Richard and Katherine Grow a Family

[Ishigreensa]

Richard smiled and he nodded.  

"How about this, baby..., he thought a few minutes.  "How about we start out with twelve toys, and then I'll do some quick mental math with what I see, and then we'll decide if we can get a couple more or not.  How does that sound.  Do you know how to count to twelve?"

He rested a hand on her shoulder for a moment.

"You seem to be looking at those beads and crafts," he told her.  "How about you get three more stuffed animals, and then we'll go over there and see what you like there?"

She seemed to ignore his question about going potty, so he let it go.  He hoped it meant she didn't have to go, though it wouldn't be the end of the world if he had to clean her up.  It would just be a little scary since she did seem to get kind of scared when he was trying to figure out her undies size.

 

Samantha looked up at her mom.

"But yours ones are all adults ones," she said with a sigh.  "Those ones over there are cute, but the junior high school kids will definitely make fun of me if I wear those ones, right?  And I...," and she realized she was doing it again.  She wasn't really listening to Katherine.  It had taken her a while to realize this, nearly a year and a few months, to realize that her mommy was patient, and was trying to tell her exactly what she was saying, and that it was okay.

"Wait, you're saying I CAN wear the childish ones, like at home and when no one will see my panties, and that I can have the mature ones for when someone that might judge me will notice, like in the girls' changing rooms?" she asked her.

She smiled and started to pick out different ones like her mom said.

 

After she had gotten three packs of older girls' panties or at least more mature ones, and two packs of childish cute cartoony designs, she showed them to her mom, hoping she hadn't been asking for too much.

"So, um... the poster?  I can still do that even though I acted like a baby earlier?  Really?"

She still had trouble sometimes believing that she wasn't judge as harshly, even though it had been two years.  It just felt... like it was still a dream sometimes to her, that she would wake up, with a glaring face over her bed.  She had forgotten how much pain the whippings were like, but she knew that the images that she dreamed of getting hit scared, badly.

She took her mommy's hand, and feeling safe, started to show her where the poster was in the store, though she hadn't though to think that mom would already know where it was.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice’s little eyes went extremely wide. She let out a small squeal of excitement. She quickly straightened up after she did though, shifting her weight uncomfortably for a moment, clearly embarrassed and worried after making a sound.

She took a moment before she selected a few more stuffed animals. She picked a bright orange cat with black whiskers that was stuffed very firmly, as well as a light blue frog, and then a dark brown rabbit. “I like these ones.” She said quietly. She was more than fine with the other three stuffed animals being placed in the cart, but she seemed hesitant to hand over the dinosaur to Richard, worrying he’d take it away.

When they had moved on to the more crafty area, she looked excited but still extremely hesitant to point anything out. “What are we looking for here?” She asked, doing her best to put on her mature and grown up voice, not wanting to get in trouble.

Katherine nodded and smiled. “When you don’t need to change then you can wear the more fun ones, and on days you will change in front of others, you can wear the others.” She said cheerfully, happy to have helped her daughter find a solution. She was careful not to use words like ‘childish’ or ‘grown up’, so she didn’t make Samantha feel bad.

”Honey you didn’t act like a baby.” She repeated gently. “But yes, you can still get the poster. We can also look at other things you’d like if you want.”

Katherine was happy to let Samantha lead her around the store and pick out things she wanted. She was just glad and relieved that her daughter had relaxed a little and felt better. It was also nice that in her mind everything was going better with Alice and Richard since she hadn’t gotten another call or any messages that said otherwise.

[Ishigreensa]

Richard heard her voice start to sound excited before there was a sudden catch, as though someone had somehow turned off an alarm mid pitch.  He got down close to her and whispered in her ear.  "How old did you say you were again?  You know, Samantha squeals all the time when she's excited about something, and it's perfectly natural!  You might not believe this, but even Miss K sometimes squeals a little bit, when she is excited too.  It is a natural human emotion.  People sound different as we age, but we all squeal at excitement, sweetheart, and there is no reason to be worried about a little bit of excited noise once in a while."

He didn't know if this helped, but he remembered how Samantha did the same thing when they first got her, and he remembered their last young teenager that they had for a short stay before this little one, and she was sort of scared to make certain sounds, too.  

"What we are looking for, sweetheart, is something that you would love to have and play with or make things with.  I'm not the one that wants to do crafts, sweetheart.  I saw you looking, and I want you to be happy, so we are here for anything that you would have fun using to make your imagination go wild at home.  If you need help, I could call and ask for them to bring Samantha back.  I'm sure she knows a lot more about these girl crafts than I do.  But that's up to you, baby.  Remember, you have eight more toy sets to get before I even check to see how close we are.  So don't be scared to get something, even if it's something else until we can get Samantha to help us."

He smiled and pointed over at the origama, the strings, the beads, and other girl sets for making all sorts of different things.  "Oh, and you know what?  Every eight year old should have a baby doll."

 

Samantha leaned her body against her mommy and walked along with her, now pushing a cart since mommy said she could get some toys, the poster, and maybe some more mature things for her room.  She couldn't believe it sometimes, and tried harder to open her eyes wider.  Even after two years, sometimes, the memory of the past was so fresh on her mind, that she felt like she was dreaming or someone was tricking her, and she'd wake up in that old place that left those scares on her legs and back.

"Look mommy!" she nearly squealed louder than any typical eleven year old, but then cupped her hand over her mouth until she had control, and pointed at a horse poster.  She loved horses of all kinds, and she loved cats.  

