Feeling Incredibly Isolated

[B]

Hi,

I don't tend to post here very often, but I really need to get this off my chest but I'm loathed to put this on Fetlife for fear of upsetting the people involved.

I've been in a relationship for several years with a woman I met through Fetlife. She identifies as a little, but has no interest in diapers, and bodily waste is a hard limit for her. She's fully aware of my interest in it, particularly the messier side, but only became aware of the how important it was to my sexuality after we got together. We are non-monogamous, and very soon after I began the relationship with my girlfriend I met (with my girlfriend's consent) a play partner online with whom I could indulge my interests in diapers. My play partner is an AB, and has an interest in diapers, but he isn't keen on poop. He indulged it for a long while, but he's slowly been going off of it, and in the last few days it's become a hard limit.

I'm not a little or an AB, I'm not even really a Daddy, although this is what I do for both of my partners. Instead I'm a switchy DL who really only gets any sexaul gratification from messy diapers. Which poses a problem, because I love both of my partners, but get absolutely no sexual gratification from our time playing together.

The thing is, I'm deeply embarassed by my interest in messing. And my interest in diapers. It used to be on my Fetlife profile, but when I started meeting people in the kink community in real life I quickly sanitised my profile so it wasn't on there. Consequently neither of my partners were aware of the interest when we got together. Because of this, I don't feel I can really begrude either partner for their lack of interest in playing with me.

The simple solution to this, of course, would be for me to go find another play partner - one who is definitely into the things I'm into - the problem with this is that I have neither the time nor the energy to form a relationship with another person. Nor, if I'm honest, do I think I would find someone else interested in the type of play I'm into.

I'm sorry to come here and whinge, and I'm fully aware that I'm putting roadblocks in my own way. These aren't insurmountible problems, and I'm certainly better off than a lot of people, but frnakly right now I feel incredibly lonely, and very frustrated, and just need to get this off my chest to people who may have felt the same way.

[Ishigreensa]

The only thing I know you can do in the short term, is maybe role play for a bit with those that share your interest... I mean, story role play online.  That doesn't necessarily involve forming any kind of commitment or romantic ties.  It doesn't need to get in the way of your other partners who you really care about, because you can just do it when you feel like it, and let people know that you are only interested in doing short stories that will finish sooner than later, so you can change it and not feel bad about wanting to change stories or something.

[B]

Thank you. I think you're probably right. Hopefully it'll be the right way to scratch the itch.

[nonny]

Your message is really respectful of the needs and boundaries of your partners. I just wanted to tell you how thoughtfully it reads, sad but kind.

If anything it seems like your own wishes and hopes have been held back for quite a while out of consideration for others, plus your own shame about this part of your fetish. (Which I understand, because I share that shame about my own occasional, very desired, always alone poopy diaper and poopy pants play.)