What Was I Experiencing?

[curiositykilledthecat]

Hello everyone

Okay to be blunt I decided to start exploring the ab side of things as of late and I think I'm unearthing some kind of trauma or an old pain that wasn't quite dead; however I'm not really sure exactly what I experienced. Seeing as there are a large percentage of people on the boards who are into psychology and all that jazz, I have a question. I also understand that this doesn't constitute professional counseling however this is free and feedollars is a price i like.

Late last night I was hit with a sudden sense of pain/loneliness, not really sure how to describe it. It would come and go like hunger pangs. It would get real intense and then subside and start up again. It was evening happening a bit this morning and finally subsided. Was I having a panic attack? Or was this just something completely different. I mean I do get mood swings from one of my meds I take, it being a steroid. I mean I always have had issues with feeling abandoned/alone and it just seems as of late that the intensity has hit harder. I'm usually good at calming myself down in the heat of the moment as said medicine gives me roid rage from time to time. Should I be concerned at this point or just dismiss it as a mood swing?

[Creepymouse]

I know I have similar feelings from time to time, but mine is likely because of the Bipolar in my family. Often, like you said, the ache is almost like hunger, but of an emotional sort. Usually after a good night's sleep, it's gone. It has never been severe enough that I wanted a 'diagnosis'.

It usually happens when I've worked hard on something but end up completely screwing it up, or when I get hopeless due to economic stuff. Stuff like: Why did my sister get a $10K wedding gift from the family (and divorced the prick after a year) but we got a $100 Wal*Mart gift card? She got to go to Hawaii, we got married in the park down the street. Good enough reasons to feel sorry for one's self, I guess.

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

i often get that sorta feeling too....somtimes a guilty feeling when i have nothing to beel guilty abvout...mixed with sadness, when i should be perfectly happy!

it is because i have a long history of depression, and i have come to belive i should live with it and not let it consume me, as for ME its always going to be there, i makesure i talk about it with lucy, and it often goes away on its own after a while

i am in no way saying it will always be there for you, as i know plenty of people who have said they have had it too but it has gone now

if you wan't my advice....may be risky tho! hehehehe....i say, go get nappied up and compfy and try to relax

one thing i would like to ask, if its ok, is wether you think tis is a longing to be cared for by someone?? to be nappied, and comforted??

its just you mention you are exploring your ab side and i find myself wondering if it is your ab side asking for that comfort??

hugs

Juniper

xxx

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

I know I have similar feelings from time to time, but mine is likely because of the Bipolar in my family. Often, like you said, the ache is almost like hunger, but of an emotional sort. Usually after a good night's sleep, it's gone. It has never been severe enough that I wanted a 'diagnosis'.

It usually happens when I've worked hard on something but end up completely screwing it up, or when I get hopeless due to economic stuff. Stuff like: Why did my sister get a $10K wedding gift from the family (and divorced the prick after a year) but we got a $100 Wal*Mart gift card? She got to go to Hawaii, we got married in the park down the street. Good enough reasons to feel sorry for one's self, I guess.

sweetie i know how you feel....we are struggiling to even eat...and that includes feeding our son, who has to come first...while lucys sister moans that she can't use her £60 mobile...or that she only goes to the cinima a few tomes a week...she gets thoudends of pounds spent on her, while we are struggeling to make each meal streach....i can't rember the last time we went to the cinima! and all this talk of 'i just bought a £100 dress' gets both me and lucy down... but we still manage to pick our selfs up and carry on, we have each other and our lovely son, and insted of speng money on expencive things we are happy to go out for a long family walk in the country, and we enjoy it much more than waching our son play the latest £30 game on the wii (although he does have quite a few games)

having said all that, we did just recive a huge package form the in-laws full of clothes for our son and a few other things for him too, so thay are looking out for us, and at least he is clothed

hugs

Juniper

xxx

[curiositykilledthecat]

I often wonder about that Junibug. When I close my eyes I often see a vision of an exhausted soldier with rusted armor holding himself up with just his sword and I wonder if I'm just burned out and need rest. I do like the idea of having someone there to have my back and care for me out of genuine concern/love and not out of a what can they get in return mentality. I never really had any support growing up so I think as I explore more of this side, these issues are going to come up. I've been burned and spurned by people so many times I haven't been able to really trust or find anyone i can actually depend on for comfort or strength. I just wasn't sure if I was having a panic attack or something serious. I've always struggled with feeling alone, and usually it is kept at bay however last night was a really strange experience for me.

