Doing Business [Part 100, 101, and Epilogue posted on 8/26/2024][It's over!]

[kirababy]

Just caught up on the last couple of chapters, and was quite amused at several turn of events, and some of the lines.   Poor Clark is so conflicted, and I think the potty training is going to be worse for him than wearing diapers.

[quietlyhumiliated]

Somewhere along the way, I missed a week or three of posting, so here's another double-shot of story in an effort to catch up to where I think we should be now. Enjoy!

Eighty

“And where are you all going?” Mommy asked.

“It’s a place that serves ramen downtown,” I replied. “I don’t remember the name. I guess that’s what Ava wanted.”

“Ramen,” Mommy pondered aloud, stroking her chin. “Seems like a tricky date meal, doesn’t it? Lots of opportunities to make a mess of yourself. Do you want to bring a bib with you?”

“I don’t think that…”

She laughed to herself and shook her head–a common signal that she was just teasing. “It’s probably better that you make a mess of your shirt than a mess of your diaper.”

“Uh, yeah,” I muttered. “I guess that’s why I’m, uhm, here…”

Here was Ms. Potty, my new purple potty chair that Mommy got for me as part of her effort in ‘potty training’ me. It was currently sitting on the floor in the living room–and I was sitting on top of it. Truthfully, between the potty chair, the new potty chart that hung on the wall of the nursery, and her frequent requests that I stop what I’m doing and sit on said chair, it was clear that most of this was just for Mommy’s amusement. While I had become rather dependent on diapers over the last few months, I never truly lost the ability to get myself to the toilet–it was just a skill that needed a little polishing.

I pushed again, hoping to convince my body to give up something into the potty. I got another trickle of pee, adding to the little puddle I made when I first sat down.

“Empty?” she asked, standing by my side and looking down at me on my tiny little throne.

“As empty as I can be for now, I guess.”

I had asked Mommy if she thought I could go out without a diaper on. Personally, she had no objections to the idea–though she was concerned that I was being a bit hasty on the jump to ‘big-boy’ underpants. For a few minutes, I was feeling bold enough to just take a chance and leave the diapers at home. Ultimately, when I really thought about it, I decided that it’d be worse to be spotted soaking my underwear and pants while out in public than it would be to just wear a diaper and be a little more sure of myself.

And so, I would be wearing a diaper out on the double-date. That, in itself, wasn’t a big deal, I supposed. Ava knew I wore diapers. Paige knew I wore diapers. Caleb was the only one who didn’t–unless Ava told him, though I doubted she would’ve. And if there was one thing I wished to achieve tonight–aside from the unlikely goal of wooing Ava into my arms–it was to not let Caleb see me as a baby.

I stood up from Ms. Potty, and Mommy came prepared with a baby wipe, giving my undercarriage a quick clean before depositing the wipe into the chair’s bowl. “I got you something. For tonight.”

“R-really?” I was interested, but I was also nervous. Knowing Mommy, it was likely going to be something ridiculous and humiliating. I imagined a t-shirt that read: Ask me if I need a diaper change. 

Instead, she reached into a bag on the coffee table and handed me a…diaper?

“Oh,” I said, feeling my lips frowning. “Another diaper?”

She shook her head and laughed. “No, silly. It’s not just a diaper. Feel it. Do you notice anything different about it?”

Now that she mentioned it… It seemed lighter. It seemed to have a cloth backing to it, instead of the more rigid plastic that I was used to. It seemed considerably less bulky overall.

“What is this?”

“Training pants,” she said. “Pull-ups.” She proceeded to sing the song–the one from the commercials I used to see on TV when I was an actual young boy: “I’m a big kid now!”

“Y-you think I’m ready for these?” I asked. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe that was the case–I just didn’t believe that Mommy was on the same page.

She shrugged. “I don’t know if you’re ready or not. But, I figure that they’re still diapers and they’ll at least help keep your pants dry if you have an accident. So…let’s try them out. Let’s see what happens.”

It felt like a promotion. A step in the right direction. My face lit up and a sudden surge of good vibes coursed through my body so quickly that I almost felt a little woozy. Instead of tumbling over, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her tightly. 

“Wow. You’re that happy about pull-ups?”

“Maybe.” Yes and no, but we didn’t have enough time to fully explain. Yes, it was a ‘thank you’ for the pull-ups, but it was just as much a ‘thank you’ for everything. A ‘thank you’ for continuing to create a space where I could feel humiliated on a potty chair one moment, while excited to leave the house and see my friends the next. 

“Alright, happy-baby. Let’s step into these bad boys, hmm? Let’s see how they look.”

Just the motions required to put them on felt so different. Mommy didn’t have to put these on me–I could put them on myself. Like underwear. The last time I could remember going through these motions was when I met my mother for brunch–and I was never going to forget how that ended. This was good though. These wouldn’t–knock on wood–allow for an accident like that to happen again.

“That’s it,” she nodded, watching as I stepped into them one foot at a time. “Now go on and just pull them right up.”

They were thinner. Lighter. They had more give to them. I felt another wave of excitement wash over me as I got them past my knees and pulled them up my thighs. 

Shit. I’m probably getting excited about these for the same exact reasons that little kids do when they’re given their first pair of pull-ups after all they’ve ever known is diapers.

It would be my chastity that would remind me that there were some slight differences. It’s constant presence always served to remind me that there was a very adult aspect to the game we played, even when it was hidden away for long stretches at a time.

The pull up fit mostly well–the cage itself causing the front of the pull-up to bulge out a bit more than I’d have liked. Mommy laughed at this and reached into the garment in an attempt to straighten it out. Her efforts seemed to have made only a nominal difference, though the feeling of her smooth hand on my skin never failed–even now, so long after we started–to get my soft cock to strain within its metal confines.

“Well, that’s just going to have to be how it is,” she shrugged. “I doubt anyone will be able to tell once you put some pants on.”

“I’m going to feel self-conscious about it all night,” I said, a tone that sounded a little more whiny than I’d have liked.

“Little boys can’t have it all, it seems. You get to go and pretend to be a big boy tonight, and you get to wear a pull-up. The rest of it is what it is.”

Fair enough, honestly. A month ago I wasn’t sure that I’d have imagined even this much.

I found that my pants fit better than I remember them fitting in a long time. The pull-ups still have a slight amount of bulk to them, but it’s nothing compared to the diapers I was used to cramming into pants. Pants that weren’t made for holding that sort of extra junk-in-the-trunk. And when my pants fit better, suddenly I find myself feeling better about the way I look in the mirror. I look more adult than I have in ages. I feel more adult than I have in ages.

And, to my relief, Mommy seemed to have been right–the pants did a pretty decent job of masking the lump in the front of my pull-up.

“You look handsome tonight,” Mommy said to me at the door. “You always look handsome. But you look very handsome tonight.”

It’s the sort of thing that mothers are just supposed to say, I think. But…this mother has allowed for my cock to slip inside of her–I feel like that gives her words a little more credence.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You’ll call me if there’s an emergency?”

“Yes.”

“What time will you be home?”

“Do, uh, I have a curfew?”

She chuckled and shook her head. “I just want to know at which point I can start being nervous when you’re not here.”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “But I could text you throughout the night and keep you updated.”

“Don’t text me too much, Baby. Pay attention to your friends.”

Don’t worry, I will. “I’ll be sure to let you know when I’m coming home.”

“I love you, Clark.”

“I love you too, Mommy.”

I didn’t expect it to happen–and maybe she didn’t either–but our faces tipped towards each other and we kissed. Her lips on mine. It was warm, it was wet, and it filled my belly with fire just as it caused my cock to writhe in discomfort.

When her lips pulled away from mine, she gave me a smug grin. She said nothing, but she didn’t have to. The message was clear: “I still got it.”

“I, uhm, will see you later,” I said, my heart rapidly beating as I used a finger to pull some of the moisture off of my lips.

“I’ll be here, Clarky.”

Mommy’s house wasn’t so far away from the train station that I couldn’t just walk there, but that would’ve required me leaving earlier–which would’ve meant that I’d have less time atop Ms. Potty. I opted to hail an Uber instead, having it jet me right to where I needed to be in town. Someday, I wouldn’t be able to afford such frivolities, but for a little longer it was still on Mommy’s seemingly-limitless dime.

The plan was to meet with Paige first, and then we’d meet with Ava and Caleb at the restaurant not long after. The ramen place was actually pretty close to Paige’s apartment. Actually, amusingly enough, it was closer to where I once lived with Evan. 

Paige answered the door to her apartment with the first knock. She might have actually opened the door while I was still knocking, and I could only imagine that she had been perched there for the last half hour, one eye to the door’s peephole.

“Excuse me, sir,” she said in a faux gentlemanly accent. “Have you seen my date? You look far  too old to be he. You see, my date wears enormous diapers like a toddler and…”

“Hi Paige.”

“Hey Clark.”

“You look very pretty.”

“Too pretty?” she asked.

“T-too? I don’t know if that’s a thing…”

“No, I just mean, like, does it look like I’m trying too hard?”

“Oh,” I said, shrugging. “That’s not the impression I’m getting.” I never really knew how to navigate these sorts of conversations–the ones where girls would seem overly self-conscious about their appearances. They acted like they expected someone to tell them they looked like shit, despite the fact that it couldn’t have been further from the truth. Just once in my life I wanted to see what would happen if I actually followed their lead. “Oh yeah, for sure, what were you thinking–dressing like that?” Well, tonight certainly wasn’t that night. But someday. Just once. If I was ever feeling braver than I had ever felt in my entire life.

“So, like, you haven’t really told me much about these folks we’re going out with. What did you say their names were? Amy and Corncob?”

“Corncob? Nobody’s name is Corncob.”

“I know that,” she giggled. “But I wasn’t paying well enough attention when you said their names and I remember it sounding like ‘corncob.’”

“Ava and Caleb,” I said.

“Right, right.” She said the name aloud herself: “Ava.”

I didn’t like the way she said it. There was something in her tone, combined with the look on her face, that just didn’t sit well with me. And, almost right away, I thought I knew what it was. I had said Ava’s name before to Paige. In fact–I had said it here in this very apartment. 

I had accidentally called her Ava when we were here together last. Fuck. I truly hoped she didn’t remember that. 

“And they’re good friends of yours?” she asked.

“Well…to be honest, I don’t know Caleb very well at all. Ava and I are good friends, though. We used to work together.”

“Oh yeah?” She smirked and playfully punched my arm. “Is this all some sort of elaborate scheme to make Ava jealous and have her fall in love with you?”

“No!” I exclaimed. “Oh, gosh no. Not at all. Nothing like that.”

Wait, I thought. Is it, though? 

I didn’t think it was. I thought I had been accepting of Ava’s decisions, and I didn’t want to interfere with her relationship with Caleb. Or anyone else for that matter. And I truly had no desire to use Paige like a tool. I liked Paige. I was having a good time with Paige. I wanted to see where this could go.

But.

I really liked Ava. 

You need to be real fucking careful, Clarky. I could have all the best intentions in the world, but what would happen if I somehow actually got the chance to be with Ava again? Would I drop Paige like a dirty diaper?

“I’m just teasing you,” she said. “I don’t think you’re the type.”

“Oh, well…good.”

“Of course, that’s what they always say, right? Like on those true crime documentaries? All the eyewitnesses and family members talk about how the murderer never seemed like he was capable of such a thing until he did it.”

“Wait…do you think I’m using you to win someone else’s heart? Or are you saying that you’re afraid I’m going to be a murderer someday?”

She shrugged and laughed.

“I’ll, uh, be good,” I said, hoping that covered all possible fears of hers.

“Not too good,” she said playfully. “I’d still like to have a reason to spank you.”

I felt my face warm quite a bit as I scrambled to look at the time on my phone. “So, uh, you think we should get going soon?”

“Maybe in a few?” she shrugged. “The place is just down the street. Can I get you something to drink?”

That didn’t sound like a bad idea. I was about to tell to grab me one, when she added:

“Or are you afraid that you’d wet yourself if you drank too much.”

Actually, that was a very legit concern of mine.

“Maybe just…something small?” I wasn’t exactly sure what I was asking for. In my head, I imagined her bringing me out a half-can of beer.

“A shot?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah. That sounds perfect.” Something to calm my nerves just a little, while also not putting me at risk for saturating my pull-up in the first ten minutes we were at the restaurant.

“I forgot to ask earlier,” she said, grabbing some shot glasses from the kitchen. “Are you, uh, wearing a diaper tonight?”

“Sort of.”

“Sort of? I don’t… What does that even mean?”

I already felt like I said too much. I should’ve just said ‘yes,’ and left it at that. ‘Sort of’ opened the door for prolonged discussions that I wasn’t sure I wanted to have right now.

Might as well just talk about it now. “I’m, uh, trying something new tonight.”

“Underwear?”

“Uh…not exactly.”

She giggled. “Panties? Are you wearing panties tonight?” She seemed kind of excited about that idea–reminding me of my day with Megan.

God, I missed her too.

“N-no. I’m wearing a pull-up.”

She shrugged. “I’m not sure I know what that is.” But then I saw her eyes light up, and the lightbulb go off over her head. “Oh! Wait…like the ‘I’m a big kid now,’ kind of pull-ups?”

“Well, yes. I mean…not those, specifically. But…on a bigger scale.”

“Oh my god!” she squealed. “That sounds so fucking cute.”

“Really?”

“I think…you should show me.”

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. God, I wanted to do that so badly. The problem, of course, was the same problem I had when I was here in her apartment the last time–the chastity cage. 

I could just tell her about it…

But no, I wasn’t sure that I could. Then I’d have to talk about Mommy. And talk about the old job. And then, maybe, I’d end up talking more about how close Ava and I had actually been. And then I might as well just tell Paige that I was still in love with Ava. 

“M-maybe later,” I said. I didn’t like making this conversation the problem of future-me, but I couldn’t see how else to get around it right now. Not without starting tonight off on the wrong foot.

“That’s no fun,” she smirked. “Show me now. Just a little peek? Please?”

“I, uh…” It didn’t take much female attention to get me to fold most days, it seemed. She wanted to see my pull-up, so she was going to see it. “Okay.”

Make it real quick. Just a little flash. ‘Bam’ and then my pants are back up before she can do too much investigating.

The way her whole face lit up when she was excited–it was the way I wanted to see her all the time. It reminded me of how I loved to make Mommy look at me like that. Or Ava. Or Lyndie. Or even Megan.

Maybe all I want to do is make girls happy?

I quickly unlatched my belt, unfastened my pants. A hand on either side of my hips, I took a careful breath and gave the pants a quick push down my thighs. Just enough to show off the top half of my pull-up, but hopefully not so far down that it exposed the lump created by my chastity. Then, just as quickly as I pushed my pants down, I tugged them right back up into place again.

“Aww,” she cooed. “Is that it?”

“That’s it,” I said, before foolishly adding: “For now.”

“Oh good,” she smiled. “So I can see more later?”

“Well…”

“Because they are cute. And I’d like to see a lot more of them. And, you know, you show me yours and I’ll show you mine.”

“A-are you wearing a diaper tonight?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Maybe later, when we’re sitting across the table from your friends at the restaurant, you can slide your hand between my legs and find out for yourself.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling my cheeks turning red. I tried to speak, but all I got out was some variation of “Uhm…uh…”

“Come on, baby boy,” she cooed, thrusting the shot glass into my hand. “Let’s do our shot.”

We clinked our tiny glasses together and kicked them back into our open mouths. I thought I tasted cheap whiskey, and my throat certainly had the familiar burn of cheap whiskey. It was bad, but it was also good. 

“You’re coming back here after our date tonight, yeah?” she asked.

I had been operating under the idea that I’d make my exit for the evening from the restaurant later–sparing myself any potential embarrassment from coming back to her place again. But now she was forcing me to either change my plans or to somehow say ‘no.’

Goddamn girls. “Uhm…sure. I guess I could swing back here for a bit after dinner.” Another problem for future-me. I could only hope that I figured out a way to get out of this by the time dinner was over. A way out of this that didn’t let me lose any face with her.

“Good,” she said, her body sidling up close to mine. She batted her eyelashes at me, while the floral scent of her hair filled my nostrils–essentially taking control of my mind. “Because I want to get up close and real personal with that pull-up of yours later. And you might want to get real close to mine.”

Don’t worry, I told myself. You’ll figure a way out of this one.

But I didn’t believe myself.

Eighty-One

“I remember the door opening,” Paige said, “and you were just standing there in a diaper. Well…I didn’t know it was a diaper at first. I thought you were just wearing underpants. And, you know, it wouldn’t have been the first time someone accepted a pizza in their underpants.”

We were walking towards the ramen place, and I had asked Paige what went through her head the first time she saw my diaper–the first time she saw me.

“Really?” I asked. “Like…how often does that happen?”

“Often enough,” she grimaced. “And it’s never the people you want to see in their underpants. Even when it’s someone who looks cute, right? And if they were wearing clothes, you might think, ‘Oh, I bet they’d look good in just their underpants.’ There’s something that happens to you when you strip down to surprise someone who isn’t expecting it. Like, when I see someone without most of their clothes on, I can’t see their cute qualities anymore, y’know? All I see are all their creepy intentions. Or…lazy intentions? Sometimes I can’t tell if someone is creepy or lazy in a situation like that.”

“So when you saw me,” I asked, “did you think I was creepy or lazy?”

“Well it took a moment or two to register what I was actually looking at. Even after I realized it was a diaper, it still took a little bit for my brain to even begin processing that. Honestly, I think you were kind of an exception anyway. You could’ve been wearing almost anything–a life preserver, a viking helmet, panties–and I probably would’ve noticed the same thing.”

“Hmm?”

“Your eyes,” she said. “I remember looking right into your eyes, and I felt like I could understand everything about you in a second.”

“Uh…wow.”

“I mean, I didn’t actually know a damn thing about you,” she laughed and shrugged. “But I thought I did. I thought I knew enough. Like, I knew you weren’t trying to be a creep. I knew you had a complicated relationship with your diapers–you didn’t just love them or hate them.”

“Sounds like lucky guesses to me,” I said, my cheeks warming a little. I wasn’t sure if I completely believed her or not–any of this would be easy to claim in hindsight. 

“I saw something else too,” she said.

“Yeah?”

“I saw you were completely humiliated.”

“Well…that was probably the most obvious thing you could’ve noticed,” I shrugged.

“I mean, I saw you were completely humiliated–and you fucking loved it.”

I bit my bottom lip and let a long breath out from my nose as I felt my cheeks getting more red. 

“And since then, do you feel like you’ve gotten any better at reading me?” I asked.

“Maybe,” she smirked.

Up ahead, I could see the lit sign for the ramen place, and in front of the door were two people. That would be Ava and Caleb, I was sure of it. I hadn’t even seen her face yet and I felt some of the strength in my legs fading. Shit. It was going to be a long night.

“I hope we didn’t keep you waiting too long,” I said as we got closer. A silly thing to say, since I knew we were on time–but it felt like the sort of inane adult chatter you were supposed to use. Was I just trying to sound more adult?

“We just got here,” Ava smiled. “Hello, Clark.”

Ava and I hugged each other–just a brief embrace, but one that I wished would have lasted a bit longer. She smelled different. Not something I was entirely fond of admitting that I checked for, but the Ava I knew–even if it had been many months since I last encountered her–had a specific scent. Whenever I thought of her, I could almost find traces of the scent in my nostrils. Baby powder, and the faint hint of a floral perfume. I theorized that the perfume wasn’t actually hers–it was Ms. Beaufort’s, and it just transferred to Ava while she breastfed her. 

Now, she just smelled faintly of citrus. Generically clean, I supposed.

Things I probably shouldn’t be thinking about right now.

“Ava, this is Paige. Paige, this is my good friend Ava.”

I expected a polite handshake, but the two women quickly embraced instead. There was a hint or recognition on Ava’s face. I could tell that she felt like she had seen Paige before, but she just wasn’t where from.

“Clark,” Caleb said, stepping towards me with his hand outstretched. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Likewise, man,” I said. Man? I never said ‘man.’ I shook his hand. 

Caleb had a mustache now, and I was pretty sure he didn’t have one before. It didn’t look bad, per se. But, painted by my jealousy for him, it seemed…gauche? Pretentious? Or, maybe it was actually ugly. I made a mental note to inquire with Paige about that later.

At her place? Shit, I remembered that I still needed to figure out that situation too.

“This is my boyfriend Caleb,” Ava said to Paige.

“Hi, Caleb,” Paige said, shaking his head as well. “I’m Paige.”

“A pleasure to meet you.”

“Well?” asked Ava. “What do you say we get in there and tear into some bowls of noodles, huh?”

I grimaced a little as I eased myself into our booth, expecting my pants to emit the usual crisp crinkle of my thick diaper as I sat down. But no–the training pants didn’t make any sound at all. They didn’t bunch up between my legs. It almost felt like…underwear.

I’m a big kid now…

“So you two used to work together?” Paige asked as we settled in, her finger bouncing back and forth between Ava and myself.

“It’s true,” I said. “And what a place that was.”

Ava laughed, a little extra pink in her cheeks. 

“What sort of work was it?” Paige asked.

“Executive assistants,” I said. “We were both assistants for some of the big important people at this company.”

“Sounds exhausting,” Paige said, shaking her head. “Is it like those shows on TV? Like Succession, or whatever, where the execs just treat their assistants like shit all the time?”

“I mean…we weren’t working for a company on the scale of the one in Succession,” Ava shrugged. “But I thought our experience was pretty good.” She shot me a tiny, knowing, smile. It felt good, like a little secret. Neither Caleb or Paige had any idea of the sights we’ve seen, and the surreal experiences we had–and sometimes shared–while at work.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I learned a lot.”

“And so what are you up to these days?” Caleb asked me.

I felt my cheeks warm a little. Ava looked like she was about to jump in to defend me, but I couldn’t let her go to bat for me. “My boss from that company actually left and started a new company,” I said. “So I’m working for her there, now.”

It felt good to talk about my employment. See? I’m an adult. Just like you.

“And what about you?” Caleb asked, his question directed to Paige. “Sorry to be so nosey, I’m just a curious kind of guy.”

Paige laughed, “Oh, you don’t have to apologize for being curious. I was probably going to ask you the same thing. Well, it’s not the most glamorous job in the world, but I, uh, deliver pizzas.”

There it was–the light bulb going off over Ava’s head. She knew exactly who this was. She looked at me and smiled, but kept her mouth shut.

Caleb, however, couldn’t help himself. “Wait…is this the fabled Pizza Girl?”

I wondered how it was that Caleb knew of Pizza Girl. Sure, Ava could’ve told him–but that story felt like it would require admitting a lot of other details too. It was possible, I supposed, that Ava had told him about diapers and her baby-days, but my gut told me that conversation hadn’t happened yet.

There was another possibility too, though. Caleb had been with us at the pizza place back when I first ran into Paige again. Evan told everyone he saw Pizza Girl, and it was something we all had laughed about–with the exception of Caleb.

“That is me,” Paige said, confidently nodding. “Fabled, though? I didn’t know my legend was making its way across the land.”

Ava laughed. “I think we’ve just talked, from time to time, about how you were the one who used to deliver pizza to Clark’s apartment when we all used to hang out there.”

“Oh,” Paige smirked. “So you were there when I came by with pizza?”

Translation: “So, you’re in on this whole diaper thing too, huh?”

“Indeed,” Ava said, smirking right back.

My heart pounded in my chest. It wasn’t that I thought I was in danger–I didn’t think that either Ava or Paige would put me on blast and start talking about diapers–but I couldn’t begin to imagine what was going through either of the girls’ heads.

Meanwhile, Caleb, and his mustache, looked pretty unaware of the secret conversation happening just below the surface.

The conversation pivoted away from who knew who or how they knew them. We were all finding our bearings, trying to contribute something to each conversation. Here, I had been nervous that I was going to be stilted and awkward compared to everyone else, while everyone else communicated effortlessly–though I didn’t find that to be the case. Even with my still-thawing social skills, coming off months of diapered hibernation, I felt as much as part of the group as anyone else likely did.

Here’s what I observed: We were all a little stilted and awkward. Maybe that’s just how we were at this age. Nobody had anything figured out, and everyone was nervous that they’d be the one to slow down the conversation. 

Maybe my time in the nursery hadn’t set me as far back as I thought it had.

The conversation was all over the place. Ava was talking about her recent journeys into mediation and yoga. Caleb talked about how he had been refurbishing a bicycle of his, with the hopes of taking it out for a multi-state bike trip next summer. Paige shared a story or two about the weirdos she encountered while delivering food–these types of stories were guaranteed crowd-pleasers, it seemed. I nervously waited for each story to start with “And then, this one time, a guy answered the door wearing just a diaper,” but, to my relief, it never happened.

Food was delivered to the table, and it was good. It’s hard to keep all your dignity about you when you’re loudly slurping on noodles, but the good news was that we were all doing it.

At one point, mid to late meal, I rested my right hand on my lap beneath the table. I was just thinking about how I had managed to go this long without having any sort of accident in my pull-up when I felt a hand on top of mine. I didn’t have to look to know who it belonged to–Paige’s warm hand gently squeezed mine.

She gripped my hand in hers, and she lifted it from my thigh, slowly carrying it over to her lap. I offered no resistance.

“...and it kinda sucks, you know?” Caleb was talking to the group–something about a design application he uses for work. “It’s a good program–but now I have to pay a monthly fee for it? That doesn’t really seem fair to me. I’d rather just pay one cost and be done with it. Like…”

I absolutely was not paying attention to that. Maybe Ava was. Paige seemed interested, but despite the engaged look on her face, she was also planting my hand in her own lap beneath the table. She carefully pressed my hand between her legs. 

I could almost hear her: “Feel right here, Clark. Tell me what you feel.”

It felt…soft. Squishy. Warm. I knew exactly what it was I was feeling. She had worn a diaper tonight, and she had wet it too–recently, at that. No, wait. I could feel the gentle vibrations in the dense padding–she was still wetting herself. I was feeling her wet her diaper through her pants beneath the table and nobody else had any clue.

It was kind of exciting to not be the diaper-wetter for once. There I was, in a completely dry pull-up, feeling someone else’s diaper getting wet. 

Okay. Fine. My plan for later? My plan for what I’d do when if–and when–Paige invited me back to her place? I was going to tell her everything. I was going to tell her about the chastity and that I lived with someone who I called ‘Mommy.’ I was going to tell her the whole history of my job, and how I, one day, almost literally stumbled into the craziest job I’ve ever had in my entire life.

It feels good to decide that. It doesn’t completely alleviate the stress and anxiety I feel about the situation–I still need to actually have that conversation with Paige, and she needs to accept it all.

But that part isn’t on me. It’s up to her. 

“That’s crazy,” Paige said, responding to whatever Caleb had just been talking about. “You hate to see that, you know? The very people who supported that platform all these years are now the ones who are going to suffer the most when these faceless corporations make stupid decisions in the name of profits.”

“Yes,” Caleb said, slapping the table with his hand. “That’s exactly right.”

Absolutely amazing. Below the table, my fingers were squeezing and prodding her plump diaper, and yet she was able to act like no such thing was happening. She was actually engaged in the conversation–far more than I was.

“Sorry,” Ava said to me. “You’d think he’d get all his design software woes out of his system at work–since he talks about it five days a week there too–but…here we are.”

I laughed and shrugged. “The guy’s passionate about it. I get it.”

“I should probably take a breather,” Caleb laughed, placing his napkin on the table. “I’ll be back in a few. Gonna hit the head and then step outside for a min.”

“Hurry back,” Ava smiled.

He smiled, nodded, and walked in the direction of the bathroom.

“So,” Ava said. It felt like she was addressing Paige and I’s side of the table, but she was looking directly at me. “Having fun?”

“It’s good to see you,” I said. That wasn’t really an answer to her question, though, and I felt myself blush a little.

“So, you were, uhm, a regular at Clark’s old apartment when I delivered pizza?” Paige asked.

“Oh yeah,” Ava said, as if having forgotten that this was a topic she wanted to bring up again too. “I mean, I don’t think I was there as often, but…I know I was there once when…” She stopped herself, thought about it for a moment and started over: “Wow, what a strange little world we live in. Here you are, eating dinner with us now.”

Paige smiled. “So…you know all about this one’s, uhm…”

I sighed. “She knows about my diapers, yeah.”

And she knows far more about them than you think you do.

Ava nervously glanced around for Caleb. “I, uh, haven’t really told him anything about that yet. I will, eventually. I just…that’s going to be a wild conversation.”

“I’m not sure I follow,” Paige said. “Why would Caleb care about whether or not Clark wears diapers?”

Ava and I were both blushing now. “Oh, uhm, no,” Ava said, her voice still as polite as ever. “I mean, I’m not sure when to tell him about how I wore diapers.”

“Oh,” Paige said, sitting back in the booth a little, her cheeks looking a little rosy too. “Sorry. I…didn’t know that you also…”

Ava glanced at me and laughed. “I guess I’m glad that Clark’s a gentleman like that. I would’ve assumed he’d have told you already.”

“Well, it’s a pleasant surprise to learn you’re a big baby too,” Paige said.

“Was…” Ava said. “Well…I’m sure I’ll wear them again someday.”

Paige laughed and shrugged. “Poor Caleb. Is he the only one at this table who hasn’t been wearing diapers lately?”

Ava’s eyes grew large. “Oh. You wear them too?”

“Uh huh.”

Ava smiled, her eyes again being directed towards me. “Good for you, Clarky. That sounds fun.”

We all shared a laugh that time. I had no doubt that both Ava and Paige had plenty more questions–both for each other and for me–but it was at about that time that Caleb came strolling back to the table.

Ava, to her credit, immediately changed gears. “Did you go outside and make some big puffy clouds?”

“Aye,” Caleb nodded.

“When we first met,” Ava said to Paige and I, “he told me he was using vaping to wean himself off of smoking. But now I feel like I see him vaping way more than I had ever seen him smoke before.”

“It’s better for you than smoking,” he said.

“I’m not sure that’s true,” I said. It was a risky claim to refute–maybe some big scientific studies had been published in the last few months, while I was just crawling around in my diapers, that actually confirmed vaping was better for you. But I doubted that.

“It’s definitely not true,” Ava pouted. “Look, both of you have my permission to hassle this guy about it if you ever see him vaping.”

“You think she’s kidding,” Caleb shrugged. “But she’s already got my entire family giving me all kinds of shit for it.”

“Well,” Ava shrugged, “wouldn’t it be something if this little campaign of mine actually got you to quit?”

I couldn’t get over just how mature Ava sounded. Every once in a while it’d hit me. This was not the Ava I knew a few months ago. This was not the girl who suckled from Neve Beaufort’s tits with me while we waited for the hubbub surrounding Thomas Pritchard to calm down. This wasn’t the girl who laid with me in the park late one night. This wasn’t the girl who had been on her back in Lyndie’s office–almost as many times as I was–getting her stinky diaper changed. 

But that wasn’t a bad thing. I was happy for her. Adulthood looked good on her.

I supposed that I just wished I had been there to see it happen. Or that I had been growing up with her. Instead, she was still changing my diapers–or she had been when she was babysitting me just a few short weeks ago. 

I glanced over to Paige, and she was looking back at me. We both smiled. 

Paige was good. Paige was incredible. She was pretty and she was so fun. She had this naughty energy about her that I felt like I had only just scratched the surface of. Case in point, my hand was still trapped in her lap–her hand still pressing my fingers into her swampy diaper.

I sometimes worried that Paige was just a placeholder for Ava. Hell, that could’ve been true yet and I just hadn’t been able to admit it to myself yet. But I really liked Paige, and was hoping that we were headed in a good direction with each other. It would probably depend on our conversation after this, I thought. When I put it all out there, we’d see where we actually were then. 

If I spilled my guts to her–if I told her about Mommy, my life as a big baby, and the metal cage around my cock–and she accepted it all? I’d probably cling to her for dear life, never letting her leave my side again.

And then…

Then I’d look back at Ava. And my heart would swoon. The heart wants what the heart wants. Even if–especially if–my heart couldn’t have it.

“Well, I don’t know about the rest of you,” Caleb said, scratching his belly with big exaggerated movements, “but I’m beat. There’s something about a big ol’ bowl of hot noodles that makes me want to curl up on the couch and sleep.”

“So…should I drive?” Ava asked with a smirk.

“No, no. I think I can get us home without falling asleep…”

The implication, of course, was that Ava and Caleb were going to the same place after this. Were they going to his place? Or back to Ava’s? He supposed he could reach out to Lynide tomorrow and ask.

Stop that. It’s not your business.

“It was so nice to meet you,” Ava said to Paige when we were all standing outside on the sidewalk. “I’m glad we did this. I hope we can do it again.”

“Same,” Paige said, hugging Ava. “It sounds silly, but I don’t have a ton of friends in the area, so it was nice to get out and just socialize a bit.”

“Well, we’re friends now,” Ava smiled. “Whenever you want to do this again, I’m down.”

“Always good to see, man,” Caleb said to me. We gave each other one of those awkward hug/handshake things where we slap each other on the back for some reason. I never cared for them, as they never felt genuine. I wondered if he felt the same way, or if he actually thought they were a good way to greet or dismiss someone. 

Goodbyes were said, and Paige and I took off in one direction while Ava and Caleb were off in the other.

Now then. It was getting closer and closer to when I’d tell Paige everything there was to know. I wondered, for most of a block, if this was the last time we’d be happy in each other's presence, as the things I’d later reveal would somehow put an end to our budding relationship.

“So, did you want to come over to my place?” she asked.

I nodded. “If you’ll have me.”

She smiled. “I’d love it if you did.”

We walked a little further without saying another word. It didn’t feel awkward or anything, it was actually kind of nice to just stroll side by side with each other and not feel like we had to fill every second with chatter.

“Hey,” she finally said. “Remember earlier, when we were walking to the restaurant, and I talked about how I could look into your eyes and feel like I knew everything about you in just a moment?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I remember that.”

“I looked into your eyes again tonight, while we were at dinner, and I had that same exact feeling again.”

“Oh yeah? What did you learn about me?”

She laughed and shook her head. “I don’t know if you’re going to like it.”

How could I not like it,” I asked. “I…I want you to know everything about me.”

“Okay, but…what if it’s something that you don’t even know about yourself?”

“I can handle it,” I said.

“Well…” She took a deep breath and shrugged. “I think you’re in love with Ava. Like…you’re big time in love with her.”

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, and that sinking persisted for the next block or so. With every step, I felt like the gravity in my guts was multiplying. 

I had managed to keep my pull-up clean all night, but suddenly I felt like I was just a few steps from both pissing and messing myself like a little baby.

[D503]

Awesome update. Poor Paige, Clarky's found a unicorn, and he's only eyes for another.

Love the scenes with mommmy too and can't wait for the reveal. Heaven's knows what Paige thinks when she realises there's a SECOND woman she needs to contend with. 

[quietlyhumiliated]

Another double dose of Doing Business this week!

Eighty-Two

For the last few blocks of our walk, I felt as if I was lost in a swirling haze. It wasn’t until we were nearing the front steps of Paige’s apartment building that I realized I hadn’t said a word since she told me of her observation. It wasn’t that I was upset with her in any way. I was just feeling a little emotionally overwhelmed. And, feeling the panicked twisting in my abdomen, physically too.

“You alright?” Paige asked.

“Oh, uhm, yeah…”

“You’re still coming inside, right?”

I had almost forgotten why I had been following her in the first place. A little bit ago, just before Paige observed that I was still in love with Ava, I had been preparing myself to tell Paige everything. I was going to talk about Mommy, and the chastity, and the time spent working at the company where I met Ava in the first place. This, I had mostly convinced myself, was going to be the start of something really special between Paige and I.

“Is that okay?”

She laughed and shook her head. “Silly. I’m the one who invited you, remember?”

I had no idea where Paige and I stood now. She was smiling. Laughing. She was taking care of me, I supposed, by ushering me into her apartment as opposed to just leaving me behind on the street. At the very least, I could say that she wasn’t mad at me.

“How’s this thing doing?” she asked, her open palm swatting my bottom as she followed me up the steps inside the building.

It didn’t hurt, but I did note that the playful swat felt a little different when I was wearing a pull-up as opposed to a diaper.

“S-still dry,” I said. “For now.”

“Not me,” she said, strutting past me to lead the way. “I’m nice and squishy. You felt that, right?”

My lips broke into a small smile. It was hard to feel down when she had such a buoyant energy about her–especially when it came to soggy diapers. 

“I felt it,” I nodded. “It felt good.”

Back in Paige’s apartment, the shot glasses we used earlier were still sitting on the counter. She noticed them at the same time I did.

“Let’s refill those, yeah?”

“Good idea,” I said. I wasn’t interested in getting trashed, but another shot of cheap whiskey might be just the thing I needed to numb my overactive nerves a bit.

“So, you’ve got it bad for her, huh?” she asked, tipping the bottle of brown liquid into the shot glasses.

“I mean…she’s taken. I’ve been trying to move on.”

Paige laughed. “Is that me? An attempt to move on?”

“N-no…”

“I’m not offended,” she shrugged. “I mean, honestly, good for you. There’s people out there who fall in love with someone who isn’t available to them, and they just sort of shut down. They never move past it, and they stay stuck in this miserable limbo for eternity.”

“Has that ever happened to you?” I asked.

“What? Being stuck in a lovelorn-limbo? Can’t say I have. I have different sorts of relationship issues. You know, like being noncommittal or having these soul-breaking bouts of feeling like I’m not enough for someone.”

“Noncommittal?” I wouldn’t have guessed that this would be something she struggled with–but we also didn’t know each other that well.

“Oh, sure,” she shrugged, sliding one of the shot glasses across the counter to me. “I love all the fun stuff. Flirting. Kissing. Sex. But as soon as we have to have a serious conversation about where our relationship is going, I’m looking for the quickest route to the window so I can leap out of it.”

“Wow…”

“Why do you think the closest thing I had to a relationship was just a friends-with-benefits?” she asked.

I wasn’t sure what to make of this information. On one hand, it made me feel a little better about my lingering feelings for Ava–and being called out by her for said feelings. On the other, I was now trying to imagine what would’ve happened if Paige hadn’t made the observation she had. Would I have come back to her place, spilled my guts to her, only to be disappointed–either today or in the near future–when I learned that she wasn’t interested in the same relanship I might have been?

We clinked our small shot glasses together and kicked back our burning liquid again. It tasted bad. It felt bad going down my throat. But in a good way. It felt like penance.

“Well,” I shrugged, “since we’re peeling back all the layers of the onion…I guess there’s a few other things I could share with you. If you want to know, that is.”

She laughed and made her way over to the couch. Once sitting, she patted the seat next to her, beckoning for me to join her. I did so.

“Let me see if I can guess,” she said. 

I snorted and shrugged. “I mean, you can try…”

“You’re, like, an internet superstar. You have thousands of followers and they watch your every move. Every dirty diaper is logged and chatted about by your friends in forums and message boards.”

“Uh…no. I mean, not that I know of.” That was the dangerous sort of idea I’d want to keep away from Mommy.

“Does this have anything to do with the fact that apparently Ava has spent a good amount of time in diapers in the past?”

“Yeah… Actually, it has a lot to do with that.”

“I’m all ears if it’s a story you want to tell.”

“I do. I was going to anyway, I think.” I started to get up from the couch again. “Real quick, though, maybe I should just go and use the restroom…”

“Are you kidding me right now?” she laughed. “You’re wearing a diaper.”

“A pull-up.”

“Hate to break it to you, but that’s still a diaper, baby.”

“I know, but I’ve got to…” I had a little flashback of the last time I was in Paige’s apartment, and how I sprinted to her bathroom and befouled her toilet so that I didn’t have to soil my diaper in front of her. The stress of the last hour had been causing chaos in my abdomen, and I was worried that I was close to having to make the same decision again.

“Sit down,” she said. “And if you go in your training pants…well, that’s what they’re for. I’ve got diapers here.”

“But…we’re not talking about just wetting here.”

“I know,” she smiled. “It’s okay. And I’ll make you a deal. If you do it, I’ll do it too.”

I laughed and shook my head, unsure if I could even believe what she just said. “Yeah right…”

“I’m serious!” She held out her hand, pinky extended towards me. “Pinky promise. A, uh, pinky promise poop pact. If one of us goes tonight, we both go. Deal?”

I sighed. I wasn’t completely in love with this idea, but it did have its charms. It reminded me of the ‘old days’ a little–that time when I was exploring diapers at work and at home. Back before I was living with Mommy. Back when everyday just felt like a wildly humiliating adventure. I was thinking about the times spent with Ava and Lyndie. Or Kylie, when I was in Seattle. Or Megan.

“Deal,” I said, my pinky finger wrapping around hers.

“Alright, good. With that established, why don’t you tell me your little story.”

“So…a while back, I had gotten an internship with this big company. It seemed like a really big deal at first, but I quickly started to see it as what it really was–a company looking for nobodies to exploit for cheap labor on dumb projects nobody else wanted to do.”

“Wait, so this is what you wanted to tell me about? An internship?”

“Hold on,” I chuckled. “We’re getting there.”

“Proceed.”

“So, one day, this guy who works for the company approached me with a job to do. This guy is pretty much a nobody at the company–the kind of guy who’d be doing the things the interns were doing if there weren’t interns. Even us interns know this guy isn’t important. We don’t even know his name–we made up a name for him and that was the only name we knew him by for months. So, he gives me this silly little job of hanging up some award plaque in a hallway. So I go and do it, and end up running into this woman. Who, it turns out, is the CEO of the entire company.”

“Is this the part where you start some forbidden sex scandal with her? The CEO and the intern?”

“Uh, well, actually…”

“Get out of here. Seriously? You?”

“I’m getting to it,” I smirked. “It’s all in the story.”

“Okay, okay. I’m listening. Please go on.”

“So, uhm, yeah. The CEO–this woman named Gabrielle Heller–offers me an opportunity. She makes it pretty obvious from the very start that my real job would be, uhm, doing whatever humiliating things she can come up with. And, well…I took that opportunity. Almost immediately, I get swept up in this world of bringing my boss joy through my own submission.”

“Diapers?” Paige asked.

“Uh, yeah. Exactly. That’s what Ms. Heller wanted me to wear. Right from the start.”

I go on. I tell her about the other intern, Lyndie, who slowly got dragged into my game. I tell her about the whole world of perverted executives and their assistants that’s slowly revealed to me. I tell her about the surreal coronation ceremony where I was passed around and spanked before having a chastity device affixed to my manhood.

“Seriously? Chastity? Like…one of those things that go over your dong?”

I felt my heart beating quickly in my chest. It had been a while since I got to experience this kind of anxiety–a very specific brand of anxiety that seemed to only come from revealing secrets about myself to new people in my life. 

“That’s right.”

“Jeez. And so was the idea to prevent you from ever having sex again? Or was your boss just saying that she was in control of when sex happened?”

“The latter.”

“Wow. And how long did you have to wear that for?”

“Oh, well… We’ve got a bit more to cover in the story, and I’m sure by the end you’ll have an answer to that.”

“Wait. You’re still wearing it, aren’t you?”

“Uhm…”

“Right now, your dick is all locked up, isn’t it?”

I sighed. “Yeah.”

“I guess I would’ve figured that out sooner or later, huh?”

“I was going to tell you tonight, actually,” I laughed. “For what it’s worth.”

“I’d ask if I could see it. But…maybe we should get through this story first.”

“Fair enough,” I said.

The story continued. Paige now learns about the trip to Seattle. I told her of Kylie, who started as my babysitter, but ended up in diapers herself by the end of the trip. Then it’s back home again. My feelings for Ava grow, Lyndie gets a nursery in the office, and Thomas Pritchard–the low-ranking employee who got me into this whole situation in the first place–becomes suspicious of how I got my position in the first place. I told her about the chaos created when my mother decided she wanted to come and see me, and how I ended up pissing in my actual pants in the middle of a restaurant when we finally did get brunch together. I told her of Megan, who didn’t end up putting me in girlish clothes, though she had accidentally sent some explicit photos of my messy bottom to my mother.

“Holy moley,” Paige said, wide-eyed and slowly shaking her head. “I don’t know if I'd ever recover from that.”

“That was…quite the day. My mother and I seem to be in a better place now. But I still get nightmares about that.”

“And those pictures–your mom saw, like, everything?”

“I don’t know how much attention she paid to them, but…it was all there. Every disgustingly messy detail.”

“Speaking of messy…I’m assuming that pull-up of yours is still clean?”

“I think you’d know if it wasn’t,” I smiled.

“You must be dying to use it.”

I laughed. “What is with you wanting me to poop my diaper in front of you?”

