Feel like a freak

[sjaeger]

Hi all Currently in mental hell at the moment had Bladder botox (Bladder neck an Urethral Spinter on the 25 March) and had to have Indwelling Catheter due to retention issues on the 27th.
 

OMG the relief from my bladder sensory issues Not having to wake up 4-5time per night to travel to bathroom which occasionally causes falls. Able to drink water without Bladder giving me issues so was restricted to soda based or other drinks.
 

As well as other bladder issues I have had since 2009 since spinal injury. I really hate myself enjoying this relief (I am to keep this in til the 22 May when my urologist comes back) and I want a solution where he operates on me internally to have the same relief as the catheter (already been in full taped diapers since 2009 and find them comfortable) OMFG I feel like such a freak to the point I emailed my treating Consultant Psychiatrist of 3 years regarding this and requesting a Psychiatric assessment as well as psychologist as they both know I have been suffering. I suffer from under and overactive bladder and retention and can not safely self cath due to bad essential tremors in hands (had previous urological staff give up on me as I refused on medical grounds) I also have Autism, Bipolar and ADHD and since 2009 spinal issues at l3l4l5 s1 which neurosurgeon has written no treatment or surgery was an option.

I was for a permanent solution for health safety (retention) as well as Quality of life solution but I feel so fucking messed up in the head that I am taking valium more regularly (Psychiatrist knows but isn't concerned as he did a phone safety check up on me after the emails I sent him)