A New Start - Priv with LilGirlLya

[LilGirlLya]

"No baby, not if you don't want to. Do you want to cuddle with Mommy for a bit or will making the brownies be better?" More than anything Rachel wanted Maddie to be close to her, if she had any doubt left in her mind she didn't anymore. She would start on the vitamins to start making her own milk. Maddie could choose when she finally accepted it, that would be a big step. But Rachel felt such an outpouring of love for the tiny little in her arms that she yearned for a way to physically nourish her. She'd heard other moms of littles, inbetweeners, and amazon's alike all rave about how close it brought them to their babies and she wanted that. Maddie might not know it yet, but she believed with enough good days she would want it too.

[groveoflove]

“...Brownies. I like doing something with my hands.” Fern sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his wrist. “.....Sorry. Can I wash my face first?” He’d been about to say something else, but quickly backed out after a moment’s hesitation. Rachel was so nice and sweet to him, and he was still too scared to even call her by what she wanted. 

[LilGirlLya]

"Sure thing, let's get you all cleaned up." Maddie wasn't very messy so it didn't take to long to clean her face with a wipe. "There we go, all better. I'm going to set you back in your highchair for a moment while I get everything out." Maddie was placed back into the highchair but Rachel didn't reattach the tray so it would be easy to get her out to help with the cooked. The recipe was fairly straight forward, poor the contents into a bowl, mix with maybe one or two other ingredients and you were ready to put it in the over. On the one hand there wasn't much to involve Maddie in but on the other what steps there were Maddie certainly could do with supervision. "OK baby," Rachel brought out the eggs that would be needed for the brownies and a small dish. "Lets give these a try." Rachel hoped Maddie was good with baking, because these eggs were normal sized to her but as big as Maddie's whole hand. "I'll let you help me stir it all up after we get everything into the mixing bowl."

[groveoflove]

Bit sad how he wasn’t even tall enough to stand on a chair to see the counter, he really needed the extra height of the high chair. But that was quickly forgotten as Fern got caught up in just enjoying making the brownies. Even if he didn’t really do much, even the oil jug was too big for him to easily pour. “Must’ve been a big bird.” Fern mumbled, carefully picking up one of the eggs. He had to wrap both hands around it just so he could bring it to the edge of the counter to begin to crack the egg. Fern then clumsily broke it into the bowl, getting a fair amount of shells in it much to his disappointment. But he was determined to try again with the second egg, and this time it went in much more smoothly. “Okay, done.” Fern shook his hands to get the egg whites off. “Can I mix now?”

 

 

[LilGirlLya]

"I suppose for you it probably would be! OK, good job. I'll just fish this bit out," truth is it was more than a bit of shell but it wasn't a problem. For a little Maddie's size it was beyond a good effort. "All right let me pour this in, get a wooden spoon and..."she lifted Maddie out of the chair and sat her on the countertop bottom first, standing in front of her just in case she needed help or to prevent any falls. "Alright Maddie, do your best and when it gets too tough, Mommy will finish it up, deal?"

[groveoflove]

“It’s just mixing, I can do it by myself.” Fern insisted, grabbing the spoon to begin mixing. Admittedly, it was harder than he’d first thought, the spoon was big compared to his hands so he needed to use both. Which meant he couldn’t hold the bowl to keep it still to make it easier. But he was determined to not have to ask for help, as he frowned in concentration as he continued, making a bit of a mess on both his hands and his pjs. “....I think I’m done.” Fern decided after a few minutes, looking into the bowl to see the mix mostly mixed in. “...Can I help pour it into the pan too?”