She sighed and shrugged. “Well, I mean…sure I do want to see it. But the sooner that you go…”

“Oh,” I said. “I see. You have to go, and you were hoping that I’d go first so that you didn’t have to be the one to poop first.”

More nervous laughter from her.

“Look,” I said. “A pinky promise poop pact goes both ways. If you use your diaper, I still have to use mine. You don’t have to wait for me to go.”

“Ugh,” she groaned. “Fine. Why don’t you, uh, go on with your story. I’m still listening.”

“Right, so, this is where everything changes. So I told you about Thomas Pritchard, right? As it turns out, one of the other executives is attempting to conspire with him to expose all the baby stuff to the company’s board of directors. I guess he was hoping that the board would shut it all down and fire Ms. Heller, giving him the chance to step up and…”

Paige let out a little grunt. Her cheeks were bright red.

“Are…you okay?” I asked.

“I’m good,” she said, though the smile on her face looked incredibly fake to me. 

“Are you sure? Because you look like you’re…”

“I’m fine,” she quickly said. “Just keep going.”

“Okay, uhm… So, meanwhile, we’re all kind of panicking because we don’t know what we’ll do if Thomas actually goes through with talking to the board. So Lyndie decides that she’s going to take matters into her own hands and has a conversation with him. Mind you, nobody else knows about this. But I guess they talked and she managed to convince him that he should try wearing a…”

Paige was distracting me again, this time she was leaning forward in her seat some, her ass lifting up slightly from the couch cushion.

“Paige, are you…”

I would’ve asked if she was about to mess in her diaper, but it seemed that I didn’t actually have to ask. I was cut off by a bass-heavy rumbling noise erupting from her bottom. She let out another grunt–more of a girlish whine this time–and her face was redder than I had ever seen it before.

“Fuck,” she gasped. “I…I think it’s happening. I’m…pooping.”

It was rare that I wasn’t the one saying that, or the one in her position. I would be, soon enough, I supposed–the urgency in my own bowels was growing, on top of the fact that our pinky promise had committed me to filling my diaper up after she was done. 

“Keep…talking…” she said, letting out another little squeak as a wet squelching noise came from her diaper.

I would’ve loved to, but I was far too distracted by the show I was witnessing. I tried for a moment, but it just felt like random words were tumbling out of my mouth: “So…like. Uhm. I, er… He…”

“It’s…it’s going everywhere!” she exclaimed. 

I found some words to say, but they weren’t from the story I was telling. Instead, they were the words that were usually said to me when someone watched me filling my diaper. “Go on. You’re doing good. Get it all out.”

“Urrrrh,” she moaned, continuing to push and grunt.

I couldn’t get over how perfect of an addition Paige seemed to be to my life. She would’ve been a great assistant back at the old office. She would’ve made someone like Mommy or Ms. Beaufort quite happy. I could see her getting along with Lyndie splendidly. I could even see her being the best friend Megan needed.

Alright, alright. I’ll call Megan tomorrow.

“All done,” Paige finally said. “I think.”

She sat back again, putting her weight on her messy diaper, her eyes growing big as she felt the newly deposited mass squishing and spreading even further within the padding. The smell was just now reaching my nose, the expected rotten stench of a dirty diaper–though it was a smell that seemed unique to her bottom. I certainly wasn’t capable of identifying other big babies by the smell of their loads yet–though I had observed that everyone’s dirty diapers tended to smell different.

“Uhm…how does that feel?” I asked.

“Good,” she replied, her voice soft and a smile spreading between two very pink cheeks. “But…it’s your turn now, right?”

“A pinky promise is a pinky promise,” I shrugged. 

Truthfully, I was rather impressed by how Paige had gone about filling her diaper. There was a time when it was almost impossible for me to load a diaper unless I was in some sort of squatting position, but the repetition of the act while living with Mommy had taught me to poop in just about any position. Sitting on a cushioned surface, as we were now, had been one of the last positions I had mastered. It was tempting to get on my feet and pop a squat–maybe even giving Paige a little show of the back of my diaper expanding–but I chose to match her. 

It was, as it had been for some time, almost too easy. I put the slightest amount of pressure on my bowels, and suddenly they were releasing. My mess lacked the rippling music of Paige’s, though I more than made up for it with the sound of the soft load quickly filling the back of my diaper to capacity–the plastic backing crinkling and stretching as I fed the garment everything that was inside of me. As quickly as it started, it was over.

“Was that it?” she asked, a look of surprise on her face.

“It’s that easy.”

“A real professional, huh?”

“Oh, you have no idea. I mean…if I keep going with the story, you’ll hear all about it.”

“Hmm. I mean…I do want to hear the story. But…how the hell can I concentrate on that when I’m wearing this?” she asked, her hands pointing down to her crotch.

“You’re such a novice,” I teased. 

“What, like you’ll poop your pants and just carry on with your day?”

I laughed and shrugged. “I mean…I’ve had someone else point out that I’ve messed myself before I even realized I had done it.”

“Hashtag: baby goals. So…now what?”

“I dunno. I guess now is whatever you want. Sit there in your diaper if you want. Get changed. Crawl around.”

“We stink.”

“Yeah. The thing about diapers is…”

We both laughed again, leaning back further on the couch simultaneously.

“Are you any good at changing diapers?” she asked.

“No, not really. I mean…I’ve done it. I could do it again if I had to. But I’m not good at it.”

“I…don’t think I can handle this mess,” she laughed. “I wouldn’t know the first thing about what to do.”

“Trust me, it’s a lot easier when someone else is changing you.”

“No offense, Smelly, but I’m not sure I want you poking around my butt while it’s caked in…”

“Oh…I wasn’t volunteering,” I laughed. “I’m not any more excited about getting my own diaper changed without an extra hand or two. And I definitely wouldn’t ask you to do that.”

“So what do we do? Stay in our icky diapers for the rest of our life?”

“We can stay in them for a little bit,” I shrugged. “Sooner or later, we’ll have to do something about them though. If not for ourselves, then for society.”

“Fuck society,” Paige giggled. “From now on, Pizza Girl is Stinky Girl.”

A thought had bloomed while Paige talked about not wanting to change herself, and it continued to blossom. It might’ve been kind of crazy–but it also might have been the best two option for two babies with no desire to change themselves.

“I, uhm, might have someone who could change our diapers for us.”

She laughed. “So…I’m supposed to let some stranger poke at my dirty ass?”

“I know, I know. But, if you were going to let some stranger wipe you clean, this is the one you’d want. She loves this stuff. She’s a master at it. She’s changed, like, millions of diapers.”

“Millions?”

“She’s changed…a lot of diapers. She’s changed a lot of my diapers.”

She laughed. “This isn’t, like, your mother or something, is it?”

“Uhm…well. Not my mother. But I do call her Mommy.”

Eighty-Three

Mommy’s tone had a faux-sternness about it–a tone she’d sometimes use when she wanted to sound much more concerned than she actually was. If someone else heard it, someone who might not have known her as well as I did, they might have mistaken it for something more serious.

“I haven’t heard from you all night, Clarky.”

“I-I know. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out to you sooner, but…”

“I’m going to assume that means you’re having a good time?”

I almost laughed, though I kept myself composed. Her question may not have been funny, but the answer was. I was standing in Paige’s apartment, looking out the window while I continued to marinate in the packed-to-capacity pull-up I was wearing. Somewhere behind me, Paige was sitting on the couch, her hands currently slipped down the front of her pants as she groped at the plastic padding of her own loaded diaper.

“It’s been a good time,” I said. “But, uhm…actually, there was something I was hoping you could help me with.”

“Uh oh,” Mommy said. I could hear her smiling. “What happened? Was your pull-up not up to the task of holding whatever it was you put into it? Do you need a change of pants?”

“Well…”

Mommy snickered on the other end of the call. “How bad is it?”

“For what it’s worth, the pull-ups seem to be doing their job,” I said. Somewhere behind me, I heard Paige giggling at me. “But I’m kind of nervous about pulling my pants down and taking a closer look.”

Mommy’s voice got even more playful, sounding almost like babytalk: “Did the baby go poopy in his pants?”

I could see my face reflected in Paige’s window, and I could see my cheeks were bright red. “I…did, yeah.”

“And does your friend know?”

I laughed nervously. “Oh yeah.”

“Oh my. And how does she feel about that?”

“Well… I would say she’s pretty on board with it.”

“Is that so? Clarky, you’ve struck gold.”

“So the thing is–and the reason I’m calling you about this–she’s also wearing a…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it too loudly, even though Paige was already well aware of her current status. “...she’s also wearing a diaper.”

“Okay?” Mommy said, sounding like she was waiting for more information to be shared before making any further comment.

“And…it’s also dirty.”

Mommy laughed. “What happened over there, Clarky?”

I sighed. “I was just thinking that we could use your help.”

“And your friend, she’s okay with that?”

“I think so?” I turned around to check in on Paige, who was squeezing the bulk between her legs. “I think she’s a little apprehensive about having a stranger change her…but I think she’d rather someone else do it than have it be her problem.”

“Smart,” Mommy said. “Send me the address and I can be over in a little bit.”

“Are you sure? I’m not pulling you away from anything, am I?”

“I’ve only been waiting to hear from you, Clarky. It won’t be a problem at all. Dare I say–it might even be fun.”

Only Mommy would see the prospect of changing two stinky diapers as ‘fun.’ That was what I loved about her.

“Thank you, Mommy.”

“Always happy to help, Clarky. For as long as I can.”

It was a strange note to end the call on. It almost felt foreboding, like she was thinking ahead to a time when she might not be able to help. But, no, I didn’t think that was it. It was more likely she was referring, sort of, to what was happening right now. I was out of the house. I was with friends. I was making new connections and reclaiming my life again. Someday, I wouldn’t be living with Mommy. Someday, I wouldn’t be looking to her to fix everything that went wrong. She would if I asked–but I’d want to resolve it for myself. And I’d be able to.

There’d be plenty of time to think about that in the future. 

“So?” Paige asked from the couch. “Did you convince your, er, Mommy to come and change us smelly babies?”

“I did!”

She looked surprised by that answer. I don’t think she doubted that it was possible, but now this was actually happening–and she seemed unsure of what to think about that.

“So…she’s going to, like, change us?”

“That’s what she does.”

“Me? She’s going to change me?” She laughed, knowing she already had the answer to her question.

“If you want her to,” I shrugged. 

“Alright, well…if we’ve got a little bit before she gets here, maybe you should finish your story, huh? Or, at the very least, tell me about this woman being your ‘Mommy.’”

“Right, so…”

The story went on from where I left off. Lyndie had convinced Thomas Pritchard to wear diapers himself in an effort to show him what the ‘promotion’ he thought he was missing out on actually was. I told Paige of how that plan seemed to work at first, though it would ultimately lead to Thomas’s erratic behavior in the office. I told her of how said erratic behavior seemed to spell the end for our halcyon days of being babied at the workplace.

“Ms. Heller–though I was, uhm, pretty much exclusively calling her ‘Mommy’ at this point–told me that she was leaving the company because of the board’s decision to let Lyndie go.”

“Ah,” Paige nodded. “So when you say that Mommy is coming over tonight, that’s the Ms. Heller?”

“Exactly.”

“So…even after she left the company, you stayed in touch with her, I guess?”

“Well…after she left the company, I left the company too. And then…”

Paige’s eyes grew bigger, interested to see where I was going with this. This, I thought, might be the hardest part to explain. Maybe not? She had swallowed the fact that I wore diapers often pretty easily. Not even the revelation that I was stuck in chastity seemed to phase her all that much. But this?

“...she asked me to move in with her,” I continued.

“Oh,” she said. “Wow. So you two are, like…close?”

“Very. And, uh, it wasn’t just an invite to go and live with her. It was an invitation to go and live with her as a, uh, baby.”

Paige just stared at me, tilting her head a little. She was processing it.

I felt the need to elaborate further. “I would be a baby full-time. 24/7. Nothing but diapers. I’d crawl around. Sleep in a crib. She’d change me. Bathe me. Dress me.”

“And did you do that?” she asked. “Did you take her up on that?”

“Uh huh.”

To my relief, she was smirking a little.

I continued, feeling like I needed to get it all out now–just so that she couldn’t say, later, that I never told her. “I left my apartment and I moved in with her. I had no job. I didn’t talk to friends or family. I just…became a baby. Like, almost literally, a baby. I used nothing but diapers, and she took care of my every need. I have a nursery. She calls a babysitter when she won’t be around.

“How long ago was that?” Paige asked.

“Oh…I still live there now.”

She laughed a little. “So you’re still…”

“That was like 9 or 10 months ago,” I shrugged. It was hard to remember where everything fit on the timeline anymore. “I’m, like, in the process of ‘growing up’ again, for whatever that’s worth. I got a job again. I mean–it’s with Mommy’s new company, but it’s still responsibility. I’m going out and seeing my friends again. I met this nice girl who used to deliver pizza to me when I had my own apartment…”

“I’ve had some guys tell me some pretty crazy shit about themselves,” Paige said, sighing a little as she rocked backwards on her squishy diaper. “But that has to be the craziest.”

“You, uh, haven’t dated any other big babies, I guess?”

“In spirit, sure. But, like, literally a baby? No.”

“Well, there you have it,” I shrugged. “I think that’s everything, more or less.”

“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” she said. “I mean, I am. A little.”

“Do you, uhm, need some time to process all that?”

“I’ll be thinking about this for a while,” she laughed. “But I don’t think it’s going to change how I feel about it much.”

I couldn’t help but jump to the worst case scenario. “You think it’s too crazy, right? I’m a freak? I’m this big stupid baby who wasted all your time?”

“Woah, woah,” she said. “Clark, slow down. I mean, yeah, you’re a freak. And a big stupid baby. But you’ve never wasted any of my time. I love hanging out with you. And besides…did you forget that I’m sitting here in a messy diaper too? If you’re a freak, I’m a freak. It sounds like Ava’s a freak too–even if she’s taking a little break from it. And your friend Lyndie you were telling me about? A freak. And your Mommy? Freak. I dunno…I think that’s pretty cool.”

I sat back down on the couch again, feeling the mushy load in my diaper squishing between the padding and my skin. I had gotten, mostly, used to the lingering stench wafting through her apartment–though once in a while I’d catch a stray whiff that’d remind me of how toxic the air had become. Mommy would almost certainly have something to say about that.

“Is this the weirdest night of your life?” I asked.

Paige laughed. “It’s certainly up there.”

I decided to take that as a compliment.

Somewhere else right now, Ava and Caleb were doing adult things. Sharing a bottle of wine, maybe? Holding hands on the couch? Maybe they were already in bed. Her panties were pulled down and Caleb had his cock in his hand, ready to slip it inside of her. Or maybe…

Okay, let’s stop thinking about that.

Instead, I thought about my mushy diaper and the thickness between my thighs. I thought about the comfort of my crib, and how nice it would be if I had a baby bottle full of milk in my hands right now. 

“So what does the endgame look like for you?” Paige asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Huh?” I thought I heard her, but I needed to collect myself a little after being pulled from the more infantile headspace I had been slipping into.

“You said you were working on, like, ‘growing up.’ So…who do you want to be when you grow up?”

“I dunno,” I shrugged. “I know that’s not a good answer but I feel like I just have to go through all the steps until I figure it all out. Get a job. Use a toilet. Get back to school. Get an apartment. Then…see what happens.”

She laughed to herself. “I mean…I guess that’s not too different from any other person coming of age. Maybe the order’s a little different–toilet training usually comes before getting a job. Still, you ought to make some goals for yourself. Think big. Think ahead. Think about who you want to be whenever you get to where it is you want to go.”

“This might be too deep of a conversation while I’m wearing a poopy diaper…”

“What’s your dream job, Clark? Imagine yourself a few years from now. What would bring you joy?”

“Uh, I guess…” 

I tried to imagine myself in the future. What did that look like? Where was I? Who was I with? What did I do with my time?

Actually, you know what I really want to do?

I was thinking about writing. I’d never have the gall to call myself a ‘writer,’ but it was something I loved to do. Throughout college, I was writing all the time–mostly short stories about things like robots and men with swords. Most of it I kept to myself, and they were still sitting on some forgotten laptop–but others had been shared online, and had garnered enough interest that I felt motivated to write more. 

That hobby had been one of the sacrifices I made when my internship had become…well, something else entirely. But thinking about it now, I realized how much I missed it. I wanted to see a blank document in front of me on a laptop screen, and I wanted to put my fingers on the keyboard and just see what came out.

I even had a good idea what I might write about. Something a little more autobiographical than what I had written about in the past. 

But was writing a career? Could someone just, one day, say: “You know what? I think I’m a writer now,” and suddenly be thrust into their dream job? No, probably not. But it was a goal. It was something I could work towards. It was a goal post that I could plant in my future and start directing myself towards.

“I’m still figuring it out,” I said, realizing that I had left Paige hanging. I wanted to tell her about writing, but it felt like too big of a goal to just throw out there before I had even taken a baby step towards accomplishing it. “But…I’m really glad you asked me those questions. Sometimes it really helps to be reminded that I need to think about those sorts of things.”

“Of course,” she said, rubbing my thigh.

“What about you?” I asked. “Where do you want to be in the future?”

Paige’s cheeks got a little more pink as her hand retracted to her side. She almost seemed to shrink a little–or at least she compacted herself into a smaller space.

“That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?” she asked. “I’m lousy with relationships. I’m still delivering pizzas for a living. I live in my cousin’s apartment. I’m a big bum. Hell, you could even argue that I’ve somehow regressed now that I’m obsessed with, uh, diapers.”

“Messy diapers don’t exactly make us look like the most forward-thinking adults ever…”

She smiled and shrugged it off before continuing. “Most days, I tell myself that I don’t care. Maybe I don’t, or maybe there’s a part of me that just hopes that someday something’ll click and I’ll have it all figured out. Probably shouldn’t hold my breath though.”

“Well? What’s your, uh, dream job?” To borrow the question she asked me: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“You know what I’d like to do? I’d like to make food instead of delivering it.”

“Ooh, a chef?”

“Yessir. I want to be one of those chefs you see on TV who act like rockstars and whose ass everyone wants to kiss.”

“I love that idea. And what kind of food would you make?”

“I bet you could guess.”

“Pizza?”

“Bingo.”

A few minutes later, my phone vibrated. Instinctively, my heart began to pound in my chest. That would be Mommy. She was here.

Mommy: “I’m here to take care of some big babies.”

“Is that her?” Paige asked.

I nodded.

“Is she mean?”

I laughed and shook my head. “Not at all. Not unless you want her to be mean.”

“She’ll…change me? She won’t just laugh at me and ignore me?”

“You’re in good hands. I promise.”

We almost left the apartment to walk down to the street and guide Mommy up to Paige’s apartment, but all it took was Paige gently putting her hand on my swampy bottom as I began to stand to remind me that it probably wasn’t a good idea. Instead, Paige dictated the directions to her apartment and I texted them to Mommy. 

Moments later, there was a knock at the door.

It was the most sheepish I had ever seen Paige look before. She practically tiptoed to the front door–though it was also possible she was just trying hard not to disturb the contents of her diaper too much. She sighed, readied herself, and slowly opened the door.

“Good evening,” Mommy said, that familiar warm smile on her face. “You must be Paige?”

“Y-yes,” Paige answered. “Please come in.” It was surreal to hear Paige like this–nervous and a little timid.

“I was told there were some babies here in need of a little help,” Mommy said as she stepped through the threshold, the door closing behind her. She had a quilted green duffle bag at her side–a diaper bag she had taken on many of the excursions she and I had been on before. “And, well, it certainly smells like there’s some helpless babies in here.”

I quickly galloped across the living area so that I could give Mommy a hug. I almost stopped myself from being so obviously infantile in Mommy’s presence, but I saw no reason to hide this part of myself now.

“Thank you for coming,” I said to her.

She ruffled my hair with her hand and kissed the top of my head. “Of course. I could never leave a baby–babies–in need behind. Miss Paige? It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Uh…likewise. Clark has told me a lot about you.”

Most of that she had just learned tonight, but that didn’t have to be said.

“Oh, uhm…” I felt like I had missed my queue to introduce the two. “Paige, this is, uhm, Ms. Heller. Gabrielle Heller. Uh…I just call her ‘Mommy.’ And, Mommy, this is Paige.”

“I’d love to spend some more time talking to you,” Mommy said, waving her hand in front of her face. “But, maybe it’d be best if we took care of some dirty diapers first?”

“Yes,” I said. “Please.”

“We can do this, uhm, in my bedroom if you want,” Paige shrugged. “On my bed. Or, right here if you’d rather.”

“Here is good,” Mommy said, motioning towards the open floor between the TV and the couch. “You’ve already polluted this room–I see no reason to stink up your bedroom too. The smell of a dirty diaper–and two of them at that–can linger for a while.”

“So,” Paige said, glancing between the diaper bag and the vacant space on the floor. “Should we just…”

“If you’d both be so kind as to lie down on the floor, we can get these stinky bottoms freshened up. Just follow Clarky’s lead–he’s a bit of an expert on getting his bottom changed, in case you didn’t already know.”

Paige finally cracked, letting out a little giggle as her eyes found mine.

“Laugh it up,” I said, easing myself onto the cool hardwood floor of Paige’s cousin’s apartment. “You’re getting your diaper changed too.”

“Credit where credit is due,” Mommy said, putting the diaper bag on the couch and opening it up. “I imagined that when I came through the door, I’d find the both of you wearing only diapers. And yet you both seem to remain fully clothed.”

“Honestly, I’ve been afraid to,” Paige said. “I’m not sure I’d like what I saw.”

“Ah, see?” Mommy said, pulling two fresh diapers from the bag. “That’s why I’m here. I’ll deal with whatever mess you’ve made so that you don’t have to.”

Paige followed my example, easing herself down to the floor horizontally. I watched her face wince a little as her squishy bottom made contact with the floor.

“Paige?” Mommy asked. “Would you like to be first?”

“Uhm…” She considered this for a moment or two. “No. I think you should change Clark first. I-if it’s okay that I watch…”

“Of course,” Mommy said. “Clarky? I assume you have no objection to that?”

I sighed and shook my head. I felt that classic feeling of humiliation wash over me. How about that–Paige’s first time seeing me without pants on and I was getting my diaper changed? She’d see the pull-up. The chastity. My mess. Well…it’d be interesting to see if she stuck around in my life after this.

Right now, Ava’s on her back too. She’s moaning as an actual man pleasures her.

Meanwhile, Mommy was pulling my pants down my legs, revealing my pull-ups. I couldn’t see what they looked like from my vantage point, but I could see Paige’s face. I watched as she smiled and blushed at the sight. In an almost-whisper, she said: “They’re so…brown.”

Well, they didn’t start brown.

“I’m not going to risk getting any of your icky mess on this beautiful floor,” Mommy said to me, her hand rubbing the front of my pull-up. “So I won’t be pulling these down like they were big-boy pants. But I do believe I can do this…”

She grabbed the side of the pull-up with both hands and tore, easily ripping through the thin cloth strips that held the front and back together. She then did the same on the other side. Now, the pull-up was really no different than an unfastened diaper. With just a tug, she pulled the front of the diaper down between my legs, exposing everything. There was the mess I had made. There was my useless cock, trapped in a metal cage.

And there was Paige, giggling at the whole scene.

“You’d think that Clark would be used to having his little messes exposed to people,” Mommy said. “It’s certainly happened enough. And yet, every single time, he’s still got that nervous little look on his face. It’s really the cutest thing, isn’t it?”

Paige nodded and smiled. “Yeah.”

I quickly decided that I couldn’t watch Paige’s face while Mommy wiped me clean. Her little smirks and giggles were too much for me, and I just couldn’t fathom the kind of judging she was doing as the show went on. I stared up at the ceiling instead.

“So, how did it come to be that both of you managed to fill your diapers? Was it some sort of dare?”

“A pact,” Paige said. “A pinky promise, actually. If, uhm, one of us went, the other would have to.”

“Ah,” Mommy said. “And how soon after that did Clark go and make this mess.”

“Actually, he, uh, kept his pull-up pretty clean up to that point,” Paige said. “And then I’m the one who went first. He probably only used his diaper because I did.”

That was mostly true, though if Paige hadn’t pushed a load into the back of her diaper, I probably would’ve befouled my pull-up sooner or later anyway.

Mommy laughed. “Is my baby a bad influence on you?”

“No,” Paige said. “If anything, he’s been a pretty good influence.”

“So is it safe to assume the ‘date’ portion of this evening went well then?”

I swallowed hard, nervous to hear how Paige would answer that.

“I had a good time tonight…” she said. There was some hesitancy in her voice. And if I could hear it, I was sure Mommy could too.

“But?”

“Well…maybe it wasn’t a date, per se,” Paige shrugged. 

I sighed. Maybe, in another universe, it could’ve been a date. I supposed I put a damper on any romantic possibilities when I continued to be so hung up on Ava. 

“I see,” Mommy said, dragging another damp wipe across my skin. I was sure she had more questions about the situation, but she wasn’t going to put Paige on the spot like that. Instead, she’d probably wait until later, when it was just her and I, to ask them.

The dirty diaper and the copious number of wipes needed to clean off my skin were hauled away. I watched her bundle the diaper nice and tight and set it aside.

“I use a good amount of baby powder when I change Clark,” Mommy said. “Can never be too careful when it comes to rashes. Miss Paige, should I use powder when I get to your bottom?”

“Uhm…do whatever you do to Clark,” she said. “I mean…short of chastity, of course.”

Mommy laughed and nodded. “Noted.”

The expert that Mommy was, a new diaper was unfurled, flattened, and slid under me in what felt like a few seconds. She dusted everything with a thick layer of powder before the front of the diaper was pulled up through my legs. It was only at this point that I realized I was getting a diaper and not another pull-up. Had I failed to show her that I was ready for pull-ups? Or did she only have diapers in the bag?

“All done. Be a good boy and slide back into your pants again for me, Baby. I’m going to take care of Miss Paige now.”

“Y-yes, Mommy.”

Paige giggled at the normalcy of our interactions, though abruptly stopped when she felt Mommy’s hands on her pants.

“I’m going to take these off of you, Miss Paige. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” she said. “Whatever you have to do.”

“Clark,” Mommy said to me as she pulled Paige’s tight pants down her legs. “You didn’t tell me your new friend was also in diapers.”

“Well,” Paige interjected. “Once again, I’d say Clark has been a good influence on me.”

Mommy smiled at this, though she didn’t have anything to say in response. Instead, after Paige’s pants were pulled off and cast aside, Mommy positioned herself between Paige’s legs and went in for a closer inspection of her diaper.

By this time, I was sitting up and reaching for my pants. I told myself I was going to be respectful and try not to watch Paige getting her diaper changed–but I just couldn’t help myself. I turned my head, if only to see what Paige’s filthy diaper looked like, now that it was free of the pants that had imprisoned it all night.

I saw the same thing Mommy did, it seemed. Brown. It wasn’t just the distorted yellowish-brown color of the padding between her legs–it was the color of the filth that had managed to creep out from the diaper’s leg bands and down her thighs.

“Oh my,” Mommy said. “My dear, I’m afraid you had a little bit of a blowout.”

“A…blowout?”

“Some of the contents of your diaper seemed to have escaped.” Mommy reached over and grabbed Paige’s pants again, looking inside of them. Judging by the frown on her face, she didn’t love what she saw. “Miss Paige, these pants are going to need a very thorough washing.”

“Ugh.”

“I can help with that, of course.”

“No, no,” Paige said. “I, uh, can’t ask you to…wash my pants for me.”

“Nonsense,” Mommy said. “I do this all the time. Well, no, I don’t. But I have a very good maid, Marnie, who takes care of things like this for me. I’ve seen her rescue countless numbers of Clark’s onesies that I probably would’ve just thrown out. I’ll have her work her magic on these and then I’ll have Clark return them to you.”

“Well…” Paige laughed and nodded. “If the stain is that bad, I probably would just throw them out. If you think they can be saved, maybe I will let you take them home with you.”

“Good call. Now then, let’s see what’s going on inside this diaper.”

My eyes lingered on Paige a moment longer–long enough so that I could see Paige was looking right back at me. Did she want me to watch, or was she hoping that I would look away? I decided to just guess, opting to give her a little extra privacy. I stood up and waddled away, stepping into my pants again as I did. I was in the room still, but I busied myself with looking around the apartment–basically looking at anything that wasn’t her.

My pants didn’t fit as well with the diaper on as they did with the pull-up. To be expected, I supposed, though it felt a little like a demotion.

Behind me, I could hear the tapes being pulled from Paige’s diaper. I stared at a photo of who I presumed to be Paige’s cousin, holding a bass guitar with an enormous smile on her face. Wait, was that…Dave Grohl? Jeez. I almost felt honored, myself, to just be in the room of the cousin of someone who had met him.

“You squirm too much,” Mommy said to Paige. “Lie still, little girl. It’ll make this a lot easier.”

I couldn’t see the expression on Paige’s face, but I could certainly hear her reaction, a tiny “Buh…” She sounded embarrassed, but she also sounded hungry for more.

The package of wipes was being opened now, and moments later, I could hear Paige letting out a little whimper. Yeah, the feeling of a cool wet wipe on your skin will do that to you. Except, Paige’s little moans and whimpers persisted. I was tempted to look back and see for myself, but I kept my eyes diverted–it felt like the right thing to do. It sounded like Paige was getting some thrills from the feeling of Mommy’s hand wiping her private areas clean.

“See?” Mommy cooed to her. “Isn’t this much better when you aren’t a little wiggle-worm?”

“This is, uhm, good…” Paige said softly. A moment later, she added: “You do this for Clark everyday?”

“Every diaper,” Mommy said.

“Yeah, okay,” Paige said. “That makes sense. If I got treated like this all the time, I’d want to be a big baby forever too.”

I felt my cheeks blushing while Mommy laughed to herself. This was probably the best case scenario, all things considered. Paige was not only okay with my lifestyle, but she might even be coveting it.

“Have you ever slept in a nursery before?” Mommy asked. I could hear her balling up the old diaper now, before grabbing the fresh one to unfold it between Paige’s legs.

“Uh, not recently,” Paige chuckled.

“Would you like to?”

My eyes widened.

“R-really?”

“Well, I should probably get that big baby home soon,” Mommy said, likely pointing at me. “You’re welcome to join us if you’d like.”

“Oh, gosh,” Paige said. “I…dunno. Wouldn’t that be weird? And, I mean, I have work tomorrow and…”

“I’ll get you to wherever you need to go,” Mommy said. “And it doesn’t have to be weird. But I see a little baby girl in front of me, and I can’t bring myself to leave her behind tonight. I’d love it if you joined us.”

The diaper’s tapes were being pulled open now, and the fresh padding was being secured around Paige’s bottom. I felt like I could look now, so I spun around. What I saw was Paige looking up at Mommy with a big smile on her face. “Y-yes, please,” she said. “I’d love that.”

[D503]

Nice update! Love seeing the Paige arc.

[quietlyhumiliated]

This is probably the last two-for-one post, unless I fall behind in posting again. But here ya go, two more chapters! Enjoy!

Eighty-Four 

I hadn’t said anything to Mommy about it yet, but waking up in a crib was starting to feel more and more awkward. I liked my crib–I’d go as far as to say that it was the most comfortable bed I ever had. But as I slowly crawled my way back into adulthood, it was starting to feel a little jarring when I woke up in a thick diaper, surrounded by the crib’s wooden bars.

There was a time, not that long ago, when Mommy would come to my crib and wake me with a light shake and by cooing in my ear. Then, even more recently, I found myself waking up a little earlier than when she’d come to the nursery. I’d feign sleeping until she tried to summon me awake, when I’d play along. Mommy probably knew I wasn’t actually sleeping–she tends to know these sorts of things. 

More recently, I found myself waking up in the crib early in the morning with a need to get my day started before Mommy enters the nursery. 

The sun was just barely peeking through the shades when I woke. I could only guess at what time it was, but I’d have estimated it to be somewhere between 6 and 7. I got to my knees and unlatched the side of the crib myself. I was still unsure how Mommy felt about it when I let myself out of the crib, but she had yet to complain about it which I took to mean that it was acceptable.

In the center of the nursery was one of my playpens. Usually, this one was in the living room, facing the television. I had soiled many a diaper in that thing while watching cartoon animals talking to each other. It had fallen out of use in the last few weeks, and at one point Mommy–or perhaps Marnie–had folded it up and stored it away. It was back now, with a pile of blankets and pillows laid out in the bottom of it. Lying within those blankets was Paige, still fast asleep. Only her head was poking out from the comfortable-looking mound, and she looked immensely content. I tiptoed past her, out of the nursery, and through the house to the kitchen. 

About halfway there, the smell of freshly made coffee filled my nostrils, pulling me the rest of the way. It was at about this point that I realized I was still only wearing a diaper and my onesie. Just the thought of Paige seeing me in this getup made my cheeks blush–though, by now, she had seen much worse.

“Look at this early bird,” Mommy said, stirring some sort of tan-colored batter in a large mixing bowl.

“Good morning, Mommy.”

“How did you sleep?”

I nodded. “Well.”

“And Miss Paige?”

“She’s still fast asleep. Looking pretty cozy too.”

Mommy smiled and nodded. “I was making some pancakes. I’m assuming she likes pancakes…”

“Everyone likes pancakes.”

She smiled, setting down the bowl of batter. “First things first, Baby. You know the drill. Let’s check on that diaper of yours.”

She stepped towards me, working her practiced fingers between the cloth of the onesie and my diaper to feel around. I felt my cheeks warm–this would never not be completely normal. Especially so while Paige was somewhere under the same roof.

“A little damp,” she said. “But mostly dry. I’m impressed.”

“It, uhm, might be wetter soon.”

Mommy smiled, picking up the bowl again to stir its contents. “I made coffee.” She motioned towards the coffee maker. “If you’re feeling like a big boy this morning.”

“I can’t be a baby who happens to like coffee?”

She shrugged. “Believe it or not, Clarky, you look a little more mature with each passing morning.”

I sighed, a little unsure of how to feel about that. I supposed it was a good thing, since that was what I was putting so much energy into–but it was also kind of sad. An era–an absolutely amazing era–was slowly coming to an end, it seemed.

“Well, the good news is that you can probably just adopt Paige,” I said. “She’d be a good baby.”

“She would,” Mommy said, setting aside the bowl of batter so she could turn the griddle on. “And I’ll admit that I’m tickled to have a baby girl in the house. But…”

I expected only a momentary pause before she picked up where she left off, but instead, she just dropped some butter on the griddle and remained silent.

“But?” I asked, curious to see where she was going with that.

She smiled and sighed. “Things are changing, Clarky. You’re changing. I’m changing too.”

“H-how are you changing?”

“I haven’t changed yet,” she shrugged. “But it’s about time I start thinking about what’s next, right? Just like you are? 

“Yeah. I guess that’s true. Do you think you’ll, like, have another assistant? Another baby?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so. Never say never, of course–the future tends to be unpredictable. But I think I’m ready for a change of pace.”

I thought back to the night I overheard Mommy on the phone with Ms. Beaufort. Mommy had  almost been in tears as she confessed that she didn’t know what she’d do with herself after I was gone. I dwelled on that conversation from time to time, wondering if there was anything I could do to help her. I still had no suggestions to offer.

“What would a change of pace look like?” I asked.

“I intend to find myself, Clark. Does that sound silly for someone my age to say?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Not at all.”

She smiled, sidling up to me so that she could kiss my cheek. “Thank you. I needed to hear that. I don’t know what ‘finding myself’ entails just yet, of course. But we’ve all got to start somewhere, and…”

I expected her to trail off again, and to leave that statement unfinished. But after she dropped a few dollops of batter onto the hot griddle–the hot butter crackling–she turned to me again.

“...well, I do have some news for you,” she said.

“Oh?”

“I’m going out tonight.”

For a moment, this didn’t phase me much–Mommy was out of the house frequently. Nights out with Ms. Beaufort. Nights out for business reasons. Nights out for errands. But there was something in her tone that suggested this was different.

“What are you doing tonight?” I asked.

“Well…Neve has been pushing me to get out and, you know, explore…”

I shrugged, not sure what that meant. 

Her back turned to me while she flipped her pancakes over. “She set me up on a date, Clarky.”

My eyes grew wide. “Oh. I…I didn’t know that you were…”

“Dating hasn’t been something I’ve put much energy into the last few years,” she shrugged. “Neve thinks it's time to change that, though. She’s found this man who she thinks is a good match. I’ve been trying to duck her attempts at setting us up on a date for a while, but I finally had to cave and let it happen.”

I wasn’t really sure how I felt about this. I knew it’d have been silly to be upset by this news–Mommy was probably the most important person in my life, though that still didn’t make her my partner, nor had it ever restricted her from seeing other men. This was just new.

“Don’t worry,” she continued. “I’m not bringing him home with me. He’s not going to be changing your diapers, and you’re not going to have to call him ‘Daddy.’ It’s just a date. And I might not even like him all that much.”

Daddy. I had to admit, that sounded kind of fun. What would it be like to have a ‘Daddy?’

“Maybe Ms. Beaufort is right,” I said. “Maybe this will be good for you. Do you, like, know anything about the guy she is setting you up with?”

“His name is Andrew,” she shrugged. “Apparently he’s a very important fellow in a company that helps to finance movies.”

“Have you seen his picture?”

She grabbed her phone from the counter and pulled up a photo with a few swipes of her fingers before handing it to me. “Give me your honest opinion,” she said, before returning to the griddle to remove the first batch of pancakes and to start the second.

Andrew was a handsome man. In the photo, he had some black and gray stubble on his face that matched his mostly dark-brown hair–again, streaked with little lines of gray that gave away his age. He looked strong. The way his lips were curved into just the slightest smile–I was sure that could melt some panties.

Mature. That was the word that kept popping into my mind as I looked into this man’s eyes. While we may have been taught that we shouldn’t judge books by their covers, I still felt sure that I could imagine what this man might be like in real life just by looking at his photo. He had a firm grip. A calm and measured tone. And he’d look down at me and smile if he saw me crawling around in my diaper.

“A-are you going to tell him about…”

“No,” Mommy said. “And if I do, it won’t be tonight. I’d need to be absolutely sure I can trust him before I spring any of this on him.”

“Do you trust Paige?” I asked, thinking about our guest now.

“That’s different,” she smiled. “You trust her, and that’s good enough for me.”

“So, wait…” I was all over the place, as per usual, trying to make heads or tails of all the thoughts that were swarming my brain. “...you’re going on a date tonight?”

“A little last minute, yes–but that’s the plan. I agreed to it last night. I was hoping we’d meet a week or two from now, but alas, our schedules didn’t have as much overlap as we would’ve liked. Will you be okay here by yourself? Or…should I call Courtney.”

“Courtney?” another voice asked.

Mommy and I both spun around to see that Paige was in the doorway to the kitchen. She was still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, and her hair looked like an elaborate bird’s nest. She was still wearing what she went to bed in the night before–a thick diaper and a t-shirt. Her white diaper–completely exposed–sagged between her legs, the padding looking saturated and stained yellow.

“Rise and shine, Miss Paige,” Mommy said, flipping the next batch of finished pancakes. “Sleep well?”

“I…uhm…” Paige laughed and ran a hand through her messy hair. “Is it weird to say that was the best night of sleep I had gotten in months?”

“I get that,” I said. “I always sleep like a, er…baby when I’m in the nursery.”

Both women giggled a little, though Paige at least nodded like she understood what I meant.

“You do like pancakes, yes?” Mommy asked.

“I’ll eat anything that I didn’t have to make myself,” she answered. “And, of course I love pancakes.”

“Clarky,” Mommy said, ladling some more batter onto the hot griddle, “I put two baby bottles of orange juice in the fridge. Could you grab them and put them on the table? I’m sure you can guess which two of us they’re for.”

“Y-yes, Mommy,” I said. I could remember a time when I would’ve been embarrassed to call her ‘Mommy’ in the presence of someone else. It didn’t really faze me much these days.

“Courtney,” Mommy said to Paige, finally answering her initial query, “is Clark’s babysitter. I’m going out tonight, so I was wondering if he might need one or not.”

“When you say ‘babysitter,’ you mean someone who’s actually going to come and…”

“Courtney does it all,” Mommy said. “From feeding, to bathtime, to diaper changes. Isn’t that right, Clarky?”

“Y-yes,” I muttered, grabbing the bottles out of the fridge.

“Well if you need someone to watch over him,” Paige shrugged. “Maybe after work today I could…”

“No offense, Miss Paige, but after seeing the state of the diaper I met you in last night, I’d say you could use a babysitter just as much as he could.”

Paige looks especially cute when she blushes.

“Clarky, I’ll leave it up to you if you want a babysitter tonight or not.”

“Uhm, does it have to be Courtney?”

Mommy smirked. “Oh? Would you rather I call Ava and see if she’s around?”

Paige’s eyebrows raised curiously. “Is Ava a babysitter too?”

“She filled in once. I assume you know that she was a…”

“Yes,” I chimed in, my cheeks good and red. “She knows Ava used to wear diapers.”

Paige grinned at me. “No wonder you like her so much. Both baby and babysitter. That’s versatility right there.”

Mommy shot me a look. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to–the expression on her face, alone, said: “Ava? Let’s talk about that later?”

I hoped that my face’s response read: “Good idea.”

“I won’t call a babysitter if you don’t think you need one,” Mommy said to me.

“I could see if Lyndie wants to come over,” I said, thinking that might be the middle-ground between having a babysitter and a friend come over.

“That works for me,” Mommy nodded.

“And, uh, Paige,” I said. "If you weren’t doing anything after work–I’d love for you to meet my friend Lyndie.”

Mommy smiled. “It’s starting to sound like you’re throwing a baby party in my absence, Clark.

“Oh, I dunno,” Paige shrugged. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome…”

“Nonsense,” Mommy said to her. “If you’re in diapers, you belong here.” She playfully swatted at Paige’s padded bottom, her hand connecting with the dense diaper. 

Paige smiled, looking like a little girl who was just told she was going to Disney World.

I wanted to crawl inside of Paige’s head and look around it. I wanted to see the world as she did. Her time in diapers was briefer than mine–but maybe not by all that much. And, up until now, it sounded as if it had been a mostly solitary venture. It must have been so exciting for her to have this new world open up before her. 

“Now then,” Mommy said to Paige, her eyes fixed on the yellow stain of her diaper. “Should I change your diaper before or after breakfast?”

“Th-there’s not a wrong answer to that, is there?” Paige asked.

“Of course not, dear.”

I saw that pained expression of indecisiveness on her face. She wanted to have her diaper changed again. She also wanted to sit at the table in her soggy diaper.

“Just sit down,” Mommy said in a soft and friendly tone. “We can change you after.”

Paige sighed with relief, doing just as Mommy suggested. It seemed safe to say that Paige was in love with Mommy. Well, at the very least, in love with the concept of Mommy–she had needed someone to be in charge. And Mommy was very good at that. Too, Mommy seemed to like Paige’s presence. Paige wasn’t only a girl, but a curious and naive newborn to this kinky world–which almost certainly made her Mommy’s type.

Breakfast was as good as I hoped it would be. The conversation was minimal–the still-sleepy Paige was still fully reactivating, while I was too busy shoveling bites of fluffy pancakes into my mouth. I enjoyed the silence, though; it made the moment feel almost…normal. It reminded me of being a teenager and eating breakfast with my mother. We didn’t have to say much of anything–and most days we didn’t. But, in hindsight, I missed those mornings of both of us being in the same place at the same time, just doing something mundane like eating a meal.

This is my family. Mommy, me, and a small cast of other weirdos who came and went from my life. Today, it was Paige. Maybe tomorrow it’d be Lyndie. Or Ava. Or Ms. Beaufort.

“Shall I leave it to you to call Lyndie?” Mommy finally asked, waiting for me to have completely finished my breakfast.

“I can, yes,” I nodded.

“Excellent. And Miss Paige?”

“Y-yeth?” Paige asked, still chewing one of her last bites.

“After breakfast, how about we get you into a fresh diaper and then dressed. I made an appointment downtown to get my hair done for tonight, so I can drop you off wherever you need to go on my way.”

“Thank you,” Paige nodded. “I really appreciate that. And…thank you, again, for having me over last night. I had no idea I needed all, uh, you know…this in my life.”

“Of course,” Mommy smiled. “And I do mean it when I say you’re welcome back any time.”

I wasn’t privy to Paige’s diaper change after breakfast. Maybe I would’ve been invited if I had asked, but it seemed like the right thing to do to let her have some privacy. This didn’t stop my imagination, of course. In Mommy and Paige’s absence, I tried to imagine what might be occurring up in the nursery. I pictured Mommy’s slender fingers guiding a damp wipe over Paige’s labia–causing Paige to moan as her back arched. I could almost hear Mommy cooing to her: “Did this little girl make her pee-pees in her diaper?”

