my DNA, or is legally bound to someone with my DNA for a different reason, I haven't had anything beyond a one night stand with a girl in years, and most of my friends live inside the internet, but the funny thing is, I want it that way. I see it as less distractions from my goals. Being alone is really not that bad, in fact it's very liberating, I don't have to conform to someone else, hell no, they can conform to me or move on. It's time to suck it up, grow some balls, and get to work on more important things, you're 18, you can do so much with your life, I would work towards being more successful than those who dissed you.

Your girlfriend left you? Your lucky, my ex from 12 years ago still stalks me, your family cut you off, I have to put my family on call block, no friends? Less people to mooch off of you, your god forsaken you? Get a new one, you have a job? Good, keep at it, work harder than the bosses son.

I know it sounds harsh right now, but in time, you will look back at this, and see how far you've come. I didn't get to where I am by rolling over and giving up. This whole experience is going to toughen you up. Trust me on this one. Good luck

[littlesissy]

Your punishment doesn't fit the 'crime'. To loose your parents because they caught you in a diaper is too extreme. You're not the only person who has lost all. For me, my entire family has passed on over the last 10 years. Including my parents and siblings. I know others that have lost the ones they love because they came out of the closet.

What to do? You make friends. "If anyone desires friends, they must first show themselves to be friendly."

I spend a lot of time with my friends, they are my 'Family'. I care for them as I would my family. We have dinner together, go to movies together, shop together. We spend holidays together, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years etc. We vacation together. I check on them when they're silent (health problems), they do the same for me.

It takes time, start with one friend and start bringing others into your circle. It gets bigger as time goes by. Humans have a great knack of being able to 'pack' together...

I hope you hang on, it will get better. Maybe someday your biological family will come to their senses, at least they have not passed on. You still have a change at restoration. I've noticed as my parents got older they mellowed and were more accepting of things.

[sarah_ab]

I think people also need to remember the whole "you cant chose your family" line does not hold up anymore... Family is who YOU want it to be.. and blood does not make a family. If you family reacts that harshly then perhaps they are not family in a more broader sense of the word. Sure scientifically and biologically you are in the same family... but apparently nothing more.

So, here it is!!! the big moment in your life.. don't blow it ... Its you chance to BREAK FREE!!!! break free from your so called family, your ex girlfriend, and everything in that life that was dragging you down.... Don't make the mistake i did and hang around for another 4 years because "they were family".... and have nother 4 years of being miserable..

Essentially they have given you the perfect opportunity to get out and do your thing... TAKE IT!

[lonelydaddy24]

Thanks for the words of encouragement everybody. I really have no prbolem making friends. My problem is keeping them. I don't know what it is that I do, but somehow I do something and they abandon me. Be it 6 weeks or 6 months down the road they always stop being interested in me. I don't think i'll quit just yet, Thanks for the support everyone. I know I must seem pathetic. But I really appreciate people at least pretending to care.

I called all of my friends both from collge and high school after my parents kicked me out, asking if I could live with them until things cleared up. They all either said no or that they didn't have any space. I tried talking to my friends after that, they all just made excuses or flat out said they didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Like I said, everyone abandons me sooner or later. But thanks for your words of encouragement everyone. I guess I'll just keep at it!

[Bettypooh]

... Family is who YOU want it to be.. and blood does not make a family....

Sarah, you are so right with this. I am blessed with several good family members but my friends have proven to be my real family more often than my family has.

Lonelydaddy24, I see you are young. You are going to find that you have few true friends in life- most of them will fail you when you need them the most just as you've already seen. If you have more friends than fingers on one hand you need to rethink your definition of 'friend'- real friends are that rare (and they are that valuable so treat them well). Before you can find a friend you must be one- give then the benefit of the doubt, truly care about what metters to them, and go out of your way to help them when they need it. Until you find this in yourself your friends will be fleeting, coming and going with time and circumstance. There's more to being a friend than facebook will ever know!

Blood means nothing till it's shared. I give my family the respect it has earned but not all of them have earned much of that. Those who have have my everything- I will die for them if that will help them just the same as I will do for a friend. Those who I have shared blood with are my family- we know without question and without asking what each other will do, though our respect for each other makes us ask anyway even when we know the answer already. That mutual respect is wheere it all started, the seed which my family grew from even it they are not related to me.

