[Bedwetter but still wake up with a partially full bladder?]

Hi, [mention=16278]BlakeJordan[/mention]; I wear nappies voluntarily, so I'm not sure if my response to your inquiry is going to give you much useful information or not, but here goes...
So what precipitated my lifelong fixation with wearing diapers was chronic bed wetting. Back then, I was essentially incontinent when I slept, but I did used to awaken on occasion with at least some fluid in my bladder. I recall the internal debate; do I just pee in my diaper? How wet is it already? Or get up and pee in the toilet? What time is it? Etc. 
I started on my journey back to wearing diapers 24/7 by wearing them to bed, something which I've been doing for a about 2.5 years now pretty much without interruption. I settled on the idea after actually wetting the bed a couple of times over about 6 months, which hadn't happened to me in probably 30 years, and which may be related to a benign brain tumour I was diagnosed with. I discussed it with my neurologist, and he said that it "might be related", but basically gave it a shrug, because compared with a lot of his patients, my prognosis is a walk in the park. But I thought, hey, waking up in a wet bed sucks, and, I want to wear diapers, ergo, the stars have aligned. And before I came out to my spouse about it, it offered me something to resort to, if I were "caught". 
Over the course of that time, I have involuntarily "wet the bed" (wet my diaper) while I slept on a few occasions, although usually I initiate the process and then fall back to sleep, which is different from when I was a kid, and almost never did it voluntarily. On those occasions when I have wet the bed with no recollection of having decided to do so, I usually still wake up with some fluid in my bladder. So, I think even if all the gates are open, in a relaxed state, you're not going to fully evacuate your bladder, and how much remains is going to depend on the position you're sleeping in.
But, as I said, I'm 98% not incontinent, so my thoughts on this may be of limited value. 

Thank you, that actually does help. I was never a bedwetter growing up, at least not that I can recall so no reference points to how my body worked back then.

I agree that position and force to complete a void are likely in play. I doubt that the typical voiding muscles and habits are in place to complete the void at night, and previous experiences have dictated that even when I had full control over these muscles gravity played a large part as it creates pressure.

The lack of a bursting bladder or even a full sensation leads me to believe there’s some muscle atrophy and nerve issues at play as well.

When I wore voluntarily at night due to the stars aligning I went through the period it seems many here go through of the “wake and decide”, “wake band fall asleep”, and then the “half awake”, and finally the “did I wake?” and “I definitely did not wake up”.

There seems to be a correlation in this progression with sleep quality and tossing and turning. On nights where I am tossing and turning I’m still somewhere in the middle there, though those are becoming less and less. Those nights I also tend to wake with a noticeably full bladder more times than not.

On nights where I sleep soundly I find I’m in the same position more times than not when I wake up, and the different positions have slight variances in how much fluid is in my bladder when I awake, but not how much is in the diaper.

In any case, I appreciate the feedback, thank you!

[Train body and mind to use diapers in bed]

First off, I was on serequal for years in my late teens. I completely get that fall risk. In the end it was drug resistant epilepsy that was causing the hallucinations and bipolar like symptoms, but nonetheless I have experience with those drugs. I also spent 9 months on my hands and knees due to those seizures presenting as extreme vertigo, and today have mobility issues that put me at fall risks. I keep a cane by my bed, as for now it is intermittent disruptions in nerve functions.

It’s taken me a long time to reconcile my physical needs for diapers, along with my psychological needs for diapers. I am now at the point in life where there is so much overlap between the two it’s impossible to decouple.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

I determined that the reason for my shame is two fold. First the social stigma is the biggest issue I still struggle with. I asked myself “if diapers were not stigmatized in the way they are, would I be okay and confident in using them as a tool to manage my physical health, and to make my life easier and more convenient?” The answer for me was, yes absolutely. It took a bit more work to be okay with the convenience aspect, but I ended up pairing it with Spoon theory ( https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ )and once I realized how much extra energy I was spending to avoid the internal conflict/stigma I attached to this tool, I basically concluded the cost wasn’t worth it.

The second part was coming to terms with the psychological need. I had to admit and come to terms that, yes, I do actually need diapers from a psychological point as well. It took work with accepting this, and most of that work came in the form of how I look at mental health issues, and how much harder I am on myself about them in comparison to physical health issues. I realized that I saw mental health issues as a character flaw, a reflection of how society still views mental health, in comparison to physical health. No one gives the person with high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, stroke, or any other “organic” health issue/disability a second thought/pass judgment. But for some reason our society still believes that mood, hallucinations, anxiety, and the rest are somehow a character flaw, and that if the person just worked harder they could think or will themselves out of that state. It’s still believed that although all in the brain, that it is somehow not organic, and a person chooses to live with bipolar, psychosis, and the rest. All they need to do is choose not to.

This of course is bullshit. More and more , the consensus is at least starting to finally lean towards “everything is organic in nature” and “just because we don’t understand the presentation, and the only way to treat it is through drugs that happen to have a correlation with changing chemical balances in the brains of rats, or through therapy that changes the plasticity of the brain, doesn’t mean that the origin is hysteria, a choice, of not something that came from the organic physical nature of the brain”. This is obviously a sore spot for me, and I’m biased, so I’ll stop here on this point.

The larger point I’m trying to make is that I had to come to terms that just like diapers, mental health issues are highly stigmatized and put the disgust/ blame squarely on the shoulders of the individual as a character flaw. It took a lot of using cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to reframe this, and to validate my mental health issues in the same way I validate my physical health issues.

I eventually learned that I needed to stop blaming myself for the tools I used to get through life.

In your situation I would reframe the need for seraquil, and thus diapers due to the side effects as a valid treatment option, and way of dealing with side effects of a medication that allows you to move forward and make progress in your health and life us the safest way possible. I would compare the outcome of needing to wear diapers due to a fall risk in the same way I would view a medication used to treat a physical health issue. In my case for me that comparison is keppra, and muscle relaxants, used for seizures and muscle spasms accordingly. I would also compare the need to use diapers for fall risks to my nerve issues, and autonomic dysfunction/pots (postural orthostatic hypotension) which puts me at a fall risk when I get up too quickly, my blood pressure drops and I faint.

For me the battle is/has always been validation of myself and my health. Validation of the tools I need to keep me going and safe. Looking at diapers as a treatment option, a coping mechanism, a tool in my tool belt to live a full life, just like a cane, a medication, a brace, etc. it took work to realize my shame and hesitation came from social stigma and realizing how I projected that on myself. It took constant comparison for reference points of how I deal with other issues that have strong social stigma. It took a lot of reframing and critically looking at the cost/benefit of using diapers for both mental a physical health. I had to step back and look at how others deal with stressors, realize that I’m comparison to substance abuse, ending up in a hospital due to a broken arm (happened, twice), making a mess on my bed because I could not safely get to the restroom (happened more times than I could count), using alcohol to relax (nod helpful with the medication interactions), diapers actually don’t have too many awful side effects. Yes, they smell, yes they are stigmatized, yes the can become a burden. But you know what, those are small issues and side effects in comparison to the their payoff and alternatives. Does it mean I don’t have to constantly work at being okay with using them? No. But at least now I can frame that work through the lens of self acceptance, self love and care, and work on integrating this tool into my life.

[Bedwetter but still wake up with a partially full bladder?]

