Shy-Diapers

Lani carefully took her hands off her ears as Tom spoke to her. She was relieved when it seemed there wouldn’t be more loud noises. She nodded. “I liked it a lot.” She said with a smile. She wasn’t really sure what Tom meant by it being for sixth graders, she was going into third grade. She seemed satisfied by the response he gave about the library and it eased her mind for now. Her eyes lit up when he handed her the book. She smiled and held it close to her chest after reading the back. She’d never seen or heard of the book before but was always excited for new series. She looked up at him as they headed into the kitchen. She held the book close and seemed to be considerably more relaxed compared to when she first got to the house. Charlotte kneeled down in front of her daughter. “He’s downstairs. I ran up here because we were worried you were hurt.” She frowned. “Are you okay? What caused that loud sound?” “You know we don’t mind you playing and making noise.” She reminded gently. “But you need to be safe and if something loud crashes you need to tell us you’re okay. We worry about you and care about your safety.”

Lani looked up when Tom took the book out of her hands. She tried not to frown. Even if it was easy, she really enjoyed books. She let out a surprised giggle when he jostled her, she was relaxing around him more and more. She nodded, forgetting to be humble for a moment. “It’s easy.” She confirmed, looking up at Tom, though she avoided eye contact. “Bridge to Terrebithia.” She answered quickly and excitedly. “The school librarian let me borrow it to read during the summer!” She said happily. Her happiness turned to a frown though. She got worried. “It’s at home with mommy. I didn’t grab it…” She said anxiously. “I’m ‘sposed to return it when school starts.” She continued, starting to ramble as her mind raced. “If I don’t return it I won’t be allowed to check any more out! I was ‘sposed to be careful with library books.” Her rambling was cut short when she visibly jumped and covered her ears, absolutely hating the loud sound. She looked around anxiously, trying to find the source. “I think she’s in her room.” Charlotte said as she stood up. “I’m going to go check on her.” She hurried upstairs and into Jessica’s room, looking around. “Jessica? Are you okay? We heard a loud crash.”

Lani looked the book over and nodded. “I read it at school before.” She recalled. She couldn’t remember her mother reading it to her, but she couldn’t remember her mother reading much to her in the first place. She didn’t know if Tom was expecting her to read the book to him or what. It was a very simple and easy book, so she didn’t really find it entertaining. She wanted to tell Tom that she read chapter books and didn’t really read books with pictures anymore, but she didn’t want to be rude and her mother would’ve told her she was being arrogant. She didn’t want to be bad around these nice people.

Charlotte nodded. “That sounds like a good idea.” Lani was a bit surprised by how big and nice their house seemed. Her own house was much smaller and rundown, and the foster homes she went to were much more crowded. She looked around in awe, trying to take everything in. She nodded quickly and seemed excited by the large selection of books on the shelf. “I read all the time!” She said sounding cheerful for the first time since meeting them. Charlotte smiled and squatted down next to Lani and Tom. “What kind of books do you like to read?” She asked cheerfully, hoping to make conversation with the little girl. Lani however, didn’t respond to Charlotte. She stared at her feet and shrugged, fidgeting in place a bit. “I dunno.” She mumbled, not wanting to be disrespectful and not answer, but clearly not wanting to talk to Charlotte. Charlotte frowned and looked over at her husband, having not expected this whatsoever.

Lani didn’t protest or even say anything for that matter when Tom got her out of the car. She was surprised that he was carrying her, she couldn’t remember the last time her mother carried her back at home. She felt guilty that Jessica didn’t want her in her home. She didn’t want to cause trouble in the new house, even if she didn’t think they’d keep her. Charlotte sighed and looked at Tom when she saw Jessica pouting. She put on a smile though, not wanting to upset Lani. “So, where should we start?” She asked her husband.

