New Game........dear Auntie

[Juliabam]

Dear Freswith,

I must say, I'm sorry, not by heart or mind, but as something you just say, that you took my answer so ill. Bare in mind, you did ask for advice, and I must admint, I did believe you wanted honest ones.. We could naturally all go around and tell you lies, such as "ofcourse you're not queer", Oh yeah you look good" and "You really seems to be a very nice guy". But what good would that do to you, if you later found out it was all made up, and that you could trust nothing of what anyone ever told you.

As for your job description, I think it's OK if you're a brownpipe engineer, you should be proud of what you do and yell it out loud in every corner of the world. And I don't mind either if you aren't and if you're happy and maybe even proud you're not, but do something else, shout that out instead.

But honestly, you do most of all sound like you should retire and rent a room at the old pee ple home, learn how to play bridge, instead of bowling, and buy a large jar of sweets you can lean back in your resting chair and suckle on.

But you dont want to hear that, I know, so I will rather say,woow you sound really cool, can you teach me ???

Yours,

Julia

[freswith]

Julia

Have a look at that website, and see if you can reply in kind!

Freswith

[underwhere]

Dear froggie freswith,

Please pardon me for intruding with an air biscuit on your conversation with Auntie Julia. I do, however, doubt that she would care so much for the baby bullets you are spewing at her. Perhaps you should bark at the ants instead?

Just a humble suggestion from the otherwise confused underwhere

[underwhere]

Dear Auntie,

Can you please explain to me why it appears this thread has died? If it has anything to do with the profanisaurus, that most retched extinct creature from the Cretaceous period, maybe we should call an exorcist and get that thing buried once and for all. What do you think, Auntie?

underwhere

[daddys diapered princess]

Dear Auntie,

Can you please explain to me why it appears this thread has died? If it has anything to do with the profanisaurus, that most retched extinct creature from the Cretaceous period, maybe we should call an exorcist and get that thing buried once and for all. What do you think, Auntie?

underwhere

Dear Underwhere,

I think that we just need some new questions to get things going again and we should ignore the profanisaurus (or troll).

Auntie Em

[Baby Bethany]

Dear Auntie,

My mommy won't let me play violent computer games. She says these are only for boys, and that girls should do things like skipping and playing with dolls. But I can't skip (the rope keeps hitting my pigtails) and dolls suck!!

Is mommy just being a big sexist? And should I tell her she is just being a big sexist?

Love

Beth

[underwhere]

Dear Beth,

Auntie is out on assignment today, but she did have time to read your question before she left. She told me to respond to you like this:

Dear Beth,

Yes, your mommy is being sexist, but you should only tell her she is being sexist if you desire to get a spanking. Mommies don't look too kindly on being insulted like that (so don't tell her I said she was sexist either) but if you can learn from this to be a better person when you grow up and not be the same as your mommy, you will have learned a valuable lesson.

However, I am still concerned that you want to play violent computer games. Why anybody would want to play those pieces of trash (games???) is beyond me. As a result, I agree with your mommy that you should go skipping and playing with dolls. Its much safer for you and everybody else in the long run. As for your pigtails getting in the way, I would highly recommend it is time for a long overdue haircut.

Yours,

Auntie

[Baby Bethany]

Dear Auntie,

My mommy says I'm big enough not to need diapers anymore, and she thinks we should maybe start potty training. But I'm only 39 years old and don't like the idea of rushing these things. Besides, I'm scared of the potty.

I've heard about mommies who start potty training too early, do you think this is what my mommy is doing?

Love

Beth

[freswith]

Dear Bethany,

I think your mother has been very patient in delaying your potty training, and I am sure you will not suffer too greatly. Some mummies have even been known to use superglue on the rim of the potty to ensure that baby doesn't get off it too easily.

Do your best, but if your mummy gets you an electric underblanket it's probably time to talk it over seriously with her.

Your loving Auntie Freswith.

[DiaperBigBoy]

Dear Auntie

I was having constipation issues, well I have been constipated, I was wondering what are some good idea to stop it, or to un block it? And is it okay to use an Enema?

[freswith]

Dear DBB,

Yes, enemas are a good way to relieve constipation. For a really good result I suggest the following:

2 pints WD-40

3 Cups 20w/50

4 Oz dried mustard

4 Oz Curry powder

12 Jalapenos, finely ground (Dorset Naga if you can get them)

Ideally this should be applied with a stirrup pump in the engine-testing bay at your local airport. You may need the Fire Brigade standing by.

If all else fails, visit a mathematician and ask him to work it out with a pencil.

Your loving Auntie Freswith.

[leafy kille]

dear auntie i drink too much cider and as a result im always going to the toilet but this can be quite dificult when drunk so i often make a bit of a mess round the toilet i clean it up in the morning but my flatmate dosent like it i like my cider and dont want to stop drinking it is there some way i could train myself to be more acurate or is there some way i could make it so i cant miss the toilet also i have a problem with punctuation and i also have a problem with people not looking at http://www.dailydiapers.com/board/index.ph...mp;#entry194462 yours slightly drunk leafy

[ultrapampers]

Dear leafy,

Since I presume giving up cider is not an option for you (it certainly isn't for me!), you're left with two choices:

1. Sit down on the loo when you have to wee, like girls do.

-or-

2. Wear a nappy of sufficient capacity to match your cider intake, then don't even worry about abandoning your pint just to go to the toilet.

As for punctuation, just press some of those keys in the lower right corner of your keyboard at random intervals as you type. It'll be fine.

Yours,

Aunt Ultra

[leafy kille]

D34r 4ul\l7y,

1 l-l4\/3 f19ur3d 0u7 pul\lc7u4710l\l.

7l-l4l\lk5 4 7l-l47.

