Ishigreensa

James smiled. "Then I'll check your pants, too, honey." He patted her arm. "Go ahead and start checking though." He tried the shirts on his little Ru-chan. *These are good fits,* he told her. *So, look here. This is the size you are looking for. You have S M and L in Japan, too. Just look for this.* He took her out of their little space and waited for Liz to show him. He checked her fit carefully, and then smiled. "Does any of it feel too tight or anything? We can go back, honey. Maybe after we finish with Ru-chan though. We don't want to scare her into thinking we are done looking at stuff for her." James smiled at both of their faces, hoping they were happy as they shopped probably for the first time in years for Liz, and Ru-chan certainly couldn't have been in a store in the last six months.

I recognize that many of the littles on this forum might not be religious or Christian. I am showing a lot of ways that this particular cast of characters are Christian and one little girl in particular believes God is talking to her. I want you to understand, I don't mean to offend anyone whether Christian or not, but this is how I see some Christians and their belief in what God can do. Now, I am loosely Christian, meaning I believe in Jesus Christ and in the atonement and all of that, but I am not currently going to any church, and I have felt recently that churches are a bit selfish, at least at the higher levels. That doesn't mean that I don't believe that they think they are trying to do good, but sometimes, human pride and human doings can get in the way of the vision God has for all of us. I am not here to argue what God will or will not do for us, or can or cannot do. I'm just telling my story. But as it has started to include God a bit more in it, I thought it important that I feel you can still get a lot out of the story, if you take it as intended, that this is just one child's believe in what God can do and who he is, and the struggle that others have around accepting everything she thinks is happening. Chapter Twelve God Help Us? I squeezed my legs together in the car as we drove away from the church, wondering if the teachers would understand and if Susan would still be my friend after finding out how sick I was. I wondered if anyone would think it was my fault. The sick is supposed to be against bad people. Am I bad? We came in the house, and Auntie had my hand and she had Theodore’s hand. Auntie looked sternly at Vanessa for a few moments before saying “Go to your new room and wait for me there.” Then Auntie led me to the living room. “Jason, please get me one of Corinna’s diapers from my room and my gloves for me.” I laid on the floor, sort of sad that I asked for Van-van to potty her pants. I thought she wasn’t in trouble. I looked up at Auntie Jenny wondering how I could help Vanessa, and how much trouble she was in. Auntie wasn’t very happy with her. “I… I thought she wasn’t going to get in trouble,” I whispered up at Auntie Jenny. “She’s not in trouble,” Auntie sighed. “I’m not mad about her having an accident. I just need to talk to her.” “But you’re not happy,” I insisted. “No. I’m not happy, but it has nothing to do with her pooping her pants.” “Oh.” Jason came back in the living room with diaper, the gloves, and a bag with other stuff in it like baby powder. “Jason, take Theo-the outside and tend to the animals. Corinna will join you in a few minutes.” “Yes, ma’am.” Auntie put her gloves on, and before I knew it, I was in a clean diaper and a pair of jeans being encouraged to go outside while she started up towards Vanessa’s room that she now shared with the boys. “You shouldn’t have encouraged Vanessa to poop her pants at church,” Jason told me when I caught up to him milking a cow with Theo-the playing with a calf nearby. “Auntie is probably yelling at her that she should have held it until primary time.” “Auntie said she wasn’t in trouble for that, though,” I looked up at him feeling my eyes itch with water in them. “Even if she’s not in trouble for that, it definitely didn’t help Auntie’s mood for whatever she is in trouble for.” I looked down. “But Vanessa was having a really hard time. I don’t understand why she isn’t supposed to be a baby at church if Auntie is training her to be a baby all the other rest of the time!” Jason sighed. “She’s not supposed to be a baby. The only baby right now, is you, Corinna. YOU are allowed to poop your pants, and would be even if you weren’t sick with whatever that new thing is.” “But Auntie lets her pee her pants at home,” I frowned at Jason. “No, Corinna. She lets her wet the bed, and she doesn’t hit for it, but she does scold her for wetting in the daytime. She’s not a baby.” “But…, I thought the other boy was sent away because he wasn’t a baby.” “Carl didn’t leave because he wasn’t a baby,” Jason corrected me. “He left because he picked picked on you for being a baby, and because he was mean when Vanessa peed the bed. And to be clear, I don’t think Auntie was telling him to leave to be mean or to punish him. She just didn’t think he was happy here.” I frowned. “But other places are worse than this place. You said so.” “...And Carl will find out that that is true. He didn’t like it here, but I’m sure wherever he went, he is wishing he was back here by now.” I looked down. “You like it here?” “Of course I do. Auntie is crazy, but I don’t get it with a belt, … at all. She can be weird about rules and stuff, but I get plenty to eat. I have a nice bed to sleep in, and we have time to play and be kids. This is probably the best you’ll ever have it in the system.” I looked down. “Okay.” “Hey, please don’t get sad. Auntie cares about us, and even though she had to let Carl go, she does care about him. I don’t even know if she understands how bad most people are. If she did, she probably wouldn’t have sent him away. But she couldn’t have him being mean to you and Vanessa all the time, could she?” “No?” I said my voice really small because I didn’t have any real conviction in her reasons right now. The truth was, I wasn’t a baby, and I was confused on whether Vanessa was a baby and if even Theodore was supposed to be a baby. It was like she wanted them to need to be handled and changed like one all the time, but she didn’t want them to embarrass her like a baby would sometimes do, and have an accident in public, too. I mean… how do you just pee your pants at home, and not have problems somewhere else? “Auntie said I’m not allowed to pull my diaper down anywhere, and I wasn’t allowed to sit on toilets,” I told Jason. “So… how do I not poop my pants at public? It’s not like, especially at school, I can suddenly tell my body not to have to use the restroom.” “Corinna,” Jason sighed. “Auntie told you to go potty in your pants all the time.” “Actually, she just said no toilet to me. She told Vanessa that she can’t go in church, but she wasn’t supposed to wet in the seat, either.” “Corinna, Vanessa was told to pee at home, and even allowed to wet her pants if she needed to. The first meeting in church is only ninety minutes, and then after that, we are allowed to ask the primary teacher to go after that.” I shook my head. “I don’t think Auntie Jenny knows if we are asking to go in Primary, and I doubt she’d say we are allowed. She takes Church very serious.” Jason sighed. “She does take church serious, but we are allowed to go when we go to Primary, and she doesn’t ask the Primary teachers if we went or not, so even if she wouldn’t be happy if she caught us going, it’s not like she’ll catch us. She doesn’t leave her own seat during the meetings, so I’m pretty sure she doesn’t care if we ask as long as it’s not in front of her where she’d be embarrassed to have to explain our actions.” “But she said Vanessa wasn’t in trouble for pooping her pants?” “If she said she’s not in trouble for that, then she’s probably having a talk with Vanessa about something else.” We had moved on by this time, from him milking the cow to checking on the horses. “Look, the best way to stay out of trouble,” Jason told me. “...is to do what Auntie tells you to do, and right now, she wants you to be a baby and she doesn’t want you using the toilet for any reason because somehow your sick can spread on the toilet…?” “Yeah. That doesn’t make sense,” I whispered up at him. “I know sick can spread if you breathe the same air, but if it were like that, then you’d already be sick from me. I know sick can spread sometimes if you get too close, somehow, but we get pretty close, and you are not sick. And I know that blood and probably pee can make you sick, but if pee does in the toilet, and you don’t touch me if I’m bleeding, then you should be safe. So… why does it matter if I sit on the toilet?” Jason shrugged. “You’re sick because your mommy is sick. Did she pee on you or make blood on you?” “No? I mean, how would a grown up pee on me anyway? They never pee the bed or anything like that.” “But you are sick,” Jason told me. “I don’t know how it works. I just know that Auntie thinks you are sick from your mom, somehow, and she is trying to keep us all safe, so just do what she says. We don’t have to understand everything.” I frowned. “But I don’t even think I’m sick.” “Even if you don’t think you are sick, you need to listen to Auntie so you don’t get others sick.” “No. I mean, I don’t think mommy was even sick before she went to the hospital. I think she got the sick at the hospital.” “Corinna, that doesn’t even make any sense. Hospitals are supposed to make you healthy, not sick. How would you even know if the hospital is the place she got sick at?” I hung my head. He’d probably laugh at me if I told him God showed me. “I don’t know. I just know.” He shook his head. “We would love to believe our parents are perfect,” he sighed. “I mean, I don’t know a lot about my own. It’s been so long. But I like to think they were kind people.” “I… I know. But this isn’t just about how I think about my mama,” I whispered. “It’s something else.” He shook his head. “Well, if you can’t logically explain why you are sure your mom got sick at the hospital, then it really is just you wanting it to be true because that means your mommy isn’t a bad person.” “But… she’s not!” I pouted. “I’m sure she’s not that bad,” Jason agreed though I wasn’t sure if he was humoring me. “I’m just saying people make mistakes sometimes.” I shrugged. I was getting nowhere with him, and it was starting to make me upset, so I decided I didn’t want to talk about it anymore with him. “What’s next to be done?” “We have to muck the stalls.” “I’ll get started on that.” I was okay starting to muck the stalls on my own. I was angry, and the heavy labor gave me something to take my anger out on without hurting anyone. Jason’s words were hurtful, but they were what we were all learning about the sick I had. He wasn’t saying anything he said with malice. He was actually trying to talk to me calmly, and sat as close to me as he dared considering Auntie told them not to touch me at all. I was only just started though, when Vanessa came over and smiled at me. She was wearing her farming overalls. “You’re not in trouble?” I asked her. “No. Auntie just needed to talk to me about something else she noticed.” “Oh. It’s not bad, is it?” “Not exactly. I hadn’t been feeling well the last few days but I was scared to tell Auntie in case you accidentally got me sick.” “Oh,” I looked down wondering if I was being blamed for that. “Well, when Auntie noticed the stuff I had to change out of at the toddler room, she told me that she was a little disappointed I had pooped my pants, but what she wanted to talk to me about, though, was that there was something else in the clothes.” “You peed?” I asked. “Well, no…, not that. I mean, I always pee when I poop. But she saw something else.” I looked at her afraid that she was sick, then for real. “I… I was scared you caused it. No one ever explained it before.” “Oh. I’m sorry,” I blushed with a soft whisper. “No. You didn’t get me sick,” Vanessa blushed now. “I… I started to do stuff, that… um… little girls start doing just before they start growing up. I… I bled in my panties. It wasn’t the first time, and after Auntie talked to me, she said it was okay and natural. I need stuff now though to help others not notice and to keep it private.” “Oh, my mama talked about that with me recent before she went to the hospital,” I told Vanessa. “She said that I start growing in some ways that make me proud to be a girl and other ways that can feel embarrassing. She told me about it when I asked when I’d get… um… peaks like she has.” Vanessa blushed. “Oh. Well, I was starting to wonder about that, too.” “Well, it’s not the same as peeing,” I told Vanessa. “Mama said even she has to wear these things for it because it is not something you have muscles to stop. It comes from a place where you are supposed to have babies from.” Vanessa frowned. “But it doesn’t make you pregnant?” “No. Mama said it’s more complicated than that to get pregnant, and that I’m too young to worry about that stuff right now, so she didn’t tell me any details. But I do know it takes a boy being there.” “Yeah. I always thought a boy had to be present, too.” “So how come you got your cycles already?” I asked her. “My mama said I probably wouldn’t start until I was thirteen with that, but she had heard some start at eleven.” “I don’t know,” Vanessa blushed. “But even Aunt Jenny said I need to keep this private and not even tell my best friends for a couple of years.” “My mama said when it happens to me, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We just keep it private from boys, but she couldn’t really tell me why other than it might embarrass them more than it does us. I don’t really understand since it’s not their body doing it, but that’s what she said.” Vanessa smiled. “I’m glad you aren’t grossed out.” I shrugged. “I’m a girl and mama already talked to me about it. I’m just surprised it already happened with you. Mama thought it happens at earliest, if you are eleven years old.” “Well, I am almost ten…,” Vanessa said trying to make it sound a little more normal probably. “Yeah. Don’t worry though. I won’t say anything at school. It’s your private matter, so only you have to worry about saying that. And remember, I have something more scary to have to hide at school and at church. Oh… did the ladies find out then, the ones that changed you?” “Yeah. That’s why Auntie had to talk to me. She wasn’t happy I pooped my pants, but she didn’t yell at me for it. She said she was the one that gave me permission, so it was her fault, too. She just wished she’d known I was doing this, because then she would have said no, since it would get my private issues known.” I looked down. “I’m sorry, then. I guess that makes it my fault.” “Don’t worry about it, Corinna. I mean, I was scared I got what you got, and was afraid I did something I wasn’t supposed to. I mean, we didn’t so much as hold hands since we were told not to touch you, so if no one else was sick, then it must have been because I was bad… if I had your sick, but I couldn’t remember what bad thing I did.” I frowned. “I’m sorry you thought you were bleeding because of me. I would have told you though, if you talked to me about your fear.” “I was scared to. I mean, Jason and Auntie were watching me like crazy since we found out you were sick. It was like they were afraid I’d try to get too close to you because you are the only other girl child to play with here, so… they kept watch to make sure we weren’t alone.” I frowned. “It’s not like I’d have let you touch me anyway. Auntie Jenny told me that it was dangerous to let you touch me.” Vanessa frowned. “You don’t look sick, though, honestly.” “I… I can’t let anyone see us holding hands anyway because I don’t want to get anyone in any trouble, but… I think… I think God told me that mama didn’t go to the hospital sick.” Vanessa blinked at me. “God told you?” “Yeah. He showed me that mama got sick in the hospital. They had to give her blood because she got shot or something. But the blood they gave her had the sick in it. So, I wasn’t with mama enough to have gotten sick from her.” “You visited her. Did she touch you?” I nodded and looked down at my shoes. “But why would God care to show me how mama really got sick, if a quick hug was enough to get me sick?” “I don’t know, Corinna. It’s also possible it was just a dream you had because you wanted to explain to yourself that your mama isn’t bad.” “My mama isn’t bad,” I felt the tears in my eyes again. “I didn’t mean to say she was,” Vanessa quickly said reaching out at me, but I recoiled. Not because I was mad at her even if I was a little bit at the insinuation of what she had said, but because even if I was mad at her, I didn’t want to take a chance she could get sick. Vanessa lowered her head. “I just meant… even if she was a good person, everyone says the disease is for bad people, right? So you want to justify that your good mama got it some other way… a way you would know in your heart is not being bad.” I softened at bit at her trailing explanation, but I still didn’t let her touch me. “Why are you still pulling away? You do believe me, don’t you? I’m not blaming your mama or calling her bad. I’m just saying with everyone saying the sick is only for bad people, it is natural you want to explain her getting it when you know in your heart she’s a good person.” “I… I’m pulling away because what if you are right? What if it is just a dream I had because I wanted to explain her being good? Then I could still get you sick if you touch me?” “But what do you believe?” she asked me. “I… I think God told me that she got it in the hospital.” “Well, you are having tests done, right? Maybe those tests will tell us.” “I don’t know if the tests will tell us anything,” I frowned. “They keep saying the tests will tell if I’m safe for you to be around, but they keep saying it like I still could have it.” Vanessa frowned. “That’s a strange sick, if it doesn’t cause you discomfort, and it’s not just using you to get others sick, then what is it’s purpose?” I shrugged. “I never said I understood any sick, to be honest. I don’t get any of it, much less something like this.” “Yeah. It is a weird thing.” We were eventually done with the chores outside, and went in to find Auntie Jenny making us dinner. I wished I could tell someone that tell me exactly why I had that dream, and if it meant that God did tell me what I really deep down hoped it did. I would love even more, if somehow, the sick mom got from the hospital was not tested right, and find out that it was not something so bad. Something that would let her live longer…, but… I knew. I knew that she had it. I don’t know why I knew and why I was so sure I didn’t, except that God somehow said it. But did I really? I was still scared to let anyone touch me. Auntie Jennie sat down and she looked at each of us while we sat in front of our plates. “Children, I don’t really think it’s going to matter if you wet your pants at church anymore. Everyone knows you do it, and Vanessa just pooped herself today. I’m not going to worry about that anymore, but from now on, all of you will wear diapers when we go there. It’s only polite to keep their seats clean. Right?” She looked right at Jason. Jason gulped. “Yes Auntie.” “I know everyone has been thinking a lot about Corinna, and I’m not sending her away any time soon. You all know I’ve been hugging her and stuff even without the gloves….” There was a deep quiet that felt as though you could squeeze it. It stilled us for several moments, maybe even more than a few minutes. “Well…, I don’t know where you’ll go,” she looked around at Jason, Vanessa, and Theodore. “But I’m afraid it might not be a good idea for you all to stay with me. I have to protect you all.” “Please, Auntie,” Vanessa whispered. “She’s already peed on me before, and we all sat on the toilet she sat on. Even if we don’t show any signs, we probably have it!” Jason frowned. “We can get her condition by touching her and sitting on the same toilet, can’t we? Isn’t that what you were worried about? That’s why she isn’t allowed to try to go to the toilet and has to wear diapers even at home?” “Yes, sweetheart,” Auntie Jennie frowned. “Well…, the thing is, we sat on the toilet after her many times, and even if you cleaned out the tub after she was done and made her take the bath last every time, we still use the same tub. She sits in the car with us, and it’s impossible to completely avoid her. I brushed against her a few times at church.” Auntie Jennie frowned. “So…?” “I don’t want to leave this home,” Jason told her. “And Vanessa doesn’t either. We’d do anything to stay here.” “I don’t want to leave, too,” Theodore called out. “Corinna doesn’t even look sick.” Auntie Jenny sighed. “It’s really not up to me, though, is it?” We all looked at her wondering if it was. She said she wanted me gone within a week, but I never left and she’s talking about keeping me. And she had Carl out of the house in less than a day after he messed up really big. “Look. I have to tell social services what I know, and I have to see what they say, children.” We looked down. “But I never had it as good as I have it here,” Vanessa told her. “Yeah. You’re the best one out there,” Jason agreed in a quiet voice. More silence fell. It was eerie and uncomfortable how we all stayed quiet. No one prayed, and no one even reached for even a piece of food to eat. We just sat there, thinking about what this will mean from this day forward if we all got what we wanted or needed. I didn’t want to make them sick though, so I felt like I was really the problem. But Auntie said she was keeping me no matter what, and it was true, she sometimes hugged me and took my hand without wearing her gloves. She only used the gloves when she actually changed my diapers or helped me in the bath. “I… I don’t think anyone is sick,” I whispered. “I know no one will believe me, but God told me mommy got it at the hospital.” Auntie Jenny looked up into my eyes, for hers had dropped a few minutes in the silence. “Baby, even if you weren’t sick before, or even if you are not sick now, you are going to continue seeing your mommy, aren’t you?” I felt pinpricks of hurt in my eyes and in my chest. “Yes?” “Well, eventually, being around her all the time, you’re going to get sick, sweetheart.” “But I only see her once a week, and you are around me all the time….” “… Which is why I may have to let the others go before they get sick. I’ve been the only one handling you since we got the news you are probably sick. You’ve not used the toilet when I wasn’t looking, have you?” “No, Auntie. I do whatever you say.” “So, there is a good chance the others are not sick. They know they are not supposed to touch you, and you know not to let them.” I nodded. “Look, I’m probably more sad than you or even Jason is about it. I really do care about all of you.” “You sent Carl away,” Jason whispered. “Honey, I had to. First of all, he wasn’t happy here. That’s why he was always picking fights with the babies. And I have to protect everyone in my house. It was good for him to get away from here, and it protected Vanessa and Corinna letting him go. But don’t think for a moment it didn’t make my heart ache to send him away. But you know, over the years, I’ve had to send kids away before, and sometimes, they were just moved without any word from me. I’ve ached for them all, but I also knew that they were going to better places for themselves, and I wouldn’t be a very caring person if I held them back from going to better places, would I?” Jason frowned. “You really think Carl went to a better place?” “He didn’t like it here,” Auntie Jenny reminded us. “He didn’t know what others are like though,” Vanessa frowned. “He… he couldn’t know what others are like. If he did, he would not have agreed to leave so easily. He would have obeyed you once he realized you meant it.” Auntie Jenny frowned and looked around at all of us. “Children, I know that Jason and Vanessa had very bad places to live in before you came to my house. But not all places are bad. If they were, then my house wouldn’t be good for you either. Think about that!” I frowned. I didn’t think Auntie Jenny’s house was that great, to tell the truth. She had a reason to keep me in diapers right now, but she… she makes Vanessa wet her pants, and she has really strict rules and she’s hard to please sometimes. I thought she was impossible, and sometimes, I still think she’s impossible, but she… she’s growing on me, I guess. I do kind of like her. And she’s… she’s going to keep me even though I could get her sick. I really didn’t know what to think of her. “Social Services have to already know about her mom, though,” Vanessa whispered after a moment or two. “They the ones that took her here, to stay. They haven’t pulled us out yet. So please, tell them you want to keep us?” Jason nodded as Vanessa spoke letting her finish before he chimed in. “We’ll follow any rules you have about her, even not touching her. But please keep us all?” Auntie Jenny’s eyes got watery. “I do want to…,” she whispered. “But it’s more up to Social Services than me, and I am pretty worried you could get sick. Corinna needs someone to be there for her, and not hugging her when she needs it, I can’t not do that.” “So…, hug her?” Theodore said simply. “How it different than you do now. If she lying and she sick, then you already sick. If she telling truth God told her, then she not going to get sick, or God would have told her not to see her mommy.” Auntie Jenny sighed. “It’s not that simple, Theodore. And no one should call her a liar without proof. It’s true we don’t hear about God talking to people often these days, but be really don’t know. So I don’t want to hear anyone calling her a liar about that.” “I’m not,” Theodore said. “I’m just saying…. One way or another, I don’t think anything changes for us if you keep us or not except we go a home we don’t want.” “Exactly,” Jason looked up at Auntie with watery eyes. “We are either already sick, or we are not going to get sick. I think you should let Corinna use the toilet, at least at home again, but that’s up to you, Auntie.” Auntie Jenny sighed and looked down. “Well, let’s eat. I’ll think on it and pray about it, but in the end, it really is up to social services. Until they decide, Corinna will stay in diapers to protect you as much as possible.” We all ate that night in a very quiet and lonely dining room. I was in my own thoughts wondering if God could help us.

