And So It Begins

[Bettypooh]

Life is strange. Things change as you get older. You can never go back. Yeah, everybody says that stuff and maybe it's true. All I know is that I believe it now that time is taking it's toll on me. Life is strange, after all who would have ever believed that there are so many others like us who enjoy wearing diapers? After discovering the diverse and very large transgender community online after thinking I was alone there, I knew that somebody would love diapers like me, but I was amazed at the numbers I found when I finally looked. I had always wanted to wear girl's clothes, I guess I knew that even before I came to realize it conciously. Finding the reasons behind that part of who I am wasn't too hard to do or too hard to take. Wanting to wear diapers was a totally different thing, and I still don't know why I love them, I just do and it's OK. This story happened many years before I got online and learned about myself. I was still trying to be someone I wasn't back then and I was drinking heavily to avoid having to face the real me eye-to-eye.

I was thinking to myself "Diapers? Oh, come on now, you've got to be kidding! After all the hell I went through to stop wetting my bed and stop wetting my pants wanting to start that again is absolutely crazy! Uh, well I want to anyway and I can't seem to stop wanting it, so now what?" It was a big question with no good answer. I had tried home-made diapers from towels, but now I wanted Pampers just like babies wore with the white plastic backing. I couldn't see myself buying a pack of Depends and anyway the picture on the package didn't look like a diaper to me. The baby Pampers I remember aren't like that at all. I want a Pampers so if I can't get it then I'll make one myself. It wouldn't raise eyebrows if I bought baby diapers and maybe I could put them together with tape. Yeah, that ought to work! That thought lay in the back on my mind for months and wouldn't go away either. I finally got up the courage(assisted by a good amount of distilled alcohol)to go out and buy a bag diapers from a convienence store late one Saturday night. I was too nervous to look at the package as the clerk watched me pick them up, I had to look like I knew what I needed. I was shocked at the price but if I said "No" it wouldn't wash with the clerk. If "baby" needs diapers then you have to get them, there is no other alternative. I paid the price asked. I didn't get a shopping bag so I went out the door carrying a bag of baby diapers hoping I didn't run into someone I knew. I made it to the car safely again, whew! Now I need some waterproof tape. I want white to make the diaper look good. Cloth medical adhesive tape should work, so off to another store for that. At least I can't be enbarrassed if I'm seen with that. Another ripoff price from another convienence store vbut now I'm home and I'm going to soon be wearing a real diaper. Yippee!

I eagerly tore the package open the stood there stunned. What the hell were these? Cloth backed with a baby print and hourglass shaped? There aren't like the plastic covered Pampers I wanted! Damn me, why didn't I pay more attention? It's to late to do anything about it so just go and sit down with the whiskey for awhile. A few good belts later I need to pee. I should be diapered by now but I'm not. Actually I'm pretty depressed over that. I start down the hall to the bathroom and stop. This isn't right. I promised myself that I would be peeing in a diaper, not the toilet. I turned back and went to the kitchen table where I left the diapers. Dropping my pants and briefs I stuffed a diaper between my legs, then pulled my clothes back on, smiling. I felt a trickle, then a gusher. I could feel the diaper getting heavier then I felt pee running down my legs as my pants became soaked. I tried to stop peeing but I couldn't. Afterwards I felt even worse than before. I'd wasted a diaper and soaked my pants too. I was almost crying from the frustration as I took it all off. I realized that I had peed far more than a baby would so I shouldn't have expected a single diaper to hold it all. Because of all the alcohol I'd had I knew another pee was coming soon so I decided to make the best diaper I could and do it again. By a bit of fitting I found that I could tape three diapers together like a "T" and they'd fit. The tapes kept popping off so I added some adhesive tape to hold them. Satisfied that I'd done well and feeling my bladder half full I sat down to watch TV wearing my shirt with it's still wet tail and a diaper and nothing more. Halfway between commercials I felt a pee coming. I smiled as I let it go...and go...and go! I was in such a state of bliss that it was at least a minute later when I realized that the chair cushion was soaked underneath me. I checked both sides as I sat there and both were soaked. Well maybe I could turn it over! I got up and as I did my taping job fell apart. Tha diaper hit the beige carpet with a splat. Disgusted, I grabbed it and and threw it in the trash. I checked the chair cushoin and it was soaked through, just like the fabric underneath it. By now I was pretty drunk so I stood the cushion up on end to dry and went to bed. I knew that I'd probably wet the bed tonight as drunk as I was, and that I should put a couple towels down loke I usually did when I was this drunk but I didn't. In no time I was fast asleep. Sometime during the night I dreamed of being asleep in a diaper and saw the Pampers I was wearing grow a bit yellow as I peed as if I was standing in my bedroom door watching myself sleep. I thought that a bit strange watching myself like that, but seeing my Pampers doing it's job made everything seem OK.

