LittleLion

I'd like to clarify that my post was not specifically written for this board, so it was not written with it's specific ruleset in mind. Given that my story caused no problems that I'm aware of after being posted, I did not memorize the rules of each specific site. That is, of course, correct. It's the only way website owners can truly be safe. As for stories written by minors, the one I mentioned was the most extreme example I knew of. In the vast majority, you do not know (which is a good thing, minors should generally keep their age to themselves on sites where adults are present). You can still usually tell since they are less likely to pay attention to spelling and grammar (sometimes to a point where their story, no matter how good, simply becomes unreadable), and almost always have predictable and non-sensical plots. I'd say that a major part of stories published in german spaces are like that, and could arguably be removed without anything of substance being lost. Of the stories written by adults concerning minors, in my experience (at least on the german boards I come from) they not only don't concern anything explicitly sexual, they do not even really concern ageplay the way most of us here would probably define it. The reasons why there is a character still in diapers vary, but those stories are ambitious enough to want to be proper stories with consistent characterization, arcs etc. first and foremost. On that note, there will be an ageplay group on the Cologne Pride parade this year (and there also was one last year). As far as we know, it's the first of it's kind worldwide. I really hope all participants take care to present themselves in a suitable way.

EDIT: I had to repost this, resulting in the topic appearing twice in the list, but the first one is not readable. I happened to post it just as some issues with this part of the forum started to crop up, which appears to have broken things. As you might know, I recently translated my story „A home full of boys“ into english in order to post it on a few related websites. That’s when I began to notice that there are some key differences between the german and international ABDL-communities when it comes to this aspect, which was a bit of a culture shock for me. These differences now (presumably) lead to a situation where I simply cannot post my story on one particular site. While I worked on the translation, I noticed that many international forums, at least in theory, have rules against ABDL-stories involving minors. That is somewhat understandable, as countries like the US have stricter age of consent laws compared to Germany. At least depending on which state you are in, with the US in particular being quite chaotic in that regard – there’s everything from 13 (like Conneticut) up to 18 (like in Idaho), and that’s before you consider things like whether or not one of the people involved is in a position of authority over the other (which definitely should be a factor). In Germany, the age of consent is 14 for most intents and purposes. And if a forum is accessible to minors or even explicitly allows their involvement, sexual content should and must, of course, be restricted. But that alone doesn’t sufficiently explain the difference if you ask me. For one because it assumes that ABDL-stories are automatically sexual content. An outsider might naturally assume as much and argue that the protagonists are automaticcaly sexualized / objectified. I can’t support that argument for two reasons, though. Firstly, many story authors are minors themselves. The vast majority of people don’t discover their interest in diapers on their 18th birthday, I’ve seen stories from authors as young as 13. As a minor, you’re unlikely to write adult protagonists. And as vulnerable as the younger members of such communities are, and need to be protected from those who would exploit them, they also need the opportunity to connect with peers and older like-minded people, who are more experienced and can help them deal with the often mixed feelings that come with these interests. But my second point is even more important: Most of those stories are about the author’s own fantasies and wish-fulfillment. Many write about the things they’d like to experience themselves or wish they had experienced (as kids). Sexual themes are, in my experience, the exception in such stories, and if they are present, it’s often in the context of things such as falling in love for the first time and/or coming out to, involving peers. So it’s the usual themes, just with this extra twist layered on top. In practice, if the rules I described were enforced like that, we would end up with a very paradoxical situation where sexual ABDL-stories are considered legitimate (if the characters involved are all legal adults, of course), but non-sexual ABDL-stories are deemed dangerous just because minors appear as characters or are the protagonists. And that is before we consider board-specific rules. On some sites I saw rules stating that characters below that age of 18 should not be portrayed as victims of abuse (or violence by caregivers in general). This rule is interesting to me because my story doesn’t clearly break or follow it – the protagonists are no longer in such a situation, but did experience it in their childhoods and occasionally talk about or remember it. And although I consciously avoid detailing that time too much and allow my readers to fill in the blanks, I couldn’t simply remove this aspect even if I wanted to. It’s a core part of my protagonists’ characterization, and the reason the Ziegler family even came to be the way it is portrayed in the story. That aside, plenty of children’s literature authors make a living writing children’s crime or adventure novels, where the protagonists sometimes end up being threatened, placed in dangerous situations, or otherwise experience violence. In practice, I haven’t had any issues on forums and boards with such rules so far. Instead, my story ended up disappearing twice from another site, which does not mention any rules regarding the stories posted there – both times no explanation was given, even after I specifically asked for it. That site has no problem with openly sexual ABDL-content, so the only reason I can think of are the minor protagonists of my story. And given the dissonance I just described above, I think that’s a shame. I don’t think that’s in line with the spirit of the law, and reinforces the notion that all ABDL-stories are erotic in their nature.

Chapter 15 - Just like you (Season finale) A little later we decided to take a short walk around the block – we could hardly spend the entire day inside. I mean, we could, but for some reason adults don’t like to see that, so we had to take the walk for an alibi. Rusty had rejoined us by now, after his Dad had dressed him as announced – picking a shirt and the shortall from last evening. Definitely looked fashionable, if not to say adorable, on him, but I refrained from saying that out loud, as he still seemed a little insecure. “Are we staying outside for long?” he asked. “I don’t know if I want to be seen like this.” “It’s no big deal,” my brother replied. “I’m dressed the same way. Nobody will think about it.” “But…” “Rusty,” I intervened. “Really, nobody is going waste a thought on it. You look a little like an overgrown primary schooler. But it’s not like adult never wear overalls.” “If you say so…” "We mean it,” Sammy giggled. “Believe me, we know.” After a short march we arrived at the playground. “Monkey bars?” Sammy asked. Rusty nodded, meaning I was overruled. These monkey bars were actually a series of ropes forming a spider-web-like maze. Of course, as big boys, we had no trouble navigating between the ropes, but Rusty seemed content climbing to the top and resting there. After some consideration, I decided to join him. “Are you alright?” Rusty nodded. “I’m just thinking?” “About what?” Sammy asked. “Sammy,” I reminded. “He doesn’t have to tell us. “It’s alright, Luka. It’s about what you just witnessed.” “With your dad?” Rusty nodded again, then he looked to ground. “Can we help?” my brother and I asked almost simultaneously. “OK, that was a little creepy,” Rusty said, unable to hide a grin. “Are you secretly twins after all?” “Only birthday twins,” Sammy giggled. “Seriously?” “First of May,” I confirmed. “So we’ll never have to go to school or work on our birthday.” “Unless you end up in a job like my Dad back then,” Rusty noted woefully. “Was probably weird for you.” “Our birthdays weren’t really celebrated at home. But yes, I imagine it was weird. Imagine being at home, being happy that you’re turning three years old, and then your mum just starts giving birth to a baby.” Sammy giggled at the thought. “But I got the best birthday present in the world, even if I didn’t immediately appreciate it.” “Aww… I love you too, brother dear.” Sammy offered a brofist, which I of course reciprocated. “So, can we help you?” Sammy asked again. “Well… maybe you can. Out of everyone I know, you’ll probably know best.” “Then do tell.” Rusty said nothing for a bit. I briefly considered if we should give him some space for a bit, after all, but then he looked at us. “You know, when my parents told me that they are separating, I was incredibly angry at Dad. A part of me never wanted to see him again. And I guess I didn’t want him to be happy without Mum. I sort of took that out on you when Dad told me about Jona and you. But at the same time…” “You want to stay with him?” “Sammy!” I admonished him again, but Rusty nodded. “You know what it’s like? Never wanting to see someone again and at the same time not wanting to let the go?” “Too well,” I whispered. “No matter what our bio parents did to us, we always wanted them to feel good. Thought that we just had to be better so they would love us and we could be a happy family. We needed some time to shed those thoughts.” “Then you know what I mean,” our quasi-stepbrother sighed. Then he suddenly became frantic. “But I don’t want to say that my experience is as terrible as yours. Please don’t get me wrong.” “Don’t worry,” I assured him. “For you it was probably just as bad. The family you know since birth no longer exists that way. And it will never be like that again. Not quite.” “Mhm…” Rusty’s short reply almost ended in a whimper. “All of that makes sense,” Sammy said. “But what does it have to do with what happened earlier? I mean, when your Dad changed you.?” “I was ashamed at first. And then… it all just burst out!” “What burst out?” “All the feelings inside me! As if a dam had broken. I didn’t say much that made sense, but I think Dad understood me. I didn’t have that feeling for so long.” “That was my impression as well,” I noted. “I mean, I noticed the end of it. You two were real close again, like before.” Rusty nodded. “Exactly. And I don’t want it to stop. So I’m thinking about asking Dad to treat me the way Jona treats you.” Okay, that was a huge change from the distant and even somewhat hostile Rusty we had met just a few weeks ago. “But you don’t dare to ask?” Sammy asked. “It would be weird, wouldn’t it?” “But he also told you you can always join what we’re doing,” I reminded him. “Sure, but that doesn’t mean he’ll always want to care for me that. It was always a side thing so far. And I don’t even know what it means to be like you.” “Rusty…” I began and looked him in the eyes. “I think every parents wishes for another day with their child as a baby or toddler or primary schooler from time to time. Papa always says so, anyway. And if your Dad is in any way like ours, he’ll think the same.” “Especially if he missed so much of you lately,” Sammy added. “And as for what it means to be like us… I think we can help you with that.” Back at home we quickly retreated to Sammy’s room – as a precaution I closed the door. If something