The Trouble With Gas Part 8

[jbz2079]

The Trouble With Gas 8

I heard the commotion of dinner arriving down the hall and headed for the dayroom. When I got there Doug was in his usual place at the table, I sat opposite, Doug made it quite plain to see he was ignoring me, I scanned the ward looking for Helen, there was still an empty space where her bed should have been.

Dinner was eaten tea was drunk, as soon as Doug finished his he left the table. I was going to say something to him but changed my mind because I was not running after him. Just then the porters come through the double doors with a bed as I looked closer it was Helen, her face was expressionless and very red in colour, I knew that she was still fairly deep within the blackness of anaesthesia and wondered what they had used for the main agent to keep her under, it would not have been halothane because she had been done to the theatre earlier this week. I hoped for her sake it was not ether. As they turned the bed to return it to its place I noticed that her left ear was bandaged also Helen was on a drip and had a big urine bag hanging from the bed, she’s got a catheter in I thought, bet she will be pleased, when she wakes up. The nurse came and shut the curtains around Helens bed and I guessed she would be taking temperatures and blood pressures for the charts.

I decided that I could do with going to the toilet and set off to find Sharon, as I passed the nurses’ station she was coming the other way, I was looking for you I said, well you’ve found me she smiled. What’s up are you wet? No I said I feel I could go to the toilet, I see she said, Why don’t you just go you have a nappy on, Oh no! I said that’s horrible and smelly and I hate doing that, Sharon laughed, I was just teasing you she said follow me she said and we both turned and headed for the toilet. When we got there Sharon soon had me stripped, would you like another bath today John, Sharon asked I would not mind that right I will give you five minutes on here if you manage ok meet me in the bath room, if you don’t turn up I will come back here for you. Ok I said as she left taking the wet nappy and pants with her.

When I was finished I managed with a bit of a struggle to put my pyjama pants on and pull them up, I had just opened the toilet door and Sharon was on her way back to me, Ah your there I was just coming for you, Yes I managed, ok, come on let’s get you in this bath then. I followed Sharon through to the room with the big bath in it, when we got there Sharon shut the door behind me and grabbed me pulling the top of first then the bottom and said carefully get in there, Hang on you need that plaster covered first, she said pulling the plastic bag out of her pocket, when it was fixed I got in the bath, Sharon tipped the big jug over my head and put shampoo in my hair, rubbed it in and rinsed it all out again as she was rubbing me with the washcloth and soap I asked her, Sharon are you married? No I’m not, do you have a boyfriend then? I asked yes I have Why do you ask, I was just wondering, It must be hard working all day then going home and starting again, Well my boyfriend works shifts too and we often don’t see each other for a few days when the shifts are wrong, That must be no fun I said, well we’ve got used to in now Sharon said, we are saving up to get married, I see I said Are you happy, Yes I’m happy my boyfriend is nice to me and spoils me now and then, and I like to give him surprises now and then, and we seem to get on very well together. Sharon said, what brought all this on? Ohh, just things I said things maybe like Sarah she said, yes I said I’ve never had a girlfriend before and I’m a bit scared, Sharon laughed and said I’ll bet Sarah is too, look just take things steady, just enjoy each other’s company and be there for each other and start as friends, then see where it goes from there. I nodded, Very strange things happen to me when she touches me and when we hug and kiss well it’s, it’s very nice. Sharon smiled just go easy it will work out. She carried on washing me, and then gave me the soaped washcloth. I was thinking about Sarah, her eyes, her hair, her smile, even her smell she had a smell all of her own, I had noticed it when we were kissing, it was like Johnson’s baby powder, but with something else mixed it, whatever it was I liked it. I was miles away deep in thought when Sharon said Stand up and I will rinse you off, I nearly said what? Pardon, Sharon smiled and said you were far away then, what were you thinking about, Sarah and how she smell’s, what do you mean Sharon said I noticed it when we were kissing it’s like baby powder, but there is something else too, Ohh right Sharon said I was thinking something totally different when you said she smells, we both laughed she should smell me first thing in the morning I said, I would not be worrying about that because I’m sure she knows what that’s like, I mean she wears too remember and been wearing a lot longer than you. I nodded,

Are you getting out of the bath then of are you planning on drip drying? Sharon teased, Sorry I’m not with it, I said, you’re telling me Sharon said, I think your love struck she teased. I’m defiantly something; I’ve never felt like this before.

