The New Foster

[Shy-Diapers]

Leilani was relieved when Tom took her away from the porta potties. She didn’t like anything about those contraptions.

Almost as soon as they got into the large family bathroom, she couldn’t hold it anymore. She looked up at Tom so scared and upset as her shorts got darker as her bladder gave way and started forming a puddle under her feet.

She had tears in her eyes and was so confused and upset. She couldn’t remember ever wetting herself in the day! Sure she wet the bed every single night for quite a while now, but never in the day!

“I’m sorry!” She cried, her tears overflowing as her little body shook. “I didn’t mean to!” Tom kept telling her they were going to keep her around, but surely he wouldn’t after this!

 

“That’s very kind of you Becks. You can make something for yourself too.” Charlotte insisted. “I’m sure she’ll warm up soon. I’m not sure what’s going on with her but I know it’s been really difficult for you.”

The last bit of what she said did make Charlotte wonder. Neither Maria nor Leilani’s file mentioned anything about a father. She wondered if he was in the girl’s life at all and if maybe he just wasn’t contacted to take her. She wondered if he was in the military and deployed somewhere or something. She made a mental note to ask Tom if he’d heard about her father yet. 

[Ishigreensa]

Tom sighed as he watched her lose the battle and completely wet her pants in front of the toilet.  He gave her a moment to finish since there was no use in trying to get to the toilet now her shorts were soaking wet.  He sighed when she started to apologize about wetting her pants.

"I know you didn't sweetie," he whispered to her.  "Accidents happen, and there was a lot going on.  The portapotties were taking too long, and even though we tried to get here, where I didn't think there was a line, well, it was just too long for your little body, sweetie."

He picked her up and started to carry her out of the bathroom.  He went to the gate, and asked if they had to pay if he went out to the car with his upset child for a moment.  They gave them stamps to let them come back in.

 

He got her back to the car, and then sitting there, on the car seat, the door open, he pulled her towards him, hugging her for a moment.

"You have a choice," he told her calmly.  "It has three things that you can do, and I'll let you decide which is easier.  We can take your clothes to the bathroom again, and let everyone watch me take you back to the toilet to change you because you are wet.  You can let me change you right here, and no one is even around her, or you can get in the car, and we can call Becks and Charlotte to come to the car and let them see you didn't make it while we go home to clean you up.  It's all up to you, sweetie."

He continued to hug her and hold her until she was able to speak and tell him what would be easiest for her.

[Shy-Diapers]

Lani cried as Tom carried her away. She was so upset and embarrassed. She didn’t understand why she had an accident after not even thirty minutes of holding it. She didn’t have a great concept of time, but knew she wasn’t holding it that long.

She put her thumb in her mouth as she cried, listening to Tom list off her options. “I wanna change here.” She whimpered out quietly. “I don’t want anyone to know!” She whimpered again when Tom suggested Charlotte and Rebecca finding out.

She hugged him tight and kept her thumb firmly in her mouth as he spoke to her and eventually started getting her changed. She made sure her dragon was close to her chest. Her face was bright red from crying and embarrassment. The little girl was having such a hard time today. 

[Ishigreensa]

"It's alright, baby," he hugged her and rocked her a few minutes to make sure she was calm before starting to change her.  "It's alright.  We won't tell Becks anything, only when Charlotte is alone, I might need to figure out what is best for you with her later, but Becks won't know anything, okay?"

He sighed and started to take off her pants.

"Is it okay if I do it?" he asked her as he started to undo her pants for her.  "If you don't like that, I can let you do it, sweetie.  I don't want you to feel any worse than you have to, baby.  It is embarrassing to have an accident, but it's not the end of the world."

He kept rubbing her arm and her back as he slowly dressed her trying to make sure she felt okay throughout the process.

 

 

[Shy-Diapers]

Lani nodded. She didn’t love the idea of Charlotte knowing, but it made sense. Tom did say he’d have to tell her she wet the bed. “I don’t do it all the time, I promise.” She insisted sadly. “I didn’t mean to! It’s never happened before…” She whimpered out.

