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spark
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Posts posted by spark
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1 hour ago, Reddy said:
I've gotten a lot of criticism and red flags pointed out. But it's weird to me that it's being called unethical. That seems like really a different argument. I've been very pleasant in my thread, more so than a lot of the red flag wavers. You sound butthurt too, btw. You must not be in a good place I guess. And you really missed the point because I was talking about the healthcare topic that was brought up, whereas you took it back to your unrelated prior thoughts about people ignoring so called red flags.
You've heard the red flags, but you haven't processed through them. It sounds like you're desperate for confirmation that you would be doing the right thing
I don't see how I'm butthurt or in a bad place. First of all, I'm finally in a good place with my level of incontinence/unpotytraining. I perfectly happy to wear a diaper 24/7 and pee in it almost all the time. My potty training is now at the same level as a three-year-old who doesn't want to use the potty, which is what I wanted in the first place. It took a long time to get there but I knew that was what I wanted when I got there.
I'm also not butthurt because I'm far too old to be concerned with the opinions of random anonymous people on the internet. You're an adult, and you choose to disregard the red flags, that's on you.
As for the surgery being unethical: I hope we all can agree there is a line where it goes too far. The culture of this board, and especially this thread, is this is a surgery that is life-affirming and will help somebody feel whole. IMO, and it's just my opinion, I think it crosses that line.
I'm going to show you two absurd examples of examples that cross the line. The first is people with an amputation fetish and seek to have limbs amputated (PS- it a real thing). I would hope we would discourage people from amputating a healthy limb even though they feel that it is required to be fulfilled. I see this surgery as an extension of that surgery.
The other situation happens far too often and doesn't even require you to visit a doctor to do it. It is permanent and destroys multiple lives. I would hope that we would never encourage anybody to do that to themselves. IMO- if we can't draw the line there, we are f-d.
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3 hours ago, Reddy said:
So we can't get any healthcare while also having privacy about what we've done? I don't agree that it's unethical. I think it's okay to become the person you want to be, whether it's getting a tattoo, doing extreme sports, having children, or being incontinent, and then get healthcare in spite of that condition.
If you don't like my healthcare needs then don't buy the same insurance as me. Or just pay cash for your healthcare.
You missed the point of the post, and you sound butthurt because other people don't agree with you.
It goes back to what I've always thought when I read these posts from people seeking these types of surgeries. Most- if not all of them, have convinced themselves that this type of surgery is the sole thing that will make them whole with their MH. They ignore serious red flags, like the fact that the surgery is only performed by certain surgeons in countries with limited medical regulations (Mexico or Thailand). They react negatively to anybody who points out the red flags. In my opinion, if you are getting butthurt over criticism, you're not in a good place. It is more likely that you will be worse off after the surgery because permanent non-reversible incontinence isn't what you might think it is.
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21 hours ago, ValentinesStuff said:
Out of curiosity I googled the cost of day spa packages locally. The prices ranged from $200 - 750 for a full day. These included full body massages, facials, pedicures, and a haircut. None listed a time element.
Now I have no idea exactly what the Diaper Spa actually offers in services. I doubt they are offering the beauty treatments, but if they offer diaper changes and feedings, and other interaction they prices aren't out of line. Especially since you aren't going to be sharing facilities with random strangers. I think regular spas have multiple customers in the building at the same time.
Still not going to go there.
I look at the prices, and they don't seem unreasonable. $300 for a spa treatment is about what you would expect. $1,500 for a night might seem excessive, but it is all-inclusive they'll change your diaper. I don't think it's that excessive for an all-inclusive 24-hour experience. I'd rather travel, but they are not charging exorbitant prices.
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7 hours ago, MinnesotaWriter said:
This is where I'm very much influenced by the story "Mimi's Struggle." There was an alternative ending written -- though I'm not even sure where to find it anymore, it's been ages and ages since I read it (and in retrospect, I don't really endorse doing that without an author's permission) -- where Mimi goes to live with a friend from school and learns to handle her incontinence issues independently. I always really preferred that conceptually to having a kid get trapped with a crazy parent who isn't allowing them to develop and mature despite their disabilities.
That sounds a lot like the story that I'm writing currently. In my story, the protagonist is a grown man who has a growth disorder (I looked it up and a real thing). The mom gaslights her son in such a way that he ends up being trapped with a mother who won't let him grow up. The question becomes how they can escape.