was up, Papa would knock, and I assumed Thomas would do the same. “So, you’d like to be like us, but you don’t know exactly what that means,” Sammy summarized our previous conversation. Rusty didn’t want to go into more detail outside, so we had decided to continue here. Or rather, Sammy had suggested as such, and we had followed. It did make me a little proud to see that Sammy could competently take charge and responsibility if needed. And since there was no emergency, I could sit back and keep my myself in the background. “So to speak. I mean, sure, you wear diapers and the like, as I’m doing right now, but for you it’s more than just that. You’re not always little when you wear them, as in, you don’t act the part. Even when Luka had his compensation phase, he didn’t just do baby stuff.” “Right,” I explained. “I mean, what does a baby do? Eat, cry, sleep, poop. In any order. That would be pretty boring for us. But at one year, you’re already not a baby anymore. And then things open up.” “And that’s where you confuse me. How old are you when you’re little?” “We don’t stick to a number,” Sammy explained. “Sometimes I want to do a lot myself, then I’ll wear diapers and perhaps even appropriate clothes, but might leave my pacifier in bed or in my pockets. And sometimes I just need some more attention and care, and then I might run around with a plushy and ask for help a lot.” “Usually I’m in the former area,” I said. “But sometimes I try to do to much and don’t notice I’m overwhelmed until it’s too late. That’s when Papa established his right to order the compensation phases for me.” “But otherwise it’s your call?” Rusty asked. “Exactly.” “But we did make a few rules with Papa. Not to forbid us from doing anything, but so all three of us know what we need from each other.” Sammy took his tablet and opened a text file. Shortly after a colorful headline saying “Sammy’s rules” appeared. “Let me copy that real quick,” he said and entered a few commands. I myself preferred to do such things on the PC, but Sammy was far more flexible in this regard, at least compared to me. Shortly afterwards he changed the headline to “Rusty’s rules”. “Let’s take this step by step and see what works for you, alright?” Rusty nodded. “Diapers may be worn at home and on trips, but not if uninitiated friends are present. During holidays you wear around the clock, unless friends visit us or you visit them,” Sammy read out. “Sounds alright,” Rusty said. “But you have to wear during the holidays? No ifs, no buts?” “We don’t follow it slavishly,” I explained. “If we’re not in the mood, Papa won’t force anything. Although that’s pretty much never the case for Sammy.” “That works for me. We can change it for you.” Sammy highlighted the text and rewrote it. “Diapers may be worn at Luka and Sammy’s, on trips and at Mum or Dad’s house, but not if uninitiated friends are present. During the holidays you wear around the clock, unless friends are present or you’re visiting them.” “Can you remove Mum?” Rusty asked. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “You’re the boss.” Sammy quickly adjusted the text. “That alright?” “Sounds good. What’s next?” “If you’re wearing diapers, you always need to have a pacifier with you. At home and in the car you can choose whether it’s in your mouth, hand, on the chain or in your pocket. Outside it stays in your pocket.” “That’s fine.” “If we’re outside, you take Papa’s hand.” “Sounds harmless.” “When you wear diapers, you’ve got to use them. If you need to be changed, you ask Papa or Luka. If the two aren’t there or don’t have time for you, you can clean up and change yourself.” “Even #2s?” Rusty asked. Sammy confirmed it. “I don’t know if I want to demand that of Dad. Or if I want to do that.” “Give me a sec… When you wear diapers, you use them for #1s. As for #2s, you ask Dad beforehand.” “I think that’s alright.” “Your regular bedtime on school nights is 8:30 pm. You can stay up longer on weekends and during the holidays. But you go to bed when Papa tells you to or tucks you in. Papa decides about any exceptions.” “Can you change that to 9pm?” “Sure, that’s actually outdated for me as well.” “Papa also tends to make exceptions if Sammy took a nap in the afternoon,” I added. “While we’re on the topic of naps: If you want you can take a nap after school. You still need to do your homework. If Papa tells you to take a nap, you take one.” “I don’t need naps!” Rusty protested. “That’s up for your Dad to decide,” Sammy giggled. “That would be the important stuff.” “I’ve got something similar, but with special rules for the compensation phases,” I explained. “I might show you later.” “Is that all?” “It’s all we really need. Really just a few guidelines we occasionally update.” “Yeah, but…” “What?” “And if you don’t follow them?” “That doesn’t really happen. And when it does, Papa tends to assume that something’s wrong.” “You want your Dad to punish you if you don’t follow the rules?” Sammy asked. “I guess… makes no sense for me to have rules that I can break with impunity. And I don’t want to back out the moment something I don’t like something.” “I see… bro, would you pass me the tablet?” Sammy did as I asked. With some effort I typed a new column. “If you do not follow these rules, Dad may punish you for it.” “But how?” Sammy asked. “I guess we should ask him? I think this is above our paygrade.” At that very moment, someone knocked at the door. For a moment I, and probably Rusty as well, wondered if one of our dads had eavesdropped. But why would they do that? “Come in!” Sammy yelled. Shortly afterwards, the unwitting cause of our shock turned out to be our Papa. “Lunch is almost ready.” “Alright, we’re coming!” Lunch itself went largely without incident. But it did not go unnoticed by our dads that Rusty was anxious. After we had finished our last servings, Thomas decided to check on him. “Are you alright, Russ?” “Yes.” “Are you sure? Should we go somewhere else for a moment?” “Yes. I mean, no! It’s just…” “What is it?” “You said earlier that I can be little with Luka and Sammy when we’re here.” “Right. And I meant that.” “I know, but… can you treat me like that as well?” Thomas didn’t answer at first. “If not, that’s okay! Just forget about it!” Rusty frantically backpedaled, but Thomas shook his head. “If you want, we can do that. But I don’t know if I can it like Jona does.” “Papa can help you for sure,” Sammy exclaimed. “And we put some thought into it already.” He passed the tablet with the rules we had devised over to Thomas. “That looks familiar,” Papa commented. “Do you mind if I take a look as well?” Rusty shook his head. Thomas quickly skimmed through our work. “Basically that’s Sammy’s programme,” Papa noted. “We should probably note the 9 pm bedtime for you as well, now that you’re going to secondary school.” “Sounds pretty reasonable overall,” Thomas said. “But you want to leave out Mum?” “For now. I don’t want things to get weird.” “I see. If Luka and Sammy are nice enough to loan us a few diapers and an outfit or two, we can continue this treatment at home. And you want me to set some consequences if you break these rules?” Rusty nodded. “But we didn’t know what kind.” “That’s tough. Your Mum and I made a point to raise you without violence from the very beginning. We’re not changing that, even if some might enjoy that. But you don’t usually set that many consequences with very small children since they can’t overlook long stretches of time yet. And the usual consequences… I’m not sure if those fit…” Thomas thought for a moment. “How about this? If you break these rules, I can confiscate your phone and/or your Switch. And if you really misbehave, you may not play with Luka and Sammy for a bit. A time-out, so to speak.” He turned to us. “You’ll need to accept that as well if it happens.” Sammy nodded. “Can do,” I confirmed. “Is that alright with you, Russ?” “Yes, Dad.” “Alright. Then those will be the rules for the rest of the holidays, and we’ll see where this goes.” With that, it was decided. Whether he had done it consciously or not, by not asking for further confirmation through his son, Rusty had not been given the chance to back out. “There is one more thing,” Papa added. “If the two of us should treat the three of you like that now, I’d like to be on the same page. If you two see no good reason against it, Thomas’ word now applies to you as much as mine.” “Agreed!” Sammy quickly yelled. I too could find no reason not to accept this, so I nodded. “I wouldn’t ask this of you, yet,” Papa said, turning to Rusty. “We talked about this at breakfast earlier, after all. “But it should be a long-term goal,” Thomas interjected. “I’ll hold back regarding you two, and the same makes sense the other way around for the time being. But overall, son, whatever Jona says applies to you as well, at least when we’re here. No “you’re not my Dad” and the like.” “Alright, Dad.” “So!” Papa said and put his hand in the middle of the table. “Everyone on board?” Sammy put his hand on top of Papa’s right away, followed by Thomas. I glanced over to Rusty – I was on board, of course, but I didn’t want him to feel coerced. “Alright,” he said, placing his hand on the others. “Then welcome to the family, little brother,” I concluded with a grin. “You just watch,” Rusty grinned back. “Remember, 90:10!” Sammy yelled. “We’ll see about that.” “Am I being split up?” I asked. “Yep.” “You can sort that out amongst yourselves,” Papa said, laughing. “And I don’t get a say?” “I don’t think big brothers get a say,” Thomas added. “And now off you go!” And so it happened that one Papa and two boys became two Papas and three boys. Of course our story doesn’t end here. On the contrary, it’s only getting started for us. But for now I need a bit of a break. After all, I now have two brothers I need to take care of. And that wraps up the first volume! I plan on posting a sample (the current draft of the first chapter) from volume II in a few days, though. Until it is fully completed, however, chapters beyond that will be in early-access on Patreon and Kofi. You'll also find german and english versions of volume I in a handy PDF. If you've read all the way to this point, I'd appreciate if you'd take a look. - LittleLion

