Starting to lose control of my morals.

[MegaChar]

I never thought I would be the one asking for help but here I am. Some context into me and where im at today:

I have never been much of a people person. I can talk normally but its a huge struggle trying to act like a normal person so I can interact with society and be a part of it. Never have liked people much, was violent in my childhood because I couldn't interact with people and they didnt understand me. Even to this day interacting with people is like eggshells.

I learned growing up that being kind helped me be able to interact with people and get some things I needed in order to grow socially from someone who had a 3 year olds mentality on things. But that kindness has gotten me harassed more then I would like. Over the last 15 years or so, my kindness has been taken advantage of from people like landlords or neighbors and sometimes people on the street. Dont think its me standing up for myself but its response of saying "stop bulling me"

Yesterday I did something I haven't done since I was a toddler. I lashed out at someone for more or less trying to say I don't know anything when I infact do. Recently, im talking down about my self alot and get super anxious in difficult situations.

Not sure if it due to this job I have where I drive around feeding people but...That dragon thats I held back for so long, all those damm social battles with people, so many let downs, so many times Ive been taken advantage of for my kindness...Think Im starting to loose control of it.

And no money to see someone who can pinpoint what is going on.

Why do people take advantage of those who try to do good in the world. Who want to help others. Why do I have it harder then others?

[Sunfoxx]

This is something I'm still learning myself but being kind to others and not being taken advantage of doesn't need to be mutually exclusive. What has been working well for me is to treat everyone I come across politely and respectfully. This has two major benefits as doing so makes you appear more sociable while also maintaining an aura of mutual respect and distance. This kind of posture makes you appear generally friendly but won't be mistaken as naivety by those who would take advantage of you when given the chance. People like that exist but are far from the majority in my experience.

Quote

Why do people take advantage of those who try to do good in the world. Who want to help others. Why do I have it harder then others?

One piece of general advice given in therapy is to mistrust generalizations like this, especially your own. It's very tempting to think of your current experience as objective reality and a good remedy for this is to ask yourself if thoughts patterns like this hold true when looked at through a different lens:

-How many people in the world actively take advantage of those who try to help    others ? The majority ? Everyone ?

-Does your own experience reflect the general truth of the matter ?

-Do you really have it harder than others ? Everyone else ?

 

I used to have quite similar thoughts (and sometimes still do) and while neither your problems nor mine should be considered small by anyone else that does not make other people's problems any smaller either.

The lesson I've learned some time ago is that you're going to have to look pretty hard to find anyone in the world whose shoes you'd have an easier time to walk in than your own.