I can see a lot of influences in your writing, but you've done it in a way that makes it feel real.
7 hours ago, MinnesotaWriter said:Yep, and Samantha has some baby stuff of her own at her place as well. I think the biggest challenge for Sarah will be figuring out her relationships with all her friends evolve/change based on
Most of your audience has experience with that struggle, and we know that it comes in waves. At first those waves were very high, and the troughs were very low. Eventually those waves leveled out and weren't quite as drastic.
Samantha will have her own journey to go through, but Sarah has to process it while dealing with trauma. She will remember that lack of stress that she had while stuck in the crib. I suspect Lisa and Desi will end up 'babysitting' a few times in the next few years.
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27 minutes ago, BabySofia said:
I guess I was thinking they wouldn't have gotten her to the dad yet. It's only been a week? I'm willing to bet my initial read was wrong though.
I had a pretty good idea of what decision Sarah would make, but that is only because I could see this from the perspective of a story winding down.
In MW's credit, he did a great job portraying the decision that Sarah made within the confines of keeping a story engaging.
I love the way that MW wrote Amanda's character. FTR- it is similar to how I deal with my students. I'm pragmatic, and I don't deal with the MH. Amanda is not ignoring the MH, but it's not the most important thing for her. The most important thing for Amanda is getting her a place to stay. He did a good job channeling a case manager.
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My earliest memories come from when I was 4, but I might have been 3. All I know from before then is what I've been told. I suspect that Emilia will not remember much about her potty training experience later in life, but she probably remembers being treated like a baby right now. It had to be confusing for her when they traveled out of town without Sarah, and what lies Mom told her when she left.
We also don't know anything about her dad, other than he is the type of guy who would sleep with a crazy woman the first night they met. At least he is stepping up to take care of the daughter that he never knew, but that family just bit a lot more than most families could handle.
From a story standpoint, I don't think Sarah could choose Wisconsin. The story needs closure between Sarah and her friends. I'm wondering if she was tempted to put the pacifier in her mouth. Right now I think she is adverse to the baby items, but I suspect that might come back.
Sidenote- I hope the Higgins take Lisa and Sarah on a nice trip for spring break. I don't think either one of them have been anywhere.
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17 minutes ago, ABAlex said:
so to be clear "Grade" students, as in grades 1-12 plus kindergaten, or whatever it is near you. Not "grad" school as in after college. I meant I had heard anecdotally that teachers are complaining way more people in grade school still need diapers then ever before.
I thought you were saying that more adults wear diapers than kids, which I believe is true.
I think your point is true, but the true numbers are exaggerated by the articles.
As for the article- I don't think it's something that can be legislated. It is often asserted that kids can't go to Kindergarten if they aren't potty trained unless they have an IEP. I've never seen any evidence that this is true, and I know that school is compulsory from age 6. I'm a bit of an expert on IEPs, and lack of bladder control is not a qualifying disability. The district must offer an education to a 6-year-old, even if they still can use the toilet independently and it can't be in a special education classroom unless they have an IEP.
IMO- we start school absurdly early in the USA. Most of my students will graduate as 17-year-olds, which means they started Kindergarten right after their 5th birthday, or while they were 4. Some didn't turn 5 until late November. BTW- that age gap doesn't improve over time. I'm sorry, but 13-year-olds are not ready for High school, even if they are bright.
I was bright, but I was delayed. I just barely potty trained on my 5th birthday, which was when I could have started Kindergarten. Fortunately, my mom decided to keep me out until my 6th birthday. As it was- I was still behind my peers and didn't catch up until I was in 11th grade. Academically, I might have been okay, but I wasn't emotionally ready for any of it.
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Traveling with diapers.
I love to travel, but diapers are bulky. Half of my suitcase is devoted to diapers when I travel. It can be PITA to dispose of used diapers when I'm not at hotel. Other than that, everything is fine. Okay- leaks suck as well, which is why I don't like Pull-ups.
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54 minutes ago, Allman90 said:
If she goes with Emilia, she'll end up having to recite everything that happened over and over as Emilia questions things. Otherwise a clean slate would be very appealing in its own way.
Does she value her sister over her friends? How much does what happened to her affect that?
And no matter what anyone says, she has a limited time to make that choice.
