ugg feeling sad

[mvinyl2010]

I am a plastic/pvc/vinyl fetishist with a touch of Diaper lover thrown in. And after  a painful discussion with mny wife was told that she is pretty much repulsed at the thought of her wearing plastic clothing and diapers.  She said she is okay with me wearing, but I am doubting that as well. We have not had sex in over 2 years.

So I have been married for over 12 years to my wife.  We have had our ups and downs and had our dry spells sexually.  We have had our great times like after she read 50 Shades of Gray and our world of sex opened up. 

She is an alcoholic and has been sober for almost 2 years now,  Doing AA meetings and such. I am grateful for her sobriety. Our life was pretty crappy when she drank as she pretty much blacked out every night at 7pm and drug her self to bed and passed out nightly after drinking about a bottle of wine daily.  We moved from the city so she needed to start driving so she stopped drinking and got a network of sober friends.

I have been patient with her over the past 2 years.  I have taken matters into my own hands so to speak with regards to sexual release.  And have not sought relationships outside of our marriage;  I really don't want to.  I want to stay married and have a fulfilling sex life with my wife.  I have tortured myself with thinking about how this conversation would go for about a year now and waited until we had a good opportunity to talk about our feelings.  I could not take it any longer. I needed to get things out in the open.

I asked her what was up with our sex life.  She said that she is kind of in a new space with regards to her self and her feelings about sex,  She has not felt really sexual in a couple years.  I have always been up front with my fetish and she seemed to be a good sport, GGG as Dan Savage says.  I had bought her an extensive wardrobe of plastic clothing that really turned me on. It turned me on to think that the woman I love would indulge my fetish and not make me feel like a weirdo or pervert.  Today she told me that every time she would open the drawer full of plastic clothing (plastic panties, some that could be worn over a diaper ) she felt angry and essentially objectified.  I should also mention that she was sexually abused as a child. I have always tried to be sensitive to this and not force anything on her.  I thought was that she was on board.  But in essence she was just placating my need and her drinking helped to make he more comfortable in doing so.  I dont need her to wear a diaper for me.  I dont even need to wear a diaper.  But plastic/vinyl and pvc clothing is what really gets my motor running,  It does not need be juvenile.  In fact I prefer adult clothing made of this material.  I also like leather, pantyhose and satin on my wife.

So at this point I am feeling gutted.  I am not sure where to go or what to do.  I feel like the past 5 years of my marriage have been a lie.   How do I go about rebuilding out sex life?  How do I reassure her that despite my plastic fetish I desire her.  I feel so lost right now

[AbabeBill]

Sounds like you both are off trail here. And I know that can be depressing, when it seems to last such a long time. Maybe your wife still needs to reconnect, with living sober. I’m no expert, and don’t really have an idea. But, maybe it will take a long time, for her to find where she wants to be. I think the number one thing for you both, is to keep the lines of communication open. Maybe you can try to find new things to do together. Rediscover yourselves in new things. I don’t know what it might be, but for example, going for nature walks, some sort of sport, tennis, bowling, shopping, museums. Something that sounds like you both might like, but never did before. In doing these things, you might come back together, in a refreshed way. And maybe, your sex drives will follow? In the meantime, you don’t have to give up on your plastic fetish. Try and work it in best you can, and whenever you can. It might be, your wife will never come back around, to indulging in plastic clothing. But, maybe you can find something she does like, and look for ways to interact. Maybe she might like some other fetish play? Discuss what it might be. I wish you luck, and hope something I’ve said can help in anyway. I’m just an idea thrower outer. ? 

[ppdude]

Things are without a doubt off-track. Where do you think you should be at this point in time? The same question needs to be asked by your wife. You need to have a discussion where you come to a common understanding of where you are and what you could do to improve. It won't be easy -- approach it first by agreeing to ground rules; e.g. what topics will be touched and those which will not. It needs to be done over a long span of time; don't trow the whole thing out there -- pick one topic and use that topic as a boundary. Try to limit it to about 15 minutes to come to an understanding. Don't try to resolve anything but try to gain understanding and perspective -- no conclusions or "fixes." Think about it for a few days before jumping. Repeat your understanding to check if you're on the same page. You may need to visit each topic several times before coming to a conclusion.

You may wish to visit a marriage councilor involved to help you stay in and explore territory in a neutral environment. Make sure you know the ground rules and clearly state what you wish to accomplish concerning any areas of conflict. Most of all -- it's hard work NOT good luck.

[Alex Bridges]

How would you feel if your wife told you she needs you to wear something in order for her to enjoy sex together? Objectified, maybe? Like you weren’t enough? Inadequate? Not sexy?

My suggestion, and a lot of guys need to be told this so don’t feel bad about it, is you need to make your sex life all about her pleasure for a while. You’d be amazed how much it makes a woman feel taken care of if you offer her oral sex and expect/request nothing in return, as a for instance. Sex in our culture is 90% about penises and how they feel. That makes a lot of women feel like their pleasure doesn’t matter

If you’ve already done that, then please tell me to shut the hell up.

Beyond and regardless of all that, sounds like some couples therapy is needed, and even if she doesn’t want to do that, it sounds like you benefit from some individual therapy to help you deal with your emotions, as obviously you’re going through something difficult.