Acceptance Depression & Coping With Yourself

[gweg]

Black]Hi, I have been reading the forum for a while and just thought it was about time to speak up. I have had a time trying to accept myself for who I am.

When I was growing up I was a constant bed wetter until I was around 7 or so. My mom got me trained or but up with the wet beds until she became frustrated and Put me back in diapers when I was 6. I have fond memories of those times after I was put in diapers. One of the most pleasing that I remember today is when my dad used to swat my rear with a love tap on my Well padded rear just at bedtime and tell me good night squirt or nite Peter Austen. Til I was about seven I was in my night diapers but not wetting and my Mom took me out of them.

After that I remember we got to go to California from Idaho for a vacation that culminated at disneyland. Just before we were leaving I remember my Mom taking me aside and telling me that for the trip she was going to put me back in the diapers "Just in Case" so I wouldn't wet the sleeping bag or one of our relatives beds on the road. I remember every night having mom call me in the evenings after dinner and putting me on the bed and diapering where ever we were than letting me go play for awhile before bed time with the others. some times at our relatives a couple of the kids would tease the heck out of me in just my shorts covering my diapers and plastic pants.

After the trip Mom never put me back in diapers again. Although when I was 10 I had sneaked into the attic and got my old plastic pants and receiving blankets and p[inned them on me for diapers at night or when I was alone in my room. I remember I wet them once and hid them in my closet not knowing what I should do with them. Well after aweek my mom had came up to my room and opened my closet and smelling my used diapers dug around and found them. When I came home from School that day Mom told me to go to my room and change my school clothes. When I got up to my room my plastic pants & diapers were on the bed washed and folded. Well my mom came up behind me and asked me what was going on. I stammered and stuttered around not saying anything while she was prompting me to tell her why I had put the diapers on and than went on to ask why I had wet them... Course I kept telling her "I don't know" and than she would say "Do you want me to put you back in diapers" and I kept saying "NO"... Course I figured I was going to get a licking when Dad got home so I kept saying "Please don't tell Dad" and finally she said she wasn't going to if I stayed out of trouble and didn't take things without asking.

That is about my only experience with diapers till I was a lot older and married.

Years later after I was married and we had kids I was working in California on a commercial salmon boat I had bought and I got hurt pretty bad in an accident and started rehabbing after my surgeries started. We had moved back to Idaho and I was really struggling with depression and not taking care of my family. After another surgery on my lower back and leg I start having trouble wetting my self. Being embarassed and trying to be a "Man" I kept my mouth shut and was trying to hide the problems. Soon I was sleeping on the couch a way from my wife and was going out to the store when she would go to work and buying me some depends to wear. I was at that time going back to school (college) to work in a different field and so I would put on a depend in the morning to go to school and than at night I would go study out in the barn and change again before coming in for the night. Well of courst that didn't last long as you can't keep something like that from your family. Well one night I came in and just got into bed with my wife and was trying to figure out what to say. she kept asking me what was wrong and I kept coming up with stutters and such telling her it was hard and she kept saying what ever it was she was going to listen and it couldn't be that bad. finally she reaches over and holds me a little closer than she felt the diaper with her legs and reaches for it with her hand than asks what this was for. I was trying to tell her that I was having problems and she (later I learned) kept thinking it was sexual problems and wanted the diaper for spice so she start rubbing and caressing me til she finally took the diaper off me and we made love... Still after I was scared still hadn't told her the truth and waited for her to fall asleep so I could rediaper myself and stay in our bed.

Course she saw me rediapering and asked me what the problem was and I finally broke down and told her I was having problems wetting and it couldn't go on like that. Well we talked for a couple of hours we me feeling very inadiqute with not working or paying the bills and her working now and me not wanting her to because it was my responsibility to take care of my family and I wasn't doing that now since I got hurt as we went from a 50,000 a year budget to absolutely nothing in that first year after I got hurt.

I wasn't coping with it and was still struggling the next morning. Well the morning I was still in bed when april got ready for work and I was still totally depressed and out of it. Well finally after I wasnt speaking she came over to the bed holding me tell me all the stuff a wife does about it would be ok and to stay home from school and rest. than she asks me how wet I was and later when I didn't respond she asks where my diapers were. Finially I told her where in the barn and she went and got them and got me to help and we got me changed. I pretty much stayed in bed that day while she got the kids off to school and went to work. When she came back i was still pretty upset and we talked for the rest of the evening and she made me promise to go to the doctor... She made an appointment to see a shrink for the next day. I still wasn't going to school put I did get well she did get me to go to the shrink that next day.

