A New Start - Priv with LilGirlLya

[groveoflove]

Fern nodded, finishing off the rest of his ice cream at more of a slow pace. He was relieved Rachel didn’t mention the wet diaper out loud, though she obviously knew. It was a lot harder to just....let go and not try to automatically hold it then you’d think. He hoped at least he wouldn’t continue feeling so self conscious about it, like people were going to stare at him and start whispering. If anything, they’d probably give weird looks if he wasn’t in a diaper, considering how littles were usually dressed and he was apparently on the younger side. 

Fern couldn’t help some giggles slipping out as Rachel tickled him, picking up the shark. “I’m naming her Benchley. I think she’s a girl, because female great whites are bigger then the males. And I’m naming her after the author of Jaws, ‘cause he regretted all the fear of sharks that the book and movie caused because it got a lot of sharks killed. So he spent the rest of his life as a shark conservatism activist.” He informed Rachel, a bit of a shy tone creeping in. She might just think it was dumb, like a lot of kids used to when he got really into a topic. “I’m all done.” He paused. “Thank you for the ice cream.”

[LilGirlLya]

"That's a great choice then Maddie, for her name and gender apparently from the sound of it." Rachel listened to Maddie talk and hung on her words. Half was from genuine interest at how things were in Maddie's world and half was just seeing how excited Maddie got. The little clearly had a passion and Rachel would make sure to nurse it. "I'm glad you liked it sweetie. I always liked their stuff too but never had time or wanted to walk all the way here just to eat ice cream alone, but I think with you at home, I'll find quite a few more chances to come back regularly." Rachel wiped Maddie's face and let the little help her in throwing away the trash, "Say bye-bye, Maddie!', Rachel told her girl as they left. The air was cool and humid on the way back, Rachel put Maddie on her shoulders and walked with her, making the little the tallest of any person they past. Spring frogs filled the air with gentle peeps. "Do you here the froggies baby? Do you know what they're saying? They're say 'mad-DIE! mad-DIE!'" Rachel imitated the ribbit of the frogs as they walked back home.

[groveoflove]

“Bye.” Fern said shyly, giving the woman a tiny wave. Once they were out, he was delighted when Rachel put him on her shoulders instead of just carrying him on her hip. “Everything looks so tiny! Even the other amazons.” He whispered to Rachel, glancing everywhere around them. “They’re croaking.” Fern laughed at her joke, clutching his toy tight so she could get a good view of things too. “At the zoo, what kind of animals are there? I want to know how different it is from a zoo back home. Is it really big?”

 

[LilGirlLya]

"Well, for you it's probably very big! We could pretty easily spend a day there if you'd like. When I was a girl and your grandparents took me to the zoo, we would always make the lap and see everything, maybe get some lunch after that, and then spend the rest of the day visiting our favorites again. Once we'd seen all of the other animals, if the ones we really wanted to see were especially active, we'd watch them for 20, 30 minutes maybe. That's why I like the polar birds exhibit, they all have such big personalities and you could watch them all day if you wanted to. We have soo many animals little one, you tell me, I know you want to see a mammoth, what else is Maddie wanting to see?" Rachel asked as the house came into view.

[groveoflove]

“I like great apes. Like gorillas and orangutans.” Fern rubbed his eye, idly watching an amazon couple with a little girl and a dog walk by, both in harnesses and leases. “Do you think they have a snow leopard? I always liked them, they have really fluffy fur to keep the warm so it makes them look really chunky. I heard there’s a zoo in Nebraska in my dimension that has the worlds biggest nocturnal animal exhibit. Do they have one here? I like bats.” He yawned. It was still early, but he was starting to feel a bit drowsy, an effect from his interrupted nap no doubt. “..........Are your parents nice?”

[LilGirlLya]

"Well we certainly have those! What's a zoo without monkeys? I think we might have a snow leopard, or it could be a clouded one. Really it has been a while since I've been. I haven't had anyone to go with me so just like the ice cream place, I haven't been. If you like it though, we can look into getting membership passes, or seeing if we can enroll you in one of the education programs for littles. I think you probably want to be a bit more comfortable before that though, but maybe we'll get to see a demonstration. I know we do have the oldest pleistocene collection. It's not the largest anymore, but since we were one of the first we invest the most in the science of bringing the animals back and bigger zoos help out by paying us for the animals. It's not a small collection by any means, but it's really more invested in the science and research side of things." Rachel did hold off telling Maddie that the zoo did have some aquatic exhibits in addition to the sea birds. It wasn't an aquarium by any means, but she was sure they had a few smaller shark species since the zoo had helped reestablish so many populations. But as much as Maddie was already excited and as much as she loved sharks, that one was staying a secret.