While Sharon was drying me, I asked her, do you know how Helen is doing, that’s the young lass who had the ear op this morning? Sharon said yes I replied, when I was down there before she was being sick, I think the anaesthetic has affected her rather badly, I guess she had ether then, Probably Sharon said I wish they could find something a bit nicer, especially for children, I know they don’t use it when they can use Halothane, but most kids who do have it as very sick afterwards. Tell me about it, I could have halothane all day every day, no you could not Sharon interrupted they won’t give you it twice in the same month, that’s why you had ether, last time. I know but what I meant is Halothane is so much nicer to wake up from, I know what you mean Sharon said. Are you going to be a doctor when you leave school? Sharon said, No I want to be a mechanic, cars and engines are my thing I said. I know how they work and why they don’t, that is handy because they will always need mechanics Sharon said. I agreed. After I had been towelled dry Sharon said come over to the table here, I want to show you something.

Right as a special treat, I’m going to show you how to fold a nappy, I shall try and show you how I do it and why I do it this way, Sharon pulled a clean nappy and threw it on the table, Right how would you start to fold that she asked, I arranged it flat and sort of diagnosed with a corner pointing directly at me, Right what’s next I took the left hand corner and folded it in to the middle then the right hand corner to the middle, then the top corner that was left I folded down over the two bits I had just folded, Very good said Sharon you have been watching me doing that, the problem is that you can’t do the next bit with one hand, you need two, with that she folded the back part over on itself to form a sort of top band, now you fit me I said she laughed get up there then, as instructed I got up on the table, now Lift up, as she slid the nappy under me, you want to be in the middle as regards the sides and position yourself so that the top band at the back is just above your hip bones, she took my good arm and led it to my hip bone, Feel there she said, can you feel it, Yes I said, that’s where the top of the nappy sits, then you fold the front part up, making sure your penis is tucked down into the front bottom part, then fold the front pointed bit to the inside so you have a square top at the front and then pull the sides in across the front, this bit take a bit of practice, so you get both sides the same, the pin one side at the top the pins go up and down, same direction as your legs, if you put the pins in the other way, that is across, when you move around it bends the pins and they will usually pop open and two things can happen, the first is that you will stick a pin in yourself when moving, the other is the pins will put holes in the plastic pants, both of which you can do without.

Pin the top of the nappy making sure the pin goes through the fold you made at the back and neatly through the front of the nappy, then the other side your aiming to get the nappy quite tight across your hips and your front and the same amount of nappy on each side, It just practice it becomes natural after a while, it’s actually easier to put one on someone else than yourself. Then you pin the bottom part as close to the bottom as possible keeping the nappy snug to your legs.

What the aim is to have a good fit everywhere with no gaps for it to leak from whatever positions you’re in, that means on your front, back or sides. Starting with the correct size nappy helps a lot, if it’s too big you end up with lots of nappy with nowhere to put it and too small there isn’t enough to cover everywhere. Another mistake people make is trying to wear thin nappies, so that it can be hidden under clothes, Folded nappies should be worn for 2 ½ to 3 hours with no danger of leaking, no matter how much you have drunk, Thin nappies just don’t have enough material in them to do this and will leak.

Now Plastic pants she said Taking a pair and fitting my feet through the holes, lift up, thank you, Right, Plastic pants need to be a good fit to work, Plastic pant’s will not hold a wet nappy up, that’s what pins do, if the top pins are loose the nappy will sag when it gets wet and will fall down into the pants, the it will drag the pants down. Also the pant’s need to be big enough to cover the whole nappy completely no bits sticking out and wide enough in the crotch, that bit there between your legs to be able to still cover the nappy when you fully open your legs. Like this she said pulling my knees outward. Another thing that people think is that plastic pants are waterproof, we let’s put it this way, if you were dressed in only plastic pants and you peed all that would happen is that the pee would run to the lowest part of the pants, it would be the legs if you were standing, the waist is you were lying down and then leak past the elastics and onto the floor or bed or chair. The main thing the pants do is when you wet and your pee soaks the nappy immediately in the front of the nappy is turn back the pee till it finds another dry bit of nappy to soak into, a terry cloth nappy will wick the pee into all the dry bits until it’s all wet, then you run the risk of having a leak, typically when you sit down and squeeze the excess wetness out of the terry cloth, it then is free to leak out of the pants. At the moment you are quite lucky in that the nappy and pants you are wearing are a good fit and the also fit well with each other at your age your growing fast and might have to increase both the size of the nappy and pants in about six months or a year, If the nappy size goes up the pants need to get bigger with them, I know it’s a lot to remember, I have all this printed out and will give you a copy to take with you.

To end with all I can say is I know it seems like a lot of bother, but a good fitting nappy and pants folded properly and fitted right will give you confidence to go anywhere and do almost anything without leaking and that’s what it’s all about. Have you any questions Sharon said I can’t think of any, but half the stuff you have just said I would have never thought about, I said, I know, that’s where a lot of people go wrong the try and make do with badly fitting stuff or cheap stuff and after they have had a few leaks in the wrong places they lose confidence in their nappies and get scared to leave the house, or have wet beds. Apart from running sports or swimming I should think that you should be able to do all the things you ever done before, I would not try running in a nappy you might find that your legs will get sore quickly from all that rubbing.