Who here has this experience? I definitely know I am wetting myself as I sleep, but most mornings after the alarm sounds I wake up to a partially filled bladder.

 

Now to be clear it’s really hard to tell if the bladder has anything in it when I wake up, until I actually get out of bed and gravity takes over. I would guess around 4-7 oz on average.

 

Not sure if it’s just me or if this is par for the course. Granted any bladder sensations have definitely dropped over the past year due to more and more nerve damage, so who knows.

[Still Buy Underwear]

Buy, no but keep yes. Pretty much completely for the snooping reasons above.

[24/7 startups, and unexpected pitfalls?]

I was reading an article the other day by a psychologist that spoke about a recent, collective prevalence of “vivid dreams” and how this was thought to be a psychological response to the low-level anxiety that has been pervasive in pandemic conditions.  I guess this must be considered as a factor but I’m more inclined to believe that people like us are a special case.

“Diaper Dreams” were certainly a big thing early on in my 24/7 experience and seemed to revolve around the general “OMG! I wear nappies!” genre, celebrating the general nappy user-experience.

This kind of dream decreased in frequency and morphed over time as wet diapers became normalised.  After that first phase, diapers were often THERE in my dreams but weren’t usually to TOPIC of those dreams.  They were just a thing like, as you say, sky and gravity.

As things moved on there were “pee dreams” for a while.  I suspect that these were a thing whilst I was slowly subconsciously being patterned that it was now ok to pee in my bed during the night.  These dreams too faded although discovering that I was in curiously sodden night nappies the next morning remained a thing (important life lesson: if you’re using diapers 24/7 and you do NOT want to become a bedwetter, consider the “pee dream” as your STOP sign).

An unusual diaper experience will still trigger a diaper dream for me.  Sleeping in a loaded diaper is quite rare for me and I’ve noticed that any time that DOES happen, there is almost always some kind of thematically-related dream.  I suspect if I did it all the time those dreams would fade and I would be a divorcee.

The solitary diaper dream theme that seems to have survived thus far is to do with catastrophic diaper failure/disclosure whilst out and about.  Perhaps this is a fear that looms larger in my subconscious than I give credit for.

I guess a clue might be derived by reviewing what your thoughts and feelings were whilst you were dream-loading your underwear (if you can remember).  It might have been a memo from your own mental basement.

I can certainly vouch for all of the above. I know when my work habits changed with the pandemic so did my bladder patterns. I found myself oddly flooding more, which I chop up to not moving from the desk so much.

I certainly have seen various incarnations of the catastrophic leak/exposure. Maybe it’s the underlying anxiety thick in the air, or maybe it’s the anxiety that has come with decreased awareness of what is going on down there, and not really caring?

It does seem like there’s very little emotional energy to spend on if I happen to have a slight leak right now or not. This in and of itself is a milestone that I think has finally come and gone, leading to that snowball effect I bring up ever so often.

It’s funny you mention the repatterning; it was just a couple days ago where I had an extremely vivid dream where I was forced to stay in a group sleeping, and changing environment; ie bunks and locker room. Found myself not so much being embarrassed as not having an extra nappy to change into, and even if I did, not having much privacy nor the desire to put this burden on such a large group.

Maybe this is the next level of acceptance. The mind attempting to come to terms that I need to become comfortable with the fact that there are going to be unexpected events, circumstances, and places that I end up and I have to just deal?

This black swan of a pandemic has refocused that reality. It’s not really foreign to me, just not something I visit often. In the past it’s been the fear of not having meds for or being able to have a keto diet for my drug resistant epilepsy. The second wave hit when I transitioned, knowing I would be dependent on hormones that were external. Now it’s again back in force, pushing the relentless reality front and center; one more external thing I’m dependent on.

I’m not sure that this type of dream or manifestation of anxiety would have come to pass had I not been this far in my journey, either earlier or later. Hell, I’m still coming to terms that this incontinence is a mix of my own attempts previously, and the weird manifestation and domino effect my tbi and epilepsy has had on my body, including body wide nerve damage, autonomic dysfunction, a neurogenic bladder and so many others. Yeah I may have been able to hold it off for another year or three, but at this point I’m fairly confident that I would have ended up here eventually.

Maybe I would not be having these dreams or anxiety right now, but then again, maybe what would have taken its place would have been much much worse. Perhaps the reframe comes that even in those dreams, the diaper makes me feel somewhat more safe, and it’s simply a puzzle to be solved.

And who knows where I would have been in a few years from now. At least right now as I tumble down the rabbit hole, I have the time and space to become oriented, to solve these puzzles in a safe manner, to catch my breath. No guarantees it would have been any lees stressful in 1-3 years.

In any case you’re not alone and I think whether it’s diapers or other stuff, everyone is experiencing some manifestation. In my opinion the manifestation is confronting the limitations of our control and ability to plan for, predict, and mitigate a future that only a few months ago was so clear, and now is like a black highway at night...

[Strange days indeed - a 24 x 7 experiment]

Thanks [mention=16278]BlakeJordan[/mention], I had a quick look around to see if I could find "Funk Rock" for sale available in Australia.  There was at best, limited evidence that I could obtain it (at an enormous "Australia Tax") from one or two "hippie-mommy" outlets interstate but I'm not sure I want to be on their mailing lists.  I'll see if I can google around for the active ingredients and find an more readily available local alternative.
On another note, on [mention=56904]Stroller[/mention]'s advice, I undertook another 5km brisk walk last night in a cloth nappy NOT of kite-folded-terry-square.  I was in a reasonably-damp Babykins cotton pull on diaper layered with flannel pull-ons.  This went much better, even to the extent of being "comfortable" in a warm/damp kind of way on what proved to be a fairly cool (by Queensland standards) winter evening waddle.  I'm pleased to report that I made it back without important bits of me being sand-papered off and here the next day, I'm sitting slightly soggily but comfortably so there can have been no delayed ill effects...  My plastic pants were some ancient Gary high-waist ones that crinkled alarmingly but I don't think this was such an issue outdoors. 
I also couldn't help noticing how much less the pull on cloth nappies restrict mobility compared to pin-on.  I had to drive on an errand earlier that day.  You REALLY notice your nappies clambering in and out of a car when they are pinned terry squares.  The Babykins pull-ons were just fine.
Still looking at those Rearz Omutsu on that online Australian retailer and wishing they were actually in stock...  Maybe she wouldn't freak out at those Penguin ones.  They were kind of cool.  Maybe one day...
 

I did a quick search and found one retailer in Australia


https://www.babybeehinds.com.au/product-category/rockin-green-detergent/

It also looks like you can buy direct and they can ship it to you


https://help.rockingreen.com/article/57-where-can-you-ship-your-products-to

Their site also is a good resource on which product to use and how.

Hope this helps!

[12 Month Diaper Program]

I’m pretty sure he’s anonymous

[Strange days indeed - a 24 x 7 experiment]

I have a few questions

For the ammonia issue, I tackle this with a “funk rock” pretreatment, and “hard rock” detergent.

If it’s really bad I’ll use an enzyme spray after each wash, or if I know I can’t get it to the wash I’ll hand rinse it, let it dry overnight and spray the enzyme formula in the morning.

I also keep activated charcoal bags in my nappy hamper, and am in the process of trying another odor absorber.

