Eric Hardfellow

This is really good and cant wait for more

this is very good especially for a first attempt, and i am looking forward to reading more.

Hey botox thanks for not minding if i write out your idea, but im like in the middle of writing about five stories now, so adding another one to the pile would be a real bad idea. I do like you idea about having several writers write about one topic, i would definately throw my name in the hat for that if it wasnt for the fact that i have so many stories to write XD

hey man just a quick question, are you still goint the same route with this as you were before?

If i'm not stepping on any toes i wouldnt mind having a stab at continuing this, but i cant guarantee that it will be like the original, i tend to go off on tangents, but yeah i will try and make a stab at it Ohh and I think lonewolf may just be getting misunderstood. I dont think it was a jab at cmc, i think it was just a jab at the story in general. And i pretty much agree, we shouldnt molly coddle people. If someone needs to improve on something and we spot it we should say so. Im not saying be a dick about it but i think constructive criticsm is a must on any story forum. Thats just me though

I'm not entirely sure what the purpose of this is, like is it a fantasy or a story? So i will offer up some critique on both. Lets take a look at this as if its meant as a fantasy. Its really well written, you make it enjoyable to people who dont share the fantasy which is one of the biggest problems people face. for instance i have no wish to heavilly involve my parents in my life let alone such a personal aspect of it. yet when i was reading this i was like wow how awesome would it be to be melissa. its very readable and i will definately be reading more. Now lets look at it as if it is intended as a story. Its still good, above par, better than alot of other diaper stories but it still has its short commings. Characters Some general advice is to minimize characters, especially in a family setting. The more characters you add the more personalities you need to develope and the more sub plots you will need. for instance i have no clue on what her sister is about. she just seems like an entitiy floating about in your story. and same goes for her extended family. i would really stay away from adding characters that dont contribute to the story. like i get why you added in the cousins and uncles and what not, you wanted to add to the acceptance melissa was recieving but what good is acceptance if a blank entity is the one who is accepting. i really think you should have either built the extended family better or not at all. but i will get back to them later your character development is great in some aspects and very poor in others. For instance we know melissa is heavilly influenced by diapers, we get a feel for her through this. but at the moment she is very two dimensional. Add to her, let us know what else makes her tick. Adding in little personality traits will do wonders for melissa as a character. i would keep that in mind for the rest of your cast aswell. Themes You actually have a theme in this story which is very comendable, a lot of stories dont bother with themes other than diapers. and you hammer it home that this story is about acceptance, and the love of the family unit. you really know how to get your theme across. i see it alot were people briefly mention a theme and expect the reader to get what is going on. Well done on letting us know what is happening. With that said i think you dropped the ball on it. Having melissa being automaticly accepted really hurt the story. It would have been much better to play up melissa's inner struggle about the diapers and then when she is caught showing us why and how her parents accept her. saying they are accepting i feel is cheating a bit. Word usage for the most part your word usage is good but you do fall into the trap, as Mommy Elaine has said, of over using words. I would definately avoid that, there are so many words in the english language, dont be afraid of using them. I get that you were trying to get a point across by using the same word again and again but that method can hurt the story if its not expertly done. there is no harm in repeating your message just find new ways of doing it. On an off topic note not aimed at the author, when mommy elaine commented on this story there was a bit of a back lash against her. Look if someone posts something you dont agree with respectfully disagree with them. I know this is an ageplay site but that doesnt mean we are not mature adults here. Lets conduct ourselves in a respectfull manor or else people wont learn, and wont improve. Back on topic Never Ending story syndrome You seem to be falling into the trap that alot of writer get stuck in. and thats when and how to end a story. Right now ill be honest there is about three short stories going on at the moment. Melissa struggling with her desires, Her family accepting her then her extended family accepting her. Remember a story need a begining middle and end. At the moment you have a begining and thats about it. Begining: Introduce and build up the main characters, good guy, bad guy, side kick and hint at what the story is all about Middle: Develope your characters more, by now we should know what the characters are about. this is the main part of the story, what the main character has to over come should be going on about now. build up tension, have your story headed towards an ultimate goal End: Tie up loose ends, have the main character over come what ever it is they over come and end the story. Thats a very basic forumla for writing a story and it would help your story so much if you encorporate it. There is no harm in ending a story then starting a new one with the same cast. Remember the best type of story is a story that ends. I can see you have a lot of ideas and you are pouring them into your story. But that really hurts your story, what id suggest you do is take one idea, implement it, develope it and execute it properly then move onto the next. I would either get a note book or a seperate document on your pc and write down/ type out any ideas you have when you get them, instead of implementing them right away. Back to an earlier point about the extended family. I really think that the should have had their own story, and you could have hinted and teased us about it in this story. again having them automaticly accept melissa is counter productive. It means absolutely nothing if things are gotten with out having to work for them. the reader would apreciate it so much more if there was drama around melissa being accepted. Anyway just because i have alot to say about your story doesnt mean it is bad, quit the contrary, if i didnt like the thing i wouldnt have invested so much time into this reply. So keep writing and i look forward to reading more of this. Oh and i think you may get some use out of reading a story called snuggles and tears by babybutt. its simular to your story, its built up very well and babybutt is a very compitant writer. I would definately recomend you check it out.

