Richard and Katherine Grow a Family

[Shy-Diapers]

“She’s been through a lot recently so it’s normal for her to be nervous.” Katherine agreed gently. “Plus she still has a mommy who she wants to go back to which can be really hard when you’re taken from somebody you love.”

“Carry me….please.” Alice said softly, making sure to be as polite as possible. After sitting still for so long earlier she wasn’t keen on being strapped into something again. While she’d much prefer to walk, she knew that wasn’t an option without shoes so being carried was the least bad option to her. 

Katherine nodded and headed over to the children’s shoe section while she talked. “Do we know if any of those things even fit her? The clothes she has one look too small and it wouldn’t surprise me if everything else was too small as well. I doubt she’d willingly put on clothes that didn’t fit if she had ones that did.”

Alice stared down while the adults talked about her. A knot was growing in her stomach. It was never good when grown ups talked about her. She was still a little squirmy but felt slightly more free now that wasn’t strapped in anywhere. Her cheeks burned a bit when Richard mentioned her clothes weren’t clean. “I washed them all.” She said quietly, trying to defend herself. She felt ashamed that they didn’t think she did a good job and was dirty.

“She definitely should have some toys. Even if she only stays a little while at least she’ll have them to bring back home.” Katherine agreed. “A kid her age needs toys to play with.” 

[Ishigreensa]

"You know what, you're right," Richard said.  "We were going to get a second kid for a while, and I have the funds in savings, so let's just get her the stuff she needs, a full new wardrobe, the shoes, the toys and the works?  I think we have like 1200 saved up, so maybe spend 200 on Samantha.  It's been a while since we got her new stuff, too."

Samantha smiled up at them when she heard she was going to get some stuff, too.

Richard gladly carried the little one, and his smile actually grew when she chose to let him carry her.

They got over to the shoe section, and Richard whispered to his little one, turning his eyes to meet hers.

"Alice, sweetheart, like I said, you need shoes.  You have to wear them, so I'd like help picking them out so we get you ones you actually want to wear.  Is that alright?  Can you help us out and pick out some shoes that we need for you?  You need a pair for school, a pair for more important things, and a pair to play in."

He patted her back.

"Since we are in the store, I'll let you get down, but I want you staying next to either Aunty K, or myself, okay?  You can point out to shoes that you think look pretty."

Samantha looked up to her mommy.

"Am I really allowed to get stuff, too?" she asked.

[Shy-Diapers]

Katherine nodded in agreement. Even if they wouldn’t get to keep her, Alice desperately needed new things and someone to care for her. She was happy to be that family for her. 

Alice listened intently and nodded. She looked around the small aisle they were in, always within 5 feet of the family. She didn’t quite understand the difference between play and school, but didn’t want to ask. Her eyes got drawn to a pair of sparkly pink and purple Velcro sneakers, but when she saw they were more expensive than a more plain pair she averted her gaze.

Biting her lip nervously, Alice pointed out the cheapest sneakers and the cheapest dress shoes she saw. Her mother didn’t usually have lots of money for nice and pretty things unless it was a holiday or something. She learned a long time ago not to bother asking for expensive things. Being only eight, she didn’t have a concept of how expensive something was, only knowing which numbers were bigger and which were smaller.
 

She cast her eyes to the floor, trying to avoid the sparkly sneakers and the brown leather Mary Janes she saw, not wanting to think about things she couldn’t have. 

Katherine nodded and smiled. “Yeah you can get stuff too. You’re growing and it’s been a while since you’ve gone shopping.” She said sweetly. “If you want to look at something other than shoes just let me know and we can go look while Daddy stays with Alice.”

[Ishigreensa]

Samantha nodded and smiled and went over towards Alice, and then saw that look at the floor, like she'd settle for what she pointed out, but really, she ached in her heart for something else.  In some places, the people straight up bought other kids stuff, and she was lucky to get some thong-style sandals out of it.  She felt her heart ache.  It was so long ago since she had to be so... careful not to get punished for wanting something.

"I know daddy will get these if you really want them, but... he'll get you those too," and though Samantha didn't see what the girl wanted, she pointed at something that was nearly as expensive.  "You don't have to settle with these mommy and daddy like you did with the others.  They want to spend money for you.  You are like you are their child, in a heart.  I promise."

Samantha looked into her eyes.

"You think we are made of money?" she heard in her head as she remembered the cruel people buying their three kids two pair of nice shoes, but yelled at her for even pointing out a pair of cheap flipflops.  

"You can have those, too," Samantha tried to blink back tears as she pointed at another pair of roller-shoes, ones with wheels on the bottom of the shoes.  "They gave me a pair like that a year ago."

Samantha was shaking a little bit, the emotions and comparisons that this girl reminded her of before the JFords and now.  She was nearly crying, as she shook in place.

Richard came over and put a gentle hand on Samantha.

"It's okay, baby," he whispered to her and looked at Katherine.

[Shy-Diapers]

“I’m not their child!” Alice insisted angrily. Her voice was harsh but shaky. “I have a mommy!” She was willing herself to not get tears in her eyes. She was grateful to have a place to live but she didn’t want to replace her mother whom she still loved very much. 

