Confused And Semi-New.

[Lyric]

I'm not "new" here, per say, but it seems since I've been gone there's been a lot of changes. I don't really know how to re-introdude myself because right now, because I'm a little lost.

When I first came here, I was relieved to find that what I've felt throughout my childhood up until now, was not "wrong" and I wasn't "screwed up" or whatever shrinks and others would like to say. I thought I could trust someone with telling them until they came here and attacked everyone, and constantly belittled me from that day forward. I then found out that I couldn't trust them at all for other reasons. I did leave for a time, and I started to hide my thoughts about ageplay again, thinking that their really WAS something wrong with me, I even tried telling my mom at one stage and it didn't go down so well. In 2008, I ran into my estranged father and when I casually mentioned AB's in conversation, he spat angry accusations and words about it. My dad has always frightened me, and we still no longer speak again, but I'm really confused and it made me question myself further. I WANT to feel comfortable and less like a "freak" or a "crazy person" again like I used to when I found I wasn't alone.

I'm terrified someone is going to find me here that I know, and I'm confused at what to do. It IS good to be back here, and I wish I could remember those I got close to, but I don't really know what to do. If they're right and I am some "loon", have I messed with my own mind by starting to hold myself back and now hiding it HAS turned me crazy...

Has anyone been through this before? I'm really confused and lost. I apologize if this was a bad introduction topic. I don't know what else to say.

[Guest little_jonny]

i know the feeling, sometime feel like someone on here knows me and there gonna tell everyone. and as for people caling us screwed up, werid, strange, or what ever, thats what they think. they dont know why we have these feelings to do what we do. what we do makes us happy and relaxes us after a stressful day. i'm sorry to hear things arent going good with your dad. i'm sure if i told my dad about my secret life he will call me, sick, wired, strange and never want to speak to me again. we dont get along or have anything in common any way.

but welcome and hope you enjoy it here

[LILJIM]

We all feel strange about this lifestyle at some time. I have too trusted some1 before and been let down.Hope you find your old friends and make new 1s.