Back Home Again

[Ben Andereson]

I.

I can't believe I'm thinking this, but going away for school has a way of doing this. I am so glad to be going home right now. Back in high school I wanted nothing more than to go as far away as possible and to strike out on my own in the world. My mother had a tendency to over-mother a little bit, and my little sister could be a lot to handle. Further, I think almost every single 18 year-old believes that they are all grown up and ready to be entirely independent. But after four years of school, and three summer internships back on the east coast, I allowed myself to realize the truth, I wanted to go back home again. I had not found a job quite yet, but I knew that home was the best place for me to look from. 

I imagined walking in and everything being the same as when I lived there in high school. My mother cooking dinner for us each night, with love in each bite. I bet when I walk in my mother will begin asking me a billion questions about how well I've been taking care of myself, boys at school, grades, and my job search. I look out at the city lights as the plane lands and remember that it is nighttime. I wonder if my sister will already be in her diapers, if she's still even in them now. She was 11 when I left, and is now 14...I secretly wished she still needed them and the old rules applied. "1. Bedwetters get diapered at dinner, and can't change until after their morning check. 2. Nothing is to be worn over diapers in the house. 3. All accidents must be logged on the accident chart". I grinned thinking about how little and cute she seemed toddling around the house. It made me feel like such a big sister, even if she was not so small. The touching down of plane wheels snapped me out of my stroll down memory lane. 

The cab ride home took only about 20 minutes. By the time I got home it was 9:15 pm. Late enough that I would probably just eat dinner and go to bed, but early enough that everybody would still be awake. I walked in, and announced, "Mom, Katie, I'm home." Coming in from the kitchen came running my mother and sister. They engulfed me in a warm embrace. "Come, come sit for dinner." my mother said. 

Everything I had daydreamed about ended up being true. Dinner was less of a conversation than a loving interrogation. "Yes, I did well at school. No, I don't have a job yet. Yes, I remembered to eat my veggies." My mom was still the same that she always was. Stunningly good looking for her age, if you told me she was 28 I would've believed you. She had not seemingly aged a day since I left for school. She was a petite woman, with chestnut brown hair that framed a face that was cute and an athletic build. Fortunately for my sister and I, she was also the kind of person who simply clones slight variations of herself when she had children. We were also attractive, with that kind of attractiveness that seems wholesome. We were also both fairly petite. 

My hopes about my sister were also matched. Though she was bigger than the last time I saw her, there were no changes in her nighttime attire. Her diaper was a cute purple pullup with stars on them. I was suddenly hit with a strange new emotion, envy. She looked so carefree and shameless just walking about. I know that if I had to walk around in a diaper nightly I would be so embarrassed and definitely not acting like it was anything normal. I would probably just hide away in my room. She also seemed so innocent and her worries just better. All she was concerned about was impressing Mom with a dry diaper in the morning to earn a good sticker for her chart, and maybe eventually, the right to wear normal underwear to bed. My concerns, finding a job, readjusting to living at home, maybe even grad school, seemed so much harder than the simple task of staying dry. I sort of wished I could trade places with her, if only for a little while. 

Eventually, I left the table for bed. I was absolutely exhausted. Travel has a way of taking it out of you, almost unlike anything else. I pretty much fell asleep before I hit the pillow. That night my dream was so strange. I imagined that I was wearing the same type of pullup that my sister was just wearing. In my dream I was standing outside the bathroom in our house hoping to get in. My sister was taking a shower, and I really had to go. I kept on knocking on the door, yelling "Katie let me in." To which she would reply, "Just a minute, you can hold it." and "Big girls can hold it just a little longer." Eventually I could hold it no longer, and the floodgates opened. In my dream the diaper swelled up and took the entire accident. 

"All dry! Good work, go put a sunshine sticker on your chart Katie, 2 more sunshines in a row and I'll let you wear big girl panties to bed!" Katie clapped her hands in excitement. She had never been this close before. I woke up to the mini-celebration in the room next to me. I felt so refreshed, I do not think I have ever slept so deeply. Then, I felt something odd, my butt was cold and damp. I looked down in horror, and gasped. I wet the bed! I had not done that since I was about 4 years old. At that moment, my mother walked in. "Oh my, it looks like somebody had an accident. It's ok, I'll take care of it, get dressed for the day." 

[Guilend]

I like it so far, I will keep an eye out for sure.

[Sarah Penguin]