Chapter 14 - Two and three half men As I woke up the next morning, I quickly noticed that I was not the first. With some effort I could make out Rusty’s silhouette sitting upright. “Sorry, didn’t want to wake you,” he whispered when he noticed me moving about. “You didn’t,” I replied. “Sleep well?” Rusty nodded. “But my back…” “Oh, were you in a bad position?” “No… that happens sometimes if I hold in too long.” “You think the diaper won’t take it?” “No, that’s not it…” “But you don’t want to?” “I can’t. I gotta go, but I can’t.” Ah. Now we were getting somewhere. “Try to go on your knees. It’s really more difficult while sitting.” Rusty did as I suggested – after a short while he closed his eyes. “Is it working?” Rusty nodded. Shortly afterwards he resumed his previous position, but I myself carefully got into an upright position. “How was your night?” I asked. “Slept like a baby. In every sense of the word.” “Well, you usually say that when you slept well.” “Then I guess I did. But I don’t know if I need to have this every time from now on.” “You don’t have to. You can sleep in the crib whenever you want. With or without us. And if you don’t want to, that’s OK. There’s no obligation here.” “Thanks, Luka.” Rusty glanced to the window, where the first rays of light sparsely illuminated the room through the closed blinds. Now, during the summer, the sun of course rose early, but overall I made a point of making sure that at least sunlight could enter the room. Without that or a clock I’d lose my sense of time. “Did you ever want to stop?” my neighbor suddenly asked. “With what?” “With this.” “No… not really. I was less interested at times, but it was never truly gone, and I never really wanted it to go.” “Never? Not even as you got older?” “I was a little uncertain at times,” I admitted. “But Papa always helped me through that, from the very beginning. The first time was seven years ago…” It had been my last day of Kindergarten – we’d had our summer festival in the afternoon, space-themed, and now I was on my way to Papa’s car, school cone in my arm, flanked by Papa and Sammy. “Take a good look,” Papa said. “Soon you’ll be going to school.” “But you can always visit me in Kindergarten,” Sammy added. I nodded, but actually, my thoughts were somewhere else entirely. That did not go unnoticed by Papa, but he waited until we were home before asking me about it. “Are you alright, big guy? Nervous about school?” I shook my head. “Do you want to tell me?” “Yes, but…” The words got stuck in my throat. Papa patiently waited while Sammy took my hand and enclosed it with his own. “How can I go to school if I’m still wearing diapers at home and have a pacifier like a baby?” I forced out after a short time, getting closer to tears as I spoke. “We should really talk about that,” Papa said. “Do we need to stop?” Sammy asked, worried. We had made great progress over the last year, but it felt like all single wave or gust of wind would ruin it all. “Of course you may continue. But Luka is right, with him about to go to school, we should perhaps lay out a few rules.” “What rules?” Sammy asked. Papa took a deep breath. “Boys, what the three of us do in our home is nobody else’s concern. Here you can be as little or big as you like. But school has different rules. And wearing diapers there may not be forbidden, some kids have no choice, after all. But as much as I hate to say it, if it turns out you’re still wearing, not to mention the other stuff, many will laugh at you.” “Whoever laughs at Sammy gets their teeth kicked in!” I yelled, angered by the idea of someone making fun of my brother like that. “You will not!” Papa said calmly, but leaving no room for negotiation. “We talked about that. What do you if someone picks on you?” “Tell an adult.” “And if someone hits you?” “Tell an adult.” “And if someone holds you or you otherwise can’t get help?” “Then I can fight back, but only so much so I can run away and get help.” Papa smiled. “Right. I believe in you to remember that when the time comes. But we don’t want things to get that far in the first place. That’s why you won’t ever wear diapers to school.” “I didn’t wear them in Kindergarten, anyway.” “Right, so no big change here. But without wanting to get to far ahead of ourselves, that will also apply to Sammy when it’s time for him to go to school.” He turned to Sammy. “But that won’t be until a few years from now. By then you too will be far ahead of were you are now.” Sammy nodded. “And here?” I asked. “When you come home from school, it’s your call. If you want, you can diaper yourself, get your pacifier or even take a nap. But you don’t have to. But I don’t want you to overburden yourself, either. In the evening it will still be my decision whether or not you wear diapers to bed. Alright? “Yes, Papa.” “I’ll be a big boy, too!” Sammy suddenly announced. “When Kindergarten starts again, I’ll go without diapers and without my paci!” “Take it slow, little guy,” Papa said. “Those are two big steps for you, and remember, when you go to Kindergarten again, Luka won’t be there anymore.” “I can do it, Papa. Really!” “That would be great. But those are really two major steps at once. How about this: No diaper, but you take your paci with you and can have it for naptime?” “Yes, we’ll do that!” “Great. But for now you’ve got holidays. And to be honest, I’ve gotten used to you being my big little boys. That’s why I thought of something.” Papa took his phone and showed us a picture. “That looks like a crib,” Sammy said. “But it’s big. All three of us could fit in there,” I added. “That’s the plan,” Papa explained. “It’s actually a nursing bed, but it would fit you perfectly. And should I tell you something?” “What?” my brother and I asked at once. “It’s already ours. It will be delivered in a few days.” “But where do you want to put it?” I asked and looked around. “Now herecomes the fun part. This bed is only the beginning. I want to build a special room for you that nobody else may go into. And that room will be your little time machine, for days when everything gets to much and you just can’t be big boys anymore. And once you’re ready for it, you’d practically have three rooms. Your own two and this one to share.” “But…” I asked. “What?” “That will have to go away someday, right?” “No, Luka. This room can stay until you both no longer need it. And if you need it forever, it will stay forever. That’s a promise.” “And a promise must not be broken!” Sammy added. “Exactly. So, does that sound like a plan?” Sammy and I glanced at each other, then nodded like mad. “Good, because we have to prepare the room until the bed arrives. I’ve thought of something really special for the ceiling...” “And this room exists since then?” Rusty asked. I nodded. “In retrospect, it’s hard to believe that we managed without it for most of the first year.” “You are a really great narrator, bro,” Sammy yawned, now having woken up as well. “You should make audiobooks.” “We’ve done that before.” “Huh?” Rusty looked at me, confused. “We’ve made some custom Tonies a few times as presents.” “Ah.” At this point, the room’s door suddenly opened and Papa stuck his head in. “Hey boys! It’s time for breakfast!” It was an odd sight: Papa and Thomas in their normal pyjamas, with me, Sammy and Rusty sitting between them, still dressed in our onesies with their visible bulges. The morning was overall dominated by ravenous silence, although I couldn’t fault Rusty for that. It had to be strange, sitting next to your father like that when you were used to being a big, independent boy. Even I had struggled with that shift, given that I had officially been a preschooler by the time we moved to Jona and Simon, before the call was made to delay my schooling by a year. Sammy on the other hand was completely free of any shame regarding this, since he never knew anything else. “Did the three of you sleep well?” Thomas eventually asked. We nodded, as did Rusty after brief hesitation. “Yeah, but we definitely need a bigger bed if any more people join us,” Sammy giggled. “No way,” Papa said, laughing. “The bed is already massive. But I’m glad you’re including Rusty like that. The room has been our big secret this whole time, after all.” Sure, but the two of you are now part of the family,” my brother said, glancing at the newcomers. “Whether you like it or not,” he added with a grin. “That’s sweet,” Thomas replied, but Rusty seemed a little hesitant. “Are you alright, Rusty,” I asked. “I hope it’s not too much for you.” “No, that’s not it,” he replied quietly. “It’s just…” “What?” “You’re so nice to me. But family… I’m a little scared.” “Of what?” Sammy asked, concerned. Rusty hesitated for a bit. “Speak your mind, Russ,” Thomas whispered to his son. “Well, I guess I can live with a patchwork-family or however you call it. But to be honest, one thought still scares me a little.” “What is it?” Papa asked. “That… that you two call my Dad Papa as well.” Ouf. Well, that was understandable. “But I also know that you only had Jona this whole time. I still have my Mum, even if she and Dad no longer live together.” “And now you feel like you have to share me even though you don’t want to?” Thomas asked. Rusty nodded. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” Sammy explained. “To be honest, ever since Thomas visited for the first time. I don’t know if we’re quite there yet. Believe me, I’d like it. But then I wondered what I’d think if you call my Papa that as well. By now I’d say I wouldn’t mind. But that doesn’t mean you have to like it in return.” I was amazed by how eloquently my little bro could express himself at times. I have to admit, I was a little proud. “That aside, it might be a bit confusing if we call out to Papa and two people feel adressed,” I added. “Tragically, we didn’t have to figure that out back then.” Papa put a hand on my shoulder and glanced at me knowingly. “We don’t have to reach a conclusion here and now. But maybe a nickname could work. The way nobody really calls Rusty Russell. And Rusty’s right, he still has both parents. I don’t fit in there as neatly as Thomas fits in with the three of us. But I’m not too worried about that. I don’t mind if I’m just Jona to you. I think my parents picked that name nicely.” Rusty smiled. “Thanks, Jona.” “One thing still nags me,” Thomas now added. “To be honest, that room-thing still throws a wrench into my gears. Not because I mind, on the contrary, I think it’s super interesting. But when you’re in that role, I never know what to do with myself. I don’t want to overstep, but if I’m here more often, I’d like to be involved. So I have to ask, and please don’t feel compelled to say yes: Can I take over changing duty sometime?” OK, I had not expected that. “You’ve seen us in the nude anyway,” Sammy said. “So as far as I’m concerned, sure!” “Same with me,” I immediately added. “Should we do it right now, then? If I’m not mistaken, you’re quite wet by now.” We nodded. Shortly afterwards we were at the changing table again – Sammy had already placed himself on it and was waiting more or less patiently. Rusty and watched curiously as my brother was changed. “You’re doing quite well,” he noted. “You think?” Thomas asked. “I’m a little out of practice.” “You can practice on me anytime.” “I’ll get back to you.” When my brother was finished, Thomas lifted him off the changing table and ruffled his hair. Then it was my turn. I stepped towards the changing table, but I had barely turned to face Thomas when he had already picked me up and lifted me onto it. “I’m sorry,” he quickly said. “That was a little hasty. Was that alright for you? I don’t even know if that’s a trigger.” “It’s alright,” I said and leaned back. Shortly afterwards I too was freshly diapered. “Russ?” Thomas asked. His son hesitantly stepped forward and buried his face in his father’s shirt. “Come on, let’s give the two some space,” I said and led Sammy out of the room. “I need to get dressed anyway,” he said and disappeared into his own room. The idea was sound, so I did the same. But I was still curious – so after putting on a shirt and new trousers, I returned to the door. I heard a diaper being taped shut and dared to glance into the room. At that moment, Thomas picked up Rusty and sat down on the edge of the crib, Rusty’s back facing towards me. “You don’t need to be ashamed, Russ,” I heard Thomas whisper. “If you want, Luka and Sammy can dress you like that whenever you’re here. You don’t have to ask me, you need no excuses and no justification. You know why?” Rusty shook his head. “”Because I love you unconditionally, Russ. I’ll always support you, no matter what you choose to do. Especially something so harmless. And you being willing to do such a thing makes you a great stepbrother for the two. I’m proud of you.” I could see Rusty hugging his father even more tightly. But now it was really time to step the more or less discrete eavesdropping. I slowly stepped into the door frame and quietly knocked. “Rusty? When you’re here, you can always help yourself to the contents of the drawers and the changing table. Just ask us if you see things that obviously belong to one of us to be on the safe side. Okay?” "Okay," Rusty whispered. “Thanks, Luka,” Thomas added. “We’ll be coming out soon. We’ll cuddle a little longer and then I’ll dress up Russ so he’s presentable in case you want to go outside or anything.” I nodded and left the two behind in the room. If I wasn’t completely off, the two hadn’t been that close in a long time.