One last thing always wash your skin down there when you take a nappy off, even if the nappy is dry, because you tend to sweat a lot in them, also use cream every change and a good dusting of powder, it helps stop nappy rash. When you get good at folding and changing you can change yourself standing up when you’re out if you have to take a bit of practice but you can do it.

Listening to Sharon tell me all this was a bit much to take in all at one time, but I had learned a few good tips and things I didn’t know and thinking about it even in the mornings when I was totally soaked I had not leaked and wet the bed.

Now then Sharon said let’s get the pyjama’s back on and you can wander down and see how Helen’s doing. That’s a good idea I said, when I was ready and Sharon had brushed my hair she said right squirt on your way, Thanks Sharon I said, no problem John, see you soon.

When I entered the ward the curtains were still drawn around Helen’s bed, just as I was about to turn and go a nurse came out of the curtain, How is Helen I asked, a lot better now she said, if you want to see her, you might need to keep the sick bowl handy. I nodded, on you go then the nurse said. I sidled through the gap in the curtains to be met by Helen’s face all red with puffy eyes, How are you I said, don’t come in here she said, not unless someone being sick don’t bother you. That bad I said, I’m not as bad as I was but I have felt a lot better, how the ear? Every time I throw up it hurts like hell! I can imagine I said, I felt like you do the second time I was put under, it was awful. Has Sarah gone home then, yes I said about an hour and a half ago, You’ll be all sad then she said, well yes I’m missing her already, I like Sarah said Helen, she a nice person, I’ve got her address and telephone number written down for you if you want it, Helen said of course I want it, I want to keep in touch with her even if it’s just to find out how your treating her, I laughed, don’t you mean how Sarah’s treating me, Well something like that, Do you know she kept me up till very early this morning just talking about you? She said you were both up all night talking, but never said it was about me. Listen to me, you, Sarah’s totally mad about you, she thinks you’re wonderful, only because she doesn’t know me that well I said, I’m nothing special. Well just remember she likes you a lot and she deserves to be treated well, she’s been through a lot in the last few years and could do with a proper good friend. I will try my best you know Helen, I really like her, we have done a bit of chatting too you know, I know I’ve heard it repeated word for word right up to early this morning, I laughed. Excuse me I think I’m going to......... I handed Helen the bowl, she made all the faces and I was sure she was going to, but she didn’t throw up. The gasman’s been up here to see me because I’ve been so sick, he gave me an injection that stops me being sick, unfortunately I still feel like I want to be., Just then Doug poked his head through the curtain, seeing me he nearly reversed, Come in I said he stopped, I just come over to see how you were Helen he said, I’m feeling terrible Doug, but I think I’m going to live, Ok said Doug I might pop back later to see you, if that’s ok, yes fine Helen said, Doug left and Helen said what’s got into him, I had a few words with him in the dayroom this morning I said, Did you now, and what was that about oh he was asking if I was going to be seeing Sarah when I got home and I said yes and he waffled on and said that he could not handle someone who wore nappies, I sharply reminded him I was wearing nappies and sort of went off on a rant, When I finished he left and we had not spoken since, He might have been thinking about what I said. Doug thinking? now that could be dangerous Helen said. I can hear you said Doug’s voice, Good Said Helen, She winked at me, Right I’ll see you later I’m going to let you rest, Here is Sarah’s info on this paper, Oh thanks John, I was hoping she would leave it for me, ok later then I said, oh said Helen.

When I come out of the curtain Doug was looking at me and signing with his face and hands is Helen ok, I nodded and gave him the thumbs up, he nodded and said thanks. I left and went back to lie on my bed, I was thinking about Sarah and how I’d love to tell her that Helen was ok, I tried to read a bit more of the bike magazines but I could not stay focused, I gave up and just lay thinking then surprised myself with the warm feeling from down below, so much for the clean nappy I said. As I lay thinking I must have dropped off to sleep, naturally too, I was dreaming of Sarah we were out together walking holding hands and talking it was a nice sunny day and as we were chatting I wet myself and Sarah said not to worry you’re not soaked are you I said no, well your ok then she said, how you doing I asked Fine she said, I’ve got a bit to go yet, good I said.

I woke up with Sharon standing beside me, Hi That’s good you were sleeping when I came in, Yes I was I said with no medicine either, no I was just laying here thinking and must have fallen asleep. I will take your temp and blood pressure while I’m here said Sharon and wrote them on the chart.