My head was throbbing, my throat was sore and I was cold when I woke up in a soaked bed. I silently cursed myself as I staggered to the bathroom. Somewhere about mid-pee I remembered the diapers on the kitchen table, the night before, the wet chair and everything else. I got mad about the wet chair and my wet bed. I took off my wet clothes and put on a dry pair of briefs, then went to make coffee. On the way through the living room I saw the stained cushoin, still wet. As I sat disgusted at the kitchen table waiting for the coffee to finish I felt like a loser. I'd let myself get drunk. I'd spent almost all my money on diapers that I couldn't use. I'd peed in my chair, right in the living room where everyone could see it and smell it. And my bed was soaked so badly that it would still be wet tonight. Disgusted at me for failing to keep control of myself. I was nearly broke and payday was still a long away off. I'd make it but there would be no money for anything but the essentials now. And all I had to show for it was this bag of diapers. The coffee was ready so I got a cup and thought it over. It would be a shame to waste the diapers that were left. I had managed to make one that fit me and all I'd need to do is tape it better this time. I played with the diapers folding the edges and turning them round until I was satisfied that I could make a diaper that fit and wouldn't leak or fall apart. I taped one together and held it up. I pulled on it to see if the tape was holding and it was. Now all there was to do is to test-drive it! I felt proud of my work but I didn't want to wear a diaper right now. Most of the roll of tape was used up so I didn't want to make another one until I had tried this one. I sat there wondering what to do and what it all meant. It was Sunday morning and a friend who lived close by would always come over then, so I took all of the 'evidence' back to my bedroom and stuffed it under my bed. I pulled the blanket over my bed to hide the wetness and headed back to the living room to see what I could do for the wet chair cushion. I managed to get some of the cover dry with a hair dryer but it left a stain so I pulled the foam out and rinsed the cover. I hung it to dry from the faucet in the bathroom with the curtain pulled to hide it. I squeezed a bit of pee from the foam but it stayed wet and smelly. If I put it outside today it would dry in the sun so I put on my bathrobe and took it out, placing it on a small table behind my shed. The morning was crisp and cool but the day would get hot soon enough. I'd dry the cover later on in the same way. I went back in and decided to toss some dirty clothes in the chair to hide it's wetted and cushionless condition. Being known as a bit of a slob has advantages sometimes! I remembered the diaper in the trash can so I looked and there it was on top for all to see. I poked it down deeper and put some more trash on top of it. It didn't smell so that would do for now and I'd take the trash out later as I always did. Now the only way anyone would know what I'd done was if they had seen my buying diapers and I was certain that they hadn't. Finally I felt relaxed, the coffee having shaken the hangover off and my secret life safely hidden. The only repercussion would be sleeping in my wet bed and I'd just sleep on the sofa tonight. There was a knock at the door and I greeted my friend as if everything was normal. Somewhere off in the distance there seemed to be someone screaming at me, a tiny voice that was telling me that normal was over forever now and that I couldn't go back. I wanted to ignore the voice but somehow I knew it was true. I shuddered as I closed the door and felt a dribble of pee escape, wetting my last clean pair of underwear until I did laundry that afternoon. Smiling I asked "Coffee?" as I peed a little more on purpose. Now I felt good again and I knew that somehow everything was going to be OK.

PS: This is my first story here and I hope you like it. It's based loosely on my own experiences. The setting was the mid 90's during the summer in the deep south where traditions such as closed-mindedness run deep, and where the only thing worse than looking different than everyone else is being different than everyone else. I was and I am amd I'm still here in the deep south. That is about all that's left in my life to connect me to this story

[Baby Johnny]

I liked it very much. Thanks for sharing.

