Sometimes it takes more than Therapy

[Bluebird92]

Jordan settled nervously in the big, cushiony leather chair in the well-lit office. She was now meeting with this therapist for the fifth time in the last five weeks, and it was going well so far, despite her initial reservations. Jordan was a freshman at the local university, stood about 5 feet tall, and weighed a petite 105 pounds. A dancer since she was in diapers, it was her mothers ambitions and drive that continuously forced Jordan to dance growing up. Jordan made sure her sleeves were covering up her entire forearm so nothing but her hands were exposed. Her parents were very passionate, and always insisted that they did what they did to help her succeed in life, but that did not mean the bruises were always well-hidden.

Thr young girl still lived at home with her parents. Every day she would wake up early, practice her dance, go to class, and return home promptly to cook and serve dinner, and continue practicing. One of her professors, a kindly older lady, witnessed

[robehouse]

Mrs. Bertrand opened the door to her office and found Jordan already waiting for her. She took a seat in her chair and looked at Jordan.

"Sorry I'm late. I was unavoidably detained. Now let's get started on our session. I want you to relax. There is no need to feel tense. You are not pressured in any way. In fact, if you don't want to talk at all, I won't force you. Now sit back and close your eyes. Just relax."

Mrs. Bertrand starting jotting down some notes on a piece of paper.

"Last time we were together you talked about how skilled you are as a dancer and that your mother made you practice several hours a day, no matter what. You weren't allowed to play with your friends or do things normal children do. I thought we might talk about something else today. Do you remember anything about your potty training and how your mother handled that? You may have been too young to remember, but try. Just relax and try to think back." Mrs. Bertrand said in

[Bluebird92]

Jordan couldn't help but smile as Mrs. Bertrand entered into the room. She had such a calming presence about her, and Jordan could never help but be soothed by her soft, but steady tone.

"There's no need to apologize Mrs. Bertrand!" Jordan replied hastily, "I understand you are very busy all the time! Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me again!" Taking a deep breath, Jordan tried to relax and kept her hands tightly pressed against her legs in order to prevent them from bouncing with anxiety. She listened attentively as they recapped their previous session, as Jordan tried to not shudder at th thought of many long hours every day practing intricate ballet moves.

"Potty training?" Jordan asked, slightly befuddled, "I, uh, don't remember anything from my potty training..." Doing as instructed, Jordan reclined in her chair and closed her eyes, attempting to think back. She had vague, distant memories of her mother screaming at her for not spending enough time on the potty, and the memory of a pee accident happening at a dance recital, soaking her tights and causing her to slip on a puddle on the slick wooden floor. Her parents feigned concern, but at home, she remembered being beat and locked in her room for a day.

Opening her eyes, "um, they really wanted me to potty train I think. I recall a bad accident I had a dance recital, and my parents were so embarrassed. I remember they shoved me on a toilet for days after my initial punishment and wouldn't let me move until I used the restroom."

[robehouse]

"Nevertheless, I made an appointment with you and am sorry I was late for it."

Mrs. Bertrand listened carefully to what Jordan was telling her, watching her body movements as well. She saw this was upsetting to her.

"That must have been upsetting, having a potty accident at your recital in front of all of those people, and then have your parents punish you for something that wasn't really your fault. You weren't the first girl to pee her ballet leotard at a recital, and I daresay you won't be the last. Most parents make light of the accident though. Did the punishment your parents gave you cause any further problems? What I mean is, did you have problems peeing in the potty or even having a bowel movement? How about now? Do you think it might have affected your toileting?"

[Bluebird92]

"Of course it gave me problems.... I still double check around the pott- er, toilet, every time I use it to make sure I didn't make a mess. I can feel the bruises on my behind whenever I flush the toilet, from where papa use to hit me."

Jordan shuddered and continued onto saying, "I still wet the bed sometimes, when I'm really stressed. I have always been good at hiding it, because I know what my parents will do if they find out. I'm such a bad girl, Mrs. Bertrand! I try so hard but I keep letting them down!"The troubled girl put her head down into her hands and began to sob, shoulders trembling and shaking as she let out years of pent-up emotion.

"I am 19 years old! I shouldn't be so afraid of using the potty! It's not fair!"

[robehouse]

Mrs. Bertrand shook her head slightly as Jordan talked. She couldn't believe what she had gone through. She frowned when Jordan called herself a bad girl.