If you want to invest in an ionizer, I’ve heard good things, especially for more of the humid smells, even in cloth/clothing.

As for rashes. I use not just wipes but a no wash soap on the wipes. In place of the airing out, which is no longer feasible a I’m not safe to go without

(learned that through a few days of testing, and let’s just say it’s as much awareness as it is sensation that is very far gone).

I use a combination of several boosters for their wicking abilities, a hook/loop (Velcro) diaper like the new xp5000 and the fantastico. I will then use powder on the diaper itself, a clean wipe to apply both an antibiotic and moisture barrier cream, and then tape up. I find the key is to use very thin layers of each, which a clean wipe helps to spread, get an extra change in for a few days as well. The hook/loop helps with not worrying about the grease or powder affecting tapes.

[Hypnosis that works for incontinence]

I believe that one of the largest benefits to hypnosis, specifically the recorded files is that it helps put the mind into a more suggestible and receptive state. This, at the most basic level is like a guided meditation. It can bridge the conscious and subconscious and allow those mental blocks to come down. Essentially allowing you to get out of your own way.

Hypnosis is a very effective way to fascinate a goal or experience that you could not achieve on your own. It of course has the benefits of normalizing a goal and that dopamine hit can be extremely relaxing, and the feel good feeling the dopamine provides can get easily associated with the goal your working on; bringing that dopamine hit into your daily life outside of the recording. This can be an extremely effective combination. Normalization, getting out of your own way, and a feel good dopamine hit, rather than guilt and shame, when you are working on that goal in the other 23 hours of your day. For some people that can be enough to tip the balance into self acceptance and sticking with it.

Side note: the placebo effect is not, not nothing. It is in fact a very measurable indicator. The placebo effect is also known to be effective even in open trials; that is where a patient is told that the rx they are being given is a sugar pill, and to take the sugar pill every morning for said condition. One hypothesis states that this is do to the ritual effect of not only the sugar pill being taken daily at a certain time, but also the relationship between doctor and patient. The belief, trust, and really the validation from another person in combination with a bit of showmanship and the ritual of actually spending time with an empathetic human being is enough to allow the body to do what it needs to do in order to heal.

[Strange days indeed - a 24 x 7 experiment]

I wonder if a high quality pull-up, which tends to be both more breathable and a bit less tight would do the trick? I will use these when I’m getting ready, have weird timing for changes, like two hours before my typical bedtime change that I can’t make it to because the overly soaked diaper won’t last.

It may be just me, but I rarely have much liquid output when exercising, and if I do they are smaller than my even typically small voids.

Something I would not have considered early on due to flooding, but nowadays and especially with exercising that’s not really an issue.

[Best Boosters/Doublers.]

I am looking for a perfect doubler, disposable.

 

My goals are extremely quick wicking/tend to flood

 

Long time of feeling dry

 

Pass through and absorbs urine evenly

 

Best price per/oz. this should include avg tax/shipping.

 

I am perfectly okay with using 2 smalls side by side rather than one large, which is what I do with NorthShore’s doublers.

 

Because of the free shipping I’m consider xpmedical as I’m now kinda hooked one or new xp5000.

 

Any feedback is appreciated,

Thanks!

[Thoughts on unpotty training and becoming incontinent]

To put this in context, none this is an "always" thing for me right now so I don't feel like I've stepped off any precipices.  It seems to come and go.  For the last few nights, I can distinctly recall wetting events and would consider myself as having been fully continent, just simply choosing to void in my diapers.
Today, I'm sitting at my desk dozing through an online work meeting and I'm quite drippy and dribbly in my ABU Simple and it would seem like such an effort and uncomfortable to bother about imposing some kind of control.
Yesterday was the complete reverse.  I was out providing driving instruction to a teenager.  If any scenario would induce involuntary urination you would think that one would tick the box.  I found myself repeatedly "stuck".  I could tell I had a bit of pee that really I should let my nappy deal with so as to avoid a later flood but it was hard to start.
It does not seem to be a linear descent but rather wildly fluctuating.
I do wonder about the bedwetting thing:  SO many people have told me that this would be the LAST thing to happen, not the first...

Context upon context here, haha.

I have a hypothesis that has been in development for some time of how neuro patterns are the underpinnings of all this. By all this I mean the habits of when and where to control your bladder.

When I refer to the default mode it is the brain’s default neuro pattern that is active or would be activated in a particular situation, stimuli, etc. The reason why there can be a bleeding effect is because as we exercise and reinforce a specific pattern it gets stronger and more easily activated. If the brain has the choice of more than one strong patterns it’s going to choose one to be dominant, the go to, the default. This is where the tipping point comes in. As there has been such an effort in so many situations of just letting go and nature taking its course, even if it’s not intentional, it can become the default mode in one or more situations. Once this patter. Becomes dominant in one situation it is very easy for the neuro pattern to “reach out” and spread across more situations, maybe not being dominant at first, but certainly becoming stronger as it has more neurons that will trigger that pattern. Eventually those unintended, but not avoided situations can trigger the same pattern and the brain can even decide it prefers that pattern. This is where the snowball effect comes in.

To explain the driving experience you mention I would bet that there are physical barriers that have not changed enough. Driving or sitting in general is often a huge barrier for many to wet freely and comfortable. This is due to pressure on various parts of the body, posture, more difficult shifting positions etc. This can be enough to stop that default mode, at least for awhile.

Of effort, intentional practice is made to be able to easily wet in that specific position, the pattern that makes this ease of wetting, at a conscious level while being in a car (shifting weight, lifting hips, all the fidgeting etc) can activate or get activated as the two patterns become wired together and thus can trigger one another.

Onto bed wetting. It is accepted in many medical circles that bed wetting is habitual rather than structural. This is why it’s so hard to stop and start, and why it’s so tightly coupled to what is worn etc. the habit, and therefore the default mode is both unconscious, and subconscious. Meaning, all other things being equal the brain will rely on the default mode for the specific circumstance. At first this can be tied or coupled very closely with only in diapers for instance. But as diapers become the dominant/majority that pattern again gets highly reinforced, meanwhile the pattern of not wetting when not wetting gets weaker and may even get pruned. Both are culprits to eventually wetting while not diapered; that bleeding effect.

I don’t think it gets mentioned often enough, but bed wetting most often occurs Between sleep cycles, or at the very end of them. It is also typical for anyone to wake up for 1-3 minutes between sleep cycles- this is actually normal and something people don’t typically remember (this occurs to most everyone and is independent of bed wetting). Just like everyone else, and just like bed welters this is the most likely time for someone to both wake up AND wet the bed, and both are likely not to be consolidated to long term memory or even recalled upon or shortly after waking.

This neuro pattern hypothesis also has another implication, in that it not coupled to the physical strength of any muscles. All of the keeping relaxed is what reinforces the pattern, and although the weakness is correlated with higher levels of loss of control, it is not required and is merely a result of the most efficient ways of staying relaxed. Once those patterns become default there are only coupled to the relaxed state and not the physical strength. Later on as I mentioned all of this can have physical results/impacts once the nervous system (ANS specifically) gets involved through brain body communications.