I bit my bottom lip and let my hand snake between my legs, groping my own diaper as I released a heavy stream into it. My cock, as it always had, strained within the confines of my chastity. I groaned and squeezed my diaper a little harder, feeling the warm moisture squish and spread to dryer areas of padding.

Lyndie. I needed to talk to Lyndie. I needed to tell her about my lingering feelings for Ava, and about the confusing place I had found myself with Paige. I needed my big sister. I grabbed my phone and quickly fired off a text to her.

Me: “You’re not doing anything tonight, are you?”

The seconds ticked by slowly as I waited for a reply, with each feeling like an entire minute. When there wasn’t an immediate response, my eyes glanced up to the hallway, waiting to see if Mommy and Paige would return. Then, when I didn’t see them coming, I’d look back down at the phone. Back and forth. Back and forth. Just waiting for something to happen.

Lyndie: “Why? Do you need a babysitter?”

I just about spat out my mouthful of orange juice. Lucky guess? Or had Mommy already reached out to her.

Me: “Actually…maybe?”
Lyndie: “Oh, I was just joking, LOL. But if you need someone to come by later and keep an eye on your diaper, I’d be fine with that.”
Me: “Mommy’s going out on a date tonight.”
Lyndie: “Finally. With that Andrew guy, right?”
Me: “You knew about him??”
Lyndie: “She and I talk, you know. Probably more than you and I do.”

That didn’t actually surprise me. Between them both working at the office together all week, and god-knows how many conversations via text, I’m sure Lyndie was more up to date with the inner-workings of Mommy’s life than I was. 

Me: “So you’ll come tonight?”
Lyndie: “I’ll be there with bells on. Though…would it be okay if I brought a friend?”
Me: “Someone I know?”
Lyndie: “I just meant Ava, silly. I just told her that I was going to your place tonight and she asked if she could tag along.”
Me: “So…don’t tell her I asked this, but.”
Me: “She’s not going to bring Caleb with her, is she?”
Lyndie: “LOL”
Lyndie: “No, Clark.”
Me: “I’m glad she’s coming.” I regretted now, asking about Caleb. I should’ve just left his name out of the conversation. Though, I probably needed to divulge another fact:
Me: “Paige is probably going to come over too, after she finishes work.”
Lyndie: “Ah yes, Pizza Girl? Your new girlfriend?”
Me: “She’s not my girlfriend.”
Lyndie: “Not yet?”
Me: “I don’t know if…ever? It’s complicated. It’s part of why I wanted you to come over tonight.”
Lyndie: “Ah, I see. Well, I could always tell Ava to stay home tonight if you want some one-on-one time to talk before Paige comes over.”
Me: “No, no, it’s fine. Bring Ava. It’ll be nice to have the both of you over.”
Lyndie: “Okay. But, hey, if you think there’s anything I should know before I come over tonight, just text it to me.”

Yeah, that sounded good. I wanted Lyndie to know everything, and I wanted to hear her analysis of it. Was I being stupid to still be so attached to Ava? Had I ruined a really good opportunity with Paige by letting her see the way I stared at Ava?

I began to type out the recent events of my life, but paused when I saw shadows bouncing down the hallway towards me, accompanied by the voices of Mommy and Paige.

“...is that so?” Mommy was asking. “And they’re on the radio and everything?”

“Uh huh. I mean…they’re not huge yet. But they’re slowly making a name for themselves. They were on some late-night cable talk show a few weeks ago.”

I always loved listening in on conversations between Mommy and someone else. I never tired of hearing how engaged she could sound. I always expected powerful corporate-types like her to be dismissive of small talk. They’d be too busy. Too important. Heaven knows there were plenty of uptight people in suits at the old office who wouldn’t give anyone the time of day. But in my experience, Mommy was different. She always listened, and she was a damn good listener. She treated every conversation like it was the most important thing in that moment, and never once had I walked away from her feeling like I had wasted her time.

And I probably wasn’t the only person who needed that. Paige, too. She was in a bubble of her own–a different bubble than mine–but a bubble nonetheless. 

“Well, what do you think?” Mommy finally asked Paige. “Ready to hit the road?”

“Ready whenever you are,” she answered.

“Clarky, I won’t be gone too long. I trust you’ll be okay by yourself for a little bit? You’re welcome to come with me, of course. I can crack a window for you in the car while I’m getting my hair done.” She was teasing me, but I had no doubt that she also meant that. Paige was giggling somewhere behind her.

“I’ll be okay,” I said.

“Did you reach out to Lyndie?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “She said she can come over tonight.” I almost added that Ava was going to join her, but I worried that would dissuade Paige from coming back over.

Though… Did I want Ava and Paige to be in the same place at the same time again?

“I’m looking forward to meeting her,” Paige chirped. “Y-you’re sure I can come over? I don’t want to be barging into something I’m not supposed to be a part of.”

Mommy chuckled. “Of course. The more, the merrier. Do you have any friends you’d like to bring along?”

I was pretty sure that was a joke too, but my cheeks reddened anyway.

“I wish,” Paige answered. “A little baby party? That’d be fun.”

Mommy winked at me as she walked past–maybe just a reminder that all the teasing was all in good fun. Or, maybe, it was a signal that if I wanted to throw a ‘little baby party,’ I had her blessing.

Certainly tempting. But who else would I even invite?

Actually, I could think of one other person who might enjoy themselves in a situation like that.

At the door, Paige gave me a tight hug. “I’ll see you later. Fingers crossed.”

Mommy was next out the door, giving me a wet kiss on the lips that caused my cock to feel tight in its cage. “I’ll be back soon,” she said. “Be good.”

“Of course.”

She smirked at me, running the back of her hand over my face before closing the door behind her. With so little effort, she still had a way of getting me completely worked up. Were I unlocked, my shaft would be in my hand, and I’d be squirting into my diaper in less than a minute. 

Soon. Hopefully.

I return to my phone and scroll through my list of contacts until I see the name I’m looking for. It feels like a longshot that she’d be willing to drop by tonight, but if nothing else, it might be a good opportunity to finally start reconnecting.

I tap on Megan’s name and quickly type out a message for her: “Hi. Long time no see. Hey…I know this is going to sound crazy. But I was wondering if you might be interested in hanging out tonight with me and some friends.”

I deleted almost all of the message. Would she be offended that I had made time to reconnect with other friends, but not her?

Start small. My new message was much simpler: “Hey, Megan. Long time no talk. I miss you.”

I sent the text.

I set aside my phone again, knowing I’d just drive myself crazy if I just stared at it until Megan responded.

Besides, I had other things to think about. My manhood was still engorged–or, at least, it was as full as it was going to get while locked up–and I wanted to sit down and slide a hand into the front of my diaper. There wasn’t much I could do with the thing, but the idea of fondling myself while daydreaming about the company I’d have tonight felt necessary.

Lyndie. Ava. Paige. Myself. All in the same place at the same time? That was going to be trouble, wasn’t it?

No, no. We’ll all behave ourselves. We’ll sit in a circle and just talk. It’ll be a nice, chill, evening.

My hand wrapped around my cage and I squeezed it, feeling my cock straining within. There was no part of me that believed that.

 

Eighty-Five

“Could you even imagine?” Mommy said, her hand playfully shaking my caged manhood. “If I unlocked you tonight? With Lyndie and Paige coming over? You’d probably be cumming into your padding every ten seconds.”

She was probably right about that. Especially since…

“Uhm…I think Ava is coming too? Lyndie said she might tag along.”

Mommy’s eyes lit up and a big smile spread across her face as she ran a baby wipe across my thighs. 

Diaper changes, it seemed, were when Mommy and I had our best conversations.

“So…about that, Baby. Ava and Paige? Is there a little…triangle forming?”

“I don’t think so,” I shrugged. “I think I’ve managed to hit a brick wall with both of them. Ava’s, you know, in a relationship. And Paige knows I’m still ga-ga for Ava, so…I don’t think that’s going to go anywhere.”

“Quite the pickle,” Mommy cooed. “Not that I’d expect anything less from you.”

“Yeah…”

“Don’t stress yourself too much, Clarky. You’re still getting your diapers changed for you. Maybe you don’t need to commit to any sort of relationship right now.”

“I…I know. But…”

Mommy sighed and smiled. “I know, I know. The heart wants what the heart wants. You may still be flooding your diapers, but we can’t always easily pretend you aren’t a young man who’s finding his place in this world.” She paused for a moment, seemed to mull something over, and then smiled. “What do you need from me?”

I never forgot that I loved Mommy, but it was times like this that I was reminded just how much I loved her. I wasn’t sure that I knew how to answer her question, but I liked that she asked it.

“Do you have a magic wand?” I asked. “One that you could wave and just…magically have everything make sense?”

“If I had magical powers, just think of the things that I’d do to you.”

I’d love to see that.

“But…” she continued. “I do have a magic wand. It’s not quite the same thing as what you were imagining, but I think you’ll appreciate it nonetheless.”

I was about to ask what she meant by that when I saw her reach under the changing table, and a new mechanical humming sound filled the room. Ohh. I knew that sound. She revealed the so-called ‘personal massager’–it’s wide white tip vibrating so fast that it looked like a blur. Almost instinctively, my mouth began creating extra saliva that leaked out the side of my mouth.

“What do you think?” she asked. “Will this help with anything?”

“Uhm…it might.”

Her right hand brought the tip to my inner-thigh, letting the intense vibrations pulse up my body. Slowly, she guided it towards my crotch. I let out a long and steady moan as it neared my cage that almost sounded like it complimented the hum of the wand. Then: contact.

“Mmmm…guh…ughhh…”

“Do you like that?” she cooed. “Does that feel good?”

“Uh huh.”

“Does it make all your silly problems just melt away?”

“Uh huh.”

“You’re such a good boy, aren’t you?”

“Y-yes…”

“And such a good little baby. Too good, really. I wonder if you could do something for me, Baby.”

“Hmm?” I moaned, the intense pulsating against my cage bringing me closer and closer to climax by the second.

“I know you want to grow up and be a big boy. And I want that for you too. But no matter how big you get. No matter how mature you become–or mature you pretend to act–don’t ever let go of this part of yourself. Baby Clark is too special to be lost to the monotony of adulthood. Make time for him. Don’t let him fade away.”

I’d have said something in response, but no words came when I opened my mouth–just another long and pleasured moan. I nodded my head, hoping that was acceptable as a promise.

“Go on,” she smiled. “Let it out.”

My back arched, I groaned, and a stream of creamy white blasted from my minimized manhood. 

With a click, the vibrating ceased. It would take a few seconds for me to collect myself, and my first thought–when I finally opened my tightly closed eyes–was wondering where my wayward orgasmic stream had landed.

Mommy provided at least a partial answer to that, lifting her hand to reveal a glistening splatter of pearlescent fluid on it. She held it up to her mouth, gingerly licking at it with the tip of her tongue.

She smiled and giggled to herself. “That’s a naughty thought, isn’t it? Not too long from now, I’ll be sharing a meal with this Andrew fellow–and he’ll have no idea that I licked your spunk from my hand after I got you off during a diaper change.”

Even if I was capable of saying much, I had no idea what to say. It was a naughty thought. And one that would be swimming around in my mind for the rest of the night. I nodded my head and sunk further into the changing table’s padding as another wave of post-orgasmic bliss washed over me.

“Now then,” she continued. “Let’s get you into a new diaper, hmm? I know all your girlfriends are coming over tonight, and they’ll be expecting you in thick padding.”

“Gotta give the people what they want,” I muttered.

“You do know how jealous any other boy would be to spend the night with three lovely ladies, don’t you?”

I nodded. Believe me, I know.

“Diapers aside, Clarky, what do you want to wear tonight? Shall I pick out a onesie for you? Or do you think you want to get some big boy clothes so that you can attempt to fit in with your friends?”

“Uh…” My gut reaction was to take the offer for the big boy clothes. But…maybe that wasn’t the way to go. Perhaps it was the post-climax brain doing its thing, but Mommy had been right earlier when she mentioned that my guests were already expecting me to be in diapers. And, assuming that I was still on the path to reclaiming my adulthood, there’d be plenty of time to see me in a more mature-looking pants and shirt ensemble. What if my opportunities for dressing up like a toddler for company were dwindling?

It’d be embarrassing, but…that’s what I liked.

“I’ll, uhm, take a onesie,” I finally said.

“Sometimes you surprise me, Baby. My choice?”

I nodded.

“Very well. I don’t think I’ll be picking anything subtle.”

“I-I wouldn’t expect you to.”

She walked over to the closet, taking her time in riffling through the onesies that hung within. At some point over the last few months, she–or perhaps it had been Marnie–had organized all the onesies by color. It was a reverse rainbow sort of order, with the purples and blues closer to the left hand side, greens and yellows in the middle, and oranges, pinks, and blues closer to the right hand side. Then, there were the whites and blacks. Mommy’s fingers skated past the blues and greens, heading all the way over to the reds. No wait, it looked like she was looking left again. The pinks. 

I should’ve seen that coming.

“I think this’ll be appropriate, don’t you?” she asked, pulling a bright pink onesie with ruffled purple lace pieces around the arms and legs out. I was pretty sure I had never worn that particular garment before.

“It’s very girly,” I said. It almost sounded like I was whining.

She snickered. “The girls will appreciate this. You’ll fit right in.”

“I’m not a girl…”

“I never said you were, Clarky. It’s just a color. It’s just a piece of clothing.”

“Y-yes, Mommy.” She was right, and I felt a little foolish for making a tiny stink about it.

Megan, of course, would love to see this. I had yet to hear back from her of course. Was she busy? Just ignoring me? If it was the latter, I certainly couldn’t blame her–she could very well be thinking that I had been ignoring her for months.

Soon after, I waddled out of the nursery in my thick diaper and my tight pink onesie. Mommy added the extra detail of a pacifier attached to a little strap, pinned to the chest of my onesie. “So you won’t lose it,” she said.

The girls were going to love this.

Mommy had sequestered herself in her room to finish getting ready for her date, now that I was sufficiently prepared for my own evening. I made my way to the living room and sat on the couch as I mindlessly scrolled through my phone. Having been disconnected from things like social media feeds and Reddit for so long, I still enjoyed the novelty of having things to scroll through. Eventually it’d get boring and tedious, but it wouldn’t be today.

I was trying to distract myself from the unease I felt. It didn’t feel like something was ‘wrong,’ it was just that familiar fear of the unknown–one I hadn’t felt for quite some time. Maybe not since I left my old job to move in with Mommy. Maybe it was the fact that Ava and Paige would be in the same place at the same time again, with Paige knowing far more of the bigger picture. But I didn’t think that was it. 

It was Mommy, I think. It wasn’t that she was going on a date with Andrew in particular–whoever he was. It was that she was dating in general. She was thinking ahead. She was thinking about what comes next. Just like I was. Wherever we were going–and however long it took for us to get there–the end was on the horizon. Even if Mommy and I remained close for the rest of our lives, this particular era of it would end. 

Enjoy what you have now, I thought. While you can.

I felt some pressure in my bladder. It wasn’t incredibly urgent yet, but sooner or later I’d be flooding my diaper. Not that long ago, I’d have instinctively let go at the very first pang of discomfort. I supposed this was an improvement. I’d have loved to ask Mommy if I could try using the toilet, but–at best–she’d just sit me down on the potty chair.

Maybe in a little bit, if the pressure got worse, I’d bring it up to Mommy and see what she said.

My phone finally vibrated. Finally, it was Megan.

Megan: “Did you know that I still have you in my phone as ‘Claire’?

I laughed aloud. It had been a while since I thought of that name. Though, it did remind me of the frilly pink onesie Mommy had put me in. I outstretched my arm, aiming my phone’s camera at my body and snapped a pic. It wasn’t the most flattering photo, but it at least showed my diapered torso squeezed into the onesie. 

Me: “Funny you should say that. Look at what I’m wearing right now.”

It felt like a ballsy way to open the conversation with her–especially since I was never the type of person to fire off random selfies to folks. But if anyone would appreciate it, it’d be her.

Megan: “I’d say that nothing has changed since the last time I saw you, but I suppose you are looking a little more feminine.”
Me: “I don’t look like this all the time… Mommy’s making me wear this.”

I almost wished I could’ve taken back that last text. I didn’t want to start this conversation by talking about myself. I quickly sent another:

Me: “How have you been?”
Megan: “I’ve been good, thank you. And have you been living your best baby life?”
Me: “I’m happy to hear that.”
Me: “And…yes. I am. I know that picture isn’t going to make this sound any more believable, but I’m actually trying to make some changes in my life.”
Megan: “Finally getting that diaper changed?”
Me: “That’s not what I meant…”
Megan: “I’d say I’m proud of you, but I’m just looking at this very large diaper bulge in your onesie and I’m not sure I believe you.”

I began to type out a response–something along the lines of ‘Fair enough,’ when Mommy entered the room–and she required my full attention.

I was surprised by her outfit. I’ve seen Mommy dress up. I’ve seen her all decked out–a look that never failed to turn heads of every man and woman we passed. This look was a bit more subdued. More casual. I followed the outfit up from her feet to her head. The open-toed black kitten heels. The tight black trousers that clung to her long legs. The powder blue long-sleeved top whose angled neck line seemed to dip perilously below where her cleavage started. The black jacket that was currently just resting on her shoulders like a superheroine’s cape. This was a different look for her, but it was striking all the same. She looked cool. She looked sexy. There was absolutely no way that this Andrew-guy would be able to look at her and not sport a boner at some point during his date. 

“What do you think?”

“It’s…very good.”

She laughed. “Clark, is that a little pout I see on your face?”

“I…I just…”

“Jealous that Mommy gets to dress all cute for her date, and you’re being left at home in your diapers and onesie?”

I hadn’t thought of that, but now that she mentioned it…

“Well, if you’ve been a good boy while I’m out, maybe I can show you the panties I chose for tonight when I get home.”

My mouth hung open a little. “Th-the red ones?”

“Ooh. I know those are your favorites, but that’s why I save them for you. You actually haven’t seen these yet. And…I’m pretty sure that even after tonight you’ll still be the first lucky boy to lay eyes on them.”

“Th-that sounds good,” I said, nodding like a little idiot.

Ding dong.

“Ah,” Mommy smiled. “I bet that’s your company.”

I looked down at myself again, taking in the bright pink of my onesie as I sighed. I imagined that the color of my cheeks matched the color of the onesie.

“Well, go on,” she said. “Aren’t you going to go greet them?”

“I…uhm…” There seemed little point in saying anything else. I slid off the couch, my thick diaper crinkling beneath me, and waddled my way towards the front door. Mommy remained a few paces behind me, arms crossed and a smug smile on her face as she just observed.

I opened the front door, finding exactly who I expected. Lyndie was standing on the other side of the door, hands on her hips and a big smile on her face. She almost looked like she was expecting me to be dressed ridiculously, and I didn’t let her down. 

Somewhere behind her, I could see Ava patiently waiting her turn to cross the threshold.

“Oh wow. That’s a look, Clarky,” Lyndie said, reaching forward and messing up my hair.

“Uhm, hi,” I said bashfully. “It was Mommy’s idea.”

“Well the color suits you. You look adorable.”

Lyndie was looking pretty cute herself with her black skirt, fishnets, and aged AC/DC t-shirt. And was that a new purple streak in her hair? I liked it.

“Thanks,” I shrugged. “Come on in.”

Lyndie marched past me and into the house, and Ava stepped forward. She looked amazing, as always. And mature–which I felt like I’d never get used to. She was wearing high-waisted jeans, and a flowy violet plaid top that was tucked into them. It was a good thing she had given up diapers, because there was no way they’d fit in those pants.

“Ava,” I said. I tried to contain my excitement, but I couldn’t help but crack a little smile.

There it was. Almost as if my body was reacting to seeing Ava–another wave of discomfort from my bladder. Sooner or later I was going to have to pee somewhere. Now that the girls were here–it was probably going to have to be my diaper. I could probably hold it a while longer.

“Clark,” she said, stepping forward with her arms extended so she could hug me. We embraced each other in the doorway, and the feeling of her body so close to mine almost rivaled the orgasm Mommy had granted me with her magic wand earlier. “How are you?”

“Good,” I nodded. “You?”

“I’m doing well,” she said. She was smiling, but something seemed a little off. That look when someone has something else on their mind, maybe. 

“Do you, uh, have any comments to make about my onesie?” I asked. “Because if you do, you might as well get them out of your system now.”

She giggled a little, holding a hand up to her mouth. “I’ll let Lyndie do all the teasing. But she wasn’t wrong–you look cute in pink.”

The last time I had seen her, I had been dressed like an adult. I was acting like an adult. I had even been wearing a pull-up instead of a diaper–maybe not ‘like an adult,’ but it at least felt like progress. Now, I was in a puffy diaper and there was a pacifier dangling from my chest. How far was tonight going to set me back in convincing her I was moving ahead with my life?

I wanted to say something about it. Something that would signal that this was just because Mommy asked me to wear this–not because I still need to be a baby. But by the time I opened my mouth, the only words I could think to utter were: “Thanks.”

“I miss it,” she shrugged. “The baby stuff? I didn’t think I would. But I think about it way more than I thought I would.”

“R-really?”

Behind me, I could hear Lyndie and Mommy talking. They were both laughing–no doubt sharing a giggle about me.

“I’m not going to lie. Seeing you like this? It kinda makes me want to crawl into a diaper myself.”

“Well…we have plenty. So if you think you might want to borrow one…”

“We’ll see,” she smiled. “I’m trying to be a good girl.”

I almost said nothing at all, but I couldn’t help myself: “Don’t try too hard.”

She laughed again, her cheeks reddening a little. I stepped aside, welcoming her into the house. I followed, closing the door behind her.

“Wow,” Mommy said in the foyer, shaking her head slowly. “When’s the last time the four of us were in the same place at the same time?”

“It’s certainly been a while,” Lyndie said. “Probably not since the old office.”

“Doesn’t that feel like years ago?” Ava sighed. 

“Are we in better places now?” Mommy asked.

Lyndie laughed. “Oh, I’m much happier with my new job.”

Mommy playfully shoved Lyndie’s shoulder. “You’re not just saying that because your boss is in the room with you, are you?”

“No, no, of course not…”

We all laughed again.

“I’m happier now,” I said. “I’ve been very happy, honestly.”

“So why the urge to grow up?” Lyndie teased. “Seems like you’ve got it pretty good.”

“I, uhm…” I had no idea how to answer that.

“He’s looking for a new kind of happiness,” Mommy said, coming to my rescue. “And I, for one, am very proud of the effort he’s put into figuring out the next steps in his life.”

I was blushing. “Th-thank you, Mommy.”

“Well, I’m certainly happier now,” Mommy said, answering her own question. “The new company has been reinvigorating my spirit. And, I must say, motherhood has been a blast.”

“What about you, Ava?” Lyndie asked. “You’re happier now, right?”

“Oh, for sure,” Ava nodded. Mommy and Lyndie seemed to buy this answer, though I didn’t. Maybe I was just thinking about my observation from a few moments earlier when I greeted her–but something still felt off about her.

My best guess? Perhaps she was having a harder time being detached from her little life than she thought she would. Of course, I was no mind reader–I’d have to find an opportunity to talk to her about it later.

“Well, now that the babysitter–and her assistant–have arrived,” Mommy shrugged. “I suppose I should head out to meet my date.”

“He’s not going to know what him,” Ava said. “You look stunning.”

“Hubba hubba,” Lyndie laughed. “This guy isn’t in diapers, right?”

“I hope not,” Mommy said. “One baby is more than enough.”

“I’m just saying,” Lyndie shrugged. “If I was on a date with you, and you wore that? I’d start calling you ‘Mommy’ too.”

“Careful what you wish for,” Mommy smiled. “If this guy looks like he needs a diaper, I’m giving him your number.”

“Please,” Lyndie smirked. “Always room for one more on the changing table.”

“You girls are going to take good care of my Clarky tonight, yes?”

“Of course,” Lyndie nodded. “He’s in good hands.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Ava nodded. “And I hope you have a good time on your date tonight.”

“I’m a little out of practice,” Mommy shrugged. “So we’ll see how it goes. And Clarky?”

“Y-yes?”

“You’ll behave for these lovely young ladies, won’t you?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

She leaned forward, planting a big kiss on my cheek. Lyndie laughed a little as Mommy’s head pulled away, and I could guess that Mommy’s red lipstick left some traces on my skin.

“I don’t know when I’ll be home,” Mommy said, grabbing her purse. “But I imagine I’ll touch base when I’m heading home. Have a good evening.”

And with that, Mommy was gone. The door closed behind her, and I was left behind with Lyndie and Ava.

“So what’d you want to do tonight?” I asked. “Mommy, er, Ms. Heller…” I had suddenly become self-conscious about what I was supposed to call Mommy when Mommy wasn’t around. But, then again, everyone knew that I only called her Mommy. I started over again, trying not to second-guess myself: “Mommy left her card on the counter and said we could order dinner with it.”

“Perfect,” Lyndie said. “Actually, we brought something fun with us too, didn’t we, Ava?”

“Oh…I think it’s in the car still,” Ava shrugged.

“Clark, do you want to go and get the bag from the backseat?”

“Uhm…I’m not going outside like this.”

Lyndie laughed. “Fair enough. Alright, I’ll be back in a minute.” She then jogged outside and down the driveway to the car.

Left alone with Ava, I wasn’t sure what to say. Did I ask about the uncertain vibes she had been giving off? Did I tell her about Paige’s possible arrival later in the evening?

I opened my mouth–still unsure of what I was going to say, though likely just going to make small talk–when Ava pointed at something behind me.

“Oh my god,” she said, her face lighting up with excitement. 

“Huh?”

“Clark, is that a potty chair?”

“Oh, uhm…well…”

“That’s so cute. Does Ms. Heller actually make you, like, use it?”

I sighed, already terrified of where this conversation might be going. “Y-yeah…just a little thing we’re working on.”

“Little Clarky is growing up,” she said softly, walking past me to go get a better look at it. “You know Lyndie’s going to flip when she sees this, right?”

“I know, I know.”

“She’s going to want to see you use it.”

I felt my cheeks warming considerably. “Y-you don’t want to see me pee in that, do you?”

“Well…when you see what we brought with us, I bet someone’s going to be peeing in that thing by the end of the night.”

On queue, Lyndie rolled back into the house. A bottle of vodka in one hand and a bottle of rum in the other. 

“I know I’m supposed to be the responsible one,” Lyndie said. “But…” She shot us a devilish smile. “...you babies wanna have some fun tonight?”

[D503]

Great chapters.It's gonna be fun seeing Clarky (Claire) as the blushing potty princess. Hope Megan comes over too.

[kirababy]

Not sure how this story ever gets dropped off the first page, even with the occasional delay between chapters.  Such an enthralling tale.

[quietlyhumiliated]

Eighty-Six

“I don’t harbor a grudge against her,” Ava said. “She did nothing wrong. She was only ever totally kind and compassionate towards me. I’m the one who chose to leave, you know? I’m the one who decided to, like, grow up. And when I told her, she was nothing but supportive. In the first few weeks after she and I–er–separated, she had reached out to me plenty of times just to check in. Never once did she try to pressure me to change my mind.”

We were sitting in the living room. Lyndie and Ava were on the couch, each with a glass in their hands. Lyndie made me sit on the floor, legs crossed in front of me. “Because that’s where babies sit,” she had said. I, too, was drinking alcohol–root beer and vodka for this first round–but mine was in a bright red plastic sippy cup with an anthropomorphic car on it.

All I had asked was if Ava wanted to talk about Ms. Beaufort or not. A while back, when Mommy enlisted Ava to come babysit me–what would be the first time I had seen Ava in months–I had asked her if she still spoke to Ms. Beaufort. Ava’s very brief answer had suggested there was some sort of tension there. It was probably none of my business, but it had been something I dwelled on from time to time. Once or twice, I considered asking Mommy–or even Ms. Beaufort herself–for more information, but ultimately decided it’d be best if I talked to Ava. 

It seemed Ava needed to talk it all out herself.

“I’m kind of an ass,” Ava continued. “I just…ghosted her at some point. I didn’t really mean to do it. I think I just realized that everytime I talked to her, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to, uhm, suckle her breasts, you know?”

“Believe me,” Lyndie nodded. “I’ve never been in a diaper, and I think about suckling her breasts all the time.”

“...and then she and Ms. Heller started the new company. And, of course, one of the first things she got was a new assistant. And I know she meant no offense by it. I know she just had a position to fill–both for the job and her life. And it’s not like I was returning her calls or anything. But once I heard about the new assistant, I just got so…overwhelmed. Jealous. Sad. Fearful that I might have thrown away the best thing I ever had. So…yeah. I guess I have a lot of feelings about Neve.”

Ava sighed, taking a big swig of her drink. Lyndie reached across the couch to give her a supportive rub on her ankle. I wanted to say something supportive too, but wasn’t sure what to offer beyond: “Thank you for sharing that.”

“Do you like her?” Ava asked. “The new girl?”

I imagined this was what it was like when a couple got divorced, and one of the new exes was asking their friends how they felt about the other ex's new partner. I wanted to be respectful of Risa, but I didn’t want to upset Ava by being too respectful. 

“She seems nice,” I said. Not only was it a safe answer, but it was pretty truthful. I still only barely knew Risa.

“She’s fine,” Lyndie nodded. “A nice girl, but it’s just not the same.”

“How so?” Ava asked.

Lyndie shrugged. “Risa’s come to her job as a baby already. She’s already embraced diapers. She has no fear. She has a very high threshold for humiliation. Like…I miss the days when it was you and Clark, blushing your way across the office because you were terrified that someone might sniff out your wet diaper.”

Both Ava and I were blushing now.

“It’s not all Risa’s fault of course,” Lyndie continued. “The office culture has changed. The new place is a safe place for stinky bottoms. That’s ultimately a good thing. But I do miss that…ever-present sense of terror the old place had.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “It’s probably a good thing for my heart that I know longer work there.”

“I can’t say this to anyone else,” Ava said. “But…it’s still so weird to me to use the restroom when I’m at work now.”

“I still don’t know what that’s like,” I said, to the delight of both women.

“I feel like you’re getting your diaper changed less at work though,” Lyndie shrugged. “That’s progress, right?”

“Yeah…”

Lyndie and I were both taking delicate little sips of our drinks–me because I had to with my sippy cup, but Lyndie because she had a heavy hand when it came to adding alcohol. Ava, on the other hand, was moving through hers pretty quickly.

“Clark,” she said. “Tell me about Pizza Girl.”

I let out a short sigh, and my heart started chugging along a little faster. “Oh, uh, Paige?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Pizza Girl,” Lyndie said, shaking her head slowly. “When Ava told me you were dating Pizza Girl, I just about wet my own pants. When were you going to tell me?”

“I-I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret,” I shrugged. But that didn’t even feel like the most important point: “Also…we’re not dating.”

“Oh, is it different when you both wear diapers?” Lyndie asked. “These are just playdates?”

Ava giggled while my cheeks warmed.

“She wasn’t always in diapers, right?” Ava asked. “Did you actually convince her to try them out?”

“Uh, well, sort of. Indirectly.”

“Two peas in a pod,” hummed Lyndie.

“Two, uh, pees in a…diaper,” Ava said, snorting at her own terrible attempt at a joke.

“So, you’re not dating?” Lyndie asked, her eyes darting to Ava for a moment while she asked.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “We’re friends, I think.” But I thought about it for a moment, and it seemed weird to leave it at that–especially with Paige likely coming over tonight. “I mean, we’re definitely friends.”

Speaking of, I knew I should probably tell them that Paige was coming, but I was worried it was going to ruin the vibe we had going. Was it better to just let her show up unannounced? I needed to think about it just a little longer.

I tried to find an adjacent topic to shift to, and pulled the first thing I could think of out of my head. “Speaking of, uh, dating… Ava, how are things with Caleb?”

My eyes meet Lyndie’s first. She grimaced a little, as if trying to signal to me that I’ve stumbled into a sore spot. I wanted to take my question back, but it was already out of the bag.

“It’s fine,” Ava sighed, tipping her glass into her mouth again.

“We’re kind of frustrated with Caleb right now,” Lyndie said, speaking on behalf of both of them–maybe even all women.

It was none of my business, and I probably should’ve let it go. But, sure enough, I opened my mouth: “Wh-what happened?”

“Well,” Lyndie said, again seeming to be acting as Ava’s advocate, “when the topic of commitment comes up, Caleb seems to be a little bit of a, uhm, baby?”

“I wish he was a baby,” Ava spat. “Babies are all about commitment. Look at Clark. He’s completely devoted to his mommy.”

“H-hey…” I said, though I had no idea how to follow that up. I wish I had the balls to say “I’ll show you commitment, Ava. I’ll commit to you forever.” But…that sounded like something a crazy person would say–even crazier if said person was in a diaper and a pink onesie.

“They’re still figuring things out,” Lyndie said. “They had a little quarrel the other day and she’s been feeling grumbly about it. Hence, why she tagged along. She needed, you know, the distraction of seeing a big ol’ baby.”

“Happy to be of service,” I shrug.

“Well, I gotta go to the bathroom,” Lyndie announced, standing up from the couch. “One of the perks of being a big girl.”

“I’d argue it’s easier to just sit here and pee my pants without having to get up,” I said.

“Yeah? Do you have a soggy diaper already?”

“N-no.” That was mostly true. I may have let out a little dribble earlier.

Once Lyndie had left the room, and it was just Ava and I, she looked at me and smiled. I tried to analyze her expression, but I wasn’t sure I could identify it. Friendly and happy, but also a little bit…regret? Remorse?

“I miss you, Clark.”

“Well…I’m right here.”

“No, I just mean…I miss the good ol’ days.”

“Yeah.” I was tempted to point out that they weren’t that long ago, but I supposed it didn’t matter. A lot had changed in a relatively short amount of time.

“Do you have, like, a lot of extra diapers?” she asked.

I chuckled a little. “I honestly have no idea what Mommy keeps in the house. I sometimes just assume there’s infinite diapers. We’ve never run out, and I never seem to notice when more arrive. They’re just…always around. Why?”

She sighed. “Just…wondering if maybe I want to slip into one tonight. Y’know…for old times’ sake.”

The idea initially made me excited, but the more I thought about it, the more unease I felt. If I gave Ava a diaper would I be responsible for…a relapse? Was that even a thing? 

No, stop that. It was her decision to make.

“If you want one, there’s plenty around,” I said.

“Hm,” she shrugged. “Maybe later.”

“So, uh, sorry to hear about Caleb.”

“We don’t have to talk about him, you know?” But then she took a deep breath and slowly released it before shaking her head. “S-sorry. I know I’m being kind of bratty tonight.”

“No, not at all,” I replied. “And even if you were, it sounds like you have some good excuses.”

“Nobody wants to hear me whining all night,” she said. “That’s your job, isn’t it?”

“Touche. Though, it wasn’t that long ago you were pooping your diapers too, you know?”

Her face reddened. “It…it was quite a while ago, thank you very much.” But she at least cracked a smile. “How’s it going with you, Clark? I know you’ve been working on yourself and all that.”

The extremely optimistic part of me was trying to read between the lines. “Are you close enough to being an adult yet that you and I can start dating again?”

“It’s going well,” I said. “I mean…I know this outfit doesn’t exactly scream adult but… I’m feeling good about things.”

“I’m really happy to hear that,” she said, her warm smile melting me. “And, uhm, what’s up with Paige now? You’re not dating?”

“I have no idea what’s going on there,” I laughed. I wanted to say more, but I wasn’t sure how much more I could add without having to say that our biggest hurdle seemed to be Ava’s existence. Still, I felt like I had to say more and so I spit out the first thing that came to mind: “She’s coming over tonight.”

Whoops.

Ava’s eyes got a little bigger, but she didn’t exactly look upset. More curious, perhaps? “Is she? That’ll be nice.”

I almost apologized, but then–what would I be apologizing for? I hadn’t told Ava how I felt. If Ava still had any feelings for me, she hadn’t shared them. She was with Caleb, more or less. That was that–there should be nothing to feel sorry for.

Still, Ava and I both looked at each other kind of awkwardly for a moment, dumb smiles on our faces while our mouths hung open. It seemed like both of us had something we wanted to say, but neither of us knew how to. We both laughed, likely seeing the other was in the same predicament as ourselves.

“Maybe I need another drink,” she said, sliding off the couch. “Can I get you one?”

“Uh…no. I’ve still got plenty,” I said, sloshing my cup around to hear the booze sloshing around within.

Of course, no sooner than Ava left the room, Lyndie had returned. She sat back down in her seat, lifting her drink to her mouth to pick up from where she left off.

“So. Paige is coming over tonight,” I said, figuring I might as well make sure everyone was on the same page.

“You mean I get to properly introduce myself to the one and only Pizza Girl?”

“Yup.”

“Will she be arriving in…diapers?”

“Uh…” I didn’t think that Paige had ever specifically said she was wearing diapers tonight. But she had called tonight a ‘little baby party,’ so that certainly implied it was at least on her mind. “Maybe.”

Lyndie smirked. “Am I babysitting her too?”

I thought about Paige lying on her back as Mommy changed her dreadfully dirty diaper last night. Something told me that she’d be delighted to have Lyndie taking care of her too.

“Would you be upset if you were?”

“Goodness no,” Lyndie said.

“H-hey. You don’t think Ava would be upset by Paige being here, do you?”

Lyndie smirked a little. “It’s cute that you’d think of that. But…let me ask you this: Do you want Ava to be upset?”

“No, of course not.”

“Sorry,” she said. “Let me rephrase that question: What would it mean to you if she was upset?”

I sighed and nervously ran a hand through my hair. 

“Still like her, huh?” she asked.

“It’s complicated.”

She smiled. “Two things can be true at once, Clarky. Ava could not be upset by Paige’s presence, and she could have feelings for you.”

“So she does still have…”

“I’m not saying that. I honestly don’t know if she thinks about you like that. Believe it or not, we don’t just sit around talking about you all the time.”

“Oh.”

“Just sometimes. But, look, my point is that I don’t want to see you studying Ava’s face all night. Enjoy your company. Have fun with us. Ava’s preoccupied with her Caleb-troubles right now, you’re just going to make yourself insane if you overthink everything she does or says tonight.”

I sighed and nodded. “Yeah. Actually…thank you. I really needed to hear that.”

“I know,” she said. “Babies struggle to think for themselves.”

“I-I’m, uh, growing up…”

She snorted. “Sort of. You’re looking pretty tiny tonight.”

I blushed and opened my mouth to rebut her claim, except…

Ding dong.

Saved by the bell, or so it would seem. I had lost track of time, and thought it might be a while yet before Paige swung by, but it probably wasn’t going to be anyone else.

“I should get that,” I said.

“You do that, crinkle-butt.”

I waddled all the way to the front door, feeling my diaper get a little warmer as I did. I’ve been doing a lot better at not automatically using my diaper when I needed to go, but that skill seemed to have been put on the backburner while I was preoccupied with everything else. I caught another glimpse of myself in one of the hallway’s mirrors as I approached the front door, reminding myself of how silly and infantile I looked. Combined with the wet heaviness in my diaper, It gave my cheeks a nice rosy color for when I finally opened the door.

There was Paige. She looked especially cute tonight, wearing a jean jacket over a Blondie t-shirt. Her black skirt barely seemed up to the task of concealing the extremely plump diaper underneath it.

She left the house like that? Actually, I really needed to know: “You left the house like that?”

Paige laughed, her cheeks getting a little pinkness in them. “Well…I called an Uber to take me here, so it’s not like I had to walk that far.”

“Yeah, but you…left your apartment and…”

“Oh,” she shrugged. “I suppose one or two people might’ve seen something. Oops.”

There had been a lot of big babies in my life over the last year, but none were quite like Paige. She was naughty. She seemed to crave danger. Had we gotten to know each other before I moved in with Mommy, I had no doubt that she would’ve made an absolute mess of me. 

“Hi,” I said, realizing I hadn’t actually greeted her.

“Hey Clark.”

“Do you wanna come in?” I asked, realizing I was still standing in the doorway, blocking her path.

“Uhm…yeah, at some point.”

I stepped out of her way and back into the house, but as she entered she steered her body towards me anyways, wrapping her arms around me for a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“It’s nice seeing you twice in one day,” she said.

“Y-yeah, likewise,” I replied, embracing her back. 

“You look fucking adorable tonight,” she whispered in my ear. “Pink’s a good color for you.”

“Th-thanks. Uh, Mommy picked it out for me.” It still felt strange to say ‘Mommy’ in front of Paige, but by now she had been indoctrinated into my weird world.

“So? Your other friends are here?”

“They’re here,” I nodded. “And we’re already drinking.”

“Even the babysitter?”

I laughed. “Give her a hard time about it and see what she says.”

“Guess I’m going to have to catch up, huh?”

Paige turned and made her way towards the living room. I wanted to catch up with her and be there when she turned the corner into the living room, but I hung back a second instead so that I could watch her walk ahead of me, her pristine white diaper hanging below the hem of her skirt. I would’ve killed to have been there on the street when she left her apartment building and just before she had gotten into the hired car. Who had seen her diaper? Did they know that’s what it was? What went through their mind when they saw it?

From the living room, I heard all three girls greeting each other with excitement. Lyndie and Paige were formally introducing themselves to each other. I quickly waddled ahead to join the action.

“Lyndie, it’s so nice to meet you,” Paige said. 

Lyndie glanced at me with a big smile on her face. I was sure that Paige had made a friend just by pronouncing Lyndie’s name right the first time–and some variation of “Linda” or “Lindsey.”

Ava was leaning back a little bit, looking to get a slightly wider angle on what Paige was wearing. “Wow. That outfit is…”

“Is it too much?” Paige asked. “I just…well, I wanted to look cute, and I wasn’t sure what you were supposed to wear to a little shindig like this.”

“Oh, I was going to say that you look incredible,” Ava shrugged. She added, under her breath: “Kinda jealous I’m not rocking a look like that, honestly.”

“Shindig?” Lyndie asked. “What, exactly, did Clark tell you was happening tonight?”

“I just mean that this morning, Clark was saying that you and Ava would be coming over tonight and…”

Lyndie’s eyebrows lifted curiously. “This morning?”

“Well, I stayed the night,” Paige shrugged, “and his, uhm, Mommy was saying that he needed a babysitter for tonight and…” She stopped when she realized that she was skipping over the part of the story that the other girls were most interested in.

Lyndie and Ava were both staring at me, smug smiles on their faces. I could guess what they were imagining.

“I…we, uhm…” I started, already feeling myself getting flustered. “We were over at Paige’s place after we met up with you and Caleb last night and…” I wondered if there was any version of this story that didn’t sound ridiculous. Was I supposed to tell everyone that we had messed our diapers so badly that I had to call Mommy?

Of course, Paige seemed far less fazed about the necessary conversation than I did: “We had some pretty disgusting diapers on, so Clark called his Mommy and she took me back here to change us.”

Both Lyndie and Ava were cracking up now. I could’ve sworn that Lyndie had tears in her eyes.

“That’s classic Clark, isn’t it?” Lyndie asked. “Gets a girl home with him–but only because she’s pooped her pants.”

Upon hearing ‘pooped her pants,’ Paige’s cheeks turned a deep red. She might not have made any effort to hide what had happened last night, but there were some phrases that were always going to be humiliating. I was pretty sure that I was blushing brightly myself.

“You’re going to fit in around here just fine,” Ava finally said to Paige, managing to ward away most of the momentary awkwardness.

Paige lit up again. “Is all this not the weirdest fucking thing in the world?”

We’ve all had that thought before. Some of us, like myself, many many times.

“You need a drink,” Lyndie said.

“Tell me where they are,” Paige said. “I can get it.”

“Don’t be silly,” Lyndie retorted. “Making drinks is a big girl thing–not something that babies do. I’ll get you something, okay?”

Paige laughed and nodded, looking a little bashful again. “Do I even get a say in what I drink?”

“You’ll get what I give you. Unless…you’re a baby with any special dietary restrictions I should know about?”

“Whatever you’ve got, I’ll drink it.”

“I think we’re going to get along juuuust fine,” Lyndie said as she departed to the kitchen to fix another drink.

“So, what are we doing tonight?” Paige asked Ava and I, a giddy excitement in her tone. “Movies? Board games? Prank calls?”

Ava snickered. “I don’t think we really talked about, like, a plan. But, honestly, any of that sounds pretty fun to me. Like a slumber party!”

“I, uh, wasn’t ever invited to any of those,” I said. “M-maybe they were more of a girl-thing?”