"Can I get two posters?" she wondered aloud.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice looked nervous when Richard bent down to her. She looked down at her feet and fidgeted with the dinosaur in her arms. “I’m eight.” She said quietly, avoiding looking in Richard’s direction. She wanted to argue with him and tell him how she wasn’t supposed to make annoying sounds, but she decided it was better to be good and follow his rules.

After a bit of coaxing, she excitedly picked out a bracelet making kit with various beads and strings, as well as a book of origami instructions that came with a pack of paper, and finally a coloring book that came with 4 crayons.

Feeling more comfortable and a little brave, Alice wandered forward a bit and looked up at Richard. “What about these?” She asked hopefully, pointing to a Lite Bright and a set of Magna Tiles. She loved the colorful pieces and the cool pictures of different creations they showed on the boxes.

When Richard mentioned a doll, Alice pointed out an eighteen inch doll in a white ice skating outfit. The doll had a darker skin tone and long, dark wavy hair. “I’ve never had a doll before.” She chirped excitedly. “Mommy says they’re vain.” She parroted casually, not knowing anything other than what her mother had taught her, nor even understanding what she meant if she was honest.

 

Katherine smiled when Samantha leaned in close against her. “Honey if you’re getting tired just let me know. I know this has been a lot already and shopping can be overwhelming.” She said gently. “I’m happy to keep shopping but I wanted to give you the option.”

She smiled and put both posters in the cart that Samantha had shown interest in. “Of course you can!” She said happily. “You know when I was around your age I had tons of posters all over my room.” She reminisced, taking the moment to relate with her daughter.

”So we have your posters and some underwear.” She said while looking around. “Do you want to look at anything else?” She asked patiently.

”Remember that you can also point some things out to me for your birthday if I say we can’t get it today.” She suggested. 

[Ishigreensa]

Richard smiled and nodded as she pointed out the two extra toys and actually tried to encourage her, seeing another toy that looked kind of fun.

"Baby, are you even old enough to understand what vain even means? Honestly, in the context of having a doll, I don't even understand that word, sweetheart."

He made sure she had the one she wanted.  He pointed out all different ones until he was sure she got the one she liked.

He looked at what she already had, and he smiled.  "Well, now, it looks like you have a doll, four stuffies, two creative toys, a bracelet and an origami set," he told her.  "I count nine toys so far for he had not counted the coloring book as a toy.  To him, that was just something you normally get kids to keep them quiet on long car rides or when you needed them to sit still for a while, so he was not going to count that as one of her toys though he still intended to get not only that for her, but some more crayons.  Four crayons were not even basic in his way of thinking.  His parents had always made sure they had at least 8 crayons when they got coloring books so they would have plenty of colors, and there was no way four colors for a whole coloring book was enough.  He slipped a pack of 24 colors in for her.

"Well, we need to get you at least three more toys before we see how much we have....  Is there anywhere else you want to look, sweetheart?  Anywhere, I promise, as long it is in this area, it's fine."

He was careful to point out the area so that she didn't point to things too expensive for this trip.

 

Samantha smiled at her mommy.

"I'm not tired.  I guess I'm a bit old to lean against you like this, though, right?" she looked around and saw that most big kids didn't lean against their moms in the store.  "I... I don't know why I do it.  I guess... you make me feel... um...," she wasn't sure what word she was looking for, but she was very happy when she was in close contact with Katherine, when she knew it was her.

"Oh, can I get a couple of lamps with special lights, maybe later, not right now cause it might cost a lot?" she asked.  "I'll show you later, on your phone.  I saw it on my friend's phone from gymnasics class a couple of days ago, if I can remember the place."

She smiled as they got closer to where daddy was.

"Oh, there they are," she said.  "I think he got her a coloring book. Can I have one?"

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice smiled and slowly started to relax seeing Richard happily add everything to the cart. She was so excited to have so many cool things to play with. She hadn’t had toys of her own in so long.

She shrugged a bit when asked about the word vain. She didn’t understand a lot of things her Mommy said to her, she just knew she wasn’t supposed to have or play with dolls.

Alice was admittedly starting to get a bit overwhelmed while looking at all the toys. She was puzzled by what she thought was Richard miscounting, but she didn’t want to argue with him.

After some more looking around she picked out a marble run. She was struggling to pick out more toys at this point, but she did pick out a set of Calico Critters grey and white cats.

After she had picked out the additional two toys, she just looked around. She had no clue what else to pick and was feeling a little overwhelmed by choice.

”Can I be finished?” She asked looking up at Richard. “Please?” She added quickly, wanting to make sure to use her manners.

“I don’t mind honey. You can lean against me if you’d like.” Katherine clarified, trying to reassure Samantha.

“Sure we can definitely look at one for your birthday!” She chirped happily.

”Of course honey, you can grab a coloring book or two. Do you need more pencils or crayons?” She asked as they approached Richard and Alice.

”How’s it going with toys?” She asked her husband cheerfully, happy to see the various toys in the shopping cart. 

[Ishigreensa]

Richard smiled and nodded.  "Okay, we can always get more toys later," he told her. "Maybe after you see what Samantha has in her room, you'll get it, that you can ask for things you haven't thought of yet."

He picked his little angel up and whispered.

"Can I carry you, baby?"

He added a couple more coloring books for her.  Those things were not that expensive, and he figured the more choice she had for coloring the less difficult the hour and a half back to their town would be for her.

"You haven't answered me about the potty yet," he reminded her.  "I don't mind, if you are too nervous to use it, and want to just wet yourself, I won't be too upset, but I think that it might embarrass you, and look!  There are Miss K and Samantha.  I bet one of them will go in with you if you don't want me to take you, sweetie."