It will be tea time soon, do you want it in here or in the dayroom, dayroom’s fine I said Ok Sharon said dayroom it is then.

[jbz2079]

The Trouble With Gas 9.

I was getting ready to go to the dayroom a doctor in a white coat came through the door, said hello to Sharon and came over to me, I was on my way up here this morning and something happened downstairs and I’ve been trying to sort it out all day, I forgot about coming to see you, I’m sorry. He had a badge on his cat that said Dave Jefferies- Paediatrician.

Well what it is about is that you can go home in the morning, that’s if you can arrange someone to come for you; I said My mum is coming visiting tonight so I should be able to arrange something with her later. Good the doctor said, we are happy that you haven’t any problems apart from your arm and the bladder problems, so you might as well go home. Any questions? No I don’t think so I said Good right I’m off home, Thanks I said, ok bye.

Sharon said that’s good news then, Yes I said but I will miss you Sharon, I will miss you’re high speed

nappy changes and you’re big bath, goodness only knows how I’m going to manage in our small bath at home. Well, try not getting that plaster wet, because if you do you will have to come and get it replaced and they won’t be very pleased with you. I will get you a few things printed out for you to take and sort a few other things out for you too, Thank you I said, it’s ok Sharon said Lets go and get you fed in should be here by now, ok I said.

I sat in my usual place at the table and Doug was sitting opposite, he looked at me when I sat down and said, I’m sorry for being such a dick yesterday, I know I don’t act my age, I said that’s ok Doug, by the way I’m going home tomorrow, You lucky sod he said, I’ve got two more days to go yet at least. I nodded, well you can spend your time trying to be nice to Helen, That’s if she will speak to me he said, Well you won’t know till you have tried will you? No he said.

I had totally forgotten what I had ordered for tea and when it turned up it was a surprise, roast beef, with potatoes and peas and I knew it was something and custard, the something turned out to be apple pie, I was feeling hungry and soon had it all eaten, Doug said you look as though you enjoyed that, I have to admit I did, I was ready for it too. Have you spoken to Helen again, not Doug said she’s been asleep on and off since you left and I didn’t want to disturb her, I’m going to see her shortly are you coming I said, Do you want me to? Doug said Now would I have asked if I didn’t want you too? I suppose not Doug said

.

I sat drinking my tea looking out of the window to the car park below, as it was not visiting time there was actually spaces in the car park, I spotted a red triumph 2000 in the car park but it was not Sarah’s dad’s this one was far older and not nearly as shiny. I finished my tea and put the cup back on the table Where Sharon was just collecting the plates and things, We are going to see Helen I said, ok, I’ll know where to find you then, you ok, not needing a change are you, not I’m ok I said, don’t leave it too long, right, Ok I said I won’t.

I said to Doug are you ready to go, yes he said, come on then as you have two arms you can steal a chair from somewhere and sit on the other side of Helen’s bed, ok he said, as I approached Helen’s bed she opened her eyes, How are you feeling now I said, far better Helen said, I can still taste that stuff on my breath, I went close, breath out I said she laughed and I caught the sweet smell of ether and thought about what I felt like after it. Nasty I said very nasty, tell me about it Helen said. I hope I never have it again, Guess What? I said, what said Helen, that was not a very good guess I said Mmmm! Let me think, I don’t know she said tell me, I said I should be going home tomorrow, that’s good, I’ll bet Sarah will be pleased, I will myself I said, just then Doug come crashing over with a chair and managed to screech the legs along the floor, making both Helen and I wince, Can’t you make any more noise, they might not have heard that in the car park, Helen said Anyways I though you two were not speaking, It’s cool I said all sorted, Helen looked at me with interest, Doug said I’m glad you’re getting better Helen and I’m sorry for being rude and horrible to you and Sarah these last few days, Sarah looked straight at me, I said nothing to do with me, she nodded and I added no honest it isn’t, Ok Doug Sarah said your still not my favourite person, but thanks, and if you see Sarah when you get out of here I want you to say sorry to her too, you were way out of line when you had a go at her, Doug said I will, honest I will. Ok Helen said.

What will you do when you get home tomorrow , Helen said, The first thing I’m going to do is make a big fuss of my dog, apparently he’s been missing me, mind you I have missed him too. Aww that’s sweet Helen said We have a cat at home and I will bet next time I see her she will look at me and say , Ohh your back are you and walk away, cats are like that, all over you at feeding time when it’s over its I’m off got better things to do than stay around here. Yes I find most cats are like that too I said. One of my friends has a little tiger cat and she’s called Sage, it should have been called Rage, it attacks visitors, it even worried the postman, it clawed his fingers when he was putting a letter through, Helen and Doug laughed, I’m pleased it’s not mine I said.

