Aria Rift

Well, when I was around four or five I used to sit in a hole in our backyard and pretend that it was a mother figure and that it wouldn't let me go. It was more of a nurturing feeling and not at all sexual. Later, when I was around ten or eleven, I let my friends tie me to a chair. One friend's older brother then decided he wanted to burn some of my hair. I remember that experience not really being sexual either. The thought of BDSM sure is now though. I've tried some self bondage, but didn't really have the right equipment to do it properly and I've never had the courage to actually go to a professional. Part of me really gets off on the thought of relinquishing all control, while the other half is repulsed by the idea.

I'm one of those so-called "hard core" type guys. I hated showing emotions because I was always a sensitive kid and was relentlessly teased for it. So I buried my feelings, and they're pretty much still there. I have no doubt that I have mother issues. Both my parents always worked, and then they had their hands full with my delinquent teen-age sister. I was pretty much neglected most of my life except for the occasional beating from my father. I remember recognizing my need for a mother figure as early as age four. I think one reason for the diapers and feminine clothing is that, in place of the healing I needed, I decided to try and become something that was the furthest thing from what I was. I know that deep down I still desperately crave to be mothered, but I've accepted the fact that my healing will probably have to wait until the next life. Still, I'm glad to have a place to try and put my feelings into words. I don't know if that helps

I got a similar response from my significant other when I told her. She said she didn't want to see me like that. So I choose to wear when I know I'll have the house to myself for a few hours. It's definitely better than nothing. The rest of the time may require some self discipline on your part. However, if you get to the point when all you can think about are diapers, then you may be developing an addiction. You may want to think about trying to back off for a bit.

Nothing against therapists in general, but all the ones I ever went to only offered "cures" while helping themselves to my wallet.

I agree with the thoughts that my desires have helped shape who I am. However, I would probably be inclined to choose to still like wearing diapers, but I would remove the sexual aspect of it.

My fetishism does not define who I am, it is merely a part of me. I told my then fiancee about my desires a few months before we were married. She didn't want that in our lives, so I put it away and only engage every now and then when she is not around. I can always hope that someday she'll bring it up and we can explore those elements, but if not, then I haven't lost much. We are very happy together and so the compromise is worth it to me.

Or maybe a Leoplurodon? Hehe. Anyway, welcome to the DD community.

Hello and welcome to the community.

Hey there. I hope you enjoy your stay.

Hello and welcome to the community. Hope you enjoy it here.

Perhaps. However, it's not his fault. It isn't anyone's fault. I can only hope that my experiences will help me better empathize with those also facing similar issues. Compassion is not a curse. It's a quality you could certainly use.

I can only share my own experiences with this situation and tell you that it gets easier as time goes on. My sister was the nosy one in our family. When I was a teenager I had some panties and whatnot. The first time she found me out was pure dumb luck and I was able to downplay it. The second time I went a little crazy and didn't hide the items as well as I should have and she found them easily. This time it involved a dress, a bra, panties, and a maxi pad. Even worse was that she showed all of my friends during a sleepover. Then I had to face my father, not fun. The third time it was actually our dog who found some underwear I'd lazily hidden under my bed. Had to face dad again. It hurts for a few weeks and you get really paranoid, but it goes away. After a few years I wonder if anyone even remembers those episodes. Luckily my dad never found out about my diapers, but I don't know what's worse. Having a son who likes female clothing, or diapers?

The invention of the self checkout stand has made buying a whole lot easier and less nerve wracking (unless you want to feel like you're going to vomit on the clerk). I always used to buy at Rite Aid and Payless. They used to carry the original Attends and Depends. I went into a medical supply store once when I was in college. There were three girls working there at the time. I actually tried to make conversation with them about the diapers (size, tapes, capacity), and made up a story about how I was an RN student at the school and needed them for class. I managed to keep a relatively cool head, bought the diapers, and left. Nowadays it's all online shopping for me.

I've tried many times but I just can't get a good night sleep when I'm diapered or wearing feminine attire.

Welcome to the board. I too suffered abuse growing up. Lots of moving, physical beatings, and neglect. When I was little I was so desperate for nurturing that I would sit in a hole in the backyard and pretend that it was a mother figure who wouldn't let me go no matter what. I feel kind of pathetic when I think about it. Most of us come here not looking for sympathy, but healing. Hopefully you will be able to gain strength in the knowledge that you are not alone. Again, welcome. ~Aria

Kersen, I'm so sorry for your suffering. I just joined myself. Please ignore the idiot patrol and know that you are welcome here. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

You must have read my mind. I certainly did change it back after I read your first reply and saw that I was correct in the first place. Thank you too for your advice and welcome. ~Aria

They say relationships are about compromise, and I agree with that. I dated my wife for several months before we married. We became unofficially engaged and I made the decision to purge and tell her about my fetishes and my past. She took it alright I guess. She made it clear that she didn't want to see me like that and so I made the choice to put it away. However, we weren't married six months before I found myself having dreams about being dressed and diapered. Over and over, night after night. Since then I've been wearing maybe once or twice a month just to satisfy those desires. She doesn't know and I don't want her to know. I feel a little guilt about that, but we have a normal healthy relationship, otherwise. I still think I made the right choice. She is an amazing girl.

I think I've messed all of three times in all the years I've been wearing diapers. Every now and again I'll get that sense of curiosity and go through with it, but usually regret it right after. I hate feeling dirty and sometimes I'll even refrain from peeing just to enjoy the feeling of a clean diaper.

Thank you both. I really appreciate your kind words. I know every board has this sort of thing, however, I have a habit of letting people walk all over me most times. I'm trying to be self confident and stand up for myself more. I hope I wasn't too harsh. Again thank you for your generous welcome. I look forward to contributing to this community. ~Aria

Well, if we're judging so soon, your profile says you're twenty seven yet you appear to have the manners of a five year old. Now, considering the board, you may just be acting in your own particular idiom. However, instead of attempting to point out my simple mistake and trying to foster a friendly relationship with a new member of this community, you choose to insult me. Way to go, Chief. In regards to the "What are you?" question, it's not real clear if that means in reality, or ones mental image when one dresses. Nevertheless, you may be correct. In light of this new information let me be the first to say thank you for bringing this to my attention in the most polite way possible. We all immensely benefit from your vast wisdom. I have changed it so that you do not continue to have an aneurysm. Have a nice day.

Hello everyone. My name is Aria Rift, but please just call me Aria. I've been a long time lurker in these forums and have finally decided to become an active participating member. First, a little about me. I'm male, 27, and living in Utah with my wife. I'm a software engineer and all around student of the geek arts. I've been attracted to diapers for as long as I can remember. I became attached to female clothing when I was around eleven or twelve. I'd buy diapers and hide them as well as borrow my mother's and sister's clothing. Can't really explain why I love it like I do, but thats just who I am. I told my wife about my tendencies before we got married and she expressed no desire to see me like that, so I've pretty much stayed away from the cross-dressing. However, I just can't stay away from diapers (wearing a heavily soaked pair of bambinos at the moment ). I prefer pre-teen and women's style clothing, as well as maid and goth outfits. Anyway, glad to be here. Hope to get to know you all as time goes on.