She nodded and allowed Tom to change her. She was too upset and stressed to think about doing it herself. She really liked how kind he was about cleaning her up. He wasn’t mad or anything. Though she didn’t really understand why he was upset about earlier, but not her accident. She didn’t do either on purpose and didn’t know why they happened either.

She kept her thumb in her mouth and her dragon close while Tom cleaned her up. She was too stressed to worry about not being seen as a baby. 

[Ishigreensa]

Because Tom had no real context for Lani's behavior, he didn't understand that her acting out was accidental.  He only understood that something made her unhappy, and so he saw no correlation between the two situations.  Of course an eight year old doesn't pee herself on purpose.  That's common sense, and with every minute, her wondering if one thing or another would be the last straw, he knew she was definitely not going to wet her pants on purpose.

He knew that fostering a child might be a challenge.  They were warned that kids came from different situations, and they didn't always understand the same rules the same way.  That was one of the reasons he wasn't so sure about adopting to start with, but now they were here, he had to figure out how to work with what they had.

"Well, if you've never peed your pants before, then maybe it's just all the excitement and stress of today, honey.  I'm not going to tell Charlotte to figure out how to punish you for something that could easily happen to any overwhelmed child.  I'm only including her to figure out how to make things easier for you, sweetheart.  Charlotte and I share everything, and we talk about problems all the time so we can find a way to solve something that maybe alone, we would have difficulty in thinking of.  Charlotte wants you to be happy, too, baby."

He got her changed and held her in the car for a few minutes.

"Now, no more talk about whether we are sending you away.  You haven't done anything that warrants getting rid of you, baby.  You've just had a hard day and of course, you are a child.  Children make mistakes sometimes, and children sometimes have to say they are sorry, but so do adults, baby.  You are not going to be thrown out for a mistake, baby." 

[Shy-Diapers]

Lani looked down at her lap. She felt bad about asking if she’d be sent away. Tom seemed annoyed by it. She’d only been there for a few days at this point. She decided to try her absolute best though. She’d just have to remember not to say it out loud, even if she felt it inside.

She looked up at him a little confused at his last statement. “Grown ups don’t need to apologize.” She said with a small scowl. “They don’t make mistakes and they know more than kids.” She parroted her upbringing back to him, being confused by the conflict between the two ideas.

She sighed and rubbed her eyes. The day had been so hard for her and in a lot of ways she was left more confused and uncertain about what was and wasn’t okay. She was always desperately trying to be as good as possible, but as it so often seemed, bad things and trouble just somehow managed to find her.

“Can I color please?” She asked hesitantly. Her voice was small and hesitant. She didn’t know what might get her in trouble at this point. She had no desire to go back to the fair where everything was bright and loud and there were so many people. She kept her thumb in her mouth the whole time they were talking. This was the most she’d sucked her thumb since arriving. 

[Ishigreensa]

"Of course you can color," he told her when she asked having not addressed her idea that adults seemed perfect to her until that moment.  "Do you have your pencils, baby?  And you can use your own books, or maybe the one that Rebecca was going to let you use, if you want."

He sighed and patted her little leg.

"Baby, adults do know more than children, but that doesn't mean we are perfect.  Adults sometimes make mistakes, and we don't know everything even if we understand more of what we see, sweetheart.  We don't see everything."

He rubbed her back.

"I know you are scared we might send you back to that place, but there is only really one way I'd send you out, and you haven't done anything like that.  I don't think you are even capable of doing it, so don't worry so much, okay?  I know I was worried a little bit about if you hated anyone, but that not being the case, I don't think it's so bad we can't eventually work through it and figure out how to make you more comfortable."

He looked at one of her earlier pictures.

"You did pretty good," he told her.  "I like that picture."

[Shy-Diapers]

Lani nodded and grabbed her Bluey coloring book. She got out her colored pencils and started coloring a picture of Bingo.

She was a bit confused when Tom was talking about adults. “Mommy said I have to listen to grownups because they know everything and I’m just a kid.” She said with a small shrug. “Grownups are perfect and I’m ‘sposed to listen to them no matter what.” She said matter of factly, parroting her mother’s words again.