Chapter 13 - Trio, Part 2 Sammy practically charged through the corridor to follow Rusty, almost colliding with a confused Jona in the process. “Sammy, what ha…” “I’ll handle it, you just take of of Luka before he has a mental breakdown. Is Rusty outside?” “Yes, he just went out the door. But what actually happened?” “Later, take care of Luka first, okay?” Jona was about to ask another question, but then decided against it. “Alright big guy. Good luck with whatever you’re up to.” With those words Jona headed over to the room, while Sammy headed outside through the front door. “Rusty?” he yelled, but go no response at first. One short search later he found the other boy sitting in the canopy swing. “Hey… can I sit with you?” “Does it matter?” Rusty growled. “Not like you care about boundaries anyway.” “If you say no, I’ll leave you alone, I promise.” “Good to know. Then come over.” Sammy sat down next to Rusty, who refused to look at him directly thus far, with a little distance between the two. “I’m sorry,” Sammy whispered. “That’s my problem. Luka tries to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, and I can’t hold myself back. But I really just want everyone to get along.” “I’m no better,” Rusty replied. “I stole the diaper earlier. And the best part is, a part of my still can’t help but see you and Luka as perverted freaks. On the other hand…” Rusty trailed off. “Yes?” “Well, I’ve got no siblings, but age-wise I’m right between you two. And I guess I’m… curious?… what it would be like, to be your big and Luka’s little brother. Does that make sense?” “Yes, sure.” “But on the other hand I don’t know what it means to be someone’s big brother. Or little brother for that matter.” “Then find out with us.” “Luka said something along those lines already. Like, that he wants to take care of me the way he does with you. But I don’t want to get between you two.” “I can share Papa with Luka, so I can share Luka with you as well,” Sammy giggled. “Is 90:10 alright with you?” “Jerk,” Rusty replied, but by now he couldn’t keep himself from smiling anymore. “That’s not the first time, is it?” Sammy asked. “What?” “The diaper. It’s not your first, right?” “No,” Rusty admitted with a sigh. “I was curious and asked Luka about it and then one thing led to the next. He showed me two diapers, put one on me and then left the other in my room. I wore that one to the musical and it leaked on the ferry.” “That’s why you had the jacket!” Sammy exclaimed. “Exactly. But that was such a rush of pure adrenaline. And since then I keep thinking about wearing in secret. But of course that doesn’t work if everyone knows, so I asked Luka to keep it to himself. And it appears like he has.” “Of course my brother is reliable. Would’ve raised him poorly if he wasn’t.” Rusty raised an eyebrow. “You? Raise Luka?” “Sure! Don’t you know that it’s the little brothers who raise their big bros?” “You’re kidding me.” “Maybe…” Sammy thought for a moment before beginning another response. “Is it just the diapers that interest you? Or the rest, too?” “I don’t know. Somehow, yeah, but my head is practically screaming at me to resist.” “Don’t listen to your head, listen to your gut.” “I can’t just do that.” “Then I’ll teach you.” “You say it like it’s that simple.” “It is. Just try it and then be honest. You’ll definitely end up knowing more than you did before.” “I’ve got nothing of my own.” “But we have enough. I’m sure some of our clothes will fit you, and we have unused pacifiers as well if you’re interested. Whatever you want , it’s possible.” Rusty looked at Sammy for a while – it was obvious how torn he was, but Sammy knew better than to keep pushing this time. “Come one,” Rusty said. “Let’s go eat dinner first, if it hasn’t gone cold already. We can keep talking inside afterwards.” Only about 20 minutes had passed, but that time felt like a bomb had been dropped. Papa had put dinner on hold after he had retrieved me from the room and learnt the gist of what had happened from me. Now Papa, Thomas and I were sitting at the dining table, waiting for Sammy and Rusty to come back. Eventually they silently walked through the door all of a sudden and hesitantly sat down at the table. “Am I in trouble?” Rusty asked, clearly ashamed. “Why?” Thomas asked. “Because…” Rusty began, but his father interrupted him. “Rusty, I’m very proud of you. I know it’s hard for you, but you apparently put in way more effort than I ever could’ve asked of you.” “Then why isn’t it helping me?!” our semi-stepbrother yelled, his voice starting to shake. Were those tears in his eyes? “I don’t know what to think anymore!” he continued. “I don’t even know if I’d rather live with mum or with you. And about this…” Rusty got up and pulled at his pants, now clearly revealing the diaper he was wearing. “…I still don’t know if this really interests me or if I’m just curious. And if it really interests me, I still don’t know…” Rusty trailed off for a moment and took a couple of deep breaths. “… then I still don’t know if I’d want you to change me, dad.” By now, Rusty was clearly about to burst into tears, which didn’t go unnoticed by his father. Thomas held out his arms and Rusty practically dropped into his lap, where he silently began to sob. Thomas gently stroked Rusty’s back and patiently waited for his son to calm down a little. “Rusty…” he whispered. “That’s really not a small amount of things you need to figure out for yourself. But the good thing is, you’ve got time to do it. You don’t have to figure any of this out right away. And it’s more important to me to raise you to be an open-minded and tolerant young man someday than one who desperately tries to be normal. About our living situation, we are pretty flexible, the only real constant is your school. And if you can’t choose, there’s no reason you can’t have two separate rooms for yourself, once I have a new flat where you can have your own room.” “If I may say something about that…” Papa intervened. “Few things in life fit neatly into boxes. Your dad fit perfectly into the “hetero-man-with-child”-box while he was happily married to your mum. Now that no longer works – but when we leave a box, we don’t have to jump straight into the next one. That never worked for me, it never worked for Luka, nor for Sammy, and I don’t think it will work for you, either.” Rusty nodded silently. “I’ll go get dinner,” Papa said and briefly disappeared into the kitchen. Two minutes later the table was set with our dinner, which didn’t look like it had suffered too much from being kept warm for almost half an hour. “Can… can I stay on your lap?” I heard Rusty whisper. Thomas whispered a response and the two shifted around on their chair so both could reach their plates. After a few akward attempts to eat in parallel, Thomas whispered something else to Rusty. Rusty responsed with a nod and shortly afterward, Thomas began to alternate between eating for himself and feeding Rusty. Sammy thankfully held off on saying something about it, but I couldn’t have blamed him, because it was a sweet sight. Still, I couldn’t let myself be distracted too much, because Papa was doing with me what Thomas was doing with Rusty, except I was not on Papa’s lap.” “This might be a really dumb idea, but I think it’s so nice right now,” Sammy began. “If Rusty wants, the three of us could sleep in the crib tonight. There’s enough space, the three of us fit as well,” he explained, gesturing to Papa and myself. He wasn’t wrong, the crib had intentionally been measured so the three of us could cuddle in there together, even as Sammy and I grew taller. “And I was serious about my offer earlier, Rusty. I could dress you up for the evening and then perhaps we could watch a movie before we go to bed?” He glanced to Papa, who would of course have to give his blessing. “If you both want to, there is no reason you can’t stay overnight,” Papa agreed. Rusty glanced at Thomas uncertainly. “Dad?” he whispered. “It’s your call, Russ,” Thomas replied. “Do you trust me?” Sammy asked. Rusty nodded. “Then don’t think about it too much.” Sammy held out his hand. Rusty thought for another moment, then he carefully left his father’s lap and took it. “You won’t regret it,” Sammy assured him and led our semi-stepbrother into the room. “Sammy does overdo it at times, but I think right now, he knows what he’s doing,” Papa determined. “In the meantime, we could decide on a movie that fits the mood.” “I hope I didn’t push too much there,” Sammy said as he entered the room with Rusty in tow. “I won’t be mad if you back out.” “It’s alright,” Rusty whispered and cleared his throat. “I’m committed. If I don’t like it, I have one less thing to figure out.” “And if you like it, we’ll figure out where we take this together, alright?” “Deal.” “Great. Now I’d love to put you in a nice footed sleeper, but that’s more something for the colder seasons. I can warmly recommend it during those