Will you be going round to Sarah’s, I said I will be lucky if I get out at all for the next week, you know what mothers are like?, I would not let you out on your own for a while Helen said you have to be careful with head injuries, thanks I said, I will ring Sarah and let her know I’m home and if she want to come round to our house she can. Ohm right remember to tell her I will be in touch when I get home, Helen said, I will. Awwww man I said I will have to go and find Sharon, I’ve just soaked this nappy, Man that’s got to suck said Doug, I hope it does Doug otherwise there is going to be a big puddle right here, Helen laughed and only then did Doug too. Helen said off you go sooner you get sorted the sooner your back. Ok I said I’m going.

I found Sharon in the stock cupboard sorting thing out on the shelves, as I looked in the door there were huge stacks of towels, sheets, blankets various stacks of nappies, boxes of plastic pants in various sizes, waterproof sheets allsorts in there I thought, I don’t have to ask what your here for I seen you waddling up the ward, come then into your room and on the bed Mr, I will be right with you, I did as I was told and was waiting when Sharon pulled the trolley in, are you in a hurry she laughed, I see you’ve got your pyjama’s off already, well I’m going back to see Helen again, I see said Sharon, my that nappy is wet I can see it through the pants from here, I looked it was all puffy and you could see the droplets of pee on the inside of the pants, it all that water you make me drink, Sharon said you just keep that up, even when you get home, it good for you, I know I said

Sharon placed her hand on the front of the nappy, I looked at her, it’s ok I’m just checking to see how warm it is, why?, just wanting to know if you have been sitting around in it wet of come as soon as you soaked it, part b I said, I know it’s all warm she said, and getting warmer I said what do you mean you can’t be still peeing after that lot, ohh no I’m not peeing I said but someone can feel you touching down there, ohh I see Sharon said, do you want a few minutes alone then, no , I said it’s quite painful actually it stuck in the nappy and trying to stand up, lift up then Sharon said placing the waterproof pad under me and pulling the plastic pants down, she then pulled the pins and removed the nappy, I see what you mean she said, that must be very uncomfortable for you, I was trying hard not to go red, but my face won.

Look it’s ok nearly every male from four years old right up to eighty has the same reaction to being touched, I’ve seen it all before, won’t be the first time a teenager has ejaculated on me while either being washed of having a change, some of you at your age get excited very easy it because it all new and exciting, just wait till you have a few wet dreams, you will be pleased to be in a nappy then, no sticky mess in your bed, could feel my face grow even redder, Sharon just carried on washing me the drying me, look she said you had better do something with that, I will never get a nappy back on you when it’s up like that, with that she passed me a brand new clean pair of plastic pants, here take these and I will be back in five ok, I looked at the pants and then Sharon, she held them close to her nose and sniffed at them then put her hand inside and made a shape and started moving her hand up and down, I just knew what she meant, but didn’t know how she knew, I know they turn you on she said, I was watching you wafting the covers the other day and then you doing what you are going to do now. Look it’s ok, there is nothing wrong with that, I’ll be back shortly, here’s a towel too, try not to make a sticky mess of your nice clean pants.

When Sharon returned I was lying still and things were much easier, I was still holding the new pants still getting that new plastic smell, Sharon said that’s much better isn’t it, I nodded, I’m not allowed to touch you in anyway sexually, washing, and changing and dressing things can pop up, it’s usually far easier and quicker just to let you fix it yourself, I nodded, I see you managed to miss your pants, I did I said ok let’s get you sorted Helen will think you have taken off, I was wondering how you’re going to tell Sarah about your little turn on, I shook my head, no I would not tell her that, not at the moment I said, if she don’t already know I’ll bet she will soon find out, Sharon winked at me., Right kiddo your good to go, Thank you Sharon, Thank you for being so understanding I find all this getting erections and stuff very embarrassing, but you just take it in your stride, think yourself lucky my lad imagine having an old matronly nurse looking after you, then you would have something to feel bad about, it would be cold bath for you my lad. Do they still do that I said some of those old bat’s will be doing stuff like that till they retire, I’m sure they will, I can remember when I was in theatre one day with a big lad, big build and sportsman’s type body he had a broken arm and they were giving him gas and I was holding that mask, encouraging him to take nice deep breaths in and out so he would not panic, he was looking shaky though I’m sure he would have tried to run away given the chance anyways just as the halothane was doing it’s stuff and his eyes were turning glassy this huge penis came sticking out of this underpants, you could not miss it, the gas man said oh my that’s a big lad, I had to agree, the old theatre nurse actually ran through to the main operating room to fetch a blanket to cover him up, what amazed me was that by the time she got back he was under and it had shrunk and almost gone back in, as she was putting the blanket over him the gas man said I don’t know all that fuss over a little thing like that, The look he got would have stripped paint, I dare not laugh she would have had me suspended or something, I laughed, is there lots of people react like that to gas, ohh yes she said it’s a natural human male reaction, it part of a thing called fight or flight from the days when cavemen were hunted as food by other animals, when frightened their bodies would produce adrenaline to sharpen up their reactions and give them the strength to fight or run as fast as they could, you can see the same thing in dogs if they are going to fight, their hair all stands up on their backs, they don’t do that by choice it just happens.