You've hit a rough patch in life. It's not going to be the last one. But you can overcome it and when you do the next one will be easier to handle. This is your life now, nobody else is there to run it for you. You are now free to do what you want to do, but you're going to have all the results of your choices in your shoulders alone now too. My advice is for you to pursue business first; something has to pay for everything in your life and getting as early a start as you can always gets you the best results. It will also help you learn what you're going to have to do to attain your goals in life. As that grows you'll be better equipped to handle what comes along. You learn a lot in business that caries over to the rest of life.

One of the things you'll find is how you're going to deal with the wierd parts of your life such as being ABDL. There's a price for everything- you can be open and get a lot of rejection; you can hide it and suffer deeply inside; or you can find out how much you have to live with every day and how much you can keep in the closet till you find someone who will share it with you. Those who live openly have no fears about becoming known but get a lot of rejection. Those who live closeted fear becoming known but get less rejection. Somewhere in between is where most of us live. We share but we share carefully.

It seems that most of your recent problems came from your becoming known. Perhaps now you will understand why most of us hide this as much as we do. Yes, it hurts inside but overall it's the best approach. As life will teach you there are times when you must set yourself aside just to survive in this world. I try to keep them to a minimum so I can handle life in the way it works best for me. How it works for you will be different. That's what you need to find at this point in your life- where it all balances out for you.

Sorry to hear of your troubles, people can be really mean sometimes. Perhaps someday they will learn; perhaps not. Don't let them hold you down or turn you into the same thing they are- you can do better and when you do maybe they will learn.

Bettypooh

[lonelydaddy24]

I really appreciate all of your kind words. Bettypooh, sarah_ab I completely agree. But the only problem is I AMa true friend I garauntee you this. I have given them rides home when they call me and say they are too smashed to drive and don't want their parents to find out, I have comforted them when they were hurting and visited them when they were sick. But not a single one of them cared to talk to me for more than two minutes. Then after I tried to call them it rung twice, then went to voicemail. Meaning that they chose to ignore my calls. I know that things will get better but its the getting there that is annoying. And all of these people telling me to suck it up isn't exactly helping. Ive tried sucking it up and it just doesnt work. I'm too weak I guess. I don't know. You guys are all right. But As far as I can tell I am a good person. I volunteer regularly with a community outreach program for god's sake! So as much as I know you all care. It doesn't really help my lonliness. I know you are all trying to help because you care. And I appreciate that. More than you will ever know.

[Bettypooh]

You're on the right track. I'd have to mention to those 'friends' who take advantage of you but don't return the favor that they shouldn't expect you to say "yes" forever until they learn to return the friendship That puts the burden on them where it belongs. I don't keep score with friends, but I do notice trends, and if they are way out of balance I sort of ease my way out of their picture. I do volunteer work too, and those who volunteer with me do make for great friends in the real sense of the word. We have giving hearts and that is where being a true friend comes from. Talk with some of them and see if you have some common interests. If you do I'd bet they will invite you to do something with what you share, and it will open the door to another possible friendship.

Not standing up for yourself isn't always a sign of weakness. For me it is a decision to avoid conflict in my life wherever I can; I don't like conflict! But when it gets forced on me the game changes and nobody likes the results. When I go off I am like a bomb, destroying everything around me that doesn't get out of the way- including and especially whoever caused the conflict. Those who know me well enough understand this and respect me for it. They help me avoid conflict which is why I hold them so dear to me! My tolerance level is much lower if someone goes after family or friends. Me? I don't see that I matter much in this world (though many say I do) but them? They matter a lot!

