Dilema Do Or Die!

[babyjames77]

I have always known i'm an AB. This is where the problem starts, its only me that knows.

So i'm looking for advice i have no AB/DL Friends would like to get to know some.

I have been in a relationship for 11 years now (not married) i'm 34, and my desire to be an ABG is getting stronger, I don't know what to do, my partner would not be understanding I know that (subtle hints have been dropped). so do i carry on keeping a secret that is screaming to get out? or do i risk loosing everything?

I know what I want but is it the right thing to do?

Let me know what you think.

James.

[diaperpt]

For years I wouldn't have imagined me saying this, but if you've been in a relationship for 11 years and your partner isn't aware, it might be wise to find a way to bring this up. Yes, it is a risk of losing everything (well, your partner...you'd still have ABG).

First though, do you have your expectations carefully and well defined? Do you want acceptance or participation from your partner? What level of participation and what it the liklihood that might happen? Will your partner be OK with the AB part but not the G? The G part but not the AB? You don't have to tell me, but you have to judge this carefully for yourself. You say you don't think your partner would be understanding - believe it. If you've dropped hints and gotten a negative reaction, you'll probably see even more negativity if you reveal it all.

I kept my secret for about 50 years (yeah...I'm OLD!) and only got found out because of carelessly stored used diapers. My shrink has reinforced for me why I kept this a secret...when I was found out, things hit the fan! Luckily I'm working things out with my present wife, but the previous one would have given me NO hope (and I am well rid of her). Things are still tense and I've got to judge what step comes next. I think my wife loves me enough so we can work this out, but I have NO expectation of her ever participating.

Perhaps you could reach out to other AB's in your area who are on here (I hope there are some). Communicate with them, then if you feel comfortable, set up a 'safe' meeting, the follow from there as you feel continues to be 'safe'. That might give you a safety valve to release some of the pressure you feel.

Keep in mind, however, the risk of being discovered by your partner. Even so, realize your ABG tendencies will probably never disappear. If your partner won't accept them, you need to judge which is more important. You can buy time by keeping it a secret, but more than likely it will eventually come out and then you'll have to face it anyway.

In the end though, only you can make the call. Good luck.

[BriGuy]

My philosophy of life is be true to your self. I decided that I'll be who I am and if people have a hard time excepting this then that's on them.

Since I adopted that philosophy everyone who is important to me in my life knows. They still love me for who I am.

That sort of no compromise living isn't for everyone, it has the propensity to blow up in ones face. However, I just couldn't continue living in the closet.

This doesn't mean that I shove my Abdl side in peoples face, it just means if they ask I tell.

[diaperpt]

BriGuy, I can't deny the truth of what you say - for you. And I know that there are lots of statements made that if people don't accept your AB side, then they aren't worth having as friends - or family.

Reality is that there are some people here who were divorced because of AB and while some are better off, others aren't. I believe it really is a calculated risk to tell friends, family and partner. In the long run it may be worth it, but I don't think there are any guarantees.

You are without a doubt correct about not shoving AB into other people's faces. And I think it is important to decide very carefully WHO that 'true self' is. I sense that babyjames77 is still struggling with exactly who that 'true self' is and what he's willing to give up in order to have that. For at least some this is NOT a win-win situation but some win, some loss. I'm not sure everyone will come out as well as you obviously have.

[bcisdiapered]

It may not be as bad as you think. I had never told a soul about my desires including my wife of ten years. Like you, I dropped subtle hints on occasion that resulted in responses that made me feel I could never come out with the truth.

A couple of months ago on our tenth anniversary, I decided to tell her and stop living a lie with the person I love most in this world. When I did finally get the nerve to tell her, I made it sound like what I had to tell her was something so horrible (not intentional, but I was frightened) that when I said I like to wear diapers, she replied "is that all, you had me worried it was going to be something bad". She had questions about my desires that I really was not able to answer as I have never put any real thought into why I like what I do. So we will work on answering her questions together.