She looked up at Tom at one point. “Back where?” She asked in confusion. She was scared of getting sent to a group home because she’d been told she wouldn’t get to see her mother again if she did. She wasn’t really afraid of being sent back anywhere she’d already been. Nobody seemed to want her anyway. 

[Ishigreensa]

"Well, adults might understand things better than kids when they have all the facts, but that doesn't mean we know everything or see everything, sweetheart.  And there are a lot of times I've made mistakes because I didn't know all the facts about something, or because I had no experience with something.  Anyone that tells a kid that adults know everything is either trying to protect you from something they are afraid of, or are just trying to make you do something because they don't have the way to explain it to you."

He sighed.

"It doesn't matter," he told her when she asked back where.  He didn't want to have her dwell on the idea too much.  "What does matter, is that you are not going anywhere unless the state says your mom is okay to take you again, baby.  Until then, you are staying right here with us."

He hugged her.

"I bet the jewelry place is still open if you want to go back now and try to make a bracelet or something?" he asked her hopefully.

 

Rebecca finished making the different things, and then she looked up at her mom.

"Can we see if the spinning ladybugs ride is open?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Lani nodded along with what Tom was saying. She didn’t really understand what he meant exactly, but was too afraid to be told she was arguing if she tried to ask for clarification. She decided she’d just try her best to understand the differences between him and her mother. She was happy that he said she wouldn’t go anywhere. She really wanted to believe him. They’d certainly kept her around for much longer than anybody else had, even after wetting the bed and having a daytime accident, plus not getting along with Rebecca.

When he mentioned going back to the fair she frowned. The car was so quiet and calm. There weren’t tons of lights or sounds or people in the car! She squirmed around more and stared at her lap. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing and get in trouble, but she had no desire to go back to that busy place!

“Do I have to?” She asked hesitantly, clearly not thrilled by the idea.

 

“Sure thing sweetie! We can do whatever you’d like!” Charlotte said happily. She put Rebecca’s creations in her purse and headed to the rides to see what they could do. 

[Ishigreensa]

"No, baby, you don't have to," Tom said with a smile.  "You can sit there and color if you want.  I'll check with you in a bit, and if you still don't want to go back in, then I'll see if the others are ready to go, okay?"

He went ahead and texted Charlotte.

-I have Lani with me.  She's not feeling like going back in.  I'll explain everything tonight when we have some time, but let Rebecca play a bit and I'll ask her in a few minutes if she wants to go back again or not, and if not, then I'll check to see if you are ready to go.  I hope that's okay.- 

And he pressed the send button.

 

"What didn't you like about the fair, sweetheart?" he asked her trying to find out if they did something wrong or if she really had a reason to be scared.

 

Rebecca didn't see the spinning ladybugs, a ride where you sat in a little cart thing, she sat with her dad last year in it, and it spun around and moved crazy like someone imagined a lady bug flying from bush to bush or something.  

What she did see, were ponies, and you were allowed to ride them!

"Mommy!  Can we go over there!  Please?"

She was pulling on her mommy.  Unfortunately, this was one ride where the band didn't work, and it cost an extra dollar and fifty cents to ride.  However, Rebecca was tall enough for the ride, and it was actually made for kids a little shorter than her up to about mid teen age, with their frames being just light enough for the ponies without breaking their backs.  Her mom could probably just get on one if she wanted, but daddy would be way too heavy for the pony.

[Shy-Diapers]

Lani nodded. She leaned against Tom and continued to color. She was still squirming and fidgeting in her place, but nowhere near as much as she was earlier.

She bit her lip and tried to think of the words to describe how she felt when he asked her why she didn’t like the fair. “It’s loud and too much.” She informed him after some thinking. She didn’t quite feel like that did her feelings justice, but she didn’t know what else she could say.

Charlotte glanced at her phone and sighed a bit. So much for getting everyone together. She thought to herself. She sent a quick text back agreeing before turning her attention to Rebecca.