Right off you go before its visiting time, I said you know a lot of really interesting things for a girl, Sharon laughed I suppose I do, now git before I ground you. As I waddled off she was laughing

When I got back to Helen and Doug Helen said I thought you had got lost somewhere, where have you been all that time? Well I had to get stripped, washed, dried, creamed, powdered and a new nappy on then plastic pants them my pyjama’s back on the Sharon told me a really good story, now I’m back, That actually sounds quite nice Doug said Men! Said Helen and what was the story Helen said, I could not possibly tell you that story Helen. Why not she said, I just could not I would be far too shy. Helen laughed. Doug said Helen what’s it like having that thing in, what you talking about Doug, That thing he said pointing at the urine bag, it actually very uncomfortable, when I move I can feel it moving around deep inside me and it feels like I’m peeing all the time, Snap I said They both laughed, I asked the nurse to take it out and she said not until tomorrow, I just hope I don’t roll over in my sleep tonight, with that thing in there and my ear being sore, you will hear me screaming from your room John. Doug said I’m confused where does it go in, I mean you girls don’t have a wilily or anything, Helen laughed, Doug you need to go to the library and find a book about female anatomy and read up on it, we do have a wilily of sorts, it’s just ours is not on the outside, At that moment Doug didn’t know where to look, he was trying to take all this in but was turning a lovely shade of crimson. It’s a beautiful night out there I said trying to change the subject; I know said Helen and we are stuck in here. Not for much longer I said, Doug said I think I’ll go to the toilet, ok Helen said

As soon as Doug left Helen said, what’s happened to our Doug, I said he’s had all day to think about the error of his ways I think, what a change Helen said, he nothing like he was last couple of days.

May be he’s stated to grow up, for his sake I hope so I said; someone is going to banjo him if he don’t.

What was this story about then I could do with a laugh, I said it was about Fight or Flight I said I know what that is, Helen said it happens in most mammals, I said it there anything you girls don’t know about? Helen laughed, I guess someone gets excited when he gets his nappy changed then She added, Oh my god I said, How did you know that, I didn’t she said but I do now, and winked at me.

You might not believe this but I have done a bit of baby sitting and young boys and I mean pre toddlers often get excited when you cream them up while changing them, I just shook my head and you also have a bit of a thing about gas don’t you, I nodded, that’s in your body language when you talk about it, you go all stiff and very animated, Your scaring me now I said I have spent a long time learning body language it can tell if someone’s lying or pretending their happy when they are not and sad when they are happy, it all about looking in their eyes and watching how they move, what they do with their hands. I will have such a good chat with Sarah next time I am speaking with her, there is few things she should know about you, nothing bad I hope, well you should know Helen said after all it is you I’m talking about. She added I could do with you as a boyfriend you are pleasant to know, you communicate well, you know how to treat a lady and I’m sure a good woman could do something with you. God Helen I’m terrified now, Don’t you worry about a thing, you’ll be ok, just take notice of what Sarah says, that girl has a clever head on her shoulders, She grew up far too fast, almost missed most of her childhood, and due to a medical thing that she had no control over, it must be hard being seen as second best over your younger sister, I think that’s what her parent have done to her. You know look at your sister she don’t wet the bed or pee her pants, It would wreck anybodies pride and self esteem. Ohh look Doug’s coming back.

Doug sat back in his chair, been far I said, Not just to the.... Helen burst out laughing, you walked right into the Doug, and I guess I did, it’s all gone quiet here, you were not talking about me were you?

No Doug not then we wasn’t before we were but not then. Doug it’s two years till you leave school, have you any idea what you want to do when you leave, Helen asked, Well I haven’t really decided yet, I might stop at school of go to college, Well what are you interested in, what sort of direction are you heading in. Well I’m quite good with numbers so might head towards business or banking, I also could work in a drawing office because I’m ok at technical drawing.

You are a bit behind us John, but have you got any plans, I want to be a mechanic, I’m always playing around with engines and mechanical stuff, I know how cars and motorcycles work and enjoy fixing them when they don’t., so something along those lines. What about you Helen I said

Well I am expected to go into our family business, that’s ceramics, you know like pots, electrical insulators in fact anything to do with pot ceramics, but I rather fancy being a vet looking after animals. I will wait and see next year which way I will go.