[loopy]

I've had the same happen on a couple of occasions, usually its a culmination of a period of depression. Feel down for days, then suddenly end up spending the night wide awake worrying about every little thing in my life.... and the loneliness is the worst part really. Luckily I usually feel better the next day, as if it all came to a head then I could work through the issues in my mind.

I think the want to have someone there for you at times is a very strong need for most humans, its just natural, and when there isn't someone there then it can be a very lonely place

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

i think that it is good you are thinking about it and trying to work on it because if not than it could, possabily, causes panick attacks or if it was one they could just keep coming back...

i think that as you are trying to identify what it is you'll be ok, and if it does keep happening, and you feel it is beond your controll than it may be a panick attack..

i have no idea if it was, but whenever i have had them i have felt as if i can't controll anythig, even if im sitting doing nothing, its a sorta feeling like i get if i suddenly relise i wont make it to pick up my son...or somthing like that (its never happend, just a example i can think of as for me that would be bad!)

try and take some time out and relax, do somthing you find relaxing and do it with no ditractions....it might just help!

hugs

xxxx

[curiositykilledthecat]

I think I'll be okay, i've spent some time on here today and feel pretty good. I just have to keepworking through some things in my life the more i try to supress or ignore it the more these flare ups will happen. thanks everyone.

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

that does often tend to be the case! it's never good to suppress things...

*hugs*

xxxx

[loopy]

Juni, are you saying I shouldn't suppress my murderous rages?

[Codymoogle]

Juni, are you saying I shouldn't suppress my murderous rages?

I'm not Juni, but I don't think you should repress anger, especially anger that gets to the "murderous" stage lol...Act on it with something non-living, like a punching bag, or a pillow, or go for a walk, or crank up some "angry" music that validates your feelings, or play air guitar, or sing, or even throw yourself on the floor or bed and have a long temper tantrum...Do anything that takes your anger away as long as it doesn't hurt you or any living being.

As for Curi (op) - I'd say if this feeling persists, even (or would that be especially) if it "swings", you might want to get it checked out. When those feelings hit, though, try to keep in touch with people, in "real life" or online. If I remember correctly you also have a kitty cat, right? Fuzzies are wonderful to talk to, my kitties help me through a lot of loneliness. As for other suggestions, as I told Loopy, do anything you can that takes the bad feelings away (NOT repressing them, though) as long as it doesn't hurt you or any living being.

I hope I helped.

~ moogle

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

Juni, are you saying I shouldn't suppress my murderous rages?

hehehe.....

i'll rephrase that!.... 'it's never good to suppress things...as long as it's leagel'

better??

hugs

xxx

[loopy]

I guess so juni

Moog: over the years I've found out lots of ways to vent my frustration, I almost never kill anyone these day . I'm actually not an angry person in reality, I let a lot of things slide, even times when I shouldn't.

I wish I could throw a proper temper tantrum, but even in "baby" mode I find it hard to proper kick up a fuss.... I think that's to do with my size in general through, I'd end up getting hurt/doing damage etc etc :X.

[Codymoogle]

I guess so juni

Moog: over the years I've found out lots of ways to vent my frustration, I almost never kill anyone these day . I'm actually not an angry person in reality, I let a lot of things slide, even times when I shouldn't.

I wish I could throw a proper temper tantrum, but even in "baby" mode I find it hard to proper kick up a fuss.... I think that's to do with my size in general through, I'd end up getting hurt/doing damage etc etc :X.

That's why you move stuff out of the way or find a clear spot, silly!

~ moogle

[Junibug 4 Lucy]

oooh! temper tantrums!!!....

i'm good at thoes!!

i'm not an angry person, or anything like that...but i do have bad temper tantrums.....i blame it on being a red head and being part portuguese!!

other than that i like to think i'm pretty calm...unless the mother-in-law does somthing stuipd!! *hates the fact i will be an in-law one day*

hugs

xxxx

[loopy]

That's why you move stuff out of the way or find a clear spot, silly!