"Someone is sleepy huh?" Rachel half teased, "do you think you're going to need another nap?" Rachel thought a moment about how to answer Maddie's other question. "Nana and Papa are both nice, they were very busy though when my sisters and I were girls. Not many families have three amazon kids after all. Littles are easy, they tend to stay about the same age so once they're grown, you don't have to replace their clothes or redo their rooms or have them decide they don't want toys anymore and want big kid things and electronics. They worked a lot to take care of us. I don't think we appreciated it as kids, but working with littles like I do, and having you around, well, I think I appreciate it more than I used to. I do know they've been asking when they get to see you, you're going to get several decades worth of pent up spoiling little lady."

The two arrived back at the house, "duck Maddie', Rachel said as she swooped beneath the door frame and into the house. "Now I was serious, do I need to put you down again?"

[groveoflove]

Fern looked even more excited at all the information Rachel was giving out. The education program sounded...kinda nice, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be around that many littles. He was already worried enough that he knew Rachel was eventually going to put him into daycare. He really didn’t like that idea. That would be for a few hours every day, it could be basically just school. And he’d hated school. He was unsure how he felt about Rachel’s parents, meeting new people made him nervous. But May had been nice enough, and Rachel said they were too...

“What time does the zoo open? And what time are we going?” Fern obediently ducked his head, popping back up once they were in the house. Rachel really was so tall...the doorframe usually stretched so far above him, he had to crane his head back to look up. “....I don’t want to sleep alone, I’d have the same nightmare.”

[LilGirlLya]

"It usually opens around 8 or 9. May texted me earlier and I need to get back to her on that. We might just drive over there and then all go on a shuttle. If I take a backpack I could fit any souvenirs you might get but...well, we'd have to figure out how to take your stroller. Hm..., I'll think of something. May's a big girl, she can drive." Rachel was already walking up the stairs toward the nursery when Maddie asked to sleep with her. "Of course, Maddie, We can go take a nap on my big bed. Plenty of space to share with my little girl." Rachel sat Maddie on the changing table. Her not being nearly as fussy made the task more pleasant and quicker than normal. "I think we're both becoming pros at this, huh?" Maddie's heavy, wet diaper was balled up and tossed into the bin. In it's place, a fresh new rectangle of plastic and padding was brought up between Maddie's little thighs as Rachel hoisted her feet into the air. Once Maddie was all taped up and snug in her new diaper, Rachel refastened her sleeper and took the girl with her, turning the lights down and crawling onto the covers with Maddie.

"Do you want me to rock you or rub your back to help you get back to sleep?" Before she got started she found her phone and shot off a quick message before placing it on the nightstand. "Sorry sis, Maddie had a nightmare and I've been dealing with that. I took her out for some ice cream and now I have her laying down again to finish her nap. I think we can either meet at your place or meet you there. It's 100% up to whether you feel like waiting for us."

[groveoflove]

“You don’t have to take a stroller, I can walk.” Fern offered, yawning again. “I can’t see anything in it, I don’t like it.” Absentmindedly, he slipped a finger into his mouth as Rachel changed him, switching to his pacifier once they laid down. “...Rub my back, please.” Even once she started and as tired as he was, it took him a long time to start to drift off. Every time he got close, he’d feel a pang of unease and worry, jolting awake again. But Rachel was right there against him, lightly rubbing his back, and he tried his best to let it soothe him. Rachel hadn’t done anything to hurt him, she’d so rarely yelled at him, it was okay, okay. “....’night.” Fern mumbled sleepily, finally succeeding in drifting off to sleep, clutching Benchley in his hand.