“Boys have sleepovers all the time,” Paige said. “Didn’t you have any boy-friends? Er…friends who were boys?”

“We didn’t have, like, ‘sleepovers,’” I said. “We just…kinda crashed at each other’s houses when we lost track of time. No pillow fights or sitting in a circle and talking about boys.”

“Well,” Ava said, “it looks like this little ‘shindig’ just got upgraded to a bonafide ‘sleepover.’”

“Oh my god,” Paige said, doing an excited little dance where she stood. “This is so exciting!”

“What’s exciting?” Lyndie asked, walking into a room with another sippy cup in her hand. This one was purple with cartoon movie princesses on it. It was never my favorite sippy cup–maybe because it felt especially juvenile–but it seemed like a good fit for Paige.

Paige laughed when she took the cup from Lyndie, but didn’t seem bothered otherwise. She probably loved the cup.

“We’ve just officially declared tonight as a sleepover,” Ava said.

“Typical babies,” Lyndie sighed. “Thinking with your diapers and not your heads.”

Ava blushed a little. “I-I’m not a baby like them.”

“A sleepover sounds fun,” Lyndie continued, “but did any of you actually bring anything for a sleepover? Change of clothes? A toothbrush? Spare diapers?”

“W-well,” I said. “I mean…there’s plenty of diapers here. And I’m sure there’s some extra clothes around if anyone needs something to change into…”

“Baby clothes,” Ava sighed. 

Lyndie sighed again. “I’ll…figure it out, I guess.” She shook her head, seeming to do her best impression of a tired mother who has to do everything for her children. “I doubt Gabby will mind if we stay overnight, right Clark?”

I shook my head. “She’d probably encourage it.”

“So there you go,” Paige said. “Sleepover!”

“Yeah,” Ava nodded. “Let’s do this right. Let’s order some food. Let’s play some games or something.”

“Games?” I asked. “What kind of games?”

“There’s only one game worth playing at a sleepover,” Lyndie laughed. “Truth or dare.”

My heart began to pound quickly in my chest as the girls excitedly cheered on this new idea. I reached the way that I usually did to stressful moments–I released another spurt of warm pee into my already-wet diaper.

[zzzz50]

Someday when you illustrate this story I would love to see Paige’s outfit. I hope Ava decides to wear a diaper again, she should realize she could be a part-time baby while living her adult life.

[quietlyhumiliated]

Eighty-Seven

As best as I could recall, I had only ever played truth or dare once. Kristen Elmer was throwing some sort of Valentine’s Day-themed party one year while I was in high school–it was either my sophomore or junior year. I didn’t know Kristen all that well, but we sat close enough to each other in Biology that we sometimes made idle chit-chat while waiting for class to begin. I doubted I was a first choice when it came to sending the invites–especially considering that I was only invited two or three days before the party. My long-standing theory was that there were a few cancellations, and so she had to reach out to the 2nd and 3rd tier friends in the hopes of getting enough bodies to attend her party.

Obviously, when asked to go, I said yes.

My mother, perhaps rightfully so, disliked the concept of raucous high school parties. Maybe TV and movies had given her an idea or two about them, or maybe she had her own wild experiences when she was younger. It had been a miracle that I had been able to go to my first ‘boy/girl’ party a few years earlier–the one where I experienced my first kiss–but I maintained that it was only because my mother didn’t know any of the details about that party.

And that would be the plan this time around too. I didn’t tell her where I was going. Instead, the story was that I was going to crash at Brett’s house for the night. That was sort of true–I was going to Brett’s house and we’d be hitting up Kristen’s party together. And then, after the party, we'd go back to his place and sleep.

At the party, there were no adults, just a roomful of horny teenagers staring at each other awkwardly. Dance music was playing loudly from a speaker in an effort to entice us to dance, but it didn’t seem to be taking hold. I remember Kristen getting irritated by this, having not predicted how challenging it would be to get a roomful of her peers to canoodle, and so she suggested some games. 

We tried ‘spin the bottle’ first, I remember, though the kibosh was put on that pretty quickly after Todd Neller’s bottle landed on other boys three times in a row and he threw a fit about it. Ironically, a year or two later, Todd would be caught in the men’s room at the prom making out with Bobby Laughlin. 

The party seemed to fracture apart around then. Those who were more interested in the wine coolers and light beer (and, perhaps, the rumored pot that Jackson Fielding had with him), migrated to the kitchen and backyard deck. Some seemed to have finally consumed enough cheap booze that dancing finally seemed like a good idea. The rest of us were wrangled into a game of truth or dare.

Truth or dare in the right–perhaps wrong–hands was an absolutely brutal affair. The claws came out, and everyone seemed to be tasting blood. Everyone’s name was put into a hat, and as each was drawn, devilish eyes were set upon that person as their fate was decided.

Tim Meyer’s ‘truth’ was to confirm if it was true that Bonnie Gebler sucked his dick in the parking lot during the homecoming game. He said this was true.

Natasha Stolt was ‘dared’ to show the group her panties. She did, revealing light purple underpants with darker purple polka dots on them. I’ll always vividly remember those.

Cameron O’Hare was ‘dared’ to go find Julie Brickell–who was likely in the kitchen with a can of beer in her hands–and slap her in the ass. He did, and there was a hand-shaped red mark on his face for the next hour.

Lily Pratt’s ‘truth’ was to admit which teacher she’d sleep with if she had to sleep with one. She ended up overdelivering with her answer, confessing that she was ‘working’ on a little project to woo Mr. Borman before the end of the school year. I never heard if she was successful with that project or not–but I suppose that’s her story to tell.

So on and so forth. Bare breasts and asses were exposed. Two people were reduced to tears by invasive ‘truths.’ Tim Meyer and Brianna Something-or-other somehow ended up making out with each other. Caitlyn Decker sucked on Jenny McKenna’s big toe. Some guy with blonde hair had to let Missy Tonnell spank his ass with a spatula.

I sat there the whole time, heart beating rapidly, waiting for when it was going to be my turn. What would I be forced to confess to the group? What humiliating deed would be assigned to me?

But it never happened. My name never seemed to get pulled. Sometimes, I wonder if my name hadn’t actually been put in the hat at all. Maybe it had been dropped on the ground–either accidentally or on purpose. 

I’ve been thinking about that game of truth or dare ever since. My fantasies always come back to that moment, and what could’ve been. Would I have had to kiss Lily Pratt on the lips? Would I have been made to crawl on the ground like a dog? Even now, my daydreams still come back to that scene–except now I’m pulling down my pants to expose my diapers to all my peers. They’d never let me live it down. I’d have been branded a baby for all time.

But there I was in the present, sitting on Mommy’s living room floor as the four of us assembled–topped off drinks in hands–so that we could play truth or dare. Once more, I felt a chaotic buzz at the prospect of being made to embarrass myself in front of my friends–as if I didn’t do that a thousand times a day on my own. This was a moment I had been dreaming of being in for years.

“So how do we want to do this?” Ava asked. “Pull names, or…”

“There’s only four of us,” I said. “Can’t we just, like, go around the room?”

“We need some sort of randomizer,” Lyndie said. “We pick two names. The first is who has to decide ‘truth’ or ‘dare.’ The second is who assigns the task.”

It seemed like a silly system for so few people, but I supposed it was at least fair. This ensured everyone got a chance to not only be in the spotlight, but to operate the spotlight as well.

Lyndie grabbed a piece of paper and wrote four letters on scraps of paper–L, A, C, P–which were then tossed into a decorative bowl that Mommy kept on an end table off to the side of the couch.

“Look, we’re here because we want to have fun,” Lyndie said, shaking the bowl around. “If someone asks you a question or requests you do something you don’t want to do, just say so.”

As always, Lyndie’s older-sister vibes were on point. 

“Ava, will you do me the honor of picking our first two names?”

Ava smiled and greedily reached into the bowl before plucking out the first slip of paper. “Paige is the first name,” she said. Her hand went back into the bowl as Paige smiled nervously. A second piece of paper was pulled out: “Lyndie.”

“Oh wow,” Lyndie said. “This’ll be interesting, seeing as how I know very little about you yet.”

Paige puffed up her chest a little. “I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

“Truth? Or dare?”

Paige nervously glanced around. “Jeez, I dunno. The very first person…that’s a lot of pressure. Maybe, uhm…truth?”

“Hmm,” Lyndie hummed, tapping on her chin as she considered what challenge she wanted to put forth. “Might as well just jump into the deep end, huh? So, before Clark managed to somehow turn you into yet another baby…when was the last time you had an ‘accident?’”

We all laughed a little, though I was feeling a little apprehension in my chest–Lyndie had set the bar pretty high right out of the gate, leaving me nervous about the trajectory of the stakes in this game.

Paige laughed and nervously ran a hand through her hair. “It probably wouldn’t be much fun if I said I’ve never had an accident before…”

“If you’ve never had one, just make up a story,” I said.

Lyndie playfully kicked me with her foot. “Don’t listen to him. The game is truth or dare…not fantasy or dare.”

“I’ve got something I can share,” Paige said, her cheeks glowing pink. “It’s probably not the worst thing y’all have ever seen or heard, but I’ve never shared this with anyone else before.”

“Do tell,” Lyndie said, her mouth curling into a big smile.

“So…I deliver pizzas, you know? And on a busy day, I’m running all over the place without having a chance to stop and take a break. Honestly…I wish I had discovered diapers a lot sooner–they just make so much sense for me. Anyway, it was this one afternoon a year or so ago–it was before I had seen any of you yet–and I was being run ragged by all the orders coming in. And, of course, we were extremely short staffed, so I had to take on twice the orders I usually would. Well, I, uhm, had to pee. But I’ve got absolutely no time for that, so I’m just holding it, you know?”

No matter how many times I had wet my own pants, a good pants-peeing story–which is what I hoped this was–always got flustered. 

“So I deliver this one order a few blocks away from the shop,” she continued. “On any other day, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but on this day, I just didn’t think I could make it back in time before I, uh, lost control. And I’m surrounded by houses and apartments–there’s no coffee shops or stores that I can run into and ask to use a bathroom. I’m just about to pound on some stranger’s door and beg to use their toilet when I decide to just find a quiet alley and, er, let it go. So I scurry back behind an apartment building, spotting an area by a dumpster where I don’t see anyone else…and I just pull down my pants. I barely got my pants off before I started pissing. But it, like, feels kind of weird.”

“Weird?” Ava asked, leaning forward and looking pretty engaged with the story. “Weird how?”

“Like, I was feeling kind of wet and warm down there. Kind of like when you do when you pee your pants? Because, as it turns out, I did pee my pants. In my haste, I had only pulled down my jeans and left my panties on. And I completely soaked them. And now I had no idea what to do, because I couldn’t pull my pants back up, or else my pissy panties would probably soak through those too–and the last thing I wanted was to have everyone staring at my wet ass…”

“If this happened now, I bet you wouldn’t mind,” Lyndie said.

Paige blushed a little more and shrugged. “M-maybe.”

“So what did you do?” I asked. “After you pissed your panties.”

“Well…I took my pants and panties completely off in that alley. And when I pulled my pants back up, I wasn’t wearing panties at all–I left those in the puddle I made. Then I went back to work.”

Ava clapped her hands while Lyndie smiled and nodded. 

“Did you ever go back for your panties?” I asked, curiosity piqued.

Paige shook her head. “No…I considered those to be a lost cause.”

“Maybe someone else found them,” I said. “And took them home.”

“You’re such a sweet boy sometimes,” Lyndie said to me, shaking her head in disbelief. “But once in a while you remind me that you might be pervier than the rest of us.”

“I-I’m not a…” There seemed little point in protesting whether or not I was a pervert.

“Well, that leaves the two of you,” Paige said, her finger pointing to Ava and I. “The only question is who the, er, victim gets to be.

Ava and I shared an awkward–but amused–glance. Also, I felt a little rumble in my guts–an early indication that my bowels were working on something. 

Hold it for now, I thought. Maybe you’ll need that for a dare later?

“I’ll do the honors,” Paige said, leaning forward and dipping a hand into the bowl. She pulled out a slip and held it in the air. It was the ‘A.’

Ava blushed. “Oh goody.”

I was simultaneously disappointed that my name had been drawn first, while also feeling grateful that I had the opportunity to ask something of Ava. 

“I guess I should ask that all-important question,” I said. “Ava? Truth or dare?”

Ava sighed, rubbing her head as she considered her choices. “I think I’m going to have to go with…dare.”

I’d say her answer caught me by surprise, but I probably would’ve been surprised either way. A dare. The first dare of the game, at that. I didn’t want to pick something too easy, but I also didn’t want to pick a task that was too hard. There was a sweet spot somewhere in the middle, I thought, but it was hard to know what that was when I wasn’t sure that I knew this newly-adulted Ava as well as I used to.

Diapers. That was the first thing that popped into my mind. All I had to do was say the words and she’d be on her back getting diapered. Then she’d be one of us again.

No. Sure, I wanted that, but I was once again thinking about the idea of ‘relapsing.’ She was making a choice not to wear them anymore, and I wasn’t sure it was my place to shove them into her life.

I glanced around the room to seek out some inspiration–finding it when my eyes reached Ms. Potty, the potty chair that Ava herself had commented on earlier in the evening. Ooh. It actually felt perfect–juvenile and naughty, while hopefully respecting her avoidance of diapers.

“I dare you to sit on that potty chair and pee.”

Paige bit her bottom lip and blushed a little–I was sure she was imagining herself in that situation. Lyndie laughed and nodded, seemingly pleased with my request.

Ava, meanwhile, was eyeing up the potty chair nervously. “I probably should’ve kept my mouth shut earlier, huh?”

I smiled and shrugged.

“A dare is a dare,” Ava sighed, slowly standing up from the couch.

“Bring it over here,” Lyndie said devilishly. “Bring it closer so that we can all see.”

“C’mon,” Ava moaned. “You don’t want to see do you?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Very much so,” Lyndie added.

“Uhm…sorry,” Paige shrugged. “But I’m going to lie–I want to see that too.”

A flustered Ava shook her head. “I am not going to forget this. You better hope that I don’t get any of your names next round.”

Au contraire, I thought. If she was out for vengeance, then I hoped she had my name next time around.

Ava picked up the small purple chair and brought it near where we were all sitting, plopping it down in the center of the room. She was huffing and acting rather frustrated by the task–but I knew that old Ava well enough to know that she was probably enjoying this a bit more than she was letting on.

“Clark,” she sighed. “Are you sure this is my dare? It can’t be, like, something else?”

“All things considered,” Lyndie chimed in, “I don’t think this is too bad.”

“Easy for you to say,” Ava muttered.

“Go on,” Lyndie smiled. “Lower your pants and sit on the potty like a good girl.”

That really seemed to fluster Ava. She snorted from her nose and kicked at the ground as she placed the potty chair in its designated spot. She was biting her lip–doing everything she could to hide just how much she needed this moment. 

No offense to the new-and-improved Ava–who I was just as much in love with–but I had really missed that classic Ava too. She looked so adorable with her face all scrunched up and blushy. I wanted to snap some photos of this moment and study them for the rest of my life.

“D-don’t look,” Ava said, fumbling with her pants.

“Oh come on,” Lyndie teased. “If Clark was gonna sit on the potty, we’d all be staring at him while he did his business.”

Ava grumbled.

“If you really don’t want us to look, we can turn away,” I said. I didn’t want to step on Lyndie’s toes, but if Ava was forced into a situation she didn’t want to be in, this wouldn’t be a fun game.

“No, it’s fine,” Ava said. “But like I said…I’ll be getting my revenge. So get a good look, I guess.”

She shoved her pants and panties down her legs, her entire body folding in half so that she could get them down to her ankles. I didn’t want to stare–but how could I not? That pastel pink labia was so inviting, and the short patch of pubic hair around it looked as if it had only recently been allowed to grow. 

Am I being a creep? Am I staring too hard? I checked Lyndie’s face, finding that her eyes were also fixed between Ava’s legs. I checked Paige’s face too, only to find that she was staring right back at me.

Paige was smiling. She winked at me.

Hoo boy.

“Y-you’re lucky I have to pee right now,” Ava said, slowly squatting down with her ass aimed at the potty’s seat.

“If you didn’t now, we’d just make you sit there until you did,” Lyndie shrugged.

Ava grunted under her breath as she continued the descent. I knew exactly what she was expecting–the tiny toilet was always lower to the ground than you thought it would. You’d keep lowering your bottom, expecting to eventually make contact with the plastic seat, only to start to feel like you were just going to fall on your ass.

“You’re almost there,” I said, hoping a little guidance would keep her steady.

Instead, my words almost seemed to have the opposite reaction. Her face seemed to grow brighter as she suddenly wobbled to the side a bit. Thankfully, Lyndie was there to help guide her the rest of the way.

Ava sighed again as she wiggled her bottom on the cold plastic seat of Ms. Potty. “So, uh, is everyone ready for this?”

Paige and I both nodded our heads in unison–Paige’s eyes were now on Ava, much to my relief. Lyndie offered a soft: “Whenever you’re ready.”

It started with a drip drip drip. Then it was a trickle. Then it was a heavier sounding stream. Paige giggled a little at the sound of the liquid filling the bottom of the bowl, and I couldn’t help but crack a little smile myself.

“Got…uhm…a bit more to go yet,” Ava said, her cheeks bright red as she looked straight up at the ceiling–her bladder continuing to loudly empty into the potty chair.

At last the stream trailed off to just a series of drips again, and with a final nod and sigh, Ava indicated that she was done.

“Here,” Lyndie said, passing a package of baby wipes to her. I had no idea where Lyndie had found wipes…but she probably didn’t have to look too hard, there was usually at least one pack in every room of the house.

Ava sheepishly accepted the offering, peeling the top of the package open so that she could pluck a moist cloth from it. Then, while looking even more embarrassed than she did while pissing into the potty, Ava brought the wipe between her legs as she lifted her ass–allowing her to reach beneath her and wipe clean the last few drops of pee.

“Th-there,” she finally said, quickly rising up to her feet again so she could pull her pants back up her legs. “All done.”

It was the infantile equivalent of dropping the mic. Every challenge that came after this was going to have to raise the stakes.

“Well then,” Lyndie said, collecting the scraps of paper and returning them to the bowl. “Ready for round two?”

“How many rounds are there?” Paige asked.

“Maybe until we’re not having fun anymore?” Lyndie suggested. The rest of us nodded in agreement. “Ava? Would you care to do the honors of picking our next names?”

“With pleasure,” she said, pulling the name from the bowl. But her momentary glee faded almost as quickly as it appeared on her face as she held up the scrap of paper: It was ‘A’ again. “Goddammit.”

Lyndie snorted while Paige giggled into her hand. 

“Well, might as well see whose turn it is to embarrass me now…” The second piece of paper she drew from the bowl had a ‘P’ on it.

Paige laughed. “I don’t know if it’s better or worse that I don’t know you as well as everyone else.”

“Likewise,” Ava laughed.

“Well, you know the question,” Paige said. “Truth or dare?”

“Let’s just go with a truth this time,” Ava said.

My heart quickened a little as I glanced in Paige’s direction. There weren’t a lot of things about Ava that Paige knew–though Paige was certainly aware of my continued infatuation of Ava. I hoped that Paige knew not to bring any of that up.

“Truth, eh?” Paige asked, flashing me the briefest of smiles. “Let me see what I can think of.”

“Go easy on me,” Ava pleaded. “I just pissed in a plastic potty.”

I stretched my neck a little to glance into the potty, seeing the pool of yellow liquid at the bottom of the bowl. I would do extremely naughty things with that bowl of piss if nobody else were around.

“Right,” Paige nodded. “Let’s go with something real easy. Uh…okay. Truth: What is the best thing you’ve ever tasted?”

Lydie and I both chuckled a little–Paige’s question felt like the sort of thing someone in 5th grade might ask during a game of truth or dare.

Except, to all of our surprise, Ava was blushing brightly again. “W-well…I suppose I could lie and say pizza. But, seeing as how we’re trying to be honest…I’d say it was, uh, milk?”

“Milk?” asked Paige. “Like…milk in general?”

Ava laughed nervously and stared down at her lap for a moment. “No… Breast milk, actually. My, uhm, former boss was…lactating? And…” She stopped for a moment and laughed. “You know, sometimes when I say the words out loud, it sounds completely insane.”

“So, wait,” Paige said. “You actually drank milk from your boss’s tits?”

Lyndie shook her head. “Girl, I wish you were there. You’d have seen things happening in that company that would’ve made you take a big ol’ dump in your pants. Quite literally.”

“Her milk was the best thing I ever tasted,” Ava continued, sounding almost like she was talking to herself. “It was more than just the taste. It was, like, the whole fucking experience. I just… I lie awake at night sometimes, just trying to remember what it was like to put my lips on her tit and have my mouth fill with her milk.”

“Damn,” Paige said, shaking her head. Her cheeks were a little rosy again too. “I’m, uh, adding that to the list of things I didn’t know would turn me on.”

“See?” Lyndie asked the group at large. “We’re all learning so much about each other. So that leaves you and me, huh Clarky?”

“Y-yeah,” I said. “Guess so.”

Lyndie steered the decorative bowl towards Ava again. “Alright, give me a name, Ava.”

Ava reached into the bowl again, drawing out the piece of paper that read ‘C.’

I had to laugh–it was finally happening. Years after Kristen Elmer’s party, I was finally being called up as a player in truth or dare. I tried as hard as I could to hide my childish glee, though judging by the smirks on everyone’s faces, they could detect my excitement.

“Well, Clarky,” Lyndie said. “What’s it going to be? Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” I quickly said, offering a confident nod. Give it to me. Give me the worst you can think of.

“It’s almost more of a challenge with you,” Lyndie sighed. “Your whole life is just a series of dares.”

She wasn’t wrong, but she was underestimating how important this particular moment was for me. Three of my closest friends–yes, I think I would consider Paige to be a close friend–were sitting around me, and we were playing the game I’ve been daydreaming about playing again for years. I wanted this so badly.

“You can’t make him fill his diaper,” Paige teased, “because he’d probably do that on his own anyway.”

Ava giggled and Lyndie nodded in agreement. “What I should make him do is something so dreadfully adult. Clarky, can you file my taxes?” More laughter from the other girls.

Up until this point, I had remained pleasantly distracted from the reason we were all here together, but I suddenly remembered again: Mommy was out on a date. I wondered how things were going between her and this Andrew she was seeing. Was he a gentleman? Was he mature and thoroughly adult? Was he so charming that it made her panties moist? Was there a bulge in his pants that she teased with her hand on his thigh?

Another round of laughter dragged me from my thoughts. The way that everyone was staring at me, big smiles on their faces, suggested that I had missed something. “Uhm…sorry, what’s going on?”

“We figured out your dare,” Lyndie said, pointing to Ms. Potty.

I laughed. “You want me to use the potty?”

“No,” Lyndie answered, shaking her head. “Babies use diapers, and you’re still a baby. I dare you to add the contents of that potty to your diaper.”

“W-wait…” Whose idea was this? How could I have missed that entire situation? I glanced around at each girl’s face, trying to read their expression in an effort to determine who was the mastermind at work.

“It’s just pee,” Lyndie said. “And your diaper is full of pee all the time. You’ll probably love it.”

“But it’s…” I stopped myself from finishing that thought–everyone knew whose pee it was. 

This was exactly what I wanted for so long–to have this game used as an excuse to humiliate me further in front of others. Of course I wanted this–the secret seemed to be not letting on how much I wanted it.

“I, uhm, don’t think I can do that on my own,” I said. “I’ll probably make a mess.”

“Good point,” Ava said. 

“Where do you want to do this?” Paige asked. “We probably don’t want to get any on the rug.”

“Let’s go to the kitchen,” Lyndie decided. “Paige can you hold the…actually, no. Ava, you should carry the potty, since it’s your pee.”

“Yeah, alright,” Ava said, grabbing the purple potty chair carefully. “But it’s not my pee for much longer.”

I felt like I was being escorted from my cell on death row to the electric chair. Lyndie walked ahead of me, with Ava trailing behind her while holding the potty. Behind her were Paige and I. We glanced at each other and my cheeks warmed more when I saw the playful smile on her face.

“Are your friends always this fun?” she asked, her voice low–but not so low that nobody else could hear her.

I laughed a little. “If you consider this fun, then…probably.”

In the kitchen, Lyndie wasted no time in reaching down between my legs to pull open my onesie–my bloated diaper drooping down an inch or two.

“Uh oh,” she snickered. “Looks like this one’s already a little bit heavy. Did the baby have an accident earlier?”

“J-just a little…”

“Well I hope it can hold everything Ava put in this potty.”

Me too.

It was amazing how quickly the three girls became a sort of hivemind, seemingly already aware of everything they had to do to make this mission a success. I was flanked on either side by Ava and Paige, each pulling a corner of my diaper away from my skin to make a big enough entrance for Lyndie, who was on pour duty. I made the mistake of glancing down, catching a glimpse of my caged cock resting in the yellowed padding of my diaper. There was no doubt that Paige and Ava had seen the same thing. Is there any hope of either of them ever seeing me as an adult in the future?

Slowly and steadily, Lyndie brought the plastic seat up to the waistband of my diaper and tipped it to the side. Her precision was right on, and the yellow liquid was poured into my diaper. It probably wasn’t as warm as it was when Ava first used the potty, but it was warmer than what I had been carrying around with me for the last while. The newly added pee sought dry padding to soak it up, though it was soon clear that the diaper had reached its capacity. Thin ribbons of urine began to escape from the diaper’s leg bands and ran down my legs, pooling around my feet. This would’ve been embarrassing enough by itself–but it was even worse when I thought about how this was Ava’s piss running down my legs.

“You can actually feel how heavy the diaper is getting,” Paige said.

Ava nodded, adding: “The kitchen was a good choice.”

“There,” Lyndie finally said, pulling the empty potty chair away from my diaper. “That’s all of it.”

The girls released my diaper, allowing it to sag further down between my thighs. It was probably a pathetic sight–me in my unbuttoned pink onesie, extremely full diaper, piss running down my legs, and a puddle of yellow around my feet.

Times like this, I just wanted to cry like a baby. Though, that wouldn’t mean that I disliked this moment. On the contrary, I was loving every second of this. 

“I guess we should clean this mess up?” Ava finally asked.

“Probably,” Lyndie said. “Gabby would kill me if I let this pissy baby waddle around the house like this. He’d probably leave little yellow footprints everywhere.”

“Is there, like, a mop?” Paige asked. “I can take care of the floor.”

“I’ll clean out the potty chair,” Ava said, taking it from Lyndie.

“I guess that leaves me to clean you up,” Lyndie said to me. “C’mon, let’s get you into a fresh diaper.”

A fresh diaper sounded good–it sounded like a blank slate for the next dare.

“W-we’re still playing, right?” I asked.

Lyndie laughed and shook her head. “God, I’ll never get tired of how desperate for humiliation you can be.”

Her and I both.

[D503]

Well, at least they haven't made him drink the pee yet, but I wonder how far it'll go!

[deewet]

should have changed his diaper first so he could wear a new one with his friends pee in it for a few hours or maybe even overnight

[quietlyhumiliated]

Eighty-Eight

I was back on the changing table in the nursery–a place I knew quite well. Lyndie was between my legs, pulling away the completely saturated padding and wiping my skin down.

“I bet you liked that,” she said. “Getting Ava’s piss poured into your diaper?”

“Of course I did,” I sighed, feeling my cheeks warm again.

“Such a naughty boy.”

“D-do you think Ava liked it too?”

She winced a little. “Clark…”

“I know, I know.”

“She’s already tipsy, and soon she’s probably going to be a little drunk. You need to be careful, Clarky.”

“Me? Why?”

“Because if you study her hard enough, you’re going to see the signs you want to see. She might even deliberately give you the signs you want to see. But…she’ll still be sloshed. You can’t take anything to heart, okay?”

“Right,” I said softly. “Thank you. I probably needed to hear that.”

“So,” she said with a smile. “That Paige is a real cutie, huh?”

I nodded. “She really is. She’s hot. She’s funny. She’s, uh, naughty. She’s perfect. Except…”

“Except she’s not Ava?”

“Something like that.”

“But, just to be clear, what I’m hearing you say is that regardless of how great Paige is, you don’t think the two of you are going to, uh, go steady?”

I laughed. “I don’t even know how that’d be possible. Why?”

She shrugged. “Just…wondering.”

Were I in a different state of mind, maybe I’d have been more interested to see where this line of questioning was going. As it was, between just having Ava’s piss poured into my diaper and the promise of more dares to come, I was far from focused. 

Mommy had been absolutely right to keep the key to my chastity with her. 

Soon after, I was escorted back to the living room with a clean, fluffy, diaper under my onesie. Ava and Paige were waiting for us–and it looked like they had each refilled their drinks. Not only that, but I noticed that someone had some more to my sippy cup as well. Not that I was complaining–I took a nice long sip in the hopes of adding to my buzz.

I took a moment to check my phone–something I hadn’t done since before Mommy had left for the evening. I had yet to respond to Megan’s last message. And, as it turned out, I had missed another from her:

Megan: “What happened? Did you run out of phone time and you’re back in your crib now?”

I tapped on the message to respond, but no sooner than my thumbs began to type out a message, Lyndie called out to me: “C’mon, Clarky. It’s time for truth or dare.”

“C-coming,” I said, the thrill of potential humiliation overpowering any other desire I had at the moment. I left my phone on the side table, the message incomplete and unsent.

We jumped into the game once more. This time, I pulled two pieces of paper from the bowl, revealing Lyndie and Ava’s names–in that order.

“Truth or dare?” asked Ava.

Lyndie considered the question for a moment or two before answering: “Truth.”

A shame, really. I felt like tonight might be my only opportunity to ever see Lyndie in a diaper herself. 

But perhaps Ava was on the same page as I was: “Truth: Have you ever wanted to wear a diaper yourself?”

Lyndie laughed and sat back in her seat. “Why? Is that something you want to see?”

“Just answer the question,” I said.

“I’m not the baby-type,” she shrugged. “I’m the babying type.”

“But how do you know if you’ve never tried?” Ava asked.

“Great question,” I remarked.

“You’re assuming that I never have,” Lyndie said, flashing a mischievous grin.

“Get out!” I exclaimed. “You have? When? Where? Who was with you? How the hell have you never told us about this before?”

“Calm down, baby,” she cooed. “You’re gonna dirty that diaper too if you get any more excited.”

“B-but…”

“I was by myself, if you must know,” she said. “In my apartment. This was somewhere around the time that Bradley was coming over for his baby-time, so I had plenty of diapers stowed away.”

“I guess I wasn’t there either?” Ava asked.

“Nope. Had the place all to myself. It was a pretty spur-of-the-moment thing too. I remember I had spotted a pacifier on the coffee table–one of Bradley’s, I think–and I figured I should put it in my purse so I didn’t lose it. But as I was walking it across the room, I started to get curious about what it was like to suck on a pacifier. Was it something that I might like? So…I popped it in my mouth.”

“Ew,” I spat out. I didn’t mean to be so vocal about my distaste for that, but the cat was out of the bag now. “You didn’t even, like, wash it off?”

Lyndie sighed and shrugged. “Yes, yes, I know I should’ve. But I didn’t. And look–I’m still alive.”

“So what happened then?” Paige asked, taking the words out of everyone else’s mouths.

“I’ll be honest, the pacifier wasn’t doing much for me. Like…I think I got the jist of it, but maybe I’m just not as, uh, orally fixated? Still, it got me kind of curious about what else I might have been missing from the whole baby experience. Actually, real quick, Gabby once asked me if I’d wear a diaper for her–did you know that?”

“Wait…” I said. “What?”

“It was back at the old office–not that long before everything went to hell. Her and I were having a conversation about the nursery, and we had somehow gotten on the topic of whether or not either of us had worn diapers before. She said that she had…”

“Really?” asked Ava. 

“Oh yeah,” I said. Mommy had once told me about that, back when we were in a hotel room in Seattle. God, that felt like years and years ago now. “A long time ago. Her boss made her wear them.”

“Wow,” Ava said, shaking her head. “I had no idea.”

“Right,” Lyndie nodded. “And so she had asked me if I had ever worn them before, and I said no. She told me I should try them sometime–she thought that it’d probably make me a better caregiver if I knew what it was like to be a baby myself. She even offered to, uh, help me out with that. I wanted to take her up on the offer but…then things got crazy and we never got around to it.

“So, there I was in my apartment with Bradley’s pacifier in my mouth, and I was thinking about what Gabby had said to me, and I decided that I probably should see what it’s like to wear a diaper. So I, uh, grabbed one and put it on.”

Ava and I both stared at her, mouths slightly ajar as we waited for her to tell us more. When a few moments passed without her saying anything else, I worried that was the end of the story. “And? What happened? Did you use the diaper?”

Lyndie blushed a little. “I may have.”

“What did you do?” Ava asked. “Did you make pee-pees?”

Ava and I both giggled.

Lyndie shook her head as her cheeks got a little redder. It was a rare sight to see Lyndie so flustered. “You know what? If you’re going to be mean little babies, I don’t think I’m going to tell you.”

“What about me?” asked Paige. “I’m not being mean!”

“You’re right,” Lyndie said. “Come here. I’ll tell you, and you alone, what happened.”

Paige got up and approached Lyndie. Her skirt had risen up her back, exposing most of her diaper to the room–though she made no effort to cover it up. Lyndie beckoned for Paige to lean in so that she could whisper into her ear. As Paige bent over, her ass sticking out for Ava and I to see, we both noticed the yellowed wet spot that had developed between Paige’s thighs.

I had no idea what Lyndie was whispering, but it was a much longer explanation than I expected. It felt like we were waiting for a good minute as Lyndie talked quietly in Paige’s ear. What could have possibly happened that day? What kind of adventure did Lyndie have? I was worried that I’d never know now. Maybe I could get it out of Paige at some point?

When Paige finally straightened herself out and returned to where she was sitting, the expression on her face was not one that I was expecting. I imagined that Paige would’ve been tickled or delighted by Lyndie’s secret story. Instead, she looked shocked. Surprised? Maybe even a little embarrassed herself?

“Wh-what the hell did she say to you?” I asked.

“None of your business,” Lyndie said, crossing her arms in front of her. “Maybe if you had been better behaved children, you’d know too.”

“That’s unfair!” Ava pouted. “You better hope I don’t get to ask you a truth again. Because if I do, I’m going to make you tell us what you said.”

“Good luck,” Lyndie winked. “Well? Are we ready to move onto the next round? Clark and Paige, you’re up next. And…” Lyndie’s hand dipped into the bowl. “...and Clark, it looks like it’s your lucky day.”

Paige smiled. “Yeah? Well then…truth or dare, Clark.”

It was silly of her to even ask. “Dare.”

She smirked, and I could already tell that she had something in mind. “I dare you, for the rest of the night, to only communicate in baby talk.”

I laughed and ran a hand through my hair. “Really? That’s it?”

“The rest of the night,” she repeated. 

“I like it,” Lyndie said.

“So, like, are we talking only ‘goo-goos’ and ‘ga-gas?’” I asked.

“You can use some words,” Paige shrugged. “But you just have to say them like a baby does. C’mon, don’t act dumb–I’m sure you know how to babytalk.”

Lyndie chuckled. “Clarky can babytalk like a pro. He’s good.”

It was a good dare. It wasn’t explosively humiliating like having Ava’s piss poured into my diaper, but it was a long-simmering kind of embarrassment. 

“Can I talk like an adult after the game?” I asked.

“For the rest of the night,” Paige repeated for the third time.

Now I was curious to know if ‘night’ meant until midnight, or if it meant until the morning. I bit my tongue, though, worried that asking any more questions would start to grate on everyone’s nerves. 

I had to accept the dare. I didn’t even know what the consequences would be–or if there’d be any at all–if I didn’t accept, but that didn’t matter. I had to accept.

“Okay,” I said, nodding.

“Perfect,” Paige giggled. “So…is there anything you want to say before we take away your adult-talking privileges?”

I laughed. I could think of a few things I wished I was able to say. Ava, I love you and I want to rub my caged cock against your diaper until I cum. “N-no…I think I’m good.”

“So be it. Clark, you can only use babytalk starting…now.”

I sighed, already regretting not having said more earlier. I don’t even know what I would’ve said, or what I actually had yet to say–I just felt like I had missed an opportunity.

“Talk like-a baby,” Ava commanded, her lips curled into a tight smile. There was the slightest slur in her tone–the mixed drinks were starting to have an effect.

That went for all of us, I thought. We all seemed a little more jovial. A little less restrained. There was a new energy in the room–one that was more chaotic and wild. Had any of these women asked me to talk like a baby an hour ago, I’d have done it–but it would’ve taken me a good half hour of whining about it before it happened. 

Now, I simply opened my mouth and let my inner-toddler speak for me: “Me talky wike widdle baby now.”

The three of them erupted into a chorus of laughter and ‘awws.’ Ava’s cheeks were bright red, while tears streamed down Paige’s delighted face.

“F-fuck…” Paige suddenly said, pulling everyone’s eyes towards her.

“What’s wrong?” Lyndie asked.

“I didn’t mean to, but I was laughing so hard that I just, uhm, peed a little.”

Ava smirked. “I couldn’t help but notice earlier that your diaper was already a little damp.”

“That’s what diapers are for, baby,” Lyndie cooed. “Maybe you ought to just let everything out into your diaper, hmm?”

Ava nodded to agree. “Good idea. Once it’s all out, you can’t have any more accidents. That’s jus’ common sense!”

Paige’s face turned pink, though she remained smiling. I knew her well enough to know that she wanted to wet herself in front of us. “Well, I should probably give the people what they want, right?”

Still sitting on the floor, she opened up her legs in front of her, giving all of us a generous view down her legs into the crotch of her diaper. She bit her bottom lip as her cheeks blushed a little brighter. She seemed unsure if it would be better if she made eye contact with us, or if she should close her eyes–and so she’d close her eyes tightly for a few minutes, open them just enough to see that we were all staring at her, and then she’d close them again. 

My eyes were entirely fixed on her bulging diaper though. From this angle, you almost couldn’t tell that she was wearing a skirt at all, and it was quite possibly the most juvenile she had ever looked to me.

“H-here we go,” she said softly and mostly to herself. 

With her diaper already a little saturated, I wondered if it’d be obvious when she wet herself again or not. It was, in fact, quite obvious. A new splotch of yellow was forming between Paige’s legs, and the padding began to swell considerably–seeming to slowly grow outwards from between her thighs. She moaned a little as she released the stream, a relieved “Errrrrn…”, followed by a deep sigh.

When she opened her eyes, she almost looked surprised by how everyone was looking at her–as if, while her eyes were closed, she had been transported somewhere else where she was alone. I wondered where that place was and what it looked like. 

Lyndie was the first to say anything: “What a good girl you are. Making pee-pees in your diaper just like a baby.”

Paige sighed again, her face turning an even brighter shade of red. Her lip quivered and her hand momentarily drifted towards the crotch of her diaper before she seemed to realize what she was doing, and it was pulled away. She was clearly turned on, and had no idea what to do with herself.

I wasn’t the only one who noticed this. “Paige, dear,” Lyndie said, her voice a little softer and less condescending than it had been a moment ago. “Are you okay?”

“Uh…” Paige laughed awkwardly, her shoulders making an exaggerated shrugging gesture. “S-sorry…just give me a minute to, er, get myself together.”

“No,” Lyndie cooed. “I don’t think you should get yourself together. It’d be much cuter if you just…fell apart.”

Ava quickly glanced over to me, having the same surprised and excited expression on her face that I had. I might have been reading her mind, and she was saying: “Is this really happening?” 

I telepathically responded: “God, I hope so.”

“Don’t even tempt me,” Paige said. Her breath was strained and breathy–as if it was taking a monumental amount of effort to prevent herself from giving in to darker urges.

“This is a safe space,” Lyndie said. “You’re surrounded by people who know all about the things you’re thinking and feeling. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. But if there’s anything you do want to do? There’s never been a better time.”

Slowly, Paige got to her feet. In hindsight, maybe it didn’t actually take that long for her to right herself, but in the moment it felt like it took hours. She was wobbly and uncertain of her body. Once or twice, I thought I’d have to reach out and grasp her to prevent her from toppling over–but she did manage to stand on her own eventually. The expression on her face, too, was one I hadn’t ever seen before. Even last night, both when I had watched her fill her diapers and when Mommy had changed her, she didn’t look as ‘little’ as she looked now.

I was so curious. What was it she wanted? Did she even know?

“I want to, uhm…”

“Anything you want,” Lyndie said.

Paige waddled forward a few steps until she was directly in front of Lyndie. And then she lowered herself onto Lyndie’s lap–a move so graceful that it looked like she had done it countless times before. Lyndie’s arms instinctively wrapped around Paige to hold her in place.

Maybe this was the cutest thing I had ever seen?

“I…need something to drink,” Ava said. “M-maybe something to eat.”

“Decide what you want,” Lyndie said, “and I can order something to be delivered.”

“Your hands are full,” I smiled. “I’ll put in an order.”

“What a big boy you are,” Lyndie cooed. “But you’re not supposed to sound like a big boy, remember?

I blushed as I got to my feet. I knew Paige’s babyish headspace all too well–but I wondered if there was a corresponding headspace for a caregiver. Mommy-space? If so, Lyndie was definitely in that right now.

Right. I tried again: “Me…hungy. Uhm…baby need ord-ah…yummies?”

Ava giggled and hooked her arm around mine. “I’ll help the baby order some ‘yummies.’”

Ava and I walked out of the room together, arm in arm, and made our way to the kitchen. Honestly, I wanted to stay in the living room and watch what unfolded between Lyndie and Paige–but my stomach was rumbling and food seemed like more of a priority than gawking. 

“Whadaya want?” Ava said. She was somewhere between tipsy and drunk–a state that made her seem a little less eloquent, but a little more confident.

“We could order pizza or…”

“Nuh-uh,” she said, wagging a finger in my face. “You gotta babytalk. That’s the rule.”

I groaned, frustrated that she was going to hold me to that rule still–especially since it seemed like the game was derailed for the moment. “Uhm…” I was just trying to think of how a baby said ‘pizza.’

“I don’t wan’ pizza,” Ava shrugged. “Chinese, maybe.”

“Do…overs wike dat?”

She giggled. “You’re so fucking cute, you know that?”

I blushed and shrugged.

“Lyndie could live off of Chinese food,” Ava said. “And Paige?”

“She eat anyfing.” 

“Perfect. I’ll just order a bunch of stuff and we can just split it all.”

“Fank you,” I nodded. The babytalk seemed to get easier and more natural.

Ava shot me a smile before turning her attention to her phone, where she was placing an order for some food. With her focus on something else–and without Lyndie at my side to stop me–I stared at her longingly. 

As pretty as she ever was.

I wished I could just empty the rest of my thoughts so that my entire world in that moment was just Ava. Alas, there were other things fighting for attention in my consciousness. Mommy was still on her date. And the longer that went on, the more curious I was getting about it. Was Andrew a good date? Was he treating her well? Was he imagining her mouth around his cock?

And Paige. I heard giggles coming from down the hall. What were her and Lyndie doing? What had Lyndie whispered into Paige’s ear earlier? Was…something starting to happen between those two?

“Food’s ordered,” Ava said, breaking me out of my momentary stupor. “I think I ordered way too much food. But, fuck it, I’m hungry. ‘Hungy,’ as you’d say, right?”

I bashfully nodded. “H-hungy.”

“Hey,” she said, her voice getting a little quieter as she put her phone down on the counter. “C-can I tell you somethin’?”

No. Please don’t. Not right now. She wasn’t in the right state of mind. I wasn’t either. This was a bad time for her to tell me anything. 

Still, I felt powerless to actually say these things. Instead, I let out an infantile: “Uh huh.”

She was walking towards me, slowly getting closer and closer. “I think about ya lots, Clarky.”

I almost opened my mouth and told her that I thought about her too, but I bit my lip instead. 

She was standing right in front of me now, just an inch or three from my face. I could smell her floral perfume, just as I could the booze on her breath. I had been lying to myself earlier–she was well past just being tipsy. She hid it well, but I knew this wasn’t the Ava I wanted to have this conversation with.

Still…this was all I had wanted. And here she was.

Her face was leaning in towards mine. I should stop her. I didn’t. Her lips met mine. Suddenly, our arms were wrapped around each other and we were taking turns exploring each other’s mouths with our tongues. I backed her into the wall, where my diaper pressed against her hips. Her hands cupped my ass, pulling me into her body as tightly as she could. My caged cock ached so badly.

All at once, I released myself from her, pulling my arms and lips away from her body and taking a step back.