"Those are so .... cute!" he told Ruby in English when he saw the three shirts she had chosen so far. Then he followed up in Japanese. *So... cute! (Kawaii!)* Of course, he put them directly into the cart for her after making sure that they looked like they would fit. He did check to see if the sizes were all the same, and once she had the shirts she wanted, he took both of his little girls to the dressing rooms to make sure they'd fit. "Liz, you're a bit girl," told her. "Go in the dressing room and make sure clothes you have picked out fit comfortably. I'm in no hurry, so if we need to change one or two or even all of them, we can. I just want to make sure they are comfortable on you because you are the one that has to wear them, sweetheart." He took Ruby by the hand though and brought her in to try her shirts on her himself because he didn't exactly know how to convey everything he wanted to say to her. Of course, she probably knew they were checking for sizes, but a lot of kids her age might think it natural for clothes not to fit perfectly if they were given to her. On second thought, it was Lizzy that had been in the system for years. "And Lizzy, I want to see you come out and show me on two of the shirts, so I can make sure it fits right, okay? I am sure you understand how things should fit, but you've been in the system for a while, and I want to make sure you understand that you are allowed to make sure it fits comfortably, honey." He Got on his knees in the dressing room in front of Ruby, and he pulled her hoodie off of her and then he helped her put on the Sofia the First shirt first. While he did so, he pulled back her diaper, too to make sure the baby girl was still dry. *After shopping, we go restaurant,* he told her. *We get set, and then I take you potty to check diaper. If you want, you go potty then, baby.* He decided he would take both his little girls potty at the restaurant even if no one else liked it. He wasn't there to please anyone but his children. Of course, he still expected them to pee their pants, but if this helped him change them sooner or if one or both of them were able to keep from getting wet at least once, it would probably make them a lot happier. *Not troublesome and not bad if you wet your pants* he told her. *Just want you happy and comfortable if we can, okay?*

"Well, I didn't think it was going to be easy, sweetheart," James told Liz. "And I'm doing this to help you, not to make you feel bad or anything. Everyone wants to be independent and wants the convenience of not worrying about feeling different from others or afraid of doing group things because of being scared of being found out." He hugged her. "Don't worry about it right now. We'll go slow, and honestly, I don't doubt that a part of the reason it didn't work is that you haven't been in any kind of counseling either, have you? For all we know..., your wetting and your trauma are likely connected, sweetheart." He let her go and turned his attention to Ruby who was holding her arms up to be let out. "Sure, sweetheart, but you need to stay near us." And then in Japanese *Yes. You get out. But you stay near. Okay?* He helped her out and put her on her feet and pulled down the back of the hoody to make sure her butt was covered, and then patted her back. "Please be a big sister and keep an eye on your little sister with me so she doesn't get too far from me. Of course, I'm watching her too, but I'd bet you can run and dodge through these people a lot faster and better than I can, Lizzy."

Now, even though James knew that both girls were diaper dependent, as lease as far as he knew, he took Liz to get her some panties anyway and some socks. She was thirteen years old and even Ruby was ten, so he had to potty train them, and the sooner the better for their own health, at least mental-wise. He smiled at Liz. "I'll need to start potty training you soon, so you need some panties so we can start working on that. However, we won't be having you go anywhere in public without a diaper until you can show that you can consistently stay dry. We don't want you getting made fun of or having you feel bad because you can't help but pee on the floor." He whispered this last to her because of course he didn't want to draw any attention about it for others to hear. Once they had six pair of panties for Liz and 12 pair of socks, of her own choosing, they started towards the little girls' stuff. *Okay Ru-chan. 8 shirts, okay. What you like. Nothing is a bad choice. But it must fit, okay?*

James smiled at Ruby as she pouted up at him. "It's okay, sweetie," he smiled at her. "You're going to get some stuff too. I'm just trying to show you what we are getting by letting you see what big sis gets first." and then in Japanese, he told her again. *It okay, Ru-chan. You get some things too. I just let you see what we get so you know what to get.* He didn't realize her pout was because she didn't understand good girl. "Yes, we'll get pajamas, but not yet. I want to get your outside stuff first and Ruby's stuff so I can make sure we have enough for the pajamas you want without sacrificing what you or Ruby need." He brought her towards the blouses and shirts next. "You can go ahead and get seven tops in any combination of blouse, t-shirt, or whatever you want, as long as it covers your tum-tum and all the way down your back. I don't mind if one or two is sleeveless or not because there are going to be some hot days, but we will follow school rules, okay?" He smiled at her. *Soon. Your turn to pick clothes,* James told Ru-chan.

"Well, I won't be taking you kids to places like that while you are with me. It's not healthy for little girls to breath in so much tobacco smoke, and anyway, it really should be against the law to bring kids to such places. You'd think the owner would've kicked him out bringing a small child into a place like that, but I guess...," he shook his head not really understanding how people got away with what they did sometimes. "Good girls," he said when the girls let themselves be put in the cart, or told to stay by the cart. He walked them through the store and towards the teen clothes first. He figured if Ruby saw them getting Lizzy clothes and she could see Lizzy picking what she wanted, then she would get the idea and pick clothes for herself when he took her to the younger kids' section. He didn't bother translating "good girls" because he needed Ruby to get used to English, and it was such a simple concept, that he figured if she heard it enough, she would catch on. "You can get yourself three skirts, three pair of pants, and two pair of shorts," James told Liz. "I want you to be prepared for whatever you need, whether it's something nice for special occasions, something warm for colder days because it's still kind of cold sometimes, or something for warmer afternoons because the sun does heat things up a bit sometimes as we get closer to summer." He patted Ruby's leg as he walked Liz through the skirts. "Don't worry about the price," he told her. "This is Kmart, so anything you want to get isn't going to break the bank, here."

James smiled when he noticed that she had put the hoodie on backwards. Had she never worn a hoodie before? He put her back in the car for a moment, and then fixed the hoodie, as he spoke softly to her. *Ru-chan, this is hat part. It for in back. Please put arms out. I turn it.* He worked with her until he could get it turned around on her right, and then asked her: *Put hands in now* He smiled and picked her up. To Liz, he shook his head. "No, it was probably a place with pool tables and card tables, right? And they probably smelled like funny drink to you and stuff like that. Probably a lot of smoke too?" He was pretty sure it was a bar or club of some kind. Then he carried Ruby towards the store until a cart was pointed out to him. *That is would easier* he said. *You sit in cart?* As he went to get the cart, he also motioned for Liz to come closer. "I know this is probably a little paranoia sounding, but like I said, I don't want to lose you either, so can you keep a hand on the cart unless you point me out here you are looking at clothes so I can see you?" He looked at her earnestly, trying to give her just enough space, but not so much she could get lost from him. "It's just we don't know each other's faces yet, sweetheart." He walked them into the entrance. There was the little cafeteria and bathroom area to one side, but he walked past that into the center of the store. He was going to get them something better than Kmart cafeteria food for dinner.

James frowned when she said that she had had a sandwich at a very loud place. It smelled, and it seemed like she was trying to be brave and say she wasn't scared, but he couldn't see how a child that young couldn't be scared of such a place. She'd been in the system according to her file since she was around eight, and this place seemed more like a bar of some kind. It was a wonder she was not taken from him long before he had decided to abandon her. "Oh, baby. That wasn't a restaurant that your daddy took you to, or at least it doesn't sound like one." However, hearing her talk about the noise made him rethink taking them for fast food for her first experience because McDonalds could be loud. He didn't want her to associate anything with the kind of place he was imagining her strange old man probably had taken her. "Don't worry, sweetie. We'll go to a quiet place where we can sit and relax, and you can eat as slowly as you want." *Ru-chan, are you okay?* he asked her. *You know, you have a hoodie for now. Put it on. It feels better not to see your panties in the car, right* He wanted the little one to be more comfortable, and he figured since she did have a clean diaper on, that it was not likely to leak even if she did pee in it once. They were nearly to the store anyway. He was a little worried letting them go potty though, and since they do just wet anyway, he figured that they wouldn't say anything. If they did, he'd just have to tell them, just for now, that they couldn't go. He'd be able to explain to Liz what his worries were, but for Ru-chan it would probably take a little bit, but she's in a diaper, so she's likely used to having accidents anyway, and if she speaks up, then it's probably other people's rules. He'll let her go... but today, he just didn't want to lose his kids before they even knew what each other really looked like. He wanted make sure that they could find him again when they had to separate for short moments like letting the children use the toilet. *Ru-chan. I don't know. You can or cannot use toilet. I know I don't lose you. So, no toilet until we go home. Not now, okay? After three days, we know you know me, and I know you, you can go toilet other place. Okay? School, you can go toilet. School and home. Okay?* Of course he spoke the best Japanese he could. He hoped he explained it well enough that she got it. "And the same for you Liz," he spoke in English now. "I just told Ru-chan, or Ruby is her name, that I don't want her using the toilet except at home and at school for a few days. The reason is I don't want you disappearing from me until we are sure we know what each other looks like, so you can find me and I can find you. So, while I know you are kind of big to wet your pants, and it's probably embarrassing that you can't control it right now, I'll start trying to help you potty train after we know each other better, and if you can already use the toilet, I still don't want you using it anywhere but at school or home for now. Is that okay with you?" He hoped she understood, he was just worried about her, and of course, even if she's okay with him changing her diaper or checking her, she probably doesn't want him taking her to the toilet or especially changing her in a public place where people might be able to watch. They came upon the K-mart he had been talking about. "Please stay in your seats for a moment," he said to Lizzy. "Ru-chan. Matte. Saisho, Ruchan wo mitai desu." *Ru-chan, wait. first, want to check Ru-chan.* He got out and opened Lizzy's door first and he felt her pants to make sure she hadn't leaked out in them. "Are you okay? Still dry, sweetheart?" Of course she had a diaper, but she had told him that these were cheap diapers, and that they leak on her sometimes. Once he as sure she was dry and the diaper didn't betray her and make her embarrassed, he let her out of the car. He opened Ru-chan's side, but not before saying *Put hoodie on* if he noticed she had not yet been wearing it. Then he opened her door, and helped her out of the car, and then immediately picked her up. *No one see diaper if papa carry you. Hoodie hide it. But you walk and play, maybe someone see diaper. I don't care if someone see, but you care, do you?* He kissed her head and smiled at her as he waited for her reply.

