Jump to content
LL Medico Diapers and More Bambino Diapers - ABDL Diaper Store

Mama Melody

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    177

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Mama Melody

    "It'S Because I Trust You To Help Me Die..."

    in Restlessfox's Depression Discussion

    Posted

    Gifted me? GIFTED ME?

    IT IS NOT AWESOME!

    It is a horrible situation on all accounts!

    I had to stand before a dying woman in epic amounts of pain and say that I could not help her end her suffering. I could not take away her pain with anything more than meds, or remove the disease that is slowly and excruciatingly killing her. I turned my back on her and walked away from her in shock, knowing that she was going to die, and now I feel like the worst person ever. This is a gift to me? To ask someone to kill you is not a little thing and is not a compliment as I take it. It feels like being stabbed.

    Oh, yay, she trusts me. It didn't touch some warm part of my heart. When someone asks you to take their life and then LIVE with the confusion, guilt, and feelings of uncertainty about life in general, you tell me if it feels like a gift. Imagine your favorite pet looking up at you, while in pain, with trusting eyes, while you hold it close as the vet euthanizes it. That feel good, hm? That feel touching? Awesome? maybe for you. But it hurts me. It makes me feel SICK. It makes me feel like a horrible, powerless, angry person.

    I'm glad it's touching to you. I'm glad you found it awesome.

    I found it horrifying.

    This is simply one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. In my life.

    "It'S Because I Trust You To Help Me Die..."

    in Restlessfox's Depression Discussion

    Posted

    A patient of mine, one I have known for many years, is in hospice care right now. She has about two weeks left.

    About a week ago, she requested me as her caregiver. I figured it was because she had known me when I was young, knew she could rely on me, had known my grandmother, etc. I knew it was going to be hard, but seeing as I'm leaving the job around the time she's due to pass away, I figured it would be the right note to go out on, for her and for me.

    It was a hard week last week...she's been declining more rapidly than we thought she would. She went to giving herself showers every morning, to being unable to sit up on her own or eat anything solid. Her kidneys are shutting down. Won't be long, but she's in a lot of pain, and can still mostly self medicate. She just needs a med tec to stand by and make sure she does alright.

    Well, I went up to watch her dosage today. She was doing very badly. Having trouble breathing, even though her oxygen was on, and was having trouble speaking. I got her a drink, she took her pills but didn't have to have an injection till later so I just make sure she has enough. I'm about to go, when she motions me over.

    "You know how to give shots right?"

    I told her I was afraid of needles, but in theory I did know. I'm not supposed to handle them though, or push the plunger. She kind of smiles and says "oh, that'll do just fine."

    Sounded like she was done, so I moved to leave, but she tapped me and said:

    "Do you know why I asked you to take care of me?"

    Well, I said I figured it was because we'd been friends for so long, and she said it was sorta that too, but mostly...

    "It's because I trust you, and I know you care about me. You're the only one I trust enough to help me die."

    For a moment I thought she just meant ease her passing as a caregiver, you know, make her as comfortable as possible. But then I start to get it. And it all clicks into place.

    "I could do it, but I want someone to make sure I do it right, that I don't mess up. You wouldn't even have to push the plunger. I've been saving up pills on the side too, if you think that would be better." And she sighs and smiles and says "I'm just ready to go, it's time."

    I just stared at her. I wanted to scream, or cry, or run from the room. It seemed surreal. I slowly told her, as I'd been trained to do that I can't do that, that I can make her comfortable but I'm not allowed to help her harm herself in any way. She keeps smiling and sighs again...her lungs sounded crackly.

    "I thought you might say that. And it's ok, I understand. I'm not mad....you can go now."

    And I just turned around and walked away. I didn't know what to say or do...I know I'm supposed to report her so that she's put on a suicide watch, but I didn't. She's just in so much pain. I'm not gonna help her kill herself, but I'm not going to stop her from ending her pain...

