a world were the young don't age.

[Venomkinglordofvenom]

So before I began allow me to start by saying that this is my first story. Id also like to provide some background information for the story.

So the story is set about two hundred years in the future, humanity has just gotten through a terrible under population issue. A new religion has begun to take root, and controls a vast majority of the  government known as the church of youth. Essentially the church of youth beleaves that all other then those chosen should be treated and made to act like children. So here goes.

 

Alice had been walking the streets when the officer for regression had aproched her. Like all girls given the designation of "potential" she was dressed in a rather revealing and tight dress, which went well with her blond hair and makeup. She had slender but healthy frame. And was rather short, had this been another era, she would have been seen as sexy. However in this era it marked her as someone who could be picked at any moment and taken to a local church of youth adult care facility. Origionly potentials were only made up of felons or mentaly/ physically disabled individuals which was meant to keep the church of youth from having large amounts of peaple from becoming potentials. However ever since the rise of chip technologies. And the laws passed that made it illigle not have one at birth meant that children could be born and made as potentials. Alice was such unlucky child forced to live with a minor speech impediment and inability to dress herself. She'd just come from her designated potentials apartment, since potentials weren't allowed to live on their own, or with their birth parents. She'd been walking the streets getting some groceries, which she had tried to hold out on since she'd already had to put her name twice in the lottery to feed herself last month. It was then that the regression officer aprocherd her and asked to scan her chip. Alice responded careful not to fight her lisp, as that would mean having to take another disability said "wes sir" the officer then said the words shed hoped shed never hear " congratulations Alice, she have been picked for entrance into your local adult care facility. " end of chapter one.

 

I will add chapter two later, feel free to use this idea yourself and any critiscm would be appreciated.

[CDfm]

I think you hav a good idea and from what you have, it seems to be fairly well done. My only complaint would be that there just isn’t much here. This chapter was actually little more than a paragraph. I will say that I am interested in reading a story with this plot. I hope to see more soon. 

[Venomkinglordofvenom]

Been a while, but here is chapter two.

In that moment many things were going through alices head, should she run, maybe she could find a place to hide. But before she could do these things the officers tapped some cammands into his data pad, ensuring alice had considerably less mobility then she had previosly possed, rendering any chance to escape null. The officer then spoke in the way an adult would speak to a child " now alice i know your scared, but i promise ypu its not that bad. Youll be taken care of and noooo more worries. Now can you be a good girl and just cry it out?" 

 

Sorry continue tommorow.

 

[Sarah Penguin]

hmm