 

Samantha sighed happily as her mommy let her lien on her and she told her she could get a lamp for her birthday.  She got her two coloring books, and showed mommy a sixteen count pack of crayons.  "These are all I need.  My colors I use the most are wearing down, and this pack has most of the worn down ones in it."

 

Richard smiled as Katherine came up to him, and he smiled.  "Well, I still want to get her some more clothes.  I just wanted to take a break from it so she wasn't scared.  But I think she's okay to look again.  And I am a little worried that she hasn't denied wanting to use the toilet, but hasn't spoken up either.  I don't know what she's been through, but I don't want her holding it until we make sure that she hasn't been hurt.  Maybe now you are here, you and Samantha can take her if she still doesn't want me to?"

Samantha looked up at Alice in daddy's arms.

"He's nice and strong and safe, isn't he?" she asked her.  "I like it when daddy carries me sometimes.  It makes me feel like I'm invulnerable to everything around us."

 

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice nodded. She wasn’t sure if she’d want more toys but she was just glad she was able to stop. Toys were something she wasn’t used to getting to pick out so she was feeling overwhelmed with options.

She nodded and allowed Richard to pick her up without any problem.

Alice felt her cheeks burn a bit as Richard asked her about the bathroom again. She’d tried to ignore him asking earlier but he seemed insistent. “I don’t wet myself!” She protested unhappily, being very offended at what felt like an accusation of being a baby. Alice certainly wasn’t a baby, she was almost nine years old and her Mommy even told her she was very grown up. “I don’t gotta go.” She added after. Having not had anything to eat or drink since lunch the day before, she really didn’t have to go.

”Sure honey. Are you sure you don’t want more? You can get a big box if you’d like.” Katherine suggested with a smile. “It’s your decision though.”

She frowned at her husband a bit, trying to keep her voice down so the girls wouldn’t hear. “Well she didn’t seem too fond of me or Samantha earlier.” She started, remembering how Alice refused to even hold Katherine’s hand.

“I say we just let her be for now. We can cross that bridge when we get there.” She suggested with a slight sigh. “I don’t think us repeatedly asking so soon after getting her will make her very happy. I know I wouldn’t want someone asking me the same thing over and over after I just met them.”

“Let’s get some clothes for her, even just a few. If need be we can always go shopping again in a few days. I don’t want anyone overwhelmed or upset.” Katherine said in a normal tone so everyone could hear.

Alice averted her eyes when Samantha spoke to her. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t necessarily enjoy being carried by Richard, but she also didn’t like walking around barefoot on the cold tile floor.

 

[Ishigreensa]

Richard rubbed her back and whispered.  "Of course you're a big girl, sweetheart.  I'm sorry.  I was just trying to make things easy for you.  But since you don't need to go, then we can just drop it.  I guess I was just worried about your feelings, honey."

He adjusted her as the ladies came over.

When Richard talked to Katherine about the problem, and Katherine told him that it was best to just bide things and see what happened, he nodded.  

"I'm okay with twenty four colors.  Besides, that might give you more money for my birthday presents," Samantha smiled slyly and then looked down a little embarrassed.  "I mean, if that's okay."

"You're right," Richard nodded when she talked about how uncomfortable it might be to talk about going to the bathroom over and over.  He also agreed that they just needed enough clothes that she had a few things to change into until she was comfortable.  "I'll maybe pick up some stuff on my way home from work tomorrow," he told Katherine.  "That way, then the children don't have to spend so long at the store.  I can get an idea of what she likes by what she picks out today."

 

Samantha looked up at her.

"Alice?  I'm sorry if I sounded bossy earlier.  I know I sounded like a bully, and I didn't mean to.  You don't have to do anything I say just because I say it might be fun or I think it's better than something else.  I think we equal in this family, and I sorry that I called my mommy your mommy.  I get it.  I don't want another mommy than the one I have.  I don't want another daddy, either.  So, I sorry I talked about my mommy like she's your mommy.  Please don't be mad forever?"

She then looked down and let the adults start leading them towards more clothes.

They were in the store for about another thirty minutes having finally gotten the Little Alice some sleeping clothes, a few pairs of pants or skirts and a few shirts so she's have enough for at least a week without having to wear the same things again.

As they were about to leave the store, Richard whispered to Katherine, trying to not let the children hear.

"Since we are here, would you get Samantha some night time diapers again? She's probably close to being out, and the little pads that go in them... you know?  The ones you showed me that helps with leaking?  And I'm not sure about Alice....  Her things didn't look that stained, so she might not have the same problems that Samantha is still trying to get over, but... well, do what you think is best.  I'll keep both girls with me so they don't see you getting the extra things."

He would do it, but the full carts, two of them, now, needed two big people to push them and he was sure Samantha could handle the cart with less in it if mommy went to get the diapers for her, and he didn't want to send Samantha off on her own or to embarrass her.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice was happy that Richard listened to her protests. She did not want him to think she was a baby who still had accidents, especially since this was her last try at staying with a family before going to a group home.

Alice picked out a variety of clothes with some coaxing and prompting by Richard. She was still hesitant and unsure but she genuinely liked all the clothes she picked out.

Katherine smiled at Samantha and let her look around and get some clothes if she wished.

”I think I can grab some in the next few days closer to home.” She said quietly to her husband. “I don’t want to risk embarrassing her by Alice seeing when we carry things in or anything. She can last a few more days.”