“Wh-what are you doing?” she asked, looking a little hurt. “Don’t you want to…”

“Y-you’re drunk,” I said. “If this is what you want, then maybe we should talk about it another time.”

She made an exaggerated “Ugh” sound before giggling. “Clarky, you’re s’posed to talk like a baby.”

And just like that, her shambling body slowly exited the kitchen, leaving me to wonder if she’d remember this moment come tomorrow.

[zzzz50]

Cliffhanger for two relationships, can hardly wait to find out more!

[D503]

Lucky boy. I wonder if Paige and Lyndie will hit it off. (And a shame about Clarky not inviting Megan).

[quietlyhumiliated]

It's been a minute since I last posted, so I'll give y'all the ol' double-shot of story action.

Eighty-Nine

The alcohol might’ve been a mistake. Of course, that’s only something you’d say after the fact. 

As the first rays of the morning light poked through the living room windows, I woke up on my back on the floor. My diaper was damp. My stomach felt queasy. My head was pounding.

I could still taste sweet and sour sauce in my mouth. Momentarily panicked, I glanced to the coffee table, where I had a vague recollection of shoveling tons of food into my mouth just a few hours prior. So much food. But all the food was gone now. As were the napkins, the plates, the empty containers, the plastic bags and the used chopsticks. I know that I hadn’t cleaned it up, and Ava had passed out before I did. Maybe Lyndie or Paige had?

Ava was in the armchair, though she wasn’t exactly sitting in it. She was sort of draped over it–as if someone had been carrying her and didn’t know where else to put her. But, as best as I could recall, she had put herself there.

Lyndie was stretched out along the length of the couch on her side. She was the big spoon. The little spoon was Paige, her back pressed into Lyndie as she laid alongside her. Her skirt was missing, as was her jacket, leaving her in just a well-used diaper and her Blondie tee.

It smelled here, and it made my cheeks blush. Did I…poop myself in my sleep last night? I reached behind me and fondled the thick padding of my diaper. It was certainly wet, but I definitely wasn’t poopy. And I didn’t think it was Ava–at least I hoped it wasn’t, seeing as how she wasn’t in a diaper. 

Which left…Paige. This was confirmed when I stood up and took a step or two towards the couch–Paige’s bottom was ripe. 

That seemed like more of a Lyndie-problem, though, and so I shrugged it off and carefully left the living room–doing my best not to wake anyone. 

I was expecting another disaster in the kitchen. At the very least, there should’ve been opened bottles of alcohol, dirty drinking glasses, and sippy cups. Too, maybe some remnants of our meal from last night–perhaps someone had just taken it all from the coffee table and moved it into the kitchen.

No. The kitchen was spotless. There was nothing in the sink. Chinese leftovers in the fridge, neatly stacked. All the garbage stuffed into the garbage can. The dishwasher was running.

“It wasn’t fairies that cleaned up after you last night,” Mommy chuckled from behind me. I spun around, my cheeks already blushing.

“Y-you cleaned up after us?”

Mommy nodded. “Indeed. By the time I got home from my date last night, everyone seemed rather…unresponsive. So I took it upon myself to take care of the loose ends.”

“I’m sorry about that,” I said, scratching the back of my head nervously. We shouldn’t have gotten so…”

“Stop that, Baby,” she cooed, gliding past me as her hand lightly stroked my face. “I’m glad you all had a fun night. You need that sometimes. You deserve it.”

I tried to string together the details I remembered from the night before, hoping to assemble them into a chronological order. Truth or dare. Piss being poured into my diaper. Getting changed by Lyndie. Babytalk. Ava kissing me. Eating. Then things start getting hazy.

“I think Paige, uhm…”

“I know,” Mommy nodded, waving a hand in front of her nose as she smiled. “I smelled it.”

“Do you think we should wake her so you can change her?”

She shook her head. “I suspect Lyndie would be upset if she missed out on that opportunity. Is there something going on between those too?”

I laughed and shrugged. I remembered how Lyndie whispered into Paige’s ear last night. She was supposed to have been telling Paige about what she did with the diaper she wore once–but I had reason to believe that she might’ve said more to Paige than that. Something that got Paige all sorts of worked up. I also recalled the conversation I had with Lyndie while she was changing my diaper; she had asked me if I thought I’d ‘go steady’ with Paige. 

“Maybe,” I finally said.

“Paige is going to be pretty embarrassed when she wakes up in a dirty diaper,” Mommy said. It sounded like the sort of thing she’d say with pleasure, though I could detect a hint of worry in her tone.

“If you don’t want to change her now, what else can we do about that?”

She laughed. “She might feel better if she wasn’t the only one.”

I felt like she was suggesting something, but between the lack of sleep and the hangover, I wasn’t completely sure what it was. 

Mommy sidled up to me, putting her hand on the bottom of my diaper. “If she wasn’t the only baby waking up in a dirty diaper, maybe she wouldn’t feel so bad.”

“O-oh… Do you mean me?”

“Well…as best as I can tell, you’re the only other one in a diaper.”

I sighed. “So…I need to go back in there and…poop?”

“Why don’t you fill your diaper right here? For me? And then I’ll send you in there.”

I almost protested, but I already knew that I wanted to do this. I would always choose to do as Mommy asked, especially when it came to my diapers.

“Right now?” I asked sheepishly.

“Mmhmm. And you best be quick about it, Baby. Any of them might wake up at any moment.”

My body was well-acclimated to the routine of unloading my bowels in the morning, and last night’s Chinese food felt like it was ready for an exit. This would be no problem at all. I barely even thought about it until I squatted down in the middle of the kitchen and began to push. As I began to feel this morning’s load crest my anus, I sighed–no matter how ‘big’ I got, I doubted I’d ever get sick of the feeling of loading my diaper for Mommy.

“Go on,” she said softly. “Make a big ol’ mess in your diaper, okay?”

“Y-yes…Mommy.” It didn’t take much sometimes to slip back into my smaller headspace–the one I had gotten accustomed to when I was living my life as a full-time baby in Mommy’s care for the last few months. I popped my thumb in my mouth as I pushed, feeling the thick mush slowly expanding the back of my diaper.

“I bet that feels so good, doesn’t it?”

“Yeth,” I said through my thumb. “Feelth good to…poopy my panths…”

“I will never tire of having that power,” Mommy said, her hands on my shoulders now, sending supportive vibes through my body as I pushed the last of it out. “I sometimes think I could do this to you anyplace. At any time. Years from now, even–after you think you’re all grown up again. I bet I could still get you to do this.”

“P-prolly…”

“I imagine it’s your wedding day. Your bride is coming down the aisle. All eyes are on the two of you. But you’re looking into the crowd, and you see me. And I smile and nod, and you know exactly what to do.”

I nodded. “Y-yeah.”

“You’d squat down right there, wouldn’t you? Right there at the head of the ceremony–pushing a stinky poopy into your diaper as your wife-to-be is just getting to you.”

My cock ached and I nodded my head rapidly.

“Just the sorts of things I think about,” she said, patting me on the head. “All good now? Diaper full?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Good boy. Go back into the living room. Lie down where you were. When folks start waking up, I’ll come change you.”

“Yes, Mommy.”

Against all odds, I managed to fall asleep again while wrapped up in a thick blanket on the floor near the couch. Then, I was dreaming…

It was my wedding day, and I was standing at the forefront of the audience, divided into two sides. At first I thought we might’ve been at a church, though the longer the dream went on, the less likely that seemed. Some sort of…conference room? Yes! I was in the big conference room at the old office–the one where I had once been passed around the room and spanked by the other executives before Mommy put my chastity on me. I was getting married there now. But who was I marrying?

I saw her coming down the center aisle in her white dress. A veil was over her face, obscuring it. I was scanning the crowd, wondering who I’d see. There were familiar faces. Courtney. Bradley. Even Kylie–who was wearing a light pink onesie while a pacifier hung from her mouth. Obviously.

And then I spotted Mommy, which filled me with more joy than actually being at the wedding itself. She was smiling and nodding. I knew exactly what that meant. 

I squatted where I stood, but it wasn’t the same. These awkward tuxedo pants were too tight–I needed more room for my diaper. Fuck it. I pulled my belt open before unbuttoning the front of my trousers–pushing them down my thighs to expose my plump diaper. I squatted again. This time it felt right. With a firm push and a grunt, I could feel myself unloading.

“Oh my god!” shrieked someone in the audience. “Is…is he really…”

“He is!” someone else said. “He’s shitting his diaper!”

“Are you kidding me right now?” my bride said. She stopped just shy of where I stood, her hands on her hips. I didn’t recognize her voice and I still couldn’t see her face. “I was supposed to marry a man! Not a fucking baby.”

Someone was behind me. One of the bridesmaids, I think, but I couldn’t see who it was. I felt a hand on the back of my still-expanding diaper. “It’s a really big load too. Sooo stinky.”

“You can’t marry him,” someone else said. “Not until he grows up.”

My bride, whoever she was, reached forward and grabbed me by the shoulders. “Wake up.”

“Huh?”

“Wake up, Clark.”

I opened my eyes, finding myself on the floor of Mommy’s living room. Someone was gently shaking my shoulder to try and wake me up. Before I could even look up at their face, I could smell the room–now filled with the thick stench of dirty diapers.

“L-Lyndie,” I said as I came to, seeing Lyndie’s face hovering above mine.

“Hey, smelly.”

“I, uhm… What time is it?”

“Late enough. You need your diaper changed.”

Somewhere behind her, Paige giggled.

“Don’t laugh too much, Paige,” Lyndie said, glancing over her shoulder. “She’s only laughing because she’s not the only one to have woken up with a stinky mess in their diaper.”

Maybe Mommy had been completely right about her plan to have me mess my diaper as well.

“I have to go change Paige anyways,” Lyndie said. “So if you want, I could…”

“I’ll take care of that one,” Mommy said, strolling into the room as if she just happened to walk past at the perfect time. “I could even take care of both big babies if you want.”

“No, that’s okay,” Lyndie said, her cheeks getting a little rosy. “I-I was thinking that I would take care of Paige at the very least…”

“She’s all yours,” Mommy said. “But I’ll be taking my baby. But, Lyndie, why don’t you and Paige go use the nursery first.”

“Are you sure?” Lyndie asked.

“I insist. Go ahead. Clark and I will wait right here.”

Lyndie took Paige by the hand and led her out of the room. It was, admittedly, a cute sight to behold.

“Where’s Ava?” I asked, finally realizing that it was only Mommy and I in the room.

“Bathroom. She woke up a few minutes ago, and she wasn’t feeling well. Last I heard, it sounded like she was throwing up.”

“That sucks…”

“Everyone drink a bit too much last night?” Mommy asked.

I nodded. “Some of us more than others.” If I drank too much, then Ava drank way too much.

“She’ll be fine,” Mommy said. “We’ve all had those mornings.”

“W-wait,” I said, suddenly remembering. “What about last night? You had your date. H-how did that go?”

Mommy smiled and shrugged. “It was fine.”

“Fine?”

“I don’t think we’re going to get married or anything. We didn’t have very much in common.”

“Oh. Sorry…”

“Don’t be,” she chuckled. “He was very good at eating pussy. And if that’s all I got out of last night, I’ll call that a win.”

I blushed, just trying to imagine what it must be like to go on a date with Mommy. How did she get Andrew’s head between her legs? Where did that even happen?

“I doubt he and I will be going out again,” she continued. “I’m sure he’d like to, but he won’t be able to convince me to. The good news is that I feel my interest in dating again has been restored.”

“R-really?”

“I was worried I’d be out of practice, but I think I did rather well. Still got it.”

“Good,” I said. I meant that.

“I wish you were there,” she shrugged. “I’d have loved to have seen your face when I talked to him at dinner.”

“Wh-why?”

She sighed. “I think he revealed himself, very quickly, to be a follower–not a leader. I’m sure he does just fine in the boardrooms for his company. But in the presence of a powerful woman, he might as well have been sucking on a pacifier.”

“Y-you didn’t make him do that, did you?”

She laughed. “I should’ve. I bet he’d have done it. The dinner was actually a lot of fun. I spent a good two or three hours winding him up. There were a few times I legitimately thought he was going to cream his pants.”

I wondered what she had been saying to him. What she had been doing.

“By the time the check arrived,” she said, “I literally had him eating out of my hand.”

I really wished I could’ve seen that. “And then he…”

“We went back to his place. Just long enough for him to make me cum with his tongue. I pissed on his face too, per his request. I would’ve at least jerked him off if he wanted, but he took care of that himself as I was peeing.”

Fuck. “I’m, uhm, sorry that he’s not what you were looking for.”

“I had fun with him. But I can have fun with anyone. What I want, I think, is someone who can make me do the things that I’d make someone like Andrew do for me.”

“You want a man who’d make you suck his cock?”

“Mmm, that sounds delightful, Clarky. Daddy, please. But it can’t be a suggestion. He has to be the type who can make me do it. And I put up a good fight.”

It sounded a little like her expectations for men in the dating scene were too high–but she also didn’t seem especially discouraged by that prospect. I could see her having plenty of casual fun with men until she eventually met the one who’d get her mouth wrapped around his cock. Best of luck, men. You’re going to need it.

A few minutes later, Paige and Lyndie reappeared in the doorway of the living room. Aside from her unruly hair, Paige was looking similar to how she did when she first showed up last night–a clean, thick, diaper jutting out from the bottom of her skirt.

“All yours,” Lyndie said with a smile.

“Gracias,” Mommy said, grabbing me by the hand. “Come on, Clarky. Let’s get that icky diaper off.” We walked a few feet before she stopped and pivoted towards the other girls again. “Oh, and Lyndie–you texted me last night that everyone might need toiletries if they stayed over night. I got some toothbrushes, toothpaste, and some deodorant, and it’s in a basket in the bathroom. Of course…Ava’s in there now, doing who-knows-what. But when she’s done, it’s all there for whoever needs it.”

“Thank you,” Lyndie nodded.

“I didn’t make coffee yet,” Mommy continued. “But I can start some–and breakfast too–after I take care of this baby.”

“Paige and I will handle breakfast,” Lyndie said. Paige nodded to agree.

We continued on towards the nursery, my hand still in hers. The stink of my diaper followed us, and it wasn’t until we were actually in the nursery itself that I could smell anything else. And when I did smell something else–it was Paige’s dirty diaper and baby powder. I almost wondered if Mommy brought me up after Paige just so that we’d have to smell this.

“Did you behave yourself last night?” Mommy asked as I laid down on the changing table.

I nodded. “I think so.”

“How did things go with Ava last night?”

“Sh-she kissed me.” I wasn’t planning on telling anyone this. If Ava didn’t remember the moment herself, I was happy with just letting it be forgotten by the rest of the world. Except for me, of course.

“Did she now?” My diaper was being pulled open, revealing this morning’s nasty mess. My stench seemed to intensify, overpowering the lingering scents of other baby’s diapers and the baby powder.

“Well…I doubt she’ll remember that.”

“Ah. One of those kisses. Did you kiss her back?”

“Uhm. A little. B-but she started it. And I…eventually…stopped it.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Mommy asked. “If she doesn’t remember?”

“She’s with Caleb,” I said. 

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I’ll be okay,” I said. I didn’t entirely believe that, and Mommy probably didn’t either. But it seemed like the right thing to say.

Mommy sighed as she brought a damp baby wipe to my skin to start cleaning away the disgusting mess I had in my diaper. “I don’t know if this is good advice to give someone or not. But…may I tell you my thoughts on the matter?”

“Of course,” I said.

“I know the right thing to do is to not meddle in Ava and Caleb’s relationship. But…I’m also a bit of a romantic at heart. And, well, if I were you, I think I’d need to tell Ava how I felt.”

“But…I can’t do that,” I whined. “I just don’t want to fuck anything up.”

“I know you don’t, Baby. And I respect that. I just…if I liked someone as much as you seem to like her, I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my mouth shut.”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I felt Mommy running another wipe through my ass cheeks.

“I’m not telling you what to do,” she continued. “I’m just telling you what I’d do.”

“Thank you, Mommy.” I honestly wasn’t sure if that helped me or not, though I was still happy she shared her opinion with me. I wished I was the kind of person who could just tell Ava how I felt, but that wasn’t me. 

At this point, as terrible as it sounded, I wondered if my best chance would be for Ava and Caleb to choose to break up on their own. 

“That’s a hefty load you’ve put into your diaper,” Mommy said, her voice reminding me that I was still getting my diaper changed like a baby.

“I, uhm…thanks?”

“You didn’t poop last night at all, did you?”

“N-no…” My recollection of the night before wasn’t perfect, so I couldn’t be certain that I had to go and chose not to while in the company of my friends–but that certainly sounded like something I’d do.

Wait. There was something I could remember: Early in the game of truth or dare, I felt a mild pressure in my bowels–but I decided to ignore it in the hopes that someone’s dare for me might involve filling my diapers. In hindsight that was pathetic–and probably unnecessary, seeing as how everyone had witnessed me filling my diaper plenty of times without there being a game.

“I don’t know if you were trying to not to embarrass yourself in front of your friends, or if you just thought you were too ‘big’ to poop your pants, but Clarky, you really shouldn’t hold it so long like that. That can cause other health problems.”

“I-I know…”

Mommy paused for a moment, sighing and then laughing to herself. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I know you’re trying to make some changes in your life. I worry that I’m not helping when I still treat you like a baby all the time.”

“M-maybe it’s a good thing,” I shrugged. “If I ever do, like, grow up, it’ll be because I resisted all your efforts to keep me as a baby forever.”

“I’m not trying to keep you as a baby forever. I did buy you a potty chair, didn’t I?” she asked, smiling as she shook some baby powder over my crotch.

I laughed. “Oh yeah…” I thought back, again, to Lyndie tipping the purple potty into my diaper so that all of Ava’s warm piss cascaded over my caged cock.

Mommy reached for a new diaper under the changing table, but what she grabbed was a pair of the training pants. She didn’t say anything about them, and so I didn’t either. Maybe this was how things were going to be moving forward–less diapers. More pull-ups. More potty-chairs. 

More dates for Mommy.

“Wh-what do you think about my, uhm, chastity?” I asked. “When do you think–”

“Do you want it off?” she asked.

“N-no, that’s not what I’m asking. I just mean…did you have any idea of when you think it’d be right for it to come off?”

“Maybe,” she shrugged, pushing the pull-ups down my legs. “But if you really want to take it off, just tell me.”

“Okay,” I said. It sounded simple, but it didn’t feel as simple. The cage was an extension of Mommy herself–as if her hand was forever gripping my cock. When the cage was gone, her hand was gone. 

I sometimes hoped that I was ready for that, but the reality was that I didn’t think I was just yet. I didn’t know when I would be, but I was certain that I’d know it in the moment.

From elsewhere in the house, we could hear the sounds of clanging–nothing alarming, most likely the sound of someone fumbling their way through the pots and pans.

“It sounds like the girls are making us some breakfast,” Mommy said. “Let’s get you dressed and back down with your friends.”

“I…don’t have to wear that onesie again, do I?”

“Even if I wanted you to, I don’t think it’d be possible. Your diaper looks like it sprung a leak at some point. Another onesie for Marnie to clean, hmm?”

I blushed, just trying to imagine Marnie’s face when tasked with having to clean soiled onesies from ‘babies’ that might be just as old as she was.

“Dress yourself,” Mommy said. “Where whatever you want to. If you want to be a big boy today, go for it.”

“R-really?”

She smiled and nodded. “I’ll see you downstairs, Clarky.”

“Thank you, Mommy,” I said. 

I liked onesies and baby things, but I spent the last two nights filling up diapers in the presence of pretty women. Maybe it was time they saw the other side of me. I threw on some socks, a pair of jeans, and a black t-shirt before catching myself in the mirror. I could almost pass as an adult.

Someday soon, you’ll pass as an adult everytime you look in the mirror.

Maybe there wasn’t a need to rush things. I took off the t-shirt and pulled the jeans down to my knees. I chose a simple baby-blue onesie from the closet and slipped it over my head, snapping the bottom of it below my pull-ups before pulling my jeans back up. I looked a lot less adult in the mirror now–though the jeans still seemed to add a few years. Good enough.

I went downstairs, where it sounded like most everyone was already in the kitchen talking. The scent of freshly made coffee was wafting down the hallway.

“Hey Clark.” Ava was in the living room by herself, reading her phone.

“Oh, hey,” I said.

“Is this your new aesthetic?” she asked, looking me over.

I blushed a little. “Do you like it?”

“It’s cute.”

“Hey…how are you feeling?” I asked. “Last night was, uh…”

“I drank a lot,” she said. “I’m not feeling my best today. How are you feeling?”

I didn’t feel great, but I was certain that I was feeling better than her. “Can’t complain.”

“Most of last night is a blur to me,” she shrugged.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” I nodded. “Same.”

“I really hope I didn’t do anything stupid.”

I shook my head. “N-no, I doubt that. I don’t remember you doing anything too, uhm, silly. You just drank a lot and passed out.”

“Good,” she said. “All morning I’ve been trying to shake the feeling that I made some stupid mistake last night, but I just couldn’t remember what it was. But maybe it was just in my head.”

“No,” I said. “I promise–you didn’t make any mistakes last night.” My palms were sweaty. My heart was beating a little faster.

Ava laughed to herself and shook her head. “I shouldn’t have drank so much.”

“I get it. You were upset about whatever’s going on with Caleb.”

“Ugh,” she groaned. “I forgot about him. I guess I’ll have to talk to him later. When I’m feeling better, of course.”

“Best of luck with that.”

“Thank you, Clark,” she said. “Thank you for just being a good friend.”

“O-of course.”

She leaned forward and hugged me, and I embraced her back. Over her shoulder, I could see my phone sitting on the couch’s side table–the same place I had left it last night.

“Alright, I need to eat something,” she said, pulling herself away. “I’m coming to the kitchen. You coming?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

I checked my phone. No new messages–as to be expected. Though I still owed Megan a message. I started to type out an apology for not messaging her sooner before I stopped myself. She deserved an apology for more than just that. Megan was my friend, and I hadn’t done a very good job of making sure she knew that. 

What would an adult do?

Me, to Megan: “Hey, I’m sorry about that, I was with some friends last night. But, speaking of friends, I know I haven’t been a very good one to you. I’d like a chance to fix that.”

From elsewhere in the house, Lyndie’s sing-song voice rang through the halls: “Clar-ky! Hurry to the kitchen before your eggs get cold!”

In the hallway, I paused in front of the mirror. It was the same mirror that I looked in last night before I greeted Paige at the door–the one that made me feel pathetic and infantile. I didn’t see that now. Aside from the blue onesie that disappeared into my jeans, I almost looked like an adult.

Almost.

Close enough for now.

Ninety

I missed spreadsheets.

There was a part of me that was disgusted for even thinking that, but it couldn’t be denied. There was something about them that I just found so interesting. Rows and columns of data, with calculations and equations used to manipulate one set of numbers into different ones. Sometimes I’d look at a spreadsheet and the actual context for it wouldn’t even matter–it was just a pocket universe in and of itself, with self-governing rules about how raw data was manipulated into other useful information. 

“How’s that report coming along?” Lyndie asked, strolling up to the side of my desk.

“Almost done, actually,” I said. 

Her eyebrows raised with some surprise. “Really? Already?”

I found the workplace to be where I felt the most mature. Ironic, I supposed, considering how the workplace was also where I tumbled so hard to infancy in the first place. Now, despite the diaper-friendly environment of this new office, it felt like a training ground for adulthood. I was in training pants–and had actually used the urinal in the restroom that morning. I had a cup of coffee at my desk. I had plans for lunch that didn’t involve diaper changes or being fed a bottle.

I shrugged. “It wasn’t that hard.”

Lyndie laughed. “Look…I’ve got plenty more where that came from. Just say the word, and you can do all the stuff I don’t want to do.”

“Bring it on.”

“I’m holding you to that,” she said. “Before I go back to my office, is there anything else I should be checking in on?”

I felt my cheeks warm a little. “I’m…dry.”

“I should just take your word for that?” “D-do you want to check?”

“I want to trust you. But you’ll earn that trust if you can keep showing me a dry diaper when you say it’s dry.”

“Fair enough.”

Someday, I’d be working at a place where I wouldn’t have my diaper checked. This wasn’t that day, and this wasn’t that place. I stood up from my chair and went through the motions of unfastening my belt and unbuttoning my pants before sliding them down my thighs.

“Ooh,” Lyndie cooed. “A pull-up. A little promotion, huh?”

“M-maybe.”

She carefully inspected the garment, running her hand up the middle of it. “It does seem dry.”

“Told you so.”

“You might just find yourself in big boy underpants sooner than later at this point.”

“Wouldn’t that be crazy?”

“I’m proud of you.”

I was so used to her sarcastic sense of humor that I thought she was somehow mocking me at first. But then I realized that she might have been serious. “Really?”

“You’re growing up,” she said, walking away from my desk. “And don’t worry–I’ll have plenty more reports for you to work on soon enough.”

I quickly hoisted my pants back into place and took a seat, basking for a moment in the warmth of her compliment. 

Risa was next on Lyndie’s list, it seemed, and I could hear Lyndie asking a similar question as she had asked me: “Is there anything I should be checking on?”

“W-well…” Risa said. “I might be a little soggy.”

“Stand up. Let me check your diapers.”

I didn’t bother looking up from my monitor–I could imagine the scene perfectly. I had been in Risa’s shoes countless times before. It never stopped feeling great knowing that I wasn’t the littlest baby in the office any more.

“Soggy?” Lyndie commented. “Risa, this thing is soaked. Your diaper is leaking. You’ve soaked through your dress. And…even your seat is soaking wet.”

“I…I didn’t realize.”

“Ms. Beaufort can change your diaper. And I hope that she has a change of clothes for you too. Either way, you can’t come back out here and use this chair again.”

“Wh-why not?”

“Because you’ll just get whatever you’re wearing wet again. Until this chair is dry, you'll just have to work on the floor.”

“Yes, Ms. Brown.”

Ms. Brown. What a power-trip that must’ve been for Lyndie.

“Oh, Clark?” Lyndie said to me, walking past my desk again. “One more thing.”

“Yes, Ms. Brown?” I asked with a grin.

She laughed. “Do you want to come to my office for a minute?”

“I’m not in trouble, am I?” I was only sort of joking.

“No,” she said. “But I might be.”

Curious.

In Lyndie’s office, with the door closed, I sat in a chair on the other side of her big wooden desk. Sometimes, Lyndie was the same person I shared a tiny closet with when we were both interns. Sometimes, like now, she looked different. She looked powerful. She looked important. She looked like she had made adulthood her bitch.

“I wanted to talk to you about Paige,” she said.

“Oh. Uhm, sure. What about her?”

“I don’t know how much you remember from the other night at your house…but I don’t think Paige and I were being all that subtle about, uhm…feeling something.”

I laughed. “Yeah…I know.”

“I was thinking maybe you and I should talk about that?”

“She’s not…mine,” I said. “She can do whatever she wants.”

“So progressive of you, Clarky,” she said. That was the sarcasm I expected from her. “I’m not here to ask you for permission. I’m here because I’m your friend, and I find myself attracted to someone who you seemed to have some sort of…connection with.”

“We’re not dating,” I said. “We never were. There might have been a spark there, but I think that fizzled when…uhm… I think we’re just friends.”

“Would it upset you if I…asked her out?”

I had to consider that for a minute. The pragmatic part of myself didn’t have an issue with it–she already knew that I was still lusting for Ava. And if she shared Lyndie’s attraction, who was I to get in the middle of that? The more emotional part of myself was a little more conflicted. I liked hanging out with Paige. I liked the direction things had been going in until I made the mistake of involving Ava. Even the other night, during our sleepover, I had thought once or twice about how nice it would be to have a partner like Paige.

But what could I offer her? Not the entirety of my heart. And if she knew there was a part of me still pining for Ava, how much of her heart could she offer me?

“All I want is for you to be happy,” I said. 

She smirked. “That’s not what I asked you.”

“I’m not going to be upset,” I said. That wasn’t entirely true. The idea stung a little bit. It’d sting when Lyndie told me they were actually going on a date. It’d sting when I saw the two of them together. But that wasn’t the worst thing in the world. I loved them both, and I knew I’d ultimately be happier for the both of them than I’d be bitter about it. “I promise.”

Lyndie sighed with relief. “Thank you, Clark.”

“Thank you for talking to me about it,” I said. Once again, my ‘big sister’ had been a good role model for maturity. No matter how awkward the conversation, sometimes they just needed to happen. I made note of that.

“What are you doing for lunch today?” she asked. “Maybe we can go grab a sandwich or something?”

“I’d love that,” I said. “But…I might have to take a raincheck on that. I have plans for lunch today.”

“Oh? Mommy feeding you a bottle?”

I laughed, feeling my cheeks blushing a little. “N-no… Actually, I was meeting with Megan today.”

“Megan? Oh wow. How is she?”

I shrugged. “No idea. Hence, getting lunch with her.”

“You know, I never really had the chance to get to know her.”

“I suspect the two of you would get along,” I said. “Maybe, if everything goes well today, I’ll have you two meet each other.”

“I’d like that,” Lyndie nodded.

Megan would probably like that too.

“Of course,” I said, “I do have to ask that you try not to fall in love with her too.”

“Touche,” Lyndie laughed.

“Wait,” I said as I was about to leave her office. “I have one more question for you.”

“Sure,” she said. “Go for it.”

“So…what did you whisper in Paige’s ear the other night.”

Lyndie bit her bottom lip and shrugged. “You know…we all had a lot to drink and…”

“C’mon. I know you remember.”

“That was between me and her. Maybe you should ask Paige sometime.”

“Maybe I will.”

“Good luck with that, though. I doubt she’d ever be able to repeat back what I said verbatim without fainting from embarrassment.

I made note of that too, and went on my way.

Just a few blocks away from the office was Lazy Cat–a tiny cafe stuffed in between a yoga studio and a liquor store. I probably walked past the place a thousand times while living in the city and never once realized it was there. When Megan asked me to meet her there, I almost didn’t believe the place existed at all.

Sure enough, there were a few tables and chairs set up on the sidewalk in front of the cafe when I got there. I don’t know how I never missed seeing them before–making me curious as to what other treasures were hidden inside this town. Sitting at one of the tables was Megan.

She looked amazing. She had always looked amazing, but this might have been the most amazing I had seen her yet. Her hair was voluminous. Her black and white dress looked like something a model would’ve worn on the cover of Vogue. 

“Clark,” she said, standing up. “Come here.”

I practically ran to her, throwing my arms around her as she embraced me back. “It’s been a while,” I said softly. 

“Just a little bit,” she said. “How are you?”

That was a complicated question. How did I sum up months and months of my life–arguably the strangest months I’d ever experience for the rest of my life–in a succinct way?  

“I’m good,” I said after a momentary pause. “And you?”

“Oh, I’m doing quite well, thank you.”

“You look amazing,” I said.

Her cheeks reddened a little, but she shrugged like it was the sort of things she heard all the time. “I like to dress up for work. I like to dress up.”

“No changes there, then. Though, I suppose Mr. Yang isn’t paying for those clothes anymore?”

Her face contorted for a moment and then she laughed. “Oh jeez. I almost asked you who that was. It’s, uh, been a while since I thought about him. No, I’m buying my own clothes these days. Paying for my own apartment. Paying for my own food. Paying for my own diapers.”

“You are still working back at the old office, right? Well…I guess it’s not old for you.”

“Still there,” she said. 

“How is it?”

She shrugged. “It’ll never be my dream job. And I still get pushback from assholes in suits who think that I’m less than them. But everytime I think about leaving and broadening my horizons, I get a raise or a promotion, and it convinces me to stay a little longer.”

“You’re happy, though?”

“I don’t need work to make me happy. I need work to help me afford the things that make me happy. Like pretty dresses and diapers.”

We both laughed.

“What about you? On the phone the other day you said you were working?”

“Sort of,” I said. “I’m working for Mommy–er, Ms. Heller again with her new company.”

“Ah yes. Neve Beaufort is there too?”

“And Lyndie,” I nodded.

“How is that?”

“Well…the office always smells like a nursery.”

“Ah. So diapers are encouraged?”

“Very much so.”

“Sounds like my kind of company,” she said. 

“Well…I have an in with the owner, so if you’re ever interested in a position, just let me know.”

“Very tempting,” she smiled.

A server approached our table and took our order. Once again, I was reminded of the simple details that contributed to feeling like an adult. It was more than having a job and not sucking on a pacifier in public–it was having a stranger ask what kind of bread you wanted your sandwich on. It was looking forward to a tall glass of freshly brewed unsweetened iced tea with a lemon wedge. It was the joy of looking across the table at a friend and not wondering when–not if–they were going to change your diaper.

“So,” Megan said, stirring the ice in her water with her straw. “I want to know everything.”

“Everything?”

“Catch me up, Clark. What happened after you and your Mommy walked out of the office and into the sunset together?”

“It might take a while.”

“I’ve got as much time as you do.”

“Uh, sure. So…”

I let her have it. Maybe not all of it, but most of it. I told her about how I had moved in with Mommy, abandoning almost everything else in my life. I told her of the months spent in diapers, acting and being treated like an actual baby. I told her about the realization that I wanted to be an adult again–though I left out the part where it was my infatuation for Ava that served as my inspiration–and the slow progression I had been making. I even told her about my training pants and the potty chair. 

I didn’t tell her about my mother. As best as I could recall, I hadn’t ever told Megan about who she had sent the pictures of my dirty diaper to–and I didn’t want her to ever think she owed me an apology. Megan may have hit the send button, but the moment was actually the culmination of my own actions and choices. That burden was mine, and mine alone–and now that I was in a better place with my mother, it seemed even less necessary to tell Megan about it.

Too, I didn’t tell her about Paige, nor did I tell her about the recent sleepover. They weren’t secrets, nor were they details I didn’t think Megan could handle–I just felt like I had already thrown so much at her, and I was eager to see how she felt about it all so far.

She shook her head. “Incredible. You know, you really ought to write about all this. It’d make for a hell of a book.”

“Well, I don’t know how much of a market there is for a book about a guy being made to use diapers, but…” 

“Trust me, someone will read it. Besides, it's way too wild to keep to yourself.”

Since my conversation with Paige a week ago, I had been thinking more and more about how much I wanted to commit my saga to words–and Megan’s suggestion only seemed to reinforce how good of an idea it was.

“I might do something like that,” I shrugged.

“So what now?” she asked. “You’re working towards getting back on your adult feet again. What are your next steps?”

“Well, I’m working again, so that’s a good start. I’m using the toilet again, too.”

Megan burst into laughter, shaking her head. “And I’m so proud of you for that.”

“Like, I love living with Mommy, er…”

“You don’t have to keep correcting yourself, silly. I know who ‘Mommy’ is.”

I blushed again as I nodded. “I love living with her. There’s a part of me that wants to live there for the rest of my life. But I need my own space, and she needs hers. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to, like, grow up if I stay there, you know?”

“That makes sense,” Megan said. “Have you been looking around for a place to live?”

“Not really. I mean…a little. But rent is so expensive anymore, and so I’d probably need a roommate. And then I start worrying about whether or not my roommate will discover my diapers or not. And then…”

Megan smiled. “Which part of ‘growing up’ requires diapers?”

“W-well, I mean…I know some people…” And I was thinking of Ava as I said this. “...choose to walk away from this stuff and they don’t want to go back to it. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely done with wearing them.”

“I’m teasing, Clark. And I understand what you mean. Honestly, I think it’s a good thing.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re allowed to like what you like. And I hope that you always have a place where you can express that.”

“Th-thank you.”

“May I float an idea out to you?” she asked.

“Sure.”

“When I decided that I no longer needed Darren Yang anymore…” She practically spat the name out like it put a bad taste in her mouth. “...I had to move out of the apartment he was renting for me. I downsized a bit, moving into this tiny studio apartment, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to afford much more than that. Well…I quickly outgrew the place, so I just signed a lease for a new two-bedroom place closer to the office. It was going to be cheaper for me to just run out the lease on the studio instead of breaking it, so…I still have it.”

I thought I saw where this was going, but I didn’t want to just assume. “So…?”

“Well, it’s not in the prettiest part of the city. But it’s a safe neighborhood. And it’s a lot cheaper than anything else that’s out there. If you’re interested…you could either apply to live there after my lease is up, or I could just renew the lease and sublet it to you.”

“Megan, that’s a huge offer. A-are you sure that you…”

“I wouldn’t offer it to you if I thought it was a bad idea. You’ve got a month to think it over, and then I need to tell the leasing office what I want to do with the studio apartment. I won’t be hurt if you don’t want it. But, I dunno, it seems like a nice place for someone who wants to get back on their feet again.”

I wanted to ask ‘why,’ but maybe she just answered that question. Once upon a time, probably not that long ago, she was getting back on her own feet as well–and now she was paying it forward.

“Thank you,” I said, as humbly as I could. “That means a lot to me, and I’m going to give that some serious consideration.”

“Of course,” she shrugged. “Honestly, your timing for reaching out to me was perfect. Any later, and I might have already given my notice that I wasn’t renewing the lease. And a place like that? It’d be snatched up in a minute.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to say hi,” I said. “It shouldn’t have.”

“It’s okay. It sounds like you had your hands full. Or…maybe Mommy had her hands full.”

“I…I shouldn’t just be let off the hook,” I said. “We had that really fun day together, and almost right after that I dropped off the face of the earth. That was uncool.”

She took a moment or two to consider my words. I appreciated that–if she quickly replied that it hadn’t bothered her, I’d have worried that she was just dismissing me. 

“I knew about what was happening,” she said. “So it’s not like you just disappeared into a void. I was happy for you too–maybe because there was a part of me that wished I was in your shoes. Or, uhm, your diaper. I mean…yeah, it sucked that I felt like I had just made a good friend, only for you to leave–but it was hard to take that personally. I sometimes think about my own transition. Not even the transition to ‘Megan’–just the transition into who I am, overall, now. I know there’s people I unintentionally left in the dust too. I know there were times I chose pleasure and self-fulfillment over my friends.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again.

“Thank you,” she nodded. “But you don’t owe me any more apologies. You were the first friend I had made in a long time, and that helped motivate me to make some big changes in my life. I’ll always be thankful to you for that. You and I will always be good, Clark. Promise.”

I felt tears welling in my eyes, and I not-so-discreetly had to wipe them from my face. “I’m so glad we’re finally hanging out again.”

“Likewise. I missed having someone I can talk about diapers with.”

I laughed. “Are you not listening to me? I’m trying to grow up.”

“You’ll always have diapers, Clark.”

“I know, I know. So you’re still wearing them, then?”

“Not as much as I’m sure you are,” she shrugged. “But regularly. I tried real hard to find people to share that part of myself with.”

“How’s that been going?”

“Awful,” she laughed. 

I was laughing too–I tried to imagine a world where I didn’t know anyone else with a diaper kink and had to find them on my own. It never really occurred to me how lucky I was that I accidentally found Mommy–and everyone else I had met on my journey thus far.

“Are you seeing anyone?” I asked.

“Why? You interested?”

“N-no, I… I mean, I wish, but… Uh…”

She was laughing again, more of a cackle this time. “It never fails to amaze me how easy it is to get you all worked up.”

I sighed and shrugged, unsure of what else to say.

“I’m seeing this nice young man named Ryan,” she said. “He’s a real daddy-type, though he doesn’t know that yet.”

I chuckled under my breath. “He doesn’t know about your diapers?”

“Not yet. But one of these days, he’s going to pull down my pants and find a padded surprise waiting for him.”

“A soaking wet surprise,” I nodded.

“Probably,” she shrugged.

“If that happens, I’d love to hear what happened next.”

“I bet you would, dirty baby.”

“What about you?” she asked. “Is the big baby back on the dating scene yet?”

“Uh…sort of,” I shrugged.

“You had a little thing for that other assistant-girl didn’t you? Ava?”

I couldn’t remember if Megan and I had ever talked about that before or not. But if we hadn’t–we probably didn’t need to. I imagined it was pretty obvious to anyone who knew either myself or Ava.

“Yeah, just a little crush.” Just–as if Ava wasn’t at the forefront of my mind 90% of the time.

“Do you keep in touch with her?”

“Uh huh,” I nodded. “She’s, uhm, not a ‘baby’ anymore though.”

“That’s a shame. For you.”

“And she’s dating someone else,” I added. “Someone else who’s, like, not a baby either.”

“Ah,” Megan smiled knowingly. “That sounds like a good reason for a little boy like you to try and grow up.”

“Maybe.”

Later, after our longer than expected lunch, I walked back to the office with a little extra pep in my step. Seeing Megan had been incredibly nice, and may have been a little extra fortuitous if access to her studio apartment was in the cards now.

That felt like good luck. No, that felt like fate. It felt like being rewarded for good decisions.

I was thinking about spreadsheets again, and imagining my life laid out across one. Some of the cells held raw data–actual numbers, representing decisions I’ve made for myself. Some of the data in other cells, however, would be the results of calculations and equations–possibilities of my life to come, based on the decisions I’ve made.

I couldn’t control all the data, but I could control some of it. 

I thought about what Mommy had said the day prior about confronting Ava and telling her how I felt. I still didn’t love the idea–but a conversation like that was, at least, raw data.

And that seemed better than leaving it up to calculations that were beyond my control.

[zzzz50]

 

“Where whatever you want to. If you want to be a big boy today, go for it.”

I think this should be “wear”.

 

Another great couple of chapters. A question, I thought one of the many downsides of wearing a cage was that it required sitting on the toilet to pee but Clark mentions using the urinal. Is that possible? I don’t have any personal knowledge of the details so maybe it can be done.

[quietlyhumiliated]

Ninety-One

It was dark enough to know that I was awake much earlier than I needed to be. Three or four in the morning, if I was to guess. I’d have checked my phone, but Mommy liked to ‘suggest’ that I leave it out of my crib and on the dresser where “it won’t provide unnecessary distractions.”

She probably wasn’t wrong about that.

I was quick to determine the source of my interrupted sleep–my pull-up was warm and swollen. Had I really wet myself? Sure, I had my share of nighttime accidents back when I was living the life of an overgrown infant–but I thought I was past that now. I was barely having any accidents during the day, and it had been a few weeks since the last time I woke up wet.

So what did this mean? Was it possible that I’d be dealing with this for the rest of my life? One day, I’d be 40-something years old and still waking up in an occasionally wet bed?

Well, what would a baby do? Probably cry about it until Mommy came rushing in to change my diaper.

A while back, in said time when I was living my babiest life, Mommy had a baby monitor in the nursery. It was rare that it was actually used–though she still turned it on most nights. If nothing else, it was a good reminder that I was always under Mommy’s caring eye. Just in case. Once or twice I had woken up, much like I had now, with an unexpectedly dirty diaper and I had actually utilized the monitor–making pathetic whining noises into it until a groggy Mommy appeared in the doorway.

These days, the monitor was turned off. I would be stuck in my soaked pull-up until I either changed myself or until Mommy came in to check on me in the morning.

All it takes is getting a diaper rash once or twice before you’ll do anything you can to prevent yourself from getting it again. Waiting for Mommy was out of the question–I was going to have to take care of this myself.

I reached around the crib bars and lowered the sliding side panel to allow for my exit. It was only then that I realized the mattress was a little damp too. Not only had I wet myself, but I had wet myself pretty good. More than a pull-up was capable of handling, at least. 

The prospect of explaining this to Mommy felt dangerous. I could almost hear her voice as she put her hands on her hips: “You know what this means, don’t you, Baby? Maybe we were a little too quick to move on from diapers to pull-ups. How about you lie down on the changing table and Mommy gets a new diaper for you?” And then, if she was going to say that, maybe she’d follow it up with: “Maybe you’re just not ready for this whole ‘growing up’ thing.”

There was a small lamp on a table in the corner of the nursery. It was rarely ever used because it was so dim–but in the early morning hours when I wanted to be more discreet, it seemed perfect. I flicked it on and snuck over to the changing table, so that I could rifle through the various diapers stacked in the built-in shelves, hoping to find another pull-up. Gosh, we have so many diapers. Pink diapers. Blue diapers. White diapers. Diapers with cartoon prints on them. Diapers with animals. Diapers with… Well, I could do this all morning.

Even supposing that I was still at my most babyish, and l was in diapers full-time for the foreseeable future, we had years worth of diapers in this house. There were the ones here in the changing table, and there were more in the closet. There were more stowed away in the basement. Almost every room in the house had a small stack of diapers in it somewhere.

What happened to them when this was done? What happened to the furniture and the clothes and the baby food and the bottles and the potty chair?

I almost felt tears forming in my eyes as I thought about the future of the little world Mommy and I had created. There you go crying–just like a baby. 