[LilGirlLya]

Rachel held her tongue seeing the mess Maddie was making. Maddie could be cleaned of course, but she loved those jammies and was getting them very messy. They'd have to go into the wash for any chance at preventing the stain from setting. The little was so determined, even as she struggled with the spoon. Rachel didn't want to take it from her until she gave up and asked for help. They were working together on this after all, it was meant to make Maddie feel included and valued and she certainly wouldn't be doing that just taking the spoon out of her hands. In the end, she'd done an OK job, "Good job Maddie, let me just give it one whisk myself to say I helped and we can pour it together." Truthfully, it was more than a single whisk but it got the brownies to the uniform consistency. "OK, we can do this next part together, both hands Maddie." Maddie and Rachel poured the mix from the bowl into the pan. "Way to go Maddie!" Rachel high fived her little girl. "Alright, let me put this in the oven and some little kiddo is going to need to take herself a bath. We also need to get your jammies in the wash so they stay as cute as you are." Rachel lifted Maddie onto her hip after putting the brownies into the oven and setting the timer. She carried her upstairs into her nursery first to get a new diaper. She could feel Maddies squishy diaper through the sleeper. At least she hadn't been fussy about being wet. "OK baby, lets get you in the tub and out of that yucky diaper. Does my girl want bubbles tonight?"

[groveoflove]

“I have to take a bath every night.” Fern sighed, and because Rachel was going to wash them anyway, wiped his hands off on his pajamas. “....Bubbles sound okay tonight.” He decided after a moment, squirming around as he let himself pee in the already wet diaper before Rachel changed it. No point having to spend any time longer in a wet diaper. “...Can I get some shark toys just for the bathtub? They’re better then a duck.” Mostly, Fern was thinking about a boat one of his brothers had, a jaws themed one. They’d been a boat and a little cage to lower into the water so the shark could attack it. Fern had been obsessed with it, far more then his brother. But even if they had it here, he had a feeling it was out of his ‘age’ range. 

[LilGirlLya]

"Bubbles coming right up then!" Rachel squirted a big jet of soap into the tub and churned the waters getting it all sudsy. Soon, Maddie was sitting in water with bubble foam covering her to just below the neck. "Careful, we don't want Maddie to get lost in there, we might accidentally throw the baby out with the bathwater if we do that!" She took her time in between actually cleaning Maddie and watching her play. "I'm sure we can do that for you. Tell you what, we can see if we can find any at the zoo tomorrow and if not we'll order some together when we get home. That sound good?" She washed Maddie's choppy hair and made sure to keep the shampoo out of her eyes and she finished bathing the little. Once finished, she wrapped Maddie into large towels and dried her off, before practically swadling her to carry her to nursery. There she taped a new night time diaper onto her littles clean bottom and made sure it all snug and secure before helping her sit up. It wasn't quite time to put Maddie to bed yet, but it wouldn't be long so a nighttime diaper would be best. "OK sweetie, I'm going to have to wash your other jammies, we'll just go to sleep in your new sleeper from May and we can wear your kitty jammies tomorrow."

[groveoflove]

“What if I get too hot in it?” Fern said, more because he just really liked the blue pajamas more. But it seemed rude to say that out loud since the sleeper was a present from May and all. And sadly, he realized he left Benchley downstairs alone in the kitchen, he’d have to grab her when they went to check on the brownies. As Rachel went to grab his pjs, Fern boredly looked around the nursery, though at this point he could probably walk around it completely fine blindfolded. He really did hate the pink coloring. It was just so....automatically pointing to a baby girl. No one was going to expect any different walking in here. “Can I bring Benchley to the zoo tomorrow?” Fern asked, to distract himself from the building usual gross feeling inside.

[LilGirlLya]

"Honey, your jammies need to go in the wash or they'll get ruined. If you're worried about getting hot, we can put on those shorts I offered earlier? Or maybe just your diaper?" Rachel offered. Just some shorts and a shirt? I think you'll be able to bring Benchley, I'm sure they know littles are going to have their toys sometimes." Rachel waited until Maddie chose the sleeper or another option. Her return to being fussy didn't escape Rachel's notice. Maddie had been so good earlier and was enjoying her tomboy day and clothes. Was she really so upset at the idea of wearing a comfy little sleeper? No one would see it beside Rachel, and if Maddie was OK with Rachel changing her she couldn't imagine why she'd get so worked up about a pair of pajamas.

