Bladder/bowel Management Program Not Working

[Simon]

Hello everybody!!

My name is Simon and I posted my story on this site awhile ago about my history with incontinence.

Basically my story is this I started wearing diapers full time a lont time ago just because I wanted to. I didn't need to at the time I just wanted to wear them all the time so I did. Now years later I've realized that if I'm not wearing a diaper things don't go to well. For example I'll have a bowel movement in the shower or wet my pants in the car on the way to the store to buy more diapers.

When I first noticed this I freaked out and saw a doctor who has since diagnosed me with incontinence. The cause of it is a mystery to everyone as there is literally nothing physically wrong with me but I am now trying to get my control back so that I can have the choice to go without diapers if I want to or need to again.

The problem is this: Its been months since I've been diagnosed and on this stupid program with my doctor but I have seen almost no improvement at all. I haven't made it even close to the toilet at all since I've started this program and I'm still having daily accidents without warning. This is very puzzling to both me and all the doctors. I just don't seem to have enough control anymore and its very unsettling for me.

Last time I posted something on here some other users mentioned the possibility of muscle atrophy in my muscles. I am afraid I may have this because I can't tell when I need to go to the bathroom and I can't stop when I start going. For example when I realize I'm wetting or soiling my diaper I try to stop in the middle but I phsyically can't. My muscles have a mind of their own now. My question is is there any way that I can find out if my muscles have atrophied?? Is there a test I can do at home or at the doctor's office?? And how common is muslce atrophy in the bowel and bladder muscles?? Just curious.

Any help will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!!

Simon

[Creepymouse]

I don't know much about the medical side, but I think its a matter of 'you get what you wish for'.

You say you chose to wear diapers full time, and after years of this, you wonder why you have accidents in your pants when you choose not to wear protection? In all honesty, I'd love to give you my control, but it don't work that way. :\ I read an article about a man who had radical bladder reconstruction, and seemed to have no control at all. His doctor said "just keep exercising, even if it seems useless" so he kept up the kegels and trying at it, and all of a sudden one day he could hold it again, even if it was a minor victory at first.

Unfortunately, you might be living with diapers for a while, perhaps a long while. I'll not try to ask why you chose them then, but want out now, but I'd say its time to find a good brand, and make sure you don't run out. That will prevent wet accidents on the way to buy some more. Sorry, but even though I'm only 'functionally' incontinent, I NEVER let myself run out of diapers, that's not very bright.

[Dill_Pickle]

(snip)

Now years later I've realized that if I'm not wearing a diaper things don't go to well. For example I'll have a bowel movement in the shower or wet my pants in the car on the way to the store to buy more diapers.

When I first noticed this I freaked out and saw a doctor who has since diagnosed me with incontinence. The cause of it is a mystery to everyone as there is literally nothing physically wrong with me but I am now trying to get my control back so that I can have the choice to go without diapers if I want to or need to again.

The problem is this: Its been months since I've been diagnosed and on this stupid program with my doctor but I have seen almost no improvement at all. I haven't made it even close to the toilet at all since I've started this program and I'm still having daily accidents without warning. This is very puzzling to both me and all the doctors. I just don't seem to have enough control anymore and its very unsettling for me.

Simon:

WHICH stupid program? Are you doing timed voiding? And are you dribbling, or simply suddenly finding you have diaper full of pee? Without some information on that, it's hard to say much useful, except to keep trying and reading so you can possibly find something else. There are biofeedback devices to help you know if you are doing your kegels correctly. By holding your pee for a bit each time you can stretch your bladder so it holds a bit more.

As creepymouse suggests, you are going to be in diapers or something for a while yet until you retrain yourself. Simply dropping diapers first isn't going to do it for you, you need to start learning to control yourself first, THEN the diapers go away.

As for suddenly having bowel movements in the shower, I suggest you work on having one BEFORE your shower, every time. This kind of regular schedule will help keep your shower cleaner, and is a first step in regaining control of your body. I think I suggested previously that you keep a log of when you have your bowel movements, and try to lead them by an hour or so by sitting on the pot even though you don't *FEEL* the need to go...

[AndB]

Keep working at it! If you give up now, you won't get where you're heading. Until then, all I can say is to try to enjoy your diapers. There are people on this site who would love to be in your shoes.

[quattrus]

Hello everybody!!

My name is Simon and I posted my story on this site awhile ago about my history with incontinence.[...]

I remember your story very clearly, and I pretty much agree with Creepymouse when he says 'you get what you wish for'.

Don't get me wrong, I am myself a person that happens to desire things and then stops wanting them when they're in my hands, so I have an idea of how that can be for you.

But, instead of damning yourself for getting out of the situation you've stuck yourself into... have you tried just accepting it, as if it was a matter of fact? I mean, you've been wearing diapers 24/7 on purpose for some years, this way you've showed your body what it feels like to be free from the necessity of retaining wastes, and there must be a reason if in some way your body has decided on its own that he likes very much the idea of emptying anytime it needs to, since it clearly doesn't seem to intend going back to holding it.

Since when, last year, you first started describing your problems and said you intended to seek medical advice for retraining yourself out of diapers, it seemed to me you were putting yourself in a tunnel of problems, medical tests, etc... that seeing your update doesn't seem to be coming to an early end, requires time and effort to be carried on, and can potentially lead to frustration if on the long run things don't go as you expect them to do. And for what? Just because you've decided that you don't intend anymore to take advantage of the fact you're in diapers 24/7 but your body seems to disagree with that.

