Diaper Training

[Ishigreensa]

Sean washed his little one all over, and then he sighed.

"Honey, you might get mad, but I think I better tell you some things or you might worry too much about it, and I don't want that."

He let her relax after he was done washing her, and he tried to think of a way to tell her the truth about the first couple of wettings.  He was nervous and really afraid of her being mad at him, but he was more worried about her feeling worried about the problem and making herself crazy or sick over something that she didn't know was happening.

"The first time you found yourself wet...," he hesitated.  "You didn't pee," he told her.  "I just wanted to see what your reaction would be if you thought you did, and then I got a little nervous about telling you.  I still am nervous about telling you, but I think I'd rather you be mad at me than worrying about something that isn't happening."

He sighed.

"And the second time, wasn't you either.  The third time, though, I think was you.  You did feel it come out the third time, right?  You know, when I got you out of the car to go to the store?"

He still didn't know that time, also, she had sat on the chair he rigged the night before and neither of them realized she was wet until she was in the store.

[elfowl]

Sean's confession hits me like a ton of bricks, and I stare at him in utter disbelief, my jaw dropping open.  I'm pulled completely out of the head space I was in before, and into the sobering grips of adulthood.  "I... I didn't feel it the third time.  I have no idea when it happened... I... I don't... Does that mean there's something wrong with me?  I... That was so embarrassing I... I don't..."

I curl up into a ball, and hug my legs close to my chest.  I can feel myself on the verge of another panic attack, but I fight to keep myself from slipping over the edge, and manage to do so.

I force myself to look up a Sean, this man that I had so much trust and faith in before, my Daddy, and I see a complete stranger.  "W-why did you do that?"  I ask, my voice quivering.  my emotions are leaking out like a gushing wound, and I don't know what to think, what to feel...

I start to reason it out a little bit, he had done it while it was safe, when the only people who would know about the "accident were me and him, and the sensation had been amazing.  embarrassing certainly, but no real harm done... at least the first two times... but maybe thinking  that they were real for so long was what had caused me to have an accident in the store...  which had lead to the panic attack.  Wait he said that it happened when he got me out of the car... but I didn't wet untill I got into the store... right?  ...no the seat had been wet when we got to the car... but that would have meant it was at least half an hour after I wet that I noticed... which would mean I really did need to go to a doctor...  I feel panic rising in my chest again...

[Ishigreensa]

Sean sighed when she started to calm from the first threat of panicking.

"I wanted to see if you were okay with accidents," he told her.  "Real accidents.  I wanted to make sure you wouldn't be too scared.  That's why I made sure to only do it at home, honey."

He then sensed her starting to get scared as she thought about the third accident.

"I promise, I was trying to just let you get the feel of what it would really be like if you wet your pants for real, and that you could trust that I wouldn't be mad or hurt you over it.  I figured that a grown girl like you who had been conditioned to think peeing your pants was wrong and embarrassing would never be brave enough to do it unless you knew what the outcome would be like.  I was thinking about not even telling you because you seemed so happy, and I didn't want you to suddenly think you couldn't trust me..., but then you started to get scared about if something was really wrong with you.  I had to make sure you didn't get sick or crazy with worry over something that wasn't really going on, sweetie."

He backed away to give her some space.

"I'm sorry.   I probably should have told you right after I cleaned you up the second time rather than wait for so long, but I was nervous, too."

[elfowl]

I think over Sean's words carefully.  It makes sense, he was doing it to protect me... but then... then the third accident happened... that had been scary and embarrassing... but... in a way... it had helped too... right?  It had proved that he was capable of taking care of me, that he would protect me if I did have an accident in public...  but I also remember how scared I was then... how embarrassed... how I had panicked, and how the world had grown so large, and  had shrunk so far, how my chest tightened and how it felt like I couldn't breathe...

It meant that it only happened once... which was better right?  but it had still happened... and I had no warning... maybe it was just psychosomatic... or maybe something really was wrong with me...

But even when the first two times were fake, and he knew they were, he still told me we were going to go to the doctor... even though he was telling me that he was going to take me, he never intended to go, did he?  He said himself that he was only telling me now because he didn't want me to get sick or crazy because I was worrying about something that wasn't happening...