[groveoflove]

“The shorts, I guess...” Fern decided after a few moments, indecisive as ever. He waited as Rachel helped him get dressed, fidgeting a bit. “Oh! Can we check on the brownies now? I don’t want them to get overcooked.” But he also didn’t like it when they were undercooked, he didn’t like them being too gooey. “Do you like the edge pieces or the middle pieces the best? I don’t really like corners, I don’t like the crusty part.” And the middle tended to be the most warm and soft pieces too.

[LilGirlLya]

"We'll check them in a moment, I've had a timer on so we won't get them burned. There we go, much better." Maddie was now wearing some light yellow cotton shorts and Rachel had found her a plain white colored top. Maddie's thick nighttime diaper bulged and the waistband climbed over the waist of the shorts, stopping at her little belly button. She certainly didn't look like a tomboy beside the haircut, but it wasn't as overtly girl as the sleeper. She carried Maddie down the stairs and let her follow into the kitchen. "That smells really good, huh?" The warm, chocolatey scent of the brownies hung in the air. They smelled wonderful and Rachel opened the over. "I like the edges just a little crispy and I do believe that's where they are." She took out the pan with an oven mitted hand and placed it on top of the stove to cool. "We have to wait so we don't burn ourselves." As she waited for it to cool, she made a glass of milk for herself and a bottle of regular milk for Maddie before cutting them each a piece. Rachel took a corner but gave Maddie an adjacent interior piece on one of her little plates. "I think we should eat in here," Rachel said getting Maddie set back up in her high chair, "you certainly got messy making them and we don't want to give you another bath or get the fort or carpet all messy."

[groveoflove]

Fern wasn’t too thrilled with how much his diaper showed in the shorts, but in the end only Rachel was going to see him in it. “Yum.” He agreed, lightly swinging his legs as he watched Rachel take the brownies out. Waiting didn’t seem too bad, but of course it was in the high chair like usual. “I only made a mess because the spoon was too big, I usually don’t.” Everything here was just so big and clunky compared to him, he couldn’t help but be much more clumsy. He took a sip of his milk, surprised it was regular milk as opposed to formula, but was happy to start on his brownie. It was nice and warm, just like he liked it. Soft and fudgey brownies were better then cakelike brownies in his opinion.

As Fern nibbled away on his brownie, he thought carefully about a topic he’d been curious about for awhile. “....How come littles tend to be all different heights? Like more then someone just being a little taller then someone else?” He asked, taking another sip from the bottle. “Brie only looked a couple years older then me, and you said she’s from the same world as me, but she was way bigger.”

[LilGirlLya]

"You know, I'm not certain. I don't think anyone actually knows but there are a few ideas about it. I tend to think of it sort of like this, littles tend to be people who had a hard time in your world for a variety of reasons and when they get here it becomes obvious. They had a tough time because they were littles and didn't know it, so of course they would have a tough time with grown up stuff. I think it's, how should I put this, the people that need the most love and support turn out the littlest. That makes sense because a little like you needs a lot of help, you need someone physically now as much as you probably needed someone emotionally back home. Does that make sense? Brie isn't that much bigger than you by the way. She might look it to you, but she's about as big as a two year old amazon kid. She's actually closer to you in age and size here than she would be back home. Why do you think some littles are bigger than others? My idea is just one theory, you could be right instead of me."

[groveoflove]

“I don’t know....” Fern hadn’t thought too much on it to come up with his own answer. He was used to being small for his age, he’d also been a bit below average, but here he’d be shorter then an actual two year old amazon. Which was a bit embarrassing and daunting. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Rachel’s theory either. It made sense, but it also made him sad like everything else that reminded him of his old life. He’d seen littles smaller then him, so they must’ve been even more miserable then he’d been, which was just even sadder. “I wish I was at least big enough to sit in a booster seat and not a high chair.” Fern sighed, finishing up off the brownie and milk.