The struggles continue.
Much like Hollywood movies, and with the secret CPS reporter, I think I know which direction MW will go. There is one direction that opens up a whole other narrative, and the other provides some closure.
The realism is what makes this story so good. There are very creative reaches that MW uses in this story, and those make sense when he is required to tell a story. In reality, she is faced with a very difficult decision, and it is made even worse because Sarah can't get out of her own head. I reread the section where she is weighing the pros and cons, and she is concerned about how the friend group will receive her.
The four girls appear to have a very strong bond, and Lisa appears to be the tipster who rescued Sarah from a horrific fate. I think the three girls would be extremely relieved and proud of the role they played in saving Sarah's life, and Sarah will feel the same way once she gets more than a week out from her rescue.
I fully expect that Lisa will have a hard time dealing with Sarah's acceptance of diapers, and Sarah and Samantha will process the baby treatment in their relationship. I suspect that Sarah's 'babyness' will be like a sin wave that gets tighter and settles closer to being little than hating it.
Desi and Lisa need to make sure that Samantha is between them and elbow her in the ribs if she gets too inquisitive about Sarah's treatment.
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6 hours ago, ABAlex said:
I've now seen multiple references to there apparently being way more people in grad school who still need diapers these days. Is there any actual proof its true, or just people exagerating?
Obviously there are always medical conditions, but you'd think those would be the same amount each generation.
I bet the numbers are close, but still favor Kindergartners. There are 4 million K's in the USA. A complete guestimate that 2% have more than 2 accidents a week, and therefore need diapers/Pull-ups would mean 80,000 K's who aren't potty trained. There are 3.2 Million grad students, which would mean 2.5% would need to be in diapers/Pull-ups. PS- I bet that number is higher than 1%.
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I believe that goes against IDEA. I don't why you would have a law that contradicts existing law, but that's what happens when politicians want to get some attention.
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4 hours ago, MinnesotaWriter said:
It's OK, as a writer I wasn't aware they were half-sisters until several dozen chapters in, when I realized that was really the only way the story would make sense.
One of the reasons that I try to complete my narratives before I start publishing it is that I got tired of writing myself into a corner.
I had questions about the father in the story, but it didn't seem important to the story. I visualized Emilia as a four-year-old until I realized she was three years old. That would be an 11 year gap between the children, which would mean Sarah would know her father, and it would be hard to explain why she didn't reference him after all her troubles. The one takeaway from this is just how isolated Sarah has been all her life. She couldn't sleepover, and couldn't have friends come over to her house.
I also have this vision of what Emilia's dad was thinking when he learned about Emilia. His wife must be the most understanding woman of all time considering that she was willing to take in Emilia and Sarah. Your husband, who you just had a child with had a short-term relationship with a crazy lady who didn't even tell him that she was pregnant. Now you are the mother of an infant, a preschooler, and possibly a high school student.
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15 minutes ago, JustaFoxGirl said:
This is honestly such a brilliant part of it. Sarah, after 15 years of living under her mother and her rules, not being able to do what she wants unless given permission, finally gets to make a serious decision for herself. This is the first real step on her road of recovery.
I didn't even think about that. I keep my students through their entire high school career, which would really suck for them if they hate me. Watching the emotional growth they show between the first day of high school is amazing. Freshmen are just dumb (sorry- but it's the truth. I was dumb as a Freshman). Sarah has been sheltered because her mom didn't let her grow up. Yet- she parentified Sarah by making her an indentured servant.
I kind of know which decision will make. We all need closure on Lisa, Samantha, and Desi.
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40 minutes ago, Lost Little Neppy said:
My dad headcanon, by the way, was that Emilia and Sarah were full-blooded sisters. Dad probably loved Mom, and loved his daughter, but hated the way she was being treated. And the addition of another baby was the straw that broke the camel's back. Divorce, maybe a custody battle, but Mom had a better lawyer or the judge was biased or both. This, sadly, is also something that happens in real life.
I didn't know what to make of Sarah and Emilia's dad. Up to this point, I assumed they were full sisters. I just could never conceive of a way that Sarah would have no reference to her dad.
FTR- from a narrative standpoint, I think the way her father was disclosed worked out for the best. Up until this point, it didn't matter that Emilia was a half-sister. As a reader, we didn't need to know that Emilia and Sarah were half-sisters. I think it might have distracted from the story because Sarah didn't think of Emilia that way.