“Becks don’t pull on me please.” She said gently. She was happy to see her daughter so excited, but she knew that Rebecca was too old to be pulling on her mother for something she wanted.

“You can ride one of the horses, yes. Just be patient. They won’t leave before we get there I promise.” She added, once again in a gentle tone. She walked over to the animals and didn’t mind paying extra for the pony ride. 

[Ishigreensa]

Rebecca looked down and smiled.  "Sorry.  I just got excited, mommy.  I'll wait for you."

She walked along with her, but still couldn't keep from bouncing and being antsy to be so close to a live horse!  To her, pony, horse, potay-to, potah-to, it was all the same.  It was a cute creature that liked to have a rider, and she knew that they were kind of intelligent.

As they got near the fence, and she had to wait her turn, she looked up at her mom.

"I hope I get that one!  It's got like a star between its eyes."  She was referring to the white marking on its muzzle that sort of had triangular wings that shot out to just under its eyes.  "If that one was mine, I'd call it star."

 

"Too loud?  Too much?" he repeated back to her.  "You don't like a lot of loud noises, then honey?"

He patted her lap.

"Alright, I'll tell you what.  We'll give Charlotte and Rebecca about another ten minutes, and then I'll text them to come and we can go home after she has one last ride.  Is that fair?"

He was a little worried that her not liking loud sounds might be something else, yet again.  His mind was all over the map on what could cause her such problems, so Charlotte was probably right.  He probably worried a lot more about things that were not likely than what were really going on, but as she didn't seem to have a way to communicate to him exactly what was going on, he had no way of knowing what was wrong with her.

[Shy-Diapers]

Charlotte smiled. She liked seeing Rebecca so happy. “Go ahead kiddo, it’s your turn. Make sure you listen to what they tell you.” She reminded her gently, not wanting her daughter to get so caught up in the excitement she didn’t listen and risked hurting herself or the horse.

 

Lani nodded. “I don’t like loud noises at all!” She said emphatically. She definitely seemed very certain of what she was saying and had no signs of exaggeration.

She nodded and seemed agreeable with Tom’s suggestion. She was perfectly content to keep coloring. She seemed so much more at peace and relaxed than she did at the fair.

When she finished her picture of Bingo, she carefully ripped it out and held it up to Tom. She wanted him to have it, but was a bit too shy to tell him. Her mother never cared about her pictures, but Lani still liked giving people she cared about things that she made. 

[Ishigreensa]

Tom took a closer look at the picture she was holding up to him, and he smiled.  "Aw!  Is this for me, honey?"

He put on the dash.  "When we get home, this is going somewhere where I can always see it," he told her.  "That way, I will always remember that for at least a short time, I was special to a special little girl named Leilani."

He touched her nose.

"Well, I guess there are reasons people might not like loud noises," he said in response to her saying she didn't like loud noises at all.  He imagined her mom having loud or drunk people over yelling all the time, or maybe her living in a place where shouting at neighbors or car chases happened often.  He shrugged it off.  That wasn't Lani's life right now, and he didn't really think it would do much good to try to imagine what would make a healthy kid not like the fair's noises when it excited most kids.

 

Rebecca nodded and listened carefully.  They didn't actually let her control the horse.  Someone was leading the horse around a small track that took about five minutes to complete at the pace they led it.  She was allowed to touch the horse on certain places, but the rule was to always have one hand on the little bar that was on the front of the saddle, if they saw her take both hands off for any reason, they stopped the horse and waited for her to put both hands back on, and warned her, if she let go with both hands more than three times, the fourth time, her ride would be over because her safety was important.  So she was careful not to make anyone upset.

When they came back, they let her feed the horse a piece of carrot before they sent her off with her mom.

 

When Lani was done with her picture, and Tom had put it on the dash to be able to find easier when they got home, he called Charlotte just as Rebecca was coming back to her.

"Hey, the fair is a bit loud and confusing for Lani.  I have her at the car," he told her when she picked up.  "You can maybe take Rebecca to one more attraction if you want, but I think Lani's ready to go home any time you are."