    I feel like throwing up. I've been crying for hours. I am well aware what I'm doing by my inaction is illegal...but I dunno. I feel like shit, and I can't shake it. I have a party to go to tonight, I have things to do, but I just know in the back of my head that when I go in for work again on wednesday she'll probably be gone. And I didn't even say goodbye, or wish her well, or tell her that I'll miss her.

    Fuck my life...

    A New Experiance But Also A New Perspective On Being A Daddy

    in Mommies and Daddies

    Posted

    As a Mama, I understand the feeling of wanting that bond with another, of wanting to feel relied upon. It makes you feel powerful, important, loved, but most of all it just makes you feel like you're doing something good for someone. It makes to happy to know you can make THEM happy. It's a damn rewarding thing!

    As to advice, well, that all depends on your princess. Pamper them the way they need it, be it pretty dresses and crowns, or a good little spanking now and again. Satisfying their wants will keep rewarding you for a very long time to come, even just emotionally.

    Stuffed Animal Importance

    in Baby Talk

    Posted

    While I'm not an AB, I do have Mr. Bear. (he's in my avatar pic.)

    He's been with me only since college, but I had a very VERY bad time there, and he was given as a gift of something I could cuddle with and sleep next to that was big and could kinda hug back....I was very lonely...

    He's always in my room. I don't think that'll ever change.

    Spouses That Have No Clue..... Does Yours?

    in Scoop The Poop

    Posted

    it moves all over the place when you use it especially using the pumice stone.. so you have to hold it in place with one foot while you clean the other foot.. so you better have really good balance or use it sitting down.... my foot itched for while after using it so i would not recommend it. if you have full use of your extremities its just better to clean your foot the old fashioned way...but If you have mobility issues this might be handy....

    Oh, that's sad. I actually thought it looked pretty cool. Too bad it doesn't actually work, that tends to make things considerably less cool.

    Well, if you said you wanted something hand-made, she probably should have gotten you something handmade, period. I suggest you tell her than now...you might be able to play it like "I like the gift BUT I would rather have been given something made by you, something simple and really personal, that I can display proudly romanting mushy gushy lovery blah blah blah." Not making fun, I just hope you kinda get what I mean. Spin it as a positive somehow.

    Good luck.

    Given The Way The Debt Ceiling Crisis Played Out....

    in The Rest of your Life!

    Posted

    I'm hardcore moderate. I have very strong opinions on individual issues and topics, but they don't necessarily lean one way or the other. Socially? I'm REALLY pretty liberal. Politically? I don't have a party, and I think sticking strongly with one can make some people blind to other options and opinion, just because those in their party do not approve.

    I've become really sick of people saying to me things like: "Oh, you're not conservative of liberal? You're not dem or repub? Do you not...you know...care?!" I care. I just don't see the need to fit into one of those categories. Too many judgements passed if you pick a label. So moderate I am.

    Being the child of a hippie and a military man might have something to do with that...

    So yeah, next election? I will vote for whichever candidate has the opinions that best support my own, regardless of if they are dem, repub, or a large giraffe wearing a top hat speaking spanish.

    Spouses That Have No Clue..... Does Yours?

    in Scoop The Poop

    Posted

    Well...did you TELL her what you wanted? I mean, not hint, not imply, I mean actually pull up a picture on the computer and say "Hey, if you want to get me a birthday gift I'll really enjoy, this is kinda awesome." Sometimes people really need to have something put two inches in front of their face to get it through their head, which may seem a little odd, but it IS the way to be sure you get what you want. I mean, you said she WANTED the telescope, so I am assuming she TOLD you that she wanted it. Seriously, if you want someone to know what you want as a gift, in life, in a friend, in marriage, in a dinner, on a date...you need to TELL THEM!!!!!!

    That goes for BOTH parties in marriage.

    Sorry you didn't get what you wanted. Maybe next time you'll be able to make it clear enough to her what you want, and what sort of stuff you do NOT want, and get something that does not involve feet. :P

×
×
  • Create New...