*Ru-chan, your new sister wants you to wear her hoodie instead of wet pants into the store. Isn't that nice? Do you want to thank her for not letting your diaper be seen and for not making you wear wet pants into the store?* He looked in the mirror to see what Ruby would do. "Well, I'm getting both you girls plenty of clothes. I'm sorry it has to be at a cheap place like Kmart, but at least they're new and they would be yours." James sighed wishing he had millionaire limitless cash, but he didn't. "I want my little girls to be comfortable at school, and this summer, we'll go shopping again to get you some summer stuff, and before the fall, you'll get some stuff for the next school year. That's how families are supposed to act, sweetheart." Of course, he was talking to Lizzy. Ruby... it would be hard for him to convey all that to her. He'd probably sound like gibberish because his Japanese wasn't that great. *Ru-chan wants nice things to wear, too, don't you?* He was nearly halfway across town. "So, what kinds of food have you eaten at a restaurant before?" James tried to make small talk with Lizzy for a moment.

"Actually, if you gave her your hoodie to use, if that's alright, then I wouldn't have to put her pants back on her. It would cover her well enough no one would see her diaper unless they were looking, and I'd carry her anyway, so I don't think anyone would have a chance to even try to look for it. I'll ask her how she feels about that, I mean, as long as you are sure. She might wet on it, though. Is that okay?" James thought that for someone that had been abandoned in the system for so long, Liz actually had a good heart. "How about I get you a new hoodie you'd like for being so kind to Ru-chan?" he asked her. "I mean, besides the clothes I'm getting you anyway?" He smiled back at his babies, but he didn't tell Ruby until Liz agreed that she meant it, that Ruby could borrow it. Just because she felt sorry for Ruby doesn't mean she wanted her hoodie to get peed on. He couldn't promise that it wouldn't happen.

James shook his head at Liz. "Sweetheart, you and I know she's ten, and she knows she's ten. It's not about what other people know, but about her knowing how to take care of herself. You should never show your panties to anyone that isn't family, at least not on purpose. If your parent tells you it's okay, like for a doctor to check something, then that's fine. Of course, when you are old enough to understand who can see your panties, then you can choose who to show them off to, but for now, I'd like neither of you to do so." He pulled up to the first stoplight. "Hopefully the next time she is in this situation, then I can just send you in to get her some pants, and if you are in this situation, then I can just have you watch her in the car while I go in to get you some clean pants. The reason I don't want to do that this time, is we barely know each other, and I'm afraid if I can't describe you well enough, you could disappear on me. So, I'm keeping an eye on both of you for at least a week so we get used to each other's faces and actions. I hope that's okay. Of course you still have to go to school, but I'll expect to take you and pick you up for that first week." He glanced back at Liz with a genuine smile before he turned back to the road and the light turned green. "And even if they think she's little, then it's not going to be a surprise a little one peed her pants, is it?" He knew that poor Ru-chan was being left behind in the talk, so he talked to her, too. *We just talk about that you wear wet pants at store. Just this time. We know each other, then I send for Liz get you new pants, or I get her new pants at store and wet girl sit with someone until can change.* He didn't want Ru-chan to be left out of conversations. "I'm sorry, Lizzy. But I am going to be translating the best I can for Ru-chan until she starts picking up a few words. It's not right to leave her out." He thought about what Lizzy had said though, and wondered if he had an old blanket in the back. If he did, he could just wrap the girl in that like a skirt sort of thing and just carry her so it doesn't fall off of her diaper. "Besides, Liz. If your pants were wet, would you like everyone to see you in a diaper at the store? I'm pretty sure a ten year old would be as strong against it as you would be."

(Just figured out what bsvk meant. misplaced fingers... back*) James nodded when Ruby said she could walk. "I'm sure you can." and then in Japanese *You can walk, but now I carry you because I daddy now.* He didn't really know how to be any more clear than that, and it was probably not any more clear than if he said nothing at all. Still, for now, she needs to know she has to listen to him for now, more for her safety than anything else because he was taking her shopping, and he didn't want to let either of his children out of his sight before he burned their images into his long term memory. *So sorry, Ru-chan. Only pants, wet pants. Don't go store no pants. So sorry. But no wear until we go to store, okay?* He looked over at Liz. "And hopefully you don't wet enough to leak before we get to the store or you'll be wearing wet pants in the store, too. It's not a punishment, just we need to get you some clothes so you have something to change into. Okay? That's what I basically told Ru-chan. She will have to put on her wet pants when we get to the store just long enough to be able to buy her some clothes." He hated to do that to either of them, but he couldn't leave Ru-chan in just a diaper to go in, and especially Liz would be mortified to go in there in a diaper without anything to cover it. At least he would..., actually at Ru-chan's age, too. He put Ruby in the car and did her belt for her. And while he let Liz do her own, he did check to make sure it was snapped in place before closing her door and then getting in the front to drive. "Okay. About a half an hour to the other side of town, and then we get you girls some clothes and toys," he told them. "And we'll get you dinner, too." He made sure to turn the heat up since Ru-chan was only in a diaper at the moment, and he didn't like how thin Liz's clothes were, either. It was already April, but there as a little snow on the ground.

James patted his big baby on her back. "No, sweetheart. For now, you don't worry about stuff like that. You aren't a high school student yet. I'd rather clean up your bed anyway, that way I can tell if you're problem is getting worse or not when you start only wetting at night." He whispered in her ear. "What I do want from you, sweetheart, is recognition that you can do what I ask of you because I'm going to be your daddy now. Little girls most important job, is to trust and talk to daddy unless something bad happens, but you shouldn't have to worry about something like that with me, sweetheart. I see you as children and nothing other than my little babies." Cheryl smiled at her attempt to ask for what she wanted. James was probably right for trying to teach her English. She'll get a lot further if she knows it from a younger age. "Of course I'll get your Kitty," she told her. "I know you've been sleeping with it since you got here, sweetheart." James translated the best he could for Cheryl so that Ru-chan would know that Cheryl understood her. ""Alright, children," James smiled at them. "Let's go get in the car. Just a little warning, we have a bit of a drive. We are stopping though before we leave town to both get you kids some clothes, and a couple of toys but also to get you some dinner." He picked up little baby Ru-chan. *We go car now, baby. We drive a far way. We do stop for some clothes and a couple toys and dinner before we leave town.* That was the best he could talk to her for the moment. He hoped she learned English soon though.

"No, baby," James whispered to Lizzy. She was going to hear that name a lot even if James knew she preferred Liz, and he'd use Liz around non-family, but when it was just the people that were going to be family, and of course Cheryl had helped her in diapers many times, he had no shame about using his preferred baby-name for her. "A home is good enough if... you are not staying. But I told you, didn't I baby? You are MY baby now. You and Ru-chan are going to get as much as I can get you because that's what you do when children are actually a part of your family." He frowned when the little one mentioned bullies and keeping her rabbit safe. He'd probably have to teach her to stand up for herself some day, but now was not the time. *Ru-chan, Can you please look at Cheryl? Ask her? I'll tell you the English. "My Bun-bun is in the dresser. I'm scared if I get it, someone will take it. Can you get it, please?* He went through the words carefully twice, and then walked her up to Cheryl. "My Bun-bun...." he waited for her to say it. "Is...." "In the dresser." "In the dresser." "dresser." guiding her on every word. Once she had gotten the phrases out, he hugged her with excitement. "Very good girl!" he praised. James didn't know what significance the stuffed pink rabbit had for Liz, and he decided not to ask. He'd let her tell if she wanted, but he was not going to make her get rid of it no matter what, and even if she wanted to play with it more than the toys he planned to get her. There would be no shame for whatever she wanted to play with in his house. What both Lizzy and Ru-chan needed, was someone to listen to them and to show that they were important human beings and not garbage to be put to the side when you are finished with them. "Don't worry about the bed, sweetheart," he smiled at Lizzy. "I know diapers can leak. I won't mind if you leak. Just let me change you if I find out you are wet, whether it leaked or not, okay? I promise to be as quiet and non-dramatic about it as possible in public, but at home, we get you cleaned up as soon as we can no matter what because there should never be anyone invited to our house who will shame you." He hugged her. "And you make sure you take your stuffed toy and everything else you need, sweetie." He waited for Cheryl to help Ruby get her rabbit from the dresser.