times, though – literally.” “You’re the boss,” Rusty said. “Just do me a favor and don’t dress me in pink, right?” “Don’t worry, that’s just an inside joke between Luka and me,” Sammy assured the new diaper boy. “You could start by taking your clothes off, though. Now, what would suit you…” Sammy’s gaze wandered over all the drawers and shelves. “I think I’ve got it,” he said and turned towards Rusty, who was now looking at him a little desperately. He had followed Sammy’s instruction already, revealing the state of his diaper. “I… I mean…” “That’s a part of it,” Sammy assured him again. “Come over to the changing table.” “But… I also did #2…” “Leave it to me.” Rusty hesitantly followed that instruction as well. Sammy opened the diaper and immediately began cleaning up – he was less experienced with cleaning up messes, but he wouldn’t be deterred by it. He briefly considered applying some cream, but decided against it this time. Then Sammy picked out suitable padding for the night. “I’ll add a booster to it,” he explained. “Then it’ll definitely last until tomorrow morning, as long as you don’t go #2 again.” “I don’t think I’ll have to today,” Rusty whispered. “Alright, and as long as you don’t drink like a camel and pee like a horse, you won’t be able to get this diaper to leak,” Sammy explained as he closed the tapes. On his mark Rusty climbed down from the changing table. “So first of all we got this onesie,” Sammy continued and pulled an orange-red-striped onesie from a drawer. After a few hand movements and some help from Rusty later he was already dressed in it. “And for the evening I’d say we’ll put this on you as well,” Sammy elaborated and grabbed a blue shortall. Not even two minutes later, Rusty’s new outfit was almost complete. “Looking sharp. You’re almost finished.” Sammy opened another drawer, but Rusty couldn’t see what he was doing at first. Then Sammy came back with a chain from a which an orange pacifier was dangling. Rusty supressed the urge to escape, but Sammy just clipped the chain onto the shortall and stuffed the rest including the pacifier into the chest-pouch. “That one’s only if you want it. Come over to the mirror for a moment.” Rusty silently followed. Sammy stepped aside, clearing the way for Rusty to gaze in the mirror. Calling the image that was looking back at him strange would’ve been an understatement for Rusty – he did see himself, but so completely different than usual. Not just because of the unusual clothes, he looked – and felt – like a little boy. A part of him wanted to leap into the nearest sandbox right then and there. “What do you think? Are you presentable like that?” Rusty nodded. “Then let’s see what the others have picked out for movie night.” About a quarter of an hour later my brother returned with a newly dressed Rusty in tow. The three of us had already agreed not to comment Rusty’s new outfit under any circumstances, but Thomas was already waving his son over to himself. And if you ask me, my brother had just proven that he could give Guido Maria Kretschmer a run for his money. “So, what are we watching?” Sammy asked. “We thought Guardians of the Galaxy would fit quite nicely today,” Papa explained. Sammy nodded and promptly claimed the middle of the couch. Rusty and Thomas snuggled up on one side, Papa and I on the other. We had of course grabbed Snacks, too. Just two hours later the credits began to run across the screen. “I just realized something,” Sammy said. “What?” Papa asked. “They say friends are the family you choose. But that’s not actually true, at least not quite.” “What do you mean?” “You can choose your family. Like, you can’t choose who you are related to, but you can choose if you want to have anything to do with them.” “I wouldn’t say it’s quite that easy, but you’re not entirely wrong,” Thomas admitted. “Many people have relatives they only tolerate because of their relation.” “Right, but you don’t have to.” “Well, things get complicated in many families when people start fighting amongs themselves,” Papa noted. “But on a larger gathering you can avoid each other,” I added. “Worst case everyone avoids each other,” Papa concluded. “But wouldn’t it be better that way? Like, say, giving the racist uncle a piece of your mind and perhaps never having to see him and those who agree with him again, instead of sitting there every time and having to hear it?” I explained. “Maybe,” Thomas said. “Not necessarily easier, but perhaps better in the long run. I think you’ve got an overall healthy stance, there.” “I only know one thing,” my brother announced. “I know who I want in my family. Four of them are in this room right now, and I only share my blood with one of them.” “Aww, I love you, too, brother dear.” “But now it’s time for the three of you to hit the sheets,” Papa explained. We didn’t object to that, the evening had been much more eventful and exciting than we had anticipated just a few hours ago. One tooth-brushing-conga-line later we met up in the room, where we still had to determine how to best use the space inside the crib. “I’d say Rusty goes in last – then you have the easiest way out if it ends up being too much for you,” I suggested. Rusty nodded. “I’ll take off the shortall real quick, else I think it’ll be too warm.” “I’ll go in first, then,” Sammy exclaimed and quickly claimed the wall-end of the crib. Papa gave him his good-night-kiss already, then it was my turn before I got comfortable next to Sammy. Sammy quickly grabbed a pillow and snuggled up in my arm. Rusty followed and looked a little uncertain what to do. I took another pillow and placed it like Sammy had on the other side. “At the risk of both my arms having fallen off by tomorrow, feel free to join us.” Rusty silently lay down next to us, and so it happened that I was lying between my two brothers – a bio one and one that officially speaking wasn’t even my stepbrother, but was no less part of the family as far was I was concerned. “Good night, champ,” Thomas whispered to Rusty and kissed him on the cheek. “I think we’ll leave the baby monitor off tonight, right?” Papa asked. “It’s usually on, right?” Rusty asked. “Almost always.” “Then turn it on. “Are you sure?” Rusty nodded. “If it’s a part of the experience for the other two, I want to experience it, too.” “Thanks, Rusty,” Sammy whispered. “Then I wish the three of you sweet dreams,” Papa whispered, heading to the door with Thomas in tow and turning off the light. Sammy put my pacifier in my mouth and did the same for himself. A few minutes later I noticed Rusty also placing the pacifier that was now openly attached to his onesie in his mouth. Shortly afterwards, the two of us had fallen asleep under the painted sky on the ceiling. “You can access the camera through an app now, right?” Thomas asked. Jona nodded. “I usually only take a look before I go to bed myself, the baby monitor at Sammy’s bedside was much more relevant. But we can take a look.” Jona opened the app and a live-feed from the camera filled the display. “I never thought I’d see Rusty like that again,” Thomas commented, visibly touched. “He hasn’t looked so at peace in a long time.” “He’s proving himself very brave. He hasn’t made it easy for me, certainly not entirely unintentional, but he’s a great boy.” “Better than I deserve,” Thomas sighed. “Don’t say that.” “But what should I say? Jona, I…” Thomas gathered his thoughts for a moment. “Jona, the last few years… when I took the job in that new home, I had so much enthusiasm. I wanted to help create something great. When the first problems arose I worked so much more, hoping that things would improve soon. He paused for a moment. “My biggest mistake. I wasn’t there for Rusty when he had problems at his new school and he needed me. I wasn’t there for his mother when she needed me. And eventually I couldn’t be there for the kids at work the way I had wanted to. It wasn’t the only reason for the divorce, as much as I’d love to say that, but when it happened… only then I realized how much I had failed on all accounts. As a father, as a husband and in my job.” Thomas looked up. “And then you came.” “The feeling’s mutual,” Jona whispered and took Thomas’ hands. “You give back more than you know. You’re not Simon, but that’s a good thing. I thought I could never love someone like that again, but I was afraid, too – that someone new wouldn’t get along with Luka and Sammy. Or their quirks. Someone else might accuse me of abusing them in my own way. If you didn’t have your professional background, I might never have told you and I never would’ve let things get this far.” Thomas smiled. “Rusty and I haven’t been that close for a long time. I have a feeling that things will turn out alright the way they are now. I haven’t felt that way in a long time. Jona leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend. “I’m curious about what’s coming as well. But whatever it is, we’ll manage.”