Hey guys here is the next chapter, im not so sure about this chapter, if im jumping the gun or not, so let us know what you think. Chapter One The first rays from the sun settled idly on my cheek, breaking past the smallest of gaps in the curtains. Lightly warming me, just enough to wake me from my slumber. My heavy eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the light. I looked down to my waist to see Nicole’s arm wrapped lovingly around me. I snuggled in closer to her. I’ve woken up like this a lot in the last few weeks. Since we first slept together, two months ago, our relationship has moved really fast. I moved in a week later, Nicole came to visit me at my apartment, took one look at it and told me that I couldn’t live in such squalor. Normally I would have been really offended by such a remark, but the way she said it and the immediate invite to move in with her, made it less of an insult, more a loving gesture. I jumped at the invite to move in with her, it was very sudden, but I didn’t mind. I spent as much time as I could with her. Moving in would not be a big deal. I gave a days notice, as I had not signed a lease, and moved all my stuff out. My room mates were angry but we didn’t get on so it wasn’t much of a loss to me. I lived with two other girls and they were pretty much bitches, and that’s all I have to say about the matter. I wrapped her arm tighter around me, part of my normal morning routine, indicating I’m awake. She squeezed me slightly, she is always awake before me, in my mind she spends the night watching over me, but in reality I just sleep longer than she does. She kissed my neck, making me smile contently to myself. “Morning sleepy head

That sounds like a really interesting idea, consider it stolen just kidding. But yeah i think it could be really interesting, looking forward to reading it

This is really good, your characters are really well developed, i get a complete sense of who they are and what motivates them. The language you use is great and i loved the way you switched so well into first person. Well done, keep up the good work.

This is really good, well done. Its a huge improvement on your last attempt. Good job and i cant wait to read more

Ok so far this has got a lot of potential, its well written and has a good plot line so far. The only problem is that it reads more like a summary than a story. there is no substance, its just a series of events. Expand, let us know what the characters are feeling, what they are thinking. At the moment you are skimming over things, try and delve into them and expand. At the moment i cant connect with either of your characters, they dont seem real. This is easilly rectified, just expand on everything. Anyway i hope to read more

For a first story this is pretty good. I have alot of advice for you though. First off when someone is talking its best to start a new paragraph, if someone else responds, then start a new paragraph. It makes it easier to read. Also a big mistake that a lot of writers make is not having a plan. You need to think about where your story is going, who is the bad guy, who is the side kick and how is your lead character going to grow. So basicly who is going to be supportive, who is going to be a dick and what is the point to your story. If you can nail those down you will have something very unique in this genre. Lots of people like to go down the whole route of nappies nappies and more nappies, instead of picking where the story should end and then starting something new. Granted those stories are good, they tend to not get finished, and can leave the writer feeling jaded. Trying to think of new things to do with nappies is a hard business. So really think where is your story going and how are we going to get there. You dont need to know every detail, just a rough idea and let the story write itself. Also tease us, if you give us everything really fast we wont be anticipating whats to come. so we wont feel the need to wait patiently for your next story. So say you wanted to give us a public humiliation scene. build up her excitment for being out in public, say she is going to a carnival. First time the carnival is mentioned then just leave it alone. Next a bit later on, have people telling her that someone she is interested in will be at the carnival. This will give her a reason to be excited about it. then you can build it up that she is feeling really daring and wears a nappy to the carnival. then give us lots of information while she is at the carnival and tease us that her nappy is going to leak or that her shirt keeps riding up/ Then after a while at the carnival she is talking to her love interest or what ever and you could have her nappy say leak. but he doesnt realize right away. Then build up her mortification. she would be trying to get away from the carnival or something. anyway finally he will realize and she will be mortified and what not. so if you built that up over a good few chapters we would be eagerly awaiting the carnival and what is going to happen. build up tension. (now im not telling you to put a carnival scen or public humiliation scene into your story, just giving an example of how to build tension) Also a nice thing to do in stories is to really pay attention to character development. you have some at the moment, but more is always better when it comes to developing your character. Ohh and your grammar is fine, maybe a miss used word here or there, but nothing that takes from the story. Anyway good effort, cant wait to read more.