8u7 l\l0\/\/ l\l0 1 533/\/\5 70 ul\ld3r574l\ld /\/\3

also thanks for the advice on the toilet my flatmate is much happier now.

{nb. this is retorical, a new question is required now}

[underwhere]

{It will be funny to respond to this one, though. }

Dear leafy,

Is it any wonder why nobody understands you? I plugged that gibberish into my spell checker, and determined that there wasn't a single word there which could be understood. I can only presume that you have completely lost your mind.

Before sending out this reply to you, however, I decided to seek out help in deciphering the letter you tried to write seeking advice, and when I was told what was written, I still couldn't understand why you wasted my time trying to figure that out. When considering doing this again in the future, please be sure to remember to fill a bathtub with water, plug a hair dryer into an electrical socket, turn the hair dryer on, toss the hair dryer into the bathtub, and then step right in the tub for a very long relaxing bath.

Yours truly,

uncle undies

[Baby Bethany]

Dear Auntie,

I got into trouble for sitting on the chair in a soggy diaper. My mommy told me I'm a horrid girl who does naughty things on purpose. She then sat me on the naughty step for half an hour. I was so bored that I took the top off my sippy cup and poured the orange juice down my diaper, but it leaked and went all over the carpet. Mommy has now told me that I must stay in my room tonight, as she doesn't want to see my face or hear me.

Can I come and live with you Auntie? I'm not horrid, but my mommy is horrible to me all the time. Pleeeease!!

Love

Beth

[Juliabam]

Dear Auntie,

I got into trouble for sitting on the chair in a soggy diaper. My mommy told me I'm a horrid girl who does naughty things on purpose. She then sat me on the naughty step for half an hour. I was so bored that I took the top off my sippy cup and poured the orange juice down my diaper, but it leaked and went all over the carpet. Mommy has now told me that I must stay in my room tonight, as she doesn't want to see my face or hear me.

Can I come and live with you Auntie? I'm not horrid, but my mommy is horrible to me all the time. Pleeeease!!

Love

Beth

Dear Beth,

You certainly can not, and shame on you for asking such a naughty question. I guess your mommy infact did the right thing to send you to your room to think about things. Now spend the time alone learning to behave well, instead of figuring out other places to keep behaving bad. And if you should get bored doing so, take some time to spank yourself before doing stuff that will make yor mommy spank you.

With caring love from Auntie

[freswith]

Dear Auntie,

I used to love a girl, but now she has gone away and doesn't want to speak to me anymore.

How do I win her back?

Lovelorn Swain.

[Juliabam]

Dear Auntie,

I used to love a girl, but now she has gone away and doesn't want to speak to me anymore.

How do I win her back?

Lovelorn Swain.

Dear Sir,

i know I'm only your friends' Aunty, but allow me to answer anyways.

You should think about moving on, it seems to me, that you're crying for no reason. What's lost is lost as they say in the financial business these days.

May I instead turn your interest towards me. I am a nice old lady, aunty for a good word and only 102 years young. I still have 1 tooth in my uppermouth and, as I guess you do, I love to sip tea all day and dunk biscuits till they're so soft I can chew them with my eyes.

I love cats and have one for each year of my age, living with me.

I don't mind if you're an old and maybe even ugly toad, as long as you know how to please an old lady. That means rubbing her feet and helping her keep her wig in good shape and cook a good meal with no larger chewable chunks in them.

I spend all my money during the depression, but I have a special eye for finding good bargains in the dumpsters behind the socalled supermarkets. By the way it is the only eye I have left since the other on was stolen by my pet crow.

I have a good sence of humour and still enjoy thinking about Chaplin and singing in the Church, but they wont let me come there anymore after an incident where someone had borrowed the silverware for a candlelight dinner 80 years ago.

Give me a call, my number is East 29

Yours sincerely

Miss Brunhilda Badasa Stalecookie

[freswith]

You sound like my dream girl.

Do you smoke and swear?

[Baby Bethany]

You sound like my dream girl.

Do you smoke and swear?

Dear Frog Face,

Juliabam, da bam, bam, both smokes and swears. But she was recently caught doing both in a pub and was arrested (under the anti terrosim act). The judge decided that smoking in a pub will not only spread 'Swine Flu' but also create a hole in the 'Ozone Layer. He also charged her with terrorism, on the basis that at the time she was over heard swearing, she was talking about the government, and telling the truth is a threat to our national security!

She was sentenced to 25 years.

Love

Auntie

PS; That's why she didn't reply!

[leafy kille]

dear auntie

my son is up to no good again and i think he may be smokeing canabis altho im not sure, every time i try to get him to do anything he wil throw a massive tantrum and then wont speak to me, sometimes for several days, grounding him is no use since he is always in his room when he isnt at school, what can i do about him?

thanks leafy

[freswith]

Alas! Alack! Woe is me! Woe and thrice times Woe!

Any idea where they sent her? We could send her a file with a cake in it....

[Baby Bethany]

dear auntie

my son is up to no good again and i think he may be smokeing canabis altho im not sure, every time i try to get him to do anything he wil throw a massive tantrum and then wont speak to me, sometimes for several days, grounding him is no use since he is always in his room when he isnt at school, what can i do about him?

thanks leafy

Dear Leafy,

Why don't you play him at his own game.......kids always hate it when you like what they do.

Next time he comes home from school, join him in his room and offer him a 'spliff'. And then when he goes to see his friends, go with him (wearing big baggy jeans with the crotch around the knees and a hood over your baseball cap). He will get so fed up with you being 'his new best mate' that he'll go into 'rehab' just to get away from you.

Love

Auntie

[leafy kille]

Dear auntie,

i have done this and you where right he has stoped being anywhere near as obnoxious now that i hang arround with him all the time, but i have a new problem now, im hooked on canabis and i cant stop it is soo good!

thanks leafy