Going back to your points on this not being an all the time thing, that doesn’t change the unintended neuro pattern bleeding that could hit that tipping point. It also explains the ups and downs as there as many variables in any situation the can cause one pattern to be chosen by default over another, when the brain has multiple strong patterns to chose from.

Specifically I would guess that small amounts of alcohol are enough to filter out some of those variables and result in the wet mornings. This can also be seen as a sign that the two competing patterns are about equal strength right now and which one that gets activated is highly coupled to the variables in a specific situation. It also points to the tipping point already being present and the possibility of the unconscious wetting pattern to gain even more strength and reinforcement while the conscious wetting simultaneously losing strength, and thus leading to the snowball effect.

.....pretty much this entire hypothesis is centered upon and pulls from different areas of neurology, psychology, physiology as well as to a lesser degree personal experience.

[Thoughts on unpotty training and becoming incontinent]

I found myself also strangely diffident about consciously exercising continence but I felt I needed to understand where my body was at after a year diapered.  I don't think that single venture really recovered anything.  If anything I was slightly reassured that if I absolutely needed to, I could hang on for a short while.
I do intend to see if I wet the bed without nappies but I need my spouse to be away for this to happen and with lock-down, she's not going anywhere.  Our mattress has a waterproof sheet so it won't be the end of the world but she will freak out if she finds out I have done this to myself.  If it turns out I truly do wet the bed irrespective of being diapered, I need to factor that in to my plans.
Things have continued to progress at daytime though.  Generally I'll be a bit "drippy" whilst showering.  Just sometimes, it seems like it would be such a monumental effort to clench down in between drying off and re-diapering myself, that I'll just hold a nappy against myself as I move around until I can put on some rash cream and diaper myself properly.  I suspect I could stop this from happening if I tried hard enough but trying hard enough just seems too hard.

It is wired being on the other side. This journey is as much about tipping points as anything else. It’s funny how at the beginning you focus so hard to create a habit and reflex that can be pushed into the background eventually so as not to be a distraction. At some point you realize that you’re in the opposite position that it now requires a concerted and concentrated effort to hold that body awareness and attention to biological signals that you’ve come to ignore.

All at once you realize the effort is no longer to push things into the background but rather the effort is to pull them into the foreground so that you have the choice to choose rather than react.

This is definitely one of the strongest indicators I know of that your at the edge of a precipice you may not be able to come back from if you continue to venture forward.

I hypothesize this is due to the mental work being done so as to change the default mode. Since the default is now to react with a conscious decision being made the changes in communication between the nervous system and brain can start a snowball effect that can have physical changes including atrophy; both of the muscles and neurological patterns.

In my experience with this path you can get to the point rather quickly of pre-potty training. That is to say that if you wish to retrain it is both a physical and mental effort. It is also the point where not having protection puts you at a higher likelihood of actual accidents. Yes you might be able to to clamp down quickly but only after you become aware of the wetness. In order to maintain control you also need to keep a constant focus much like you did when trying to stay relaxed at the beginning.

I do believe it is possible to regain much control, if needed and desired, but it requires going through the same journey you had as a toddler. Just like most toddlers the bed wetting is likely to be last to recover, and possibly not at all.

[Strange days indeed - a 24 x 7 experiment]

My early experience in Fetlife was when I wrote my first book. I mentioned it there and the torrent of vitriol and vile abuse truly astonished me. It was vicious and a massive pile-on. It went on for some time and then I decided to investigate... yes, unsurprisingly NOT ONE OF THE ABUSERS had actually read the book but chose t abuse the mere concept of a book seeking to describe and detail ABDL behaviour. wow... 
Ive met some nice people on there although I rarely go there and most are simply people I've met on Twitter who contact me there. 
The funniest thing for me was when first abused a small group of people decided that they would 'write their own book' to counter mine (despite never reading it in the first place. They then set up a thread dedicated to the task and got as far as discussing the copyright page and then nothing in the 8 years since.
DD is certainly a nice place with seemingly effective moderation but most people seem to self-moderate anyhow. Perhaps it is the black and foreboding design of Fetlife that brings out so many peoples 'dark side'.
I got banned from the main ABDL group on fetlife for the 'sin' of posting about a new survey we were conducting. The premise was that the survey was 'making money' although how that was possible is beyond me. And just as a further proof that self-awareness is so rare, the moderator who banned me was the webmaster/owner of an ABDL pay site who routinely mentioned it in the group.
There are many, many lovely people I've met during this online/writing journey, but the path has been littered by a pile of unpleasant cretins as well. DD however, is a paradise.

I do wonder if the self moderation on DD has to do with the target audience. In my experience fetlife is a catch all, from the very mild to the extremely extreme.

For reasons I’m not sure I’ll ever truly understand nappies seek to fall on the extreme end of the spectrum for most people, even those that are kinky. It’s unfair as, even as a lifestyle and taken to the extreme it rarely goes beyond harmless and consensual. Alas this community seems to polarize, outrage, and disgust so many. It’s frustrating to be certain.

I do wonder if the younger generations will become more accepting, as it seems that starting with the millennials there has been a backlash against “adulthood” and the ever present experience of never really feeling grown up. Maybe it’s just the visibility we have now, but it seems like the frustration of the grind, making all the right moves but still losing the game, the hype of “growing up” being just that, hype is creating or amplifying the longing wistful nostalgia of childhood.

If this is indeed the case, it would seem that nappies and the sweetness and feelings of comfort and safety that often comes with our desires may becoming more relatable. My hope is at the very least that the shock of our lifestyle is dampened simply became there is so much more to compare it against these days.

Still, I’m still extremely weary of bringing up anything related to nappies in most relationships, dating etc. Simply been burned so many times. Oddly I’m completely comfortable to bring up most any other kink. I do look forward to the day where casually dropping an interest my interest in nappies and regression provokes no more shock or outrage than dropping the interest in bdsm.

Your books certainly help the community and I am so very thankful to have you in our community, so thank you!

[Electrical Stimulation Experiment]

Feel like it’s important to note here that ECT aka shock treatment has not been discontinued and is still widely used for various diagnoses. It is not done in back alley ways, but in top universities and medical centers. Just FYI.

[Has anyone tried the NEW Beyond XP5000?]

the run small in the size range
I bought mediums thinking they would fit like dry care or Abena mediums, they don't
there more like a small
[emoji3525]

I’d agree with that. If the megamax run big, these run small. I have a near identical sizing experience with the medium xp5000 as I do with the megamax smalls.

[24/7 startups, and unexpected pitfalls?]

Definitely need a knee-pillow.  As a matter of fact, even though I just wear Abena L4's at night, I'm seriously considering the purchase of a knee pillow (or two).

Well, glad I’m not the only one who has considered this since sleeping in diapers.

[24/7 startups, and unexpected pitfalls?]

One of my favorite tools for “retaping construction” is 3M’s tear by hand day packaging tape. It basically acts as a reinforcement, extender, and allows for either a tighter fit, a retape, or a second, second chance. It’s also nice as it can be used on top of other tapes and can help with expanding the width of the original tape, useful when I know I’m going to be active and if not perfectly fit I’m gonna run into issues.

The tape itself is very easy to work with, about 3x the thickness of normal packaging tape, and a bit thicker and more durable than most high quality tabs.