Charlotte had finished her food and just hoped that things would go as smoothly as possible. Lani had finished the rest of her food quite quickly and had been long finished by the time Tom started driving again. She still had the few nuggets in her pocket just in case, but she knew that nobody saw her hide them. When they got home, Charlotte took a deep breath. She went around and got Jessica out of the car. “Why don’t you go play? Daddy and I are going to show Lani around the house a little bit. Or you can join us.” She said as they headed inside. Lani stayed still and silent when they arrived at the house. She was still holding onto her dirty backpack in her lap. She didn’t want to get in trouble by trying to get out of the car without permission, plus it’s not like she could do it anyway.

Charlotte nodded. “I at least want to have her leave in better shape than when she arrived.” She agreed. ”I think that’s fair. I just hope we can do something right for the poor thing. But you’re right, I don’t want Jessica to be worse off just so we can help Lani.” She agreed. She wasn’t sure what she hoped for at this point. She didn’t know if keeping her or sending her back would be better right now.

“I know she’s not that much younger. But I don’t know what’s best for her.” Charlotte sighed. “We’ll definitely have to teach her not to steal and how to behave, but she doesn’t seem bad so far. Maria said she bullies other kids but she seems skittish if anything.” She shook her head and thought to herself. “I don’t want to send her back so soon, but maybe we’re not the best fit for her after all.” She said to her husband, starting to doubt their decision to foster Lani. Lani frowned and stared at her lap. She felt like a burden already and wondered how long she’d last here before they sent her back. She did her best to stay still but couldn’t help but fidget in place.

Charlotte frowned. “I don’t know. I’m not sure what’s best honestly. I know I’m around kids more than you, but not younger than Jessica.” She explained with a sigh. “It doesn’t say why or what she’s stolen. But I mean how dangerous can a child so small be?” She said, not entirely convinced the little girl was actually a thief. ”Jessica, you don’t get to just ask Daddy if you don’t like my answer. We’re a team.” She scolded lightly. “I know you’re upset but it’ll be okay. You’ll be back at gymnastics in a few days.” Lani tried not to pay attention to Jessica getting upset and then scolded. She didn’t want to be accused of being nosy. She felt bad that she just showed up and was already causing problems for the family.

“We can ask her if she knows how.” Charlotte suggested. “Maybe she didn’t have a chance to bathe at the other foster homes.” She thought aloud. ”We should go shopping tomorrow if that’s the case. Even if she does have decent clothes in there, that’s not many. Push comes to shove she can borrow something of Jessica’s for the time being.” She looked at the small girl in the rear view mirror and frowned a bit. The poor girl had seemingly gone through a lot in the past week. “I don’t know if you’re going to be going to gymnastics tomorrow.” She said when she heard her daughter talking. “We want to spend time together this weekend getting to know Lani and letting her get adjusted to our house. You can go back next time.”

Lani happily started eating her food as soon as it seemed like she was allowed. She paused after eating most of her chicken and when it seemed like nobody was looking, she put a few of them into a pocket in her overalls. She was scared she wouldn’t get anything to eat later so she wanted to have something just in case. She scarfed down her fries and her shake as well. She grimaced at the texture of her apple pie, she didn’t like the taste either, but she wasn’t going to complain and pass up the opportunity to eat something. After all, she had no idea the next time she’d have food available. Charlotte nodded with a frown. “I noticed that too.” She said in the same low tone as Tom. “I’ll give her a day or two to hopefully get used to us before I try. Obviously I’d prefer sooner rather than later, but I don’t want to scare the poor thing.”

Lani nodded at Tom when he told her to tell them if she needed anything. She didn’t plan on doing that, but she wasn’t about to say that to him. She didn’t need help. She was used to doing everything on her own. Charlotte had climbed into the passenger seat and sighed. She was starting worry about the girls. She tried to push the negative thoughts out of her mind though. “That sounds like a good idea. The sooner we get back home the better.” Lani occasionally glanced over at Jessica in the car but she didn’t say anything. Her mind was racing and she was worried. She held her beat up backpack on her lap and stared out the window for most of the drive. At least she’d be getting to eat something. The small girl hadn’t been given breakfast so she was starving.