Alice turned away from Samantha, not liking how much eye contact the girl tried to make. So far she did not have high opinions of this older girl. She wanted to yell at her to leave her alone, but she had to do her best to control her impulses, even if she wasn’t fully capable of doing so. 

Katherine sighed and frowned. She put a hand on Samantha’s shoulder and tried to guide her away. “Let’s go look for stuff you want sweetie.” She said in a soft and caring tone. She hoped that a distraction would help Samantha calm down, and that giving Alice some space would help relieve some of the very palpable tension. 

“Do you want to maybe look at some new clothes or a fun game or activity?” Katherine offered gently. “Or maybe we can look at decorations for your room. Does any of that sound good?”

[Ishigreensa]

Richard pulled the little one into a hug and he whispered to her.

"Sweetheart, it's okay.  I know you have a mommy, and no one is going be replacing her.  You don't have to call us daddy and mommy, and you don't have to think of Samantha as your sister, baby.  We can still be family, and still not replace anyone that you love.  I know that's hard to understand right now, but that's why I'd like you to call me Uncle Rich right now, if you can.  An Uncle is family, but not in the same way as a mommy or daddy, right?  And Uncles can buy their nieces nice stuff, too.  They do it all the time around Christmas time."

He started to pick her up.

"Look, we are getting you stuff you can use at our house, and when your mommy is all better, then you can take any or all of the things with you when you go back home, okay?"

He looked at the shoes in her hands.

"I can get you those," he told her. "But honestly, they don't look like something a princess like you would get if you had a choice.  If you had a choice, and you really wanted something, can you just show me what it would be even if you don't want me to buy it?" he asked her as he held now, whispering in her ear.  "I won't get anything right now that you are not comfortable with, but if I know what you like, then maybe someday, after you are with your mommy again, you might find it under a Christmas tree.  Would you like that?"

 

Samantha shuddered against her mommy, and she clung to her, wrapping her arms around her.  

"That girl has had people just like me," she sobbed.  "People that don't care about her feet or her feelings!  She can't even get nice shoes cause she scared, just like what happened me.  I... I... Why do you get me nice stuff even I didn't come from your stomach?" Samantha suddenly asked her.  "I make you trouble, I embarrass you, I fight at school and you missed work two days for it last year, and still, you.... you don't even sent me back when I woke up this morning and peed in my pants."

She looked up at Katherine, really not understanding if she deserved the nice adopting parents that she had.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice had to fight the urge to put her thumb in her mouth. She tried not to do it anymore since she got bigger and it wasn’t something girls her age did, but she occasionally did when very stressed or upset, but only in private. She clenched her eyes shut to try to make the tears go away. 

She didn’t want to call them Aunty and Uncle but didn’t want to fight them right now. She decided to ignore that for the time being, not wanting to fight and get in trouble. 

After a bit of coaxing, Alice pointed out the sparkly sneakers she saw earlier, as well as the pretty brown leather Mary Janes for nice shoes. She didn’t know the difference between play shoes and school shoes so she didn’t pick a third. “These are more expensive.” She said once she pointed them out. “We can’t afford expensive things.” She repeated the words of her mother without thinking, the phrasing making it clear these weren’t her natural thoughts. 
 

Katherine sighed a little and knelt down to be at eye level with Samantha. “Baby I’m very sorry this is bringing up so many bad memories for you.” She started out, making sure to keep her voice gentle and even. “But sweetie, I don’t think she’s had the same experiences as you.” She suggested hesitantly. “She just recently got taken from her mommy only a week ago. Her mommy loves and cares about her, but is sick and doesn’t have a lot of money.” She felt bad sharing private information of Alice’s though she knew Alice had said most of that herself. “Maybe she has similar feelings to you, but I don’t think she’s had the same experiences. Nobody’s hurt her like you’ve been hurt.”

”I love and care about you just like if you came from my stomach.” She insisted kindly. “Daddy and I wanted kids but couldn’t make our own. We adopted you. When you came into our home we made a promise that we’d love you just like if we had made you.” She kept a smile on her face the whole time, not wanting to make Samantha feel bad. “Part of having a child is making sure they have everything they need, and also some things they want sometimes.”

[Ishigreensa]

Richard smiled and he nodded at her.  "But if... your mommy didn't have to pay for the shoes, would you be okay getting them?" he tried to push a vantage that he saw an opening to.  "Your mom would want you to have nice things, wouldn't she?  And the system that placed you with us, seemed to know that you needed this, or they would have sent us a different child, right?  So, in a way, this is your way to get things that your mommy doesn't have to worry about.  Isn't that nice?  You can help your mommy get you things that you normally can't have because I'm willing to get it for you, and you don't need any money yourself for it.  I have a budget for you, and when that budget is gone, then we can stop.  How is that?"

He hugged her and saw that she looked uncomfortable.  Samantha used to suck on her two middle fingers sometimes, and he was a little bit unsure if the little one wanted to do that or not.  He didn't want to suggest anything she might see as babyish, but he also didn't want her to get too stressed or worried because she wasn't allowed a coping mechanism.  He decided to try telling her something, just to see what her reaction would be.