Chapter 12 - Trio, Part 1 The next day passed pretty uneventfully. On the one hand I began to stabilize in my role, on the other I made use of the fact that I could still occupy myself with some big-boy stuff. Sammy would be coming back this afternoon, and Thomas and Rusty had announced themselves for another evening visit – as in, this time it was already known in advance that they’d come over. Sammy was practically bursting from excitement when he came home, but to Papa’s delight he had come just in time for my afternoon nap – from the looks of things, Sammy and Benny had spent the nights doing more than just sleeping, so he both accordingly excited and tired. He protested at first, but Papa simply twisted it into him watching over me, and Sammy did not pass up the opportunity – although he decided against a diaper or pacifier of his own. And so it happened that we both ended up in the playpen for the evening and played Smash against each other. Sammy was now in complete big-brother mode and, accordingly, did not hold back at all – I wouldn’t have, either, but Sammy had convinced Papa to make my put on my mittens, so I had to play like that. And it worked, somehow, but every move I messed up because of it was quickly exploited by Sammy – I definitely had to think of something for the future, lest this get out of hand. That would be the day if he ended up defeating me on the reg. “Hey you two!” Thomas suddenly yelled from the entrance corridor, Rusty in tow. Was it that late already. “Hey Thomas!” Sammy yelled back. “You’re early.” “Sure, why not?” “Rusty, are you coming over?” “Yes, in a minute, but I need to do my big boy business first.” “I know that problem,” Sammy giggled. “I need to be the big brother right now.” “You poor little big brother,” I mocked. “Too stressful?” “Don’t get cheeky, Luki, or I’ll get a string and gag you with that passi,” Sammy threatened playfully. “You think that’ll work?” I giggled. “I’m willing to try if you don’t start behaving yourself.” I crossed my arms, pretending to be insulted. Cheeky? Moi? Rusty returned a few minutes later and climbed into the playpen, like he had done two days prior. “That doesn’t exactly look fair,” he giggled when he noticed the conditions under which I had to compete against my brother. “Can’t have the little brother be better,” Sammy chuckled. “Really? Then pass it over, Luka.” I had a hunch about what Rusty was up to, so I passed the controller to him. “Let’s see if that applies to stepbrothers as well. After all, I’m older than you, too.” Sammy just giggled cheekily. “Challenge accepted.” For the next few minutes, Rusty and Sammy really used every trick they knew, but this time, Rusty won by a hair's breadth. Had he secretly practiced or was he just more aware of how Sammy played? “Aww man, always on the little ones,” Sammy pretended to sulk. “Exactly, always on the little ones,” I added, now being without a controller. “Little boys shouldn’t play too many video games anyway,” Sammy iggled. “Says the one who was the first at the PC when the holidays started.” “I think you are spilling too many details again, brother dear,” Sammy warned. “On the topic of spilling…” Rusty interrupted our banter. “Yes?” Rusty seemed a little ashamed, as if he didn’t dare continue. “Can I ask you something? “Sure,” Sammy replied before I even had the chance. I glanced over to Rusty, who looked to the floor again. I don’t want to be too curious, but how did it happen? With your nursery, I mean. And that you are still wearing diapers.” Sammy glanced over to me, then nodded – so I could tell the tale. “Well, about how Papa got the idea, you’ll have to ask him yourself. About the rest…” It had been another one of those nights. Sammy was still in diapers at night and he still regularly wet himself during the day. I was ahead on that front at least, since I had long been out of diapers. Dry nights were still the exception by far. Only a few weeks ago Jona had told us that he wanted to adopt us. My nightmares had changed since then, but still amounted to the same. I slowly got up, turned on the light and looked down at myself. My pyjamas were completely damp, as was my bed. Again. I glanced over to the other bed. At least Sammy seemed to have a better night than I did. I silently walked to Jona’s room and carefully woke him. “Jona?” I still struggled to call him Papa, as much as I wanted to. Jona slowly opened his eyes and blinked at me. “It happened again,” I said meekly. Jona nodded, got up and brought me to the bathroom, where he undressed me, cleaned me in the shower and dried me off. Without a word I followed him into our room, where he gave me new clothes and pulled off the bed sheets. While I got dressed again, he put the wet clothes in the laundry. “I’m sorry,” I whispered when Jona returned. He shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize,” he replied. “What’s wrong?” Sammy mumbled and slowly opened his eyes. “It’s alright, Sammy. Keep sleeping.” “Did you have a bad dream again?” he asked. I nodded. Sammy slowly got up and hugged me. And I began to feel ashamed. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I was the big brother. I was supposed to protect Sammy, not the other way around! “Everything will be alright, Luki,” he whispered. I stroked his head. He had such a big heart, it was a miracle that it even fit into his chest. “Do you want to stay with me the rest of the night?” Jona asked. I nodded and took Jona’s hand. Sammy did the same. In Jona’s bed, I snuggled up to him and Sammy to me. “Sweet dreams,” Jona whispered and turned off the light. “I love you both.” The next morning I found myself alone next to Sammy. But judging by the smell Jona was in the kitchen preparing breakfast. “Sammy,” I whispered. “Sammy, wake up.” My bro stretched his arms, then opened his eyes and looked at me sleepily. “Sleep well?” I asked. Sammy nodded. “You too?” “Yeah, I think so. Come on, Jona is making breakfast.” I took Sammy’s hand and walked him to the kitchen, where Jona was already at the stove, making pancakes. “Good morning you two. You can sit down already, I’m almost finished.” “You know, I’ve been thinking,” Jona said after we had finished our pancakes. “About what?” I asked. “Well, even if you are hopefully becoming my sons soon, your past won’t be undone. And I really want to help you so the nightmares stop. Or at least have them less. And for you, Luka, that your bed remains dry in the future. “I’m sorry, Jona. I’m trying my best, really!” “I know. And you’ll get all the time in the world. Both of you. But I can’t get up every night, either – we grown-ups need sleep, too. I wanted to avoid asking this of you, but I want you to wear diapers again during the night, like your brother.” I went red. I wasn’t a baby anymore! But at the same time, I wet the bed like one. “Before you say anything about that, please listen to me. Both of you. I’ve been thinking, and everyone keeps saying that lots of important stuff happens until you’re three years old, and if those go wrong, things get really difficult later. And then I wondered if you could be made little again.” “How do you mean?” Sammy asked. “The way I see it, you never got to be properly little. You were denied something really important, and I want to return it to you. I can’t make you younger, of course, but we can pretend.” “Pretend we’re babies?” I asked. “So to speak. You can just repeat that phase, and I can make up for not being able to be your dad during that time.” He took a short break. “I understand if you don’t want that. You’re both big boys already, after all. But if you want, I’ll treat you like little boys again. That means you wear diapers at home again, and we’ll figure out what else you’re comfortable with as we go.” “And how long?” I asked. “As long as you want. But I insist that wear them at night. I just can’t change your bed sheets every single night.” We wordlessly looked a Jona. It made sense somehow, but the big boy inside me resisted. I was already six, after all! I was supposed to go to school this year! “I’m sorry to overwhelm you like that. But I really just want you to feel better. And you know what?” “What?” “There are many adults that need diapers, too.” “Huh?” We looked at each other incredulously. “You know, some people are ill so they can never get potty-trained. Others had an accident and got hurt so they can no longer hold their pee. And astronauts often have to wear diapers, too – can’t put a toilet in a rocketship.” That made sense somehow. I glanced to my brother again, who was still looking to the ground, then suddenly looked back at Jona. “Jona?” he asked. “My diaper is wet.” “Oh, right, you’re still wearing yours. Come, I’ll get you changed.” Jona took Sammy and led him to our room. I followed them, lost in my own thoughts. I watched as Jona cleaned up Sammy. And then I noticed how Sammy was sucking his thumb and dreamily staring at the ceiling. What was that like? In the evening it was once again time for our shared bath. After Jona had dried us both off, he led us both to our room and diapered Sammy for the night. Then he lifted me onto the changing table and gently pushed back so I had to lay down on my back. And then I felt the soft innards of diaper touching my bum for the first time in years. Mere moments later it was closed. When I was back on the ground, I sheepishly looked down at myself and touched the diaper from all sides. “Does it feel good?” I wasn’t certain, but I nodded. I didn’t want to disappoint Jona. “If I can count on you to actually wear them, I’ll show you how you can put it on yourself in a few days. If that’s what you prefer. I nodded. After we had put on our pyjamas, he led us to our bed, where Sammy snuggled up to me. “I’ll watch over you, Luki,” he whispered. I smiled sheepishly, but he knew even back then that I couldn’t deny him anything. Jona read us a bedtime story – he had always done that – then kissed our foreheads and turned off the light. Reliable as always our two nightlights took over to illuminate the room. And as we snuggled up to each other, I started to get used to my new underwear. “You only had one room back then?” Rusty asked. “Yeah, we were still afraid of being separated,” I explained. “So we didn’t want separate rooms yet.” “And the nursery?” “That room was still occupied back then. That only came up after we both started accepting the new treatment.” “And it helped?” “Well, my bed was no longer wet every night. But I think it also helped build an attachment to Jona. And then the other issues slowly started to fade as well.” Rusty nodded. “I see.” And that’s how things slowly started. A few days later our cups on the breakfast table had been replaced by baby bottles. Sammy didn’t have a problem with that, but I barely dared to touch the thing. But I was thirsty, too, and I didn’t want to unsettle Sammy, so I took the bottle and started to drink. I felt so stupid doing it, but Jona just smiled at us. The next surprise came a few more evenings later, when Jona suddenly clipped to chains with pacifiers to our pyjamas before we went to get. Sammy looked at his with disbelief, then put it in his mouth. I can’t describe it, but somehow I could see his mind leaping through time and the anxiety leave his body. When he saw that I was still uncertain, he stepped over and stuck my pacifier in my mouth – I let him do it, I didn’t want to offend him after all. But it was strange, of course. What was I supposed to do with that dumb pacifier, I was way too big for that! After Jona had read us our bedtime story and left the room, I took the pacifier from my mouth. “Sammy?” “Mhm?” “Do you like all this?” “Mhm.” Sammy nodded, I could make out that much in the light of the two nightlights. I hesitantly placed my pacifier back in my mouth, but it was still difficult to accept it. “And then you got used to it?” “Well, I don’t know if I would’ve on my own. But Sammy helped me with that.” “Yep, you always needed to be forced to accept your luck,” Sammy giggled. I poked him in the side. “Nobody forces me.” “But you don’t give up the lead willingly, either.” “To you or to Papa?” “Yes!” “I heard my name, here I am,” Papa’s voice suddenly came from above – he had arrived at the end of the playpen by now. “Dinner’s almost ready. Luki, do you need a new diaper beforehand?” “Wait!” Sammy yelled and quickly opened my onesie. I could feel myself turning red again. “Jep, Luki needs a new one.” “Then come one.” “Can I?” Sammy begged. “Please, Papa!” If I could turn any redder, I just did. That wasn’t the first time Sammy wanted to change me or was even allowed to do so, but it was always difficult for me, even though it was completely dumb. “As you wish. Luka, are you going with Sammy real quick?” I nodded and surrendered to my fate. After we had cllimbed out of the playpen, Sammy took my hand and dragged me to the room – Rusty hesitantly shuffled after us and waited in the corridor. I quickly grabbed Akela from the crib, lay down on the changing table and held my wolf companion in front of my face while Sammy opened the onesie and diaper. Of course Sammy wasn’t strong enough to just lift me, so I helped him as much as I could. Luckily the diaper had only been wet and not full, else things would’ve become a little more complicated. But that way, Sammy could quickly clean and rediaper me. “Done!” he said as he closed the diaper. I carefully took Akela from my face and immediately saw Rusty, who had dared to take a few steps into the room – I wouldn’t accuse him of voyeurism. On the contrary, I couldn’t fault him for being curious. “Oh wow,” he said while I was climbing down from the changing table. “I didn’t think you’d actually do that. Sammy and I glanced at each other, but then Rusty started to grin. “I guess you’re next then, Sammy,” he noted and gestured to the now vacant changing table.” Hold on, was that really happening?” “Wait, you want to…” Sammy asked. Rusty grinned. “Else you’ll wet yourself.” “Alright…” Sammy mumbled, opened his pants and seated himself on the changing table. I curiously watched Rusty as he, without hesitation, headed to the changing table, picked a new Crinklz for Sammy and began replacing my little brother’s underpants with it. Of course Sammy didn’t need to be cleaned up first, so that went considerably faster than it had with me. Once the diaper was in place, Rusty stepped back and allowed Sammy get down from the changing table, where he inspected his new padding and then pulled his pants back up. “Not bad at all,” Sammy giggled, giving an approving glance. “Who taught you to do that?” “It’s not that hard,” Rusty said, waving it off. “Well, then there’s only one missing for the diaper trio. Shall I or should Luka?” “Nah, I’ll pass,” Rusty mumbled and took a step back. “Oh come on, that’s hardly fair,” Sammy followed up and playfully patted Rusty’s bum before I could even think about intervening. Rusty immediately went red, but Sammy’s expression also changed from one second to the other. I needed a moment long to realize why. Before one of us could say anything, Rusty stormed out of the room without a word. “Rusty!” Sammy yelled after him. “I’ll go…” “NO!” my brother practically screamed into my face. “I messed this up, I’ll straighten it out again! And if it’s the last thing I do!” With those words he left me behind in the room.