We're all oddballs here and that makes life tougher than for most people. Just how odd we are varies. Me? Well I'm about as odd as it gets save for that I no longer go out into the world as a woman though I used to live that life. They way I deal with diapers is to know that I can hide them which lets me be me without drawing any unwanted conflict my way. Alone at home I can do whatever I want- I pay the rent so that is my choice. I'm not AB just DL, but we both need to express that part of ourself enough to stay sane. I have a low libido but I still have that need once in awhile- and that 'while' has come around again. I'm also bi-curious so my mind is open with the right person whoeverthey are. If I can't find somebody to share this with on a deeper level, then I will find someone who I can 'rent' long enough to experience the things I want to. Craigslist is a good place to look or people with shared oddities in bigger cities. Even in this far-rightwing town I did see one ad from a younger Gay man wanting diapeer play some time ago. Sadly I got no reply as he was seeking someone much younger. I must say I was surprised to see the ad here though. And even more surprised to not see anyone flaming the guy! There are people like us in the world, there are people who accept us in the world, and there is someone for each of us in the world though they are usually very hard to find.

To be a good person you have to be honest with others. I didn't say you have to be an open book. Being totally open only works well for ordinary people- the rest of us are hiding something whether we will admit it or not. I have ordinary friends who do not need to know my personal details so they don't ask and I don't tell. If they ask I won't lie, but I give them no reason to ask, plus I know how to say "I'd rather not discuss that with you as it's kind of personal." Should the relationship be close enough to warrant it I will open up. I think I know my friends well enough to decide what to do with them.

Sometimes the feeling that you need to "be out" about yourself becomes overwhelming. It's better to not let it get that bad if you can. But if you must, then make a plan and follow it. Ease your way into the subject watching their reaction and stop if it isn't going well. Not everyone needs to know everything about you and that can adversely affect your life. Give yourself an outlet for theese felings- look for a munch you can attend; find frineds online to talk with. Seek out the local Goth and BSDM community as they are more open-minded and may contain people like you. We're mainly in the shadows because of our oddities not being well-accepted by the mainstream world. There's not much anyone can do about that. It's something we have to figure out how to live with.

My life has been a very lonely one at an intimate level and I'm seeking to change that. Whether fate has that in store for me or not I don't know. I am older which makes it tougher- you have plenty of time though. Don't withdraw from the world like I did, go find your happiness. It is out there. It doesn't come to you so you have to go to it and look for it. When you find it, value it well, for happiness is the hardest thing to find in this life. Just remember that it's like a rose, beautiful and delicate but with thorns which you can get hurt by if you're not careful. Without the thorns there would be no rose so accept the whole thing when you find it. It's worth the effort it takes to seek.

Bettypooh

[Diapered Jason]

It helps to create a plan out of the current situation, but you have to first think of solutions to your problem in order to create such a plan. This is important as even thinking about this provides hope, which can change your state of mind from gloominess. No, I cannot say I have had it as hard as you, but it is still very important to remain focused and don't forget to concentrate on your job. It is certainly never too late to finish college as well if that is what you still seek. I am sure that if you meditate on your problems, you will find a way out of your dark situation. It is my hope that as you start focusing on your goals that you will feel better about yourself as well as discover a strength you did not know you had.

Now that we are thinking about solutions, how do people like us find love? If you are a daddy, you odds of finding a girl interested in ABDL is far better than if you were a baby. The internet would not be a bad place to start. I have seen many profiles of females seeking a daddy. Bettypooh mentioned Craigslist and local BDSM/fetish meetings. Keep in mind, you should have a broad strategy that incompasses all these things to increase your chances. Most importantly, be patient and stay positive. These goals you have will not be completed over night and will take time and commitment as is the case when normally seeking a relationship but more so for us.

[KittenAB]

I recently figured out why I have been able to deal with my depression: Coffee ....

Not saying it will work or help for everyone, but you may give it a shot. When you're feeling down, drink mostly coffee, just don't dehydrate as hot fluids can cause that if you don't balance it enough. Coffee is literally the safest upper you can get, and it's cheap. But that's not the effect you will look for, what happens is your body will get "antsy" and you will just feel like you "have to do something" because of the hype. It makes it really hard to focus on the down thoughts that way and you find yourself doing more. As I said though, it won't work for everyone.

Special note on why coffee is "the safest upper": It's almost impossible to over dose on caffeine (the primary drug in coffee) when ingested from coffee, though avoid energy drinks because there's no telling what to expect there at this point. However, coffee also contains a ton of nutrients helpful to the body, so ... if it works it's safe, cheap, and no prescription needed. I'm high on it right now so ... yeah, I sound like an ad or something. LOL