"You know, my sister used to suck her thumb until she was like fourteen years old?" and though he did sort of stretch the truth because she had quit by the time she was eleven, he thought maybe the girl would start to question and then if she wanted to do it, she might ask later.  He would just leave it at that.

"So, if you are okay with it, since your mom and you do not have, in any way any reason to have to pay us back, I'd like to get you the shoes you want, and I want to get you a third pair of shoes, you know, just for wearing when you are tired of the usual pair.  In truth, that is what play shoes meant to him.  They were shoes that could be worn to school if she wanted, but they were also for going places where if shoes might get ruined, then it would be preferable to wearing those than any nice shoes she may have had.

He set her back on her feet and then nodded at the shoe shelves.

"I'll just wait here, for you to decide.  You can take the shoes you picked up and put them in the cart, or you can take them back and get the ones you really want that you normally don't get to choose to have.  I'll buy you what you are comfortable with getting."

 

Samantha looked up at her and frowned.  "But she had dirty clothes, she didn't take a bath before she came to the place, and she is scared to get nice things.  It feels exactly what happened to me."

She looked down.

"I know you wanted kids, and I know you wanted me.  It's just, there are like millions of kids out there, and I feel like I'm just so stupid, so much trouble, and so um... bad, that you deserve better kids than me."

Suddenly a dark wet patch started to appear on her clothes and started down her legs as she started to wet her pants.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice nodded intently to everything Richard was telling her. She was very logical and so everything he was saying made sense. She looked down and took it all in, trying to wrap her head around such a drastic change.

She was confused and felt her cheeks get a bit warm when he mentioned thumb sucking. Does he know? How does he know? Who could’ve told him? She thought to herself, mind racing. She didn’t think she’d sucked her thumb in front of anyone at any of the foster homes, and nobody had spoken to her mother about her as far as she knew. 
 

After some hesitation, Alice placed the sneakers in the cart and looked around some more. She opted for a pair of light pink sparkly ballet flats with a little strap, liking the sparkles and pink more than the brown leather.  Her little blue eyes lit up with joy when she saw a pair of purple and white Velcro sneakers with a small patch of rainbow and a sparkly heart on them. Even better they lit up. She reached out to grab them but then pulled her hand away, fidgeting in place as she looked at other options. “Too flashy for a big girl.” She said quietly, almost as if she was reminding herself. She always loved the cool light up shoes, but her mother always said they weren’t for big kids and only babies wore them. 

“Two is enough.” She resigned. She didn’t see a third pair she liked anywhere near as much as the light up ones, but she had to be a big girl, not a baby. 
 

Katherine shook her head gently. “Honey, Alice has been with a different family every day since leaving her mommy. She probably hasn’t had time to take a bath or get clean clothes. Alice had to do a lot of stuff by herself because her mommy is sick. She also isn’t used to having enough money to afford nice things.”

”You are not bad or stupid or trouble.” She said in a stern but soft voice. “Everyone has trouble with things in their life. Sometimes it’s when they’re kids and sometimes when they’re grown ups. We love you so much and wouldn’t trade you for anyone. I promise.”

Katherine frowned and sighed when she saw Samantha having an accident. “Sweetie, let’s go change your clothes. There’s an extra pair in my purse. You’re not in trouble and I’m not mad. We can get changed and then go look at some fun stuff.” She said kindly. “Do you want to change in the bathrooms here or out in the car, it’s your choice.”

Once Samantha had made a decision she led the girl off to get changed. 

[Ishigreensa]

Richard squatted down and he smiled at her.  He dropped the thumb sucking for now.  She didn't seem to take the bait, so maybe she thought she was too big for that.  He decided to let her get the two pair she had in mind, but when her back was turned he grabbed the sparkling shoes she had showed him, and he pretended to do something in the cart, as if it was uneven or something, and hid the box of shoes under another shoe box.  It wasn't many, but maybe he could distract her so she didn't notice what he did.  He didn't know it was because she thought it was for babies and just thought it was because of money, and somehow, reasoned to take one expensive and one cheap pair.

As he arranged it in there, he spoke to her.

"You need some clothes, baby.  Those things on you are so short, and tight, it's a wonder your body doesn't just hulk tear through them.  So, let's go start with some big girl panties, shall we?"  

He called them big girl panties, hoping to make her feel good, but he led her to panties that had cute little girl designs on them.

 

Samantha looked up at her mommy as she peed into her pants until she was done.  She shivered a little bit, almost scared she was going to hit her, but just before the flash of the belt flashed before her eyes like it often did when she got scared, she noticed how her mommy looked at her, at how her words were even and soft and how much love was in them, and it stopped the image of the strap from appearing in her mind's vision.  She ran over and hugged her mommy knowing she was not ashamed of her, and she was not as embarrassed by her as the other moms were.  She just cared, and she even let her pick to change in the car or the store bathroom.

