diaperpt

Thanks for sharing that!!! I love it! Now, this last chapter - I was loving the start of it. I laughed at this - it was cute and totally what Polly would feel and say. Amazing how we tend not to see what is obvious to others! That was so cute... But then Would a 16 yo say this? I don't think I was a 'normal' <no such thing> 16 yo, but I'd never have even understood that as a 16 yo I might not be in love as much as someone older. How many of us think like this? I identify with this a lot. Maybe not as much as before I understood myself being trans, but still some. There aren't many i'm willing to offend. And yet I never understood why anyone would like me or want to be a friend. Again, that's from before I understood myself, but it hasn't really gone away. So Sophie, is this you too? Or just a projection of how Madison would feel? I don't see it at all as just a Little feeling, but a matter of for whatever reason not having self confidence and not liking yourself as much as you should. Awwww... I love it! And I loved how well Jamie was able to explain loving someone through all the little annoying pieces. Love it, Love it, Love it!!!

LB, thanks for that. I had had the idea that the story was meant for you to be able to accept her being a little, but it was that you had accepted it but didn't understand it fully, at least in relation to Sophie. And now Sophie, was it that as a Little, you had trouble telling LB what you needed and so it was best to explain in the story or did you just feel the story was the best (or only) way to explain it? Does that question even make sense? Thanks for these insights, too!

Not at all. I found it all very interesting. But now I want to know how well the story went over with LB and if she felt it was a good introduction to Little behavior and to your own inner workings. Hey, you're putting it all out there... and the sharing has been very helpful for us in understanding you better.

Yes, YOU!! Ruin something ever so sweet! At the last minute! Don't. You. Dare!

Well, yes I am. But how did you know? Oh I loved this chapter. It's all bbykimmy said and more! Corny, schmaltzy, yes so so middle school (hmmm...kind of a cross between chronological age and Madison's Little age?), but sweet, romantic and also open, honest and oh so revealing. Soooo, you're a bad kisser, huh Sophie? Well, that's just I what I've heard. But beyond that, I'm really hoping you don't throw some twist in at the last minute to ruin all this. Pleeeeaaaasssssseeeee!

Wow! I hadn't read for about 3 chapters and I think I'm as impressed by the comments as I am with the story. Yeah, the story is the main thing and I'm so, so glad Jamie has been so persistent. I don't know how all of us are going to be able to hug Madison, but I just want to hug her as well. I can't relate as so many of the other readers can. I do agree we've all faced trauma of one sort or another. And I know from my own experience, even the effect of mild trauma can be huge. Not in cutting but in other life changing ways. I can't identify with the cutting as several others here do but reading their comments tugs on my heart. I started commenting on the one cutter I tried to help, but it's more important for the other readers here to tell their stories. Sophie, you were writing this story to help a friend understand the whole idea of being a Little and look what a profound effect you're having on so many! And I can't imagine that there's anyone with a heart that won't understand being Little just a bit more from this story.

I'm not sure that I breathed at all in the epilogues. I just got lost in the story. Beautiful. Without knowing what your bonus chapter might reveal, it doesn't really matter to me. These two might become lovers or they might just say good-bye and walk away from each other; it doesn't matter. While righteous condemnation of Adele isn't wrong, let's consider Bess' behavior from the start - why did she so viciously attack the Lolita Club except for the selfish motivations comparable to Adele's selfish motivations? No the two transgressions aren't equivalent, but they are both transgressions and unacceptable behavior. Now, both girls have sought therapy and are in a process of change. Well, I was a bit disappointed in that Adele seems to have a bit too much aggressiveness although she has clearly changed - and my disappointment is unreasonable - it's hard to set aside what you've been all your life. And there is a very basic, primal attraction between the two. Label, schmabel, Bess identifies herself as hetero but that doesn't mean she can't be attracted to a woman. Society - family burden us with all kinds of labels and so often they cling to us like ill-fitting clothes. Except it's easier to take off ill-fitting clothes. I don't care how someone else identifies and though I feel I've settled into an identity, I'm not afraid to be challenged in that identity by a potential romantic interest. Right now, I'm happy for both Adele and Bess. I've loved the story and you just know, I'll be back!