Prologue Conclusion After our delicious meal we went back to Nicole’s apartment. We made no real plans on it, we just ended up their. We walked hand in hand, comfortable silence blocking out the bustling sounds of the city. We arrived back at her abode, without a hint to her intentions she unlocked the door and brought me inside. Normally I would have been a bit dubious to go back to a new lovers apartment on a first date, but this felt absolutely natural. It was a quaint little building, just on the out skirts of the city. It had three floors and a basement, one apartment to each floor. She lived in the top apartment. There was no elevator as the building was so small, so after the slight incline of the stairs we were at her mahogany door. She brought me into the living room. It was snug and comfy. The walls were painted red on all sides but one. It lead onto a balcony and this wall was red bricked with glass double doors, that looked out onto what would have been the back yard. It used to be a town house, a rather large one as it had four comfortable sized apartments, but had been converted a few years prior. There were a few paintings on the walls and decorations about the room, it wasn’t cluttered, but I was only interested in Nicole so I didn’t take in my surroundings. She led me to the couch, it was cream coloured and immaculately clean. I sat down and felt like I was going to be swallowed, it was so comfortable. She sat me down and then disappeared for a moment. She came back with a bottle of white wine and two glasses, setting them down on the oak coffee table. She quickly un corked the bottle and had two glasses poured, handing me one. I took a sip, she had chosen a sweet Chablis. It was magnificent. I am no wine connoisseur but even I could tell that this bottle was special, the flavours milling about in my mouth, the heavenly smell. It was really and excellent choice. After my first sip I smiled up to Nicole, who hadn’t sipped her glass yet, and was watching me enthusiastically, hoping I enjoyed what she had chosen. “Wow this is delicious, I’m not a wine drinker but I could drink this

hey guy, what you have here is very cliché. Now dont get me wrong, a cliché doesnt mean bad, but you are not executing this as well as you could be. you are giving us lots and lots of information, but no substance. I think this you could write a great story if you incorporate some things into your writing style. First off i think it would really help you with your story if you switched to first person. It is the most rewarding way to write a description heavy and dialogue light story. i think it would add loads to your story if you re wrote it in the first person. I think you should also let us into your characters head. At the moment she is, in my head anyway, a mannequinn. She has no personality at all, the only thing i know about her is that she wants diapers, she is somewhat manipulative, and that she is, to quote yourself "...the stereotypical sexy cheerleader of every male's fantasy." i would stay away from using things like that. Sure thats ok for a fap story but if you add more details on her personality, dont have here as the sexy robot and your story will turn into an erotic story rather than a fap story. Which is far more interesting and rewarding to read and write. Tease us. build something up, like what ever you want from this story, build it up. If its to get your main character back to diapers 24/7 then tease us about it. Build it up, get us intersted, have your readers needing to find out if she gets diapers. i would cut this story up and rewrite it. the prologue would end at her wearing the diaper for the first time in her friends house, and i would aim to have it between 1000 and 2000 words long. sounds hard but it really isnt once you get into to the swing of things. and if you invest in your characters from the begining of the story, they will write themselves. Then the next part would end when she was 15 and got diapers again, and again i would make it about 1000 to 2000 words long, they are good size posts and will really get your characters over. Anyway this is a ok story, you have written it well i just think you could do way better than this. But keep it up

thanks guys for the responses, it really helps with modevation anyway i hope you like this second part, and i will get to work on the next part immediately