James followed the children up to their bedroom that they shared with four other girls who were between eight and ten. As he saw Lizzy's worn out things and mostly all stained, he sighed and reached for her hands. "Baby just get the things you feel are important to you. We are going to get you some things before I take you home. Both of you girls need some fresh clothes, and I'd been wanting a little girl for so long, that I'd been saving up money hoping to get a child. I've been saving for nearly a year and a half, so we can get you some stuff, okay?" He didn't see her pacifier though, because she had somehow grabbed it when he had happened to look at Ru-chan and had seen her trying to talk to Cheryl or at least point at the dresser with her. He walked over to Cheryl, who didn't really know how to communicate that poor Ruby had no clothes of her own. The things she let her wear were actually for all the ten year olds because when she was abandoned, the only clothes she had, were the ones on her back, and her pants that were hers, had just gotten peed on before she met James. "Is everything alright over here?" James asked. "I don't really know what the child wants," Cheryl frowned. "She doesn't have any clothes or anything to take with her, but she's pointing at the dresser. Maybe she's asking for some pants to cover her diaper, but I'm afraid I don't have anything clean for her." "Well, was she in just a diaper all day?" "She's got a pair of pants, just one, that she accidentally got wet earlier just before seeing you which was why she had to see you in just a diaper." James frowned. "Well, if that's all she has then at least put that on her until I can get some clothes. We're going shopping for clothes for them anyway on the way home." James got down and sat on the floor and then pulled Ruby into his lap. *Ru-chan, I'm sorry. You don't have any clothes. You only have wet pants and this shirt.* He touched her shirt tail of the one she had on to let her kno which one he was talking about. *But I take you to store soon. We get you clothes. But so sorry you must wear wet pants until. Understand?* He frowned at Lizzy's stuff. "You can keep anything Lizzy doesn't need, too. I'm not taking all that stuff because I'm going to get her some nice things to wear. So, let me go and talk to her and get her to just take what is important to her." Cheryl sighed and went off to get Ruby's wet pants from a basket she had dropped them into. James picked up the little diapered girl and carried her over to LIz. "Sweetheart? You don't need most of that stuff. You are going to get some nicer clothes first thing. As soon as we get to the edge of town, there is a Kmart we'll stop at to get you girls some stuff to wear. So, just pick out anything that you don't want to lose, but a lot of that stuff I saw you trying to pack, you won't need it since you'll have new clothes today." He reached out and hugged her. "We can let the other girls here use your old stuff, right? Because honestly, a lot of that stuff is tight on you anyway, isn't it? When is the last time you got anything that fit you, sweetheart?" He had heard that places like this rarely had money to get girls things of their own, so they just got things that were donated, and good luck finding something that fit. James had little Ru-chan on his hip, holding her while he talked to Lizzy. He even pulled her over and pecked a little quick kiss on her little head to show her that he wanted her to feel like she belonged to him. The bed that Lizzy stood next to, where she had her own little closet-like locker and her own trunk at the foot of her bed that had stuff for her in it, the bed had multiple stains on it from her peeing the bed and the sheets were currently stripped from it because they were being washed. James sighed. He knew that the poor child was going to need a lot of help to feel normal again, and carrying Ru-chan on his hip, he walked over and he whispered to her. "Don't worry, sweetheart. We'll get you girls a mat and a plastic covering so your bed doesn't have stains on it when you have guests over. I honestly wouldn't mind, but it can be embarrassing for a thirteen year old to try to explain to her friends that she can't help it." He kissed her on the head. "You're my babies now, and I'll be making sure I can protect you both and make you as comfortable and happy as possible while you are at home with me, okay?"

James frowned at the little girl telling him what it felt like happened to her. He wasn't sure if there was anything to it, or if it was just her words to describe CPS taking her away from her family, but it was certain that she wanted her mommy. He spoke in Japanese (I'll use * * as quotes when he speaks Japanese and " " quotes as intended when he speaks English so we can get use to what language he is talking in.) *Ru-chan, (roughly translates as little Ru), I ask your mama. I ask your papa. Soon. I do it. But come me home for now?* He rubbed her back and looked over at the teenager. In his mind, neither really looked their age in their dress and their actions, but he wasn't going to call it out. To do so would greatly cause a lot of problems, and these two seemed like they had had enough to last them a life time. "Lizzy? Are you ready to go? Do you have to get anything you want to bring with you?" He looked down at Ru-chan. *toys bring? blanket? Pillow? something?* He hoped he made sense to her.

"If you used to be potty trained, then it sounds like you need to see a regular medical doctor to me, honey. Half of your problem could be physical as much as it could be stress or other factors." James patted her legs. "Don't be scared, sweetheart. I just want you to know, until we find out what we can about it, I'll just check you for a while. There is no reason to embarrass yourself and have to come and ask me until you feel comfortable doing it since I plan to check you about every three or four hours anyway and right after you get home from school." He rocked her as he listened to her. "Well, I am not a quiet person when someone is suffering. You will get in to see a counselor even if I have to pay for it up front and get reimbursed later. It is your right by law to grow up as healthy as possible. I will make sure you have what you need, baby. You are my baby now, no matter what. Okay?" His last word, "okay" was said more in question as if asking permission from her to be called his baby. "Sweetheart, I don't have any pants right now in your room. I have to hunt them down," Cheryl told the reluctantly tugging girl that seemed to be trying to pull her shirt over her diaper while she put the other in her mouth. "This is the other baby," Cheryl told James. "Aw! Isn't she a little sweetheart?" he asked as he saw her. He didn't put Liz off his lap nor let her move, but rather just spread his legs so there was more space causing the teen to be on one leg and he motioned for the little one with her thumb in her mouth to come to him. It was clear she was in a diaper, and her thumb was in her mouth. Her file said she was ten. Obviously another one that needed some counseling to be in diapers and thumb sucking in the day, but in James's mind, just another cute little one to love! "My name is James," he told her. "Oh, she doesn't speak. We don't think she knows English, and of course we've tried Spanish though we doubted it would have worked. We think she's from China, Japan, or Korea." "She's Japanese," James immediately recognize subtle differences that he would have known from having been in China for a year and in Japan for three years. "Watashi ha Jamuzu," he said his Japanese somewhat funny but understandable. "Watashi no uchi ni tsurete itte sundimasu ka." He hoped he was making sense to her as he told her his name and told her litterally... I to my home want to take you and live. The last particle, ka, meant it was a question, in that he was trying to ask her about the idea.

