Rage, Depression, And Diapers.

[WiiBaby]

I've had anger issues since the 1st grade, though it's become easier to control, I still "explode" at times. This weekend, I got into a heated arguement with my mom, because I scratched up her wheels a little. I won't go into it, but after we argued a bit I was ready to kill someone. I found myself taking off for a jog, around midnight, then pacing around my old school's playground until I was relaxed. Diapers were the last thing on my mind.

I've noticed that when I'm angry, or depressed, I want nothing to do with diapers, or my AB side. In fact, I even start to hate all my feelings towards AB/DLism. But when I am in my AB state of mind, it's like I'm in a different world. I'm calm, and relaxed.

I don't have a way to relax or calm myself down when I'm angry. I snap at everyone around me, and I'm generally an asshole. So why can't I just return to my AB state of mind? It's the only time when I'm truly relaxed, yet I can only enter that state of mind when I'm calm. Does this happen to anyone else?

--Brandon

[Tuxedo Oryx]

I've had anger issues since the 1st grade, though it's become easier to control, I still "explode" at times. This weekend, I got into a heated arguement with my mom, because I scratched up her wheels a little. I won't go into it, but after we argued a bit I was ready to kill someone. I found myself taking off for a jog, around midnight, then pacing around my old school's playground until I was relaxed. Diapers were the last thing on my mind.

I've noticed that when I'm angry, or depressed, I want nothing to do with diapers, or my AB side. In fact, I even start to hate all my feelings towards AB/DLism. But when I am in my AB state of mind, it's like I'm in a different world. I'm calm, and relaxed.

I don't have a way to relax or calm myself down when I'm angry. I snap at everyone around me, and I'm generally an asshole. So why can't I just return to my AB state of mind? It's the only time when I'm truly relaxed, yet I can only enter that state of mind when I'm calm. Does this happen to anyone else?

--Brandon

While I don't feel hatred towards diapers or AB/DL feelings, diapers and/or regression is the last thing on my mind when I'm enraged. I tend to wear them when I'm experiencing fear, sadness, or loneliness, and usually settle down after regression. I defuse anger by viewing bloody and violent movies, photographs, and videogames. (The last movie I watched to deal with my bottled-up bitterness was SAW III.)

[Incomplete Dude]

Imho, you don't really know anger until it's caused to to depersonalize... more than once. It's a really weird feeling, like all the world is a movie, and your body is just some actor, and one external to yourself. In this state, you aren't just ready to kill some one, you will. (Not that I did, thank God.)

In any case, I know what you mean about anger and depression. However, when it happens to me, I purposely start doing AB things, because it quickly pulls me out of it. Still, now I worry it may be leading to an unhealthy dependence. What can you do?

EDIT: Lately, I find that instead of getting into a rage, I get into an almost sadistic mode of hatred, fear, self-loathing and contempt for the world. A generalized pit of despair, immersed in destructive energy. It's starting to get so bad that even AB things don't help that much. I fear that one day it might take over my life, and God knows what I will do... It is a truly terrifying thought.

It's a good thing I'm going for therapy next week.

[WiiBaby]

<rant> I have been that angry before, and if it wasn't a girl who sparked my rage, I would've beaten him to a bloody pulp. People never seem to understand what their actions can envoke, it's all a game to them. If I wasn't so desperate to get away from where I live, I'd have set them all straight. >=X </rant>

Anyways, therapy does help, but I've found that talking to a friend you trust is 100x better. (I'm out of luck there. X_X) My real problem is that I'm extremely stubborn, so no matter how much I want to be happy, if I'm angry, I'll stay that way. I've noticed that if I start to feel happy when I'm angry, I ignore it, and try to remain angry. Oh well, mabye I'm just crazy. >.>

--Brandon

[Guest]

Imho, you don't really know anger until it's caused to to depersonalize... more than once. It's a really weird feeling, like all the world is a movie, and your body is just some actor, and one external to yourself. In this state, you aren't just ready to kill some one, you will. (Not that I did, thank God.)

I have been that angry, like I was viewing things from behind my head instead of in it.

It also sent my aura, which is usually a calm glowy fire, in to a raging inferno of THICK, BLACK and BLOOD RED flames. I was told by my athiest friend who didn't believe in auras that he saw it.

Those who saw the damage and destruction left as I took it all out on an inanimate object (a partition wall) were rather afraid.

Never in my life had I been so angry, and I haven't been ever since. May all those who value their well being avoid bringing me to such ferocity. The english language lacks a word to accurately describe the level of anger and rage I experienced.

[Incomplete Dude]

I find anger to be, in fact, addictive. I enjoy it very much, because it gives a sense of purpose and direction, I suppose. That is, the narrow-mindedness gives a sense of focus and clarity, despite how deluded it may be. For me, I mainly become deluded into a sense of absolute power.

However, being deluded as such disgusts me far more than I enjoy it.