She looked at Alice for a moment when he brought her up. “I mean most eight year olds are dry at night and during the day too. I’m sure if there was an issue like that it would’ve been in her file.” She said, partially thinking out loud. Samantha’s file and history had it documented that she frequently had issues with soiling herself both at night and during the day, so she figured Alice’s would say anything if it applied.

Alice listened to what Samantha was saying to her but she didn’t really know how to respond. She didn’t know what she was supposed to say to this girl. “It’s okay.” She said quietly when the older girl apologized. She didn’t even fully register what was being said anymore. She just knew that when someone apologized to you that you were supposed to say it’s okay.

When it came time to check out, Alice was hesitant to give up her dinosaur. She’d only had it for less than an hour and logically she knew it needed to be paid for. But that didn’t mean she was happy to let go. “I’ll be good.” She squeaked out after a moment. “I don’t wanna give him back. I’ve never had a dinosaur before.” She said with a slight whine, seeming scared if she let go of the plush then she’d never see it again.

Once all the shopping was done and paid for, Katherine helped load the car and climbed in. “I think we should stop and get something to eat. It’s been a long time since breakfast and the drive home will be long.” She suggested. She didn’t want to say it out loud but she also wondered if Alice had gotten to eat anything at all that day so far.

[Ishigreensa]

Richard nodded at Katherine when she talked about the kids.  Maybe he was over reacting.  

"Of course, it would be best if Alice doesn't see, but I don't know.  It sounds like she'll be with us forever.  Do you think we can hide it forever?"

Samantha picked out a pair of purple overalls and a shirt with a cat that had tiger stripes on it, the face facing the front as if addressing the person she faced, and the caption below it read.... "Purrr-fect!  Now I've got you!"

Richard saw the little one scared to death to relinquish her plushie, and he looked apologetically to the cashier.  "You can wave that price wand over the tag, can't you?" he asked her. "Or would it be alright if I tear the tag off so you can scan it?  I know most parents don't request things like this, but she's not just being a brat, I promise.  The little one has had some hard times, and I think this is the first time she's actually had toys in a long time.  So, you know, just this once?  I'll pay you double if I need to."

The lady smiled and shook her head.

"We deal with little kids all the time with something in their hands.  Don't worry."

She used a wand sensor and read the tag for the toy, though it took a couple of tries because it was hard to get the tag turned right since Alice had the creature in her grip, and seemed so scared to let go of it.

Richard held her over the counter so the lady could read the tag with the scanner.

Then he put her back in the cart because the ground would be rocky, and he had to push the cart to the car.

As they walked back, he thought about what she was saying, and though how neglectful of them.  Of course, even Samantha was hungry, and he was sure he told her to eat breakfast that morning.

"We can stop by that family restaurant or by McDonalds, which ever you feel more up to.  I am thinking though, if the little one hasn't eaten since last night, she should probably have a real meal instead of just a burger and fries, no?"

Samantha relaxed in the seat and closed her eyes.  It had been a long day, and at the moment, she didn't realize that she was hungry, but once it was brought up, she would fully know that she had not had lunch at a decent time.

[Shy-Diapers]

“She won’t be with us forever.” Katherine corrected. “We have to keep that in mind. It’s easy to think that way since she’s more long term, but she’s only with us until her mother is better.” She said while looking at the little girl. She wished they’d be able to keep her forever, but she knew Alice loved her mom and that they were there until the mom was healthy.

Alice seemed relieved that her dinosaur plush wouldn’t be taken from her. She kept her grip tight on it and let Richard place her in the cart and eventually the car.

Katherine nodded. “I think something more substantial is a good idea. I’m not sure what she likes, but I’m sure they’ll have something for her. Then after that we’ll head home and get everyone settled.” She said cheerfully.

Alice paid close attention the conversation being had in the front seat. She kept her gaze out the window but she wanted to know what was going on. She was excited to get to eat something finally. She’d had a sandwich for lunch the day before but hadn’t been allowed to eat dinner at the previous foster home because someone else had blamed her for breaking something. She was absolutely starving. 

[Ishigreensa]

"Of course, you are right.  It's just... I really don't want to turn her back over unless they prove that her mom is better and able to take care of her.  You know we've seen this happen before we even got Samantha, right?  At least two teenagers were taken from us before their mom was ready, and they ended back up in the foster system because their mothers were not as ready as they thought they were."

He sighed. "I just hope her mom does get better for her sake.  She loves her so much, and is constantly reminding us she has a mommy.  I want the little one to have what she deserves the first time and not have to go through the hurt of finding out that they tried to put them together before her mom was ready."

He drove up to the family restaurant, but before going in, he looked back at the children.

"What do you feel like eating?" he asked Samantha.

"Um... I guess something with chicken in it?" she asked.

He smiled.  That sounds pretty good.

He then turned to Alice.  "And what do you like to eat?"

Of course, they would let her order from the menu if she wanted to, but just in case she froze up like so many kids did that they had over the years, he decided that he'd find out what she liked, that way, if she did freeze up, they would at least have an idea of what to get her.

He turned to Katherine.

"I'm thinking about the steak dinner.  You?" he asked to try to encourage the little one to speak up about her likes.  Then he tried with her one more time, to see if she would speak up and tell them what she liked.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her.  "They have hamburger, steak, chicken, pork chops, roast, stew, and other things."

[Shy-Diapers]

Katherine nodded. “I know. But I’m confident she’ll get better enough to have Alice back again. I mean she already has visitation rights which is more than most biological parents we’ve seen.” She said hopefully.