Rebecca looked up at her mom while she was on the phone.

[Shy-Diapers]

Lani smiled. Tom seemed so happy with her picture! She’d never experienced that before! She blushed a little as he put it on the dash and said she was special. “You think I’m special?” She said in surprise. “Mommy says I’m not special at all.” She said casually, still smiling at the idea of being told she was special. It wasn’t something she was used to being called by a caregiver.

Charlotte smiled and took a few pictures of Rebecca riding the pony before Tom called. She made sure Rebecca was at her side when she answered the phone. “Okay I’ll see if she wants to do one more thing and then we’ll see you out at the car.” She said before hanging up.

“Lani is having a hard time and doesn’t want to stay. Daddy said we can either do one more thing and then go to the car, or we can just head to the car right away. Which do you want to do?” She asked, patiently waiting. 

[Ishigreensa]

"Daddy's not going to be with us though?" Rebecca looked a little sad about that.  "I feel mad at Lani, but at the same time, I feel sorry she didn't really have any fun.  I... want to be mad at her, but I feel sad for her.  I'm... I can't explain it, mom.  I... I don't know what I'm supposed to feel.  I know I don't feel like being here anymore either.  Can we just go after I try to pee once more so I don't wet in the car on the way home?"

She leaned against her mom, still wrestling with how she felt about Lani.  It was hard to be mad at her for stealing her daddy, when she found out that Lani wasn't having fun and didn't even want to be at the fair for some reason.  She hated that Lani ruined things, and she hated herself or thinking it was her fault.  Who would purposefully not want to have fun?  She felt tears leaking down her face.

 

Tom smiled at his little baby who seemed to light up when he called her special.  It wasn't a lie though.  He thought all children were special in their own ways, and that it was the caregiver's job to make sure they knew that so that they would become adults who cared about others and who believed in themselves enough to change the world.

"Of course you are special," he told her.  "People that don't see that, even if they don't know why yet, are either blind or uncaring sweetheart.  One day, you will do something great in the world.  You may not realize it.  You may not even hear about it in your own lifetime, but without you, something important would not happen.  But for you to make that happen, you have to believe in yourself.  Understand?  You have to know that you are important, sweetheart."

[Shy-Diapers]

“Yeah we can do that. How about I talk to Daddy and see if Lani feels up to getting ice cream or something?” Charlotte suggested with a smile.

She frowned when Rebecca started to cry. She sighed and took a deep breath. “Becks, think of all the fun you had today. I don’t know why Lani isn’t having fun, but I know you did. You got to ride some things, make jewelry, you got to do the bumper cars with Daddy.” She said gently, trying to get her to look on the bright side.

 

Lani shrugged when Tom tried talking to her about believing in herself. She didn’t really have the ability to fully understand what he meant. She wasn’t used to anyone believing in her. She had no real support system or sense of security so she couldn’t start to believe in herself.

She just went back to her coloring book, wanting to keep herself entertained. She was just happy to be away from how busy and harsh the fair was. Plus Tom said they’d be going home soon. 

[Ishigreensa]

Rebecca looked up at her mom.

"I'm not crying because we're leaving the fair or even that I feel cheated," she told her.  "I can't explain it.  I never felt like this before.  It's not me.  I... I don't know what it is.  I feel sad because Lani."  She had never had to think of anyone before, at least not this deeply, so Rebecca was now experiencing something new to her, a real sense of empathy.

"I want so much to be mad at Lani, but I can't.  Being mad at her for ruining things is actually making me more sad and kind of ashamed," she told her mom.  "It's like, I feel like I don't have a right to be mad even though, I feel mad.  I'm sorry.  I must be a monster for being mad at her."

She felt the shame inside her to bring bigger tears in her eyes.

 

Tom saw her shrug, and he knew that they were going to have their work cut out for them.  A child that feels no confidence in themselves is hurting far worse than a child that can bite back when they are hit or scolded for no reason.  He patted her leg.

"It's okay, special little one.  We'll work through this, okay?"