[LilGirlLya]

"You don't have to ride in it the whole time sweetie, we'll let you see all the animals but you and Brie are both probably going to need a nap. Maybe we can rent strollers there." The text message came in as Rachel was speaking and she took a brief moment to read it. "OK, let me just get off a response here. "OK, 8:30? Zoo opens at 9. We'll be there". Rachel pressed send and returned her attention to Maddie. "Of course I can rub your back, here, let me take care of you. Does this feel good?" Rachel began massaging and rubbing her baby's back as gently as she could. She rubbed the littles back until she heard gentle snores coming from her. Poor baby was so tired, but Rachel didn't want to let her sleep for too long. She got under the covers in the bed herself and spent a little over an hour on her phone, checking the news, playing games, and often stealing glances over at her slumbering child. She rubbed her back if she heard any sound the suggested Maddie might get fussy or was having a bad dream until it passed and Maddie returned to her quiet rest. After around 90 minutes, Rachel placed the baby monitor with Maddie and took the other one with her into Maddie's nursery for the changing mat and a new diaper. She hadn't checked Maddie, and she had just cleaned up a very wet diaper, but it wouldn't surprise her if Maddie was wet or would be wet relatively soon. Once she had Maddie's changing supplies, she went downstairs and prepared Maddie's third bottle of little formula for the day. "Wake up baby, nap times over Maddie." She said as she returned to the room, gently nudging her baby to start waking her before sitting on the bed and bringing Maddie into her lap, only awaiting Maddie's eyes opening to begin nursing her.

[groveoflove]

Luckily, Fern’s sleep was dreamless this time around, maybe from how tired he was. It was a deep sleep, so it took a few moments of Rachel’s nudging him before he began to wake up. “Hm?” Fern said groggily, his body still loose and limp in the amazon’s lap. His brain still felt heavy and fuzzy, but he automatically began nursing once Rachel slipped the bottle in his mouth. As he drank, it gave him time to actually wake up for real. Right, he’d slept in Rachel’s bed this time. It had been....nice. Much better then his crib. He pulled his head back once the bottle was empty, fidgeting as he already felt the urge to pee. And after only a few moments of hesitation, he relaxed so he could just go in his diaper. “..What time is it?” Fern rubbed his eye, trying to sit up.

[LilGirlLya]

"It's around 4, maybe just a bit later. Almost time for dinner soon. That's why I wanted to go ahead and feed you your bottle. You were just so cute nursing on it Maddie, your suckling reflex has always been strong at least since I've known you. You just latched onto it though. Someone must have been thirsty, you almost drank it all gone before you even opened your little eyes." Rachel gave Maddie a little boop on the nose. Her parents used to do that to her and her sisters. She'd never done it with Maddie, but her reaction was cute. "Does Maddie have anything she wants to do before Mommy starts dinner? Does she want to play in the fort some more or does she need food in her tummy?" Rachel checked Maddie as she talked to her. She was soggy but her diaper would hold up. Rachel was actually quite pleased to find it wet. Maddie's diapers could handle a few wettings if she wet when she needed to, but if she tried to hold it in she ran the risk of flooding it. "You aren't that wet, I think we'll save a diaper for now. I can take you back to the nursery to get you dressed in your play clothes though if you want to get out of your jammies?"

[groveoflove]

Fern wrinkled his nose, ducking his head as Rachel booped it, though he couldn’t hide his small smile. “I don’t know....what’s for dinner?” He scooped up Benchley from where she’d rolled once he’d fallen asleep. Having to stay in his wet diaper didn’t seem fun at all, but he guessed there wasn’t a point in trying to fuss. “I like my pajamas, I want to play in the fort with them. They’re comfy.” He rubbed his eyes again, curiously glancing off the side of the bed. Jeez, it was a long way down. Definitely needed Rachel to get up or down it.

[LilGirlLya]

"Well cutie, I was planning on making some chicken stirfry or something like that for myself. Maybe make you some chicken and veggies in a separate pan. Just something nice and easy on your tummy. You've had a bit to eat today, I don't want you getting a tummy ache after all. Come on then, lets go down stairs. You have Benchley?" Rachel didn't check until she knew Maddie had her shark with her. She lifted the little and carried her down the steps and to the fort. She thought for a moment, did she really want to leave Maddie to play in the fort by herself? She wasn't enthused about the idea but Maddie was no escape artist and if she wasn't trying to flee she wasn't likely to get hurt. It felt wrong to leave a little unattended, but she'd have the baby monitor to keep an ear out. "Maddie, mommy is going to trust you to play safe in the fort OK? I think you'll be happier doing that than waiting in the high chair and frankly, I don't want to take down the fort and drag your playpen back over here." She sat Maddie down on the blanketed floor, kissed her on the forehead, and departed for the kitchen to start cooking. "Call me if you need me Maddie." Rachel sat the baby monitor down on an end table. From where Maddie sat, she wouldn't be able to see it through the fort. She entered the kitchen, got out her supplies, and got to work.