The other solutions I’ll use these for is if I know the diaper I’m using swells up quickly and the swelling can affect the tapes, popping them off. Or, if I know it’s gonna be a long haul, and a have used a booster to ensure a good fit over the long run (I am sometimes bed bound due to various issues, which makes even a quick change unpredictable). As I wrote that last note I realized that I’ve used these to adjust the fit on a daytime diaper that would typically leak at night to the cut and body position.

I also like the tape is extremely sticky, and yet shell/landing zone compatible, allowing for multiple adjustments on pretty much any plastic backed diaper I’ve tried it on, without damaging the shell. It’s certainly not great however for multiple goes on cloth backed, but can still be used to reinforce or even repair a small tear.



MMM3841 - Scotchreg; Tear-by-Hand Mailing Packaging Tape, 1.88 x 52.5 Yds https://www.amazon.com/dp/B009A56SZM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_Y1ATEbQ34R8SY

One roll could last an entire case, even if used on all 4 tapes.

[XP5000]

How is the fit/cut compared to say the magnifico or megamax? Are the wings super stretchy like the magnifico?

Right now I primarily use the megamax small primarily and am looking for a similar fit but with Velcro. I found that I basically sized out of the magnifico because I could not get them tight enough around the thighs and waist, the wings were simply too stretchy.

Thanks!

[Strange days indeed - a 24 x 7 experiment]

I think you're on the money when you reference texting.  The zeitgeist of the chat zone was that of a texted conversation.  I never really "got" texting even though I'm gen-x.  As if email wasn't already impoverished enough as a nuanced communication medium.
I don't mean to be rough on the chat participants, don't get me wrong there (well ok, I had *some* fun there).  Firstly, they were the ones on that day, there will be other days and other chat participants (so all chats may not run the same way).  Secondly, even if all chats were the same, it's ME who was the odd one out, not them!  They were perfectly happy with this.
It was also became blindingly apparent that I was a generation behind them and that I simply shouldn't be there.

I dunno if it’s a purely generational thing. I’m in the millennial generation, got my first computer at age 6, internet at age 9, and my degree and career are in IT/engineering/design. Heck I even had my first iPhone way back in 2009. Yet I have never liked shorthand slang, emojis, etc. I often get fed up with work email chains and am known to pick up the when called, or call and resolve the issue rather than dragging things out via email.

Maybe I’m the odd one out in that my background and experience combines IT, engineering, user experience/design, graphic design, programming, front line phone support, b2b relationship management, business admin, finance and economics. Then I personally have events in my life that have given me the insight and motivation to deep dive into communication, psychology, neurology, meta learning etc.

I tend to fit into a weird liaison role very naturally; being an interrupter across teams, departments, customers and businesses alike.

I suppose I’m saying that I think it’s not a generational and technology issue but rather those things have given light to how much we use tech as a crutch and how that crutch fails when we do not learn how, or value effective communication as a foundational life skill. Previous generations and the history of humanity from tribes to modern civilization has depended on or failed due to lack of communication skills and our ability to talk to strangers. With the internet we can now trick ourselves into believing that strangers aren’t important and don’t exist- doesn’t everyone share the same viewpoint and have the same life experience as I do? My Facebook feed sure tells me so!

Heck even in this community there are so many assumptions of what is normal, typical, good, bad, a “true” abdl or not.

If we look at the incontinent desires forum there is s so much decent that can be seen on best approaches, to attempt or not to, what’s possible or not. All of that even with heavy moderation.

My “what to expect” thread from waaay back when now seems so quaint, maybe perhaps even civil in its tolerance of exploration.

I’ve always been one for longer threads and posts, much like yourself. I think chat rooms are like a dice game in that you don’t know what you’re gonna get and often trend to the lowest comment denominator due to the real time nature of things.

I think of chat rooms like a bar. You keep the language and nature of what is said short and sweet, while trying to get attention and be heard over the constant roar.

Forums, blogs etc allow for a more intimate conversation like sitting at home with a friend with a cup of tea. They allow for nuance and deeper levels of communication in a large part due simply by circumstance and how ready the other is to engage.

But, yeah I know I’m biased.

PS, you might enjoy

“Talking to strangers” by Malcolm Gladwell - audiobook version highly recommended.

And
“99% invisible” podcast by Roman Mars.

And thank you for your thoughtfulness and insights, and long form creative writing in your blog.

[Strange days indeed - a 24 x 7 experiment]

Oof Oznl! Yeah that’s rough. There’s certainly a disparity between talking, texting and communicating. In my experience that has only gotten worse between the extremes, the chasm between an empty void.

 

It’s sad that even in the best of times and under the best conditions many aren’t interested in communication, but rather echoing in a chamber where new and dissenting opinions thoughts and ideas are non existent. No need to explain oneself as everyone already knows and agrees with what you’re about to say. It’s easy, it feels good, the dopamine hit is addicting.

 

I do wonder how impacted one’s ability is to absorb and process written information is under all these stresses. One would think that in a day and age where most everything is important, that needs to be shared is documented, put to words on paper or on the screen would help.

 

In my experience though it seems the platform really has just changed and habits carry over and become the default pattern under stress when the prefrontal cortex is comprised and the limbic system is on the hunt for danger. Most people I know never learned how to communicate effectively. Nobody really teaches to listen for understanding and intention rather than waiting for the earliest chance to jump in with your own thoughts or ideas. It leads to the talking over, seeing and hearing only what you want and a lot of frustration.

 

I too have been surprised how little gets processed, even or especially when I make an effort to articulate my words. In these days where I communicate almost entirely through text and the communication is

Is asynchronous I would guess that only about 10% of what I actually write actually gets processed and given any thought.

 

Alas, I’m stubborn and was converted to nuance years ago.

 

Who knew? Words matter? They matter not because they are proper grammar, proper English but they matter because it’s the best we’ve got. Yes words fall so incredibly short of the qualia each of us actually experiences. Words rely on context, background of the subject and framework, not to mention frame of mind. Too often they are misconstrued.

 

I wish I could be blunt, factual, to the point but too often that clarify is muddied by the mind, it’s not enough.

 

As far as we’ve come in using written language to communicate across time and space, most have never learned the most basic concept.

 

AGI: Assume good intentions

 

If this was a universal rule we might feel better understood, we might be able to get to the point or not be overwhelmed by the amount of information we have to go through. Who knows we might even not need to skim or speed read. The long wordy stuff could be saved for topics and subjects that really are that complex or require nuance for understanding of the subject and narrative. They could be saved for storytelling, for teaching and learning, for actual conversations rather than distribution of facts and information.

 

But...that’s asking too much.

 

Instead we are stuck with the void and those shouting into it, and those whispering from the other side, Berger to be heard except by those who need not hear it.

[24/7 startups, and unexpected pitfalls?]

All that being said, here I am in a Barnyard under the cycling shorts and a pair of jeans, the barnyard being perhaps the largest diaper in my arsenal. I am definitely going to look into the Spanx options when I have a chance; if they are better at disguising diaper bulk than this, I may be in business. If anyone has any comments as to how one sizes compression garments like that, let me know - do I shoot for one size up, once size down, how does it work? All I know about things in those magic materials is that the dance shorts my kids wear all look like they would maybe fit on a teddy bear, and I can never tell whose is whose when we're sorting the laundry. 
 