He looked up and eventually saw the two ladies coming back.

 

"Yeah, let's get her some ice cream," Rebecca eventually said just before getting to the car.  "I'll try to be quiet so she doesn't have to think.  I don't want to make her more upset."

Truth be told though, Rebecca was probably just as upset, only she had no idea of why.  She couldn't understand her mixed emotions or why she should even feel sad for Lani at all.  Lani stole her daddy's time, caused trouble every time she tried to do something, and didn't seem to appreciate that she tried to be her friend.  Was it possible that Lani just doesn't really understand what a friend is?  But why should she care?  She never had to worry about others' feelings before.  Why did she care about Lani?  She couldn't understand it, and when she got in the car, she started to stare out the window immediately forgetting her seatbelt.

[Shy-Diapers]

Charlotte sighed. “You’re not a monster sweetheart. You feel bad for Lani. You’re feeling empathy right now. That’s when you feel emotions for someone else and what’s happening to them.” She explained gently, heading towards the bathrooms at the entrance.

“You don’t have to be quiet.” She said once they were done in the bathroom. “But it might be a good idea to give her some space. I think she’s having a hard time and probably just wants some quiet time.”

Lani was quiet when Charlotte and Rebecca came to the car. She felt anxious that Rebecca was going to be mad at her. She seemed relieved when she didn’t say anything to her. She stared at her coloring book for a while before speaking up.

“I’m sorry I was bad and cried.” She said to Charlotte in a sad voice. Tom had seemed like he really wanted her to apologize, so she wanted to be good. She didn’t really understand why she had to apologize, nor what she was apologizing for exactly. That seemed somewhat clear in how she phrased her apology.

 

Charlotte looked over at Tom, unsure what to say in response to Lani’s apology. She didn’t understand why she was saying she was bad, or apologizing for crying. She glanced back at the girls and noticed Rebecca’s lack of seatbelt. “Buckle up Becks.” She said, still unsure what to say to Leilani. 

[Ishigreensa]

Tom smiled at Lani for trying, and nodded his approval.  He figured he might have to explain a few things to her though because she didn't seem to understand what he wanted her to apologize for.  He smiled and whispered to her after seeing Charlotte didn't know what to say.

"We can talk about things a little later after this is all behind us and we all have a chance to calm down from it, okay?"

Rebecca heard her say she was sorry to her mom, but she didn't quite understand either.  She was throwing a fit, but somehow, Rebecca couldn't be sure what brought the fit on.  It didn't look like Lani was really wanting anything but daddy.

"Lani?" she said after she had her belt buckled like her mom told her.  "I know you're probably mad at me and hate me.  I was wrong.  I said the wrong thing to you earlier.  You're right.  You're not stupid, and I really shouldn't have said it like that.  That was the wrong word.  I'm really sorry."

She looked up at her through the top of her head because she was feeling ashamed of having to even say this because she knew she was wrong.  "I'm very sorry.  I should have said something else, but I'm not even sure that is right.  All I know, is I'm sorry I got mad at you and said mean things to you."

She then turned away and looked at the door to look anywhere but at Lani with tears in her eyes.  She didn't want Lani to see her cry.  That wasn't fair to Lani.  Lani was the one that was hurt, so she didn't want her to apologize to her.  She understood now.  She knew her daddy was safe.  That's probably why she clung to him so much.

 

Tom smiled and sighed.

"Well, I am not sure what her neighborhood is like or what her house is like," Tom said low enough to try to hide their conversation from the children not wanting to set Lani off or have Rebecca worry about things that were none of her business.  "...But Lani seems to find loud noises very distressful.  I think that's why the fair had her on edge today.  I guess losing me for a moment was the last straw for her nerves, honey."

He looked at Charlotte.

"What I really don't understand, is normally, a child would go to a woman for comfort," he told Charlotte.  "I'm not complaining, but I am surprised that she latched herself to me.  I'm not exactly a soft spoken person, and I'd think I'd be a lot scarier to a little girl like her than you would be."