This was a clumsy chapter for me... especially because I learned that not as much was known in 1980 about this as I thought. As I said though, I'm not going to retcon, so there will have to be a little suspending of disbelief about how much was known, though I am writing it with the understanding of what I thought was known, which was still really little especially by non-medical people. So... Chapter 11: Chapter Eleven Judgment Isn’t Supposed to Happen Here Getting home after the shopping trip was kind of a fog for me. I remember driving through the town, but it was just glimpses of streetlights, some cars, and a few houses, and suddenly we were back at home. I kind of had to use the toilet, but I wasn’t allowed anymore. I was told not to pee in the car, right now, because I didn’t have a diaper on. I was toxic or something, and could make others sick. I felt a hurt in my chest and tears in my eyes. I didn’t want to have this… condition. We walked up the steps towards the front door, and I looked down, not knowing how much longer I should have to wait to pee, but I couldn’t make any puddles. Auntie Jenny had a hand on my shoulder, and was trying to talk to me, but I was lost in my own thoughts. I didn’t feel sick, but I was dangerous to others. I didn’t even feel a runny nose, but probably even touching someone could make them sick. “Corinna?” Auntie Jenny said in a sharp tone that made me look up at her as she held the door open. “Didn’t hear anything I was telling you?” “Sorry, no,” I felt tears slide down my cheeks. “Oh, baby,” she dropped down to a squat in front of me and pulled me towards her. “I know you are having a hard time, but it’s really important you listen to me. You don’t want to get Van-van or the others sick, do you?” I shook my head. “I don’t want that.” “Go lie down in the living room, and wait for me to get you a diaper. If you need to go potty, don’t do anything even in your pants, until I get in there with a diaper and put it on you. It’s very important no one touches any place you peed, and they really shouldn’t touch your body, either.” “You did,” I whispered. “I have to take care of you,” Auntie told me. “Hopefully, they will find out that you are not as sick, and maybe as long as we are careful, we won’t get sick by just being around you.” I sighed and after she turned to go back to the car, I walked over to the living room, and sat on the floor. “Hey, Cori,” Theodore started to walk closer to me. “Don’t,” I looked seriously at him. “Why are you mad?” his lip curled into a pout. “I’m not,” I whispered. “But I can’t sit next to anyone, and I have to pee, but if I accidentally do it too soon, and you sit in it, you might get sick.” “And you can’t use the toilet?” I shook my head. “If I do, you and the others could get sick.” He frowned. “It’s because of what you have?” “Yeah,” I whispered. “Auntie made me promise not to sit by anyone and to not pee my pants until she gets me in a diaper, but it’s getting hard to not pee.” “I’m sorry,” Theodore whispered rubbing his hand in his hair. “It’s not your fault,” I looked down the hurt in my chest making it hard to breathe, like a tightness that wanted to squeeze the life out of me like giant constrictor. “I don’t get it,” Theodore shook his little head. “How can you be sick, but not look sick?” I shrugged. “I only know that my mom is dying and they said she got sick by something bad, and they testing me for it.” “Did they tell you what the sickness is? Is it like the flu?” “I think it’s more like a cancer thing. It doesn’t have a cure, I don’t think.” “Is Cancer dangerous to others if you have it?” “Maybe? They said that I can make you sick if mommy game me her sick.” Auntie came in and shaking her head, she walked over where we were talking. “Children, please understand,” Auntie Jenny sat down on the floor between us with a package of diapers, and her hands already gloved with the plastic gloves that some people used to wash dishes or do heavy duty cleaning in the kitchen. “I have to protect you all, and right now, we don’t know the extent of baby Corinna’s disease. She’s been tested but it takes time for them to read those tests. We also need to get the rest of us tested, too. Even if she is okay, because her mommy has this disease, it is possible that she can still get you sick even if she’s not sick.” Theodore frowned and stared at her. “I never heard of a sickness that you weren’t sick but it gets others sick.” “I know,” Auntie Jenny frowned. “It’s a newer disease that even the doctors have trouble fully understanding. It’s a dangerous thing brought over from Africa or some place here people got it started by doing things they shouldn’t.” I looked up at her in confusion. “Things they shouldn’t?” Auntie nodded. “Yes honey, things they shouldn’t.” That could be so many things, that I really had no idea what she meant. At that time, there was this idea you protected kids from hearing about certain things, and you didn’t blatantly talk about even natural things in front of them. It was supposed to be dangerous or it was influencing kids’ natural development and growth to bring up things to children before a certain age. Even if kids experimented, they were told it was gross, dirty, and bad until they were old enough to understand it. That was why Auntie Jenny probably didn’t want to tell us it had to do with having sex and with whom. Theodore and I looked at each other for a moment. “But Corinna didn’t do anything bad?” Theodore asked. “I don’t think so,” Auntie told him. “She’s just a product of what her mom did.” “But my mom wasn’t bad,” I whispered. “She made a mistake though,” Auntie Jenny said. “Once the disease is out there, people who don’t mean to be bad can still make mistakes to get it.” I frowned. “Maybe she got too close to someone with it, or she sat on the toilet someone sat on?” “Maybe…,” Auntie Jenny sighed though I wasn’t sure her sigh was one that was from being unwilling to explain to me what she really thought, or a sigh that of sadness that my mama had maybe gotten it so innocently. I knew my mama, though, and there was no way she did anything that was bad in a way she’d get it for doing something like that. It had to be a mistake, caused by someone else doing something and not telling people around them that they were sick. “But if your mama got it from sitting on a potty that someone else with it had sat on, you can see why we can’t take that chance with the other kids, can’t you?” I nodded. “Okay.” “I won’t touch anyone unless we find out I can, then. I promise.” “Good girl,” Auntie Jenny told me. “Now, until I find out I have the sickness or we find out somehow you are not contagious, I will wear gloves anytime I need to touch you to change you. You are not to touch anything by yourself anymore. If a door is closed, you wait by it until someone opens it for you.” I frowned. “okay.” “We are just protecting other people, okay?” “I know.” Auntie Jenny hugged me and then laid me down to get my clothes off of me and my panties. She carefully wiped me and got me clean with powder and other stuff before putting a diaper on me. I looked up at her. “I been having to pee for a while.” Auntie sighed. “Well, you couldn’t have peed in the toilet or on the floor, so I’m glad you waited to be in a diaper, but we can’t just waste a diaper. You may pee in it, but you’ll have to wear it for a bit, sweetheart.” “Okay,” I said feeling myself starting to leak a little bit anyway even if she didn’t let me. She helped me stand up in just a diaper and a clean top on, and then she smiled. “Do you want to watch cartoons?” “I don’t think it’s time for cartoons.” “I put a tape on with a Disney cartoon.” I smiled. “Okay.” “You can’t touch the tapes or the VCR anymore though. So you let Theodore take care of it when it’s finished, okay?” “Yes, ma’am.” I went to sleep that night in the bed all by myself. Van-van was put in with the boys because they were afraid of letting her sleep with me, and my sick could get her. It was so lonely having this sick. I felt tears sting my eyes for several minutes before I could get to sleep. I was in a clean white hall of some kind. The floor was shiny and white tiled. There were people around in green and blue gowns. Some of them had white masks and shower caps on their heads, but there were no showers around. One of them had a cart and some stuff on it. I felt sick. I tried to call out to them, but they were ignoring me, or maybe unable to hear me. I couldn’t tell. They looked really busy. We walked into a room that had a woman on the only bed. The bed was in the middle of the room. There was someone in charge sitting at the head of the bed. Someone was standing next to the woman… to… my mother! They were checking her wrist. Someone was sitting near machines monitoring them. It was quiet and loud all at the same time. The light was bright. My mama had her eyes closed. Her face was pale. Blood was on the sheets and there was a gash on her face. I felt my legs wavering as if they wanted to collapse from under me. “Do you have the blood working?” the one in charge asked a man who was messing with one of those dripping machines. “It’s ready.” The blood in it looked green, and I sat up in darkness breathing heavily. Blood wasn’t supposed to be green! I felt myself peeing as I sat there trying to catch my breath. I was peeing probably started in the dream I was having. I shivered and pulled the sheets back to see if the bed was wet. It wasn’t. The diaper was just heavy and soggy. I climbed out of bed and walked sheepishly to the door and pushed it open with my forearm. I didn’t want to touch the doorknob. It as dangerous for others to touch what I touch now. I hoped I could get auntie Jenny’s attention without touching her door. The house was eerie and dark. I felt like everything was somehow as if I was in a stranger’s place. The layout seemed to not make any sense. I felt eyes watching me, but knew that everyone should be asleep. I felt an eerie presence, and then I screamed and my eyes popped open. I was in bed. I was soaking wet. The light was on, and I was screaming. “Shush, now, child,” I heard the soothing words of Auntie Jenny. “I’m here, now, honey.” I looked to the side and saw Auntie wiping my forehead with a cool wet cloth. “You just had a nightmare,” she whispered. “They put green blood in my mom,” I whispered back. “Mommy wasn’t sick. They made her sick.” “Sweetheart, please relax,” the woman whispered to me. She seemed to be ignoring that I was telling her that mama was given sick blood. But then, how could I explain knowing that? I wasn’t at the hospital or at least in the room when they did the surgery, and yet, somehow, I think I’d recognize the room had I been brought there. No, but there as no such thing as blood being green, even if it was sick, right? I shook confused and scared. “Baby…,” Auntie Jenny picked me up and put me in her lap rocking me. “It’s okay. Auntie is here, honey.” “Auntie,” I tried again. “Mama wasn’t sick before. She got sick at the hospital. They gave her sick blood.” Auntie looked at me quizzically, with her furrowed eyebrows and her mouth in a thoughtful frown. “Are you sure of this, sweetheart?” I shrugged. If I told her how I knew, she would probably tell me that it as just my wishful thinking, probably. She wouldn’t believe me. I don’t even know how I dreamed it. But I know it was too real to be a regular like dream. It had to be some kind of magical message. “Do you believe in God?” I asked her quietly. “Yes, sweetheart, I do.” “What if I told you God told me that she got sick at the hospital?” Auntie frowned and rubbed my back. “Well, that’s not something to joke around about,” she said sternly. “But…, I’m not,” I looked down and felt my body shiver a little. I knew it was true, that I knew that she was sick, and it was through some kind of magic, so the only way I could explain knowing was that God somehow told me. Auntie Jenny sighed and she helped me get up to my feet where she started to take off my wet diaper. “Hospitals are not usually places that make people sick, sweetheart. They do a lot of things to stop the spread of diseases.” I looked down. “But I know that mama wasn’t sick before. And if she were immune to being sick, then why so suddenly, she’s sick now?” “I don’t know, sweetheart. No one really understands that disease very well. It’s much like cancer, where all the doctors really know how to do with it, is make someone comfortable, but they don’t know what triggers it or how long it takes to kill someone.” “Well, I know that mama got it at the hospital,” I frowned still looking down. “And… God told me.” “Well, wherever she got it, we can’t take a chance until we all know for sure, sweetheart. I’m sorry. You stay in diapers until someone tells us either you are safe, or you’ve already gotten the rest of us sick.” “I don’t care about the diapers,” I sniffled. “I’ll pee my pants if that’s what you want. I just… I want friends. And telling everyone I’m sick with a disease that can kill everyone, and I’m not….” Tears started to trickle down my face. “It’s a harsh disease,” Auntie whispered to me as she got my diaper off and started to fit a clean one against me. “I know it’s hard. And maybe there is a chance you are not sick. The doctors did tests. They will tell us if you are safe, honey.” I sniffled. “I’m not sick, though. Mama wasn’t sick until she went to the hospital. I promise.” “Baby, I don’t know what to think,” she whispered softly as she fixed the tapes. “But for now, be brave. The doctors are testing you. Maybe they will find out you are not sick. Okay?” “Okay,” I still had water seeping out my eyes and my voice was small and crackling. Auntie picked me up with just a diaper on and my sleeping shirt, and she carried me down to the main rooms. I could see that Jason, Theodore, and Van-van were all looking up at her as she put me down on my feet. “It’s still safe to talk to her,” Auntie told the others. “Just don’t touch her, okay?” They all nodded. “We’ll be going to church in a bit, so I want Van-van in the shower while I’m making breakfast.” Van-van sprinted off. Jason went into the living room and turned on the television with Theodore following, but I followed Auntie into the kitchen. “I can’t be changing you at church,” Auntie told me. I looked down. “The problem is that people in this house might have already been exposed, but we don’t know. However, at church most of them have not had a chance of being exposed, so we cannot have your waste fumes in the air.” I frowned. “I understand.” “So, if you don’t want to sit around in a poopy diaper at church, I suggest you try to poop before we leave. I’d be okay being a few minutes late getting in the door to change you here at home. Once we are in the car, though, then you are wearing whatever you do until we get back home. Understand?” “Okay, Auntie.” She smiled. “Good girl. Go ahead and try to get your diaper as messy as you can before time to go. I want you to be at least wet before