You will never guess what time it is, I said, Visiting time again, Ohh yeah so it is Helen said, I wonder if my dad will come tonight said Helen, he has not been to see me since I came in here, Snap I said

I’m beginning to think I’ve been disowned, Yeah me too Helen said, Right Troops, stand by yer beds I said loudly. See you later. Hope so said Helen it’s a long time till bedtime.

I was sitting on top of my bed when I hear them coming towards my room door, It was George and Malcolm making one hell of a lot of noise, almost shouting at each other and my Mum trying to get them to make less noise

They all piled in the room like a small army on the move, There he is said George large as life and twice as ugly, Hello Chaps I said, I’m surprised that you both didn’t get chucked out making all that noise, Well this place need livening up a bit Malcolm said. Then my dad came through the door, hi he said, you’re looking well, I wasn’t sure what to expect after what your Mum’s been telling me. I’m not dead yet I can assure you, well, when I went to pick your bike up the lady in the house that your bike was in said that she seen you fall and she had never seen anyone land with such a clatter. How is my bike? Surprisingly unscathed Dad said a few scratches, why could it not have been the bike that got wrecked and not you, I half think it might have landed on me before I hit the road I said. I hear you have a new car Dad, what is it, it’s just a Marina Dad said, nothing special, but it has for doors, not that it makes much difference to me I spend all day in it by myself. What colour I said Well they call it harvest gold, sort of mustard as you’re Mum said when she first seen it. What do you reckon to it then Dad any good? It drives ok a bit nicer than the morris 1000 and it has a good heater, has it got a radio, no said dad apparently it has disc front brakes and an alternator instead of a dynamo, ohh right I said. Mum said he has not even seen it yet and he’s got it in bits already. Everyone laughed. Malcolm said everyone at school is asking for you, are they indeed, yeah.

George pointed at my pyjama bottoms and said to Malcolm, does his bum look big in them, yeah bloody massive Malcolm said, George said yes we know all about the nappies you Mum told us, that’s a bit of bad luck mate, but the fall you had it could have been far worse. I nodded so you won’t be calling me names and taking the Mick because of them I said, of course we will said Malcolm, why should you wearing them change a habit of a life time. I laughed, Ohh that’s thing said George, Who is Sarah, we have heard a lot about her, Ahh I said she went home this morning so you’ve missed her, Mum, Dad did you know I’m getting out of here tomorrow, so we have just been told, That’s if I can get my workmate to cover for me tomorrow morning my dad said but I think it should be ok. Mum said to George I’ve seen Sarah, what’s she like then he asked She’s not quite as tall as John, has longish hair and lovely blue eyes, quite slim, what her guide dog like Malcolm said, What? said Mum, Well if she fancies ugly there her eyes can’t be that good, Hey you that’s my boy you’re talking about my Mum said Yeah I know said Malcolm that’s what I mean. George chipped in Sarah loves him but he guide dog spews up every time it sees him, They both started to laugh. Mum said and that’s your mates? I said yeah that’s them. Sarah has bladder problems too I said, not surprised after kissing you George said, That’s enough mate I said it’s getting personal now, ok George said I could not resist it. What School does she go to then? Our school I said she’s a year above us, she went to Scotstoun Primary like us too, Sarah What? Malcolm said Scott I said, can’t say I know her, Where does she live Lennox Avenue ohh very posh George said, actually she’s not I said she’s very nice actually. I guess this is an ongoing thing then Malcolm said, I hope so I said, That’s it George said we will never see him now, he won’t be hanging around with us, I will I said, might not be walking to school with you, but I will still see you, That’s how it starts George said.

That’s some bruise on your scope said Malcolm, you should have seen it before it was massive I said That’s it the bang on you, re head that done it, done what I said, made you go all soft and lovey dovey of course. A few days ago girls might as well be Martian’s from another planet now you’ve got a girlfriend.

Mum said will Sarah be coming round to our house, I hope so I said, just as well I have tidied up your room then, it was like a tip, cause you won’t be going out for a while yet. Oh that’s it said George you won’t be able to find anything ever again and all the stuff you’re looking for will be in the bin, That’s what happens in my house when Mum tidies up, Well if you put stuff away you would know where it is, It will never happen said George, don’t I know it said Mum.

