Does Your Ab Side Conflict With Your Non-ab Side?

[Guest aussieabdl]

Okay... what I mean by that question is: Does the fact that you're an AB conflict with your personality. For me it's the most conflicting thing ever... it's like a struggle really. I mean, as a normal, adult person, firstly, I'm very calculating. Kinda emotionally repressed. And let's just say that when I'm not dressed up like a baby, I'm usually wearing a black trench coat or leather jacket, a heavy metal shirt (sporting bands such as Metallica, Iron Maiden, Cradle of Filth, Children of Bodom or Nightwish), and some black pants.

Yet when I get some alone time, I love nothing more than to let that side of myself go and just lose myself in regression. I mean, who cares about being logical when you can watch some Sailor Moon (btw, I'm a bit of a nerd, therefore an anime freak lol... plus Sailor Moon is just awesome. Don't deny it, you love it too!) whilst holding onto your favourite stuffed animal with a pacifier in your mouth? And the awesome, complex, aggressive beats of metal don't seem as important while I'm crawling around the room in a onesie.

I dunno if this type of conflict in personality is common for ABs, or if it's just me. I'm just a little curious to see if anyone else out there is like me in that way.

[TapouT]

As for me when I put the baby things away, I also put the mindset away. The only time it really comes to mind is when I play sports, when I'm out practicing in the backyard or about to swing a bat, I re-hear arguments in my head about how 'adult babies are sick', and the most ridiculuous, coming from mom, 'people who wear diapers cannot function in society' and well, its more bang for my buck.

Also, everytime I put my BDU's or Blue's on, I get reminded of how "we're so sick" and "dysfunctional" and yet, here's one of us serving the military.

It actually makes me proud to be an AB/DL

[sarah_ab]

perhaps your 'adult' personality is being taken to the extreme so that you are unwilling, even in a subconscious way, to acknowledge that you are not as emotionally repressed as you act? that the ab side is a representation of some aspects of your personality which you find unable to express in any other way?

theres nothing wrong with presenting yourself in different ways to different people, or in different situations, as long as you are being authentic to yourself.

When i am in class i am different than when i'm at work, then when i'm with friends, then when i'm with my boyfriend, but all those expressions are still being true and authentic to my self, to who i am.

for me, ab is the manifestation of my submissive side, which would not be benneficial to have while in classes or at work.

just find a balance... and accept that ab is PART of you, part of your wants/needs/desires just like dressing in black and being 'emotionally repressed' is part of you as well

[Necare]

No doubt about it, the infantilist in me is at constant war with my adult side. A conflict I fear never will be resolved. Like you, I`m a metal-head, and I`m struggling 24/7 to try to come to terms with this aspect of my personality, but night and day don`t seem to like each other that much it seems. I know the best thing to do would be to fully accept this side of my personality, but considering how many women are repulsed by it, it`s not easy at all. To say the least. Good luck to you!

[DDude25]

mine doesn't. very few people (other then my gf) even know it exists...and a few exs, and a few girls that have helped me

[Guest aussieabdl]

A few people know that I'm an abdl too. Only 3, but still, they know it's there.

Honestly, I love being an abdl. I love knowing that behind my emotionally repressed adult life, there is a softer, submissive side of myself.

Sarah, your reply was extremely helpful. I now realise that I act differently around different people and in different situations too, with my friends I'm able to relax more and joke around and stuff, at work I can also relax and have some fun (I work as a swim instructor... I teach kids, usually about 10 years old, so it can be quite fun), but at tafe and around everyone else who isn't a student or friend of mine, I'm the person who I described in my previous post. And then... well... when I get some alone time, that's when my AB side comes out to play. Yes, all of these personalities are me, I never do something which I don't find to feel natural to myself.

Necare, I think we should both try to accept that this is a part of who we are. Imo, screw the women who are repulsed by it (not literally of course lol), if you enjoy putting on a nice, comfy diaper and crawling around the room with a pacifier in your mouth, that's your business. Also, I would like to know what bands you are into. If you like Dream Theater and other progressive metal bands, then we must talk more (although maybe not here... talking about metal bands on an abdl board may seem a little out of place)!

Anyway, thanks for the replies, guys, it helped me understand some stuff.

[sarah_ab]

in regards to the heavy metal thing... can i just say i met iron maiden.. hung out with em on their tour bus, and next summer potentially may be doing the same thing with kiss.... just wanted to share

[Guest aussieabdl]

Ahh! That's so awesome! I envy you >_<... Iron Maiden has always been one of my favourite bands... I'd love to meet them. You're so lucky.

[dlsmd]

i personally don't have a conflict between my ab side and my adult side because eather way I'm in diapers 24/7/365 eneyway so y keep them separate

[Necare]

Well, aussieabdl, this aspect of myself would certainly have been a lot easier to accept, if my bitch-ex wasn`t such a little sadist, and decided to out me. A camera apparently comes in quite handy sometimes. The result? Every f**king woman I meet knows about it before I get a chance to speak, and honestly I`m dead tired of it all. About metal bands; check out my thread on "The Rest Of Your Life", I believe you`ll find a proper list there.

[Guest aussieabdl]

oh jeez... she does sound like a bitch. Ugh... I hate people like that.

I think I understand why it's so hard for you to accept... with all the disapproval that you seem to be getting, it would be enough to make almost anyone have second thoughts... but obviously it's something that's built into your personality, and no matter how many second thoughts you have about it, the fact is that you enjoy it and there's nothing you can do about it. At least, that's the way I see it.