we go so I can change you and make sure you are comfortable during church.” “I’ll try,” I promised. “Van-van will be trying to use the toilet or pee her pants, too before we leave,” Auntie Jenny told me. “She knows that’s the rule around her, so that she doesn’t have to sit in wet pants when we go to church.” I frowned and sighed. Auntie said that Van-van tries to pee her pants before we leave for church too, sometimes, so I’d probably have to wet my pants even if she didn’t think I was sick. At least the sickness wasn’t the only reason I had to try to poop my pants—or rather, my diaper. We were soon on our way to church though I had not been able to get my body to do anything. Auntie had me sit in the front seat, and she explained to everyone else…. “Even if we had Corinna sit in by one of the doors, you all get in through either door haphazardly, and the idea is we need to limit how often you touch an area she sits on, or especially might leak through her diaper on. I’ve put a towel on the front seat, but that’s not necessarily going to keep the seat dry depending on how much she wets her diapers.” We arrived at church, a large brown building with a cross up the front top of the building. Cars were parking all over the lot, and some people talked to each other even outside. “Good morning,” an elderly woman came to say hi to Auntie Jenny. “Good morning.” “I don’t see Carl.” “The system had to find a better fit for him. He was bullying the other kids, and he wasn’t happy at our place, so they put him in a different home a couple of days ago.” “That’s too bad,” the elderly lady said. “Is that a new child?” “She was supposed to be short term, but her mother isn’t likely to make it out of the hospital.” “That’s really sad,” the elderly lady frowned and then looked down at me. “My name is Edna Anderson. Are you doing okay?” I looked up at Auntie who kept hold my hands to keep me from accidentally shaking anyone’s hands. “She’s a little shy,” Auntie said to Edna to give me an excuse not to shake her hand. “And she’s scared because she’s losing her mama.” “I’m so sad to hear that.” I looked at the ground not wanting to think about my mama dying. The doctor said we still had time together. I didn’t want to think about a world without my mama until I had to. Auntie picked me up and started to carry me even though she said she wasn’t supposed to because I might make her sick. For her wanting to send me back that first night, and her strict rules with the others not touching me, she seemed quite alright breaking the rules with touching me, and got rid of Carl who had been there a bit already before she got rid of me. We went into the quiet atmosphere, music playing as we entered, but it was a quiet respectful kind of music, and people spoke in near whispers. Taking our seats, I looked towards the front. The front has a small stage and to one side, there were numbers on the wall, kind of like the teacher used to put these letters and other things on the wall to teach us stuff. And there were three people sitting on the stage, and then there was a special place to stand with a mic. An elderly man walked up to the stand, and he started to speak. “Good morning brothers and sisters….” He spoke about some stuff I didn’t really understand, and I didn’t really get how it connected to God, but I just sat quietly and let him speak. Then we bowed our heads to pray after singing the song in the book. The numbers at the front of the room were related to the page numbers in the song books. I found that people talked a lot about what or who God was, and they looked up things in the green Bible that I saw Auntie Jenny using. Though they talked about God, they didn’t use the language I expected. The Bible even read a little differently than I thought it was supposed to read. While the words were easier to follow in this Bible, I wasn’t sure if this was the real Bible or not. It left out words like Thee and Thou, and it didn’t have “-th” on the end of some of the words where I’d have expected it. It wasn’t that I really understood those words or the other Bible when it was read, really, but somehow, this Bible didn’t feel real to me. I saw Vanessa next to me, holding herself in her dress, the front of it pressing down between her legs. She was shaking a bit. “Vanessa, stop that this instant,” Auntie whispered to her. “I can’t help it,” Vanessa whimpered. “Honey, that’s why I told you to pee at home. You need to hold it. It’s not polite to pee in the seats of God’s house, and you are not interrupting the speech by parading your need all the way to the bathroom. You can wait twenty minutes.” I saw the look in her face though, her hands pressing her body, and her shaking, and I was pretty sure she was going to pee her pants, but she didn’t have permission to move. Auntie was being really strict right now, and she told her not to wet herself, either. I got a little bit scared. “I’m gonna poop my pants,” Vanessa leaned to me and whispered. “I’m a little bit nervous. I don’t think Auntie will hit me, but she won’t be happy if I poop in church.” “What can I do?” “Nothing, really. I’m just… not sure I can hold it. I didn’t think you should do anything. I’m just…,” and she went quiet. Vanessa squirmed a little bit in her seat and she was shaking her legs. I looked up sadly at Auntie. Tugging at her, I tried to get her attention. “What is it, baby?” “Can you please give Vanessa permission to potty her pants?” “Honey, we are at church….” “I know. But she has to go really bad, and she’s getting scared. She can’t leave her seat, can she?” “No, baby. She can’t.” “Please let her poop her pants, then?” “How do you know she has to do that?” I looked down. “Please?” Auntie studied me for a moment and then looked at Vanessa who was whimpering and tears starting to fall down her face. “Vanessa?” she whispered to her in a softer tone. “Honey, are you starting to wet?” Vanessa didn’t whisper. “Go ahead, sweetie,” Auntie finally relented. “But then you’re going to get mad.” “Honey, if you’ve actually tried to hold it, and you can’t help it, I won’t be mad, but if that’s true, by the time meeting is over, there won’t be any left to go in the potty.” Vanessa nodded. “I’ll try to hold it.” “Honey, if it hurts, you have permission to just go. Just go all the way so everyone knows you didn’t do it on purpose.” Vanessa nodded and bit her lip for a moment, but then spread her legs and started to pee in the seat and everywhere. Auntie turned away from her letting her wet her pants. It started to get on me a little bit, but I didn’t move or say anything. She felt bad enough she had to wet her pants. It took a little bit before it looked like she sat in shame but relief in her puddle, squeezing her legs together causing the water to cascade to the floor. “It’s okay,” I whispered to her. “Auntie gave you permission, right?” Vanessa nodded. “But now I have to go to Sunday School like this.” I frowned. “I’m sorry.” Vanessa sighed. “It’s my fault. I couldn’t pee at home, so I was bound to get embarrassed at church.” “Then you do this sometimes?” “Yeah,” she whispered. “Jason even did it once last month, I think.” “What do the church people say, like your Sunday School teacher?” “The Sunday School teacher is used to me, so she just pretends like nothing interesting happened, but sometimes, the other kids sit further away when I’m wet, and they whisper about it.” “I know what that feels like,” I remembered my last school. “Just ignore them when they whisper. They can’t say anything too mean at church because it would be a bigger sin than doing it at school.” Vanessa nodded and looked down at her wet lap. “You can hold me,” I told her. “Then we can tell the others I peed and not say anything about you peeing.” “That’d be lying,” she whispered a bit of surprise in her eyes. “Not if I really do pee my pants,” I told her. “But… I pooped my pants, remember?” I frowned. “Oh. I mean I can try to do that, too, but it won’t make it not look like you did.” “Exactly, so don’t try to pee your pants.” “Who said I had to try,” I blushed looking down. I had to pee, and I wasn’t allowed to use the toilet, so I was going to pee, probably in Sunday School because the first hour was almost over… but the first hour was really ninety minutes. Jason walked us towards the primary class. He took being the eldest in charge of Auntie Jenny’s kids very seriously when he had to do something like walk us to primary. Theodore held his hand and Vanessa and I walked side by side. I imagine that we would have been holding hands if it were not for the fact that they thought I’d make Vanessa sick by touching her. Jason directed Theodore to sit with him at one of the tables at the back of the room, and Vanessa sat at the other table back there, one chair being open for me. I frowned. This was probably another of Auntie Jenny’s expectations. I wondered why though because if we were closer to the front then there would be less chance to mess around without getting caught. Teachers at school liked to put troublemakers near the front to keep an eye on them. The lady was kind of nice and just told us a story about a man that spoke to God and tried to free his people using words and some of God’s power at first. He seemed like one of those kind of people that teachers at school wanted kids to be like, one that used their words to fix disagreements before getting violent. His name was Moses. I started to wet my diaper. I couldn’t hold it anymore even though I really didn’t think it was good to wet at church. I just knew that getting others sick was wrong, and even if God told me I wasn’t sick, no one else would believe me. So I had no choice. “I’m sorry, God,” I pray a little whisper to heaven when I started to feel it. “I can’t help it.” I felt a peaceful presence over me, though, and thought that maybe it was okay. Maybe God understood that I didn’t have a choice. Even Vanessa went potty in her pants because she didn’t have a choice, and I didn’t think God was mad at her either. “Vanessa? Are you or your new sister playing at your table back there?” the teacher suddenly asked us. “No, Ms. Andrews. Corinna just doesn’t know any better. She’s peeing on accident.” “Oh, no.” The other kids looked back at the four of us, and though their faces didn’t look too surprised, it felt like a few of them snickered about it, but most of them looked sadly at Vanessa. The teacher came back and she shook her head. “Honey, did you have an accident?” Ms. Andrews got closer to me. “It smells like you couldn’t hold it, and pooped your pants?” “Oh, that was me,” Vanessa frowned and shivered a little. “I couldn’t hold it in the big meeting, and Auntie Jenny gave me permission….” Ms. Andrews frowned. “And you didn’t get cleaned up?” “I don’t have a clean diaper with me,” Vanessa went really red. Ms. Andrews frowned and shook her head. “And I accidentally peed,” I whispered up. “I’m sorry I disturbed everyone.” “That’s okay, sweetheart,” she put a tender hand on my shoulder. “Susie?” she looked at another blond girl. “Go take Vanessa to see the toddler teacher, please. And bring the new girl with her. I’ll write a note.” The blond girl stood up and nodded with a small smile. She came to the back, and she frowned when she smelled Vanessa. “Your sister must have pooped her pants,” she whispered to Vanessa. I guess the teacher didn’t ask or say anything loud enough to be heard. “No,” Vanessa whispered. “That wasn’t her. She just wet….” “Oh, not you, Vanessa? Your Aunt is going to kill you!” “She… um… gave me permission in the big meeting because I was being too noticed.” “You’re not going to laugh at us and call us names?” I asked her. “Why would I do that? God would be really mad at me if I made fun of people especially in his house. I would never say mean things to someone on purpose. At school, it’s kind of scary though because if you don’t do what others are doing, they start being mean to you, too.” I nodded. “Yeah, they do.” “Come on, let’s go get the toddle teacher,” she said. We walked into the toddler room, and four other adults were there with a handful of babies. “I’m sorry,” Vanessa said when she came in, but one of the adults quickly went over and took her hand. “And her sister needs help, too,” Susan stood with a hand on her waist. “She’s new.” A young woman walked over where I was and squatted down. “You don’t look wet, sweetheart. Did you poop your pants?” I frowned and looked at the ground. “I…. I’m not supposed to get changed. You have to ask my Aunt Jenny because I am not supposed to say why or let anyone touch my diapers. I wear diapers.” She frowned. “Are you sure you don’t want to be changed?” “Please. I can’t,” I shivered. “Honest. I don’t want anyone to get sick.” The lady gave me a puzzled look, but she nodded. “Okay. Susan can you take her to find her Auntie?” “Okay.” I was taken off where there were only adults, and we quietly walked with our backs bent trying not to be seen until I found Auntie Jenny. “Mrs. Loveland?” Susan whispered. “Your new girl says she’s not allowed to be changed here.” Auntie Jenny sighed. “Your teacher sent you to take her to the toddler room?” “Yeah. She wet herself and Vanessa had poop in her pants.” “I know Vanessa did. I told her to go at home, but she just forgot or something I guess.” Susan nodded like it was something that happened all the time. “Well, I’ll talk to the toddler teachers and your primary teacher about Corinna later, but Corinna is not to get her diapers changed at church. The adults that need to know will understand.” Susan nodded. “Just take her back to class with you, honey. Be good,” Auntie Jenny added looking right at me. I smiled and nodded. “Please don’t tell anyone I didn’t get changed,” I whispered to Susan when we were safely back in the hall away from the big meeting. “Why can’t someone just change you though?” “I… I’m sick, and it might make someone else sick. That’s what Auntie says.” “I’ve never heard of that before,” Susan tried to reach for my hand. “I’m sorry,” I felt tears in my eyes. “I’m not allowed to hold anyone’s hand, not even Vanessa’s.” Susan looked at me weird and she stopped as though thinking about what was going on. “Are you sure you should even be here?” I looked down. “I… I don’t know, but Auntie brought me. It must be okay. I’m not going to touch anything people need. I didn’t even touch a song book or anything. I don’t use the toilets either, so you don’t have to worry about that.” Susan’s eyes knitted together like she couldn’t understand what I was talking about. I didn’t say anything more. I was kind of scared of what I was supposed to have. I didn’t think I had it though. I thought God told me I didn’t. Still, what was more scary, was that Susan was really confused I realized that maybe I would be confused, too. I didn’t know much about this sickness that they thought mommy gave me, but it was true that I didn’t think any other sickness caused you to be so careful unless you were just supposed to stay home and get better.