15 minutes ago, MinnesotaWriter said:Emilia also seemed to enjoy being a big sister, even in a way that wasn't healthy. So to be an actual one to a younger half-sibling would be a better dynamic for her.
I'm wondering how you will address the relationship between Emilia and Sarah in the sequel. At that point Emilia will be 9 or 10. There is a pediatrician who wrote that the 'empathy' of 8-year-old girls is oh so heartwarming, but Emilia would likely have only vague memories of the two months of being her big sister's big sister.
PS- I hope that you let us see Mom get arrested when you write the screenplay. I also want to see the interrogation where the good cop asked, "WHY?"
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25 minutes ago, Nat said:
Not many abused kids get a happy ending like Sarah.
This is why the Hollywood ending is better. We know that real life, especially for foster kids SUCKS!
However, I know that teachers adopting in
similar situations does happen, and at least in the one case, I know of- a good outcome. The girls both graduated from college and are still a part of the family.
47 minutes ago, AndTheChips said:Okay I’m really stuck on one thing this chapter reminded me that I hadn’t processed that freaks me out and I NEED to know it isn’t a real thing and is just a story thing: the video game club/team thing is a SCHOOL sanctioned thing? And they play FORTNITE?! How is that remotely okay?!?! I have met and worked with and heard from friends who work with teens in many capacities and I am TERRIFIED by and SHOCKED by this concept in the real world.
That part didn't catch me as strange. I don't pay attention to stuff like that at my school, but I'm almost certain that we have a gaming club. I had kids play GTA when I taught middle school, so it's not like they are unfamiliar with those games. It is just my opinion as a high school teacher, but I don't think it's a good idea to coddle teenagers. They have 4 years to become an adult, and they have a long way to go. My question of the day was: What is the best part of being an adult? Two said driving. Two said they didn't know anything good about being an adult (one will turn 18 in a few months- which scared me). Only two answered with "I can do what I want to do."
I know the decision dominated the end of this chapter, but I can just imagine what the doctor was thinking when he learned that Sarah had mostly eaten baby food for two months. It's not a medical condition, it's because your stomach doesn't know how to handle chicken nuggets, especially with sauce on it.
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Great Chapter. and boy is that a tough decision
The poor girl has a long way to go and needs a lot of time.
There are so many questions. I'm glad Emilia has a family to go to, and a 3-year-old would transition to her father's family fairly quickly. She will love being an actual big sister, and there won't be much of a gap.
Emilia wouldn't recognize that she was treated as the golden child, but Sarah might have some hidden resentment. She has two choices because a group home would be brutal, and no chance of getting adopted. The Higgins could give her a home, and there is a support structure in her house. It wouldn't mean that Sarah would totally abandon Emilia. She would be able to visit her from time to time, especially after she is college.
There is a life bond between Sarah and Lisa. I don't think Sarah quite sees that she was worth being saved, but she will realize that Mom tried to destroy her life.
Just FTR- this was all because Sarah bought herself some Pull-ups to keep herself from wetting her pants! I spent the last last three years screaming "Sarah, tell somebody what is going on, Please!" Now it is, "Sarah, your mom turned you into a baby for two months because you bought yourself some Pull-ups to cover up incontinence. You know that there is a medical reason that you peed your pants."
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25 minutes ago, JustaFoxGirl said:
Obviously it's not right what happened, but I don't think anyone here can fault her for how she felt about it by the end. It was just very much the absolute worst way to come to that conclusion. Jane, however, doesn't want her to be a baby and instead is telling her that being in diapers doesn't mean she's a baby, but that may conflict with Lisa and Samantha. Lisa doesn't want to be in diapers, so she's not a baby according to what Sarah's mother has instilled in her. Samantha on the other hand DOES want to be in diapers so that makes her a baby, which is what she wants. That puts Sarah right in the middle as she both needs diapers, and (thanks to the abuse) wants to be a baby (although she's currently struggling with that as well). If she does end up hating it, how will Samantha and Lisa react? It's easy to say Samantha gives it up out of respect, but, once again, I think many of us can relate to how that isn't so easy.
@MinnesotaWriter has confirmed that he was influenced by Redemption, which touches on that theme.