”I know.” She sympathized. “She loves her mom so much and it would be so much better for her if she could stay with her mom when she’s healthy again.” As much as she already adored little Alice and she would love to keep her forever, she knew it wasn’t their job, at least not yet. Their job was to provide a safe and loving environment for her while her mother got better.

Alice squired uncomfortably when she was asked about food. She was absolutely starving and was excited to get to eat. On the other hand though, she didn’t want to get in trouble or do something wrong so she had to be very careful.

She decided to try to avoid the question for now, hoping Richard would drop it.

”I think I’ll get a pork chop and some potatoes and veggies.” Katherine chirped happily. She sensed that her husband was trying to encourage Alice to speak up so she was happy to play along.

“I’ll eat anything Mister.” Alice spoke quietly after being asked for a second time. In reality Alice was described as a little bit of a picky eater, though she truly would eat anything. Having faced food insecurity at home she was used to eating whatever she could even if it didn’t taste good or made her feel bad. She was just grateful to get something to eat most days. 

[Ishigreensa]

Richard knew from experience with other kids, that when a kid said they would eat anything when their files said that they were difficult when it came to food normally meant that there was something wrong, either the system had failed them and didn't listen to the child, or that the child was somehow scared to speak up, but he decided that making her upset was not the answer.

"Okay," he told Alice.  "We'll just go into the restaurant, and then if you need help reading the menu, one of us could help."  He knew that Samantha needed help to read hers.  She was going into seventh grade this year, but still had a very hard time with reading and writing.

Samantha looked down and was a little bit nervous.  She didn't mind so much being younger and unable to read, but she was always a little bit afraid that younger kids might think she was stupid when she couldn't read as well as them.

Richard parked the car, and then he turned and looked back at the girls.

"Okay, I would like to ask you both to do something for us," he told them though he smiled.  "When we go in, please sit as quietly as you can.  You can talk, but remember to use inside voices, okay?"  He was doing this because Alice was eight, and though she seemed a little bit quieter than a lot of kids, he wanted to make sure to let her know that this was a place to try to be on her best behavior, but to not single her out, he addressed both children.  Besides, Samantha could get a little giggly at times and then loud from that.

He smiled at them both, and then at Katherine.  "Let's get our children fed, then."

He got out and went to Alice's side of the car and he squatted down next to her and checked on her feet.

"Do they hurt?" he  asked her.  "We have new shoes for you, but I don't want to put shoes on your blistered feet yet.  I want to let them rest.  Does that make sense?" he asked her.  "However, if you really want some shoes on, we can try to put your shoes on and see how you feel.  I don't mind carrying you, and letting you walk when we get inside if it hurts to wear your shoes, baby."

"Daddy?" Samantha whispered.  "It happened again at the store, and I probably smell bad."

He looked over at Katherine.  "I didn't notice anything, sweetheart.  If you are a little nervous though, we can get you a blanket and let you wrap up in it."

Samantha looked at her mommy.  They had let her use an old blanket when she wet herself before to hide her peeing in the car when she went in.  She wasn't wet right now, but she was a little nervous about smelling bad and embarrassing her mommy and daddy because of it.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice looked intently at Richard when he explained that they’d need to be quiet and sit nicely in the restaurant. She took this instruction to heart and was determined to do the absolute best job she could. In her mind, the better she behaved and listened, the less likely she would be to go to a group home, and the faster she can go home to her mom.

”I can read the menu! I’m eight!” She said somewhat defiantly. Despite being behind in many different areas of development compared to other children her age, Alice actually had no problems with reading. Maybe it was because she didn’t have much else to do besides reading, or maybe it was just natural. Either way, Alice was confident she would have no issues reading the menu inside.

”They’re fine.” Alice said softly when Richard asked about her feet. She didn’t want to complain about the pain and get in trouble or seem like she was being bad. In reality even though she was accustomed to the pain in her feet from the blisters and tight shoes, they did really hurt.

Katherine nodded and grabbed her purse and got out of the car.

She sighed a bit when Samantha was worried about her accident still. “Honey, we’ve been over this.” She said gently. “I gave you wipes to clean up with when you changed your clothes. Besides, even if you didn’t have wipes to clean yourself with, you’re in clean clothes now and nobody thinks you smell.” She did her best to be gentle and patient with her daughter, but sometimes it felt like no matter how much progress they made that Samantha never believed her.

”If we thought you smelled or that something was wrong we would be honest sweetie. Nobody is going to think you smell.” She insisted with a gentle tone. As much as she wanted to reassure and help Samantha and didn’t want her to grow up too fast, sometimes she had to get her to be a little more realistic and logical and know how to handle things closer to what was considered age appropriately.

[Ishigreensa]

Richard checked the little one's feet again, and he shook his head.  "Well, if your feet feel fine to you, then I'd like to just carry you in," he told her.  "I miss having a child small enough to carry around sometimes, so with your permission, I'd like to carry you in, okay?  Your feet have so many blisters on them, I don't think I've ever seen a foot this bad off before, sweetheart.  We need to do something to make it feel better even if you think it's fine.  If this feels fine, then when your feet are healthy again, you'll feel like you are in heaven."

He undid her seatbelt and pulled her towards him and patted her back.

"You don't have to be so scared here, sweetheart.  We are not going to send you to a group home.  I promise.  I would not ever wish that on a child no matter what a child had been accused of doing in her past," he told the little one.  "You have to remember something, too.  Your mommy isn't sick because of you, baby.  You are such a sweet helpful little one.  Do you understand?  You are never going to a group home as long as we have the say about it, okay?"