Prologue Part Two Since that faithful day Nicole and I have been inseparable, and according to a few close friends, with a twinkle of devilment, insufferable. We are not like a normal couple, we are not equals, there is a hierarchy to our partnership. Its not a huge difference in power, we operate like a political leader and their trusted second in command. While the right hand has a lot of say, ultimately the power lies in the hands of the vigilant dictator. I have the more submissive personality and Nicole definitely has the more domineering whilst also having a care free laid back attitude. Publicly, to the casual onlooker we would appear to be equals, you would have to really scrutinize our relationship to discover the subtle eccentricities that betray our allocated roles. Simple things like Nicole indicating where to sit when we go out to what ever establishment we have so chosen, be it winery or eatery, she will choose our seats regardless of company. An not in a controlling fashion, she tends to be at our table before the rest of the party and will merely offer suggestions were to sit. Or me asking her, with no more than a whisper, if I could be excused to use the rest room. Even while ordering at a restaurant, I will state which dish I would be inclined to order. Seems innocent enough, just informing people what I deem to be tasty. But there in lies the subtlety. I never order without consent from Nicole, which can come in the form of a simple nod or a enthusiastic agreement that I have a keen sense of what is delicious at the particular establishment. But that is only if my choice has passed her educated palette. If I am ordering something inadequate she will suggest something more suitable. I never pass on her recommendations. And privately the same un written rules apply. She will seat me and offer suggestions on what we will have to eat, or what we will watch on TV. To some this may sound horrible having no free will, to be constantly corrected. But to me, to me its incredibly invigorating and liberating, to have such simple aspects of my life controlled. Nicole naturally fell into this role with me, and for me to listen and obey was both mentally and spiritually fulfilling, while erotically satisfying. I hoped that Nicole felt the same way, but we both naturally took up our respective positions. It was an unsaid bond between us, that while felt completely natural, to talk about such things just felt absurd. It all stemmed from that first day that we met. After we left the record shop, leaving the clerks with some nice juicy gossip, Nicole brought me to a small Italian bistro just around the corner. We walked hand in hand staring into each others eyes, me with my lustful leer and Nicole with her motherly gaze. I paid attention to nothing but her, I lost complete sense of where I was. I was so lost in her that if she had not known where she was going I would have surely ended up under a bus. But know where she was going she did. When we reached our rustic little Italian bistro we were greeted by a balding, portly gentleman, clad in a black suit, who welcomed Nicole by name and kissed her three times on the cheek, left, right, left. I blushed at seeing this, feeling somewhat impressed yet scrutinised. Nicole had taken me to an eatery that clearly had a personal attachment to her. She spoke with the maitre’d quickly, and happily in Italian. This was absolutely wonderful, I had no idea that Nicole was so cultured. I had never met anyone who had spoken Italian before. I knew it was Italian as I spoke French myself and this was most definitely not French. I could also recognise German and Spanish though I could not speak them. Nicole said something in Italian and motioned towards me, the maitre’d smiled a broad, genuinely happy smile, and kissed me three times on the cheek, left, right, left. I blushed crimson, not used to the European tradition of greeting with a kiss. Nicole watched my moment of slight embarrassment lovingly and gently tightened her grip on my hand. I looked back at her and smiled happily at her, thankful for the moral support. He seated the two of us at a little table for two at the front of the restaurant by the window. I felt slightly put out, it was as if we were on display. Nicole picked up on my aversion and reassured me that she always sat here as she liked to people watch. I nodded hesitantly wondering how many other people she had brought her. Thinking about her bringing hordes of people here made me uneasy and nervous. Nicole giggled at my reaction and gently informed