But then I heard something. A man’s voice. I couldn’t determine what he was saying, but the smooth baritone seemed to float down the hallway. I creeped to the door, slowly opening it so I could peer out. There were no lights on in the house, and with not even a window in the hallway, I was peering into the blackness. From the far end of the hallway, though, where Mommy’s bedroom was, I could see a faint glow under the door. 

I heard the man’s voice again.

Does Mommy have company over tonight? That didn’t sound like the sort of thing she’d do without telling me–but maybe the rules have changed since we began to embrace the inevitable conclusion of our time under the same roof. I cautiously stepped out into the hallway and slowly made my way closer to her bedroom door. I wasn’t sure if I was upset about the prospect of her sharing her bed with another man or not, but at the very least, I just needed to know.

“...we’re talking about years of stagnant growth,” the man’s voice said. “Sure, you can point at the fact that the company remains profitable–and that’s not nothing–but I just don’t think that’s enough anymore. The shareholders need to see growth.”

Jeez. If that was what adults considered dirty talk, then I was better off staying in diapers.

“Clark?” came Mommy’s voice from the other side of the door. “Is that you?”

I sighed. I wonder what gave me away. Was I not as stealthy as I thought I was? Had she seen my feet underneath her door?

“Y-yeah…”

“Come in.”

I held my breath and cautiously turned the doorknob. I was scared that on the other side of the door, Mommy and some stranger would be canoodling in her bed–and his first sight of me would be while I was in a soaked pull-up.

But there wasn’t anyone else in bed with her. Instead, she was staring down at her tablet, where a video was playing and the baritone man was continuing to talk about…money, or something.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I just heard something and…”

“Did I wake you? I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep so I was just watching some videos. I didn’t realize it was so loud.”

“N-no,” I said. “I probably would’ve slept right through it, but, uhm…”

“What is it?”

I sighed. “I…had an accident.”

“Oh my. I’m sorry, Baby.”

“I-it’s okay.” I almost felt like I needed to plead for her not to demote me back to diapers–but I bit my tongue for the moment.

“Well, since you need a change, and I’m up anyway, maybe we should take care of that?”

“I-I can do it,” I said. “Stay in bed.”

“I trust that you could handle it if you wanted to. But if you want help, I’m here.”

I glanced at Mommy’s alarm clock on her nightstand, revealing the time to be, as predicted, just shy of 3 AM. If it were any lighter outside–or if I was any less drowsy–maybe I’d want to tackle my pull-up on my own. But, seeing as how she was up anyway…

“O-okay, Mommy,” I said. “If you don’t mind.”

“I never mind.”

She slid from her bed, pausing the baritoned man and leaving the tablet behind as she grabbed my hand and led me back to the nursery.

“A nighttime accident,” she said as we walked. “Does that happen often?”

“No,” I said. I wondered if she believed me when I said that–maybe she was suspicious that it’d been happening regularly and I was hiding it from her. I added: “I’d tell you if it was.”

“Everyone has an accident now and then,” she said.

“Even you?”

“Everyone but me,” she laughed. I laughed too. 

Without being told to, I crawled atop the changing table and laid myself out flat. Legs spread. 

“Do you want another pull-up?” she asked. “Or…do you think I should get a diaper instead?”

“I, uhm…” I felt my cheeks warming.

“There’s no wrong answer, Clarky.”

“Pull-up?”

“Is that a question?”

“Pull-up,” I said, making it sound like a more definitive choice.

“Very well,” she said, reaching beneath the changing table. Whereas I had dug through multiple compartments without finding a pull-up, she seemed to have no trouble finding another in just a second or two. “No diaper, huh? Are you not a baby anymore?”

As tempting as it was to sing “I’m a big kid now,” I just shrugged instead. 

“My little boy is growing up,” she sighed, pulling the soaked pull up down my legs before discarding it in the diaper bin. “You know, Lyndie mentioned to me the other day that she saw you leaving the restroom at the office.”

It was a little embarrassing to hear that my bathroom habits were topics of conversation between Mommy and Lyndie, but I supposed that was to be expected. “Uh huh.”

“And did you make tinkles in the urinal like a big boy?”

I nodded.

“Did you drop your stinkies in the toilet?”

“N-not yet…”

“Ah, you save that for home, is that it?” she giggled. 

A few days ago, I had been sitting on Ms. Potty for Mommy while she cooked dinner when I found myself unloading my bowels into it. I hadn’t expected to do that–though once I started, I found it impossible to stop. Mommy had been gratuitous enough to wipe me clean and take care of the now-heavy potty chair–though she hadn’t let me live it down since. It was, currently, her favorite thing to tease me about.

“I didn’t mean to…”

“I know. I’m just having fun.” She had produced a baby wipe, and was running it over my skin–letting it casually glide over the chastity.

“Why can’t you sleep?” I asked.

“Would you believe me if I said I wet myself too?”

I shook my head. I wish that was true, though.

“I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately,” she shrugged. “I’ve got a lot going on in this head of mine.”

“Like what?”

She dusted my midsection with some baby powder–though it seemed to be noticeably less than what she usually used–before opening up the new pull-up and slipping it over my feet.

“Oh, you don’t want to hear about all my woes.”

“Of course I do.”

“We can talk about them later,” she said. “I’m worried that if we talk about them now, I’ll give you nightmares. You’ll never want to grow up once you start thinking about ‘adult’ problems.”

I laughed. “I miss having ‘adult’ problems.” Though my challenges with Ava were probably more in the ‘adult’ category than the ‘baby’ one.

“Did your pull-up leak in the crib?” she asked, leaving me on the changing table as she walked towards the crib.

“Yeah,” I blushed. “A little.”

“Hm. Damp,” she nodded, running her hand across the mattress. “Yet another project for Marnie. C’mon, kiddo. You’re sleeping with Mommy.”

“R-really?”

“We still have to get up in a few hours, but that’s plenty of time to get a little more sleep.”

It was back to Mommy’s room, and soon after she was the big spoon to my little spoon. Her hands were wrapped around me, holding me against her body like I was a big stuffed animal. Not that I minded that.

I was tempted to dig a little more on what had kept her up, but maybe it wasn’t that hard to guess. She was still trying to figure it all out–just like I was. I still thought about what I overheard her saying to Ms. Beaufort on the phone that one night–how she didn’t want to be alone, and how she didn’t only want to be defined by her job. That would keep me up too.

Sometimes, thoughts like that did keep me up.

“Are you awake?” she whispered to me.

“I am.”

“How are you?”

It was such a simple question that it almost didn’t make any sense to me. “Uhm…I’m good.”

She laughed a little. “For a while there, I had you all to myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re seeing your friends and making plans and all that. But it’s been a while since I’ve had to check in–I’m used to you just always being around me.”

“I’m good,” I said again, feeling a little more confident with my answer, now that I knew the context for the question. “How are you?”

“Oh…I’m fine.”

“You can’t sleep?” I asked.

“As soon as I can turn my brain off, I can sleep just fine.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“The future,” she said. “It’s almost always the future.”

I knew that if I asked her to elaborate, she probably would. We could have a whole conversation about it. But I already know the things she’s thinking about and worrying about. They’re the same things I sometimes worry about. 

I try a different approach: “You’re going to be okay. The future is going to be good.”

She squeezes me a little tighter.  Her hands slide down my belly to my pull-up, slipping under the waistband. She gently fondles my caged cock.

“Will you miss this when it’s gone?” she whispers into my ear.

I’m quick to answer: “No.” But then I think about it for another second and I’m less sure. “M-maybe.”

“I want to play with it,” she said. “May I? It might help me get some sleep.”

A little buzz was spreading throughout my body. “Of course. It’s yours, after all. You can do anything you want with it.”

She titters at this and retracts her hands from my diaper. A moment later, she’s rolling away from me. I wondered if I had somehow said something to offend her, or if she had changed her mind–but she then suddenly rolls back into her previous position, and her hands slip into my pull-up again.

This time, I can feel that she has something in her hand. I practically giggle with excitement. Is that what I think it is?

She slid something into the chastity’s lock. She turned it. There was a click, and this followed by the sudden feeling of pressure being released. Her other hand gripped the cage and gently pulled it free of the back ring and off my cock. I wasted no time in getting erect, my cock seeming to instantaneously inflate.

“My my,” she cooed into my ear. “Someone’s happy to be free.”

Her fingers wrapped around my shaft, and she gripped it like it was a sword. I almost started begging if I could fuck her, but I wasn’t even sure that I cared. It felt good to be free, and it felt good to have her hand on my shaft like this. Literally anything she wanted to do would be fine by me.

“Uh huh,” was the only thing I could manage to get out of my mouth.

“Sometimes I regret locking you up like this,” she whispered.

“R-really?”

“Don’t get me wrong–it’s good that I did lock you up. But just think of the fun we’d have had if you weren’t locked up. How many times do you think you would’ve blown your load into your diaper if you weren’t locked up?”

Her hand began to slowly stroke my cock, her fingers sliding up the shaft to the head, pausing, and then sliding back down the length of it.

“Uhm…lots.”

“Yeah, I think so too. Once a day, at least.”

“Uh huh.”

Her hand slid up my shaft.

“Probably every time you poop yourself, huh?”

“Y-yeah…”

Her hand slid down it.

“I know you, Clarky. You’d have a big load in your diaper and you’d sit right down in the ground in your own mess–so riled up that you can’t help but start playing with yourself.”

“Y-yes…I would…”

“I, uhm, heard a rumor earlier today,” she said. “The other night, someone had a potty chair full of Ava’s pee poured into their diaper?”

Her hand slid up my shaft.

“Y-you heard about that? Who told you?”

“That’s not as important right now. What I want to know is if it happened or not.”

Her hand slid down it.

“It happened,” I said.

“Did you like it?”

She already knew the answer to this, but that wasn’t the point of her asking. “Yes.”

Her hand slid up my shaft.

“If you weren’t in a cage, what do you think would’ve happened in that moment?”

I replayed that scene again in my head–the same scene that had played a few times since that night. Paige and Ava were holding my diaper open, and Lyndie was pouring the contents of the potty chair into my diaper. Except this time, per Mommy’s suggestion, I was imagining that my dick wasn’t confined to chastity. This time, it was sticking straight up, the head of it even poking out of the diaper as the girls pulled it open. They pointed and laughed at me as the warm piss cascaded off of it and trickled down my shaft into the diaper. Maybe they’d playfully poke at it. It wouldn’t take much–just the slightest amount of attention at that point would be enough for me to erupt, and I’d add my sticky load to the already soaked diaper. Much to the girls’ delight. Mine too.

“Baby?” Mommy whispered. “You’re making some lovely moaning sounds, but you haven’t actually answered my question.”

“O-oh? Uhm…”

Her hand slid down it.

“...I’d have cum. Right there on the spot. In front of them.”

“And you would’ve loved that too, huh?”

“Yeah…” Every single second of it.

Her hand slid up my…

“Ungh,” I groaned, a remarkably unsexy sound–the primal noise of peak ecstasy being reached.

“Are you going to cum, Clarky?”

“Y-yes… So close.”

“You want to, don’t you?”

“Unnnngh,” I moaned again. “So badly… Please!”

“You don’t need my permission, big boy. Go ahead.”

I did. I might have even been ejaculating before she even finished getting the word ‘ahead’ out of her mouth. I unleashed another unsexy torrent of strange groans as a rather sizable blob erupted inside my pull-up. In an instant, it felt like my cum was everywhere. So it goes when I had been denied for so long.

“Perfect,” Mommy said softly. “Such a good boy. Do you feel better?”

“O-of course.” 

I expected this to be the part where she pulled her sticky hands out of my diaper and washed them off before we actually tried to get some sleep–but she made no effort to move. Her hands remained in my pull-up, and I was still held closely against her–my back against her chest.

She was snoring in my ear–adorable little sounds that almost sounded like kitten purrs. I failed to see how jerking me off had managed to put her to sleep–but I was happy that she could at least finally get any sleep at all.

And soon after, I found myself drifting off to sleep myself–Mommy’s hands still lodged in my gooey diaper.

When I woke in the morning, I was on my back. Also, I was alone. 

I was still in Mommy’s bed, though she was somewhere else. Judging by the smell of freshly brewed coffee slowly making its way up the stairs, it was fair to assume she had already gotten her morning started.

“Wow,” I said softly to myself. We hadn’t been sleeping in her bed together for too long, but the sleep we got felt good–maybe the best I had in a while.

The events of the early morning hours were slowly returning to me. I had wet myself in my sleep. The crib mattress was still wet. Mommy changed me. I cuddled with Mommy in bed. She…unlocked my cage?

I quickly slid my hands into my pull-up to confirm. My fingertips met the warmed steel of the chastity cage.

That crafty devil had put my cage back on this morning when she got up. And I slept through that whole thing.

Or, she never took it off and you just dreamed that. Possible, though I was pretty sure it happened.

Though, that begged the question: If that wasn’t when she was taking off the cage permanently–just when did she imagine that would happen? 

 

Ninety-Two

I hadn’t told Mommy about Megan’s studio apartment. I hadn’t told anyone about it yet, actually. I wanted to, and I knew I would eventually, but I just needed some more time to think about it more.

For the first few days after my lunch with Megan, I was mostly filled with worry. It was going to be a tough conversation to have with Mommy–no matter how inevitable that conversation would be. She was going to cry. I was going to cry. It would probably be a big mess.

But that would pass. And once I decided to believe that the discomfort of that conversation would be temporary, I started to get excited about everything that came after. I’d have a place of my own. A place that I could call ‘home’ without the little asterisk after it that denoted that I was just borrowing someone else’s for the time being. I’d have my own TV. My own waffle maker. My own coffee pot. My own toilet scrubbing brush. Hell…my own toilet.

I wondered what my first bill would be. I wondered where I’d keep my mail. I wondered how many sets of bed sheets I’d have and how often I’d rotate them. 

I didn’t mind keeping this excitement to myself for a little longer. It felt good to have it simmering inside me, just short of a full boil. For the first time in a very long time, adulthood seemed…right.

“You’re coming, right?” Ava asked.

I had momentarily forgotten where I was, and who I was with. Lyndie and I had agreed to meet Ava and Caleb for dinner after work at a taqueria that Lyndie wouldn’t shut up about. 

“Uhm, I’m sorry. What are we talking about?” I blushed a little, realizing I was fantasizing about keeping popsicles in my new freezer while Ava was talking.

“Saturday night,” she said. “Lyndie and I’s place. You’re coming?”

“Oh. Yeah, of course I’ll be there.”

Lyndie had already told me about the little gathering earlier in the day, and I had already committed myself to it–which was probably why I had tuned out the current conversation about it. As Lyndie explained it, it wasn’t quite a ‘party,’ though it was bigger than a ‘get-together.’ Just some friends coming over for drinks and board games. “Caleb will be there,” she had already warned me. “And I think some of his friends too.”

But I wasn’t going to let that stop me. The slowly blooming adult-Clark thirsted for social interaction, and if Ava and Lyndie were going to be there, I’d be fine.

“Is Paige coming?” I asked.

Ava snickered behind her hand, shooting a wry grin over to Lyndie. “You better believe it.”

“Who’s Paige again?” Caleb asked, swallowing a bite of his enchilada.

“She’s my friend,” Lyndie said, her cheeks getting a little extra pink in them.

I wondered if Lyndie had made any sort of advance on Paige since the sleepover at Mommy’s house. I saw Lyndie almost every day at the office, and I was still regularly texting Paige–and  yet neither of them had talked about the other very much, beyond the conversation I had with Lyndie in her office.

“Hey, do you mind if I bring a friend with me?” I asked.

Lyndie looked at me incredulously. “What friend do you have that we don’t already know?” If it came from anyone else, it’d have been seen as rude. But Lyndie could get away with questions like that.

Caleb snorted into his margarita.

“Megan. I’ve wanted to introduce everyone to her for a while now, and this seems like a good time to do it.”

“Yes, please,” Ava nodded. “The more the merrier!”

I occasionally tried to read Caleb’s face, but I just didn’t know him well enough to get much from it. He was either very chill, or completely disengaged. My instinct was to assume the worst from him, but I knew that wasn’t being very fair. If Ava saw something in him, I trusted that he was an alright guy.

“You into board games?” Caleb asked me.

“Uh, I assume we’re not talking about, like, Battleship and Yahtzee…”

“I mean, those are fun too. But I was thinking more along the lines of Eurogames.”

“Oh. Is that like…Catan?”

“Yeah, games like that. Resource-management and strategy focused. Less luck based.”

The luck comment sort of felt like a dig at the games I mentioned, but I tried not to overthink it. “Cool. Is that the sort of stuff you’re into?”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “Love ‘em. I just got this new game, Titans of…”

“Oh my god,” Ava sighed, though keeping a playful tone to her disgust. “If I have to hear about this game one more time, I’m going to go crazy.”

“My buddies and I are really into it right now,” he continued, shrugging her off. He didn’t do it in a rude way. In fact, it was almost kind of endearing–another one of those cute interactions between a couple who knew each other well. “I’ll be bringing it to Ava’s place, so you’ll have to play with us.”

Damn, and now he’s going to be nice to me? I wish he’d at least try giving me a reason to hate him.

“Yeah, cool,” I said. “Can’t wait.” I swore I saw Lyndie’s lips twitch into a tiny smile out of the corner of my eye.

There was a strange energy at the table, though it wasn’t the first time I had felt–I was pretty sure it was like this when Paige and I went on our ‘date’ with Ava and Caleb. It was probably our secret–three of the four of us knew all about our diapered life. Caleb, as far as I knew, was on the outside of that world. We were all talking around it, whether we realized it or not. 

I wondered if Ava would tell him about diapers. Maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she never had to. But she seemed to want them pretty bad at the sleepover–and I doubted that was the last time she’d crave them. Sooner or later, whether she wanted him to or not, he’d probably find out about them. 

“I’ll tell you what’s crazy,” Caleb said–probably responding to something someone else said that I missed. “But Ava is, like, obsessed with milk right now.”

Ava’s face grew hot pink. “Wh-what? That’s not true!”

“Oh please,” he laughed. “You should see her. She’ll buy a half-gallon jug at the grocery store and go through the whole thing in a weekend.”

“I…like milk,” she spat. “That’s not the weirdest thing in the world, is it?”

I was biting my tongue, and Lyndie was just barely containing a giggle. Poor Ava. Was she looking for something to take the place of Ms. Beaufort’s breastmilk? From my own experience, it was far from the same thing–but it might have been what I would’ve gone for too.”

“N-no,” I said. “People drink milk.”

“Do you drink a full glass of milk?” Caleb asked.

Not since I was a little boy. But I’m more interested in having Ava’s back: “Sure.”

“I dunno,” Caleb laughed. “I just think it’s weird.”

“I agree with that,” Lyndie smirked. “Milk is for cereal, an ingredient in baking, and for babies.”

Ava blushed a little, shooting Lyndie an angry glance. “W-well, you’re wrong about all of that. I’m not a baby and I like it just fine.”

Nobody made any further comments about it–but we didn’t really have to. Lyndie and I had gotten plenty of secret amusement out of the conversation at Ava’s expense.

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, and it sent a little jolt of joy through my body. New text messages were still exciting to me, though I knew that I’d get sick of the need to be tethered to my phone at some point. I slid my phone out to take a quick look at the screen and see who was reaching out. It was Mommy.

Mommy: “Just a heads up–It looks like we’ll be having company over later this week. I’d tell you to be on your best behavior, but she’s already seen you at your worst.”

Well that was interesting. I slid my phone back into my pocket; as badly as I wanted to ask Mommy for more information, I didn’t want to be rude and start texting while at dinner with my friends. But now I was curious. Who was our company going to be? Why couldn’t she have just told me?

I was sure it wasn’t Lyndie or Ava. It wouldn’t be Paige. Ms. Beaufort? Unlikely, considering I saw her at the office regularly. Courtney? Maybe; I hadn’t seen her in a while. But Courtney was my babysitter, and if she was coming over, it’d mean that Mommy was going out. Mommy specifically said ‘we’ll’ be having company, so I doubted it was her.

But who else had seen me at my worst? My mother? I kind of hoped she wasn’t our guest. I wouldn’t have been unhappy to see my mother, honestly, but I disliked the notion that Mommy and my mother had stayed in contact and had planned to get together again without talking to me.

So, maybe, it was my mother–though I had some doubts about that. I think Mommy would’ve said so if it was her–knowing how big of a deal it was the last time I saw her.

Who else could it be then? Who else had seen me at my worst? I could not think of anyone else.

“...so I guess that’s why you have to keep upgrading it,” Lyndie was saying. “But I don’t like doing it.”

I must’ve been in a daze for a little longer than I thought, because I didn’t have the slightest clue what they were talking about.

“Do you play videogames?” Caleb asked me. I couldn’t tell if this was what they were talking about, or if we were starting a whole new conversation. 

“I guess,” I shrugged. “I used to play them when I was younger, but I haven’t really touched them in years.” 

“I was never into them myself,” Ava said. “But now, whenever I go to Caleb’s house, I hold his PlayStation hostage.”

Lyndie laughed. “I can’t even imagine you as a gamer. What do you play?”

“I dunno,” Ava shrugged. “I’ve got a gun and I shoot things? What’s that one called?”

“You’ve played, like four or five different games, Ave,” he snorted.

“Wait…they weren’t all the same game?”

We were all laughing pretty hard.

I hadn’t been given any updates about where things were between Ava and Caleb since the sleepover. Though, why would I have–it wasn’t necessarily my business. Still, I was curious about where things were at with them. Was Ava still seeking a bigger commitment from Caleb? Was he still dragging his feet? They both seemed to be in good spirits overall, so it was hard to believe there was any sort of conflict. 

Was it bad that I wished there was some noticeable tension between them? Probably.

This is going to be the way it is. They weren’t going to break up, and they were going to work through their problems–if they hadn’t already. Caleb would be bringing his friends over to Ava and Lyndie’s little game night next weekend. Friends that Ava probably already knew. I thought about Ava stretched out on Caleb’s couch with a video game controller in her hands while Caleb rubbed her back and encouraged her to kill the monsters, or whatever it was she was shooting at. I thought about him teasing her about drinking so much milk and the way she probably blushed, but still giggled, at him. 

They were a couple. They were probably in love. And while I wanted nothing more than to stand on my chair and follow Mommy’s suggestion of proclaiming my love for her, I knew in that moment that it’d be better to keep my mouth shut. I’d be a much better friend to Ava if I just let her have the thing she was happy with.

This was going to be the way it was. And maybe that was okay. Ava was happy, and I was happy for her. Things didn’t work out between Paige and I, but I helped introduce her to Lyndie–and that certainly seemed to be going well. 

So it goes. 

I wondered if, perhaps, I’d be a little bit happier if I wasn’t always focused on needing a relationship. I could be moving into a place of my own soon. It was a fresh start–a prime opportunity to just find my own path and let whatever happens, happen. 

That was probably easier said than done, of course. But it felt like a healthy choice to make. 

Soon, we were saying our goodbyes to each other as we parted for the night. Ava and Caleb were headed back to Caleb’s place. When Lyndie asked if she’d see Ava back at their apartment later, Ava responded with “probably not,” while grinning a little. 

I tried my hardest to just not think about it much.

“What about you?” Lyndie asked me after Ava and Caleb departed. “You want to hang out tonight?”

I didn’t have anywhere else I needed to be, though I kind of wanted to go home and talk to Mommy about her cryptic text. 

“Okay,” she said, perhaps sensing that I might’ve had other things on my mind. “We don’t have to go all the way back to my place. But we could at least grab a drink.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Sure.” One drink. Then I’d go home and talk to Mommy.

We settled on a quiet little hole in the wall that was a block or two from the taqueria. On a busier night, I could see this place being a nightmare to traverse–it was like a hallway with a bar counter jammed in it. Tonight, thankfully, the lack of other patrons gave it a cozier vibe.

I decided I wouldn’t talk about Ava. Unless Lyndie brought her up first, of course.

“How’re things with Paige?” I asked.

“We’ve been texting a little,” Lyndie shrugged. “But we haven’t actually hung out since we were all at your place.”

“But things are going well?”

She nodded, her cheeks a little pink again. “I think so.”

“You’re such a sucker for a needy baby in a diaper,” I teased.

“Ugh, don’t I know it. It’s like a weird disease.”

“Don’t act like you don’t love it.”

She sighed. “I know, I know. So…any regrets about letting me get my hands all over her?”

I shook my head. “Not yet.”

“Oh, but maybe later?”

I laughed and shrugged. “I don’t like to rule anything out.”

“Actually, maybe I should give you the same warning I gave Paige.”

I lifted my eyebrows. “Hm?”

“So with this little gathering we’re throwing–this isn’t, like, a baby party. There’s going to be a bunch of folks there who aren’t wearing diapers. I don’t care if you wear your diapers, but just–y’know–be careful about it?”

I almost laughed in her face. Did she really think I forgot to act in public? Then again… Maybe, were I in her shoes, I’d have asked me to be mindful of my diapers too.

The first thing out of my mouth was: “I wear pull-ups now,” which wasn’t quite the argument I hoped it would be.

“I don’t care what you wear, Clarky. Keep it in your pants, and be respectful. Worst case scenario–if you have some sort of pants-filling emergency–you come find me. In fact, let’s make a code word for that right now.”

“Rutabaga?”

“Uhm…no. You come up to me at a party and say ‘rutabaga,’ and people are going to start asking why you’re running around talking about rutabagas.”

“Fair enough. So, instead…”

“Ask me about my ficus.”

“You’re…?”

“It’s a plant, Clark. It’s in the living room–not that it matters. If you ask me about my ficus, I’ll know there’s some sort of diaper-related emergency, and hopefully we can take care of it before anyone else notices. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Does Megan wear diapers?”

“Uhm…I think so? I don’t know if she’d wear them to your party though.” Of course, I hadn’t even reached out to Megan to invite her yet. 

“Well, spread the word. Ficus. I’m going to let Paige know too. Look–if it was up to me? I wouldn’t care if all you babies wanted to run around and poop your pants in front of the normies.”

Normies. As if the world was broken into two camps: the ‘normies,’ and the…whatever freaks we were with our stinky diapers.

Lyndie continued: “But this is important to Ava. She wants to impress Caleb’s friends. She wants to throw this sorta, I dunno, ‘adult’ party. I think it’s all kind of silly, but maybe that’s just because I don’t have anyone in my life I want to impress like that.”

“Paige?”

She laughed. “There’s plenty of ways to impress her without doing anything ‘adult.’”

“Fair enough. Look, I’ll…mention it to Megan, okay?”

“Thank you, Clark. Anyway…how are you?”

I shrugged as I took a sip from my pint glass. “I’m fine.”

“I mean, like, with the whole Ava thing. Do you want to talk about it?”

Well, I did say that I was only going to talk about it if she started the conversation. And here she was, doing just that.

“She’s happy?” I asked.

“Sure,” Lyndie said. “But she’s almost always happy.”

“Things are better between her and Caleb?”

“She says they are,” Lyndie said, taking a swig from her glass bottle. “I don’t always believe that, but…I’m not her. So what more can I do but take her word for it?”

“Look, just so you know,” I said, “I think I’m going to start hanging back a little when Ava’s around.” I almost surprised myself by saying the words out loud. I had barely even formed the thoughts in my head and they were already on my tongue. “I mean–I’ll come to your game night and I’m going to be all friendly and stuff. But after that, I’m going to try and spend a little less time with her.”

“She’s going to be hurt by that,” Lyndie said.

“M-maybe she won’t notice, you know? Like, I’m not going to completely cut her out. I’ll just be a little slower to respond to her texts. Maybe I won’t show up everytime you and her want me to hang out with y’all. It doesn’t even have to permanently be like this. I just need a little time to, like, move on. Then I’ll be good to go.”

Lyndie didn’t immediately respond, though she did nod as she took another sip from her beer–a nice long sip that ended with her placing the empty bottle on the bar and asking for another.

“I get it,” she finally said. “I don’t like it. But I get it.”

“And you won’t tell Ava?”

“Nah,” she said, shaking her head. 

For a few minutes, it felt like there was a gray cloud hanging over the two of us. But then she put her hand on my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze that seemed to disperse the cloud. She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. She always knew how to make me feel better.

“Hey, so here’s something,” I said, feeling a little re-energized. And I proceeded to make her the first person I told about Megans’s studio. 

The conversation went well–of course it would, Lyndie was always going to be supportive of any effort I made to grow and mature. Her approval–any approval, really, but hers especially–was like a drug to me, and I needed a good hit of that approval right now to distract me from some of my other feelings.

As promised, Lyndie gave me a ride back to Mommy’s when we were done, and it wasn’t until we were halfway home that I remembered Mommy’s text from earlier. I was racking my brain once more, curious as to who had ‘already seen me at my worst.’ I was nervous. I was also a little excited. 

I had asked Lyndie to come inside with me and say hi to Mommy for a few minutes, but she decided she needed to go home and get some sleep. Honestly, I was happy with that decision–I didn’t want to further delay the revelation as to who Mommy’s mystery guest was.

“Hello, Clarky,” she said, meeting me in the kitchen not long after I got home. “Did you have a good time tonight?”

“I did, yeah,” I said, talking quickly and nodding my head. “But, uhm, hey…I wanted to ask you about that text you sent earlier.”

She laughed and nodded her head. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I sent it–I probably just should’ve waited for you to come home before I said anything at all.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “But…I am curious as to who’s coming.”

“Ah, right. Well, I’m sure you’ll be delighted to learn that your little sister is paying us a visit.”

“L-little sister? I don’t have a…”

“Sure you do,” Mommy replied. “Your little baby sister Kylie? Who you met in Seattle?”

[christi]

Good additions, thanks for sharing.

[Sumi]

Just when you think you have an idea where things are going there is another detour. I just can't believe Clark is going to settle for anyone other than Ava. Clark and Paige were doing fine and Lyndie tried to grease Clark's return to Ava by hooking up with Paige. Clark in some respects seems interested in Megan. (Megan is a TG, right?) And now with the return of Kylie into the picture...seems like a well blended batch of alphabet soup. Caleb needs a good dose of Kylie's assertiveness,  well, that is to say if she ever got it back after "Mommy" beat it out of her. Just love this story. It is epic and without a doubt the best I have ever read (and I've read a lot of good ones). I know the world is not ready for it but this "story" could be easily turned into a TV series. Absolutely beautiful work QH.

[quietlyhumiliated]

I posted the wrong chapters a minute or two ago. The post is now deleted, but if you're confused about what that was about...it was my own goof.

Hey hey, how about two more chapters? We're getting close to the end. But if you're not the patient type, ALL chapters are now available on my Ream account (link to that is somewhere in my profile or signature, I hope).

Ninety-Three

“I just want you to know that I fucking hate you.”

“Y-you don’t mean that,” I said.

Her response was a frustrated “Harumph!” that almost sounded like it came from some cartoon character. But she was also smiling.

“Hello, Clark,” Kylie said.

“Hello, Kylie.”

I had just stepped through the front door at Mommy’s House. Mommy had taken the day off from work to pick Kylie up from the airport and to ‘tidy up around the house.’ Lyndie was nice enough to drive me home, though she had other places to be and couldn’t stay to meet the infamous Kylie.

“It’s been a while,” she said.

I nodded. “How’ve you been?”

“Fine, I guess. Though you ruined my whole life.”

“I…uh…” I ran a hand through my hair nervously. “How, exactly, did I do that?”

“I had myself figured out,” she shrugged. “I was a mean girl. I was gonna be, like, a boss bitch. And then I met you and now…”

“Now?” I asked a few moments later, when it started to feel like she wasn’t going to finish that thought.

“Now…I’m obsessed with fucking diapers and all I want is to be treated like a baby.”

I opened my mouth to contest that accusation, but she might’ve actually been right about that. If I hadn’t been thrust into her life–and if I hadn’t subjected her to our little mall adventure–maybe she’d have gone her entire life without thinking about diapers. But now I’ve infected her with the desire for thick padding. 

I had done something similar to Paige–maybe I was good at this?

I won’t say that I hadn’t thought about Kylie–her face popped up in head often. Sometimes, she was mocking me for wearing diapers. Sometimes, she was wearing a diaper herself. But there was a part of me that didn’t think I’d see her again. It sounded like she was the type of girl who was going places–and the places that smart and talented girls like her went weren’t places where you’d find me. But, as it turns out, she and Mommy had stayed in touch since Seattle. And, more recently, Kylie had been hinting at a need to be put in diapers and be treated like a baby again–an opportunity that Mommy was more than happy to arrange. Kylie was flown across the country on Mommy’s dime–mostly to keep Kylie’s mother, Gretchen, off everyone’s back. 

And so, it was a big deal to be face to face with Kylie in Mommy’s living room again. Not just because I didn’t think I’d ever get that chance, but because this entire weekend felt like a secret mission.

“Your Mom, uhm, has no idea you’re here?” I asked.

She shook her head. “She can’t know I’m here. If she found out I was at Ms. Heller’s house, she’d murder me.”

I wanted to tell her that she was exaggerating, but I could imagine the consequences still being pretty terrible. If everything Mommy said about Gretchen was true, the two were as close as it got to arch-rivals. And now Gretchen’s daughter was here to be used as Mommy’s toy. Maybe Gretchen would actually kill Kylie if she knew.

“Where does she think you are, then?” I asked. “If not at school?”

“Oh, I bet she’s not even thinking of me this weekend,” Kylie shrugged. “I’m out of sight and out of mind until the semester is over.”

“And how is college going?”

She rolled her eyes, as if the last thing she needed anyone in this world to ask her was how school was going. “Fine. Good grades. Having a blast.”

“Uh…good.”

“Not really,” she spat. “Because for every night I’m getting wasted at a party, there’s three other nights where I’m lying awake in bed at night with my hand in my panties because I can’t stop thinking about being treated like a stupid little baby.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so I took my best shot at it: “Well…you’re in the right place, then.”

Her lips cracked into a smile and she shook her head. “God, you’re still so fucking pathetic.”

It didn’t matter if I had once seen her mess her diaper and then get changed–she was still years younger than me and still charged with that ‘popular girl’ energy. She was still able to easily humiliate me with her words.

“I don’t know if Mommy…er…”

“I know you call her Mommy.”

“Well, uhm, did she tell you that I’ve been, like, working on myself?”

“She told me that you were living with her and spent all your time as her baby.”

“That was true… Uhm, okay, so it’s still mostly true. But I’m working on making some big changes in my life and…”

“Wow, cool. Congrats. Last time we met, you had your own apartment and a full-time job, and you were a big pathetic baby then. And now you don’t even have that.”

“Ouch.”

She laughed and shrugged. “Sorry… Sometimes I can’t help myself. I’m here because, you know, I want that.”

“That?” I could probably guess what she meant, but it wasn’t often that I was given an opportunity to try and mess with someone right back. “What is that?”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t do that, Clark.”

But then the shape of Mommy was in the doorway to the living room, and I watched the expression on Kylie’s face quickly change. The brattiness was whisked away, and its place was the expression of someone more subservient.

“Maybe you’d answer the question for me, then?” Mommy asked, her hands on her hips and a playful smile on her face. “What is it, again, that you’re here for?”

I swore I could see Kylie’s legs wobble a little, like she was about to fall down to her hands and knees uncontrollably.

“I…uhm…”

“Go on,” Mommy said. “Tell us why you’re here?”

Kylie’s cheeks were flushed red as she gave me a quick glance. “I…wanted to be treated like a baby.”

“Oh, is that so? And what, exactly, does that entail?”

“Y-you know… Being dressed up. Being fed. Naptime. D-diaper changes.”

“That’s right,” Mommy said. “I don’t mind you teasing Clarky, of course. But don’t forget what you’re here to do.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You should call me ‘Mommy,’” Mommy said. 

Kylie’s cheeks glowed even brighter. “Yes, okay…Mommy.” If it would’ve been frowned upon by Gretchen for Kylie to be here, I couldn’t begin to imagine how big of a punch to the gut it would’ve been if Gretchen heard her daughter call Gabrielle Heller ‘Mommy.’

“Come with me, Kylie,” Mommy said, sticking out her hand towards the girl. “I’ll show you around a little, and then we’ll get you to the nursery for your first diaper.”

“B-but…”

“Not buts,” Mommy said. “You’re here to be a baby, and so that’s what you’re going to be.”

And with that, Kylie reached out and took Mommy’s hand, allowing herself to be towed out of the living room.

In another life, this would’ve been the weirdest conversation I had with anyone all week. All year, maybe. But that was just the way things went around here, and I kind of loved that about my life.

Someday soon, that might be over. But it wasn’t over yet.

Kylie wasn’t the only big news in my life. Tonight was also Lyndie and Ava’s little soiree at their apartment. And, at some point, Megan would be stopping by the house to pick me up to take me there. 

I was feeling surprisingly chill about the Ava situation. Talking to Lyndie the other night had helped some, and with a few more days to reflect on it, I found myself more comfortable with the idea of minimizing my exposure to Ava until I had better come to terms with the likelihood that we’d only ever be friends.

And, on top of that, I was still sitting on the possibility of Megan’s studio apartment. I was nervous to have that conversation with Mommy–but the idea was still exciting to me.

Overall, I found myself in good spirits. I was growing up. Big things were on the horizon.

“Clarky?” Mommy yelled from upstairs. “Can you come up here please?”

“Yes, Mommy. Coming.”

I mindlessly trotted up the steps towards where I heard Mommy’s voice coming from. I was reminded of my father–admittedly, a man I sometimes think I didn’t know that well at all. He passed away when I was young, and most of what I knew about him came second hand from my mother and other relatives. Still, I had a few memories of him. And I’d never forget that he hated being called into another room like that. “I’m not a dog!” he’d holler back at my mother when she called to him from the kitchen. 

He probably wouldn’t like the way I came running when Mommy yelled for me now. But, then again, maybe I was Mommy’s dog. With some reframing, my father’s comment could be interpreted as: “I’m not a dog. But if I was one, then I’d come.”

I found Mommy and Kylie in the nursery. Kylie was atop the changing table, and her pants were gone. A fresh diaper was being closed around her private parts, and her face was bright red.

“Dear, you have some time before your little party tonight, right?”

I nodded. “It’s not for a while yet.”

“Good. Then can I ask that you spend some time with Kylie? I think it’d be good for her to spend some time with you this afternoon while I get a few things done around the house.”

“A-are you asking me to, uhm, babysit her?”

Mommy laughed–an honest-to-goodness cackle. “Oh, heavens no, Clarky. As soon as I’m done getting Kylie in her diaper, I’m going to put you in one too. It’s more of a playdate.”

“P-playdate? But…I don’t need a diaper. I’m…”

“I know, I know. You’re a big boy now,” Mommy said with a smirk. “And you can go and pretend to be a big boy with your friends later. But for this afternoon, I just need you to put a diaper on so that you can crawl around with your sister. You can do that for me, can’t you?”

“Y-yes,” I sighed. “Whatever you need.”

Moments later, I was on the changing table myself–my jeans and dry pull-up removed and cast aside so that I could be fitted with a thick diaper. It hadn’t been that long since I wore my last diaper, but the bulky padding already felt alien between my thighs. After, my shirt was removed too–replaced instead with a colorful blue and red onesie with a koala bear embroidered on the front of it. A custom order, if I remembered correctly. The finishing touch, as per usual, was my pacifier being attached to the onesie with a pink pacifier tether.

And just like that, it felt like all my progress had been deleted and I was starting at Level 1 again. I was a baby once more.

“Don’t pout,” Kylie said to me as we went down the steps together. “You know you like this.”

She was right–I loved this. But I loved it too much. Sometimes I worried that if I spent much more time in diapers, I’d cancel all my plans for growing up and just stay a baby for the rest of my life.

“You look cute,” I said. It was both an accurate statement and a sure-fire way to make her blush. I was right about that.

“Y-yeah,” she stammered, “but I look cute all the time.”

“Maybe. But I think you’re at your cutest in a diaper. It really suits you.”

She scoffed. “Excuse me?”

Normally I’d course-correct and try restating what I meant. But I was confident that I meant what I said the first time around and so I just smiled. And, when I saw that it riled her up, I smiled. “You look like you belong in a diaper.”

“Takes one to know one,” she spat.

“Do you really hate me?” I asked.

“No.”

“Okay, good.”

“I’m jealous of you.”

Well, it was rare that anyone ever said that to me. “Really?”

“Don’t let that inflate your ego–or your diaper–too much.”

Mommy had laid out a blanket on the living room floor, placing some coloring books, crayons, and toys on it. There were extra pillows and blankets nearby in case someone needed a nap. I predicted that there were some baby bottles prepared in the fridge–though none laced with laxatives this time.

“Is this the kind of thing you like?” Kylie asked as we parked our padded bottoms on the soft blanket. She had picked up a coloring book in one hand and a set of chunky plastic toy car keys with the other. 

“It’s…hard to say,” I shrugged. “Like, sometimes I can look at that stuff and feel no connection to it. But then sometimes, when I’m in the right, uh, headspace, I see some toys or a coloring book and it just feels…perfect.” 

“I don’t think I’m into it,” Kylie said, still investigating the smattering of toys left for us. “I want, like, humiliation. I want to be made to use my diaper and beg for a change. That kind of stuff.”

“You’re going to get what you wanted,” I smiled. “I know Mommy will give you plenty of that. But you might enjoy this too. Just…relax. Let yourself be a baby.”

“How?”

“You just kind of have to, like, start letting go of things.”

“Like my bladder?” she quipped.

“W-well…that helps. But, okay, here’s an example. So I’ll take my pacifier, right? And I’ll just put it in my mouth, and I’ll start focusing on just the act of sucking on it. Like, I make that my entire world. Nothing else matters to me–the only thing I care about is sucking on a pacifier. And sometimes…that’s all it takes–just being that focused on some small part of being a baby.”

“Show me,” she said.

“Okay, uhm…” I popped my pacifier into my mouth and began to suckle on it. I didn’t actually think I’d be able to give a good demonstration, since I hadn’t been feeling as juvenile recently–and because most of my focus was on the more ‘adult’ party happening later. Yet, as soon as the silicone bulb was in my mouth, I found myself effortlessly slipping into the old familiar headspace.

It really is that easy. For me.

Kylie giggled as she watched me. I wondered if she could actually see me regressing right in front of her. My cheeks warmed as my auto-pilot kicked in and I didn’t even have to think about sucking on the pacifier. 

“I’ll try, uh, a coloring book, I guess,” she shrugged, crawling the few paces to where the stack of books and crayons were. 

Not having her full attention on me made it easy to slip even further into my littler headspace. Hello, old friend, it’s been a while. I could feel it washing over me–I was a little slower. A little dumber. A little more interested in the world around me and how big it suddenly seemed. And, as if my body knew exactly what to do when I found myself in such a space, I began to wet my diaper. Not a heavy stream, but enough of a spritz to dampen the padding between my legs–the newly warmed diaper only serving to reiterate how small I was now.

Meanwhile, Kylie might’ve been pretending to be interested in a coloring book, but it was clear that her thoughts were elsewhere. I watched as she sat on her padded ass, her diaper scooching forwards and backwards on the blanket–seemingly grinding out some pleasure.

“Thaths naughty,” I said through my pacifier.

“Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I was in a diaper? Months.”

Months? That seemed to imply that she had worn them since Mommy and I had met her in Seattle, though I was in no place to start asking follow-up questions.

“I’ve missed diapers,” she continued. “I…missed…this…” She moaned a little as her hips seemed to move a little faster.

“Ack like dat and you gonna get spankth f’om Mommy.”

She shrugged defiantly. “Oops.”

And she had the nerve to call me pathetic? I spat my pacifier out of my mouth for a moment. “Well, if you’re going to do that…you might as well go all the way.”

“Hmm?”

“I-if you’re going to hump your diaper…wouldn’t it be better if it wasn’t, uhm, clean?”

“Filthy little boy,” she smiled. “Well…you’re the expert.”

“So…maybe later, if you use your diaper, you could try that again and…”

“Later?” she laughed. “I’m ready to burst.”

“Wow, so you’re just gonna… Well, you’re not wasting any time, then?”

She shook her head. “You don’t understand, Clark. I’ve wanted this for so long. It's been all I could think about.”

I did, actually, know a thing or two about that. 

She lifted her ass up from the blanket, rotating her body just a little so that I had a clear view of the entire back of her diaper. It should’ve been covered by the onesie Mommy put her in, but it looked like Kylie’s gyrating had popped the buttons open to leave her plump diaper exposed. Seconds later, the sound of a heavy stream could be heard echoing in her padding, sounding like a spraying firehose. I watched as the white diaper quickly turned yellow and began to sag a little from her bottom. She wanted me to see this. She needed to feel ashamed and humiliated at the idea of someone watching her do this. Humiliation was a powerful drug. 