~ moogle

Planned temper tantrums kinda defeats the object doesn't it? Plus with no partner its a bit boring :X, since a tantrum is about getting attention and getting it NOW!

Oh and red hair + Portuguese.... remind me to get on your bad side juni

[Wakko]

I've had depressive episodes on and off for years. I'm not sure you're having panic attacks because they are different. And worse. You are literally terrified when you have one. I compare it to your anxiety dial being twisted all the way to the right. A feedback loop you can't stop. I take meds as much for that as for depression.

Most ordinary people will feel down at times, especially during this time of the year in the West, and especially since we are in a recession.

I'd never say it was nothing, but I will say you aren't alone.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I've dealt with depression several years ago as a teen, the problem is my androgel can cause depression as a symptom, however I found as I came online and talked to people I felt better. As for my kitty, she isn't a snuggly cat,she's more of a feed me and leave me alone cat. I had a siamese cat that I will be eternally grateful to for his role in helping me when I was depressed as a youngster. He used to just sit there and purr while I held him. The cat I have now pretty much tries to rip my arms off when I hold her. she does show affection but on her terms. I've been in a pissy mood for about a week straight, usually they come and go every few days. I think it's just a culmination of things happening and not happening in my life. I just haven't had pangs like that in forever. It just took me by suprise.

[Bettypooh]

I've dealt with depression several years ago as a teen, the problem is my androgel can cause depression as a symptom, however I found as I came online and talked to people I felt better. As for my kitty, she isn't a snuggly cat,she's more of a feed me and leave me alone cat. I had a siamese cat that I will be eternally grateful to for his role in helping me when I was depressed as a youngster. He used to just sit there and purr while I held him. The cat I have now pretty much tries to rip my arms off when I hold her. she does show affection but on her terms. I've been in a pissy mood for about a week straight, usually they come and go every few days. I think it's just a culmination of things happening and not happening in my life. I just haven't had pangs like that in forever. It just took me by suprise.

This could possibly be Clinical Depression or not, but whatever it is please promise that if you can't find your way through alone you'll seek someone to help you get through We all care about you and we don't want you to hurt like this Sometimes it takes another person's perspective to see things clearly- I know it did for me- and afterward life can be a lot easier Plus it's always an easier load to bear when it's shared

Bettypooh

[curiositykilledthecat]

Well thanks to everyone for their concern, it's good to see I have some friends out there. I think the problem is I'm the last single guy amongst my friends so I tend to get left out of everything. This of course is nothing new to me as I was "that" kid growing up. I was the one everyone turned to when nobody else was around however any other time nobody wanted to know me. I tend to put up a barrier or have thick skin, however all armor wears down after a while. Part of me is fascinated by my recent spin of emotions however I don't need any undue pain/stress at this stage of the game. Meh, I wonder if I can be doppled into a better situation.(props to anyone who gets that reference).

[Yvhuce]

It seems that we have some similarities in our background... And, yes, I have had these feelings on occasion throughout my life... It turns out that I've apparently been depressed for most of my life and was only recently diagnosed as such... Being as "depressed" is apparently my "normal" state, I certainly hadn't thought of myself as being depressed... And, yes, pets do tend to help a bit... But I've found dogs to be more helpful than cats, as they also tend to be more social. But, you may be different in that aspect... If it reoccurs and you find it disturbing, you should probly let your doctor know, just in case it does have something to do with your medicine.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I thought about mentioning that to m doctor however I really don't want another label or illness to deal with in my life. I know at some point if things start becoming debilitating then yeah I'd need to talk to someone. I just never liked the idea of psychiatric drugs however being in a pissy mood all the time is no way to live either. I've been okay the last two days now, aside from being tired thanks to being at the shelter with the homeless guy who screams in his sleep. All I could think of was the episode of Sponge bob when the squirrel was hibernating. I just wanted to shout, "No I'm dirty Dan!" Well I'm going to freshen up, change and head out, see everyone tonight.