hi, I'm Chubs, and I need help opening up

[Demon-hunter]

and i need a hug....

with all the stress ive been going thro i have a hard time opening up, cause humanity say that i need to man up and bottle your feelings 

and i dont know where to start...

[feralfreak]

well, first, you disregard that bullshit and say what is on your mind, sometimes we all need to vent, this world has a lot of pressures, more if you are on the spectrum like me, so what is on your mind?

[feralfreak]

what is giving you stress?

[Demon-hunter]

@Dee Cee well for starters i love being an abdl , but my wife now hates it and wants me to move on from it and matbe is some therapy for it which i disagree with.

when we was dating i told her before we've started dating and she actually was ok with it, but once we've go engaged is when she started changing her mind, grant it we've been going through alot. her dad died the morning after i proposed to her. we had a few wedding plans issues, one of my first ex abdl friend outed me out to pastor and he would not marry us until i got therapy for my porn addiction and abdl life (agree with the porn but not the abdl) and she tried to stand up for me but then started siding with them, but has always has been bouncing back and forth on supporting my abdl life or not. 

sorry, i have to pause my brain is over loaded

and Yes im in the Spectrum a bit it got ADHD and untreated, and i dont want to be treated i believe its a gift.   

[feralfreak]

17 hours ago, Demon-hunter said:

@Dee Cee well for starters i love being an abdl , but my wife now hates it and wants me to move on from it and matbe is some therapy for it which i disagree with.

when we was dating i told her before we've started dating and she actually was ok with it, but once we've go engaged is when she started changing her mind, grant it we've been going through alot. her dad died the morning after i proposed to her. we had a few wedding plans issues, one of my first ex abdl friend outed me out to pastor and he would not marry us until i got therapy for my porn addiction and abdl life (agree with the porn but not the abdl) and she tried to stand up for me but then started siding with them, but has always has been bouncing back and forth on supporting my abdl life or not. 

sorry, i have to pause my brain is over loaded

and Yes im in the Spectrum a bit it got ADHD and untreated, and i dont want to be treated i believe its a gift.   

being autistic can be damn stressful, the things that the neurotypical brained people find to be a minor annoyance can be amplified for us, so its likely that your abdl thing is a matter or stress relief, God knows we need it, chances are your wife hasnt thought of that, your pastor sounds a bit judgemental to me, perhaps you should remind him of matthew 7:1, judge not lest you be judged....., i think it would be a good idea for you and the wife both to get marriage therapy, so there is someone to help both sides see what is going from another perspective, she needs to see it from your eyes, and you need to see it from hers, and find a balance, such as a night a week when you can be in an abdl mindset, and you can do for her that gives her the same pleasure as age play.

[Demon-hunter]

14 hours ago, feralfreak said:

being autistic can be damn stressful, the things that the neurotypical brained people find to be a minor annoyance can be amplified for us, so its likely that your abdl thing is a matter or stress relief, God knows we need it, chances are your wife hasnt thought of that, your pastor sounds a bit judgemental to me, perhaps you should remind him of matthew 7:1, judge not lest you be judged....., i think it would be a good idea for you and the wife both to get marriage therapy, so there is someone to help both sides see what is going from another perspective, she needs to see it from your eyes, and you need to see it from hers, and find a balance, such as a night a week when you can be in an abdl mindset, and you can do for her that gives her the same pleasure as age play.

im debating on that. but she well only to a therapist that is a Christian (which im fine)and only supports vanilla sex and doesn't support fetishes and kinks.

plus when it comes to sex though, she's not very into it that much she had a very low libido and a very low sex drive.

so flash back to the part where she lost her father days after I proposed to her.  She has ended up developing a thyroid disease called hypothyroidism (that means that the thyroid is underperforming on developing hormones to the body) and it did not fully developed until 8 months and by that time we were 1 months into our marriage, and during that 8 months  we are experiencing a lot of roller coaster not with each other completely but outside of our relationship. Such as  2017 develop H1 N1 and I was in a coma of pretty much of the whole February and barely survived, then my first ex abdl friend ( who I met in early 2016, and in August of 2016 his father found his abdl stuff and also his father was a pastor of their Church, so my friend was forced into intense therapy and basically was kind of brainwashed)  send an email to my pastor announcing my abdl stuff to him tell him that we should not be married, granted the way of me and my wife responded to it was not good but the.  And then her grandmother was having a heart attack and almost died month before we got married.  on top of all of this we were down with wedding problems, friend problems, work problems, unknowing health problems, money problems, and so on so forth. All in an 7 to 8 month span.  And when we got married is when she was okay on my abdl stuff and there was a time during our engagement like a few weeks after I was out it out for my ex abdl friend she  why is not supportive at all and wanted me to give it up but I was trying to do anything I can to compromise but then she gave me an ultimatum, but I begged her not to leave me.  But early in a year in Valentine that she gave me a big abdl care package basically of nothing but Paw Patrol stuff,  and baby food and everything, with a love note that was that was  written from her as my mama. So if anything she has a Binge and Purge cycle as a spouse of an ABDL,  because they're in that whole engagement span which was 7 months or so she has rejected  my abdl side three times and she supported it three times.