I was almost a little envious of her. She was just starting her journey. Things like pissing herself in front of someone else and grinding her bottom on the floor were still extremely exciting to her. They were exciting to me too, on some level, but the high that she looked to be feeling now was one I couldn’t get as easily anymore. After being Mommy’s baby for so long, the threshold for that high was now astronomical. I almost wanted to warn her–but maybe it was something best discovered for oneself.

“S-so…naughty,” she muttered to herself, lowering her diaper back onto the carpet so she could grind in it again.

Kylie couldn’t see, because her back was turned to the doorway, but Mommy was standing in the room now, watching us on our blanket with an amused smile on her face. “What’s going on in here?” Mommy seemed to ask me with her expression.

I shrugged. “I didn’t tell her to do that.”

Mommy cleared her throat to get Kylie’s attention. Kylie's body began to slow–as if she was a machine that couldn’t just shut off and had to come to a rest first. Her head slowly pivoted until she was looking over her shoulder at Mommy.

“Well now,” Mommy laughed. “What are we going to do about this?”

“I…I just…” I had forgotten how much of a delight it was to see Kylie melt into a submissive puddle. I wondered if anyone besides Mommy had ever been able to crack that nut.

“I know you’re excited about your diapers, sweetheart. But we can’t have you doing that all day, or else that’s all you’re going to do. Come here.”

“But…”

“Come here,” Mommy repeated, her tone a little more stern. It had been a while since I heard use that tone with me.

Kylie sighed and crawled forward, taking Mommy’s hand once more so that she was helped to her feet. Mommy led her out of the living room, and from the sound of it, back upstairs. To the nursery, perhaps? I’d have been surprised if Mommy changed Kylie’s diaper so soon, but I couldn’t guess what Mommy’s plan would’ve been otherwise.

Ah, whatever. That was Kylie’s problem. In my damp diaper and surrounded by infantile things, this seemed like a good time to pick up where I left off a few moments ago. I slipped my pacifier back into my mouth, my body almost immediately beginning to automatically suckle at it, and I plopped myself down in front of the plastic toys. 

Like an old friend who had been away for a few weeks, my littlest headspace was returning and I was elated to greet it. 

Somewhere, far in the back of my mind and very quietly, I heard myself think: Best to get this out of my system before tonight.

But what was tonight? I couldn’t remember, not that it mattered much. All that mattered was the ‘now.’ My thick diaper. These toys. Those crayons over there. My paci. I let out a pleased-sounding little moan as I sucked on the pacifier, grabbing at the plastic key-toys. Shaking them around in front of me was fun.

My diaper was getting warmer yet again, and the diaper was swelling between my thighs. 

From upstairs, I heard a THWACK. The sound of a hand landing on some little girl’s diapered bottom. Been there, sister. It was followed up with a few more. THWACK. WHAP. CRACK.

I was simultaneously happy for Kylie–that she was getting what she probably came here for–and jealous. I missed when this was all so new to me.

I crawled around on the blanket, feeling the soft fabric on my knees. Once or twice, I dipped my face low to the ground so I could rub my face on it. I love the feeling of that softness on my face. It reminded me of Mommy’s hands. Or her breasts.

From upstairs: WHAP.

I pulled a crayon from the box, just a random color, and brought to the page the coloring book had been opened to by Kylie. She had only just begun to color a cartoon duck’s bill orange, and so I thought I’d finish the task. Of course, my crayon was blue–and I wasn’t very good at coloring in the lines. Had I any more sense about me, I’d have worried that I ruined the picture. Instead, it looked like my masterpiece.

Sometimes, in my more lucid moments, I wondered what the appeal was to ‘little space.’ Isn’t that boring? Wouldn’t that just lose its luster over time? The more adult-brained version of me always thought so, but then in a moment like this–where I was embracing my babybrain–it just fit perfectly into my life.

I wasn’t thinking about it at the moment, but in hindsight I find it amusing that I was just a few hours away from Lyndie and Ava’s party. The ‘normies,’ in Lyndie’s words, would be there, and I’d be expected to be on my best behavior. I’d be interacting with people I had never met before, and they’d be drafting first impressions of me. And how much would those impressions change if they could see me in this moment? Crawling around, mindlessly sucking on a pacifier, and coloring with crayons?

I could hear footsteps approaching. They were back. Mommy entered the room first, and Kylie entered soon after, crawling on her hands and knees with a bright red face. Kylie’s wardrobe had changed a little since the last time I saw her. Gone was the onesie she had initially been wearing, replaced with a short cut tee that read ‘Stinker.’ I’d never seen that before, and I wondered where it came from. The other big difference was that Kylie’s diaper seemed huge. I wasn’t sure that I had ever seen a diaper so big before, and it took me a moment or two to realize that I wasn’t looking at one diaper–Kylie was wearing many diapers. So many that a onesie probably wouldn’t have fit over them. So many that Kylie’s legs were forced apart uncomfortably. So many that Kylie would probably have to work pretty damn hard to feel anything if she started rubbing her diaper on the floor again.

And, I imagined, all those extra diapers came with some bonus slaps to her padded bottom.

“Now then,” Mommy smiled. “I trust you can behave yourself and play with the baby toys for a while, Kylie?”

“Y-yes, Mommy.”

I wondered if Mommy had asked Kylie to call her that, or if Kylie took it upon herself to start using that name. Either way, Mommy seemed happy to hear it coming out of her mouth.

“Clarky?” Mommy asked. “Are you doing okay here?”

“Uh huh,” I nodded. My diaper was soaked, but that didn’t bother me.

“I just have a few more chores to take care of,” Mommy said. “I can trust the two of you to behave a little longer, can’t I?”

We both nodded, and Mommy departed.

“Th-three diapers,” Kylie said. “She put me in three of them.” She tried to adopt a similar position to the one she was in before, the one she used while grinding the bottom of her diaper against the blanket. This time, though, it didn’t seem to be doing much of anything for her. She muttered something else under her breath, though I didn’t catch what it was.

“Juth color,” I said through my pacifier, offering her the blue crayon from my hand. 

She sighed, begrudgingly taking the crayon from me and returning to the page she had barely started to color earlier. “H-hey…did you scribble on my page?”

“I…wath helping.”

“You’re not very good at coloring,” she said. No amount of diapers, it seemed, would fully suppress her brattiness.

An interesting thing happened over the next 30 minutes or so. As I continued to crawl around and occasionally pick up and play with my toys, I noticed that Kylie seemed to be settling into a babybrained space of her own. She seemed completely dedicated to–and fascinated by–her coloring book. Her thumb was in her mouth, and a tiny string of drool was leaking out from the corner of her lips.

The real world outside of this room–along with the adult parts of ourselves–felt so far away. Not too long from now, I’d be walking around and talking to friends and strangers alike. I’d need to seem cool and composed. Interesting. Friendly. But until then, I was just a baby.

I sat on the blanket, running my hands over the soft fur of a stuffed bear. I felt a rumbling in my diaper, followed by the feeling of a thick and massive load filling all the available space. I had no idea it was coming, and a moment or two later I barely even registered that I had just pooped my diaper. 

“You poopied?” Kylie asked, pulling her thumb from her mouth to pinch her nose closed.

“Uhm… Uh huh.”

“You’re stinky.”

Later, somewhere between filling my diaper in front of Kylie and just before Megan picked me up for Lyndie and Ava’s party, I thought about how it was good that I got this little burst of infantilism out of my system. It was a foolish thing to think.

As if I could ever do such a thing.

Ninety-Four

I received a text that Megan had arrived at the house.

“I’m going to invite Megan in for a minute,” I said. “Is that okay?”

“Of course,” Mommy said. She was in the kitchen at the moment, spoon feeding a high-chaired Kylie some jarred baby food.

Kylie whined with her mouth full, brownish goop dripping down her chin and onto her bib. I didn’t catch her exact words, but I understood the sentiment–she didn’t want to be seen by a stranger in this state. I couldn’t blame her–she was still wearing the same cut-off ‘Stinker’ tee and the same three diapers she had been put in earlier. A bib had been put around her neck, and it seemed to have already collected a few globs of baby food, with a few more still clinging to her face. She looked incredibly small right now.

“Don’t get fussy on me now,” Mommy said to the big baby. “Just sit in your chair and keep eating.” To me: “Please, let Megan in. If she has time, bring her back to the kitchen and I’ll say hello.”

Kylie whined again, but was quickly muffled by another spoonful of glop being pushed through her lips.

I met Megan at the door. Her short and sexy black dress just about knocked me on my ass–it would’ve been a little much for a date night, let alone a casual get-together. But this was Megan, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

I had been worried that she wouldn’t be interested in joining me tonight, considering that she’d barely know anyone there besides me. Yet she had been quick to agree when I asked her. Whether it was because she just wanted to spend time with me, or because she wanted to make some friends, I couldn’t say–but I was just happy she was coming. Especially since she was my ride.

I motioned for her to come in, and we hugged each other tightly after I closed the door.

“You look amazing,” I said.

“I usually do,” she smiled. “And you look…like Clark.”

“Is that a good thing?”

She laughed and nodded. “It’s a good thing.”

“I’d say something like ‘Welcome to my humble abode,’ but it’s not really mine…”

“It’s nice,” she said, her eyes darting around to take in the splendor that was Mommy’s home. “Though it kind of smells like a, uhm–and I promise I’m not trying to be rude…”

“A diaper?”

She laughed and nodded. “Yeah, a little. Is that your doing?”

“Usually,” I shrugged. “But we have, uhm, company over? So, for once, I may not be to blame for everything you smell.”

Megan laughed and shook her head. “Company?”

“Follow me,” I said. “You can say hi to Mommy and I’ll introduce you to our guest.”

Megan stepped into the kitchen, her mouth immediately pulling into a smile when she laid eyes on Kylie, still in the same place she was when I last saw her–food dripping down her face and her giant diaper on display below the high chair’s tray.

“Well, uhm, this is Kylie,” I said. “It’s dinnertime for her.”

“She’s a real fussy eater,” Mommy added, placing the jar of food and the spoon down on the tray for a moment. “Hello, Megan. It’s very nice to see you again.”

“Likewise, Ms. Heller,” Megan said. The two women embraced.

I had never seen Mommy and Megan interact much back at the old office. I wondered if they were closer than I had realized, given the way they were looking at each other now. I quickly realized, however, that what I was seeing was actually respect. Each of the women seemed to have a lot of it for the other.

“Please call me Gabby,” Mommy said to her. “You’ve been well?”

Megan nodded. “Best I’ve ever been.”

“So I’ve heard. You’re working closely with Troy now, yes?”

Megan smiled a little. “Ah, yes. Mr. Morris has been very good to me.”

“I imagine it’s a very different company now?”

“I suppose,” Megan said, her tone sounding careful. “I don’t know if it’s better, per se. But it’s certainly different.”

“I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am for you,” Mommy said, rubbing Megan’s shoulder. “I’ve always been rooting for you.”

“Thank you,” Megan said. Clearly uncomfortable with just standing there and soaking in all of Mommy’s praise, she turned and pointed towards Kylie. “So…who is this?”

“Ah, well, that’s Clark’s baby sister, Kylie.”

“Oh,” Megan nodded. “Of course.”

“Clark and I met her when we took a trip to Seattle together a ways back. Kind of a bossy little thing. A little spoiled, you know? But nothing some thick diapers and a spanking can’t fix.”

“Hi Kylie,” Megan said. “Nice to meet you.”

Kylie groaned, her eyes looking wet and puffy. “Y-yeah, sure.”

“See?” Mommy asked. “Such a delight. Believe it or not, she begged me for this. She wants the full baby experience. And that’s what she’s getting this weekend.”

“I’m a little jealous,” Megan said.

“Yeah? Well, if you ever have a weekend to kill, give me a call.”

Megan laughed and nodded. She probably thought Mommy was joking, but I knew for a fact that it was not said in jest. I made a mental note to tell Megan later that she should absolutely make that call.

“Well, I don’t want to hold the two of you up too long for your social thing tonight,” Mommy said. “Clark, are you coming back home tonight?”

“I assume so,” I shrugged. “But…I dunno.”

“Just let me know one way or another, Clarky. So that I’m not worrying about you.”

“Yes, I will.” I stepped closer to Mommy to hug her goodbye, only to be pulled into Mommy’s body with her strong arms–my face pressed into her chest. When I pulled my face away, Mommy’s lips pressed against mine for a quick goodbye kiss. I probably would’ve been just a little embarrassed if it was just Mommy and I in the kitchen. With Kylie and Megan looking on, I had turned beet red.

“It was nice seeing you again, Gabby,” Megan said, waving. “I promise I’ll keep an eye on Clark and keep him out of trouble.”

Mommy shrugged and smiled. “He’s got it in his head that he’s a big boy now. The poopy diaper of his I changed earlier said otherwise–but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt that he’ll be fine tonight.”

“Bye, Kylie,” I said, waving to the frowning baby in the high chair.

Her only response was a frustrated grunt.

“Quite the world you live in there, Clark,” Megan said as I buckled my seatbelt and she reversed her car out of the driveway.

“Tell me about it.”

“Does Gabby have a whole menagerie of needy babies like Kylie that she takes care of?”

“Not really,” I said, shaking my head. “Just me. This is the first time Kylie’s been here, actually. Though…she did also change the diaper of my other friend the other day.”

Megan laughed. “Is this, uh, Ava?”

“N-no… Her name is Paige. Y-you’ll meet her tonight.”

“So she wears diapers too?”

“Yes,” I said. The real answer to that question was probably a little longer, but the truncated version would work just fine for now.

“And yet, this isn’t, like, a diaper party?”

“I know, I know. But Ava’s boyfriend doesn’t know about the diapers, and his friends are coming over and…” 

“Got it. I’ll be on my best behavior tonight.”

“Again, I really appreciate you coming. I’ve been wanting to formally introduce you to the rest of the gang for a long time now. I really hope you like them.”

“I like you,” she said. “And they like you. So we have that in common. I think we’ll be fine.”

Megan was similar to Mommy in that she was so confident that it helped to bolster my own self-assurance. I had been a little nervous about the party, but I could feel that apprehension starting to diminish.

“Did you wear a diaper?” I asked.

“Nah. Did you?”

“W-well, not a diaper, per se, but…”

“Oh right. You wear training pants now, yes?”

I nodded, my cheeks blushing.

“Clark, those are pretty much just diapers.”

“Th-they’re different. For one, they barely crinkle and…”

“What are you going to do if you have an accident?”

“Plan A,” I said, “is to just not have an accident.”

“And Plan B?” 

“Ask Lyndie very nicely if I can use her bathroom–or bedroom, or closet if I had to–to change myself.”

“Do you even have extra pull-ups with you?”

“Uh…shit. I didn’t think about that. I guess we’ll just stick with Plan A, then.”

“Don’t worry. I got you covered. I’ve got a whole diaper bag in the backseat. Extra diapers. Wipes. Some other goodies too.”

“Do you always have a diaper bag with you?”

“I keep it in the car, sure,” she shrugged. “You never know when you’re going to need it.”

“Look, I appreciate it. But if I somehow have an accident and need to change my pull-up, that’s the part where I quietly sneak out of the party and never return.”

Megan laughed and nodded. “Got it. You give me the signal when it’s time to abandon ship because you’ve got a leaky bottom.”

“Deal.”

Parking in this part of town had proved to be a nightmare on a Saturday night. Lyndie and Ava’s building had limited parking, mostly reserved for residents, and the rest of the block’s parking was already consumed by residents of nearby buildings and visitors having a good night at one of the local bars or eateries. We ended up having to park three blocks away. 

“Did you bring your hiking shoes?” I joked, pointing down at the tiny black shoes on Megan’s feet.

“Jokes on you. I could climb a mountain in a pair of heels.”

“I’d like to see that.”

She laughed as she began to walk down the street, a little bit of a strut to her step. She was probably joking? But if anyone could’ve done it, I’d put my money on her.

I had been careful not to tell Megan that I had feelings for Ava. For one, I didn’t need yet another person to give me concerned looks all night, every time they watched me talk to Ava–I already had Lyndie for that. But also, I almost saw it as a little experiment–would Megan be able to detect any sort of spark between myself and Ava? 

At last, we had made it to the door of Lyndie and Ava’s apartment. Just when I was starting to feel a little more confident about the evening, my heart quickened and there was a sluggishness to my hand as I brought it to the door to knock.

“What are you doing?” Megan asked. “Knock already.”

“I, uhm…I’m going to.”

But before I could, she reached forward and knocked on the door herself. “Sorry,” she laughed. “But you gotta rip the bandaid off in these moments of social anxiety.”

“Yeah…thanks.”

Lyndie opened the door. “Clarky! How are you?”

“I’m good,” I said as we embraced. “We’re not late, are we?”

“Not at all,” she grinned. “We’re just getting started.” It seemed to hit her a moment later that I had said ‘we,’ and she suddenly glanced over my shoulder to see Megan behind me. “Oh my god. Megan, I’m so glad you came!”

“Thank you for having me!” Megan responded, a slightly excited squeal in her voice that I had never heard before. Was it an act or was it genuine? The two hugged.

“How have you been?” Lyndie asked, as if–once upon a time–they had been close.

“Better than ever,” Megan smiled. “And yourself?”

“Maybe I could say the same,” Lyndie shrugged. “I’m happy.”

“Clark,” another voice said from somewhere else. “You’re here!” Paige came bounding across the apartment to greet me. She was wearing an outfit somewhat similar to the one she wore to Mommy’s house a week ago–dark skirt, band tee, and a dark-colored knit cardigan instead of the jacket–but without the obvious diaper bulging out from beneath her skirt.

She just about tackled me, and I just barely had time to brace myself–otherwise I’d have fallen to the ground for sure. I was initially surprised at her excitement for seeing me, as I had just sort of assumed that Lyndie had superseded me in her friendship hierarchy–but I found myself pretty excited to see her too, and maybe that’s what being good friends was all about.

“Paige, I want to introduce you to my friend Megan. Megan, this is Paige.”

“Right,” Megan said with a smile. “Isn’t Paige the one who…” Thankfully, she quickly remembered that we were in mixed company, and that it was best not to broadcast that the only thing she knew about Paige was that Mommy had taken care of her diapers recently. She started over again: “It’s really nice to meet you!”

More hugging. Hugs had become the default greeting in my circle, it seemed–something that contrasted with my more traditionally ‘male’ experience in life prior to meeting Mommy. It occurred to me that, these days, I was surrounded by a much more ‘feminine’ influence. It was far from a bad thing–and I kind of hoped that hugging my friends was one of the lessons from this experience that I took with me into the future.

“Ava’s in the kitchen with Caleb,” Lyndie said to me as Megan and Paige chatted off to the side. 

I almost asked where the kitchen was, but I could see it from where I stood. I didn’t see Ava at first, only to realize that it was because she was in the center of a small group of strangers with her back turned to me. She looked busy with Caleb and, assumedly, his friends. “I’ll say hi in a little bit,” I finally said.

“We’ll probably have too many people to play just one game, but Caleb and his friends brought a bunch. We’ll probably break into smaller groups at some point. We’re just waiting for a few more people to arrive.”

I glanced around the apartment, taking a rough count of how many people were there. Lyndie, myself, Paige, Megan. Ava and Caleb. At least three other people in their little huddle that I didn’t recognize. Two others on the couch that I didn’t recognize. This already felt a little bigger than what I had expected. 

“Come make yourselves at home,” Lyndie said. “Plenty to drink in the kitchen. Food on the tables over there. And there’s a big ol’ pile of board games over there if you feel like grabbing one and cracking it open.”

“Board games?” Megan asked me, her eyes narrowing. “You didn’t tell me this was a board game party.”

I laughed. “Are you saying you wouldn’t have come if I told you that?”

“I would’ve worn something more competitive,” she smiled, cracking her knuckles. “Let’s do this.” She confidently walked forward into the kitchen, introducing herself to the strangers and greeting Ava. More hugging. 

“A bit of a turnout you’ve got already,” I said to Lyndie.

“I don’t think we expected this many people to come,” she shrugged, looking around. “We figured at least half would cancel. And…I think we even did have a few cancellations. But that’s fine–the more the merrier.”

Lyndie quickly split away, spotting something that needed her attention–an empty bowl of chips on the table, maybe?

“No diapers today?” I asked Paige, my voice lowering.

“I wanted to,” she faux-pouted. “Lyndie thought it was a bad idea.”

“That’s surprising. Lyndie loves diapers hidden in plain view.”

“Yeah, well…I think Ava got in her head. You know, with all of Caleb’s friends being here.”

“Right. Normies.”

She laughed. “Exactly. What about you? Are you…”

“Pull-up,” I shrugged. “Just in case.”

She continued to snicker. “What are the odds of that happening?”

“Well…there’s a non-zero-percent chance.”

“Is it, uhm, weird? Like, hanging out with her and Caleb when…”

“It’s fine,” I quickly said, cutting her off before she could complete her thought. “I’ve made my peace with it. I’m good.”

“Okay,” she said with a knowing smirk. She didn’t have to say anything else–I could just see on her face that she’d been down this road before, and she didn’t believe a word I just said.

Fair enough, I didn’t believe it either.

“How are things with her?” I asked, nodding towards Lyndie. Anything to change the subject.

She blushed a little. “Good.”

I could probably leave it at that, but I can’t resist the urge to poke a little more. “Just…good?”

“I mean, we only hung out once since we were both at your place. And–keep your diaper on–it wasn’t anything scandalous, just talking and stuff. But, I dunno, things seem…promising?”

“Yeah,” I said, nodding. “I think Lyndie feels the same way.”

She smiled and shrugged, but didn’t say anything else about it. Honestly, I was happy that she left it at that, too–I didn’t need for her to apologize about catching feelings for Lyndie. Lyndie and I had already talked about it, and we were good. Case closed.

“You need a drink,” she said.

“Pick something out for me?”

“A baby bottle of orange juice?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

She smiled, shrugging to her left. “I’ll grab you something. Looks like your friend wants to say hi.”

Sure enough, Ava was approaching. As badly as I wanted to stay cool and collected, I could already feel my heart rate climbing.

“I’m glad you made it,” Ava said, trading places with Paige who was now on her way to the kitchen. She didn’t hug me. That felt like it meant something, but I wasn’t sure what. “Have any trouble finding the place?”

“Nah. I mean…we had to park a few states away, but it was good exercise.”

“You could use a little muscle, skinny,” she teased, playfully poking my arm. “All that time in your playpen made you too thin.”

“You think?”

“You should come over for dinner sometime,” she shrugged. “I’ll make something to fatten you up.”

Yes, please. “S-sure. Just tell me when.”

“Actually, that reminds me of something I wanted to ask you,” she said, her hands playing with her hair. She used to do that all the time when we worked together–a nervous tic of sorts.

“Yeah?”

“Uhm, so, the other night at your house…”

“Here you go,” Paige said, reappearing at my side and sliding an ice-cold bottle of hard cider into my hand. Great timing.

I glanced back at Ava, curious to see if she would finish her thought or not. Ava smiled and looked back towards the kitchen. “Ah, you know what? It’s not that important. We’ll chat later, okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. It was tempting to feel disappointed–but that would mean that I was getting my hopes up that she was going to say something like “I realized that night that I loved you,” and I felt pretty confident that that wasn’t what she had wanted to say. 

Play. It. Cool.

I hadn’t even realized it had happened, but I had managed to slowly drift from the door of the apartment over to the side of the living room where the snack table was between the time I first got here and now. In the kitchen, Caleb and two of his friends were cracking up at something Megan was saying to them. I hadn’t ever really seen the social side of Megan before, but she was killing it. I never would’ve guessed she possessed those kinds of skills.

I let a little dribble of pee into my pull-up. I’d like to say that it just happened, but that wasn’t entirely true. Feeling that slight dampness in the padding gave me a familiar little rush. It was like a little personal secret that managed to somehow empower me. I sighed with relief.

“You okay?” Paige asked, taking a swig of her own beer–some sort of craft beverage in a colorful can. 

“I’m good,” I said with a confident nod, pulling my cider bottle to my lips.

[zzzz50]

Hmmm, Clark already missed Plan A, just how comfortable will he get? 

[D503]

Oh man, I hope it goes well for Clarky and he finally lands Ava.

[quietlyhumiliated]

I realized I'm somehow even further behind than I thought with my posting schedule. So...I'm dropping THREE chapters today.

Ninety-Five

I had to laugh out loud when the next person to walk through Lyndie and Ava’s door was Evan. I was always happy to see my old roommate, of course–it was just good to see that he was still doing his best to overcome his agoraphobia. 

He went for one of those manly half-hugs-with-a-back-slap, but I turned it into a full on embrace, wrapping both of my arms around him. The girls knew how to greet friends, and I was going to borrow it.

“Wow, uh, good to see you too, man,” he laughed, embracing me back as I gave him a good squeeze.

“How’ve you been?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Can’t complain.”

“You’re here,” I said. “That’s cool.”

He chuckled and shrugged. “I’m doing better. Getting out of the apartment as much as I can. I don’t always love it, but it’s helping.”

“I bet.”

“How about you, man?” he asked, giving me a pat on the shoulder. “How’re things? Working on that, uh, potty training? Or are you still wearing…”

“I don’t think we’re allowed to use the d-word tonight,” I said, hoping I sounded the right amount of sarcastic. “Ava’s rule.”

“Ah,” he nodded. “But…?”

“I’m working on it.”

He laughed. “I’m assuming you’re still living with Ms. Heller over at her place?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Though…” I debated whether or not I should say anything about the studio apartment. Part of me worried that talking about it, without the plans being set in stone, would just be jinxing it. Another part of me just felt bad that I’d be telling yet another person about it before I talked to Mommy about it.  

I justified it by telling myself that I was just practicing how I’d tell Mommy about it. “Though I’ve got a place I’m looking into right now,” I continued. “For myself.”

“Is that so? Is everything good with you and Ms. Heller? Or are you just, like…”

“Growing up,” I said, nodding. “Or trying to. I love her, and I always will. But I can’t stay there forever.”

“Well good for you, man,” he said, slapping me on the shoulder one more time. 

“How’s things at the old place?” I asked. “With your roommate, uh…Marshall?”

“Yeah,” Evan said, seemingly impressed that I remembered his name. “Going well. Though, as it turns out, Marshall’s got his own weird sex-stuff.”

I laughed. “Really? What’s he into?”

“None of my business,” Evan shrugged. “All I know is that he’s got this girl who comes over once in a while and they both, like, meow at each other. He had a scratch on his face the other day after she left and…yeah, I don’t know. Maybe someday I’ll have a normal roommate.”

“Maybe you’re the weird one,” I said. Though, admittedly, my cheeks were warming a little at the idea of being the first in a series of ‘abnormal’ roommates. “You need to meet some freaky people and do weird shit in your bedroom.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, I’ll work on that.”

“Well, look, don’t let me hold you up. Go say hi to everyone. Get a beer. Get a snack.”

Evan drifted off, giving me the moment to myself I needed to slightly adjust my pants–I told myself I was only dribbling in my pull-up earlier…but then I ‘dribbled’ in it twice more after. I was, at best, mildly wet. Which was probably wet enough for a place like this. And if I added any more to it, I’d probably need to think about a change–and I didn’t bring any extra with me.

I thought of Megan’s diaper bag in her car, but…Ava would probably kill me if she knew I was in a thick diaper in front of all her and Caleb’s friends.

I just had to be careful. It seemed obvious, but it should’ve seemed obvious before I started releasing little squirts into my pull-up too. 

I needed a new drink, and so I wandered into the kitchen. But somewhere, layered in the ambient noise of cans being opened, bottles clinking, food being crunched on, and people talking, I swore I could hear something else–a sound that I had become well-trained for picking up on. It sounded like the crinkle of a plastic undergarment.

But who? Both of the key suspects, Paige and Megan, were in the kitchen–but both had already denied wearing one. Well, someone’s a liar. I was surprised I hadn’t caught the sound earlier, but maybe the acoustics were just better in the kitchen. 

“Hey!” a voice said, cutting my investigation short. It was Caleb. “Clark, I’m glad you made it. Let me introduce you to some of my friends. This is Matthew, Bethanne, and this is my brother Gerry. And that’s Ava–but you already know her. Everyone? This is Clark. He used to work with Ava.”

I didn’t love being just ‘the guy who used to work with Ava.’ Ava and I were friends. Maybe more than that at some point. Now I just felt like a footnote. Still, I kept a smile on my face and greeted everyone with polite handshakes and waves. Ava and I embraced–she seemed embarrassed that she hadn’t talked to me sooner.

“When did you get here?” she asked.

“Oh, just a few minutes ago.”

She blushed a little. “Come on, let’s get you something to drink.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I’d already been there long enough to down a bottle of cider–and wet my pull-ups again–so I just nodded and followed her to the fridge.

Once again, I could hear the muffled sound of crinkling somewhere around me. Lyndie and Paige weren’t in the kitchen, so that just left…Megan. Who was, in fact, standing just a foot or two away from the fridge. I smirked at her, thinking about how I’d give her some hell for her little fib later. She gave me a confused look, like she didn’t know why I was smiling at her. Oh, you’ll hear all about it soon enough.

“Here,” Ava said, pushing a bottle into my hand. “I think you like this, right?”

It was the brand of beer I used to buy when I lived with Evan, way back when. It was funny, because most of my memories of this beer now revolved around when he, myself, Ava and Lyndie sat around our table drinking them. 

“Thanks,” I said. I wanted to say more, but Caleb cleared his throat as he stepped out of the kitchen and into the center of the apartment. 

“Hey everybody, I think we’re just going to get started. I’ve got a ton of games here, so maybe we’ll split up into a few groups and start trying some games out. We’ve got the coffee table over there for one group. The dining room table over there for another. And I’ve got a folding table I’ll set up if we have a third game.”

“Do they have Monopoly?” Megan asked me.

“I don’t know if this is a Monopoly sort of crowd,” I shrugged.

“I know you guys really wanted to play Raiders of Dust Mountain,” Caleb said to Matthew, Bethanne, and Gerry. “But it’s optimized for four players so…”

“Oh, don’t worry about me,” Ava said, likely sensing where he was going with that. “We’ll find a game to play.” She pointed at Megan and myself.

The two stragglers on the couch–Dion and Tati, apparently–had claimed the coffee table for some sort of board game about birds. Evan, Lyndie and Paige had somehow managed to get pulled into that one. Leaving just myself, Ava and Megan. I grabbed the first board game off the top of a stack and we migrated to another corner of the living room where Ava set up the folding table and chairs for us.

“Midnight Massacre,” I said, reading the name of the game to the girls. “Apparently one of us is a murderer and the others are potential victims?”

“I’ve never played this,” Ava shrugged.

“Is it hard to learn?” Megan asked.

I opened the box, and began digging through all of the components. There seemed to be a near-infinite number of pieces and cards. There was a board. Dice. A timer of some sort. Little plastic figures. Three or four different decks of cards with different shapes and designs. There was not only a thick rule book, but a second rule book called the ‘Quick Rules’–despite still being at least 20 pages.

“Are all of these games like this?” Megan frowned.

“Caleb does tend to like, uhm, complicated games,” Ava shrugged.

“Just like he likes his women?” I asked. I regretted it as soon as I said it–I had no idea what I actually meant by that.

Still, Ava snorted at that, shaking her head. “You’re such a doofus sometimes.” I loved joking around with her like this.

I could hear that sound again–the faint crinkle of a thick diaper under someone’s clothes. And the fact that it was coming from this table only further proved that it was, in fact, Megan. Once more, I felt a little pang of excitement for getting to tease her about it later. 

“Fuck it,” Megan said, flipping through the so-called ‘quick rules’ with a scowl on her face. “We’re going to make up our own game with these pieces.” She laid the game board out on the table–it was a grid inside of the crosssection of a house. She then took three of the colorful plastic figures and dropped them onto the board. “One murderer and two victims. We’ll just take turns rolling dice and moving that many spaces. If the murderer reaches you, you’re dead.”

“That seems harsh,” Ava said. “I don’t want to be murdered.”

Megan laughed and nodded. “Okay. What if we were playing…” She glanced around to make sure everybody else was focused enough on their own games. “...Midnight Mommy. One of us is the ‘mommy,’ and the other two are babies who need changes. If the mommy figure catches up to you…you’ve been changed and put to bed.”

We all laughed and blushed simultaneously.

“Well, I suppose Ava’s going to have to be the mommy,” I said, sliding one of the figures towards her. “She’s the only mature one of the three of us.”

“Excuse me?” Megan laughed. “I think I’m pretty mature.”

“Well one of us has actually committed to grown-up underpants,” I said softly, trying to sidestep the use of the d-word.

Megan shrugged like she had no idea what I was talking about and grabbed another one of the figures. “Fair enough.”

“Do you still, uhm, wear…those?” Ava asked Megan.

Megan nodded without missing a beat. “Sure do. You’re lucky I didn’t wear one here, honestly.”

I narrowed my eyes as I stared at Megan. I was so sure that I had heard her crinkling earlier–but this was Megan we were talking about. Of any of us, she’d be the most likely–well, her and Paige–to stand up in front of the whole party and declare that she was wearing a diaper. So if Megan said she wasn’t wearing one, maybe I really was going crazy.

But then I heard the crinkling again. Well, if it wasn’t Megan, and it wasn’t me…

I glanced over to Ava, and she glanced back. She could see what I was thinking, and her cheeks turned bright red. 

“Ava, are you…”

“Shush,” she said. “Don’t say it.”

“But you are…”

“Y-yes,” she said. “Let’s not make a big deal about this.”

“Wait,” Megan said. “What’s going on now?”

“I was wrong about who I assigned the ‘mommy’ role to,” I shrugged. “Turns out that this one over here is, uh, wearing a you-know-what.”

“Tsk tsk.” Megan laughed and shook her head. 

“I couldn’t help myself,” Ava sighed. “I’ve just been thinking about them nonstop since we were all over at Clark’s place and…”

“Sounds like quite the party,” Megan said to me. 

“Yeah…I should’ve invited you. But, uhm, one thing at a time. So, Ava, aren’t you afraid Caleb or someone else is going to notice?”

Ava grimaced and looked back at Caleb’s table, where he was explaining the rules of their board game. If complexity was measured by the number of components a game had, whatever game they were playing looked like the most complicated thing ever made. “W-we can talk about this, but let’s do it later, okay? Not now.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “But you’re no longer the ‘mommy’ in Midnight Mommy.”

“Well it’s certainly not you, Mr. Pull-ups,” Megan said. 

Ava laughed at this–it always seemed easy for people to bond when they had picking on me in common. “Well, Megan, seeing as you’re the only person not wearing, uhm, something padded, I guess that makes you the ‘mommy.’”

For a few minutes we mindlessly took turns rolling dice and moving our pawns around the grid, but it wasn’t especially exciting. We still grinned and giggled at each other as we went about our turns–I suspected there was at least a little fun in imagining that we were babies crawling around a big house while ‘Mommy’ pursued us with a fresh diaper–but it was clear that the charm wouldn’t last as long as we needed it to.

“Nobody’s paying attention to us,” I said. “You’re sure we can’t talk about this?”

Ava nervously looked around the room again. “And when you say ‘this’ you mean…?”

“He means your d-word,” Megan said, her smug smile reminding me of a bratty sister jabbing her finger in another sibling’s face while saying “You can’t get mad, I’m not touching you!”

“You two are the worst together,” she spat. “Now I’m glad the three of us never hung out before this.” There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice, though I would’ve needed more time to determine the ratio of sarcasm to seriousness. “We…shouldn’t talk about that.”

“Right, but…that’s all I can think about right now,” I said. I kind of regretted saying it–Ava didn’t need to know that.

Thankfully, Megan had my back: “Yeah, honestly, it’s all I’m thinking about too.”

If Lyndie was my big sister, Megan was my twin–the naughty and playful devil to my angel. Though, calling myself an ‘angel’ was, admittedly, a bit of a stretch.

Ava rolled her eyes. In a hushed tone: “What do you want to know?”

“Is this the first time you decided to wear one?” I asked.

“Yes,” she sighed. “Not my best idea. But, in my defense, it wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I put one on this morning–I stole it from Lyndie’s room–and I was just going to wear it until it got closer to the party. But then Caleb and his friends showed up earlier than I expected and now…I’m stuck with it.”

“Well…go now and take it off,” Megan said, pointing down the hallway towards the bathroom and bedrooms. “Nobody would be the wiser.”

“Right,” Ava sighed. “But…”

“But she wants to wear it now,” I said with an understanding nod. “I bet it’s pretty thrilling, huh? With all these people around. Caleb himself, even–having no idea what you’re wearing.”

“Y-yeah,” Ava said, her cheeks reddening. “It’s been a while since I felt this, you know? It’s a rush–and there’s nothing else that makes me feel like this. I love it. But I hate it too.”

“I know it’s weird for me to be the voice of reason,” I said. “But…just be careful, okay? I’m guessing Caleb still doesn’t know?”

“Doesn’t know what?” a voice asked. It was, in fact, Caleb–swinging by our table to see how we were doing.

“Doesn’t know how to play this game,” Megan said, so matter-of-factly that I almost believed it was true myself.

“Well Midnight Massacres isn’t that hard to play,” he shrugged. “Did you guys see the quick rules?”

All three of us at the table burst into laughter at the same time.

“We’re figuring it out,” Ava said. “And if that doesn’t work out, we’ll just grab another game.”

“Yeah, of course,” Caleb said. “And, uhm, I threw some other games in the pile too–like Battleship and Yahtzee–just in case.”

I didn’t think he meant it to sound condescending, but it certainly felt like it. 

“Sure,” Ava said. “Thanks.” And that was it. Caleb offered a little wave and wandered away from the table. I didn’t know what else I was expecting from that interaction, but something definitely felt off about it.

Megan seemed to have noticed it too. “So…he’s your boyfriend, right?”

Ava nodded. “Yeah. Why?”

“He just didn’t really act like it,” Megan shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t want to judge or anything.”

“Things are kind of in an awkward state right now,” Ava sighed. “We had this big blow-up a week or two about where we were in our relationship and what the next step was. But we didn’t actually resolve anything, you know? It feels like, instead, we just got sick of arguing about it and decided to just pretend that everything was fine instead.” She looked up from the table, seeming to remember where she was, and muttered something under her breath. “Shit, sorry about that. I…didn’t want to get into that today. New rule: no talking about relationships today.”

“Got it,” I said. “No mention of the d-word and the r-word.”

“Despite the fact that you’re having problems with both,” Megan added.

“These aren’t problems,” Ava said. “These are, uh, inconveniences.”

“Maybe we should play something else,” I said. “Something with rules that we can actually comprehend. That might help distract us.”

“Don’t worry,” Megan laughed, “he put Battleship and Yahtzee into the game pile just for dummies like us.”

“Th-that’s not what he said,” Ava sighed. But it was quite clearly written on her face that she still knew that it was what he might have meant.

I didn’t think Caleb was a bad guy. He wasn’t a villain, nor an abuser or even a creep. He was just a guy trying to figure things out like the rest of us. Maybe part of his journey would be learning how to be a better partner–but I didn’t want to hold it against him. I certainly had my own doubts about my ability to be a good boyfriend–if ever given the chance.

“Alright,” Megan said, bringing both of her hands down on the table. “I don’t know shit about board games. But I like having fun, and we need to start having some. So I’m going to grab a few things and I’ll be right back.” 

She was gone before either Ava or I could say anything else. Not that we would’ve stopped her–Megan had the exact right idea.

“So, a d-word, huh?” I finally said to Ava when it was just us at the small folding table.

She laughed. “Don’t you start with me, Mr. P-word.”

“P-word? Is that…pee?” But how did she know what I did in my pull-ups? Oh. “Pull-ups?”

She rolled her eyes. “Duh.”

“Okay, but forget about everything else for a minute,” I said. “The thrills and the secrets and the other people. How does it feel to just be in a di–” I almost said the word. I doubted anyone would’ve heard it, but it still seemed important that I get it right. “How does it feel to just be in a d-word?”

She laughed as her cheeks got a little red again. “I missed this.”

I wondered what it’d be like for myself–having a day in the future where I was putting a diaper on for the first time in months. Years, maybe. What would that feel like?

“It’s nice,” I said. “I know people think I’ve gotten used to them by now–but that’s the thing, I don’t think I ever really have. They still feel amazing to me.”

“Can I offer a little life advice?” asked Ava. “Like, I know I’m not an expert on life–look at my own. But I think I might’ve figured at least one thing out–and that revelation came to me today.”

“Okay, let’s hear it.”

“It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Like…we don’t have to give up something that’s important to us just to be an ‘adult’–whatever that even is. I know you think you need to put all the baby stuff away to ‘grow up,’ but…”

“Wait, we can say ‘baby stuff’ but we can’t say…”

“Just listen to me, Clark,” she sighed. I nodded, and she continued: “What if being an adult isn’t replacing things you’ve deemed ‘immature’ with more mature things? What if it’s just finding a way to balance the two?”

Ava hadn’t said anything that profound–I was sure I had the same thought once or twice–but she was still right. And I still needed to hear it again. She probably needed to hear it again too.

“I hope you always love your fantasy anime, Clark. I hope you always give yourself the chance to crawl around on the floor when you want to. I hope you always have a love of diapers–even when life is too busy to put one on.”

“You said the word,” I said. I wished I had something better to say than that, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

She laughed. “Oops.”

“Thank you, Ava. I needed to hear that. And, you know, right back at you.”

“What do you think?” she asked. “Think we’ll be wearing d-words together when we’re 80? Think we’ll even know each other when we’re 80?”

“I think we’ll know each other,” I nodded. “And we’ll have to be wearing them at that point. Whether we like it or not.”

“Hey,” she said. “I was thinking about when we were all over at your house and we got real drunk?”

My heart started beating faster in my chest. “Y-yeah?”

“Well…some of that night is starting to come back to me and…”

“Alright,” Megan said, suddenly appearing at the table with Yahtzee, three more beers and a plate stacked high with a random assortment of snacks. “Let’s have some actual fun.”

Ava and I looked at each other and smiled bashfully. Whatever she was going to bring up, it was a conversation we’d have to have another time.

Ninety-Six

I had foolishly let myself believe that Megan was a loner, mostly because that was the only context I had ever known her in. But looking back, the signs might’ve been there that she was a little more gregarious than she let on. When I think back to the time I was at her apartment–the same day she accidentally sent some stomach-churning shots of my diaper to my own mother–I remembered seeing the photos of her and her friends on the walls.

I had asked if the people in those photos were still her friends. “Some are still friends. Some aren’t. I changed. And they changed too.”

I was seeing another side of Megan at Ava and Lyndie’s party, though. She seemed to be thriving. She was a hit. She had the funniest jokes and the wittiest banter. She could walk up to anyone and strike up a conversation. And it seemed to be contagious–I felt myself breaking out of my shell a little just by being around her. 

We got through a whole game of Yahtzee, with the help of another round of beer. Megan had conquered Ava and I, unsurprisingly. We finished around the same time that Lyndie’s table finished with whatever game they were playing, and rather than jumping into a new game, both groups just started mingling. Judging by the occasional glances from the table occupied by Caleb and his friends, we were probably being a little distracting. I wondered if it annoyed him that there was a stack of games on the table that we were all actively ignoring now.

Board games were fun–and I wished I had the time and patience to learn some of the more complex ones–but between the food, company, and booze, it was unlikely that this would be the night. A sentiment that I suspected was shared amongst everyone else who wasn’t at Caleb’s table.

“What game did you play?” Paige asked me.

“Midnight something-or-other,” I told her, only remembering the name ‘Midnight Mommies’ that we had made up ourselves. “Oh, and Yahtzee.”

“Yahtzee?” she exclaimed. “Damn, I love Yahtzee. I didn’t even know that was an option.”

“What about your little cluster–what did you all play?”

“Something about birds,” Paige shrugged. “I liked it, I guess. I’ll be honest–I don’t really know what was happening.”

“That’s what happens when you’ve got baby-brain,” I teased.

“Excuse me?” she laughed. “I do not have… Alright, maybe a little. But, look, I can’t help myself when she’s around.” She pointed over her shoulder towards where Lyndie was talking to Ava and Megan. “She’s just so good at making me feel, uhm, small.”

“I know how that is,” I said. I was thinking of Mommy–but Lyndie could easily make me feel the same way.

“Oh, come over here,” she said to me. “Have you met Dion and Tati yet?”

“Can’t say I have, no.”

Paige dragged me towards the couch, where the two stood up–the first time I had seen either move much since I arrived– with outstretched hands to meet me.

“This is Dion,” Paige said. “He works with Ava and Caleb, I guess?”

