Corrupt-a-wish

[freswith]

I wish freswith had not forced me to do that!

Granted. You volunteered. Your phenomenally foul and foetid farts get you the nickname "Chemical Julie" and a job-offer from Osama Bin Laden.

I wish julia would remain downwind of my lilypad in St James Park.

[underwhere]

juliaban does remain downwind from your lily pad for some time. However, as winds have a habit of changing, and as your lily pad has some very long roots, your lily pad winds up moving directly into the path of the fart storm just as juliabam lets loose with a particularly smelly fart.

I wish that freswith will like the smell of farts so much that he becomes obsessed with them, thus turning away any potential shot at settling down with anybody.

[freswith]

Granted, but the build-up of gas in St James Park becomes so critical that a stray spark touches off the flammable gas and the resulting explosion flattens everything in a one-mile radius.

I wish to be in my country cottage when that happens.

[underwhere]

Granted: You are in your country cottage when that happens. Unfortunately, within the one mile radius that everything was flattened were an array of gas tanks and at least one nuclear power plant, all of which exploded causing catastrophic damage to everything within a thousand miles, including your cottage.

Despite the cataclysmic event, I wish that freswith survives anyway.

[Juliabam]

Granted, he survives, but now suffers from a bad case of shell shock, each time he passes a gas station he sits down and yells oh no oh no gonna make a boom boom....

I wish the nice doctors at angels mercy special case nursery will be very kind to freswith and hand him plenty of medicine to chill him down.

[freswith]

Granted. Freswith, who slept soundly through the Buncefield fuel depot explosion, chills out very easily.

I wish to sell a surplus quantity of tranquilisers on the black market at huge profit.

[underwhere]

Granted: you successfully sell your surplus tranquilizers on the black market for a huge profit. However, you mandated that you would only sell for cash, and you were given cash, albeit really good counterfeits. When you go to the bank to make a deposit, you are arrested for trying to pass counterfeit currency.

I wish that somebody will bail freswith out of jail. Be advised, however, that the jail only accepts wire transfers for bail on account of the latest counterfeit currency fiasco.

[Juliabam]

Granted: you successfully sell your surplus tranquilizers on the black market for a huge profit. However, you mandated that you would only sell for cash, and you were given cash, albeit really good counterfeits. When you go to the bank to make a deposit, you are arrested for trying to pass counterfeit currency.

I wish that somebody will bail freswith out of jail. Be advised, however, that the jail only accepts wire transfers for bail on account of the latest counterfeit currency fiasco.

Granted someone transfers a wire to the prison and bails freswith out. He uses the wire to climb the walls of the prison and jumps to the other side. But since this must have been taking place in USA because that's he only place with pee ple sufficiently crazy to accept wires as valid currency, they're stuck with freswith now because no transportation with destination Europe will accept wires as payment for his ticket. Not even if he had a pound of wires...

I wish freswith will feel at home in the land of "youwouldn'tbelieveitifyouhadn'tseenit"

[freswith]

Granted, Freswith is completely at home on his cousin's splendid estate in deepest Virginia, where his educated British accent goes down a bundle with the southern belles.

I wish I had a mint julep.

[Juliabam]

granted you have a mint and a tulip, unfortunately I misread the wish!!!

I wish freswith will accept that as a fact!!

[freswith]

Granted. Freswith accepts it as completely and totally fact.

I wish Julia manages to get treatment for her dyslexia.

[Juliabam]

granted, but you still have to settle with a mint and a tulip!

I wish freswith will accept that as a fact!

[freswith]

"If a man has two loaves, he should sell one and buy a flower" - Confucius

But a Mint Tulip????

Granted. Julia is mad. Freswith accepts this as a fact.

I wish Julia a speedy recovery of her sanity.

[underwhere]

Granted: However, restoring her sanity has an estimated time of success of two million years. In the mean time, she tortures you with her insanity.

I wish that freswith survives the torture.

[Juliabam]

granted, he survives, but only because he has underwear to unload all his sorrows on..and other shit that might happen..(btw. Torture is only 'fun' if the victim survives..otherwise they can't tell what you were torturing them to know, and all your work would have been meaningless..and that means, breaking a sweat for no reason... don't do that!!!)

I wish underwear does dirty laundry!

[underwhere]

Granted: underwear does dirty laundry, but I don't know who underwear is.

I wish Juliabam would learn that if she wants to get somebody's attention, she needs to spell their name correctly.

[freswith]

Granted. Juliabam spells your name correctly while forging your cheques.

I wish I hadn't dropped that washer down the spark-plug hole...

[underwhere]

Granted, you didn't drop the washer down the spark plug hole. You dropped it in the gas tank of your car instead. Attempting to burn metal is probably not a good thing for the engine of a car.

I wish freswith was not so klutzy.

[freswith]

Granted. I stripped the entire engine, and didn't drop a thing. I didn't find whatever had dropped into the cylinder, either.

I wish I had the new head gasket so I could put it all back together again.

[Juliabam]

Granted your head now has a new gasket, but your emotions are still leaking out, so you find yourself sitting and wheeping over the engine that you can't fix.

I wish the crazy god of unatural motion Loco Motive will give freswith longer legs so he can jump longer and still save fuel!

[freswith]

Granted. the great God Loco Motive give me longer legs, but unfortunately I am now 8'3" tall, which means that I keep banging my head.

I wish Julia would read

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-...ll-therapy.html

and perhaps piss off to Ecuador for a while and leave her bitterness there.

[underwhere]

Granted: Juliabam reads that, and pisses off to Ecuador. However, she leaves her bitterness there, but comes back with the combined bitterness of everybody she meets there, making her far more bitter than when she left in the first place.

I wish that Juliabam doesn't get bitter with me.

[freswith]

Granted. She doesn't get bitter. You provide the gin, she provides the tonic, and you have a whale of a time.

I wish I could be there.

[attends_99]

Granted you are there and having a whale of a time, but then the whale mistakes you for an appetizer.

I wish I wasn't in heat....or at least had a girlfriend.

[attends_99]

who am i kiddin i will never get the courage to ask anyone out and women don't seem to ask guys out so i will never have a GF and will forever remain in a state of heat.

I wish I hadn't killed this thread! (where are Julia and Freswith when you need them??)