He was trying to discuss it with her, finding everything very confusing himself.

"Do you know she was surprised when I called her special?" he told Charlotte matter of fact.  "Not surprised in the way that a stranger might say it to a kid, but genuinely surprised, as if she had never heard anyone call her nice things before."

[Shy-Diapers]

Lani looked over at Rebecca. She was listening to everything she said. She wasn’t used to having anyone apologize to her, so she didn’t quite know what to say.

“I don’t hate you.” She said without much thought. She didn’t really get why Rebecca thought she hated her. She didn’t want her to think she did though.

She didn’t know what else to say to the bigger girl so she just went back to her coloring book. She didn’t want to make her mad.

 

Charlotte frowned. “I guess that makes sense. She was covering her ears when she was throwing a fit earlier.” She remembered after some thought. “I don’t know her exact neighborhood but I know her school isn’t very good at all. There’s a lot of behavioral issues and not many resources or money.”

She sighed and looked back at Lani in the mirror. “She seems so scared of us replacing her mom.” She mused. “Maybe she thinks I’m going to replace her if she accepts help from me.”

She sighed and shook her head. “I’m starting to wonder about her mother. Sure a lot of this is explainable, but even if they have no money I don’t see why you wouldn’t tell your kid they’re special…..”

[Ishigreensa]

Tom frowned.

"I told you from the moment that that woman threw a toy away on her, that something was wrong with the way she was treating her child," he said in sort of an 'I told you so' kind of way.  "Who throws their children's toys away without making sure they are either done with them or at least having a way to replace them?" he asked her.  

He sighed.

"I do see, though, that she desperately wants to go back to that woman, and so, maybe she is afraid you might replace her mother.  Maybe she's scared of liking you?"

He frowned.

"She's scared we're going to throw her away, just because she fussed a little bit like a child.  She keeps asking me when we are going to get rid of her.  I don't think she understands that people that want kids, well, they shouldn't throw kids away just because they make mistakes or throw fits, right?"

He looked over at her.

"I'm afraid no one has truly shown this child any love in her eight years."

 

Rebecca looked over when she said she didn't hate her.

"But you said we couldn't be friends?" Rebecca asked her.  "Or did that what you meant when you said we are not friends?  Usually, people say that to be mean, and they say it means I would never like you."

She looked at her as she colored.

"I didn't know it would make you upset to ask for your pencil earlier.  I won't ask you for stuff you don't want to share.  Only, next time, can you tell me you don't want to share?  I have stuff I don't want to share, too, so I do understand if the pencils were special or something to you."

He wanted Lani to know that she was trying to be there for her.

"You can still use my crayons if you want, even if the pencils are special and you don't want to disturb how they look.  I want to be friends.  I know we don't know each other yet, but I really want to... be sisters... well, foster sisters.  That means, your real mommy doesn't change, but you have an extra sister, if you are okay with that?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Charlotte sighed and frowned. “You were right, I’ll admit it.” She said genuinely. “Do we know what exactly her mom is sick with?” She asked curiously. “Her file didn’t say anything about it at all.”

“I mean I can’t blame her for being scared. She went through what, seven foster homes before she got to us? I’d be scared too honestly.” She said sadly, her heart aching for the little girl.

“I guess all we can do is show her as much love as possible. I’m not too keen on the fact her mother is going to be allowed to have visits with her though if that’s how she really treats her daughter.” Charlotte said with a heavy sigh.

 

Lani shook her head, not looking up from her coloring book.

“I said we’re not friends.” She said with a little shrug. She didn’t really know how to explain what she meant to Rebecca. In her mind, she made perfect sense and Rebecca was the confusing one with confusing interpretations of what she said. “I wasn’t being mean.”

She was fine talking with Rebecca in this way for the time being. She didn’t like making eye contact with people so she was much happier to keep coloring. “I can share.” She said calmly. She didn’t necessarily mind sharing, but she didn’t like her pencils being out of place. “You can only use one at a time.” She explained her reasoning. It wouldn’t make much sense to anybody, but it was how her brain worked and how she did things.