"The car isn't too far?" she asked hopefully.  It was embarrassing to her to change in the store bathroom when she even leaked enough that daddy said she needed changed if only a bit got on her pants.  She was always afraid other people were looking at her mommy as though she may have told her she couldn't go, and then they would look at her and judge her, being a big kid, for not fighting it and just running off to go anyway.  She was almost a teenager.  In the car, it would just be her and mommy.  No one close enough to know what happened once they were in the car, and no one to really care that they were leaving the store with Samantha in wet shorts.

"I... I love you mommy," she said.

 

Richard helped the little one pick out several pair of panties, and he told her a rule to help her get something a little more her age.  "I don't want any plain panties in there," he told her.  "Plain colors are boring and not as lady like."

 

Samantha held her mommy's hand and walked to the car with her, and while they were walking, she whispered.  "They have that new poster out for the band," she said suddenly talking a little more like a kid her age despite wearing pee soaked shorts.  "Do you think I can get that poster for my door?"  She started to talk about the things her mommy tried to distract her with earlier, the decorations for her room, some toys, or whatever she might like. 

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice obediently followed Richard along. She blushed a little when he said they’d be getting her underwear. She was only eight, but she knew that underwear were supposed to be private. “I’m sorry my clothes don’t fit.” She said quietly.

She looked around at the different options for underwear. First she picked out a pack of Bluey underwear, hoping Richard wouldn’t know it was a shower for kids younger than Alice. She also picked out a pack with just some patterns like flowers and hearts and rainbows, generic colorful and girly ones. She stopped after two packs, not knowing how many she was allowed to pick out. She nodded in agreement to his rule though, not wanting to disobey.

Katherine nodded and smiled. “The car is fine sweetheart. And I love you very much too.” She walked out to the car with Samantha and let her get changed with some privacy, handing her a packet of baby wipes they kept in the car for various cleanups.

”That sounds like a great idea!” She said cheerfully, happy the girl was focusing on more positive things. She didn’t want the accident or Samantha’s past traumas to ruin the day completely. She hoped that the rest of the day would go a little more smoothly from here on out.

Once Samantha had changed, she put the wet clothes in the plastic bag and in the trunk to bring in later. Walking inside she tried to make conversation again. “Do you have any other ideas for what you want?”

[Ishigreensa]

Richard smiled and shook his head.  "Honey, it's natural to out grow your old clothes eventually.  There is nothing to be sorry about not having your clothes fit right.  Your mommy is kind of poor right now, and that is really no reflection on her, as far as I know.  Things happen, and people lose things and money.  What is important, sweetheart, is when you can, you get things you need, and right now, Little Alice can, okay?"

He smiled at her.  "How many in these packs?" he asked her as he then took them and counted himself for fear she might lie not because she was a liar, but he remembered how Samantha was when she first came.  Samantha would try to act like everything was enough, so he didn't trust a child in Alice's position to be fully honest since it might be scary to ask for more.

"Three in one pack... Six in this pack...," he smiled.  "Well, we need at least one more pack."  

Even if he did know all the kiddie shows out there, he wasn't interested in what cartoons or even if the designs were babyish.  He just wanted to know she had clothes that fit her.

When they had three packs, that he thought looked good, he took her to a changing area, and he turned her to face him to look him in the eye.  "I know this is probably a little uncomfortable, but I want you go in there, and try this one on," he gave her one from the Blue-y pack to try on.  "Then I want you come back out and show me how it fits.  I know it's going to be a little... strange... or if you rather, I can come in with you and just look while you change, but I feel like that would make you even more uncomfortable than just coming out here in the panties and showing me, right?"

He hugged her.  "The reason I want to see, honey, is you are eight years old.  You have been poor for a long time, and so I'm not sure you know how undies are supposed to fit, okay?  I know because we had to buy Samantha some when she first came to us, too."

He smiled.

"Don't worry, if these don't fit, we'll just pick up three other packs a little bigger or smaller depending on what you need, and put two of hte packs that don't fit back.  Unfortunately since we already got into this one, to make sure they fit you, we will have to buy this one regardless.  Okay?"

 

Samantha kept looking at her mommy and calling her, because as embarrassed as she was that she wet herself, she wanted to make sure mommy wasn't mad at her, and so she kept making her look her way.  She wanted privacy from the rest of the world right now, but what she really wanted, was her mommy and to know that her mommy wasn't mad at her like those other women always were.  If mommy wouldn't even look at her, then maybe mommy WAS mad, and maybe she had embarrassed her.  She hoped not.

When her mommy continued to pay attention to her while she was cleaning herself up, she smiled and continued to chat with her.

"I'm kind of wanting some panties again," her face blushed red.  "I know it's a waste of money, but I feel like throwing some of the panties out that I have.  Some of them still fit me, but... you know... it's because if I go to junior high next year, and if we change in lockers and other girls see, I don't want them to see I pee my pants sometimes."

She looked down.  

"Some of my panties are really stained.  I'm sorry."

As they started to walk back into the store, she talked about some other things.

"Can I get a Nintendo or something?  I know it's expensive, and it takes needing a television, but last year, some of my classmates talked about how fun those are.  I ... I mean, if I can't I understand.  I just... well, most of the kids my age have something like that, or something else... but I... I don't really know what good a phone is.  I already have one for emergencies."