He picked the little girl up, knowing she probably wanted her shoes, but also knowing that putting shoes on her feet the way they were, was not going to help them get better.

 

Samantha looked up at Katherine, and she nodded.  "I'm sorry, mommy.  I just get... I don't know...," and she blush really red.  How could she explain how scared she was when she made mistakes even though her mommy and daddy really didn't care how many times she did something wrong?  "I'm sorry."

Richard looked over and saw Samantha shaking.

"Sweetie, you don't smell, but I think you should take the blanket with you anyway," he told her.  He mouthed at Katherine.  "Co-fo-di-n-ce!" (Confidence) to let his wife know why he was letting Samantha get away with this.  He knew his wife was right because she was about everything else she did with Samantha, but he also wanted to make sure that Samantha had her security devices when he was afraid she would get upset from being too scared.

The child had her hands near her mouth, and touched her lips with them.  When she was around Alice's age, when she got scared, she used to put all her fingers in her mouth that she could cram in there, and she would rock.  Her legs were a little bouncy, and she looked squirming, in a nervous sort of way.

He picked Alice up and started to carry her and walked around to Katherine's side to make sure she had Samantha calmed down, and then he walked them in like they were the most normal family you'd see, though the little one having sore feet exposed and the teenager looking around at other people nervously, with her blanket pulled tightly if she had it, or two of her fingers slipping into her mouth if she didn't have it.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice nodded and let Richard carry her. She didn’t really mind when he carried her around, and it seemed to make her happy. Not having to walk on her sore feet was also definitely a plus.

The small girl felt her heart stop for a moment when Richard started talking about her fears. How does he know? Was I bad? Did I tell him I was scared by accident? Her mind raced with questions and confusion. When he mentioned her mother being sick she felt a few tears in her eyes, though she was trying to force them away. No! Don’t cry! Crying is bad and for babies! You’re big now you’re not supposed to cry! She held her breath for a moment until the tears went away.

”But it is my fault.” She said quietly. Her file didn’t specify much about the mother aside from struggling with poverty and Alice being removed from her for neglect. “She’s sad and sleepy all the time. Mommy gets sicker when I’m bad.” She added after a moment. There was more she wanted to say but was scared of saying something bad about her mother. As much as Alice was neglected and struggled at home, she adored her mother. After all, she was the only person Alice had. She told me so. It is my fault. If I was a good girl Mommy wouldn’t be so sad and angry and tired all the time. 

Katherine sighed. She wasn’t thrilled that Richard encouraged Samantha to bring the blanket in. She did her best to reassure Samantha but it was frustrating when it sometimes seemed to go in one ear and out the other. She felt like she was sometimes constantly repeating herself and nothing ever helped. She sometimes wondered if Samantha would ever start to catch up with her age group.

“Honey I promise that you don’t smell. You believe me don’t you? Take the blanket inside if you want, but we need to get inside and eat.” She insisted gently and calmly.

Once they were inside, Katherine sat on the opposite side of the booth from Richard and Alice, letting Samantha choose if she was on the inside or the outside.

“Do you know what you want to eat?” She asked Samantha after she’d had a moment to look over the menu.

[Ishigreensa]

Richard felt the little one stiffen a little, and having held Samantha when she was about to cry many times, he recognized the apprehension, and the shiver that went through the little one as her body shook for release.  He had held a few little ones even besides Samantha that were going to cry, and so he knew, not necessarily that the little one would full on cry, but he knew she was upset.

"Baby...," he whispered in her ear.  "It's alright," and he forced her back down against him and rubbed her back just like she was a little girl that had been crying or was about to cry, to let her know, that she was allowed to feel safe too.

Richard didn't like how the little girl said that her mommy got more sick when she was bad.  There was something that was not adding up.  He knew though, that bringing up around Alice would only upset her, so he decided to talk to Katherine about it later.  He also saw how fearful she was around Katherine at times, and he wasn't sure if he was imagining things or not, but could her mom be the one that made the little one scared of women?  

 

Samantha nodded her head when she was asked if she believed Katherine.  Of course, Katherine was kind and always looked out for her and made sure she wasn't put in scary situations.  Of course, she wouldn't lie, besides, no one liked to have Samantha around them, especially eating if she smelled bad, so why would Katherine tell her that she didn't smell and then let her go in to eat?  She was telling her the truth, but she still was scared.  What if she did smell?

Samantha wrapped the blanket tightly around herself.  

Richard held his temporary baby in his lap while they waited to be seated.  He rubbed her back and rocked her, and then they were taken to the table.  Of course Katherine took Samantha to one side of the table, and Richard whispered.  "I'm going to put you down next to me," he told her.  "Now, I want you to get anything that you like to eat.  If you hesitate, then we'll just try to get you something anyway, but I'd like you to pick something you know you'll like.  And don't look at the numbers on the menu," he told her.

 

"S...st...sta...k," Samantha struggled to read the menu even though they had been to this place at last a few times a year for the last two years.  H..ha... handbu... ham.. ha...," she pushed the menu aside and so hard that the menu went flying off the table almost knocking the salt off, and she looked down at her lap.  Her teachers told her last year that she was improving, but she still couldn't read this stupid menu!

Tears started to gather in her eyes.  She still needed help with the menu.

Richard started to look like he was about to correct Samantha not realizing why she suddenly threw the menu across the table, but then he saw her teary eyes and looking down at her lap.  Something was wrong with her.  He wasn't sure what to say.  She was supposed to be the stable one, but she still had sensitive buttons that never seemed to go away.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice flinched a bit when Richard held her close. She wasn’t sure how she felt about this. It scared her and made her nervous at first, but then some part of her felt comforted by it. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been held so close and gently like that.