I can't handle this right now.  I can deal with it.  If I try I'm just going to end up having another panic attack.  I close my eyes and do my best to push all of my emotions out of my head to deal with later.  I stand up out of the water, letting it drip off of me, and pull the plug to let it drain.  I turn to look at Sean, and address him.  "Sean... I understand that you were nervous, and that you wanted all of this to be an experience to help me be okay and not overact to having accidents in the future but...  It may have lead to me having a very real accident, one that I had no control over, that I had no idea about it happening, and one that it may have taken me well over half an hour to realize that I had wet myself...  Right now, I'm concerned, very concerned about my body, and my well being...  and right now, I want to say a lot of unkind and hurtful things to you, that I know we'll both regret later.  You broke my trust very thoroughly, and right now I don't want to be around you.  Please let me be alone for a while."

I grab the towel Sean had prepared for me, and wrap it around myself, drying myself off enough so that I won't drip before walking quickly to my room.  I don't want to feel little right now, but everything around me reminds me of my new status.  The stuffed animals by the bed, the decorations.  The only thing that isn't completely childish is my computer.  I stare at it for a long moment, tempted to log on, and simply play a game until the wee hours of the morning.  Hop in a chatroom, and talk with my old friends until the sun was rising, and i couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, just like I used to do.

I remind myself that I have school in the morning, though I scoff to myself.  "School"  I decide to go to bed instead of gaming, I'll feel better in the morning... or at least I hope I will.  I look through my clothes to find the least childish pajamas, and find a st that's fairly plain except for the words "Daddy's Girl" on the front.  I put them back, and settle for a pair that's covered in hearts instead.  All of the panties in my drawer are training panties, so i decide to simply go without instead.  I walk over to the bed, and find Valfore, Stellaros, and Barron von Snuffles waiting for me there.  Daddy must have put them there after I went to go get undressed.  I pick them up and put them on the bedside table, muttering "Not tonight guys... sorry... I'm just not feeling it."  I climb under the covers, and try to force myself to sleep, refusing to think about the swirling storm of emotions inside of my head.

It takes nearly an hour, but eventually I do manage to drift off to sleep.

[Ishigreensa]

Sean nodded.

He wanted to be completely honest with her, but that had meant his earlier tests were now in the open, and it upset her far more than he realized it would.  He had hoped ot put her at ease by telling her the truth.  There was nothing he could do about what was done though.  All he could do, was go forward, and maybe they needed the night let things settle, and then they could start over the next morning.  He hoped.

He let her go to bed without crowding her.

Before he went to bed himself, though, he did open the door and check in on her.  By that time, she had gotten to sleep.

He went back to the nightstand, and he picked up the purple dragon, hoping that was the girl one, and he put it right next to her to sleep with.  Then he left her room quietly, and pulled the door just so a slither of light crept in from the hall.

He finally went to bed himself.

 

The next morning, he was on pins and needles about her.  He wasn't sure if she wanted to go to school, if she wanted to see him let alone talk to him, and if she was going to go back from where she came.

He went down to make her some breakfast just the same.  One thing he had to do, was to make sure that she could see that whatever disagreement they had, and he knew he was the one that was in the wrong, that he was still there for her if she wanted to continue to try and work this out.

He made her some happy pancakes with smiley faces made of chocolate syrup and strawberries with a little whipped cream.

 

It was getting a little late, and if she was going to school, he had to take a chance and wake her.

 

He crept to the door of her room and looked in.

"Lilly?"  He paused and sort of cringed back expecting her to yell at him or throw something at the door.

[elfowl]

I don't dream that night, and the morning comes entirely too quickly.  I feel groggy, and not entirely there as I wake up to someone calling my name.  I feel a bit grumpy, but open my eyes to see a stuffed purple dragon staring at me... "Valfore."  I mutter softly, almost to myself.  It takes me a moment to realize that Daddy's calling me, and another moment for me to remember why that isn't immediately a good thing in my mind.  Then to complicate maters further I remember that today is my first day at the special school. 

"Daddy?"  I finally call back a minute or two after he first called me.  "How soon do I gots to go to school?"  It seems like I had woken up little.  Which had both its ups and downs.  "I don' kno if I can go today... I don' feel good... an I think we needs to talk..."  being little might actually be helpful in this case Little logic could make sense of things that grownup logic was no good at.  I wasn't able to be little last night because of all the emotions, but now they had calmed, mellowed.  The hurt and anger and confusion and fear were sill there, just less so, and ready to be dealt with.

I slip out of bed, my bare feet alighting gently on the floor, and I scoop up the female stuffed Purple dragon in one arm.  (She was swiftly becoming my favorite)  I plod my way over to Daddy, then hold out my arms for him to pick me up.  "Let's talk?  Please?"