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice nodded along when Richard talked about getting what she needed. Everything he was saying made sense and so far he’d been nothing but nice to her and hadn’t asked her to do anything so she was willing to believe him.

Alice told Richard the number of underwear in each pack before he counted to confirm. The last pack she selected were some different colored ones with either polka dots or stripes depending on the pair.

Alice frowned when she was brought to the fitting rooms. She should have seen this coming. No wonder why Richard was getting her so many nice things. She made the connection in her head that trying on the underwear for him was what she had to do to get all the nice stuff.

She obediently went into the fitting room and fumbled with her overalls. Once they were down, she pulled off her old underwear, dingy and full of holes with the same slightly dirty smell her clothes from earlier had. She pulled on the new pair and walked out to Richard, avoiding looking at him as she stood there, the panties a size too big for her slender and malnourished frame. Standing in just her shirt and panties made it even more obvious how small the girl was. She stayed still and quiet once approaching Richard, not wanting to do the wrong thing.

Katherine glanced in occasionally on Samantha while she changed. She wanted to let her know she was still there and not mad, but didn’t want to stare at her the whole time either.

“We can definitely get you some new underwear, why don’t we go check some out.” She said cheerfully as they walked. She made an effort to never shame Samantha for her accidents, always keeping things neutral.

She frowned a bit at the mention of a game console. “Well, that’s not really an option today.” She said calmly. “They’re a little expensive and that’s a big purchase for today.” She continued, not wanting to upset her daughter.

”I’ll tell you what. I’ll look into it and see if we can get it for you for Christmas or something. Until then, why don’t we get your underwear and poster and some other small things.” She ended cheerfully.
 

She felt bad saying no, but $200 for a single item was a big spend at the moment. Internally Katherine was making a mental note to see if they couldn’t manage it for the girl’s birthday coming up. She didn’t want to get Samantha’s hopes up, but she knew Samantha rarely asked for anything. 

[Ishigreensa]

Richard frowned when he saw just how badly those panties hung off her.  He shook his head and whispered to the baby girl as he took her by the hand because he had never been this far off before, and he found a lady that worked in the department.

"Those things barely fit her," he told the lady, and honestly, I thought they would fit a lot better than they do.  Um... this is embarrassing for both the little one and me, but she is a new foster kid I'm taking in, and I don't want to put her through this a bunch more times.  Can you tell me about how many sizes I'm off by looking, or are we going to have to test four or five sizes on her?"

He really didn't want to put the poor child through more stress than she already had.  "Her clothes she had on are still in the changing area." he remembered to inform her incase they needed to get them so someone else could use the room while they were getting her other things.

He picked her up gently, and whispered.  "I'm so sorry.  I thought for sure those would fit better than they did, but I'm really lost as to your size, sweetheart."

 

Samantha knew that her new parents rarely told her no if they could afford it or had the ability to get things for her, so she shrugged it off as if it wasn't a big deal, but honestly, she almost felt like she was missing something big.  Still, she didn't want to let on that she was being ungrateful, so she tried to be cool about it.

"It's okay, mommy.  It's whatever.  Just a toy, right?" she tried to say.  

"You ungrateful little brat!" she heard in her mind.  "You can't be happy with a yo-yo when plenty of kids your age...," at that time she was around six.  "...would feel like they had a million bucks if they got one?"  AT the same time, in this family, they had just gotten one kid a board game and another kid a nice princess doll.  But she wasn't their real kid.  It was selfish, ungrateful, and just a troublemaker to not think a yo-yo was the best thing in the world since it was given to her!

Samantha shook her head.  That's not what was going on this time!  Both mommy and daddy had gotten her plenty of things, and her room was full of toys, many of which she had even whined about wanting.  She shook her head again and again trying to get the bad images out of her head.

"You don't get the same things that Robert gets," she heard another voice.

She shook her head again.  "NO!" she screamed in the real world, alerting her mommy that something was wrong with her again.

Samantha looked a little scared when she heard herself scream no, and her lips quivered like she was afraid she had overdone it this time, and she was really going to be slapped.  Mommy had been really patient with her.  She didn't yell at her for even peeing her pants, though it was like six months ago since she last did so in public.  Her mommy helped her in the car, and she was going to get her clean panties so she wouldn't be embarrassed at school.  She had to be grateful, and now...? She just screamed "No" for no reason, and embarrassed her mommy again, like a three year old or something!

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice felt tears sting in her eyes as she was led by the hand out into the rest of the store. Richard seeing her in her panties was one thing, but random people walking by was much worse!

An older woman probably a mother or grandmother herself was caught off guard by Richard but tried not to show it. She knelt down and smiled softly at Alice, quickly sizing her up without staring. “She probably just needs one size smaller. They’re not too bad.” She said before returning to her stocking.

Alice flinched a bit when she was picked up. She wasn’t sure how to respond to this at the moment. Her stomach hurt and she felt scared and her hands felt sweaty. She didn’t have the words to describe that she was uncomfortable.

Katherine frowned and shook her head. “Honey it’s not whatever. I promise you that we will try our hardest to get you one but it’s a big item so it might take some time.” She tried to reassure Samantha.