[Bettypooh]

"Falling Ahead"

The drunk staggered home from the short walk from his friend’s house. He closed the door and sat down at the kitchen table. It was late and he had to work in the morning but he couldn't sleep. Something had been troubling him for months and he knew that he had to deal with it soon. He decided that laying in bed might bring sleep so he got up, peed in the toilet, then went to bed. It didn't seem like long before he had to get up and pee again so he got up and headed for the bathroom only to be rewarded with a dribble. This wasn't working at all so back to the kitchen table he went. He turned on the radio and tried to forget his troubles. For awhile it worked, then he had to pee again. After another dribble he began to crack and he knew what he had to do. Back in his bedroom he pulled the top drawer all the way out and put it on his bed. He reached in and pulled out the thin panel which cleverly concealed the place where his panties were kept. With trembling hands he found a pair of white satin bikinis and pulled them on, then put the panel and the drawer back. He felt excited but calmer now. He even smiled for a moment until the guilt set in again. It was always like this and he hated it. He went back to the kitchen but by the time he got there he knew he could sleep now. In a minute he was in bed and he felt the sandman coming. It all felt so right now, so peaceful. He knew he’d be sleeping like a baby tonight.

Waking up with a hangover wasn't anything new. Waking up in panties wasn't new either but it always shook him up a little when he realized what he was wearing. Waking up in a soaking wet bed wasn't new either but that hadn't happened in awhile. He glanced at the clock and knew he had to hurry. Glumly he tossed the panties under the bed, pulled the sheet back and almost ran to the shower. He hated rushing like this in the morning but he managed to get dressed and to work on time. All day long he wondered about the wet bed and his wet panties. 'My panties.' stayed in his head with the emphasis on the 'my'. Being a guy and having his own panties just didn't jibe but he had learned long ago that it was his reality. At least a dozen purges didn't stop the inevitable return to wearing panties. It was the 'my' that bugged him today and he knew that it was the reason for his increased drinking. Only when he was smashed did his panties leave his mind. It was going to drive him nuts if he didn't do something about it but what?

There was never an answer to that particular question. He wasn't gay, he couldn't talk with anyone about it, and he couldn't stop. He drifted back to his younger days when wearing panties had finally brought an end to his pantswetting at 14, and how over the years he had learned to stay dry without them. Back then he wore panties everywhere because he had to or he'd wet his pants. He was glad that he didn't have to do that now. He didn't have to worry about anyone finding out anymore, he could date girls and he did, but he could never have a long term intimate relationship because of his panties. He remembered the slut at the bar last week, she was fun even if everyone else had been there before him. The smile that the memory brought fell when he felt a sudden urge to pee. He headed for the bathroom as his bladder screamed for relief.

It was like that sometimes but he always managed to hold on until he got there. Well, almost always. Sometimes the urge hit so suddenly that he leaked a bit before he could stop it and on the worst of those days he even wet his pants a little. He was good at hiding the small wet spots without attracting attention. It never happened when he was wearing panties and he wished he could stay dry without them but he couldn’t. He never wet his panties unless he was sloppy drunk like last night. As he opened the bathroom door a small squirt escaped his bladder and he gritted his teeth as he held on for dear life until he could pee safely. The relief at times like this was almost as good as sex and this was about the only time he felt like he totally emptied his bladder. Peeing about twice his usual, he knew he'd be safe for awhile again. Zipping up he saw a small wet spot at his crotch. He sighed and knew that he'd have to hide it until it dried. He thought ‘If things were different, if only I could have just worn some panties today. Then my pants would still be dry’. But they were wet, and his bed was soaked. Maybe it would be dry tonight, maybe not.

He wished someone was there to punish him for bedwetting or do something which would make it stop but there wasn't. He was alone and would stay that way forever since no girl would want a guy in panties. He put on a happy face until quitting time but inside he was a shambles. More than anything else he wanted to get drunk but he knew that wasn't going to help a thing. Like his panties he wasn't going to quit drinking but a change of some kind was needed, and it had to be soon or he was going to snap and he knew it. The only solution he could find was hidden away in the back of his closet, the baby diapers he'd bought a few months ago. He needed to diaper for bed if he got drunk and he decided to do just that. Now he felt a little better and the rest of the workday went by quickly. Soon he was home with a six pack in his hand. As he opened the door the strong smell of stale pee hit him. He opened the windows and closed the bedroom door without checking his bed or panties. All he wanted to do get drunk right now, even if it meant he had to wear diapers to bed. With the breeze the odor was gone by the time he finished his first beer. He needed to pee but he decided to check his bed first. Man, he hadn't soaked it like this in a long time. There was no way it would be dry tonight and probably not tomorrow either. He looked under the bed and got the white panties out. They were dry and he had an urge to put them on but he didn't. Instead he went to the bathroom and washed them in the sink before his resistance failed him. He put them on the foot of his mattress to dry. What little moisture they held wouldn't make his mattress any wetter.