[Ishigreensa]

Sean nodded.

"Go eat your breakfast, honey, and I'll call into work to take the day off.  I figured you'd need to talk at some point."

He led her towards the kitchen.

"You can start school tomorrow if we continue to do this, or later on today if you really want to start today."

He then stopped at the table and let her get seated, and he smiled at her.

"Just let me have a minute on the phone so I can give you teh whole day, okay?"

[elfowl]

I let Daddy lead me to the kitchen, and then hopped up on the chair.  I can't help but crack a smile at the pancakes with their own smiles.

I want to protest Daddy calling work to take the day off, wanting to say that us talking won't take too long, but I don't strictly know that's true, so I let him go with a simple.  "Okay Daddy."  I eat the pancakes slowly and quietly while he make the phone call, thinking over what I'm about to say.

When he gets back, I start.  "Daddy.  I'm not mad at you.  I'm mad at what happened, and I'm scared, and I'm upset, but I'm not mad at you.  You tricked me into thinking I had accidents, cuz you wanted to make sure that I didn't completely freak out, and that I'd be able to handle them right?  so you were doin' it for a good reason, right?  To protect me.  and I do want to have real accidents too, I agreed to this, this is what I want.  You didn't plan on the accident at the store, so you didn't make me have a panic attack...  I'm still scared about havin a real  accident, and not being able to tell when it happened, and maybe it's cuz of the two accidents I though I had before... but that's for a doctor to decide... right?  We are gonna go to a doctor, right?  You weren't just saying that to make me not worry right?"

"I don't see any point in being mad at you, cuz you were trying to do the right thing, and protect me, even though you were mean in the way you did it."

[Ishigreensa]

"I guess I was mean," he said frowning.  "I'm sorry I came across as mean.  I had not meant to be mean."

He reached out to hug her.

"Well, I thought the accidents were my doing, so I wasn't going to force you to see a doctor for something that was nothing, but if you did actually wet without knowing it, and anyway, you did wet in the car whether you knew or not, and it seemed to upset you so I know you didn't just do it, I do think we better make sure by seeing a doctor.  I'm not going to trick you anymore."

He went over to her chair.

"Don't sit in this chair for a couple of more days.  It was rigged, too, but I don't think you need to be tested anymore."

That's when it would probably dawn on her if at all, that the third accident was a real accident, but an accident that was not the same kind as she feared.

"The school said they are going to train you to pee your pants by accident, though," he told her.  "Are you sure you are okkay with that?  If not, we can talk to them again about stopping that part."

[elfowl]

"It's okay Daddy."  I say trying to reassure him.  I couldn't've known, or else it wouldn't've felt like a real accident, an you needed to know how I would take havin an accident.  If the fake one had freaked me out too too much then it would have been a good way to know that we shouldn't train me to have accidents."

I get up and hug Daddy as he offer his arms.

"Thank you for not tricking me anymore Daddy.  I needs to be able to trust you, or else I really can't do this."

I watch as he goes over to the chair and tells me about it.  It strikes me as odd at first, but then I realize what happened and my eyes go wide.  for a few seconds I'm not sure whether I should start yelling or laughing.  after a few moments my brain makes the choice for me.

I start laughing hard, so hard that I fall out of my chair, and start rolling around on the ground, tears forming in my eyes as I laugh uncontrollably.  "OH MY GAWD!"  I exclaim as I finally calm down a little bit.  You can't be serious!  That chair is rigged?  Daddy... Daddy, daddy."  I finally pull myself together enough to let him know why I'm laughing.  "I sat in that chair before we went shopping!... It was an accident... just not that kind of accident!  this brings a new wave of laughter, and I start rolling on the floor again.  When I calm down finally, I let out a long sigh, and grin up at Sean.  "guess I was all worried over nothing.

I think about it for a few seconds, and then nod deliberately.  "I do want them to train me to have accidents.  I'm sure, just as long as they don't trick me and make me think there's a medical problem.

[Ishigreensa]

"I don't think they will do that," he told her.  "They couldn't pass it off as you having accidents if they did the same trick at the school as I did here, and then you didn't wet at all at home, right?"

He smiled at her.

"I won't be tricking you like that anymore.  There is no reason to do that.  As you said, I just needed to know how you'd handle it."

He smiled thinking about how he had accidentally tricked the both of them.

"Can I still take you to see a doctor just to make sure?  While I'm relieved that the problem is not as bad as it first seemed, I do want to make sure there is nothing unhealthy before we start training you to wet your pants for real."