Katherine was caught off guard when her daughter yelled out loud. “Hey hey sweetie. What’s wrong? What’s going on?” She asked worriedly. “Do you feel okay?” She asked, unsure what could be causing this sudden shift in behavior.

She pulled the girl into a hug and tried to soothe and reassure her, even if she didn’t know what the problem was. 

[Ishigreensa]

Richard sighed because it looked worse than it was, and he really had not expected this.  Maybe it was because the child was so close to skin and bones, and for the first time, he actually saw what her legs and pelvis was like.  He had tears in his eyes as he quickly brought her back to the changing room.  Sitting her down, he put a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, baby.  I panicked.  You need to eat a lot more than you've getting."

He hugged her again,and he whispered.  "I'm so sorry to put you through that discomfort.  I'm not doing that again.  We'll just believe the nice lady and get you one size smaller, and if they don't fit, we can always come back, okay?"

He took her into her dressing room and started to help her dress leaving the clean panties on her.  He didn't want to take them off her now she had something on.  They might be too big, but better than too small, and he was sure those on the floor were.

He took her to get her some more panties that were a size larger, and then he got out and into the undershirts area, but before he went to pick any out, he asked for someone to help this time.  Someone that might help them get a size that would be closer, so that he knew for sure that it might only be one size off.

He kept holding her though, and trying to baby her.  She seemed so worried when he was trying to find a way to stop from having to have her go through the indignity of trying things on that embarrassed her.

Eventually, when they had her size estimate, he took her to pick out some undershirts.

"I am sorry," he emphasized to her.  "I should not have panicked.  I won't make you try the undershirts on this time.  What we can do, is get you one size the estimate and one size smaller, and see if that works out.  Is that okay?"

 

"I... I sometimes... I remember stuff," Samantha looked down.  "I don't mean like... well, that you know it happened, but like... I see their faces," she started to cry.  "That's... that's... I know it's not a good reason.  I know I shouldn't yell at you and embarrass you and ...," she as shaking badly, and tears were falling.  She lost track of what she was saying and couldn't think.

"You are a worthless kid that will end up in prison by the time you...," she shook really hard, and reached out for a hug trying to push the image in her head away.  The woman in the image was a fat heavyset slob that often used a coat hanger on her for being heard at the wrong time.  She tried to block it out, but closing her eyes only brought the image more clearly in to her head.  She started to cry again, this time the sobbing could be heard.

"I was bad.  You shouldn't get me a toy for being bad," she was crying, so saying that had actually took over a minute to say through her sobs.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice was doing her absolute best not to cry. She went to a place in her mind where she wasn’t really there even if her body was. In her mind she was somewhere else so she didn’t have to deal with the thoughts and feelings of being jostled around and dressed.

She came back to herself more when she was fully dressed, but still didn’t like being carried the whole time. She obediently picked out some basic undershirts in a few various colors, mostly white. She wasn’t trying to pick the cheapest option, she just liked the ones she always got. They had a tiny pink bow on the front and she wanted the familiarity rather than new expensive ones.

Alice didn’t respond much to Richard, still upset and uncomfortable after being paraded around in her underwear. 
 

Katherine held Samantha tight as she cried, rubbing her back and trying to comfort her. “It’s okay baby, you’re safe now. I promise you’re safe.”

“You weren’t bad. Sometimes scary things come back and surprise us.” She explained gently.

“Do you want to go sit outside for a while or shop around more? Either one is okay I just want you to feel better.”

[Ishigreensa]

"Can... can I just get some new panties later before school starts?" she asked her mommy holding her.  I'm so sorry.  I just... I feel scared right now.  I don't want to go in and embarrass you more."

She looked up at her mommy.

Richard sighed and he put his little princess in the cart for a moment so he knew where she was, and he called to see if he could see where she was.

Once Katherine picked up, he went into how he made a mistake, and he felt like the little one lost interest in shopping, but she still needed more clothes.  

"Maybe if you can come in and check her sizes, I have her undershirts and panties, maybe you can just get her clothes while I try to take her to find some toys, maybe.  Maybe get Samantha to help you with picking out clothes.  She's not much older, so if nothing else, she can get her things that won't get her looked at funny when she starts school?"

Samantha was feeling really helpless and like she really didn't deserve how patient mommy was with her.

[Shy-Diapers]

“Of course.” Katherine said with a smile. “We can go sit outside or in the car while we wait for Daddy and Alice if you’d like.” She suggested. 

Katherine frowned and sighed when her husband called. “I’m helping Samantha right now so I really can’t.” She explained. She didn’t want to embarrass her daughter but couldn’t just keep her in the store when she was clearly distressed. 

“Can’t you keep shopping for her?” She suggested with a sigh. “Or maybe we can try again closer to home? Samantha needs a break from being in here for a while.”

Alice frowned and fidgeted in the cart. She wasn’t too happy about being contained again. She had gotten mostly better by now and wasn’t happy that Richard was changing things on her.

Alice was still willing to shop, she was just embarrassed and upset after being seen and then paraded around to others in her underwear. 