me that she rarely came here with company which put me at ease. I smiled happily to myself and looked around at the bistro. It had a very simple design. Red brick walls, a few pictures of Italian landscapes hanging from them. At the back was the cash register with their wine rack on display, along with the window into the kitchen. The tables were all neat and tidy, unset with cutlery yet. A candle protruding from a wine bottle sat at the centre of each table, atop white linen table cloths. The maitre’d, who I hadn’t noticed leaving, returned with two menus. They were simple in design, a black leather holder with a freshly printed menu inserted. I thanked him and started to read the menu to my shock it was written in Italian. I gave Nicole a puzzled look. She hadn’t stopped smiling at me, and with a reassuringly beautiful whisper she told me not to worry. I closed my menu and leaned in to kiss her. Just a gentle kiss on the lips to show my gratitude. A new gentleman appeared clad in black slacks, white shirt, black tie and waist coat, with an apron secured around our midsection. Clearly our waiter, this young man was tall and slender with a elegant grace to him. He had mid length black hair oiled perfectly backwards. I could practically taste his cologne, a strong musk that smelled like a stately library. He smirked at Nicole and mumbled something in his native tongue, Nicole reciprocated and an eerie tension settled on the table. I felt so ill at ease, but they both erupted into laughter. I felt so out of place, not speaking Italian was going to be my downfall. The waiter looked over at me with a twinkle in his eye and a big happy grin on his face, he was looking at me eager to say something. As I had no idea what was going on or being said; I simply smiled and sat quietly. The waiter sniggered and went back to talking to Nicole. I sat there awkwardly as Nicole and her close friend, as it seemed, the waiter spoke quickly in foreign tongues. I stared at my lap and contemplated the series of events which had brought be to be in such and uncomfortable position. Generally speaking I tended to be rather aloof when it came to courtship. At that point I couldn’t recall a single incident where I had been so bold. To reach out and touch someone so intimately with out so much as a hello, what had I been thinking. I felt like I had made a mistake. I shouldn’t be there, I wasn’t the type of person this lady thought. I wasn’t the type of girl who would have kissed someone as passionately as I did, publicly, for a first kiss. The first kiss to me was always a private affair, one that you had after the first date, when you were being led to your apartment. She would guide my to my front door, we would stand awkwardly for a brief second. Her hoping I would invite her upstairs, eagerly wanting to experience the ecstasy of intimacy. Unwaveringly I would stand between them and the door, smiling my innocent smile. They would always get the hint, not tonight. Then in the door way they would settle for our first kiss. Hidden from view of prying neighbours by the concrete door frame we would taste each other, passionately, sensually, dare I say lustfully. It was never the desired end to a night that she would have been hopping for, the first time being intimate together, but it was something just as nice, and to me just as big a mile stone in the relationship. The first kiss. I started to feel nervous about being exposed, that Nicole would find out I wasn’t as bold as I may have first seemed. My hand trembled slightly as I begin to contemplate what will happen. Will Nicole be uninterested in some one as nervous as myself, will she stomp my heart to the curb. I felt like I needed to hyperventilate. My anxiety levels reached unrecorded highs. I tried to control myself by examining my lap, by focusing only on my faded blue jeans, the intricate weaving of fabric that encased my legs. It felt futile, I didn’t think there was any hope left. I felt like I should just up and leave. I noticed that the waiter had left, and Nicole was sitting silently opposite me. I looked up at her and everything melted away. She looked content to just watch me as I struggled with my inner thoughts, my inner insanity. Her motherly smile had not left her mouth, I felt for the whole time since I had known her. It felt like love, but I knew it couldn’t be, I knew nothing of this woman as she knew nothing of me. But still there was something there, her maternally seductive eyes fixated on me. I was completely under her spell. “Welcome back to us Nadia