Katherine was glad that even if Samantha brought the blanket in, she was at least no longer obsessing over if she smelled or not.

When Samantha pushed the menu off the table she sighed and shook her head. “Samantha.” She corrected gently. “I know you’re frustrated but that’s not how we handle things when we’re having a hard time.” She made sure to keep her voice and tone calm and even so Samantha wouldn’t feel like she was being scolded. “If you need help with reading the menu, please ask somebody. Pushing things off the table isn’t respectful. You can also point to it if you need help.”

She had Samantha pick the menu up and then smiled. “Now, can you point out to me what you want?” She asked happily, acting like nothing had happened. She didn’t want Samantha to feel like she could do things or misbehave and not get corrected for it, but she also didn’t want her to feel punished or like she was bad.

Alice was a little confused by how much the older girl was struggling to read the menu. She didn’t understand why Samantha was having a hard time, she had no problem reading it.

Despite being told not to look at the prices, Alice did just that. “Can I have a grilled cheese, please?” She asked politely, pointing to its place on the menu. She wanted something much more filling and substantial but she was used to having to be extremely money conscious so she chose the cheapest thing on the menu she could find.

The entire time Alice was sitting there, she was extremely still and silent. She only moved or spoke when she was spoken to and when it was absolutely necessary. Richard had told her to be good and sit quietly, so she was going to do her absolute best, even if it meant she was using most of her energy and focus to do so.

[Ishigreensa]

Richard knew that little kids liked grilled cheese, and he thought she wanted it because of that, so he patted her leg, and lifted her head up to him so he could look into her eyes, but he did so gently, so if she wanted to move her head, it wasn't hard.

"Baby, of course you can have a grilled cheese sandwich, but we'll let you eat that after you have something that will fill up your tummy a bit more.  That is one of the problems that brought you to us, sweetheart, not eating enough of a balanced meal at home.  So, what we will do, is I will take the menu and tell you what meat is available, and you pick between the meat.  Then we will order you a kids' meal based on that, and after that, we will have them bring your grilled cheese, since that is what you wanted, okay?"

He looked over at Samantha.  

"We are not getting a dessert, here, honey.  I'm sorry, but I want to make sure we feed this little one properly, so when we get close to the house, we'll stop in at Seven Eleven or something and get some ice cream there, okay?"

 

Samantha looked up at Katherine, and she had tears in her eyes.  "But that's the problem.  I can't even point out what I want cause I can't stupid read it!" she shook trying to keep her voice down and trying to be good.  She had gotten the menu from the floor like Katherine asked her to do, but she had tears in her eyes.

She looked over where someone was eating what she wanted, but she knew it was impolite to point, and she was trying to find that on the menu, but there was no picture of it.  Samantha still lacked the subtle skill of gesturing with her head or pointing in other ways that didn't use her fingers, and she really was behind, linguistically, from most twelve year olds, mostly because she had not really had friends, until they had put her in this gymnastics group about a month ago to get her out there to make friends.  It was Richard's idea when he saw her doing tumbling in the yard a couple of months back.

When Richard told her that there would be no dessert at the restaurant, that didn't really bother her.  Sometimes, they got it, sometimes they didn't, so she was okay either way, though honestly, she still perked up when it was allowed.

"I want what she's having," Samantha finally told her mom pointing at another kid at another table, but with her hands under the table so the people in the restaurant wouldn't see her being rude.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice frowned and squirmed a little bit. She didn’t move her head but quickly averted her eyes when Richard tried to initiate eye contact.

She frowned and looked down at her lap when Richard mentioned needing more than just the grilled cheese. She was absolutely starving but she didn’t want to waste the nice family’s money. She was used to picking the cheapest option possible and didn’t know anything different. “I eat enough at home.” She said after a moment.

She sighed and relented however. She didn’t want to be bad and try to argue with Richard so she let him pick her something out that had chicken in it.

”Samantha, you are not stupid and you are not allowed to call yourself such.” Katherine scolded gently. “If you have a question about what something says you can point it out on the menu and I’ll read it and tell you what it’s made of.” She insisted, trying to rephrase what she had already told the almost twelve year old.

”They’re having raviolis honey.” Katherine said, making sure not to let her frustrations show.

”You can get that if you want.” She started. “But Samantha, we’ve come here many times, you know what you’ve gotten from here before.” She pointed out in a gentle yet logical tone. “If you don’t want to ask for help reading the menu you can just ask for something you liked from here before. You have options aside from getting mad and throwing your menu.”

[Ishigreensa]

Richard was as patient as he could be and eventually got his temporary baby something with chicken and mashed potatoes and the works, and he made sure to order a side of a grilled cheese for her to make sure she saw that he kept his word when he said she could have something.

He patted her lap.

"It's okay, baby.  I just want to make sure you eat at our house.  You are going to be treated just like part of the family, and you don't have to call us mommy or daddy for that to happen.  I know you have a mommy.  I just want you to know, your health and your being happy is important to us, sweetheart."

 

Samantha nodded and frowned.  "I forgot what they had here.  And I saw what she was eating, but pointing is bad.  And I tried to read it, but the words are hard, and...." and she started to get tears in her eyes and was sobbing a little bit.

