Interesting observations. Wearing 24/7. Being incontinent.

[JessicaRyan]

So I have been on the 12 month program since Nov 25... My entire focus has been on keeping my sphincters relaxed and to not be in a position where I need to contract them after peeing or a BM. So basically as per the instructions, maintain the relaxed tone one has when going, all the time. You know what I am talking about, you have read the program.

What's interesting is the observation of how much tension of the sphincters is subconsciously caused by other body movements. For instance, getting up from sitting or lying down automatically causes those muscles to contract. Being in public automatically causes those muscles to contract. Breathing automatically causes those muscles to contract, etc.

When I noticed this I was looking for a way to stop it because the goal is to never tense those muscles. Actually not use them at all.

My first challenge, due to it being the first observation, was to not contract these muscles when getting up. What seemed like a natural way of doing this was to bear down ever so slightly - the opposite of contracting them, though not ideal because I was still using the muscles. The other problem with this was that if I was in a constant state of bearing down, despite how much, while awake, when I would pee or have a BM, my muscles would want to contract because I found that I was not breathing because I was so focused on not contracting while bearing down. So on the in breath a contraction would take place. I was going to have to find another way to get this right.

I realized that throughout these experiences there was one common subconscious behavior taking place - my breathing. If I was able to separate my breathing from the use of those muscles then I would be able to keep them relaxed and never use them, achieve the goal of the program and help atrophy take place quicker.

The means to separate my breath from the use of these muscles was something I learned in Pranayam - yogic breathing, breathing in using my stomach instead of my lungs. When I started doing this I noticed that I was able to completely separate my sphincter muscles from the rest of my body and keep them in total relaxation the entire time regardless of what I was doing. In fact, they are so separated that it almost feels like paralysis or a numbness in that part of my body.

I asked a question to the community a few days ago about bladder spasms and how to handle them. One of the members replied saying just focus on something else, the mind will take care of it. It's difficult to focus on something else when this is happening, however it is not difficult to focus on yogic breath.

I have been focusing on my breath for about two weeks though only really getting into it in the past week. I have not tried to see if I can use the muscles to control any release of pee of BM so I really have no idea if I can - it's early days so I imagine if I did start using the muscles it would be a day or two and I would be back to being potty trained, though the point of being incontinent is to not use those muscles and because I am now mentally incontinent I have no reason to try. In my mind they don't exist.

I started bed wetting two days ago. I have not wet the bed since I was a kid. I am very excited about this progress and I really think that separating my breathing from the use of those muscles has indeed helped get here sooner. Having a goodnite pull up under a molicare super plus diaper with plastic pants for extra protection also helps - if I am confident in my protection my mind is at ease and can relax, this helps. When I pee it happens automatically and when I have a BM I just have to bend over slightly and everything comes out without any pushing whatsoever. The diet helps.

More and more I am finding my pee being released without any awareness that I need to pee. I am constantly drinking throughout the day, I work from home and I don't deal with people directly so I am able to really and truly be 24/7. My wife is fully aware of what I am doing and has no problem with it. I am also transgender and she has no problem with that either. Amazing woman, that's for sure. My soulmate, no doubt.

The most interesting thing for me is the understanding of how to program the subconscious mind through breath. Being able to do this for incontinence means I am able to do this with other things. Also if I can take something that was conscious and make it subconscious then I can do the reverse, which means changing any belief system I currently have about other things in my life.

I truly believe that there is a great deal of spirituality attached to going through this program. For me spirituality is freeing my mind, expressing my free will (with harm to none) and being who I am in the face of social constructs created due to way the top 1% of the world control everyone else using religion, capitalism and the illusion of democracy.

It's all absolutely fascinating.

xo
Jess

[Kif]

Hej, 

Just wanted to say thanks for making these observations! I took a moment to pay attention to things and noticed I tense up when _not_ breathing (and I tend to hold my breath when stressed), plus the level of tension changes with inhale/exhale. 

So, thanks! I think I'll find this helpful. 

Also, Iaughed soooo hard with your last comments! <3

I swear I haven't found a trans gal that isn't railing against capitalism etc. -- prolly has to do with the way those institutions treat us, lol. Hard not to be!