![[DD] Boards & Chat](https://www.dailydiapers.com/board/uploads/monthly_2021_11/DDweb-02.png.0c06f38ea7c6e581d61ce22dffdea106.png)
 |
 |
babytom2
-
Posts
375 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Gallery
Articles
Store
Posts posted by babytom2
-
-
Ah,always so good with the swerve.
-
Things getting fun
-
great start!
-
For it being a daycare there is a shocking lack of child minding being done,lol.
-
7 minutes ago, RambleLamb said:
So, I've checked out your story here and the original it spins off from and you have good ideas BUT your pacing and structure are really fast to the point that it reads like you're trying to get everything out as fast as possible.
When someone talks use quotation marks so people can tell someone is talking. Pull back a bit on the "this happened and this happened and this person felt this way" and so forth and try and have things move smoothly to the desired destination.
I know I'm probably asking for trouble given the way you responded to a previous critique, but here's the thing, anyone can write a story but if people struggle to make sense of it because it's a wall of text or there aren't clear definitions for people speaking versus action versus narration they may not bother reading your story.
Food for thought, feel free to ignore my suggestions and continue on your way the way you're going, I'm just offering a bit of friendly advice.
Don't bother,you'll get yelled at by him and his #1 fan.
-
Off to a good start,but Kayla really shouldn't sit on her phone XD
-
a fine start
-
should mark this as completed maybe so they can move it.
-
16 minutes ago, Tfmonkey said:
Why are you criticizing my writing? Its my story and I think it sounds great.....How about you go write your own content and stop bullying people...
I've seen this before,throwing things in for shock value while completely eroding the main plot.Trust me,I like the story well enough but I had to edit it a bunch when I copied it.
35 minutes ago, Tld17 said:He is just jealous. He has never written a story that was any good. He has no talent. He gets thrills out of critiquing others. This is because he feels so bad about his lack of talent. This story is great. The turn was great. He has no clue. People with a low IQ like him cannot understand it is fiction.
When you go low I go high....enjoy your weekend.
-
27 minutes ago, Tfmonkey said:
Hey Tom......Who is writing the story?
You are,and it was mostly fine until this turn.
-
Hmm,this seems a bit odd of a turn.Kayla being small is one thing but Martha is obviously much larger and why would she embarrass herself and the coworkers go along with this new situation?
-
1
-
-
12 hours ago, Tld17 said:
Oh great we got the grammar police here. Shut up and just enjoy the story babytom. Stop with your useless posts
Excuse me for wanting the proper words in it XD....go take your torch elsewhere.
-
4 hours ago, Tfmonkey said:
feeling a bag up
filling
4 hours ago, Tfmonkey said:rest of the stuff
staff
Think you'll need to edit a bunch once the story is complete.
-
Kinda shocked that Martha wouldn't be angry at being tricked or seeing her friend naked. Also there are some she/he mistakes in there.Still wish the dialogue was separated from the rest of it.
-
Was this lost in the purge?Could have sworn this was still posted somewhere
-
Wish the dialogue was separated from the description,my eyes glazed over trying to spot them talking,lol.
-
short chapter but fun
-
5 hours ago, LilRedAli said:
I don’t think it was confusing.......I loved finally seeing what Joyce was up to the day she met Emily!! She changed so fast lol I hope her and Joyce met up soon but maybe the Grandparents find her 1st and learn a bit more bout the girls ?
It's fine but isn't really pertinent to the current story.
-
That chapter was a little confusing.
-
Quite a surprise for him!
-
Hmm,pretty awkward,lol.
-
Some of the dialogue is off because of incorrect words being inserted.
-
Quite the info dump and long dialogue.
-
nice update
From Bosses to Babies Chapter 26 Finished (Sequel to From Boss to Baby)
in Story and Art Forum
Posted
I don't think 2 year olds wear onesies,lol.