I don't think mine comes from trauma, because I had it before my mom passed away. But my push got a lot stronger after my mom died. Others among us can trace their push to trauma, so we know that can happen.
I'm going to assume that the four will be reconnected, which I think is a good thing for Sarah. I don't know enough about Samantha, but I wonder how the three will react to each other. I think there is a reason MW went through the whole sleepover narrative.
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1 hour ago, Don Incognito said:
ABUniverse has a Japanese site, and they can ship to a Kuroneko Yamato office for pickup:
Also, Amazon Japan carries LittleForBig diapers, and they appear to have something analogous to Amazon Locker (called Amazon Pickup)
I'm also looking into going to Japan, and I have some questions myself:
Is there any possibility that bringing adult onesies and diapers through customs would raise any eyebrows? I've never had anything happen flying domestically, but last time I traveled to a different continent, I got the SSSS boarding pass (secondary screening) - Is there any cause for concern, or am I worrying about nothing?
Elsewhere, I've heard it stated that Japan has relatively few public trash cans - how much of a problem would this actually be, at least assuming that I'm not going to be too far from the tourist-y parts (Tokyo then Nagasaki)?
I can't answer the second one yet, but I'll have some good insight when I get back in July. I'm taking a tour, so I have a guide that should help with research. For me- Hiroshima was the non-negotiable. I haven't seen much about Nagasaki. It's a smaller city and not very close to Tokyo. If you remind me, I'll give you the rundown when I get back.
I've traveled enough overseas that I don't think the onesies and diapers will cause much concern. I can't remember the last time I had my bag examined in customs.
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25 minutes ago, BabySofia said:
The only world in which that would work is if there is a total gag order on the information on the case. If mom immediately pled guilty and spared her the trial, that might help that. She does have friends there which would be the only positive thing to return there assuming she lives with Lisa after that. (Assuming they salvage things after learning the horrors she went through. I like to think most teenagers like them would be empathetic to a friend in that situation).
I personally think another city would be safest, but then she has zero support system, so that will be a double edged sword.
The one thing we know is that the poor girls life has been completely upended here. Hope we get a new chapter tomorrow at the same time as the WattPad chapter? I have to work late, it'd be nice to come back to one! 🙂
You hit on the real tragedy, and that has to be what Sarah is thinking at the point where we are in the story, which is sleeping in a hospital room likely 4 hours after being rescued from her crib. She probably isn't thinking of school. She is smart enough to know that her mom won't be part of her life. Does she want to see Lisa, Desi, and Samantha?
You're right about teenagers. I witness it every day, most teens are empathetic, wonderful young men and women. One-on-one, they are great. They just don't want to be the runt when they are in a group and can be ruthless. FTR- adults can be jerks as well, and they have the benefit of experience. Trust me, the worst kid ain't got nothing on a power-hungry adult.
it's a huge testament that we are trying to think this through as though Sarah is a real person, and not just a character in a story. Sadly, it's a real situation. I don't think there has ever been a case in which an able-bodied teenager was kept as an infant by a sadistic mother (serious- changing poopy diapers every four hours to prove a point😬). The real-life cases are worse than what @MinnesotaWriter wrote.
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3 hours ago, Nat said:
I have seen media saying things like how a kid was found in a bed in a soiled diaper or something. I just assume that kid was special needs and they were neglected or why else would they be wearing a soiled diaper, a kid with IC issues would change it themselves unless they were incapable so special needs is a reasonable assumption to make if the kid was 15.
Returning to another school wouldn't necessarily be a problem. I don't know if they would give her another name, but that is common in cases where a long-term kidnapping victim is saved.
The media wouldn't identify Sarah, especially because she is still alive. However, the details of how she was found would be presented, especially if there is a trail. If there is a trail, the media will also release Mom's name. They also would likely identify which part of town where Sarah was found.
Students would know that the person found in a soiled diaper would be a student at their school. Social Media is a bitch for cases like this because all it takes is one kid to realize that Sarah's sudden departure from school coincided with the timing of the abuse, and now she is no longer living with her mother. Especially if somebody realized that Sarah needed diapers or Pull-ups. If she returns to the school, she will be asked where she was and what happened, and I don't think that would be best for Sarah.
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My trip this year is 3 weeks in Japan. I don't think I can carry enough diapers with me to make it through the 3 weeks, so I might need to buy some in Japan while I'm there. Where can you buy adult diapers in Japan?