As he turned for the door he felt his full bladder spasm, and the wetness spread between his legs. He tried with all his might to stop the flow but it didn’t work fast enough. He had just wet his pants without being drunk, and that hadn't happened in years. It was too much for him to bear and he sobbed helplessly as he took off his wet clothes. He went to the bathroom and finished peeing. Back in the bedroom he pulled out the top drawer to get dry underwear but stopped as the drawer was halfway open. He instantly stopped crying and began trembling as if someone or something had flipped a switch. The drawer came all the way out. In a minute he was back in the kitchen with a fresh beer in his hand. Nobody else knew that under his pants were a pair of pale blue satin bikini panties and he intended to keep it that way. He wasn't going to wet his pants again tonight and that felt good. Later that evening he walked to do some partying with his friends. He secretly worried about his panties but they didn’t seem to notice them. As the evening went by he grew drunker and he began to forget about being in panties.

Finally he knew he’d better get home before he passed out. Walking home alone without anything to distract his thoughts he remembered his panties. He almost laughed thinking about how he’d gotten away with wearing them. He might do that again. If nothing else he hadn’t even dribbled like he usually did so it was worth the risk tonight. He felt woozy and knew that he had to get into a diaper quickly when he got home or he would pass out just like he was. He stumbled and cussed as he fell. His dulled reflexes didn’t let him catch himself and he scraped his forearm when he hit. “Dammit!” he yelled angrily as he picked himself up. ‘Well’ he thought, ‘at least I’m awake enough now to get a diaper on before I pass out’, and he staggered home.

At his door in the dark he peed onto the grass just for fun. Then he went in, locked the door, and checked that all the curtains were fully closed. It wasn’t easy to put on his diaper as drunk as he was, but ten minutes later he had managed it and he was about to pass out. He grabbed a blanket and saw the mess on the living room floor, his pants, the panties, the bag of diapers all strewn around as if nobody cared. He remembered getting the lights turned out, and he felt good knowing he was safe from bedwetting that night. He tossed the blanket on the sofa and that was the end of his memories that night.

[Baby Johnny]

Thanks for the update. Please try to break up your paragraphs some. For example:

-----

Waking up with a hangover wasn't anything new. Waking up in panties wasn't new either but it always shook him up a little when he realized what he was wearing. Waking up in a soaking wet bed wasn't new either but that hadn't happened in awhile. He glanced at the clock and knew he had to hurry. Glumly he tossed the panties under the bed, pulled the sheet back and almost ran to the shower. He hated rushing like this in the morning but he managed to get dressed and to work on time.

All day long he wondered about the wet bed and his wet panties. 'My panties.' stayed in his head with the emphasis on the 'my'. Being a guy and having his own panties just didn't jibe but he had learned long ago that it was his reality. At least a dozen purges didn't stop the inevitable return to wearing panties. It was the 'my' that bugged him today and he knew that it was the reason for his increased drinking. Only when he was smashed did his panties leave his mind. It was going to drive him nuts if he didn't do something about it but what? There was never an answer to that particular question. He wasn't gay, he couldn't talk with anyone about it, and he couldn't stop.

He drifted back to his younger days when wearing panties had finally brought an end to his pantswetting at 14, and how over the years he had learned to stay dry without them. Back then he wore panties everywhere because he had to or he'd wet his pants. He was glad that he didn't have to do that now. He didn't have to worry about anyone finding out anymore, he could date girls and he did, but he could never have a long term intimate relationship because of his panties. He remembered the slut at the bar last week, she was fun even if everyone else had been there before him.

The smile that the memory brought fell when he felt a sudden urge to pee. He headed for the bathroom as his bladder screamed for relief. It was like that sometimes but he always managed to hold on until he got there. Well, almost always. Sometimes the urge hit so suddenly that he leaked a bit before he could stop it and on the worst of those days he even wet his pants a little.

-----

It makes it so much easier to read when there are places to pause.

[Bettypooh]

Thanks for the update. Please try to break up your paragraphs some. For example:

It makes it so much easier to read when there are places to pause.

Thank you for the comments I wrote this in several parts using MS Word then copied it here later while I was still half asleep. I forgot to do my usual final proofreading, so I'll edit it and do better with the next installment from the start It's been a long time since I wrote things for others to be reading!

Bettypooh