We all chatted on till visiting time was over and when they were leaving Sharon came in and said I hope you two hooligans haven’t been upsetting my star patient, George and Malcolm laughed and said no more than usual, Come with me she said they followed and she lead them to the store cupboard, when they got there she looked at George and said I should have some that fit you and you too she said looking at Malcolm, fit? What? They both said, she handed them both a terry square nappy each and a pair of pants each, they were speechless, now I get you two tormenting him I’m going to put these on you, you got it, they both looked mortified, Sharon burst out laughing, you should see the look on these faces she said. I don’t need incompetence pants and nappies said Malcolm, its incontinence not incompetence said George, Yeah them too said Malcolm, Well not till the nurse said that George smirked. My Mum and Dad were falling about laughing, Right you two let’s get you in the car before your underwear get a lot thicker. They both shot up the ward and out the door. Well should see you at about 10 o’clock tomorrow give you chance to get up and have breakfast, ok, Dad said great I replied, goodnight Mum said a leaned over for a kiss, Night Dad I said Night John. They left and Sharon said what pair those two are, I’ve been listening to them since they come in, it’s hard not to I said, That was a great gag with the nappies I said I wish I had a camera said Sharon their faces that was a bit cruel, not at all I said it was well deserved, Sharon said I’ll need to remember that incompetence pants, yeah I said that will probably become our name for them between us I said. Do you think Sharon said Ohh yes things like that tend to stick. Where are you off to now Sharon said I am going to see Helen and Doug till bedtime I said All right Sharon said.

When I got back down to the main ward and entered I saw Helen looking a bit tired and lacking colour in her face, Are you ok I said, I’m just a bit tired all that being sick before has worn me out, Helen said, I will go and leave you to sleep said, no it’s fine take a seat and chat some more. Ok I said but just say when you have had enough, Helen nodded, who did you get at visiting I said oh my Mum and Dad and my older brother, I see how do you get on with him, ohh he’s great really we get on quite well, we do argue now and then but it’s not as bad as some families I know.

I’ve just had good news I have to go home tomorrow night if everything is ok and then come back as an outpatient for hearing tests next month., Hey that’s good news I said sure is home to my own bed and bedroom, peace to sleep at night it will be wonderful. I heard those two that came to visit you, what a pair are they always that loud, That was them trying to behave themselves I said, I told Helen what Sharon had done to them She found it really funny, They won’t have any problems accepting you wearing nappies then, No I shouldn’t think so, I said anyways they will soon get used to it and it will be old news. Then it will be someone else’s turn for abuse, Helen laughed They are both tidy looking I liked the short one best, That’s George is said he’s a bit of a petrol head like me, Malcolm’s not a fan of mixing with dirt and oil, don’t like his hands dirty.

What’s he into then, he wants to be a chef I said should be good at it too, We wind him up, George said that at home more than 50% of accident happen in the kitchen, I replied I know and we have to eat them. Helen laughed and Mal’s dustbin is the one that needs anti acid pills at night so the neighbours can get any sleep. Helen laughed again, you lot are really wicked to each other, I know its great isn’t it. Does anyone ever get upset when a ribbing goes too far? Helen said, oh yes often, but then you have to get the other person back and if you spit the dummy out you get both of them at you. I see Helen said can you imagine those two getting their teeth into Doug; they would rip him apart Helen said and then eat the bits I added. I wonder what Sarah is doing I said, I wondered when you were going to mention her Helen said, you miss her already don’t you, I’m afraid so I said, that’s not a bad thing Helen said I bet she’s thinking the same thing.

I wonder if I’ll sleep tonight I said I’ve had injections ever night since I came in to make me sleep I won’t get one tonight and I’m looking forward to getting home. Me too Helen said, but I’m shattered so should sleep a bit tonight. Well Helen I’m going back up to try and sleep and leave you to do the same, ok Helen said, come and say goodbye before you go tomorrow, I should be at breakfast I said, oh ok, see you then. As I stood up I felt the warm wetness spread around the nappy front, Make sure you get that changed before you try to sleep Helen said how did you know that I said oh your face told me and you hesitated before you stood right up, your good I’ll give you that, I’m sure the night nurse will sort me out she usually does, Night Helen, sleep well, You Too John.

I went back up to my bed and lay thinking about everything that had happened over the last few days, and thought, the has been a lot crammed into just a few days. Alison the nurse looked in and said I will be back in a few minutes to sort you, ok, yes ok I said. I took a drink of water and was just finishing it when Alison came back, right I’ve got everything let got you sorted, your leaving us tomorrow she said, Yes I am, We will all miss you, you know, It won’t last I said you’ll be too busy with your next patients I said We probably will, but it’s nice to have someone who has been a pleasant as you and didn’t complain about everything. I think I’ve been very well treated in her by everyone and I’d like to say thank you to you too. Thanks Alison said now let’s get you changed. When Alison was finished I put out the bed light and lay thinking, eventually I fell asleep, I woke up a few times during the night, but did sleep far better that I expected.