“Hey man,” Dion said, shaking my head. It was pure conjecture on my part, but Dion and Tati seemed pretty ‘toasty.’ They’d been smoking something just before coming here, and I wouldn’t have minded a toke myself.

“Good to meet you,” I said.

“And this is Tati,” Paige announced. “She’s Dion’s…uh, boyfriend?”

“I’m not his anything,” Tati laughed. “He’s mine.” She motioned like she was going to shake my hand, but ended up pulling me in for a hug. Somewhere in her jasmine-scented aura were the faint traces of cannabis that I was expecting. 

“Lyndie was saying that you used to work with Ava?” Dion asked me.

I nodded. “That’s right.”

“Was she a pain in the ass then too?”

We all laughed, and Ava suddenly appeared at my side–seemingly summoned by the mention of her name. “Don’t listen to him, Clark. I’m only a pain in the ass because someone has to step up to get things done once in a while.”

There’s a brief moment where I’m nervous that I’ve somehow stepped into some sort of feud that’s spilled out of the office, but then Dion and Ava both start cracking up–much to my relief.

“Seriously, though,” Dion said, gently taking Ava by the shoulders and giving her a playful shake. “This one right here is the best.”

Tati cleared her throat.

“W-well, you know, the best at the office,” he quickly corrected.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Ava was getting pulled back into another conversation with Lyndie, Paige, and Megan–that seemed like a dangerous group.

“You work with Caleb too, right?” I asked, my head nodding to the side, in the direction of the table where Caleb and his friends were still in the midst of some epic quest.

“Yeah,” Dion said with a shrug. He was notably less excited about Caleb than he was about Ava. I didn’t really want to overthink his reaction too much, but I was kind of curious.

I knew I shouldn’t be talking about one of the party’s hosts–especially as he was a few feet from me, but I couldn’t help myself: “He seems like a nice guy. Don’t really know him that well myself though.”

“Look, uh, I love Ava,” he said. “She’s an angel. The type of person that I’d do just about anything for. She invites me to a board game party, and I’m there–and I’m not even into stuff like that.”

I’m expecting a ‘but,’ or some further commentary on Caleb to follow, though it doesn’t come. In a way, that almost feels like a slam against Caleb in itself–he’s got plenty of nice things to say about Ava, but little to say about Caleb.

But then I have to ask myself: What am I doing? I really don’t want to hate Caleb. 

“Ava says you’re a fan of Mythical Knights of Far Earth,” Dion said. “I fucking love that show.”

There’s a big stupid smile on my face. Am I happy to be talking about Mythical Knights? Or am I just happy to know that Ava talks about me with her co-workers. “Yeah, same here, man.”

“Favorite character?” he asked with a knowing grin.

We both said the same name at the same time: “Bruck!”

“He’s the best,” Dion said. “That whole arc about him and Daleigh? Goddamn, it’s going to make me tear up just thinking about it now.”

“I keep telling him that if he’s going to cry at a romance subplot in a cartoon, he should try watching actual romances,” Tati interjected. 

“Well in his defense,” I offered, “Bruck’s story is about more than romance. It’s a story about Bruck being humbled in battle and the toll it takes on him. He’s left feeling like he has to start from the beginning again. He feels like he has to earn the respect of everyone who ever fought alongside him again. Doubly so for Daleigh, who he thinks he’s abandoned in his quest to build himself up again.”

Actually, if I squinted a little, I thought I could see my own story reflected in the adventures of Bruck. I probably didn’t have to fight the dark elves of Negeylsthom, but…maybe my dark elves–the obstacles I had to face to get back to where I wanted to be–came in the form of diapers and pacifiers.

But then again, Bruck hadn’t killed the dark elves–he befriended them. And wasn’t that, more or less, what Ava had said about finding a balance between diapers and being an adult?

“Y’all are weird,” Tati shrugged. She seemed to give up on us, and joined the other gabbing girls.

“Have you seen Off-Planet Capers yet?” Dion asked.

I’d heard the name referenced before, often in conversations about Mythical Knights of Far Earth, though I knew nothing about it. I shook my head. “No. Is it good?”

“It’s, like, the spiritual successor of Far Earth. Same creators. I think you’d dig it. The main character, Marsk, reminds me a lot of Bruck. Some fans speculate that the series was originally supposed to be about Bruck’s adventures after the Brumhein Wars. The creators have never confirmed it…but it’s pretty obvious if you think about it.”

“Oh yeah?”

“And, you know, if you liked the romance between Bruck and Daleigh, you’ll be happy to know that Marsk starts the series off with a wife–Jeela–and they’re happily together for the whole series. Kind of like how you hoped Bruck and Daleigh would’ve been after Far Earth.”

“Damn,” I said. “I, uh, really need to watch that show.” It was such a silly thing, and the logical part of my brain knew that some decades old anime wasn’t actually a roadmap for my relationship with Ava–but it did help to inspire a little pang of optimism in me.

We talked about anime for a little while, among other things. Books. Music. The fact that neither of us were big sports fans. Somewhere during that conversation, Evan found his way into the conversation, and we discussed our favorite Scorcese movies. And that felt good. Male camaraderie wasn’t something I ever really had a need for–or maybe I just took it for granted at an earlier part of my life–but experiencing it now made me realize how little of it I’d had in recent months. 

From Caleb’s table–the only group left playing a game–some sort of dispute had broken out. “You can’t do that!” Caleb exclaimed at Gerry. “You have to have an artifact token to operate a device, and you used yours already!”

“Yeah, but remember that you can also exchange debris tokens for gold at the market. So I was able to buy an…”

“No,” Caleb said again. “You can’t. You can only buy green artifact tokens from the market, but it has to be, at least, a red token to operate a device of that level!”

“Ridiculous!” spat Gerry. “You’re just mad because you’re losing at your own game and–”

“Hey now,” Ava said, quickly swooping in at Caleb’s side. “This doesn’t really seem like the sort of thing worth getting mad about. Why don’t we…take a break from the game for a little bit?”

Dion laughed a little–perhaps offering a little more insight as to his feelings towards Caleb. Behind me, I could hear the hushed giggles from Lyndie, Paige, Megan, and Tati. 

“Good idea,” Caleb said, seeming to exhale any negativity he was feeling and resetting himself. “Let’s order some pizza or something. I can get back to kicking Gerry’s ass later.”

Caleb’s group splintered apart and disseminated into the rest of the party. Groupings and conversations were changing every few minutes. It had been a while since I’d been at anything that qualified as a party–and that would’ve been true even before Mommy put a diaper on me. I was nervous that I’d be too overwhelmed and anxious to enjoy myself, but I actually found it easier to handle than expected. It didn’t hurt that I already knew more than half of everyone there–and they knew me well enough to know my stinkiest secrets. I got to meet the dry-humored Matthew and his bored-out-of-her-mind girlfriend Bethanne. I briefly chatted with Caleb’s brother Gerry–who I found to be terse and insufferable. Then, it was back to talking to Dion and Tati again, this time learning about Tati’s soap-making business that was, apparently, starting to pick up some steam. 

Ava and I ran into each other–almost literally–as we were coming and going from the kitchen at the same time. “How’re you holding up?” I asked. I was, of course, specifically talking about her diaper, and felt that I needed to make sure that was clear. “Uh, with your…d-word.”

She snorted and shook her head. “You’re such a goober, Clark. I love that about you.”

Calm down. She didn’t say she loved you…

“Well, I don’t know what being a ‘goober’ entails,” I shrugged.

“It’s fine,” she said. “Honestly, I’m terrified of using it. I want to–I have to–I just…I don’t know that I can while everyone else is around.”

“I get that.”

“What about you?” she asked. “Are you, uh, putting that p-word to good use?”

I hadn’t added anything else to my pull-up since I dampened it earlier in the party, and I was still trying to keep it that way. I didn’t want to risk an accident–especially since it was more than my own reputation on the line. I doubted it’d be a good look for Ava if I started leaking piss down my legs in front of Caleb and his posse.

“Damp,” I finally said. “But it should hold.”

“It’d be a shame if it didn’t, right?” she asked with a mischievous little grin. While I couldn’t tell if she was being playful or serious, I felt pretty sure that she was being flirty–in the weird way only us big babies could be. 

“Have you been drinking?” I asked, as if looking for a way to write off her naughty energy.

“Not really,” she shrugged. I believed that too–I was sure I had drunk more than she had at that point, and I would’ve said I was mostly sober.

I wanted to continue that conversation, but just as quickly as we had run into each other, she was on her way again, heading over to where Caleb was chatting with Matthew and Gerry. It was the ice water I needed to have dumped over my head–wasn’t I the one who kept saying that I was going to stop thinking about Ava?

Elsewhere, Tati, Evan, and Bethanne seemed to be enjoying a conversation together, and hitting it off rather well from the looks of it. It was the most engaged I had seen Bethanne looking all night.

Meanwhile, Megan and Paige seemed to be hitting it off well themselves. While I couldn’t be sure what they were giggling about, I saw both of them occasionally turning and glancing in my direction. It would come as no surprise if they were sharing embarrassing stories about me–there were plenty to choose from.

“How you doing, kiddo?” Lyndie asked, appearing at my side.

“I’m good,” I nodded. “You?”

“Can’t complain. Or…I could complain, but I’m not going to. One or the other.”

“What’s there to complain about?” I asked.

“Other than the company?”

“Oh…should I not have brought Megan?”

She snorted and shook her head. “No, I like her. The only thing about Megan that annoys me is that I didn’t take the opportunity to get to know her better. No, I mean the other company. Caleb and his cronies.”

“Oh. They seem nice.” I wasn’t sure that I knew enough about any of them to actually believe that was true, but it seemed like the polite thing to say.

“I don’t hate the guy,” Lyndie said, her voice quieting a little, “but I think I’m getting a little sick of him. It’s a lot of little things that just add up.”

I opened my mouth, ready to ask for examples, but I shut it just as fast. No. It was none of my business. I wasn’t going to villainize Caleb. “Yeah, but Ava likes him, so…”

Lyndie smiled sweetly at me–the sweetest smile she’d offered in a while. “You know, that reminds me…I wanted to thank you.”

“Thank…me? I didn’t do anything.”

“I’m not sure that you did it on purpose,” she laughed, grabbing my hand and holding it in hers. “But you did it nonetheless.”

“What’d I do?”

“You brought a whole bunch of us together, Clark. Me, Ava, Evan. Paige. Megan. Even Gabby. All of these friendships and relationships, and you were at the center of it all. If you weren’t here–I don’t think we’d all be here. I don’t think I’d have these friends that I consider to be my best friends. Thank you.”

“Well, uh, maybe I should thank you too for all the, uhm…”

“Let’s not make it a competition, Clarky. Just say ‘you’re welcome.’”

“You’re welcome.”

“Attaboy.”

“When I move out of Mommy’s place, whether it’s sooner or later, I’ll throw a party of my own. Diapers are mandatory. No Calebs allowed.”

“Careful,” she teased, squeezing my hand.

“R-right. D-words are mandatory.”

“Even me?” she asked.

“You said you put one on the other day didn’t you? Sorry, but you’re one of us now.”

“I’m surprised that’s the kind of party you want to throw,” she shrugged. “I’d think that by the time you moved into your own place, you’d have fully ‘grown up’ or whatever.”

I laughed and ran a hand through my hair. “You know, I was reminded tonight that I’d be better served looking for balance, instead of cutting out parts of my life that are important to me.”

“Very wise,” she said. “And not to change the subject, but which do you think will happen first? Are you going to get your chastity removed, or are you going to move out?”

“We can’t say the d-word, but we can say the c-word?”

Lyndie rolled her eyes, but didn’t actually answer the question.

“Uh…I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I probably shouldn’t say this out loud but…I don’t even think about it as much as I used to. I mean, don’t get me wrong–there’s days where it’s all I think about. But…then it’ll be, like, Friday and I’ll realize that I haven’t thought about being locked up all week.”

“If she ever does unlock you, I feel sorry for the closest box of tissues.”

I felt my face getting incredibly warm. “H-hey…”

“I’d say I’m teasing, but am I wrong?”

“N-no… Probably not.”

There seemed to be some sort of excitement coming from the other side of the room. Caleb and Ava were exchanging words–those harshly whispered words that really were never as quiet as people thought they were. It seemed a little tense, but I was sure I was wrong about that. They were just joking around, probably. But then I saw the concern on Lyndie’s face too.

“What do you think that’s about?” I asked.

“They’ve been having a tough time of it lately,” Lyndie shrugged. “Who knows what that’s about.”

“Should we…?”

“No,” Lyndie said. “They don’t think anyone’s watching. Maybe we should pretend that’s the case and let them get through the moment? I don’t want to embarrass Ava.”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “But if things escalate…”

“What are you going to do?” Lyndie asked. “Throw your d-word at them?”

I sighed. “I bet it’d get the job done.”

“We need to distract ourselves. Speaking of d-words, how’s yours holding up?”

“It’s…damp.” But I had eclipsed ‘damp’ a while ago. Throughout the last hour, I kept letting out little spurts into my pull-up–trying not to just completely wet myself, but attempting to just ease the building pressure in my bladder. The thing was, a handful of ‘little spurts’ had a way of adding up, and now it was safe to say that I was, in fact, soaked.

She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow. That signature caregiver look that said ‘I don’t believe you.’

“I’m wet,” I said.

“I have diapers in my room,” she said.

I didn’t even bother to correct her use of ‘diaper’ this time. “Are they for, uhm, Paige?”

“They’re for whoever needs them,” she said, her cheeks getting a little rosy. “Though…yeah, I suppose Paige benefits the most from them. And you…if you need a change.”

“But then I’d be in a diaper,” I said. I almost added that they’d probably be girly diapers, but that seemed unimportant. 

“Well, sure. But you are in a wet pull-up, right? You can’t keep wearing that. Nobody’s going to know that you’re wearing a diaper.”

I thought of Ava, waddling around the party with her secret padding under her clothes. She seemed to be doing fine. Well, she had been doing fine earlier. At the moment, she was looking a little flustered as it looked like she was trying to explain something to Caleb.

“Yeah…let’s go,” I said. I didn’t love having to be the baby at this party, but I did it to myself. If nothing else, I needed to get out of this pull-up.

Lyndie led the way, weaving around a few huddled conversations along the way. She briefly paused near Paige, whispering something in her ear.

“Oh really?” Paige said. “Well…can I come?”

Lyndie looked back at me. “Well? Do you mind if you have an audience?”

It wouldn’t be the first time. “Y-yeah, I guess. But, you know…” I was going to tell her that I didn’t actually need help changing myself. I was more than capable of taking the pull-up off of myself and disposing of it. I’d need something to wear in their place…but if a diaper was my only option, I could’ve handled that alone too.

Whatever. There’d eventually be a day where nobody would be changing my diapers for me and I’d be sad about it. I wasn’t going to turn down Lyndie.

Lyndie was on the march again, and I followed, with Paige trailing behind me closely. I wondered if anyone else was watching us, and if they were, what they thought we were doing. I doubted that anyone would guess the truth. Well, Ava might. Or Megan. Or Evan…

We filed into Lyndie’s room and she closed the door behind us. I realized that I had never before put much thought into what Lyndie’s bedroom might look like, and now that I was here, I wasn’t sure if this was exactly what I would’ve imagined, or if it was something else entirely. Clearly she hadn’t been expecting guests, given the unmade bed and the few bits of clothing hung over her furniture–but it seemed pretty tidy otherwise. She had lots of books, which I found to be a little bit of a surprise. We’d never talked about books, or reading before.

“Alright,” Lyndie sighed as she looked at me. “If you have any comments to make about my room, get them out of your system.”

“You, uh, read a lot?”

“Yep. Anything else?”

I glanced around the room again, looking to see if there was anything else worth talking about. I pointed to a peach colored bra with blue polka dots that was draped over her dresser. “Uhm…that’s a nice bra over there?”

“That’s enough out of you,” she said. “Lie down on my bed so I can change your d-word.” We all laughed at that.

“Look, as you’re giving out diaper changes,” Paige said, her cheeks getting a little pink. “Maybe you can sign me up for one of those?”

“Paige, normally I’d love nothing more than to see you waddling around in a thick diaper. But Ava would murder me you were crinkling while she hosted Caleb and his crew.”

I opened my mouth, ready to reveal that Ava was crinkling herself at the moment, but decided against it at the last second. If Ava had wanted anyone else to know, she would’ve said so.

“Yeah, but Clark gets to wear a diaper,” Paige said, almost sounding like an actual three year old who wasn’t getting her way. “Doesn’t seem fair to me.”

“Clark doesn’t have anything else to wear because a dummy who not only didn’t think to bring a change of pull-ups, but thought it’d be a good idea to soak the one he was wearing. Seriously, Clark, I thought Gabby was potty training you.” She had unbuckled my belt and was now pulling my pants down my legs.

“She is. I mean…” I sighed. “I know how to use the toilet. I just have to, like, get in that habit again.”

“Uh huh,” she said. “And so what happened tonight?”

“I chose to wet myself,” I said, not really thinking about how it sounded until the words came out of my mouth. “I mean…I only meant to wet myself a little.”

“You can be sure Mommy’s going to hear about this,” Lyndie said. “She’ll sit you on that potty chair of yours for a whole day.”

“Oh my god,” Paige squealed softly. “Remember when we dumped the potty full of Ava’s piss into his diaper? I still think about that.”

“We all do,” Lyndie chuckled. “I’m sure you do too, huh Clarky?”

“I do,” I groaned. “Though I try not to–seeing as how I can’t do much about it.” More laughter from the girls.

From the other side of the door, someone had put some music on. I couldn’t make out the song itself, but the slow and smooth bass and rumbling beat had me thinking it was R&B.

“I told Ava this was going to happen,” Lyndie said, setting my pants aside as she began to work my pull-up down my legs. “I liked the idea of a game night, but I think Caleb–and maybe his brother–were the only people who really wanted to play any. Now it’s just a party.”

So now there was a party happening only a few feet from where my caged cock was being exposed. I doubted anyone was dancing, but there were probably some heads bopping and some feet tapping. More drinks were being dispersed. The small group, better acclimated now thanks to our board game icebreaker, were talking with each other and opening up more. Jokes were being told. People were laughing. And I was here on a bed, getting my diaper changed–the classic story of my life.

Lyndie had a moist wipe in her hand and she quickly stroked my skin with it, wicking up the last remnants of my pee. Paige stood right next to her, staring down at me with hungry eyes. Did she wish she could change a diaper too? Or did she just wish that she was me?

“You have to be careful,” Lyndie said to me. “Don’t let anyone know you’re wearing a diaper. And by anyone, I mean…”

“Ava,” I said. I cracked a little smile, but I was the only one who knew why that was funny.

“And please, Clark, keep this one dry, okay? And don’t you dare poop your pants.”

“Aw, come on,” Paige said. “Clark, you should definitely poop your pants. Right in front of everyone–just squat down and push a big one out.”

Lyndie shushed her, though she giggled immediately after. “Don’t even tempt him. He’d do it!”

I blushed a little. “Would not!”

“Clark, you filled your diaper up in an office room full of corporate executives!”

“Th-that was different! I didn’t have a choice!” Though, now that I was far removed from that time and place in my life, I couldn’t actually remember if that was true or not.

“Keep this diaper clean,” she said again, now brandishing a clean diaper–mostly white with a colorful strip of cartoon critters at the waistband.

“I will,” I said. I hoped I meant that.

“Come on,” Paige whined–and it was most certainly an actual whine this time–to Lyndie. “I want a diaper too.”

“I shouldn’t,” Lyndie murmured to herself. “But…I do prefer you in one. Fine. You get on the bed too. If Ava says anything to you about it, you tell her to talk to me.”

Once more, I was tempted to divulge the secret of Ava’s diaper, though I remained steadfast. Eventually, the people who needed to know would know. I imagined Ava, seconds after Caleb and his friends left the apartment, pulling down her pants to expose her diaper to everyone who was left–laughing because she had fooled everyone.

I doubted that’d actually happen, but I liked the mental image of it.

“Hey you,” Paige said, now on her back next to me on the bed, her head pivoting towards me. “Funny how we keep getting diapered together, isn’t it?”

“We’re like twins,” I joked.

“Aw, that’s adorable. We’re totally twins.”

The music and the voices of the world beyond Lyndie’s bedroom faded so far into the background that it was practically nonexistent. This was my happy place, on my back and getting put into a clean diaper. For the rest of my life, when I needed to escape from reality–and assuming I wasn’t actually being put into a diaper–I’d think of these moments, and I knew it’d bring me comfort.

“There,” Lyndie finally said, bringing me back to reality. “You’re all set. This diaper is a lot thicker than your pull-up though, so I’m hoping you can get your pants over it.”

At that point, I was pretty sure that every pair of pants I owned were capable of fitting over a thick diaper, so I wasn’t too worried about that. I stepped back into my pants and pulled them into place as Lyndie put Paige into a diaper. Looking in Lyndie’s mirror, I felt the padding seemed more noticeable, though I wasn’t sure if it was so obvious that it’d attract unwanted attention. At worst, Ava would probably scowl at me.

“Alright, let’s get back out there,” Lyndie said as Paige got back on her feet again, straightening out her clothes. “They’re going to start to wonder where we wandered off to.”

I noticed something strange as we departed Lyndie’s room: the sounds of the party–the music and voices I had tuned out earlier while getting my diaper changed–never came back. The music was gone. Nobody really seemed to be talking either. I thought, maybe, I was going crazy, but I could see the same concern creeping over Lyndie’s face as the hall gave wayto the living room.

Everyone was silent. There was a distinctly uncomfortable energy in the room at the moment. People were staring at us. Did they know? What did they know?

No, wait. They might have been glancing in our direction, but the focus actually seemed to be on Caleb and Ava, who weren’t too far from where we were standing. Had something been said? Had something happened that we missed?

“So…is everything alright?” Lyndie asked.

I realized Ava’s eyes were welling with tears. We missed something, for sure. She opened her mouth to speak, but seemed to just give up–instead briskly walking away from Caleb. She pushed past Lyndie, Paige, and I before turning into her bedroom where the door shut behind her.

Caleb looked confused, maybe a little embarrassed. He ran a hand through his hair and shrugged. “I’m sorry, everyone. I…didn’t mean for that to happen. I’ll, uhm, go talk to her.”

“Take a beat,” Lyndie said. “I’ll go talk to her.”

Caleb nodded, seeming to agree that it was a good idea. Lyndie quickly turned around and walked back in the direction we just came from, helping herself into Ava’s room.

The negative energy was far from dispelled, but at least conversations were springing up around the apartment again–albeit, ones that sounded a little more hushed and subdued. Caleb was in the kitchen with Matthew, Bethanne, Gerry. Dion and Tati remained parked on the couch, communicating mostly through glances and frowns. Paige, meanwhile, was striking up a conversation with Evan–who almost seemed a little starstruck to be talking to the one-and-only Pizza Girl. 

“So, what happened?” I asked Megan.

She sighed. “I don’t know how it started. I think he was, like, trying to cop a feel, y’know? Getting handsy? I don’t think he meant any harm, he just thought he was being cute and playful.”

“Oh,” I said, starting to think that I could see where this was going. “And he…grabbed something he wasn’t expecting?”

Megan nodded. “Made a big deal about it too. I don’t think he meant to be an ass, but he wasn’t picking up Ava’s signals that it was something she didn’t want to address in front of everyone else.”

“Shit.”

“He, uh, pulled at her pants. Some people might have seen it. But even if he didn’t, he asked if she was wearing a diaper…and I think everybody heard that.”

“Shit.”

“And that’s when you three came back.”

I looked back into the kitchen. Caleb might not have been smiling, but the other three made little effort to hide their giggling and smirks. “I feel like I have to say something.”

“What would you even say?” Megan asked.

Back in the kitchen, Gerry was playfully punching Caleb in the arm. “Dude, you’re dating a big baby?” This was met with more laughter from Matthew and Bethanne. Caleb, to his credit, didn’t seem to find the teasing very funny. “Do you have to wipe her ass too?”

“Shit,” I muttered again. “I think I’m about to do something stupid.”

“Whatever you do,” Megan said, “I’ve got your back if you need me.”

That was all I needed to hear. I started walking towards the kitchen, a finger pointing in the direction of Gerry. I had barely put any thought into what I was going to say or do, but I hoped that I’d figure it out soon. “Hey.”

Everyone in the kitchen stopped what they were doing and turned to look at me. I couldn’t see anyone else in the apartment, but I had no doubt they were looking at me too. 

“You think that’s funny?” I asked.

They had no response to this. Maybe, with enough time, they’d have had more to say, but at this moment they seemed paralyzed by the surprise of being called out.

“Ava doesn’t deserve this,” I said. “She’s nicer and sweeter than any of you.”

Caleb’s hands were open in front of him in a gesture of peace. “Look, I didn’t mean to cause any trouble. I didn’t know…”

“C’mon man,” Gerry said to me,cutting Caleb off. “Who are you, her knight in shining armor? If she’s running around a party in a diaper, then she’s just asking to be made fun of.”

“You want someone to make fun of?” I asked. “Here, I’ll give you someone to make fun of.”

Am I doing this?

I quickly unfastened my pants and began to push them down my thighs.

Yeah…I guess I’m doing this.

Ninety-Seven

By the time Ava emerged from her bedroom, most everyone else had left already. Matthew, Bethanne, and Gerry were the first to go–mostly at Caleb’s urging. Next, Dion and Tati decided it might be best if they left too–though not before Dion gave me his number so we could talk about anime another time. Evan wanted to stay later, but he felt he had already reached his social quota for the day. Nobody could fault him for that.

Caleb stuck around a little while after that, waiting to see if Ava wanted to talk to him. I believed him when he said that he didn’t mean for any of that to happen. He said that he was caught off guard, and blurted out things we wished he had saved for later, when the two of them were alone. I wanted to believe that too.

“Look, I don’t know what to make of this,” he said to me. “Clearly, you and her have some sort of…thing that I don’t know about.”

It was tough to know what to say to him. I could speak for myself, and why I was wearing a diaper, but I couldn’t speak for Ava. I didn’t know what she wanted him to know or to not know. I didn’t know if she was planning on keeping diapers a secret from him forever, or if she had a plan for how she’d introduce him to the concept. It felt wrong to say anything about diapers, for fear that I’d be betraying her.

“It’s bigger than me and her,” I said to him. “But…I think it’d be best if you talked to her about it instead of me.”

“Yeah, well I want to,” he said. “But she doesn’t want to talk to me.”

Finally, he stood on the other side of Ava’s door and told her that he was going to leave. He’d talk to her later. He wanted to talk to her later. He reiterated that he was sorry, and he wasn’t judging her–he just wanted to know more. I thought that’d be the moment when Ava came out of her bedroom, but she didn’t. 

She only returned to the living room just after he left. Lyndie was sitting in a big plush chair, and Paige was sitting on her lap. Megan and I were sitting on either side of the couch. Mostly, we were sipping at some drinks and making small talk–everyone else was getting to know Megan, as she was getting to know then.

“Well, uh, thanks for coming out tonight,” Ava shrugged. “Sorry I fucked it all up.”

“Stop,” Lyndie said. “You don’t owe us an apology.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Just don’t worry about it,” I said. “It’s over now.”

In smaller, more cautious, conversations, we had discussed where the night had gone wrong. Maybe Ava should’ve been more careful about wearing a diaper around her boyfriend–but didn’t she have the right to wear what she wanted? Maybe Caleb should’ve been a little less handsy–but what if prior expectations had been set that she was okay with him doing things like that in public? Maybe Caleb’s friends should’ve kept their mouths shut and minded their own business–but would we have reacted any differently if we knew nothing about diapers and saw a similar scene play out like that?

And so, we agreed that there was no fault to be assigned. It was simply a sequence of unfortunate circumstances with unfortunate timing. 

We couldn’t yet see what the consequences were. Caleb did seem genuinely apologetic, and a lesser man would’ve filed out the door with his friends. If Ava wanted to forgive him, and explain her side of things, I felt confident that they could patch things up. And–despite the fact that it seemed contrary to what I’d been feeling in my heart–I was kind of rooting for Caleb. I hoped they figured it out.

I asked everyone not to tell Ava about me showing off my diapers. In the end, I wasn’t sure if it had actually helped the situation much, and I worried that I might’ve only further convinced Caleb’s friends that Ava, and the company she kept, was insane. But they were at least quiet after that–a small victory, I supposed. I was sure Ava would find out about it eventually anyway, but I just didn’t want it to be tonight.

“Sit down,” Paige said, sliding off of Lyndie’s lap. “I’ll grab one from the fridge for you.”

Ava sat down between Megan and I. “Tell me the truth–how badly did I overreact?” she asked me.

“Look, I would’ve done the same thing,” I said. Would I have? I wasn’t sure, but who could predict how we’d actually react in a surprise situation like that.

“Was Caleb mad when he left?” she asked.

I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so.”

“I’ll call him later,” she shrugged. “We’ve probably got a lot to talk about.”

As tempting as it was to ask what sorts of things would be on the agenda, it wasn’t my business and I kept my mouth shut. If it was pertinent to me, she’d say so.

“Okay,” Lyndie said to Ava, “but now that we’re in safer company, can we just talk about the fact that you wore a diaper tonight?”

We all laughed. It felt good to, just as it did to see Ava laughing with us.

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” sighed Ava, shaking her head and chuckling a little. “I missed that feeling so bad, and I let it cloud my judgment.”

“I’ve been there,” I said. I was sure that all of my most embarrassing moments came from poor decisions I made while in the haze of being baby-brained. “It happens.”

“What now?” Lyndie asked.

“Truth or dare?” Paige asked, returning with a bottle of hard cider to give to Ava.

“Don’t even,” I said, wagging a finger at her. More laughter.

“I guess I must’ve missed something there?” asked Megan.

“Don’t worry,” Lyndie smirked. “I’m sure we’ll eventually play again. And you’ll be invited.”

“Well, uh, welcome to the group, Megan,” I said. “As you can see, we’re not the best at adulting just yet. But we’re trying.”

Megan laughed and shrugged. “Please don’t think that I’m any more mature than any of you. The only reason I haven’t humiliated myself at a party in the last year is because I haven’t been invited to any. And believe me, I refuse to leave my 20s without having my diaper exposed to a room full of strangers at least once.”

“Keep hanging out with us, then,” Ava sighed. “We seem to have a knack for humiliating ourselves.”

The room fell silent and stayed that way for a few minutes. Ava’s energy seemed to dictate the energy of the group at large, and for the moment she seemed a little sad and disconnected. 

I was never that great at parsing social situations, and I certainly hadn’t gotten any better following my months-long stint as an almost-literal infant. But I also saw that as a little bit of an advantage–maybe this wasn’t the time for decorum. 

“Fuck ‘em,” I sighed.

“Hmm?” Ava asked, her head tilting towards me.

“Caleb goofed up, but I think he feels pretty remorseful about it, so that’s not a lost cause, you know? But the rest of them? Fuck ‘em. Matthew and Bethanne barely said a word to me tonight. They barely said a word to anyone that wasn’t Caleb or Gerry. All Bethanned did was roll her eyes…I don’t think either one of them wanted to be here. Fuck ‘em. And Gerry…well, he was just a prick. Fuck ‘em. If you never see any of them ever again, I don’t think you’re missing out. None of them deserve having a friend like you. Fuck ‘em.” 

Deep breath. Hold it. Wait to see if I said too much.

“That’s, uh…” Ava paused, needing another moment to process what I had said. “You’re probably not wrong. But if they’re important people to Caleb…”

Right. I could see where she was going with that: If her and Caleb stayed together, she probably couldn’t avoid them forever. 

“One thing at a time,” Lyndie said. “First, Ava, you need to feel okay. Then, whenever you’re ready, you talk to Caleb. That can be tomorrow’s problem. Tonight? Right now? You’re here with us, and nobody here is judging you. So let’s just chill. If you’ve got diapers on, put them to use.”

“Uh…already started,” Paige said, pink entering her cheeks.

“So, then, am I somehow the only one not wearing a diaper?” Megan asked.

“Well, I’m not,” Lyndie shrugged. 

“You should fix that,” Ava said, quickly adding: “Both of you.”

Lyndie laughed, looking like she might push back a little–but then the expression changed on her face and she shrugged. “Yeah, alright.”

“I’ve got a diaper bag back in my car,” Megan said. “We’re not parked very close, though, so maybe…Clark can go fetch that for me?” She shot me a teasing glance.

“No need,” Lyndie said. “I’ve got plenty here. Come with me.” 

Megan stood up and followed Lyndie back down the hall and into Lyndie’s bedroom. They didn’t even close the door behind them–traces of their giggles and muffled conversations leaked out into the living room. We could hear the crinkling and rustling of diapers.

“You alright?” I asked Ava. 

She nodded. “I’m fine. Honestly, the thing I’m the most upset about is how I handled it. I wish I didn’t run away.”

“What else would you have done?” 

She shook her head. “Not sure. Maybe I’d have owned it? I could’ve pulled my pants down and wiggled my diapered ass at everyone and told them to kiss it.”

“Funny,” Paige said, grinning in my direction. “Great minds think alike.”

Ava turned to me again and laughed. “Oh, did you say the same thing?”

“Uh…something like that.” Let’s change the subject. “You didn’t take your diaper off, did you?”

“No,” she said. “Thought about it. But…it’s still on.”

“You were telling me earlier that you had to, uh, go. Did you ever end up…using that diaper?”

“Y-yeah,” she laughed. “A while ago, too. I’m pretty soggy.”

“If you asked nicely, I bet Lyndie would take care of that for you.” 

Not often, but every once in a while, I thought about how strange my friend circle was. Few had the luxury we did, where we could openly talk about something as strange as willfully going to the bathroom in your pants, and then having a friend who was just as willing to wipe your ass for you. And now that we had been spoiled, would we ever want a different group of friends?

“I know,” nodded Ava. “I’m just, uh, not quite ready for a change yet.”

“Fair enough.” She was making up for lost time, I supposed.

From Lyndie’s room, there was continued laughter and talking. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it was at least comforting to know that they were hitting it off. A few minutes later, they finally returned, each with smiles and pink cheeks on their faces. Lyndie sat back down in the chair she was in earlier, with Paige wasting no time in plopping her padded bottom down in Lyndie’s lap again. Megan was back where she was earlier on the couch.

“They took all their board games with them?” Megan asked.

“They left Yahtzee,” I said, glancing over to the table.

“Yahtzee is mine,” Ava sighed. “And I had to fight hard for that to be added to the pile.”

“A shame,” Megan said. “We could’ve played Midnight Mommy.”

“Was…that a game that Caleb had?” Lyndie asked.

I shook my head. “We tried to make our own game. It didn’t really work out.”

“I need to be distracted,” Ava said. “Anything will do.”

“We should watch a movie,” Lyndie said. 

“I think that’d be exactly what I need,” Ava nodded. 

I almost asked if she wanted to get her diaper changed first–speaking from personal experience, I doubted she wanted to sit in a sopping wet diaper for the entirety of a movie. Even if she did want to, diaper rashes were no joke. I could almost feel the skin of my own ass chapping just thinking about that sort of discomfort. Alas, it wasn’t my ass, nor was it my diaper. That was her own lesson to learn, if she somehow hadn’t learned it already.

“Popcorn, right?” Lyndie asked everyone. “We’ve got to have popcorn.”

“Of course we want popcorn,” I said, speaking for the rest of the group. She nodded and left for the kitchen to make some, Paige tagging along under the guise of grabbing more drinks for everyone–though I suspected that if I turned around and glanced into the kitchen, I’d find them making lovestruck googly-eyes at each other.

“Any preferences for what you want to watch?” Ava asked.

“I think you’ve earned the right to choose anything you want,” I replied.

She shrugged and grabbed the remote control from the coffee table, beginning her quest to pick something from whatever streaming services they had.

I remained mostly disconnected from current pop culture. Admittedly, I was never all that savvy with it to begin with, but my months at Mommy’s set me back even further. I barely watched TV any more, and I only had a faint idea of what was popular or ‘trending.’ In a way, I actually kind of liked that. One day, when I had my own TV, in my own place, I’d have months of shows and movies that I could catch up with–thus hopefully avoiding the dreaded ‘endless scroll’ slog I was watching Ava go through now.

“We pay for all these services,” she whined, “and yet I feel like there’s nothing to watch.”

I turned my attention to my phone, deciding it’d be for the best to send a quick message to Mommy letting her know that I might be at Lyndie and Ava’s for a while longer–just in case she was wondering what the plan was. 

I received a response pretty quickly–though it was initially just a photo. In it, little Kylie was lying on a blanket on the floor, sleeping on her side with the bottom of her bulky diaper jutting out behind her. It was hard to be certain, given the lighting of the room, but I was pretty sure I could see some brown discoloration in the back of it. I wondered if that had happened before, or after, Kylie had passed out on the blanket.

A minute or two later:

Mommy: “Is she not the cutest thing? Reminds me of you when you’d pass out on the floor like that. Just as stinky, too.”

Mommy: “I’m glad you’re having a good time, and thank you for checking in with me. We’re having a good night over here, and we’re thinking of you.”

Reading Mommy’s texts seemed to fill me with warmth. Or…that might’ve been my diaper, which I was releasing some pee into as I sat next to Ava. Not a lot, though–I was pretty sure I could make it through the movie without reaching capacity. If I wanted to.

Soon after, Ava found our movie–some sort of romcom about a woman taking her new boyfriend home to her dysfunctional family. It wasn’t the sort of thing I’d ever watch–and I think I spotted Lyndie and Megan rolling their eyes at the choice too. But, seeing as how we did let her pick, nobody was going to complain. 

A giant bowl of popcorn was brought to the couch, along with an assortment of baby bottles and sippy cups–all filled to the brim. It was decided–perhaps by Lyndie and Paige whilst in the kitchen–that we were all going to share the couch together. It seemed like an uncomfortable idea initially, but it somehow worked. By the time we were all situated, Ava was on the far left, I was next to her, Megan sat next to me, and then Lyndie was on the other end, with Paige planted on her lap. I may have forgotten that we were all diapered before, but it was hard to forget once we were on the couch–we seemed to emanate a rich chorus of crinkles as we all adjusted ourselves in our seats.

“Hey, real quick,” Ava said just after the lights were turned off in the room, but before we started the movie. “I just want to thank everyone for tonight. I’m so happy you all came out for our little party in the first place. I’m happy that you all stuck around, even when things got awkward. And I’m happy that we’re all here together on this couch.”

“Just a bunch of babies,” Lyndie said, jumping in. “Here here!”

“Here here!” came the response of everyone else simultaneously, our drinks clinking together. 

Admittedly, it was a little tight on the couch, but it was a good kind of tight. Ava was squished against me on one side, and Megan on the other–each so close that I could smell them. On Ava’s side, the faint smell of pee. On Megan’s, something pretty and floral. Both were very pleasant in their own ways. For a few minutes, I felt some anxiety about what to do with my hands and arms–as it felt unavoidable that I’d encroach on others’ personal space. But in this proximity, there really wasn’t any such thing as personal space, and if everyone else was fine with it–and they seemed to be–then I was willing to be fine with it too.

A few minutes into the movie, I felt something wiggling on my left where Ava was sitting. I looked over, and in the TV’s glow, I saw her hand grasping at mine. Without hesitation, I opened my palm–closing it around hers when she gripped it. 

This would usually be the sort of thing to send me down an overthinking spiral while I tried to figure out what it means. And while it was tempting to do that, I refused to let myself go there. This moment just felt really nice. It felt like love. It didn’t have to be romantic love–it could just be a friendship sort of love. I was happy to still have Ava in my life, just as she was probably still happy that I was in hers. I turned my head to look at her, finding that she was looking back at me–her eyes peering as deeply into my eyes as mine peered into hers.

Everything about this moment was absolutely perfect. And it made me realize how lucky I’d been. All those months ago, running into Gabrielle Heller in a random hallway while I was an intern–who’d have thought that it would’ve changed just about everything about my life?

“Are you peeing your pants right now?” Lyndie asked, presumably talking to Paige.

“N-no,” Paige answered. “I mean…it sounds nice.”

“Well it certainly sounds like you are.”

“It’s me,” Megan said. “I’m peeing.”

“Okay fine,” Paige said. “I’ll pee too.”

“Just try not to leak on me,” Lyndie sighed.

“Clark, feel this,” Megan said, grasping my right hand and dragging it between her thighs and pushing it against her diaper. Oh yeah…it was getting warm and squishy. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, I had Ava’s hand in my left, and Megan’s diaper in my right. 

“It, uhm, feels very warm,” I said softly.

Is anyone actually paying attention to the movie?

“I want to feel,” Paige said, glancing down from Lyndie’s lap to Megan. “M-may I?”

“Only if I can feel your diaper.”

“Deal!”

Now, I was sharing space in Megan’s crotch–both mine and Paige’s hand were stuffed between Megan’s thighs as we both groped at her diaper.

“What about you, Clark?” Megan asked. “I still have a free hand. Can I feel your diaper?”

“Uhm…s-sure. I mean…I’m not currently wetting myself, but…”

“I bet it’s already wet,” Lyndie said from the far-end of the couch.

Suddenly, Megan’s hand was between my thighs, squeezing at my damp padding. “You’re right. It’s not soaked, but it’s definitely a little wet.”

“So far,” Lyndie laughed. “He’ll have that thing on the verge of leaking before the movie ends.”

What movie?

“What about you?” I said, turning to Ava. “You wet?”

“Very,” she nodded. 

There was a part of me that wanted to reach over to her diaper and feel for myself–as that seemed to be what everyone else was doing–but I resisted the urge. Too, she didn’t put my hand on her diaper for me. I respected that, and was more than happy to just hold her hand.

“Who’s gonna be the first person to poop their diaper?” Paige asked.

Without any hesitation, both Megan and Lyndie answered at the same time: “Clark.”

“H-hey,” I said. “I’m not as much of a baby as I used to be. I’ll be keeping my diaper clean, thank you very much.”

“But it’s already dirty,” Megan said.

“I mean…I won’t mess.”

“You can,” giggled Lyndie. “If you want to.”

“I’d be more concerned about the little girl on your lap,” I said to her, nodding towards Paige. “I happen to know that she’s very fond of loading her diaper.”

“I learned it from you,” retorted Paige quickly.

“Did y’all forget about me?” Ava asked playfully. “Because I’ll settle this debate right now.”

Everyone else fell silent, and their faces–mine included–all turned towards Ava’s side of the couch. Ava’s face–at this point only illuminated by two male characters on the TV fumbling with a large pile of luggage for reasons that none of us were likely to understand–turned red and her eyes closed. She leaned forward, lifting her bottom off the couch just a little bit. “Unnnh,” she grunted, and a loud but muffled ripple could be heard coming from her bottom.

“Oh,” Megan said, her hand finally retracting from my crotch. “So she’s actually going to…”

“Urrrnh,” Ava grunted again. Squelching. Crinkling. There was no doubt about it–she was loading her diaper. She was pooping herself right next to me. This was happening.

“Go on,” Lyndie offered from the other end of the couch, her voice taking on its most maternal and supportive tone. “You can do it. Make your pushies like a good girl.”

I remembered how, back in the old office, Ava had a bit of a reputation amongst those who participated in our strange kinky world for having very smelly diapers. I never really bought into it–it just didn’t make sense that one girl could always make such horrid smells. Poop, and its smell, weren’t defined by the person–it was defined by what you ate. Or, at least, that was my logic. The way I saw it, Ava had been unfairly assigned that reputation because of a handful of incidents when people just so happened to smell her diaper after she ate things that, well, came out stinkier. 

But, sitting next to her at this moment, I was the first to experience the stench of her load as it began to permeate from her. And it was every bit as pungent as others had warned it was. Coincidence, perhaps, but…holy cow. As exciting as it was to take in the scent of her loaded diaper, I had to hold my breath for a moment. 

“Oh, wow,” Megan said, the fumes seemingly having made their way into her nostrils next. “You, uhm…really… Holy shit.”

I was looking at Ava now, and she was looking back at me. I was squeezing her hand, and she was squeezing mine. 

Goddamn. I wanted to slide my hand under her and feel the load in her diaper. I wanted to press my face against it and breathe it all in from Ground Zero. I wanted to…

Behave yourself.

“Did you get it all out?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Enough of it, I guess.”

“You, uhm, need a change? Or…”

“No,” she shrugged. “I’m not ready yet.” And then she lowered her bottom back onto the couch cushion. I could only imagine the absolute disaster that was being created within her padding.

Ava stared forward at the TV, as if she had been watching the movie the whole time. Her hand was still in mine. The smell of her diaper was still in my nose–and I imagined it’d be there long after tonight.