Chapter 11 - No responsibilities After Papa had freed me of my diaper and did a preliminary cleaning, I sat down in the bathtub. Shortly afterwards, Papa joined me and took the opposite end. I should probably note that we have one of those square bathtubs – last time I had been in here with Sammy, but the three of us fit in here with no issue. If we didn’t hog too much space, it might even be enough for four people – but I think if Papa and Thomas were to take a bath together, Sammy and I would just be a bother. And I couldn’t imagine Rusty wanting to bathe with three or four other people. Of course, in our culture, it’s quite unusual for parents and children to bathe together once the child is old enough to safely bathe or shower on their own. But as you should’ve noticed by now, nothing is the usual in this household. Even if I wasn’t in a compensation phase right now, we wouldn’t let our birthdates decide what we could and couldn’t do together. Not to mention that other cultures are a bit more advanced in that regard. Japan for example – which had been a contender as a holiday destination a few times already. Maybe next year with Thomas and Rusty? Although I couldn’t imagine Rusty being comfortable in a japanese Onsen. Papa grabbed some of our bathtub toys – after some encouragment on his part I happily played coast guard. Another half hour later I was dry and freshly diapered – a onesie was layered on top, I wouldn’t need more than that with summer temperatures, and it was sufficient to be able to clip my pacifier to it. During the colder seasons Papa would put me in a sailor suit or a longer onesie, maybe even with mittens, but was definitely too warm for that right now. You might be wondering how often we do this. Papa usually insists on at least four compensation phases for me each year, one during each school holiday, although the phases in the shorter holidays are shortened accordingly. But if the need arises because something happened, we also use regular weekends. Sammy is a little different in this regard – he is pretty much always in a compensation phase, sometimes more, sometimes less. The only rule was that it could not interfere with school or his friends – not that Sammy wanted his friends to know, he didn’t even want to risk that with Benny. “Do you want to do some colouring?” Papa asked. I nodded and lay down on the room’s play mat – Papa brought me some crayons, a pad and some colouring pages. Google images was really a blessing, the stuff you could find there could get pretty much any child to at paint by the numbers. While Papa turned on the baby-cam, a Minecraft picture with five different Minecraft Steves caught my eye – a little later I had carefully coloured it and ran into the office. “Papa, look!” “Wow,” Papa said and looked at my piece of art. “Are those Sammy and Rusty?” he asked. I had apparently hit the mark on those two. “Yep, and that’s you, Thomas and me!” Papa smiled at me – as far as I was concerned, the two were already part of the family. “Can I send this to the two of them?” I nodded proudly. “Lap.” Papa gladly obliged – I probably wouldn’t play any video games myself, but watching Papa was enough for me. Even if it was difficult to see anything while I was on his lap. If I were to become too heavy for him, I could still take a chair next to him. At around half past one Papa ended up taking a break, for he had decided that it was time for my afternoon nap. He knelt down before me and prepared to pick me up. “Papa, I’m way too heavy for you!” “Not quite yet, Luki. Come here and enjoy while I can still carry you.” I hesitantly did as he asked, but Papa actually managed to life me up and carefully carried me into the room, where he placed me in the crib. “You still need to drink something,” he said and briefly headed into the kitchen, then returned with a bottle. I raised my head so he could sit down and I could rest my head on his legs, then he gave me the bottle. When I was halfway through, I returned it to Papa and he placed it in the corner between the mattress and the frame. Then I carefully got up, placed Akela in my arm and put the pacifier in my mouth. “Sweet dreams, my big little guy,” he whispered and kissed me on the cheek. I pulled Akela close to me and closed my eyes, protected by the gates of my crib-castle. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. At least until the evening arrived. We had already eaten dinner – well, actually, Papa had fed me – and then Papa had placed me in a playpen so I could watch some TV. So I was just watching an episode of Digimon when the doorbell chimed. Who was going to visit so late in the day? Had Sammy fought with Benny and was coming home early because of it? Papa opened the door and returned with Thomas and Rusty in tow shortly afterwards. My face immediately went hot – we usually didn’t have visitors during compensation phases for obvious reasons. Of course, the two already knew our secret, but was this really a good time? “Hello Luka!” Thomas called over. I waved at him, but even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t have answered. “We won’t bother you for long, I promise,” he added, then he followed Papa, probably into the office. Rusty stayed behind and didn’t seem to know what to do with himself. At the same time, I was uncertain whether or not I should ask him over. The question was answered for me, though, since Rusty suddenly came closed and climbed into the playpen. “Hey Luka,” he said. “Hey,” I whispered. What was I supposed to do? I was sitting there, still in my post-bathtub outfit, just with a few extra stains, and now all of a sudden, my supposedly younger quasi-stepbrother was sitting in front of me. We kept silent for a short while, then Rusty was the first to find a way to break the silence. “That’s Tamers, isn’t it?” he asked. “Huh?” “The Digimon season.” “Oh. Right. I appear to be one of the few who prefer Tamers over Adventure. But Guilmon is just way cooler than Agumon.” “Yeah, I don’t really get why everybody like Agumon so much, either. I mean, aside from him being a dino.” The silence returned, but this time it only stayed briefly. “Who would you want as a partner?” Rusty asked. “Good questions. There are so many Digimon to choose from.” “Well, I think Guilmon or Veemon would be really cool.” “Oh yes. Adventure 02 was a little wonky, but Veemon was definitely the right mix of adorable and cool. But that aside… Gabumon and Gomamon both had things going for them. Gaomon, too.” “Gaomon?” “From Savers.” “Ah, I hadn’t seen much of that one.” “Yeah, that was different in terms of tone and mood, too. And Frontier didn’t have Digimon partners. Renamon was pretty cool, though. Did you know that “he” is a woman in all other dubs?” “Seriously?” “Yep, the german dub is the only exception. I mean, it still works, but if you know, it’s kinda weird. That’s also the reason why the yellow Power Ranger doesn’t have a skirt.” “Huh?” “She’s a man in Japan.” “I didn’t even really watch Power Rangers. How do you know all this?” “Let’s just say I spend way too much time on TVTropes.” “What’s that?” “Something you should definitely stay away from, else it’ll do the same to you.” “Is that brotherly advice?” Rusty asked cheekily. “Do you want it to be?” I replied. Rusty looked me over. “Is that how you usually spend the holidays?” I wasn’t sure if that was intended as a question, an accusation or something else entirely, but I decided to assume it was the former. “No,” I assured him. “Papa just thought that I… exhausted myself lately.” “But not because of me, did you?” Rusty suddenly seemed very embarassed, almost looking guilty. That was something where he should probably not take after Sammy. “You and your dad being part of our lives changes things, of course. But this,” I gestured at my outfit – “this is something we usually do once during each school holiday. And if the need arises.” “And it makes you feel better?” “Once I’m in the mood… yes.” “That’s good…” Something was going on in Rusty, that much I knew. Suddenly he raised his hand and lifted the part of my onesie that covered my diaper. It took both of us a moment to register that. Rusty quickly retreated, but before I could say anything, he had reached forward again and put my pacifier in my mouth. “Jona will have to change you soon, I guess,” he whispered. “Are you coming, Rusty?” Thomas suddenly yelled – apparently Papa and he had finished talking. “Yeah, give me a sec.” With these words, Rusty rose to his feet and climbed out of the playpen. “Good night, Luka.” I waved at him, then he turned to his father. Papa escorted the two out, then he returned to me. “Are you alright?” I nodded. “That wasn’t planned. The two were in the area and then Thomas asked if he could come briefly come over. Maybe I should’ve warned you, but I thought, if the two come over more often, then they need to be prepared for you being in such a phase. Or for Sammy to run around dressed like that. I took the pacifier out of my mouth. “But I could’ve…” “No, Luka. We don’t normally have visitors during such phases, but the two know what’s up. If they come over, it’s not a reason to rip you out of that headspace. It’s hard enough to get you there to begin with. And one thing needs to be clear, even going forward.” “What?” “Neither you nor Sammy need to hide in this house. There is being appropriately considerate, but whoever visits us regularly knows what to expect. We aren’t any different outside of the diaper stuff, either.” Papa wasn’t wrong about that. Benny for example had made his first experiences with nudism through us, because we had taken him along. During hot summer days, he and Sammy had often ended up playing naked in the absence of swimwear. Of course it had been strange for him at first, but at that time Benny had been much younger than Rusty was now – long before you start being ashamed of everything. For him, all that was no longer an issue. It was a little ironic that even after all those years he knew nothing about the room – but none of us were willing to risk the friendship with Benny and his family. Aside from the rumors that might start, that loss would be devastating for Sammy. But losing Thomas might be devastating for Papa as well. “Please don’t mess things up with Thomas because of that, Pa,” I whispered. “Luka, you are not supposed to take responsibility for me. That’s the exact opposite of what the compensation phases are for.” “Not just for your sake,” I explained. “I like him, too. And I think so does Sammy.” Papa looked to the floor, clearly touched. “Oh Luka,” he whispered, then climbed into the playpen and pulled me into his arms. “Don’t worry about Thomas. I haven’t met such an open-minded person since Simon. Excluding you two, of course. And we believe Rusty will get used to you two being some very special boys. If he hasn’t already.” I nodded and snuggled up to Papa. No responsibility, that was so easy to say. But even if Papa was right, that I grabbed onto too much responsibility – he did the same. Papa had so often placed our needs above his own over the last eight years, and he had nobody who took care of him the way he did for us. It was so terribly unfair. And that’s why I could not forgive myself if he were to lose Thomas because of me. “Come on, my big little guy,” he whispered. “I’ll put you in a fresh diaper and then it’s time for bed.”