"You are NOT a bad girl, Jordan. You are a good girl. It was your parents who were bad. Many adults have bedwetting issues from traumatic experiences such as yours. I'm surprised it's not worse. No child should be treated like you were."

Mrs. Bertrand sets her pad down and smiles at Jordan.

""Come over here and sit on my lap, Jordan. I know it's not professional, but I feel it might be therapeutic for you."

Mrs. Bertrand held her hands out to Jordan.

[Bluebird92]

It took a few minutes for ajordan to compose herself, but she inevitably found herself standing up and stumbling across the room into her therapists open lap and curling up tightly. It was certainly awkward, but Jordan felt safer than she had in a long time.

[robehouse]

Mrs. Bertrand lifted Jordan up onto her lap and holds her against her chest.

"Shh, no talking. You are not a baby. You are a young lady who has been treated very bad by those who should have cared deeply for you."

Mrs. Bertrand rocks Jordan for a few minutes, humming to her. Finally she sits Jordan up and looks at her.

"Jordan, I think we might need special sessions away from your parents. How about you come to my house this weekend for two days of immersion therapy and we see how it goes from there?"

[Bluebird92]

Jordan had never felt this way before. Is this what comfort and support felt like? She felt warm and loved for the first time in her life. She didn't say a word and just rested in the embrace of her caretaker. All of a sudden she felt herself lifted up and looking at Mrs. Bertrand's face, and she felt herself blush.

"I uh... I don't know, my parents may not let me, especially when I leave here today. They'll want to know what I'm doing and there's no way they would give permission. What is immersion therapy anyway?"

[robehouse]

Mrs. Bertrand nodded her head.

"Maybe we aren't ready for that quite yet. I would still like to try the immersion therapy, even it's here in the office. Immersion therapy is when we deal with your anxieties by first talking about them, then dealing with them in a safe way. For instance, you have a fear of using the bathroom, correct? Afraid that your parents will punish you for making a mess? Well first we would talk about why this causes you anxiety, then we would discuss ways we could make the situation better for you, and ways to make it less stressful."

"Of course, we will need to get to the root cause of your anxiety and see if we can correct that."

Mrs. Bertrand laid Jordan down in her arms again.

"For now, just relax. Put everything out of your mind. Your parents aren't here. They can't hurt you now. You will not be judged or punished for anything that happens in my office, or when you are with me. Now just close your eyes and think about a time when you were happy. It might be when you were just a baby or toddler. Before potty training. Before your parents started hurting you."

[Bluebird92]

Jordan listened attentively, nodding in understand as Mrs. Bertrand spoke, "I always tried so hard to make them happy, and the bathroom stuff should have been an easy way to do that. I know it's silly, but I guess they have done a real number on me..." The young girl felt herself laid down in the older lady's lap and instantly began to relax again. She felt so safe and secure in this position. And she began to wish that she would never have to leave.

[robehouse]

Mrs. Bertrand stroked Jordan's hair as she began to drift back. She took out a handkerchief and wiped Jordan's mouth.

"That's good. Now tell me what is going on and why this makes you happy." Mrs. Bertrand urged, continuing to stroke Jordan's hair.

[Bluebird92]

Jordan allowed herself to smile as she continued to daydream, "Teddy kept me safe... He kept the monsters away... I love teddy..." The girl began to squirm, giggling, as she imitated her baby memories by rolling around in Mrs. Bertrand's lap, "I used to roll with teddy and play with teddy! I love teddy..."

This caused Jordan to think about where teddy disappeared to, and she had the sudden memory of her father tearing her precious teddy bear up because she peed all over herself during her potty training attempts. "Oh... Oh no.... Teddy! No!" Without warning, Jordan's bladder released a little, forming a small puddle on her shorts and on her therapists lap, as the girl broke down in tears.

[robehouse]

Mrs. Bertrand listened to Jordan, stroking her hair. She smiled as Jordan rolled around on her lap and became concerned when she started to cry. She wasn't concerned that Jordan had wet her pants a little.

"Shh, it's okay Jordan. What happened to Teddy? take your time and relax. It's just a memory. It isn't happening right now. Did mommy or daddy do something to Teddy? It's okay, they can't hurt you here with me."

[Bluebird92]

"I, uh... I made a mess while trying to use the potty. I couldn't hold it and went pee pee everywhere! Daddy got mad, and ripped up a Teddy..." Jordan pulled herself tightly into Mrs. Bertrand's shirt and wept silently, "I miss Teddy..."