Honestly the best thing we've ever written. You've written so much great stuff I won't try to declare anything as good, better, best, but this was good! And... I love how the two are at least curbing their own defensive defaults and looking deep into themselves. The last paragraph contains a lot of questions but they certainly are important ones... that will take more introspection, vulnerability, lived experience and possible failure to answer. I figure the epilogues will tell us - at least whether there might eventually be answers to those questions. Even including the horribly abusive behavior on Adele's part, with which I am absolutely fine in a story format, I loved this story. So far. I shouldn't say that prematurely until I've read the epilogues!

How great that we're finally to the stage of "Little day"! Yeah, Madison is still embarrassed and may not totally understand it yet. Jamie is figuring out the puzzle, but while she now has a basic understanding, she's got more to learn. I'm so happy for the two of them though, that their relationship is building>>> ...no secret. I just like her. love it!!!

How is Bess going to get her head on straight and realize she's fallen for Adele? She's fighting it so hard and managing to think she hates Adele. No, I don't think Stockholm Syndrome at all. I think Adele, even in her cruelty and torture of Bess, hit on something within Bess. I think because of her family situation, she had to grow up too fast and so the baby treatment actually touched something deep inside her that she either can't see yet or doesn't want to acknowledge. Adele has figured out a lot, but she still has little to no idea how to convince Bess or even treat her decently. Both of them just keep alienating the other, when if they'd stop their bluster, they might just start figuring things out. Somehow the cycle of reactionary behavior needs to be broken between the two of them. Right now it feels like an explosion in an emotion factory.

I'm officially backing off my theory about an abusive dad. What kerry said makes sense. I also agree when kerry says that Madison may not herself understand what Jamie knows or doesn't know and at this point in the story, I really doubt that Madison has a solid grasp on the concept that she is a Little or even what a Little might be.

There is nothing wrong with a small, asthmatic turtle... UNLESS you're writing a story!!! Ooops... where did my patience go?

We'll see if this lasts, but it's like the whole experience has awakened the Little in Bess that she was pushing away with her inital tirade against the lolita club... she hated the idea of anyone being a Lolita as a defense; otherwise she'd have slid into it. Some of it was created - or maybe just brought out - during her captivity. Hmmm... I wonder if she might end up being grateful that all of this happened to her.

I tossed it in because it was a spare... So now the game will be pin the parts of Jamie and Madison on Sophie!

Jamie is being soooo careful! But she's definitely started down that rabbit hole! She's surprised Madison, but in the nicest possible way. Madison seems to be waiting for the other shoe to drop - it's all too wonderful for her to believe and she's afraid... maybe that Dad will come home from bowling??? ...but she's also very happy almost beyond what Jamie can read. And here comes the kiss, but more like a big sis kiss. I'm loving this story, especially how Jamie is working so hard to find a way in to the real Madison. Sophie, is it too much an assumption to be thinking that just as you just said how you see yourself in Jamie, there's a fair amount of you in Madison as well... at least the Little part?? You are the Little and the story is about helping someone else understand, so you're playing Jamie as well for the explanation part? It seems clear to me, but I often assume all the wrong things!!

Whoa! Bess! Not at all surprised that you went to the Lolita Club, since you feel guilt for it's (at least temporary) collapse even though outwardly you want to blame Adele - who does deserve that blame. But I'm blown away that you allowed yourself to go into Adele's room, actually go in that closet and wear something. Sure it's for your best friend and some for the sympathy you feel for Kanna, but that dress represents so much trauma for you. OK... you are sensitive about your size, putting the dress on makes you feel especially small... and it's driven to a great extent by "the hold my dad still had on me." So, somehow, we have to dig into that, understand it and let's its effect slip away. So, Kirk, where are you when we need you? Can you work wonders on the hold Bess's dad has on her? I really think that's the starting point and then from there, maybe she and Adele can be locked in a room...