I think it’s going to be very brand dependent and also will vary with the results that you’re actually looking for. By that I mean are you looking for the compression garments to normalize you’re shape to how you look without diapers, or normalize your shape while wearing and this both dry and the ensuing expansion; minimizes the difference in body shape variance from one hour to the next ?

In either case I would suggest using a cloth tape measure to measure your body with and without a diaper, with a dry diaper and clothes, with regular underwear and clothes, and with a wet diaper, soaked to what do you would be typically the max acceptable/likely swelling before you want to/able to change. I would then average out those measurements and look for a brand and style that fits that mean measurement as a starting point. In all likelihood you may have to experiment just a little bit and may not get it correct on the first try. My hope would be that The extra the looseness while the diapers dry would even out the bulkiness that gets compressed all the diaper is wet.

[24/7 startups, and unexpected pitfalls?]

This pretty much drills down on what I have failed to do; I have a couple of articles of clothing that can work as camouflage over a larger diaper, but most of my day-wear is not sized to fit over anything but a slim diaper, and I have not done what you and [mention=18701]oznl[/mention] do with respect to plastic pants and compression garments. This stems at least in part from vanity - I dropped a lot of weight (about 120 lbs) over the past decade, and so have happily resized my wardrobe, giddy at being able to buy pants off the rack again. After I embarked on this voyage of putting myself back into diapers, I went up one size when buying new clothes, but I don't buy a lot of new clothes, and even when I do, one size provides a bit more leeway for my diaper-butt to go unnoticed whilst wearing something discrete, but, if I were to put on a size L BetterDry or a Rearz Elite, with a desire to walking about in the world, I would need to go up at least one more size, and that doesn't take plastic pants into consideration, either. So if I'm naturally about a size 36, and I start strutting about in size 40 trousers, the difference is notable enough that people who know me well would raise an eyebrow. As an aside, I already had my wife call attention to my wearing pants in size 38 at a social gathering - she asked a friend's wife to confirm her opinion that my pants were too large. What I could not say in that moment was "Because I've got a goddamn diaper on - THANKS!!!"
This has become more noticeable to me now that everyone is home ALL the time; before the end-times kicked off, I used to be able to get two or three work-from-home days a week where my kids would be at school, and I could wear whatever super-diaper (to borrow a term) I had gone to bed in, until well into the afternoon, because only my wife had to put up with what it did to my silhouette. Then, I'd put something slim on, make dinner and spend the evening, and once they went to bed, I was back in a big puffy diaper. On the days when I left the house for work, I'd typically wear a slim diaper and a onesie that looks like a t-shirt up top, and put a backup diaper in my briefcase (brief-case...).  However, now, I'm having to strain the inattentiveness of my kids by wearing medium-duty diapers when I can, but often, depending on what we're up to, I just have to throw in the towel and put a "work" diaper on. 
Maybe I should just go all-in, super-size all my trousers, and be able to wear what I want, when I want, with a resultant diminishing of my need to think much about if and when I wet. Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself - I went from secretly wearing diapers at night and on business trips, to wearing them all the time, and with the full knowledge of my spouse - maybe that's a lot of ground to have covered in a year, and if it takes a bit longer for me than it has for others to get to the point where I don't have to think about the going-ons down there, well, everybody is on their own path, aren't they? The only rules here are my own. Well, so far. I could see my spouse interjecting at this point...
Speaking of my "brief-case", do any of you employ dedicated diaper bags? I always just use either my laptop bag or a backpack I have, depending on if the destination is professional or casual. The only thing I put in either of them that would be related to my plastic underpants are a couple of diapers, disposal bags, and, depending on the circumstances, occasionally, a back-up pair of pants, although the performance of my regular diapers is something I understand almost innately now, so leaks are not that common. But they do happen, just, mercifully, usually as I'm on my way home, rather than on my way to a meeting or whatever. However, I must confess that I've seen some diaper bags online that have provoked slight envy, although, given the age of my children, carrying a leatherette bag festooned with cartoon characters would be difficult to explain. Maybe it's better to always look like I'm just about to head out on a survivalist hike. 
 

This post ended up becoming a very detailed guide on how to rework a wardrobe, and i decided to leave it lengthy and detailed for anyone that needs it.


Reworking you’re wardrobe takes time. I would suggest tackling it using the 80:20 rule. In all likelihood 20% of your wardrobe you wear 80% of the time and/or 20% of the stuff you wear causes 80% of the issues, but also happens to coincide with what you wear most often.

Start by examining the stuff you actually wear (before you went full time. ). This should give you an idea of what your favorites are, the cuts, the types of things you wear most often, and what your before shape was. It can also help to see what items can be still used, even if it requires a modifier (like a long untucked shirt. Some Gary pants, a onesie, etc etc ) remember that it’s okay to have different categories. By that I mean I have loungewear, sleep wear, errand wear, and semi professional/professional wear (can’t really exercise due to health intolerances).

Many of those categories have much more flexibility simply due to how and when and where those clothes are used. There is a difference between loose fitting as a style and too big.

Now, out of that 20% of clothes that you wear/would like to wear most often (assuming the fit works for what body shape your after without a diaper). Try those on with two (double diapered) of the diaper you would normally wear for each item (as described by category above).

This should mimic a worst case fully used, bloated and swelled diaper. Remember to try different movements, positions etc like crossing the legs, bending over, reaching, walking, etc.

Set aside stuff that works, in two categories- the stuff that works and matches the body shape your trying to mimic, and the stuff that “yeah it’ll hide it well enough, but looks like an off the wrack suit; kinda awkward, not flattering but also not unflattering.

For the latter category, see if you can get it to the “just works” but trying other items with it to cover up the problems. Start taking note of what the common problem areas are, if it’s truly a size/waist thing or if it’s just a cut, style, position...this will be helpful later.

I like to start from the “professional/work” attire first and usually do tops and bottoms separately throwing in jackets, coats etc as needed. I of course have a standard bottom that I’m using as my worst case “if I can make an outfit work with these yoga pants/slacks/shorts” it’ll work with any other bottom in that category. This usually involves using longer tops that would not need to be tucked in, or adding something over it like a coat.

When you find a top, even if it’s just one that works with your worst case scenario make a note of why it works, and compare it why other stuff doesn’t. This could be the brand, the cut, the length, the color, of the college covers the onesie or not, if it helps to minimize the transition from diapered waist to body etc.

Now reverse the process, with your worst case top (that you really use, and want to use for this category). For bottoms that don’t work, you can try onesies, Gary pants, etc etc- if you haven’t already, but again take note of the bottoms that do work and why. What makes them different from everything else? Can the “works but not flattering or unflattering “ be pushed to flattering if paired with a different top or additional item? For the bottoms that just don’t work for your goal of body shape and use, again note where it’s lacking, see if there are patterns such as waist is never an issue but the same cut, same brand but a different length all of a sudden moves the crotch down and, perfect!

For anything that doesn’t work in this category I move it down the line, over and over. Meaning I start with business at the top of requirements, as that is most strict, but instead of tossing it, I will move it “down” to another category such as errands, work from home, social, loungewear, sleep wear.

