Very Confused

[justb]

I first started exploring AB stuff when I was 15 and did the binge/purge thing until I was 17 when my second stepfather let me know that he had seen my disposable diapers. I threw everything out then so if he told my mother then I could just deny everything and I wouldn't have to try to explain something I didn't really understand. I forgot about it for 8 years.

Now I'm 25 and I'm feeling the urge to do all this again. I wonder if I'm broken or something for wanting (...needing) the feeling of security and stability that I get when I'm wearing a diaper with a paci in my mouth. I know that I am very stressed and wonder if that's the cause of all this.

Mostly what I'm worried about is my growing need to regress. Basically, when I was younger, I would get pacifiers and just have them in my mouth while i was sitting in my room doing other things like studying so I could do well in school. It eventually grew to a point where I would wear diapers to bed while snuggling my blanket and cabbage patch kid i had had since I was a small child as the pressure to succeed increased. I liked how it made me feel safe and secure, but I also wonder if I only did it as a response to stress or something. When my stepfather had seen the package of disposable diapers at one point and let me know in a very "you're fucked up and disgusting" sort of way. I never went back to it, but now it's 8 years later and I started wanting it again and recently it's been turning more into a need in that i get even more stressed not being able to have it. I'm wondering if its due to the stress of being away from my room at my mother's house and the surgeries and my confusion with what communities i want to be part of and trying to figure people out and work and blah. I'm worried that it may be unhealthy to try to go back to it, but i also wonder if it really is a bad and dangerous and negative stress relief technique? I don't want to completely regress and become helpless or anything. Just to feel safe and secure again. To have a "comfort zone" or something. But then I wonder if that's just being incredibly weak and that I should "grow up" (tongue-in-cheek) and just deal with stress in a more "mature" way. I'm planning on talking to my therapist, but her earliest opening is 2 months out

I'm sorry if I have repeated myself anywhere. I'm just scared and nervous and would appreciate any help or insight.

I read the sticky post, but all I could find for "support" was the tech support area. I'm sorry if I misplaced this.

Thank you to anyone who spends their time on me.

[XxWillowxX]

Just curious are you living on your own now or still with ur step mother?, if your on your own then i'd suggest go ahead and rebuy the stuff, just put them in a place where guests aren't going to get see them...

I also think ur step mothers rection was due to not understand ur need for them, my own mother rected badly as well, she burst into tears thinkin she did somthing wrong in my up bringing..

oh and welcome to the forums

[TDL]

Firstly, welcome to the boards. The first and most important thing you should now, is that there is nothing wrong about the desire to wear diapers. And stress is a very common reason for regressing (or just wearing diapers in general). It's your choice if you want to tell them or not though. If you'd ever want to do it, here's a couple of good reasons for wearing to "sooth" your parents perspective of it:

Wearing diapers is not illegal.

Wearing diapers is a much better form of relaxation than drugs, smoking and what not.

If diapers helps towards relaxation, you can say that it helps you with working better at the job (if you have one)

Hope that helps a bit. When my father discovered my passion for nappies, he was also telling me that this was not normal and that I was b freak. I just told that normal is old and strange stuff is "in". My mother has the same fetish as well... Good luck!

-TDL

[justb]

Thank you for the replies and welcomes so far (that was faster than I expected .

I'm currently living with my girlfriend and I have told her a little about what's going on. She's being supportive, but admits she doesn't know how comfortable she will be with me with a paci in my mouth and wearing diapers to bed. We'll find out, I suppose. I'm mostly worried about my own well-being and that I don't take this need for stress-relief too far, I think.

[XxWillowxX]

I think its about finding the balance, start slow with the pair of you, maybe ask your girlfriend if she would be more confortable if you wore the stuff during the day when ur alown with her, until she feels more confortable?..

As its been said erlyer, its nothing illegal, just not part of the norm, and most people recte all sorts of ways depending on how open minded they are or there own up bringings. Talk to your girlfriend about setting up some rules how much ur allowed to do, then a month or two later talk about expanding those rules or expanding what ur allowed to do ralther. Its great your girl friend is being supportive.

Why not ask what her disires are? sexural or even none sexural?, try and be supportie for her in those and you'll find you'll become more closer and she might accapt yours more because ur respecting her needs. Communiction is the key in any relationship when that fails the relationship starts brackin down.

I'm not saying my advice is fact, this is just from my own personal experiance like anyone elses advice will be.

[mxgangrel]

Welcome.

-MXGangrel