After all the ins and outs talking to this guy and he than made me an appointment to see a doctor to get full exams on my "Health Issues" as he called it. I spent the next 6 months between all sorts of doctors and tests with none of them helping me except taking advantage of our checkbook. The shrink the only thing he did for me was get me used to it being ok to be in diapers and it wasn't that big a deal.

At that time in my life I was really struggling and swore 2 or 3 times that if it couldn't stop I would just my dang pistol and go shoot myself. Life was hell. Finally my wife (after having about enough out of me) one night said well if your going to do it get my pistol and go off and do. BUT tell me now what I'm going to tell the kids for ya as to why you killed yourself!!!

That brought me back to thinking a little clearer and I decided than that this wasn't the answer... I was than looking for something to make me decide it was ok to be in diapers all the time. Bout than I started back to school and we where doing classes along with our basic programing and such on the internet and it's uses... This was back in the early 90's 92 I think... Anyway I got the internet at home on that new powerfull 386 with a whooping 150 meg hard drive and powerfull 40 ghz processor that most of you kids now probably didn't know existed at that slow of a speed... Anyway I was finding groups and forums on depression accidents etc and none of them helping. i still was miserable... Fighting with the kids we have 5 (3 at home than), not eating, taking these pills the Gp doctor had me on for depression, and generally just surviving day to day. Well than I found [That site] diaper page and he turned me on to ASFD alt.sex.forum.diapers or what ever it was back than.

That probably saved my sanity. I found out the usual things most of you know that there are others here etc. I was facinated by the adult baby lifes i read about and those that liked being babied and such. Than about that time I took a turn for the worse and had to have more surgery and couldn't go back to school for that year... Being facinated i started collecting baby bottles and pacifiers and such.... Well course my wife found out when she caught me with a bottle in bed one night when I wasn't really trying to hide it. She was upset didn't really understand untill we talked for a few days about my trying to cope. i have since than gradually let my AB side come out more and more and find myself role playing and facinating on my inner youth. My wife changes me all the time unless she isn't home than I got to do it...

During the days I have been know to keep a high chair n Bib around for my relaxation and role playing, I have a crib in the basement room that I have used when I need it. And my wife has learned to accept my bottles in bed and such, I guess mainly because they relax me. They still have me on anti depressents but I cope with my life and my wife knows all about my past struggles and ups n downs and what keeps me going during those times and even cuddles and holds me when I need it. I'm me now and while I can't work except at home I have survived and learned to enjoy again...

I still struggled with the diapers and cost and such, rashes and heat, family until we than started explaining with the kids about my problems and diaper and having to cope with them. That was in 96 or so...

Since that time, my wife with costs has put me into cloth diapers all the time except when we are out on the road or going to town. The kids are used to me and at home they see me working around the house and only with the diapers and plastic pants and my pocket tee on. It hasn't bothered them and when they have companuy over I usually find a pair of light cool shorts to cover myself with... Although it is kind of different though as the kids usually are running into our bedroom or through it to get on the other phone or use the second bathroom so their friends have all seen my supply as my wife keeps it on a series of shelves next to the bed.

Well now it is 2006 my youngest daughter is a senior and I'm still in diapers all the time. I have managed to get through all her High School Sports (softball and volleyball) games and not missed to many cheered at them and helped console the kids when they needed it. And while some of the people in the community know I'm in diapers, I haven't missed a game or event because of them. And even in this small community no one seems to care if my pants are to big or tight or even a small leak appears.

While my Ab side may not be excepted by the majority My experiences from the net and these groups have let me finally live a life I was ready to give up years ago.

I think back now to my childhood and wonder if my experiences didn't tell me that I was destined to be back in diapers or if it was just a coincedence.

Sorry I rambled so much but I thought my experiences would help some one who is struggling like I was.

[Rhezz]

Love those reads, had a nice cupa of coffee, intresting

[Alex Nappy]

Thanks for sharing with us Gweg!

I'm sure you feel quite relieved to get that off your chest and I'm sure it'll help someone.

[Repaid1]

Yes guy, I did enjoy reading your post. Alot of us on here can relate to many of your problems. Hope all is going well now and look forward to meeting you more on the boards and chat. Pleasure to know you and of you, thanks for sharing.

Lil" Timmy