"I'm never going to read right!  Everyone at my old places called me stupid.  The kids at school call me stupid, and I've even heard the teachers talking about me like I was stupid, but it was because I was spying on them so they didn't know I was listening." she admitted.  "No one tells you the truth to your face unless they are being mean to you."

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice nodded along with what Richard was saying. She decided not to push anything. Deep down she was excited to get something more substantial to eat than just a grilled cheese. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a full meal unless you counted school lunch.

Katherine sighed and looked pleadingly at Richard. “Samantha, you need to breathe and take a second to calm down.” She said gently, taking deep breaths to model for the girl. “Nobody is mad at you. I promise.” She insisted calmly.

”You are not stupid. People are mean but that doesn’t make them right. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. I’m not so good at math and don’t remember much of it, but Daddy is excellent at math.” She offered as a way to relate to and hopefully calm Samantha down.

”Do you need to take a step outside to get some fresh air and breathe?” Katherine asked. She wasn’t asking in a threatening way that would lead Samantha to think she was in trouble, but rather just trying to offer a solution. “You can either take some deep breaths and calm down inside, or we can go outside until you’ve calmed down enough to come back in.”

Alice watched Samantha very nervously. She didn’t understand why this girl was so much older than her and getting so upset in public. She was also very shocked and confused as to why Katherine was being so calm and patient. Her Mommy would’ve been very mad at her if she had acted out in public like that and started crying and threw her menu. She didn’t realize it, but she shuddered a bit as she thought about it.

[Ishigreensa]

Samantha tried to do what mommy said, and tried to calm down.  She fisted her hands and squeezed until they were white, but nothing would take away those hateful words she'd heard most of her life, well, all the way up until the Jfords got her, and they were nice, but sometimes, she thought they were just being nice.  She had never heard either of them call her stupid, but these were the only people that didn't.

"You are so stupid and Stinky!" she remembered even last year some kids in her year referring to the fact she had had an accident, and didn't even write anything on the worksheet they were working on besides.  "Stinky Sam, Stupid Sam, Stink Sam," they sang at her.  She had gotten embarrassed near the end of sixth grade, going to see the nurse, so about two months before the end of school, she pretended not to have had an accident and sat all day in her wet pants.  She thought she tricked Katherine, who was always the one home and washing all her clothes for her when she had to change all the time.  She decided two months before the end of the year, she'd just stop making extra laundry for the nice mommy, and just wear her wet things.

She didn't think her mommy end knew she was doing that.  Of course, at home, she was only wet in the mornings unless something made her scared or nervous to go to the toilet, and that usually only happened if they weren't home.

Samantha was trying to breath slowly, but she was shaking.

Richard had seen Katherine give him the eye, and knew it was time for him to step in.

"Sit here, and when your food comes, you can eat," he told Alice. "I need to go have a word with Samantha.  She's not going to get in trouble.  She just needs to talk something out."

He stood up and put his hand out for Samantha who knew that this meant that she no longer had a choice.  Either she go with him willingly now, or she'd hear about it later.

She stood up and he walked her towards the bathrooms, and stopped by the sinks where people can wash their hands outside the washrooms.

"Baby, your mom is right!  I've been through this nonsense about people being mean.  You even agreed with us, they'd find a reason to be mean on matter what, and it has nothing to do with your intelligence or your smelling.  You know you don't stink, sweetheart.  Mommy wouldn't let you go around stinking if she noticed, and you take baths often enough that even if mommy didn't wipe you up earlier, you wouldn't be that noticeable."

Samantha looked down.

"I'm not scolding you, sweetheart.  There is something else wrong, and I know that you are bothered by something.  Now, do you know what you are being bothered about?"

"How come you knew I peed my pants?" she sniffled a little.

"Because your mom said she gave you wet wipes to clean up, you had different pants on, and you were very upset earlier, sweetheart."

"Then Alice knows."

"She hasn't let on knowing anything we were talking about, and honestly, you were being fussy before I even knew you were wet, so you are just avoiding whatever it is that you are not wanting to tell us.  If you don't tell us, baby, we can't help you."

"I don't deserve help.  I am just stu...."

"Samantha, stop that right now before I do swat you.  Calling yourself names is just as bad as doing it to others.  It is actually worse.  Now, if you don't know what is wrong, then we can talk about this later, but you need to wash your face, dry your tears, and stop listening to those mean voices in your head.  You have some problems, and most any child that comes from being in foster care for more than four or five years like you did, would have problems."

"How come you are letting Alice sit in my spot?"

"Your spot?"

"You always put me next to you at restaurant.  Or Don't you remember?"

Richard sighed and he held out his hands to touch hers.

"Sweetheart, your mommy loves you too, and she should get some time with you by her side, too.  As for Alice, I don't know what is going on with her, but she seems scared of mommy right now, so that's why I'm keeping her by my side for now.  I don't know what happened, and it's not really something you should worry about, baby.  You have enough problems on your plate trying to cope with your own problems, okay?"

Samantha nodded.  "I'm sorry."

"It's okay.  If you don't want to talk any more here, we can do this at home.  Are you ready to wash your face, dry your tears and try to eat?"

"Yeah," Samantha nodded.  

Samantha walked back to her mother after she had washed her face dried up her tears, and she hugged her.

"I'm sorry I threw a fit.  I... I'm just... I don't know what's wrong with me, but dad says we have to talk about it when we get home tonight."

Richard nodded.

"And I do believe you, mommy.  I never meant to say I didn't.  It's just hard... because... people were mean even last year."

She blushed and looked down.

Richard got in his seat, and looked around to see if their food had come yet since he had taken Samantha off to talk to her for about ten minutes.