[LilGirlLya]

"It's OK to not know, nobody really does, but you probably have a bit more of an idea since you're actually from there. A lot of amazons don't think littles are the most reliable sources so we don't know a lot of what they think about it. Of course, this world hasn't always been welcoming of the ideas of free littles. Maybe in time." Rachel mused at the idea. So much of the work with littles in the last 10 or 15 years had gone to just making life more pleasant for them here. Life for them had been objectively bad and there had been a backlash with some littles demanding full rights with amazons. It was radical and just physically impossible but littles were desperate. Thankfully, laws got passed reigning in the worst abuses of the past and trying to make life as fulfilling as possible for littles, even if they chose to remain free. Its possible more littles would be freer to contribute to science, but stripped of a lot of the outright cruelty, more littles were choosing to be adopted in the last few years than being found unable to care for themselves and taken.

"Oh is that what you wish? I dunno, maybe if we had a coffee table in the living room still I'd get you a booster to sit in at that. Or, I know May has a low table in her living room and hardly uses the dining space in the kitchen. Maybe if May even watches you, she'll let you sit in Brie's booster at a low table. I hope that brownie was yummy babygirl, because I think it's time for bed. I'll get you another bottle of milk, do you want anything from Mommy before I put you in your crib?"

[groveoflove]

“It’s probably hard to be a free little just because everything’s so big. It can’t be that hard to make some things smaller for them in stores and in other buildings.” Fern said thoughtfully, picking Benchley back up now that he was done. “And then because nothings built for them, everyone can just say they can’t take care of themselves, even if they probably could if they could reach. Do a lot of littles go to college at all?”

”Can you get Hashbrowns from the fort first?” Fern yawned, sitting back. It was still early, but he did feel tired. And sooner he went to sleep, sooner he’d wake up tomorrow for the zoo.

[LilGirlLya]

"I'm sure that's part of it, and they do make things sized for free littles that are a bit more grown up. But really, we can't make roads or cars smaller. Or if shelves in stores were little sized, then more people would have difficulty using them since they'd be too small for amazons and inbetweeners. There's a lot of stuff in public that has to assume the person using it is normal sized, and littles are, well, little. I don't see a reason why an exceptional little couldn't get into college, but that's even with all the advances we've made. Now they can carry all their books on a tablet and go remotely. Could you imagine getting around a campus not sized for you? With books that weigh as much as you do? It's really only be realistic for even free littles to go for the past 20 or 30 years or so. I saw some when I went to school. A lot of littles go into pediatrics and littles medicine. They were good and some led the class, but they all struggled. I think, and I don't want to argue before bed, is a lot of littles need something or someone, they need to be taken care of. Now a scary mommy who puts expanding pacifiers in your mouth, force feeds you, dresses you to humiliate you and does everything possible to break your heart, I don't think anyone would want that for themselves but generations grew up being told that's how you look after littles. But if a little is getting love, and care, and support then they realize they were missing something and they find out they enjoy it."

"Of course sweetie, we don't want you to go to bed without him again." Rachel placed Hashbrowns into Maddies hands and took her upstairs to her crib. With a kiss, she lowered her girl in and raised the bars. She turned the light off and let the nightlight light up the room. Before she went to her bedroom for the evening she made sure to change Maddie's jammies from the wash to the drier. She did some reading and watched some videos before finally deciding to take her own advice and get an early rest.

[groveoflove]

“It just seems weird, if like one third of the population is significantly shorter, that there isn’t more to help them be independent.” Fern didn’t really feel like arguing though, so he was content with Rachel picking him up and bringing him upstairs. Once in his crib, he placed his toys down next to him, making sure to keep Benchley the closet. “I can’t wait for the zoo tomorrow, can we spend the whole day there?” Fern yawned again, laying down. “Um......” He hesitated before Rachel left, fiddling with the strap of his pacifier. “...Today was really fun, other then the nightmare. Thank you.” Fern ducked his head, feeling very embarrassed, but Rachel had been so nice to him today. “...Night, Mommy.” And with that, he gave her a shy smile before she left, before curling up to fall asleep.