Think about this: sometimes being coherent with ourselves can be the simplest of things...

My best wishes for anything you decide to do, and keep us posted with your progresses!

[diapered1964]

Simon

Good luck buddy.

I realy mean it, good luck. I know just where you are comming from.

Back in 87 I decided that I wanted to wear diapers 24/7 and I had the perfict opertunity to go for it, as I had just had a nasty ATV accident and the opertunity to fake a bladder problem was at hand.

I had gotten so good at wetting uncontrolably while wearing diapers that I found I would even wet myself if I was not wearing a diaper, so it was diapers 24/7/365.

I even had to go see the doctors to get a medical opinion for my work place and had to go see a urologist who did all sorts of test and I was even able to fool his equipment as his report showed that the nerves leading to my bladder where dead and I would have not control over when my bladder emptied its self.

With this report in hand and on file I was free to wear my diapers to work without the fear of being caught and fired for wearing a diaper.

After the first year of wearing diapers 24/7 wetting them uncontrolably I decided what the hell, why not just go shit in them as well and I begun to shit my diapers when ever and where ever the need arrised, even at work.

Well back to the doctors once again to get proof that I had no control of my bowels and could not keep from shitting my diapers while at work as well.

Well I passed with flying colors so to speak. I was able to fail any and all tests to see if I could control by spincher muscels and failed. ( I wont tell you how I did that)

Now I was free to piss and shit in my diapers when ever and where ever without worry.

This was just what I had hoped for and I had a good 10 year run with it, but as with everything all good things comes to an end and I grew tired of having to tote along a diaper bag everwheres I went and being excluded from some events because of my diaper wearing.

So I decided it was time to re-potty train myself, this was no simple thing to do and just tossing away all the diapers aint going to work.

What I had to do was relearn the signs of having a full bladder and bowels and the feelings of knowing when it was going to happen so I could try to keep from wetting myself or messing myself.

This re-potty training took the better part of 2 years to accomplish, but I still have limited control.

I know when I need to go and can keep from wetting or messing myself but not for a exstended period of time.

Bowel retraining has been the hardest, when I feel the need to go shit I must find a toliet within 10 minutes or I will mess my underwear and I find I leak spirts of pee every now and again.

I do belive my body was much happier when it emptied on its own conrtol instead of when I want it to.

Again good luck with your endevor to get back out of diapers.

[Eric D]

Simon,

I never really understood why someone wanted to become incontinent in the first place...

for me it's all about choice - freedom of choice - I can ENJOY my diapers when I want but I don't depend on them.

Sure if I'd ever became incontinent I might find it easier to accept 'cause I like wearin' diapers.

I wish you good luck with your situation...

---

diapered1964

Faking things in front of doctors is neither difficult nor a big achievment... it's not hard to do if you read a bit about what tests are going to be performed and know what reactions are "expected"...

One question - Why did you need this for "work - reasons"? after all it is not likely that your boss asks you what type of underwear you have on (depending on your line of work I guess... )

Diapered1964 & Quattrus

About "the body being happier"-thing ... I believe that's a load of bollocks - sorry to be so blunt about it.

First most of us have been potty-trained at a young age - that is during a period when we tend to learn things "easily & quickly"... now many years later you take a few years to basically untrain certain reflexes, weaken your sphincter muscles (bladder & anal) and shrink your bladder down to a golf-ball sized minature version over the time... it is something someone does "on purpose" and takes it's toll on the body.

And now if that someone wants to reverse things, wants to be able to have some control again - well it ain't gona happen overnight... it takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work... It has nothing to do with something like "the body being happier at just voiding wherever and whenever".

[quattrus]

Diapered1964 & Quattrus

About "the body being happier"-thing ... I believe that's a load of bollocks - sorry to be so blunt about it.

First most of us have been potty-trained at a young age - that is during a period when we tend to learn things "easily & quickly"... now many years later you take a few years to basically untrain certain reflexes, weaken your sphincter muscles (bladder & anal) and shrink your bladder down to a golf-ball sized minature version over the time... it is something someone does "on purpose" and takes it's toll on the body.

And now if that someone wants to reverse things, wants to be able to have some control again - well it ain't gona happen overnight... it takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work... It has nothing to do with something like "the body being happier at just voiding wherever and whenever".

Excuse me but I don't see how my statement and yours could possibly disagree. In fact what you said about the retraining process is exactly what everyone else (me included) is saying. Maybe I didn't explain myself correctly, but that was exactly what the "tunnel of problems, medical tests, etc" was all about.

What didn't seem very logic to me was that, after going for years in the direction of diapers 24/7/365 with all the consequences of the case, someone decides to invert the direction and go back where he was before starting with diapers, given that the retourn journey is all but pleasant and - as Diapered1964 pointed out - the results can be very far from the full continence.

But with that said it's obvious that anyone has the right to choose what's best for himself, and far from me the idea of changing peoples' minds.

[diapered1964]

To answer your question, simply staying one step ahead of the boss.

Question for you.

Have you ever tried to fake control of your bladder while it is hooked up to a electrical stimulation device which is designed to contract certain muscels within your bladder.

I doubt that no matter how well educated the person is who is hooked up to this device will know in which order the attend doctor is going to check which muscel or groups of muscels at whic wime during the tests.

If you would have taken the time to read the entire post you would have read that it has taken me 2 years to re-potty train myself to the point where I no longer have to wear diapers 24/7. And it is an on going struggle to gain complete control of both my bladder and bowels.