"Oh, sweetheart? You are used to being checked on all the time? Didn't anyone ever teach you how to go potty, or have you been to see a doctor to find out why you keep wetting your pants?" He rocked her. "Well..., I want to keep you safe, so until I know for sure that you can do certain things safely, on your own, I'll be insisting you have a babysitter when I have to be at work, whether that be the teacher at your school or if I need to put you with someone to watch you. The only sleepovers you'll have is at our home until I get to know your friends' parents, and know that they won't be cruel about you needing to be changed every few hours for your health. And of course, anything else reasonable. I can't really tell you everything because I don't know everything that will come up. I've never had someone thirteen years old to watch before, so I'm sure you'll want to do things that I'll have to be sure is safe for you before I just say yes. You've found yourself someone that wants to keep you safe. Is that okay?" He put his hands between her legs and checked her diaper anyway to show her he meant it, he was going to check her from now on to make sure, but since Cheryl had just changed her, she wouldn't be wet just then. (please?) Cheryl reached out her hand and took the little one to the changing room first. Lifting her up on the changing bed, she started to change her. She didn't think the girl understood much, but she still told her. Who knew how much she actually knew and just didn't know how to communicate yet? Maybe she did know or understand even if she couldn't say the words yet. It wasn't like the program paid for someone to teach the child any English. "Someone has come to see you. He maybe taking you home with him to live. It would probably be a permanent home, if things work out. He wants a younger child, and you are around the age he wants." She pulled down the child's pants and shook her head. She wished she had more clothes to give the children to wear. Her pants were old, dirty-stained, and ripped. She pulled them off seeing a wet patch, though it was small and faint around the crotch where it leaked a tiny amount. Then she saw the flimsy diaper that the program allowed her to buy the children that needed them, and it was so heavy it was so wonder it had not completely wet all over her pants. Of course the poor child still didn't really know how to ask to use the bathroom or even that she peed her pants... At least, as far as Cheryl knew. Being off on her own all the time, reading and coloring, meant she interacted less with the other kids there her age, and that was probably a good thing for her. Some of them gossiped about her peeing her pants and called her a baby behind her back, but not in a nice way. They acted like she was stupid, but lucky for her, she didn't understand all the words they said... only that they were pointing at her and being mean. When Cheryl had the little one in a clean diaper, she sighed at the wet pants, and draped them over her arm. "Come on, sweetheart," she whispered. "Let's go meet the man that might take you home with him, and while you are talking I'll try to find you something to wear." She had her by the hand, taking her towards the office. Some of the others started laughing at her the moment they saw her in an exposed diaper, at which Cheryl told them to either return to what they were doing, or they can help her do some extra chores. That put them off from making fun of her for the moment.