[LilGirlLya]

Rachel felt her eyes get misty as she left the room. "Mommy" she whispered, smiling. There was no other feeling like it and she was sure there wasn't a better one. She went to bed with the same smile on her face. Today had been a good day, and letting Maddie be herself a bit more had been great for both of them. There were still a few things she wasn't certain about, but she knew after today Maddie wasn't going to be her little princess. That's not who her baby was. Maddie was going to be a rough and tumble little tomboy and as far as she was concerned, that was even better since it meant Maddie would be happy. Sure, there would be people who disapproved of such an unconventional little, but she didn't care. Maddie might get misgendered a bit but it didn't seem to bother her...unless. It was probably too early to think if Maddie could be like Brie, tomorrow they'd be out around a lot more people. She'd let Maddie choose how she dressed and would follow her lead.

Rachel woke up fairly early the next morning to her alarm. No sleeping in today, it was nice and sunny out today and in a few hours she'd be taking her baby to the zoo. She showered and got dressed for the day before going downstairs and getting a quick cup of coffee and making a bottle for Maddie. Formula in hand, she climbed the steps and opened the door to the nursery. "Good morning Maddie, how did my baby sleep last night? Let's get some formula in you and get you changed so we can get ready for the zoo!"

[groveoflove]

Fern was usually slow to raise and a bit grouchy in the morning, but the moment he remembered where they were going today, he was immediately excited. He didn’t even mind much he’d woken up wet, likely from the last bottle before he went to sleep. “I slept okay, I didn’t dream much.” He scrambled to his feet, raising his arms so Rachel could pick him up from the crib, but not before remembering to scoop Benchley up. 

[LilGirlLya]

"Well after yesterday, maybe it's good we just had a quiet nights rest? Up you go!" Rachel lifted Maddie from under the armpits and took her to the rocking chair and fed Maddie her morning bottle. "May is going to have breakfast for us, but she won't have your little formula. Lets fill that belly and get you changed and we can start on our way." Rachel knew Maddie was excited to be on the way to the zoo but she made sure her girl didn't drink too fast. It wouldn't be fun to start out a zoo day with a tummy ache. Once Maddie finished her last bit of formula and burped for Rachel, she took Maddie to the changing table, getting her out of jammies before starting on her diaper. Rachel was pleasantly surprised that the inside was cool rather than warm. Maddie had either wet in her sleep or woke up to potty but went back to bed. Either way it meant praise. "Good girl Maddie. No holding it in for you. I bet that feels so much nicer than waking up with your bladder hurting." Maddie was cleaned up and Rachel made sure to dust her thoroughly with powder, they'd be out all day and Maddie didn't need to get a rash. Rachel packed a half dozen more of Maddie's diapers into a diaper bag. "OK Maddie, I'm going to bring both in case you get messy but do you want to wear your overalls from yesterday first or I have just a plain pink tee shirt, no designs or anything, and some jeans. Choose quick so we don't keep the animals waiting"

[groveoflove]

“It still feels icky when it’s cold though.” Fern sighed as Rachel changed him, squirming a bit impatiently. It felt like ages before they’d be ready for the zoo! And they still had to go all the way to May’s house, wherever that was. It could be halfway across town for all he knew. The outfit decision as always made him feel conflicted, the jeans were really tempting. But everyone would see the pink shirt and immediately think ‘girl’..... “Overalls, please. Can I get a jacket too? I don’t like being cold.” He couldn’t wait for summer.

[LilGirlLya]

"OK, lets get you in your overalls. We'll keep these just in case then. Rachel redressed Maddie in the clothes from yesterday. After their trip through the wash they were good as new, but if Maddie was going to start wanting to choose her own clothes, it might be a good idea to pick up some more new stuff for her. "I think we can find a jacket, let me see," Rachel looked again in Maddie's closet, "here we go, I think this will work. What do you think Maddie?" It was a denim jacket that had small flower embroidery. It was hard to see from a distance but very pretty close up. She was worried that Maddie might reject it but truthfully, it was probably the least 'girly girl' of all her jackets. If she didn't like this she wouldn't be happy with a big puffy unicorn coat.