MESSY LESBIANS From the quill of Eric Hardfellow Prologue I first noticed Nicole three weeks, four days, five hours and seventeen minutes ago. I was in a record shop, a nice little establishment that sold some very rare and unusual LP’s. I know vinyl’s are so archaic but nothing can compare to the sweet melodies of Sgt Pepper flowing out of a 78. I frequent this record shop on a regular basis, its one of my favourite haunts, as such I know nearly all the staff and patrons by name, the ones I don’t know by name, I know to see. So to say that on this particular day when I saw Nicole flutter in like a breeze, that I was intrigued, would be an understatement. Not just because some strange newcomer had ventured into my musical sanctuary, which on any other day would have piped my interest, but no that was not the reason I was captivated with her. From the moment she walked in the door I was awe struck. The young lady was beautiful. She looked slightly older than me, which I found out later to be true, she is twenty seven, while I’m twenty two. She had an air of confidence to her that was very attractive to me, the way she walked and held herself just screamed confidence. She had a feminine physique that was both motherly and seductive. Her hour glass figure supported her nurturing charisma, while her sublime height and facial features made her so alluring to me. She was wearing a grey business suit with a simple white blouse underneath it, which gave the impression of success. In a rare lecherous moment I imagined myself nestled under her skirt, in between her legs, pleasuring her with my nimble tongue. Such thoughts caused butterflies to flutter around in my stomach, as my panties grew wet. She was looking through some albums in the classic punk rock section. I wandered closer to her, not so close that she would notice me, but close enough so I could see what she was looking at. I started to, non chalantly, flick through records, occasionally glimpsing at her, peeking at what record she was inspecting. She had a Stiff Little Fingers sleeve in her hand and was paying it close attention. She seemed torn whether to buy it or not. It was if holding that record was her re visiting her past. I could vision her as a punk rocker while she was growing up. Living the alternative lifestyle, expressing her distain for the pop culture which dominated the globe, frustrating her parents with her morels and being full of debauchery. A younger me would have considered her a sell out for betraying her roots. But as the weight of the world slowly crushed me, such thoughts seemed silly. To me now she was someone who grew up. As I looked at my cracked black nail varnish on my slender fingers the thought of someone changing so radically both fascinated and terrified me. Although I could understand it. And craved to be strong enough to take the plunge towards maturity myself. Part of me still never wanted to grow up. I started to flip through the albums, so as not to bring attention to myself. I wanted to stare at her some more but cowered in case I got caught. Although I kept glancing over to her as she studied the old vinyl sleeve. Slowly I moved closer to her, just to be in her presence, this was like being on some magical aphrodisiac mixed with a potent hallucinogenic. My arousal was reaching critical levels. With each second in her vicinity my panties moistened. What was it about her that I found so appealing. I had known from an early age that I preferred the company of women, preferring their caring warmth over the socially accepted ruggedness of men. But no woman had ever cast such a spell over me, sure I had instant attraction to females before but never such a feeling of infatuation. As I got closer to her, I got ensnared in her fragrance. It was Chanel, which isn’t unusual, I know many professional woman like the chanel range. But what was unusual was that I tended to find it deplorable. The smell was always too over powering for me. But that day was different. On Nicole it reminded me somehow of being a child again. My mother had used chanel, but always in a minimalist fashion. She wouldn’t coat herself in the perfume like most women. This is most likely why I found this ladies aroma so enchanting. She had gotten the balance just right, I breathed her in deep. Slowly and deep, so as not to arouse suspicion. The aroma brought back child hood memories, playing happily in the meadows near my old house, staying up late on school nights, going on picnics with my family. Oddly it also brought up a memory which I hadn’t thought of for some time. It reminded me of the day I came out to my mother, when I told her that men didn’t interest me. I quickly suppressed such thoughts as to not ruin my lovely feeling of attraction towards a fine specimen of perfection. I was standing right next to her. So close we were almost touching. I felt like I was in heaven, that I was standing beside my own personal Angel. I had to fight with myself not to reach out and suck face. I controlled myself and went to pick up and album to take my mind of my lust filled thoughts. My hands were trembling, I nervously steadied them and reached for an album. As I went to pick up some random cover, she reached out for the same one. Our hands touched for the briefest of seconds. She looked at me with a coy smile as I did her. As her maternal gaze met my lustful stare I immediately blushed. She giggled as if I was a child who had just made some faux pas , but as I was a child it came across as cute. I was increasingly aware of how wet my pants were getting. I smiled at her and went back to looking at albums. My cheeks and ears burning from embarrassment. She seemed slightly hurt at my sudden disinterest. I began to ponder if she too preferred the company of women. The idea of this older lady finding me appealing was thrilling to me. I struggled to keep my hand from wandering down the front of my pants, to alleviate some of the tension between my legs. I slyly peaked up at her and she definitely seemed put out. I made a bold move and as she reached out for another album I reached out and touched her hand. Only this time it wasn’t for the briefest of seconds, I let my hand linger. She looked up at me happily as I smiled sweetly at her. She gently took my hand in hers as we gazed into each other eyes. I could feel all my troubles just melt away as I got lost in her. She smiled at me and then she spoke. “Hi soft paws, I’m Nicole