[Ishigreensa]

Richard sighed and looked over at little Alice to see how she was doing.  She did need some more clothes, so he hoped she would at least let him get her some other things, but now, they had her sizes, he figured she wouldn't need anymore dressing room time.

"I'll see if she'll let me get a few things, and then some toys," he said into the phone.  "What happened to Sammy?  You are getting her some stuff, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry, mommy, that I made things hard for you again.  I don't really know what is wrong with me today."

 

Richard hung up, and he smiled at Alice.

"I'll let you back out, sweetheart.  I just didn't want to lose you, and I wasn't sure what to do.  But... well, if I let you walk again, are you okay looking around some more.  We won't have to take off your clothes anymore.  I think we know what sizes to buy you now, and I would like to get you some stuff to play with at our place, if that's okay with you."

He wondered if he told her that those toys were hers, for keeps, at the moment, well, he wasn't sure what to think.  So if he told her it was stuff she was allowed to play with for now, and then gave them to her later, then maybe she would accept it.

"I'm really sorry I scared, you, okay?" he asked her.

[Shy-Diapers]

“I’ll explain later. Let me know if you do end up needing us to help.” Katherine said on the phone. She didn’t want to embarrass Samantha and tell Richard she’d had an accident and was struggling, well at least not on the phone in front of her.

After hanging up she turned to Samantha and shook her head. “Honey you did nothing wrong. You’re having a hard day and that’s okay, I promise.” She reassured her gently.

“Now, do you still want to go take a break outside or do you want to shop around a bit, we can also go help Dad and Alice if you’d like.” She wanted to give her daughter as much control over the situation as possible, even if she had her own ideas of what was the best option in her mind.

Alice nodded. She didn’t really know how to respond to Richard at this point, especially since she was still a bit overwhelmed. “You don’t gotta get me clothes.” She said after a moment. Richard seemed pretty insistent, but it was worth a shot to tell him.

“You mean toys?” She asked curiously, the slightest twinge of joy audible in her voice. Shortly after though her face fell again, looking down. “I’m too big for toys.” She said sadly, remembering what her mother had told her.

”I wasn’t scared!” She lied, doing her best to sound confident and strong, though it didn’t work all the way. She didn’t want Richard thinking she was a baby who was always scared. Even if she was scared a lot of the time, she didn’t want anyone to know that. 

[Ishigreensa]

Richard could tell that Katherine didn't want to say something, but he didn't want to push it.  She had her reasons, and she'd probably tell him later.  He looked over at Alice, and then he shuddered.  He remembered what it was like when they first got Samantha.  She had come a long way in the two years they had had her, but she still had episodes sometimes, where she'd still get scared and call herself names because she thought she had done something.  He sighed.  He figured she must have gotten clumsy, probably knocked something off the shelf and was scared she'd embarrassed her mommy.  He hoped that was all it was, because there were times, though those episodes were a lot fewer now, when she'd get a look like she forgot where she was, and she was absolutely terrified of Katherine.

Turning his attention to the little one at his side, he spoke to her as he reached for her.

"I'll tell you what, sweetheart, I do want to get you some toys. If you are too old for them, then what we'll do, is, we'll leave them in your room, and you can take them to the living room only if you are comfortable, otherwise, you can always play privately in your bedroom.  I will know, and Aunt Kathy will know, or Ms. K, or whatever you want to call her, but we don't need to talk about you playing with them to anyone that isn't living in our house, okay?"

He lifted her out of the cart.

"We'll get you some toys first, so you can calm down, and if you want, you can carry one or two of them when we get back to getting you clothes.  You still need some clothes, sweetheart, and have to or not, I want to make sure you have clothes.  I won't make you take your clothes off her at all anymore, but I will ask you if I'm not sure of your size, but baby?  You can say you don't want to.  Okay?"

He put her on her feet and bent down and hugged her.

"And we are getting you something to eat before we leave the city," he told like he wasn't going to take no or an argument about that.

 

Samantha looked up at mommy, and she was a little calmer.  She hugged her mommy and she whispered up at her.  "But everyone saw me pee my pants, mommy.  Aren't you too embarrassed to be seen with me back in the store?"  Her eyes glittered in the dimming light.  "I... I want to get some stuff, and maybe see Alice again, but I don't want to embarrass you, mommy."

She looked down at her newly changed pants.

"I promise to try really hard to remember to tell you next time.  I'm sorry I forgot to tell you when I had to."

She came to the front of the car, climbing over the seats like a nine year old instead of acting her sophisticated age of eleven going on twelve years of age.

"I... I want... I want some undies, and daddy said I could get a toy, right?  Just not something that costs like 200 bucks cause that's too much for this trip?  Right?" 

She had hopeful eyes.

 

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice looked down at her lap when she saw Richard shudder. She wondered what she’d done wrong to make him react that way.

When he picked her up out of the cart she didn’t protest, even though she didn’t like walking around the store with no shoes on. She nodded along when he talked about getting her toys. Being eight years old, she still wanted to be a kid and play with toys as most other kids her age did, she had just been raised to think she was too old. “Will Mommy find out?” She asked hesitantly as they approached the toy section, fidgeting with he hem of her overalls nervously. She was a little overwhelmed by the numerous choices of toys, her eyes wide and curious, scanning everything she saw, especially the stuffed animals.