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MW posted the remainder of this chapter on Wattpad today and shared that this story now has over 200,000 words. I looked up the lengths of novels and it's longer than all but one of the Harry Potty books. That's impressive.
PS- The writing is stronger as well, but that's just my opinion.
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15 minutes ago, JustaFoxGirl said:
Yea, absolutely. Lisa was the last person to see her, and the way Sarah acted was a huge red flag. For how long it took, maybe her friends just thought Sarah was having a bad time of everything and needed space. Maybe Lisa and the others went to Sarah's house and tried to see her, and something her mother did or said tipped them off.
As I've mentioned before, when the truth of Sarah's abuse becomes known to her friends, I wonder how that affects established relationships. I'm hopeful for an ending that is hopeful itself, but the story is extremely realistic and I know real-life doesn't always go in a positive way.
We've already speculated on the chances that she return to her High School. If this were real life, it would be viral. My school is huge, and students would still figure out who she was. That would be a nightmare for Sarah because kids are a-holes. Of course, we know from real-life examples, that adults are a-holes as well.
I think the 4 girls have a solid friend group, especially after their experience at the sleepover. If one of the girls reported it, there would be a life bond between them
Question: how long would the mom have followed through with this? The Austrian dude kept his daughter in a dungeon for 20+ years.
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52 minutes ago, MinnesotaWriter said:
When I was putting together that backstory for LIsa, I did have the thought of what if this was the Mom's backstory instead, which could have been an interesting insight into what could be driving her behavior, but ultimately I decided I wanted to use Diapers Never Lie to tell Lisa's story. There isn't any relation between LIsa's mom and Sarah's mom.
You've meshed out a great narrative. Some side plots didn't seem to advance the plot and ultimately played a bigger role than I thought at the time. Even your Red Herring with the whole Claire thing advances the plot. The Sleepover/Black Friday bit seemed like a Red Herring, but I think Samantha's discovery played a role in Sarah's brainwashing
FTR- I don't think it would make sense for both families to be related because there isn't much in common between the two women.
52 minutes ago, MinnesotaWriter said:I think this chapter answers part of that. I don't think there is really a lot of research on that, but my best guess is it messes with your digestive system, so that switching back to a regular diet (and in this case, greasy fast food, could cause some bowel issues while re-adjusting)
Hospital food would be the first step. Healthy 15-year-olds don't poop much more than once a day. Did mom come by at lunch to feed and change Sarah, as she promised, or did Sarah stay in her poopy diaper from when Mom left to when she came back from work?
36 minutes ago, JustaFoxGirl said:What was interesting is the anonymous tip said Sarah was being beaten and unfed, and CPS apparently sprang into action as soon as possible. They didn't do much investigating since they didn't know anything beyond Sarah's father not being in the picture. I think it's pretty clear who made the call, but I guess the remaining question is, why did they take so long to take action? I'm very intrigued to see how that pans out.
I can wager a guess, but I'm not 100% certain. An anonymous tip doesn't meet mandated reporter requirements.
There is no way that anybody would any known the truth. Lisa might have sensed something was going on after the weird exchange at the mall, especially if she noticed that Sarah was in a diaper. But it took two months for CPS to act. Maybe that's what it took for Lisa to say before she could somebody to act on it. Lisa was physically locked in a room and had to hide in a closet because her mom was going to beat her with a tire iron. I don't think she was fed regularly either.
PS- the release of this chapter was 2nd best thing to happen to me today. Until 5 o'clock, this was a hard win, but then I sent myself into timeout because I was whining too much. Things looked a lot better after I came out of time-out😁
For non-American Football Fans, I'm a big football fan and I live in the SF Bay Area.
All My Mother's Rules (Ch. 70 & Epilogue - 2/13/24)
in Completed Stories
Posted
This story wouldn't have worked if Sarah was a PITA. I think knowing Samantha's issues help Sarah through her two-month sentence in the crib. Sarah might even have a greater understanding of Samantha's desire because she has lived that reality.
I'll make a bold prediction that tomorrow's update will deal with Sarah's first interaction with Lisa since the mall. Sarah is still hung up over the fact that she told Lisa to F-off the last time she saw her, and Lisa is likely so relieved that Sarah is now safe in a home.
Ps- those girls need a really cool trip.