[robehouse]

"That's a shame. How old were you when your daddy did that to Teddy? He was wrong to do that. It wasn't yours or Teddy's fault that you had an accident was it? Can you remember what Teddy looked like? What color was he? How big was he? I know when you are little things seems bigger, but you can make an estimate can't you?"

"It's okay, Jordan. Your daddy can't hurt you now, remember? You're with me. If you have a potty accident and go pee pee in your pants or on the floor, it won't matter. It is just an an accident. Just relax. "

[Bluebird92]

Jordan found herself relaxing more and more in her arms, smiling softly as she found the nasty thoughts going away. She was so relaxed, that she didn't even notice that the remainder of her bladder emptied all over Mrs. Bertrand's lap!

"he was large..." She whispered, barely audible over the sound of the hissing stream of urine, "He was a big teddy bear with big fluffy brown fur and brown eyes. He was bigger than me as a baby, but I guess he isn't as big now..."

[robehouse]

Mrs. Bertrand didn't react as her lap got wetter with Jordan emptying her bladder. She rocked her as she listened to Jordan tell her about the bear.

"That is still a pretty big bear. And he was your best friend. How old were you when your daddy tore him up?"

Mrs.

[Bluebird92]

Jordan didn't show any response to her pants coming off, so entranced on the image of her bear. "3... I think... I remember I trying to run from daddy, but I didn't go far..." Jordan's brow furrowed, as another image came into her mind. It was her pacifier. It was a pacifier with a little stuffed animal hanging from the front of it. It was a little bear, hanging from her pacifier.

[robehouse]

Mrs. Bertrand tugged the pants off, leaving Jordan in just her wet panties. She set the pants aside and listened to Jordan.

"You're parents probably thought 3 was getting too old to still be in diapers. That's not true though. Children mature at different levels. Jordan wasn't ready for potty training was she?" Mrs. Bertrand said calmly.

"Ballerina's can have pacifiers, especially a little one like Jordan. Pacifiers are nice. They help keep little girls calm, don't they? Okay, we're ready for Jordan to be a big girl now. Take several deep breathes and then open your eyes. When you open them you will be more relaxed." Mrs. Bertrand said.

[Bluebird92]

"No she wasn't..." Jordan slurred honestly, "I wasn't ready for potty training..." Jordan found herself taking several deep breaths, and she slowly opened her eyes. Everything seemed so bright, and her head felt clearer than it had in the longest time. For the first time, she felt as though she wasn't conflicted about anything. She felt free and healthy.

[robehouse]

Mrs. Bertrand smiled and hugged Jordan.

"Little Jordan just had a potty accident. It's no big deal. I will wash your pants and panties. It's not the end of the world. How about you give your wet panties and I will rinse them out in the sink and put them in the dryer I have in the other room. You aren't my first patient to wet her pants. If you re uncomfortable with me seeing you naked, then you can go in the bathroom and take off your panties and hand them out to me."

Mrs. Bertrand stood Jordan up next to her chair.

[Bluebird92]

"I had a ..." Jordan felt all the color drain out of her face, "I am so sorry! I don't know what came over me!" She didn't rest in her shame too long, as the damp panties began to take their toll on her. Without hesitation she pulled them off, covering her privates with a fries hand while setting her soaked panties on top of her equally soaked jeans. "I am so sorry again Mrs. Bertrand, but do you uh, have something else I can wear? I feel so weird being exposed like this...."

[robehouse]

"There is nothing to be sorry about, Jordan. First, you weren't aware of what was happening and second, even if you were aware, accidents happen. It's no big deal. I have a box full of panties on the shelf over there. You can see if you can find something that will fit you in it. Most of the panties are for girls younger than you though. I'll go rinse these out while you're doing that."

Mrs. Bertrand stood up and took the wet things to the bathroom and started rinsing them out, the water running yellow for a minute.

[Bluebird92]

Jordan, still blushing, picked herself up off the floor and walked over to the shelf. She pulled out a box filled with freshly folded panties, all of which were pastel and childish. She decided on a thick pair of cotton panties, with pink unicorns around the waist band. She slid them up her legs and sat down on a dry chair and watched Mrs. Bertrand work, "what now ma'am?" She asked nervously, feeling exposed.