I suppose you have even more of a reason to feel internally conflicted than I do >_<

[Necare]

Yes, I wish every painful illness upon the slut!! I have quite the conflict going on inside of me yes, one part of me says; "Fuck everyone else and what they think!", and another says "I can`t take the staring, the smiles and the comments any longer, why the hell did I have to have this fetish?" It`s frankly the weirdest combination, being a black metal guy and at the same time wanting to play as a baby.

[Guest aussieabdl]

Dude... I know exactly what you mean about the odd combination. I wouldn't call myself a black metal guy specifically, I do like it, but I like every genre of metal (Symphonic, Power, Thrash, Death, Black, some Metalcore, and most of all, Progressive), and yeah, I love playing as a baby too. It is weird, which is why I started this thread.

I don't blame you for wishing harm on her. I mean... I'm just thinking about it right now... if my ex ever did that to me, I have no idea what I'd do, but it wouldn't be pretty.

[Necare]

Considering black metal is the subgenre closest to my heart; the type of metal I listen to the most, and which comes closest to the music I`m making (riff-wise, lots of disharmonies etc), I guess I would consider myself more of a black metal guy than just a metal guy. But fuck labels anyway, doesn`t matter! By all means, like you, I like metal in many forms. Do you play in a band by the way?

[Guest aussieabdl]

I wish! Lol. I play guitar and keyboard, have been for a while, so I could play in a band if I wanted to. And I've attempted to start one. But i have a very hard time finding a drummer. I've composed a lot of music though. My older stuff is like... progressive/power metal, and my newer stuff is kinda like... progressive/thrash metal (so just think Dream Theater + Metallica )

We may have gone a little off topic here... lol.

[Guest aussieabdl]

Necare, if I were you, I'd sue your ex for breaching the "privacy laws". I was just reading up on it, and apparently you can actually sue someone for "public disclosure of private facts". To quote wikipedia: public disclosure of private facts "arises where one person reveals information that is not of public concern, and the release of which would offend a reasonable person. "Unlike [with] libel, truth is not a defence for invasion of privacy.""

So pretty much... she revealed private information about you that you did not want revealed, and that does not concern the public. Despite the fact that this information is true, it's still against the law to do this, and you may not be able to reverse the damage she did, but you may be able to prevent future damage and get some revenge on her.

Also, I know what you mean about the disharmonies of black metal. The amount of dissonance there is in the diminished 5th or minor 2nd intervals is just... awesome. Most people seem to not like it, but I love the sound.

[leafy kille]

Necare, if I were you, I'd sue your ex for breaching the "privacy laws". I was just reading up on it, and apparently you can actually sue someone for "public disclosure of private facts". To quote wikipedia: public disclosure of private facts "arises where one person reveals information that is not of public concern, and the release of which would offend a reasonable person. "Unlike [with] libel, truth is not a defence for invasion of privacy.""

So pretty much... she revealed private information about you that you did not want revealed, and that does not concern the public. Despite the fact that this information is true, it's still against the law to do this, and you may not be able to reverse the damage she did, but you may be able to prevent future damage and get some revenge on her.

Also, I know what you mean about the disharmonies of black metal. The amount of dissonance there is in the diminished 5th or minor 2nd intervals is just... awesome. Most people seem to not like it, but I love the sound.

cool that is nice to know since i have a problem with my flatmate teling other people about what i do while at home....

any how on topic, i have several internal conflicts, i like to play baby sometimes, but i also like to play dady sometimes! and my taste in music is masively different when im in baby mode, i normaly like death metal psy trance and other such things, but i prefer clasical in baby or dady mode.... i have just decided that the best thing is to hang the sense of it and just have fun!

[Necare]

Yeah, I know it`s fully possible for me to sue her, and it would have been jolly nice with some sweet revenge. But at the same time, the damage is already done, and frankly going through a legal process would just be too much of a hazzle. I just want to try and forget the whole ordeal, and get on with my life, as impossible as that seems right now. But never say never, maybe I`ll have a change of heart later on, and sue the ass of that bitch.

About black metal; oh yes, lots of sweet disharmonic soundscapes there, which is, yes, hard for everyman to swallow. But that is how it should be in my opinion. Check out the following links to these norwegian bands for a proper showmanship in disharmony:

http://www.myspace.com/thornsband

http://www.myspace.com/dodheimsgard

[Guest aussieabdl]

I actually like a whole range of music. Metal's just my main genre, but I'll pretty much listen to anything that isn't stuff like rap and hip hop and rnb and pop and whatever else is flooding the charts these days. I love classical too, it's what I was brought up on, aside from the beatles (Dad's favourite band lol).

And yes, now we can all rest easier with the knowledge that we can sue the hell out of people who try to reveal this information to other people. And it makes sense, our private lives are supposed to be private! I'm just glad that the law is actually doing the right thing with this and defending our right for privacy. And if anyone were to try to out me, I'd sue their ass off.

I've had the desire to play daddy once... just to see what it's like. but I found it no where near as satisfying as playing baby. In fact, I didn't like it at all lol. So I decided that I'm just a baby, not a daddy. And I love it.

Honestly, from the time that I posted this topic, I have decided that I no longer care about my conflicting personalities. It's all me. I'm a socially withdrawn metalhead and a fun loving baby at the same time. Confusing? Maybe, but I figure it's all just me, and I can't change it so I'm not going to bother trying to figure it out. I don't even want to change it. I do love this part of myself, no matter how socially unnacceptable and contradictory it is.

Norwegian bands? Hell yes. I haven't clicked on the links yet, but so many of the bands I like come from around the scandinavian region. I'll definitely check them out soon.