I agree. It seems like she's describing that feeling without really understanding it herself. Well, I guess soon we'll be peering down that rabbit hole! I'm still really concerned for Madison's safety at home w bowler-man dad... cause I don't think many of us really think dad bowls at all...

What has come over Bess? I wouldn't consider it Stockholm Syndrome. It seems to me that in spite of the extreme treatment there were bits and pieces of that week spent at the Lolita Club that filled an unknown and unrecognized need in Bess. It seems like she's still processing that meeting with Adele at her apartment; I don't think either of them were at all prepared for the meeting, not much if anything was said that was their own truth and neither of them understood where any of it came from. Now for Beth to decide to go back into that club space - physically but with the risk of being there emotionally as well... WOW! Just WOW! I do think that slowly, some self understanding is developing and I can't wait to see what the end results are!

Oh, I certainly hope Dad doesn't come home and barge in on this! Not soon, at least. Jamie has gotten the message and won't let go of it, but Madison needs at least a little more time right now... I think. Unless the mean ole writers want to get really twisted... haha... they'd never do that, would they?? Oh, sure it was obvious that Madison is a Little, but she is in incredibly deep denial because she has to be in order to rationalize her father's (maybe mom's too, if she exists...) behavior. Hey, I was in denial for over 60 years and I feel it was to rationalize parental reactions and behavior I don't even remember. But then, not remembering is part of the denial; a protection from the cognitive dissonance by the subconscious. So, mean ole writers... twisted mean writers... do your thing and we'll all be hanging here waiting.

I don't think Bess knows why she was there, whether she'll go see Adele and is she were to go, what would happen. But YourFNF said where Bess may be right now. She feels she was in her own personal train wreck (which is actually mildly putting it) and now she's looking at the Lolita Club and realize how big the whole train wreck really was.

I know it will develop as it will. I simply felt a need (my own need) to respond, but I didn't really have anything intelligent to say!

Oh gosh... this was as clear as... no, not clear at all... but this is what you do to us poor readers... Well, I know several people will be responding soon with all kinds of wisdom that's just flat escaping me! Being confused doesn't at all mean I'm not liking the story, though.

Well, all the obvious... and the inverse obvious... has been said. Or maybe Dad is a really sweet guy and bellowed out his initial "greeting" because he's always so nice to Madison. And already, as Jamie talked about the way Madison dresses, I wasn't thinking "Oh, she's being modest because her Dad is so nice to her." At least we've gotten a start on why Madison is so Madison.

Ashamaness, you do know you're far from the only trans reader here, don't you? Not just the site, but fans of Sophie and Pudding as well as several other writers. I've only been living authentically for a bit over 3 years... and at a very 'advanced' age. I've been here (DD) for a LONG time and I had been into diapers for a longer time. It'll be 4 years in just a few days since I finally admitted to myself that I'm trans. The reason I say all this is that early on my gender therapist suggested that my interest in diapers was spurred by me wanting to go back in time 'to do it right'... I had convinced myself that I was incontinent and was wearing full time until shortly after my transition began, when I 'decided' to try not wearing. Even so, there is a Little side to me and I love the stories. Every once in a while, I feel the need and dig into my diaper stash and indulge myself. I don't understand myself fully and while I've told a very few of my friends about my "diaper side", I'm no longer ashamed of it at all. We're all different; we're trans in different ways and we're interested in diapers in different ways and for different reasons. I've found that trying to explain my trans-ness is of interest to some, but is not a basis for acceptance or rejection. Acceptance or rejection is based on emotion, not logic. Basically we're trans because we were born that way. We need to live authentically because most of us could not live otherwise. So with all of that said, welcome to DD!!

There just isn't anything I could possibly add to the back and forth banter. Two excellent chapters and things may not be perfectly clear, but they aren't as muddy as they had been!