 

Sorry if this is all random disorganized information about my engagement but I use voice to text I had to brain dump every single thing I have my head

 

[Demon-hunter]

Now I it sounds like my wife is very abusive a narcissistic but she's really not mean and her and i do have great times and everything and me and her always have a blast with each other and I really can't live without her feels like some days, but it's just I wish she would just at least the minimum of letting me do my abdl stuff  and she does not need to be involved with it. we are both lost 

[feralfreak]

i understand her wanting a christian therapist, but it doesnt have to be one of the church, just a therapist that is also a christian, and you can throw a dart at therapist names and likely hit one that is christian, so that shouldnt be a problem, that pastor seems very judgemental, a fetish isnt in itself bad, while ive never been married or even in a relationship its my understanding that if done in moderation it can add to a couples relationship, just dont worship it, dont worship abdl(and i dont think you do) and there shouldnt be a problem, i have to wonder if the thyroid problem affected your wifes sex drive, although i wont ask because its not my business. are you trying to do abdl stuff every day? that might be a problem, all things should be in moderation, and i figure you already know that nothing comes before worship of God. it sounds like there is a lot there, i wonder if she has some kind of trauma that might be getting triggered, but that is for a therapist to help with.

[Demon-hunter]

Hypothyroidism and PCOS does affect her sex drive, and the other side effects are not good aswell

[Demon-hunter]

Other then the abdl stuff, I'm stressed out with finance ( it been an uphill battle for us for years ) and idk what I want to do with my life career wise. I'm going to be 30 in 6 months and I'm just annoyed 

[Demon-hunter]

Lol agree. 

[Demon-hunter]

sorry if this becomes more of a brain drain post. This is the only place where I can vent without worries.

The whole 2020 really effected me, long story short, I'm a white, straight, conservative, Trump supporting, male. And I felt so lonely in 2020 and 2021. I felt like everyone in this world hated me for who I am and what I believe. So I've been dealing with stress, anxiety, and overwhelming emotions cause of it.

Cause according to society I'm the bad guy, my feeling doesn't matter, and If what's the point of speaking out, I'll be told to shut up cause my "privileges" are showing, and everyone else gets a free pass.

Here a quote for Shrek 2002 

" Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre! They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone."  - Shrek 

[feralfreak]

9 hours ago, Demon-hunter said:

sorry if this becomes more of a brain drain post. This is the only place where I can vent without worries.

The whole 2020 really effected me, long story short, I'm a white, straight, conservative, Trump supporting, male. And I felt so lonely in 2020 and 2021. I felt like everyone in this world hated me for who I am and what I believe. So I've been dealing with stress, anxiety, and overwhelming emotions cause of it.

Cause according to society I'm the bad guy, my feeling doesn't matter, and If what's the point of speaking out, I'll be told to shut up cause my "privileges" are showing, and everyone else gets a free pass.

Here a quote for Shrek 2002 

" Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre! They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone."  - Shrek 

im a white and straight, conservative dude too, i wanted trump to win and still believe that the election was stolen, hell people even admitted they tossed ballots, i know how you feel. sometimes you just want to tell those who scream "your privilage is showing" to just shut their damn mouth, and shove a really nasty sock in it,,,, and stitch it shut..

[Demon-hunter]

2 hours ago, feralfreak said:

im a white and straight, conservative dude too, i wanted trump to win and still believe that the election was stolen, hell people even admitted they tossed ballots, i know how you feel. sometimes you just want to tell those who scream "your privilage is showing" to just shut their damn mouth, and shove a really nasty sock in it,,,, and stitch it shut..

i know but i  have a gut feeling the rigged 2020 election will come to light soon, for two reasons.