“We will work on it. I promise.” Charlotte assured Jessica. “I’m sure it’ll get better after she’s been here for a while.” She said gently. She shook her head. “Showing her off isn’t why she’s here.” She explained with a sigh. “Her mom is having trouble taking care of her so she needs a safe place to stay.” She hoped that her words would get her daughter to be a little empathetic. Lani was surprised by Tom’s comfort and kindness. She didn’t know how he knew she was scared and anxious about Jessica, but he clearly did. In addition to noticing, he also tried to comfort and make her feel better. She wasn’t used to that. ”Oh.” She said quietly, thinking she said the wrong thing. She panicked internally for a moment when faced with a choice. She didn’t want to say something wrong and get in trouble. “Um, chicken please.” She said after a moment. She made sure to be as polite as she could when responding to him. Her car seat went in without issue. It was one that used the normal belt to buckle the child in. She got into the car independently, but was struggling to buckle herself in, fighting with the seatbelt.

Charlotte sighed. “We never promised you a baby sister. We tried to get someone younger but Leilani needed a place to stay.” She corrected gently. “Take a deep breath for me please.” She requested gently. “It’s not nice to call someone a brat. She might not know any better. Some people don’t teach their children manners the same way.” She started taking deep breaths to model to Jessica in hopes she’d calm down. Lani was surprised when they stopped but didn’t question it. She figured she was going to get in trouble for upsetting the other girl. That happened at a different foster home and they sent her back. She looked up at Tom and nodded. “I’ll eat anything.” She said truthfully. She was so used to not having consistent and reliable access to food that even foods she hated she’d still eat. She’d rather eat disgusting food than not eat anything at all. She also knew that if she didn’t make a fuss about food it made grown ups happier.

“You still need to be nice.” Charlotte said. “Take a deep breath and try to calm down.” She walked Jessica back out to the car and tried to help her calm down. “I know it’s hard, but you have to be the big sister. She’s not used to any of us or our rules.” Maria handed a car seat off to Tom for the small girl and waved as they walked out. She hoped this family would work, but had doubts already. Lani looked down at her feet when Jessica got scolded. She felt bad about that and wondered how much trouble the older girl would be in later. She didn’t move an inch until Tom directed her towards the car.

Lani nodded and obediently followed Tom. She didn’t say much but did whatever he told her to. He was being so nice to her and it made her kind of happy. She wasn’t used to someone wanting to take care of her. She of course heard him say he wasn’t completely on board, but his actions gave her hope. She tried to tune out Jessica calling her a brat, but she just couldn’t. “Don’t call me that!” She protested with a scowl. She didn’t like this bigger girl one bit. She was nosy and now calling her names! Charlotte smiled. “Are we thinking McDonald’s or somewhere a little nicer?” She asked her husband. She frowned and shook her head when she heard her daughter. “Jessica! That’s not kind. You know better than to call people names.” She scolded.

Leilani looked up at Tom nervously. She hoped deep down this family would be different than her other foster homes, but she kind of doubted it. She had hoped that for the previous seven homes, but they all didn’t want her. She wasn’t thrilled with him calling her Jessica’s sister, because she wasn’t. She didn’t want to say anything though, being too worried about being sent back. She was fine standing up to Jessica, but adults were a whole different territory. She nodded and obediently stepped forward to Tom. She put her hand out to shake his hand, mimicking what she’d seen adults do whenever they met, and trying to be well behaved and mature like her mother said. “I’m Lani.” She said nervously. She fidgeted in place and rubbed the strap on her backpack repeatedly, trying to calm herself down. The small girl was a pitiful sight. Her hair was clearly not brushed despite being forced into a ponytail, her shoes were falling apart, her clothes looked dingy and worn, and if close enough, Lani smelled a bit. Charlotte turned to Jessica and gently shushed her. “She’s almost eight honey.” She answered before starting to explain. “We said you’d be getting a sister, and we hoped for someone no older than five. But Leilani needs a place to live until her mom gets better. Be nice to her, she’s probably scared and confused.”