"Actually, sweetheart? I want a little girl. If you are still peeing your pants, then you are still a little girl. Especially if it's not medical, but something with stress or something. I'd love to have a thirteen year old little girl, if you are okay with that?" He actually reached for her arms, trying to get her to stand up and come and sit in his lap. "The bigger question for you, is would you be okay with me checking your diapers and making sure you stay cleaned up and dry? I can see how embarrassed you were to admit you have problems, so I can only imagine how hard it will be for you to tell me you've peed the first few times, and because you would be scared of me knowing, you might wear wet pants all day, that wouldn't be good for your health. So... Can I have permission to check and change you if it looks like you were either too busy or too scared to let on you had an accident?" He tried to rub her back while holding her, if she let him put her in his lap. "I promise, I'll never get mad for wet pants, even if you leak on the sofa or chair or whatever. What I will get a little worried about though, is you lying about peeing your pants or not letting yourself get checked after sitting in it too long. The reason I'd be worried about it, is whatever is going on, I don't want to make it worse by causing skin problems and possibly infections that aren't there, yet. Does that make sense?" He tried to whisper so as to be less scary, and he tried to rub her back in his lap as he talked to her trying to let her know it was alright. "And I'm not going to ask you if you are wet the first few times, actually...," he thought about it. "The reason is... you are thirteen. You'd be tempted to lie to me, and it's not your fault to ask you something scary and then accuse you of being a liar, so I'll just check you until you get used to me enough you can tell me you've peed, okay?" "You will have to forgive me. I haven't had a child for over ten years, so if I get a little... well, over protective and a little silly on the rules, well, we'll have to figure those out together. You do what I say no matter what at first because it's my job to protect you, but we can talk about rules that you find unfair, and if I can't really explain myself on the rule, then I'll seriously give it thought. I don't promise to change it, but I will think about changing it, if I honestly find that you are right and a certain rule doesn't make sense. Is that okay with you? Now, even if you find something unfair, but I feel there is a reason for it, such as I need to check you for a few days to make sure you're not being too scared to tell me you've wet, you have to obey the rule though." When she said that it was the part he would say he wouldn't want her, and he started to tell her he actually wanted her, Cheryl thought that was the perfect time to go get the other little girl, so she didn't hear about his demands of her to let him just check her and of him trying to coax her into his lap thinking that would relax her, and help her realize that he didn't expect her to be a perfect person or a robot. As Cheryl went into the reading area, where she knew it was likely to see Ruby reading an English learning book, she smiled as she looked around. "Two girls in one day! The same family! This is a great day!" That's what she thought of this, hoping nothing would destroy what was happening right now. "Ruby?" she called for the little foreigner. While the little foreign girl didn't respond to many phrases, she at least recognized her name being called even if she sounded like she was loobie, or doobie to Cheryl when she said it.

"Your skin color?" that one surprised him more than anything else. Surely, there were other Latino families that would have accepted her skin tone. But even wetting her pants, even at ten years old, might be surprising a bit, but it shouldn't have been a reason to hurt this child by making her feel unwanted. It was probably something a doctor needed to look into or something. "Sweetheart, this is going to be a little embarrassing. I know how scary it might be, but can you please tell me? Do you still wet the bed?" He smiled at her, but his smile was sad given what she said and what he already knew about her situation. "If you'll be patient with me for a minute, I want to meet another girl, but if you are okay with it, even if you still wet the bed, I want to bring you home with me, okay?" He didn't know she was in a diaper now, or that she actually peed herself in the daytime, but even if he did know..., he would not let that be the reason to throw her away. For all he cared, she could poop her pants, and he'd still take her in, though he would definitely have her see a counselor or something if it was that bad. Body problems, and needing to see a doctor is one thing, but pooping herself at her age all the time, with no documented medical reason for it, then it would have risen a red flag that she probably needed some mental help.

James frowned as he looked over the girl. She seemed a little more mature than her looks would first suggest, and she spoke with a bit more confidence than he thought she would when she told him her name was Liz, not Lizzy. "Please forgive me, young lady. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I should have asked if it was okay to call you something before just doing so." He looked at the file that had a lot to say about nothing in it. She had been passed to over ten families in the course of two years, and then nothing. No one wanted her after she had turned ten. He couldn't figure out why. The only real example of how she was a problem was given as she peed the bed from the time she was eight until the last family said no to her when she was ten maybe going on eleven. "Your file... doesn't really tell me much about you. It says you were abandoned when you were eight, but other than that, it accuses you to being trouble but doesn't really say how you caused much trouble." He glanced at her pants. They were dry and seemed clean. Her hair seemed clean. It didn't look like she had any trouble dressing herself or staying clean. She might have even been better than most thirteen year olds, unless she was trying to look neater just for him. "You know, don't you?" he asked her trying to be conversational about it. "I wouldn't have thought bad if your shirttails were out or if you didn't have your hair just freshly combed. You're still a young teen, and it is unreasonable to think that young teens are perfect." He smiled at her. "If you are just always neat, then that's a credit to you, but don't feel like you have to be all the time around me if it's not natural. I'm looking for a natural kid, not a robot to live in my home."

"Baby, please try to be a little more positive, please. I really am worried about you going to the teen home. Things are going to be a lot harder there, and just maybe this one will be the one that saves you going there." She reached out her hand. "Come on, sweetheart. At worst, he says he doesn't want a teenager, and at best, he keeps you and actually makes you a good home, you know? I know it's so hard to hope in your place, but right now, this guy might be the only thing between you having a better place to be a young girl, and a place that will just look at you as a number that they will barely worry about you eating or not." They walked down the hall and into the office where James had been reading her file. Last placed in a home nearly three years ago. Returned because she was considered a trouble kid that caused one problem after another. Bedwetting at ten years old.... James shook his head and frowned at the file. "Okay...," he thought to himself thinking about the fact a ten year old was a little old to be wetting the bed... but they didn't give any good examples about how she was a problem kid. The worst might be she was wetting the bed due to either stress, fear, or maybe even an actual problem? That wouldn't explain the need to give up on her, at least not to him. He looked up when the lady brought in the little thirteen year old. "Lizzy?" he asked as she came in. The file said her nickname was Liz, but well, she looked a lot younger than thirteen in person to him. She seemed really withdrawn and even a little scared, but maybe he could be misreading the signs. "Hey, sweetheart. Can you come and talk with me for a minute?" He looked at what she was wearing, trying to measure her up for not only how scared she might be, but how good or bad she had it for being taken care of such as having clothes to wear, the state of her hair, and if she looked clean. He had heard horror stories about how kids were sometimes treated.

"Baby, that's why I'm trying to find you a better place to go to before they send you off to a place like that. Now, hold still a moment...." She sighed as she helped her into a clean diaper, and then put some powder in there to keep her skin from getting irritated. "I've been trying to talk to the state about having you see a counselor, too, but money is a little tight. They say they can't do that right now." Of course, Cheryl had mentioned to poor Liz that she had wanted her to see a counselor a few times in the last nearly year she's had her. She wanted her to see a counselor because she wanted to see if there was a way to help her with the wetting especially during the day. Of course, the state never really cared as much for the children in the system as it did other projects that Cheryl honestly thought as a waste of tax payer's money. She got her diaper on her and slipped her pants back up. "You really should try to pay a little closer attention to when you are wet, though, honey. You could get an irritation from the pee being against your skin, and it's also possible to get an infection from wearing soggy stuff all the time. Both of those things would be really uncomfortable to say the least." She smiled. "Okay, let's go meet this James, guy, okay?" Cheryl smiled again. "I'll be right there while you meet him, and you can ask him anything while I'm there. The only time I might leave you for a moment, is when he wants to see the other kid he's been promised."