He then hugged her.

 

"So, how about we see the doctor instead of going to school today?  Is that okay with you?  We don't have to tell them anything about being worried about you wetting, but just ask them if you are healthy."

He smiled at her.

"You can answer the doctor anyway you honstly want to though if you are worried about what to say.

[elfowl]

I hug Daddy back tightly.  "Thank you Daddy I need to be able to trust you.  This isn't going to work at all if I can't trust you."

"You can take me to a doctor if you wanna.  I don't feel like we have to see one now, but if you think it will be a good thing to do then I'll go.  Is it gonna be a regular doctor or a special one?  cuz if it's a regular doctor I don't think we should lie to them and say I'm eleven..."

[Ishigreensa]

"We'll go to a regular doctor.  You're right, we need to be honest so that the doctor can look into everything that can affect a lady your age.  Have you ever had problems with your bladder before now?  I'm guessing not, at least not with wetting, but if there is anything else that is a symptom that something could be wrong, we should make sure the doctor knows to look into it."

He patted her back.

"And how do you feel about birth control?  I heard it can help you not have... well, girl problems once a month if you take it."

He wasn't sure if that was just a myth or not, but if it would help her be a little girl, it would certainly be helpful.  "We can ask the doctor about that, and also if there are any dangerous side effects of taking 'the pill.'  What do you think?"

[elfowl]

I nod, and smile at Daddy as he agrees to us telling the doctor the truth.  "I haven't had problems before,  my only thing is getting dizzy when I stand up too fast."

I cock my head to the side when Daddy suggests that I go on birth control to help with 'girl problems'  "I would like to do that, but I think instead of the pill I'd prefer to do an injection, or a hormonal IUD so I don't have to worry about it... if that's okay with you Daddy?" 

I look up at him, my arms still wrapped around him.

[Ishigreensa]

"Let's ask the doctor about which is better," he nodded.  "If an injection or one of those IUDs work without any side effects, then I see no problem with letting you do that.  It would be easier to have it be something not to worry about, but I don't want to do something that can cause other side effects, so let's just be sure first, okay?  I already know that the pill has some side effects, but those, we can deal with because most people do."

He frowned when she said that she gets dizzy when she stands up too fast.

"We better ask about that, too, then."

Then he hugged her and and took him with her to schedule an appointment with a doctor for women's health.  He figured he could take her to a regular doctor if necessary, but a women's health doctor would probably be able to tell him if she was healthy as a woman for the most part.

[elfowl]

I nod in agreement with daddy, accepting his conclusions.  "Okay Daddy"

I see the worry in his eyes when I tell him about getting dizzy, and add on, "It's only when I've been exercising, or running hard, or I'm otherwise worn out, and my heart's beatin fast.  ...but sometimes it does happen randomly.  It's never too bad, I just need to hold onto something for a little bit when it happens."

I nod in agreement, and go with him, as we go to schedule an appointment.

[Ishigreensa]

"If you feel light headed or you think you might be dizzy, I don't want you to stand up no matter what," he told her.  "I know it might be hard on you, especially in a public place, but your safety comes first, okay?"

He then got an appointment for later that morning, and so he took her to start getting her ready.

"We have about three hours to get there, so I want you to get a bath, okay?  I know you didn't wet the bed yet, but as we are going to be working on training you to do so, if you are okay with it, we should get in a routine of having you take a bath in the mornings, too."

He took her hand and led her towards the bathroom.

[elfowl]

I giggle, touched that Daddy's taking my safety so seriously.  "That would be kinda hard Daddy, since I don't get dizzy until after I stand up.  But I'll do my best, and I'll let you know if it's happening."

I listen, and wait patiently while he calls the Women's Health Office, and sets up an appointment.  I nod when he says that he wants me to take a bath.  "Okay, that sounds like a good idea, and I understand. 

I take his hand and follow him to the bathroom, once there I silently ask with my eyes if he wants to undress me, or if I should do it myself.  Waiting for him if he dosen't want me to, and started to get undressed if he does. 

[Ishigreensa]

Jim smiled at his little girl and got down next to her. 

“Is it okay if daddy gives you your bath?” He asked her. 

Then he started to undress her after turning on the water to start the bath. 

Once she was ready, he walked her to the tub and helped her in. 

“If there is no way to know if you will be dizzy or not then I don’t want you standing up without someone near you to catch you just in case. We’ll talk to your daycare about it and your school if I need to.”