Charlotte knelt down in front of Leilani once she finished talking with Maria. “Hi there Leilani, I’m Charlotte, this is my husband Tom, and this is our daughter Jessica. Jessica is ten, so she’s a bit older than you.” Her voice was sweet and kind, happy to finally have another child in the house. Leilani stepped backward from Charlotte just a tad. She was hesitant of this new woman. What was going to stop her from getting rid of her like all the other foster homes? She fidgeted with her dingy and tattered backpack behind her back, looking between the three new family members. She was scared but she couldn’t let it show. She noticed Jessica’s fists and was preparing for if she got violent. Charlotte looked up at Tom and nudged him to introduce himself to the child. She grabbed Jessica’s hand and smiled. “We’re ready to go then aren’t we?”

Charlotte continued talking with Maria for a little longer, confirming and asking questions about Leilani, her school, and her mother. She was too focused to notice Jessica at the moment. Leilani swallowed hard. The bigger girl was intimidating, but she had to prove she was brave. “None of your business!” She said as confidently as she could muster. She didn’t appreciate how Jessica was hovering over her and demanding answers. She had to show that she wasn’t going to tolerate that.

“No no no.” Maria shook her head. “She’ll be fine with a proper diet and access to food. She was removed from her mother’s care due to neglect. Her mother has been incapable of properly caring for her for an unknown period of time. She also didn’t have much money so Leilani didn’t always have enough to eat.” She took a deep breath when Tom asked if she was dangerous. “Well, she was removed from her mother’s care about a week ago now. She’s been bounced around between homes and nobody has wanted to keep her. She has some, well, behavioral issues.” She said, starting to trail off. “I haven’t witnessed anything personally but according to her records from school and from the other foster homes, she has a history of stealing, and has gotten in trouble for bullying other kids at school.” Charlotte shook her head. “We discussed this Tom.” She insisted before turning back to Maria, smiling. “That’s all okay. We still want her. And we’re happy to keep communication open between her and her mother when the time comes.” She was too focused on the conversation at hand to notice that Jessica had let go. Leilani took a nervous step backwards from the bigger girl in front of her. She didn’t know why she was so close and she was already scared and on edge. She could tell Jessica was mumbling to herself but couldn’t understand anything specifically.

Charlotte climbed out of the car with her bag on her shoulder and smiled. She had worn some navy fitted dress pants and a pale pink blouse with red embroidered flowers on the shoulders. She held Jessica’s hand while they walked into the office. She was both nervous and extremely excited. When they stepped into Maria’s office after turning down a few corners, she smiled and shook the woman’s hand. ”Hi, I’m Charlotte, this is my husband Tom, and our daughter Jessica.” She introduced her family, still smiling ear to ear. Maria smiled and shook the hands of the adults. “It’s nice to meet you, we spoke on the phone. My name is Maria.” She said with a nod. She gestured to the small girl across from her desk. “That’s Leilani. And just to be absolutely sure, you’ve looked over her file and you definitely want to take her in?” She asked hopefully. “In all honesty, you’re her last hope before she goes to a group home.” Leilani looked up at the seemingly perfect family that walked in. They all seemed so well dressed and nice. In her mind they looked exactly like the kind of family you’d see on TV. She hung her head when she heard Maria start to talk about her and though she tried not to, she couldn’t help but fidget a bit in her seat. What if they don’t want me? What if I do something bad? What if one doesn’t like me? Is the girl nice? Her mind was raving with a million questions and fears as she stared silently at her lap. Charlotte smiled and nodded. “Yes, we definitely want her.” She confirmed quickly. “But she’s awfully tiny. I thought she was eight? Did I misread?” She started to pull Leilani’s file out of her bag before Maria stopped her. Maria shook her head. “She’ll be eight in one week. She’s small for her age, possible due to malnutrition.” She pointed to the floor next to her and spoke to the small girl. “Leilani come here.” She said in a stern voice. Leilani was shaken from her trance and she quickly stood up and hurried to stand next to Maria. She looked down at her feet as the adults talked about her. She was trying so hard to stay still. On a good day that was a difficult task for the girl, let alone when she was scared and anxious, plus her sneakers were at least two sizes too small and were hurting her feet.