1. Trump and his supports %200 convinced that the Election was rigged

2. Biden is dipstick of a man, he is losing supports left and right, people who actually voted for him  are having buyers remorse wishing they had voted for trump, and more and more people are questioning the legitimate of the election cause of Biden's poor performance, and his mental health    

[Demon-hunter]

My wife asked my if I was happy with our marriage last night, and I said yes... but not really tho, I want my abdl stuff back and there's other things that needs changed. But I so terrified on opening up my feelings with her. And I just shutdown

[Demon-hunter]

1 hour ago, Demon-hunter said:

My wife asked my if I was happy with our marriage last night, and I said yes... but not really tho, I want my abdl stuff back and there's other things that needs changed. But I so terrified on opening up my feelings with her. And I just shutdown

I don't know what to do, I want to say something, but I'm scared and I know the results won't be great tho

[feralfreak]

14 hours ago, Demon-hunter said:

I don't know what to do, I want to say something, but I'm scared and I know the results won't be great tho

for us autistics its hard to say what we want or need to, but i think a good place to start is is, to sit down next to her and say "i think we need to talk, about your question, well, i dont want to say im not happy, but there are things that im not happy about," and go from there, you said her sex drive isnt really functioning, i cant advise you how to deal with that, but on the diaper thing, if she isnt up for sex, perhaps it could be an opportunity to get things where its ok to have the abdl stuff in place of sex, just be willing to make a concession for her, whatever that is, it could be limiting diapers in the bedroom to one night a week, or keeping your abdl stuff in one place, or no baby talk unless she initiates it, or something entirely non abdl related, but if you are not happy you need to communicate it, and ask the Lord to help you in this, ask the Holy Spirit for help if you dont know the words to say in prayer.

[Demon-hunter]

5 hours ago, feralfreak said:

for us autistics its hard to say what we want or need to, but i think a good place to start is is, to sit down next to her and say "i think we need to talk, about your question, well, i dont want to say im not happy, but there are things that im not happy about," and go from there, you said her sex drive isnt really functioning, i cant advise you how to deal with that, but on the diaper thing, if she isnt up for sex, perhaps it could be an opportunity to get things where its ok to have the abdl stuff in place of sex, just be willing to make a concession for her, whatever that is, it could be limiting diapers in the bedroom to one night a week, or keeping your abdl stuff in one place, or no baby talk unless she initiates it, or something entirely non abdl related, but if you are not happy you need to communicate it, and ask the Lord to help you in this, ask the Holy Spirit for help if you dont know the words to say in prayer.

See everyone tells me to"rip off the bandaid" and talk to her, but I've ripped it off so so much it gives me some what ptsd.

[feralfreak]

1 hour ago, Demon-hunter said:

See everyone tells me to"rip off the bandaid" and talk to her, but I've ripped it off so so much it gives me some what ptsd.

then dont just rip the bandaid off, but keep in mind that the more a problem is hidden, the worse it can get, its like a wound that needs some air, the things that make you unhappy need to be discussed in an open way, and not with that preacher or whatever he is that wants to tell you that you cant enjoy a diaper, you know not to let abdl things be your god, not to worship them, and God may have given that interest to you to help you cope with things, she needs to understand that, she doesnt have to nurse you and such, just for starters listen with an open mind, and the 3 of you can go from there(you, her, and most importantly, the Man upstairs)

[feralfreak]

i had a thought of something that might help, i dont know about you, but confrontation can inhibit my ability to say what i need to say, verbally, perhaps it might help you to put all you have to say in writing for her to read.

[Demon-hunter]

well im back on this post of mine feeling even more alone due to society, and the post US midterms 2022, and im pretty pissed (sorry my French) off for the poor performance of the GOP. party. even though Ron Desantis won by a land slide, more then 80% of candidates that Trump endorsed won (even though the crooks in the GOP blames him which is BS). and we have won and gained alot more grounds from school boards and majors to Senates and most likely turned over Congress. But still, i cant shake the feeling that the GOP should had won by a landslide, like I'm getting PTSD from the 2020 election believing that it was rigged (which i still do, but you can never confirm it or deny it) and now I'm full of anger and depression, because i love this country so much that it kills me to see where its heading and i feel like in the only one that gives a crap. i can go on and on but im too drained to type anymore 

 

 

[feralfreak]

you cant let events you cant control dictate how you live your life, or how you feel, i think the republicans should have won by a landslide too, and in the news there was an example of ballots being thrown out, im assuming you voted, if you did then you did your part, letting events outside your control wear you down can only hurt you, God dont want that, he has everything in hand, and we may not know what his immediate plans are, we might not understand them, but we can keep our eyes to Him, and trust Him, im reminded of the words "Lord give me the strength to change the things i can, help me with the things i cant, and give me the wisdom to know the difference" ok i didnt get it word for word, i dont know it word for word but i think its made clear what i am getting at. in the words of the late pastor arnold murray of shepherds chapel, "drop your pack and take 5"

[Demon-hunter]

I know, it's just tough. I positive side we gained to house pretty much 

[Demon-hunter]

Hey guys I'm back, I've been wanting to come back here and try to dump more of my brain out and also give more like backstory but it's so hard to think in words to put from my brain to my keyboard.

It's funny my back story is with my ABDL life, with my relationship, and everything else sounds like something made up for a soap opera but it's not unfortunately