The goal at this point is to figure out your style, and create outfits that match the body shape your going for. As you lost weight this can be a great opportunity to rework your wardrobe to put more of an emphasis on parts of your body that your proud of, may have tried to hide before, basically your aesthetic assets. You may be surprised to find that even without a diaper your go to outfits don’t really emphasize your work and assets and they may have been trying to cover them up previously, intentionally or not and thus fall into the “not flattering but not unflattering category” even if they are/would be go to outfits. This can happen due to change in body shape and the brain keeps compensating for things that are no longer an issue, even when buying new stuff.

Okay, at this point you hopefully have gotten through all of the 20% of stuff that you wear/would like to, moved items around as needed, hopefully have some new go to outfits in each category and have started to see repeated patterns of what works and doesn’t work based on different variables for each category. You likely also have soome individual items that work on their own but are misfits and not a full outfit. This is finally the point where you should have an idea of what you need to make that top, or bottom an outfit- if you could find the appropriate matching piece.

Once you’ve gotten to this point I would suggest looking at the rest of the 80% of your wardrobe and trying to find those missing pieces, as well as quickly trying on everything once using the worst case senecio (assuming there’s a chance that you would maybe want to possibly wear that item.).

Set aside anything that you would never wear again ONLY because you don’t like it. You can take all of those items to your thrift store. At this point separate but don’t throw out the items that are on the edge simply because they don’t perfectly match the shape your going for, but you do like them. Those are nice for laundry days and will be of use later on a day to day basis.

Thrift store time!
Time to donate and explore. You may want to take your notes of the patterns you saw for stuff that worked and didn’t work, as well as pictures for items that are missing an item to complete the outfit. You want to start at thrift stores, then outlet stores, and finally the stores you buy from regularly. The HUGE benefits of thrift stores and some outlet stores are they carry tons of different brands, sizes, styles, cuts, etc. it’s not unlikely that you find a few specific brands, cuts, or different styles that work great with diapers, are your style, and fit your need. The same goes with outlets.

Do not despair if you can’t find a perfect replacement. That’s the icing on the cake. The point is to very quickly find the brands, cuts, and styles that work for your new thinner diapered body in each of the categories. Once you have that info you can buy from those brands new as needed.

Last piece of this puzzle is a lion and witch. Oh wait, different wardrobe survival guide! The last piece of this wardrobe survival guide is to remember that consistent body shape from one day to the next is key when wearing 24/7. This means that the longer you wear the more your able to push the boundaries of your “normal” shape. All those “on the edge” items I told you to hold onto can be reintroduced as time goes on, first with thinner diapers, and then slowly with thicker ones as needed. Stuff that was moved down to less strict category can be moved back up. This occurs because your diapered butt and groin is no longer your diapered butt and groin, it’s just how your butt and groin look, and your body type. Even if there is a difference on bulge through the day, most everyone will not notice as your taking it back to baseline multiple times a day, most people are in their own world, wouldn’t notice a gorilla walk through the room, and when they do look or notice any difference their brain will likely discard that info before it gets to the conscious brain (I’m totally going to make this obvious now. Stop reading this post, look around your environment without turning your head against every small detail you can find. How many of those details had you not/would not have seen until I called your attention to it?). Even if someone happens to notice something, they are very unlikely to go straight to “diaper” unless they are already aware of what that shape looks like, and the difference between the sound of a diaper crinkle and any other fabric. They then have to further associate that knowledge, once they thought of it, with you, and conclude that is the only explanation. This will almost never happen unless it is a person that has constantly worked with adults in diapers, or knows because you have told them. In either case both examples should have the etiquette and Denny to keep their mouth shut about it. If (when is more realistic) someone does find out, and actually brings it up, they are going to assume you need them and they aren’t optional, leaving it at that.

So again, consistent body shape is the key in the end, and body shape is mailable over time allowing slow changes to your wardrobe that might be obvious today in comparison to no diaper but are not worth a first glance if nudge the boundaries of your body shape over a year or more. Body shapes always change, whether that’s growing up, growing old, weight loss, weight gain, or the fact that styles of clothes change, people wear different styles even in the same day/week which completely changes their perceived body shape. Sure you won’t ever be able to hide your diaper if you strip down, but besides that you can work diapers into your wardrobe just like any other piece of underwear.

PS. A small backpack works great for a diaper bag, and can be super convenient for those presenting as a gender where constantly carrying a purse is not the norm.

[24/7 startups, and unexpected pitfalls?]

Well, as far as I've gone with my spouse to get to this point, you'd think I'd be fearless now, but I still had a "gulp" moment last night when I pulled a Rearz Princess Pink from my diaper drawer. I am trying to be pragmatic and equal-opportunity when it comes to my baby pants during this weird situation, so I resolved that I would wear whatever came to hand. I haven't ever bought a case of them, only a couple of sample packs at a warehouse sale almost two years ago now, but I'm trying to avoid reordering by mail, if there's a chance that I could pick up an order in a few weeks, so I'm drawing down all reservoirs, including the odds and ends. 
I've worn all kinds of absurdly printed diapers in front of my long-suffering spouse at this point, but those ones are really, really pink, so I thought that I would take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and announce it myself, rather than facing the possibility that she would say nothing, while quietly wondering if I were going to commence cross-dressing at some point (not in the plans...). So, I said "Hey, check these out - I had a couple of these in a multi-pack I bought on sale. I didn't want to waste them, so here I am."  She looked up and had a laugh, so at that point I felt free to just go about my business, and I picked up a book and got into bed and sat there for probably an hour on top of the covers, in my big pink diaper, feeling slightly self-conscious, but also relishing that I was able to wear that diaper and just go about my business. 
I'm going to be wearing it again tonight, because I tossed and turned until well into the early hours, finally fell asleep, and awoke to my alarm clock having had maybe a few hours sleep at most, and I woke up completely dry. Princess Pinks are definitely at the large end of the spectrum, and loud, and unlikely to go unnoticed under my trousers with everyone in the house, so I reluctantly took it off and put on one of the plastic Depends that are only good for a few hours. Changing out of it will give me an incentive to run this afternoon. 
That got me thinking about the timing of my diaper use in general, and whether or not it's "natural", or entirely artificial... let me explain. Particularly these days, I'm trying to cut down on the number I'm using, and being at home pretty much all the time tends to help with that, in so far as I can push a diaper to pretty close to its limits, since I'm down the hall from a new one at all times, and I'm never going to be on the highway three hours from here if I cross the line and dampen a pair of pants at the leg gathers or whatever. But, I have found myself timing out my diaper use, thinking, "Let's push this one a bit further, because then I could make my next one last until tomorrow.." etc. The one time that I can wee when I'm not in a diaper is when I'm going #2 - I take whatever diaper I'm wearing off for that - so I've occasionally held it for a bit to go to the washroom for the other task, thus preserving some diaper capacity. Not being able to wear my largest diapers very often, because everyone is around, is causing me to try to get by using two medium diapers, or a medium and two slims, in a 24-hour period. 
But this feels like I'm cheating a bit. I know that kids certainly don't pay any attention to the timing or rate of their diaper decimation - my eldest, for example, was famous for preferring a nice clean dry diaper before letting lose a double-barrel blast that rattled the windows and necessitated an outfit change. The incontinent presumably don't try to time out their use, although I imagine that for people who are only functionally incontinent, due to immobility, but who otherwise have control of their faculties, timing things out is probably critical. I recall chatting with a fellow here who suffered from some kind of immobility issue, and he had someone coming twice a day to change his diaper, once in the morning and once around dinner. If I were in his shoes, I would definitely be timing my deposits as best I could, so that I didn't have to spend most of an 8-hour day, or a 16-hour night, with a load on board. Though I'd imagine someone in that situation would discover, as I have, that it's best to give in to circumstance, and wet as you need to, because saving it up and unleashing infrequent deluges, probably quadruples the possibility of a leak. 
Although to be fair to myself, while I'm not being true, perhaps, to the habits of my pre-potty training days, if anything, I'm way more relaxed now with respect to using my diaper than I was when I was an older kid. Although I might have had a diaper on several hours before I went to sleep, depending on the circumstances, I practically never used it, back then, if I was awake, and I always tugged down the front of my diaper, and went pee in the toilet, right before I went to bed, although while it undoubtedly reduced the volume I could produce in the night, it rarely eliminated the eliminations completely. 
What do you folks do? Those of you who have a choice, anyway? Do you just go when the need strikes, and schedules and inventory be damned? Or are you strategic? Part of me wishes that I could just forget that I have a diaper on. I get there, on occasion; sometimes I'll go a couple of hours without it crossing my mind, although, when that happens, I often get tapped on the shoulder by the reality that my physical fitness in that department has suffered, and having forgotten my diaper, I've also forgotten to use it, and after 45 minutes or so, I'll get an urgent email from the nether regions. Whereas if I'm cognizant of the need to keep the taps open, then, paradoxically, I'll be almost unaware of what's happening, sometimes dribbling blissfully for minutes at at time, once I allow things to commence.
I used to think that I was headed back toward autonomous nighttime wetting for sure, but lately I have started waking up dry, on the nights when I sleep deeply. It's probably been a couple of months since the last time I wet my overnight diaper with no recollection of kicking off the process. So I wonder if maybe I need to be stricter about being less strict,  paying less attention to what diaper I'm wearing, and what time it is, and how long until my next one, and would it make sense to wet this one when I want to run in an hour and then take a shower, and I'm not going to strap back into a damp diaper after that, and all those other considerations. Maybe I'm overthinking this. 