[groveoflove]

“Oh.” Fern frowned at that, looking uncertain. He didn’t really...like eating meat. Both because he was picky and that he just really loved animals. But people usually got upset if you didn’t like their plans for a meal, and he wasn’t sure if Rachel would actually consider his opinion in that. Picking his diet didn’t really seem like a thing for a ‘little’ to do. Oh, well, he did like some vegetables, especially crunchy ones. 

“It’s just a fort, I can’t hurt myself in it.” Fern pointed out, immediately scooting over to the rest of his animals to check up on them. Exactly where he’d left them, much to his satisfaction. One of the homes he’d been temporarily with here had had an amazon kid, a five year old girl far taller then him, who’d liked messing with the few toys he’d been interested in. So it was a relief to have his own space. Fern settled down on his stomach, content to play with his animals for a long awhile. It wasn’t like he’d had a watch or anyway to tell time, other then that EVERYTHING felt much longer here, so he wasn’t sure how long it’d been before he’d began to get restless just laying in one spot. It was just definitely darker outside now. So after a moment of deliberation, he carefully scooted back out of the fort, making sure to grab Benchley first, before wandering over to the kitchen because he was curious to see what Rachel was doing. He used to really like cooking, his dad barely ever so it was one of the many housetasks he’d end up with, but one he actually enjoyed. “.....Can I watch you cook?” Fern asked shyly after a few moments, keeping close to the kitchen entrance.

[LilGirlLya]

"Oh, I'm nearly finished, wouldn't you rather play though?" Rachel regretted it as soon as she said it, she never had a passion for cooking so it seemed like a chore to her, but the look on Maddie's face told her it was anything but to the little. "No, I guess you wouldn't. You don't just not want to be alone, you actually do want to watch? Alrighty, just a moment kiddo," Rachel picked up Maddie's high chair and sat it where the stove would be visible. Once that was accomplished, Maddie was lifted up and put in the seat, sitting with her eye level above the range top. Rachel had some chicken stirfry in one pan with some lightly browning chicken breast in the other for Maddie and a vegetable steamer piping away behind both pans. "I'm almost finished like I said, but you can watch me put the finishing touches on everything. Did you used to like to cook back where you're from? What was your favorite thing?"

[groveoflove]

Fern’s face fell at Rachel’s initial dismissal, but brightened up again once she picked him up and placed him down in the high chair. Now he could see and smell everything. He lightly swung his feet back and forth as he watched, idly placing his pacifier back in his mouth. It was still embarrassing, but he did really like having something to do with his mouth, it was really calming. “....I cooked a lot, yeah.” It was either cook or don’t eat at all, and luckily he’d found himself actually enjoying the process. “I liked making soup. We usually didn’t have a lot of food in the house....so it was easy to make with what I could find. I liked baking too.” He said quietly, placing Benchley down on the tray as he watched Rachel finish everything up, feeling a pang of some sadness in his chest. Not even at the memory of his family, just that it was one of the few things he’d liked doing. And he wasn’t going to be able to do it ever again.

[LilGirlLya]

"I had no idea, you'd never asked to watch before. Well, you have now so I can make sure you have a front row seat. Honestly, I might ask you for tips, you seem to really like it. I just cook because there won't be food if I don't!" Maddie was adorable in her high chair, today had been a great idea. Just letting Maddie be herself more had let Rachel learn so much more about her and Maddie seemed to be enjoying herself more and acting more relaxed and at home than she ever had been. 'If Sharks, cooking, and dressing up in tomboy clothes can do this, then this little girl can have all of that she wants.' "Say, I don't want you using the oven, but there's no reason we can't bake together. In fact.." Rachel went back to the pantry and dug around a bit until she found it, "I know it's not really baking but I have some brownie mix? You could help me make it, mix it all up and I'll even let you lick the spoon if you want. If you like baking, I like fresh bread and maybe we can be baking buddies, doesn't that sound great!"

