JessicaRyan

I am following the 12 month program and I am a month and a half in. I say that I am incontinent because that's my mind making it clear that this is forever. If I say it's so then it is so... You know - where focus goes energy flows...

You know what I mean?

I just really feel that there are a lot better things to do with one's time than having to waste any of it on peeing or pooping. If the body can take care of that automatically and I can wear a diaper so I don't mess everywhere I'll achieve a lot more in my life because I will ultimately have more time.

I actually worked it out - if you calculate the amount of time spent on a toilet every day and then work out how many days you have left in this life based on a life expectancy of say 90 (with modern medicine, technology and a healthy lifestyle this number is not far fetched at all) and subtract that from the time it takes to change a diaper, it all adds up to a lot of extra time. It's quite surprising how much.

What do you think? You are so much further on this path than me. What benefits have you found this path has brought about in your life?

You are doing very well for just over 6 weeks 24/7. I'm afraid I was still pushing at that stage and it took me a lot longer to just let it fall out naturally. Back then I was just starting to gain confidence in actually wearing a soiled diaper that I was less concerned about voiding naturally. I think it took me at least three or four months to get what the programme calls a genuine reflex BM!

I remember the programme saying to repeat to yourself from Day One, "I am Incontinent,"  but again I didn't have your level of self confidence at that stage. I gradually came out at first telling people I had an illness leaving me the option of recovery if I backed out.

Can I ask ,have you told people other than on the forum that you are IC? How did they react?

Its strange how people's minds work in different ways to help them achieve their goals. I'm interested in your comment that going in a diaper actually saves you time and that therefore helps justify your aim.

For me with my desire for humiliation and submission, I took the view that I was somehow disabling myself by becoming IC and it also would take me more time to change and clean myself in a toilet similar to how I imagine it is so much harder going to the toilet if you were disabled. For instance if I have to change a wet diaper it takes me on average 7 minutes in the toilet now whereas as a man just peeing would probably take two at most. Whereas changing a soiled diaper which I will do two or sometimes three times each day takes me 12 - 15 minutes depending on how messy I am. This makes me feel genuinely inconvenienced and disadvantaged compared to an able bodied person.

I used to hate carrying unnecessary bags etc with me when I went out. Now its 2nd Nature to carry my back pack with three diapers, disposal sacks, barrier cream, disposable gloves toilet rolls, wet wipes, anti-bacterial hand wipe and enough water to keep me hydrated. Its a genuine hindrance which I now love. I suppose its a little different for a woman who is used to carrying a handbag.

Anyway the journey continues, please do keep me informed of your progress.

Yes, I told my family a while back and a close friend of mine. Everyone was super supportive of my health issue. I feel bad that I can't just be straight forward with them though sometimes a white lie is for the benefit of others.

In terms of the time it takes to change, currently I am changing four or five times a day and it's getting quicker by the day. I compare this to how much time it would take to go to the loo each and every time I pee or poop and it's a big difference... Of course I am definitely voiding a lot more since following this program, which I see as healthy. In fact I don't think I have ever been healthier.

You are absolutely correct, carrying a handbag with a few supplies in is not an issue at all. Handbags are awesome!

Excellent conversation, I really enjoy speaking to you.