Charlotte smiled. She had a short blonde bob with greyish blue eyes. She had wanted to be a mother ever since she was a small child. She was thrilled when she got pregnant with Jessica 10 years ago, and always wanted to give her a sibling. She found it difficult to get pregnant again after Jessica though so they turned to adoption and then foster care. ”I have everything right here.” She confirmed, patting her tote bag with a smile. “Jessica, I know you’re excited but we need you to be on your best behavior when we go inside. Daddy and I will probably need to talk to the social worker and your new sister so please be good.” She reminded her daughter gently. She was never very good at being strict unless she absolutely had to, but she wanted the meeting of their new foster daughter to go smoothly. Inside the large building in front of the family was the county’s social services office. It was small and mostly just a few offices, no real place to keep children long term. Leilani sat on a chair in the view of her caseworker, Maria, not being allowed to leave without permission. She was given a piece of paper and a pencil, though she didn’t enjoy having to keep still for so long. The small girl was seven years old, set to turn eight in exactly one week. Her dark brown nearly black hair was pulled back into a crude ponytail, clearly still tangled and not well taken care of. She had on some dingy denim overalls and a blue Tshirt, both of which looked old and not quite the right size for her, despite being small for her age and looking more like a six year old. Her medium brown skin was pale and dirty. Occasionally glancing up at Maria, Leilani kept her head down and scribbled on the paper in front of her, doing her best to sit still, though she wasn’t very successful and was quite squirmy. She’d been removed from her mother’s care a week ago now and had been bounced around a few foster homes but nobody wanted to keep her once they learned of her file. Supposedly there was another family coming to get her today, but Leilani knew inside that it wouldn’t be different. She worried what these new people would be like. She missed her mother greatly and still didn’t quite understand why she couldn’t go home, having only been told that her mother couldn’t care for her properly. Everyone always phrased it as if it was Leilani’s fault and bad behavior that caused her to get taken away. Her mother did warn her before that how she behaved could get her taken, though she never meant to misbehave. She glanced at the digital clock on Maria’s desk, she said the family would be here around 11:30 or so, and that meant they’d be there any minute now.

Katherine frowned. “You know I don’t have too much knowledge on little kids.” She reminded her husband. She did her best to try to think about why Alice would be so anxious. “It was really busy.” She thought aloud, wondering if that was the reason. “She did say she’d never been to the zoo. Maybe there were just too many people. The bat exhibit was pretty empty.” ”Why was she cleaning the tub?” She asked with a sigh. “I honestly don’t know what’s going on in her mind anymore.” “Richard relax.” She insisted with a sigh. “You haven’t been around the kids that much before now. She’s been here less than a week, of course she’s having a hard time.” She didn’t think any of the behaviors she saw in Alice were harmful or concerning, though she hadn’t spent much time with her yet. ”What's Samantha doing that makes you think she’s slipping? I thought she was actually improving.” She asked in confusion. “What do you suggest we do? Send Alice back?”

Alice didn’t stir when Richard tucked her in. She was so exhausted from the day she’d had. She curled up with her blanket and dinosaur in her arms and slept peacefully. Katherine frowned sympathetically. “Poor thing.” She shook her head. “Why was she so upset earlier anyway? You said she needed clean clothes so I assume something happened, but did something else happen?”

Alice looked up at Richard with teary eyes. She’d never been told it was okay to have bad days. Even before her mom got mean she was strict and not the most affectionate person once she grew out of toddlerhood. She sniffled and tried to wipe her tears away as she nodded. She was used to being told that bad days were her fault. She nodded when Richard had changed her and put her on the bed. “Too old to nap.” She mumbled as she picked her dinosaur back up and clung to her blanket. She leaned against him and in under five minutes she was fast asleep. It only took a few long blinks now that she was more comfortable before her body gave in and the little girl’s body relaxed.