Remember that even if she is accepting, she may not want to participate. That is fine. While my wife shows no interest in parricipating, she has no problem with me wearing. She does at times like to playfully tease and sometimes if I am in a mood she will tell me to go put a diaper on.

I love my wife!!!

BC

[Flipside67]

BabyJames: I am purely a DL and not an AB, but I can tell you that I would never reveal my diaper fetish to anyone. I just want to have fun at home (and sometimes at the movies and other public places) wearing and peeing in a diaper.

I realize that my interest in diapers is a fetish...just like some people have foot fetishes or like to smell dirty underware or like to wear animal costumes when they have sex. I don't understand their fetishes and even think them odd, but as long as they don't harm or bother anyone else, I could care less about what ever seemingly strange activities they like to indulge in.

By the same token, I have zero interest seeking public acceptance of my diaper fetish and will not attempt to broadcast it to the World. I am happy to pee my pants in private and not have that fact posted on Facebook or Youtube.

However, I can see that you are an AB, which means that you probably desire having someone baby you. I don't understand your fetish...but then again, I don't expect the majority of people to understand my interest in diapers. Still, you have an itch that needs to be scratched. Rather than run through town in your diaper proudly proclaiming that you are an Adult Baby, I would recommend that you expend your energy trying to satisfy what I perceive to be your real need (i.e. a mommy or daddy or babysitter who will change your diapers and baby you). I am certain that if you explore the Forums on this Webisite and others, you will find someone who will help you with your fantasies.

Best of luck.

[babyjames77]

First of all ABG is a typo AB is what I meant to put . must have big fingers

Thank you all for your comments so far it is much appriciated, and the advice is good.

When i say i want to come out i don't mean screaming it from the rooftops, I just want to explore more of my desires with someone els.

Last night I informed my partner, it went better than i thought! however after a lot of ribbing from her we had a more serious chat and have come to an agreement.

she asked to to put one on for her to see what i was talking about (really embarressing) after a few more humiliating jibes she accepted.

As long as i don't take the proverbial piss (she said that not me) she is happy to keep a secret as long as i am honest with her, which seemed to be the only thing she was upset about, the fact i had taken so long to tell her. We are close and my fear of her finding out may have clouded my judgment.

It is early days im aware of this but i feel quite liberated at the moment and will have to see what time will bring. I will update how things are going soon

Thanks folks

[The Alchemist]

You really should correct that mistake. I thought you meant ether an AB Girl or an "aznbbygirl" (stupid Urban Dictionary). But it is good to hear it all worked out.

[diaperpt]

"she is happy to keep a secret as long as i am honest with her, which seemed to be the only thing she was upset about, the fact i had taken so long to tell her."

Isn't this the dilemma so many of us face? If you tell your partner too soon, you face rejection and loss. If you wait, you risk being found out (it's practically inevitable, I think) and rejected. If you wait and tell, there is the feeling of betrayal in your keeping it a secret - and STILL risk rejection.

This topic comes up so many times - yes, if someone really loves you (and if they aren't totally disgusted by diapers) they'll accept you as you are. The catch is that many, many out there are truly disgusted by the thought of an adult wearing - let alone using - diapers. Many of our partners visualize us in diapers and in their mind we are diminished as a partner to the point where they cannot accept us.

We have some idea even as we get to know our partner or prospective partner how accepting they may be of various kinks. Still we sometimes don't know enough until it's too late.

My marriage is actually better (partly due to my own therapy sessions) now that she knows, except for "the elephant in the room" as she continues to put it. She knows I wear but I go to great lengths to make sure she doesn't have to see anything. We haven't talked about it for a while, but it still hangs there. I am pretty sure the diapers are not going to go away. I've tried and it doesn't work for me. But I'm deeply in love with my wife and don't want her to go away. I don't think she will, but while diapers won't go away, will that damned elephant?

[babyjames77]

you make for a very good point & thank u for taking your time to comments.

Things are a little better this week and have calmed a little, she has seen me wearing and have spent every night in them next to her.

so far so good (for me) only time will tell.