Hi Kathy,
I understand what you're going trough, been there....
From a psychological point of view I think the only way to put your mind at ease is to face your fear and try wearing a diaper and discover how it feels.
The matter of opportunity is something I can't advise you about, since I don't know about your family. In general though I would say that the only way to know, is to just try it, get it over with. So if you know you'll have the house to yourself for a few hours, just give in.
No one needs to find out if you plan ahead about disposal of your worn goods.
What you might try if you feel that diapers are just a step too far, is peeing your pants, or just your underwear (again when you know you have the house to yourself) to experience the sensation of letting go of your bladder. Yes, you'll end up soaking wet, but you can easily rinse out your pants/underwear or whatever you're wearing in the shower and put them in the laundry.
This is how I satisfied my curiosity about peeing my pants and wearing diapers and I was very relieved at the time. I will admit that it took me a while to come to grips with the fact that I love peeing my pants and wearing diapers, but it makes me happy and I've accepted myself for who I am.
I hope this helps you! If you feel the need to ask me about stuff, or just talk about it, please let me know....you're more than welcome!
Jazzy DL74