[groveoflove]

“You usually put me in the playpen, I thought you didn’t want me in the way.” Fern admitted, perking up as Rachel pulled the box of brownies from the pantry. Brownies were great, and he could only imagine how much sweeter they’d be here. “Boxed is fine, I usually made that, it was cheaper then getting all the supplies for homemade brownies.” He thought about asking Rachel if she had any brown sugar to make caramel, that was fun to add a swirl to brownies. But that seemed like a lot of work and cleanup to ask Rachel to do. “....Okay. Can I crack the eggs too? I’d probably be too short to reach the oven anyway.” Not to mention all the pans here were gigantic. Fern gave Rachel a small smile, sitting back in the high chair. “Thank you......”

[LilGirlLya]

"No sweetie, I just didn't want you to be bored. That's all. I also wanted you to feel like I didn't need to watch you all the time. You aren't like other littles you know?" Rachel booped her daughter once again on her little nose. "Of course, if you want to make these tonight we can after we're done with dinner. I don't see a reason why you can't crack the eggs." There was a reason truthfully, Maddie could make a mess of it. Little hands were delicate but not particularly dexterous. Oh well, they would crack the eggs first into a ramekin so she could pick out any shell if she needed to. The last timer went off on the veggies and Rachel turned off the stove eyes, plated the food and scooted Maddie back over to the table before getting her a plate and cup of juice. She brought two forks her size. "I know you like to try and feed yourself, but if we're going to make desert, I think it's faster if I do it." There was something different about how Maddie said Thank You that she caught before she put the first bites into her littles mouth, "You welcome baby, but why am I being thanked?"

[groveoflove]

Fern blushed as Rachel touched his nose again, but was content enough with the moment. Dinner smelled good, even if he did still feel a little bad about eating a poor chicken. He was already feeling thirsty, so he took a few big sips of juice as Rachel got the forks. “....Okay.” Fern sighed, getting used to being fed by now. At least it wasn’t baby food. 

He paused at Rachel’s question, looking down as he felt suddenly embarrassed and a bit nervous. “.....You’re nice to me. You don’t have to, but you’re nice to me. Real nice, not pretend nice.” Fern said in a small voice, keeping his eyes down on the tray.

[LilGirlLya]

Rachel smiled at Maddie's words. They were honest and vulnerable, maybe even more so than Maddie had been all day today. "I want to be nice to you. I like having a Maddie in my life. It's important for me you like having a Mommy in yours. I can't blame you really, you had a lot of bad experiences, here and back home. You probably have a hard time after all that seeing what a special little you are, and how I want you specifically. I'll be cooking you dinner, putting you to bed, cleaning you up, and playing with you for the rest of your life. But I could do those things with any little. With you though, I'll be learning about sharks with you and baking with you. Playing in a fort and getting ice cream with you on rainy days. I get to here you laugh and see your little smile. I know you love sharks but you're my little fawn. Your so small, your timid and scared because the world has been scary. You're so gentle, and thoughtful, and beautiful too. I wouldn't trade you at your poutiest for another just like you." Rachel leaned over and kissed Maddie gently on her forehead as her baby finished her food.

[groveoflove]

Fern stayed quiet after Rachel finished talking, focusing on eating instead. He wasn’t sure how to respond at all. It just all seemed so sincere and nice, it made his chest hurt. People weren’t nice like that to him, they’d never been. And he could handle that now, he was long since used to it. But this seemed so.....scary. How were you supposed to respond to it all? His chest felt tight and his throat heavy, and he was scared of even trying to talk again, because he might just end up crying again. And he’d already done that enough today. “........”

[LilGirlLya]

Rachel saw that her little girl was struggling, she looked like she was processing quite a bit of conflicting and powerful feelings. All she wanted to do was help her little through them and so with her food finished, Rachel removed the high chair tray and brought Maddie to her chest in a loving, motherly embrace. Holding the girl snugly and rocking her slightly. "It's OK, you can say something when you're ready, Mommy's just gonna hold you till then baby."

[groveoflove]

“.......I-I don’t know what to say.” Fern said hesitatingly, unable to hold himself loosely this time in Rachel’s embrace. “I don’t know.” And despite his best efforts he could feel himself tearing up, his voice heavy. “D-Do I have to say anything?”