Alice nodded when Richard insisted on getting her clothes. Truth be told she loved the idea of having clothes that fit her and wouldn’t be too tight. She had no idea when the last time she’s gone shopping for clothes was, especially brand new ones.

Katherine nodded and smiled. “It’s fine honey. I don’t think anyone noticed. Even if they did, most people are too preoccupied to care or remember. Even so, I’m not embarrassed to go back in with you. Things happen sometimes.”

”Of course you can.” She said happily. “We can’t get you the game console today no, but you can get some other stuff.” She repeated kindly. “We’ll get you some new underwear and some other fun things.”

While they headed back into the store and to the underwear aisle for girls around Samantha’s age and size she turned to her daughter. “Pick some out that you like, and then we can look for fun stuff. Did you still want that poster?”

[Ishigreensa]

Richard smiled at his little one, and he squatted down next to her as she asked him about mommy finding out.

"I'll tell you what," he told her.  "I'll let you decide if your mommy finds out.  I'll talked to Aunt Kathy or Ms. K, and make sure that you are the one that brings it up, if you want to tell her, okay?  But baby, did you know that Samantha plays with toys?  She's two years older than you, and she still plays with toys.  It's natural, sweetheart."

He didn't understand why she was worried about her mom finding out, or why she kept saying she was too old for toys.  Maybe they needed to talk to the social worker and see if there was some kind of psychological damage going on there, and if there was a way to break whatever cycle this poor little girl's mom was going through.  Sure, they were there for her first, but being there for her first, meant that they had to make it okay for her when or if she actually goes back to her mom.  

"We'll get you toys, and you can most definitely play with them wherever you feel the most comfortable playing, and the only people that need to know you have them are you, your foster family meaning Miss K, Samantha, and me, and anyone else you want to know, okay?"

He took her by the hand.  "Now, I know this is probably overwhelming, so I'm going to set a limit to make it easier, and just take you where we can get stuff within my budget so you aren't tempted by things that I couldn't get right now.  How is that?"

He started to lead her down the younger girls' aisle, the one for kids four to six, first, where they had assorted dolls, play sets for pretend cooking and cleaning, and things like "Bright Lite" or whatnot.  Of course, there were a lot of stuffed animals in this section, one thing that in his opinion girls never needed to outgrow.  They might change over the years how they play with them or what they do with them, sometimes, where they become just decoration, but a girl is never too old for a stuffed animal or a hundred!

"Sweetheart," he patted her back.  "Remember, if you need to go potty, tell me.  I know it's scary, but I don't want to lose you, so I'll have to take you, but better than wearing wet pants all over the store, okay?"

 

Samantha perked up when Katherine told her that she could pick out her panties, and then when she asked her if she still wanted the poster she really liked.  She had behaved like a baby, and she was afraid she had lost the right to sort of try to "mature up" her room now that she was starting seventh grade the next year, and would be going to a school for "bigger kids."

She walked over to an area that had even more mature undies, but she glanced back at the immature designs too.  She felt torn inside.  She wanted to be a big girl, and she didn't want to be caught by her peers acting like a... well, an elementary school baby, but at the same time, those undies were really cute, and she did sort of want some.  Maybe?  She stopped and looked down, not really sure which way to turn.

[Shy-Diapers]

Alice nodded, getting a slight glimpse of a smile on her face as Richard reassured her. She felt better about shopping for toys knowing that her mother wouldn’t find out she was getting them or that she was playing. “It’ll be our secret.” She said sweetly with a nod.

She looked around wide-eyed at all the toys in front of her, trying desperately to contain her excitement, though she was still bouncing slightly on her heels. She hesitantly reached her hand up to grab a purple stuffed dinosaur, holding it to her chest with a faint smile.

After standing for a while and looking at everything Alice looked up at Richard. “Can I get more than one toy?” She asked curiously. She had no concept of what a normal amount of toys for a girl her age was. Of course there were other toys she saw that excited her. She loved the cool colors and concepts of the Lite Bright and Magna Tiles, but she also was drawn to more crafty things like coloring books and kits with beads and string to make bracelets. The little gears in her head were turning and maybe if even just for a moment, she looked like a normal eight year old girl.

Katherine could see her daughter’s hesitancy when looking at the underwear. “Honey, if you’re feeling stuck why don’t you get a few different kinds?” She suggested after a moment. “I don’t want you getting anything too mature now, but you don’t have to get childish ones if you don’t want to.”

She paused for a while to try to think about how to get her daughter to feel better about her decisions and experiences. “You know, it’s kind of silly but sometimes when I know I’m going to the doctor and I’m going to have to put a gown on or the doctor might see my underwear, I put on my nicer and newer panties.” She related with a smile to Samantha. “And sometimes if I’m feeling tired or having a hard few days and nobody is going to see, I wear my older panties that are more comfy. It’s okay to have different kinds and different looks for different situations.”