[elfowl]

I smile back at Sean, as he gets down to my level.  "Yes please Daddy  I would like you giving me a bath a lot."

I lift up my arms to help him slide my shirt off, then step out of my pajama pants after he pulls them down, revealing that I hadn't worn panties to bed the night before.

We wait for the bath to fill up, then I climb in with Daddy's help.

I frown at Daddy's new rule.  it was a lot more confining It meant that I couldn't get up by myself in the morning, or any other time that I was sitting down and there was no adult around.  With a little  pout I reluctantly accept the rule.  "Do I really gotta Daddy?  I guess if you think it's the only way to be safe...  That means that if I'm sitting down, or on the ground, I gotta crawl if there's nobody around and I wanna go somewhere, or I need somebody huh?"

[Ishigreensa]

Jim thought about what he was saying and then nodded. 

“Well, if you are completely alone, and I’m going to do my best not to let that happen, then there might be times when you’ll have to break the rule. But as long as it is unnecessary, I want you to get an adult’s attention to stay with you a few seconds after you stand up to make sure you are as safe as possible. If you are in bed, or in the other room but you know I’m home, call for me. Stay right where you are until I come even if you have to pee your pants on purpose to do so. It won’t be your fault if that happens, okay?”

He hugged her. 

“If something scary is happening or more dangerous than you standing up, then you can most certainly move to a safer place. The rule is to keep you safe so follow it with that in mind. If it is more dangerous to follow the rule in a situation, then do the safer thing, okay?”

[elfowl]

I nod back, "Thank you Daddy, I know its for my safety and it means a lot that you're trying to make it as easy as it can be.  But if I can't make it to the potty, cuz I'm waiting for you to come get me, it's an accident then right?  I'll try to hold it though, if I can."  

I hug him back.

"I'm really not scared of standing up though, so if anything is scary or dangerous at all it's more dangerous than standing up to me, but I'll definitely follow it whenever I'm not scared.

I relax in the warm water of the tub, that covers me up to my neck, with a bit of room left still.  It would be really easy to slip beneath the surface of the water.  I make a mental note to not let myself fall asleep in the tub, though I'd probably wake up really quickly.

[Ishigreensa]

Sean nodded.

"Thank you for trying to obey daddy," he told her.  "I know that you might not think standing up is dangerous if you've had this all your life, but I don' tknow know what's going on, and if I'm in charge of your safety as your parent, then I think you should do this to make me feel that you are safe, too.  A lot of times, kids think something is safe, but parents don't, and then they have to do what their parents say anyway, or never hear the end of it, right?"

He started to wash her.

He noticed that the tub was maybe a little too full for her.  He would make sure not to run as much water if he planned on letting her bathe alone.  While she should know better and not let herself drown in the water, it was still one of those things that a kid had to do to make sure their parent feels that their child is safe.

"So, do you want to start that school tomorrow?" he asked her to make sure she still wanted to go through with everything.

[elfowl]

I nod, still frowning.  "Yeah, I gotta do what Daddy tells me to... cuz it might be dangerous even if I don't think it is..."

I relax as Daddy begins to gently wash my body, being thorough, and gentle as he ashes down my legs and arms, and across my chest and tummy.  I close my eyes, letting the heat of the water and Daddy's soft touch soak into me.

I open my eyes to look at Daddy when he asks if I want to start school tomorrow.  "Yes please Daddy.  I wanna be your little girl, and I don't fully know how yet, and you don't know exactly how to teach me, so I gotta go to school to learn how to be a little girl for my Daddy.  I gotta learn how to stop worrying, and how to have accidents, and they're gonna teach me how to do that, and how to be so adoreable that people can't help but want to take care of me."

[Ishigreensa]

Sean nodded and smiled.

"I'm glad you still want to be my little one.  So, let's finish your bath and find something appropriate for you to wear to see the doctor.  I don't think it will be so bad to dress you a little more juvenile than an adult.  As long as we are honest with the doctor, then there is no harm done."

He helped her wash the rest of the way, and then he helped her out of the tub with a nice fluffy warm towel.

As she undoubtedly dried herself off, he led her towards her room to find something not too shocking for an adult to wear, but at the same time, enhanced her youth so that others might not know for sure if she was a young teenager or if she was an adult.

He looked through the clothes carefully, and showed them to her, too, trying to get her input.  While he knew what would look cute and make her look like an elementary school girl, he wasn't sure about what a young teenaged girl would wear.