For me this where “adult” meets “abdl”. I know that in a perfect world I would not have to track such things and have a caretaker take control and remove that burden and responsibility off my hands. It’s certainly one of those things that prevents full satisfaction, even wearing 24/7.

Lemme put on my adult hat now... for me I do a combo of things. When I know the environment and the activity I just plan and schedule accordingly. These heavily relies on have a large sample of past experiences and having those past experiences being consistent without variables.

For instance I know that on average I will need between 3-5 changes after waking up and before going to sleep. The variability can be drilled down to a granular level for my most frequent type of days be it a at home work day, an at work work day, a lounge day, errand/home maintenance day, or a day that involves social gatherings.

These each affect my opportunities for changing, when the first change of the day occurs, and what I’ll be wearing. It also affects when I’ll be drinking, and when I’ll be eating. And of course what diapers I can wear and with what clothes so I can navigate life.

My biggest variable is whether I’m on keto diet at the time (drug resistant epilepsy) or not (pots;difficult maintaining electrolyte balance- made worse without extra water in the body-needed to bind to and isolate glycogen stores. A bit esoteric, but the difference is stark. On keto I can drink over a gallon a day and still be thirsty, when I have carbs in my body to help with a pots flare, I still drink a ton, and it gets held onto by the body, leading to a slower rate of saturation for any diaper for a few days while glycogen stores are being built up, with the exact opposite occurring when those glycogen stores are used up and the body, not needing to keep the extra water sheds it as urine.

So basically I take the situation for the day I know I’m likely to be in, adjust +- one diaper based on being keto or not and then I know how many diapers I’ll need for the day, along with what type of diaper.

My ace in the hole to reduce the cognitive effort is keeping on hand a Northshore or three booster (I buy their size small booster as the oz/per item piece is around 1/4 of their medium and above. That is I can get 4 small boosters each that consistently hold 12 oz for 2/3 the cost of one large booster than consistently holds 28 oz for me.

I keep a few of these boosters with me just in case my planning went to hell and want/need to stretch a diaper to get back onto schedule. I will either untapw the diaper and add the insert, or if need be just fold the insurrection and slip it front or back. You can also cut the insert in half which gives you more placement options and put only the amount of extra bulk you need, only where you want and need it. (Side sleeper technique as well).

If with all of this I’m still not sure and want to play it safe, I’ll throw on a pair of Gary wear active briefs as a last catch effort.

Mayo address your main point, being an adult involves being financially responsible. I personally try to reframe that perspective of timing to timing what we make the body do when not incontinent, such as limiting liquids at the movies, alcohol right before bed if we want to sleep through the night. I would bet that you could even plan with your eldest if you knew the general time, and chosen a diaper on the low absorption and low price side.

The only way I know how to defat all of this is through a very conservative and safe changing schedule that using strict times and a combo of diapers and covers, plastic pants, Gary wear, and onesies. Rework the wardrobe so every outfit works with the one diaper combo you will use at every stage of its absorbency/life.

For me I chose a similar path with Northshore megamax with boosters and either Gary wear, a onesie, or compression garment. This combo allowed me to change 3-4x a day, avoid most rashes, rarely leak, and best of all “feel” dry 90%+ of the time. While I rarely use them to capacity I do almost always never have to worry about position, what the day or diet looks like, and gives me a huge window of popularity to change. Yeah I had to rework my wardrobe but that wasn’t a huge deal, and much less obvious than the shape of my hips and groin changing day to day or worse hour to hour.

I certainly may be the exception here as I do have physical issues that intermittently keep me bed bound (stand up I faint) for days a time and this setup keeps me feeling dry and my bedsheets actually dry.

Nonetheless I hope It helps

[Unwanted Holding]

I'm not sure if I truly fail to notice that I'm wetting but more along the lines that it's such a frequent and unremarkable event that I might be more or less instantly forgetting that I did it.  A few times during the day now I've reached changing time and thought that I wasn't very wet to discover that I actually DID need a diaper change.  There is some evidence appearing that I think I've been dry but in fact I've been wetting and not remembering it.
This seems similar to what I've already experienced during nights:  waking up in a wet diaper with an empty bladder and dim or sometimes no recollection of how it happened.

My guess would be that during the day it’s likely a combo of all three; stress if retaining, unremarkable, and low risk. More accurately I would say that it’s not really forgetting, rather not remembering in the first place. For a relevant example (at the time of this post) think of the effort that it takes to remember NOT to touch your face, and all the times you do touch your face or are about to and then catch yourself. Something that used to be very unremarkable and low risk has become the opposite- until it becomes a habit and the norm, rather than the exception.

When we sleep, we actually typically wake up between sleep cycles for 2-3 minutes but rarely remember- this is normal and natural. I’m not positive but if my memory serves correctly it’s typically within this transition from one cycle to the next that bed wetting typically occurs- when our body is least likely to be paralyzed and just slipping out of rem. Why there is a strong correlation in the peeing yourself dream and waking up wet or wetting. In any case it would not be that unusual for one to “consciously” wake up, wet their diaper, and fall back to sleep, and would match up with our biology and again not remembering in the first place rather than forgetting.