Chapter 10 - Intervention “Dad?” “Yes? “I’ve been thinking a lot lately.” Thomas didn’t respond. “Dad?” “I heard you. I just thought you were about to say more. What are you thinking about?” “Everything?” “And are you reaching a conclusion?” “I think so. Slowly. I’m remembering something you told me.” “I told you a lot the last couple of days.” “You remember what you said on the ride home from the theme park?” “Of course.” Rusty waited for a moment, then he decided to dare ask the question. “You said that if I were to wear diapers…” Rusty made point of emphasizing the hypothetical – but hopefully it wasn’t too much – “that you’d be fine with it. Were you serious about that?” “Of course I was serious about it.” “But I didn’t go through what Luka and Sammy went through.” “Did Luka tell you something?” “Mhm.” Rusty normally would’ve just nodded, but of course his father couldn’t have seen that, him being focused on the road as he should. “How do you feel? He asked. “Now that you know?” “Well… I can’t really imagine. I mean, I believe him, but it doesn’t want to go into my head. I guess I was really lucky. I’m starting to understand the two. And why they are the way they are.” “I think I see where you are going with this,” Thomas said. Rusty immediately went a little pale, although his father thankfully didn’t notice. Had he seen through him? “Rusty, Trauma is a reason for people to do things. They are not an excuse to do something that’s illegal or hurts others. But that also means you don’t need to be traumatized to do something that’s perfectly legal and doesn’t hurt anyone. People develop coping mechanisms for everything that worries them. The kids I used to work with were no different. Sometimes those strategies are healthy – I told you about Julius, he benefited from that. Because that role allowed him to look at and process his experiences from a different angle. The others thought it was a little weird, but it was the way it was. I would’ve been glad if all of them had something along those lines – others tried to exert power over the others or harmed themselves to regain control.” “You mean, even if Luka and Sammy didn’t have that past, you’d be fine with it?” “That’s my point. From what I’ve been told, Jona established it for the two as a coping strategy, and now it’s a permanent part of their lives. Maybe it will always be. I have to say, I think that’s interesting from an educational standpoint alone.” Thomas paused for a moment while he allowed another car to drive onto the freeway. “But it’s not like you’ve got nothing to cope with.” “Huh?” “Rusty, I know that some of your schoolmates are teasing you. And then there’s the divorce on top of that.” That word alone was enough to silence both of them for a while. “What happens now?” Rusty asked. “With Jona, and Mum?” “Well. Jona and I agreed that we’d only tell our children once things got more serious. That is now done. But it’s not like we’re going to get married tomorrow. We’ll see the three of them more often, but beyond that, not much will change for the time being. Another period of silence filled the car while Rusty was contemplating. There was a question burning inside him, but should he really dare to ask? “Do you still love mum?” Thomas didn’t respond for a while, but Rusty could tell that the question was just as difficult for him to answer as it had been for him to ask. “I’ve spent over fifteen years of my life with your mother, Rusty. That will never disappear, and I don’t regret it. I like to say that my old job was the reason for the divorce, but it’s a little more complicated than that. But there is one thing we both agreed on, and I’m certain that she’ll do her part on it.” “What is it?” “That we settle the divorce as cleanly and amicably as possible. You are enough of a reason to do that on your own. Many divorces get very ugly, and that’s exactly what we want to avoid. You are never to be forced to choose between us – we both remain your parents, even if we no longer live together.” Rusty turned his head towards the window – he didn’t want his father to see the tear running across his cheek. If he could have, he would’ve latched onto his father right now and never let go. Every vacation has one catch: It eventually ends. On the other hand I was alwaysy glad when we eventually returned home – at some point, you do start to miss it. We were not the kind of people to travel for long periods, anyway. At some point you’d seen everything you’d wanted to see, and we also had a swimming pool we could go to at home. We had now spent about a week with Rusty and Thomas, and if things were to continue like that, I would have no problem with it. It did Papa good to spend time with another adult again. He hadn’t been entirely lonely before, of course, but he had dedicated himself to use for so many years, that he more than deserved to be happy with someone again. This evening we only heated up some pizzas – after the long ride home none of us had it in us to go grocery shopping or cook. Sammy disappeared into his room shortly after we had cleared the table, and I would’ve one the same, but Papa had other plans. “Luka, please stay for a minute,” he said and gestured to the now cleared dining table. I got seated again and he sat down on the other side. “Is everything alright?” I asked. “I was about to ask you that.” “I’m fine, Papa, really.” “But you took a lot of responsibility. The situation at the beach, for one. And you spent some time talking to Rusty in private.” “He just had a few questions.” “And that’s okay. But were those questions you were willing to answer?” “Yes, he asked about our past, if that’s what you mean. But nothing he wouldn’t have a right to know about if things between you get more serious.” “You don’t have to tell Rusty anything just so Thomas and I can have a relationship. Did you really want to speak about it?” “Papa, I wouldn’t have told him anything if it had been that bad. And I prefer him asking me instead of Sammy.” Papa sighed. “You’re right about that. But that’s exactly what I mean. You don’t have to shield your brother from everything, big guy. He is a very strong boy in his own right. Stronger than you and I know. And I know that he’s more important to you than you are to yourself. And that’s why I’m imposing a break on you.” “You mean…” “Yes. I had already arranged for Sammy to spend a few days with Benny beforehand.” “You don’t have to send…” “Luka!” Papa interrupted me. “He’s spending a few days with his best friend. And I think Sammy will have plenty to tell him about. He is not the one you need to worry about.” Papa was right about that. Benny had entered kindergarten a year after Sammy, but the two had been practically inseparable since then, and since Sammy entered school later than usual, this had continued throughout primary school. I wasn’t directly involved with Benny that much, but his family had been among the first and closest friends Papa made during Sammy’s time in kindergarten. Both Sammy and Benny could’ve given the adress of the other as a second residence, and Papa and Benny’s parents always helped each other out. They were among the few that knew details about our past – but neither they nor Benny knew about the room. “How long?” I asked. “I’d say, at least as long as Sammy’s gone. Maybe the whole week. It was about time you get some downtime.” I should probably tell you what this is about. Papa and I had established “compensation phases” for me. For me that meant the following: I would be treated mostly like a baby again. That in turn meant being in diapers, appropriate clothing and having a pacifier with me at all times. Of course real babies do very little aside from eating and sleeping, so I was still allowed to watch TV, read and play video games as long as it wasn’t entirely inappropriate for kids. But there was one non-negotiable rule for me during the time, and that was the most difficult thing about it for me: I mustn’t take any responsibility. Not even small things like clearing the table – to be exact, I wasn’t even supposed to use the bathroom during this time. “The question is just, do you want to start right now, or do ou want to spend the evening as a 14-year-old?” For an outsider that might sound like coercion. But I can assure you – if I were to really resist, Papa would never force me into a compensation phase. But as I said before, Papa and I had a kind of unspoken agreement – Papa knows what’s good for me. And accepting that, and especially allowing myself to depend on him, was the big goal. So I trust Papa, and if he says something, I accept it. Again, he would NEVER make me do something. If I were to refuse now, Papa would try to find out if something’s amiss, but he wouldn’t force anything beyond that. He just intentionally frames things as if I had no choice so I don’t get ideas of refusing just to relieve him. “Well, now would be a little sudden,” I said. “How about I decide when I hit the sheets, but you diaper and dress me for the night already?” “Great,” Papa said, satisfied. “That’s what we’ll do. Come.” Papa got up and took my hand. One visit in the room later I was diapered for the night and dressed in a fitting onesie. By now it was time for Sammy to hit the sheets, so we paid him a quick visit. “Hey Luki,” he chimed as we entered the room. He apparently already know what was up. Those were the moments were Papa and my bro conspired for my own good. “Come on, little guy. It’s time for bed.” “Papa, it’s the holidays,” Sammy moaned. “Exactly, and you need to be ready for pickup before noon. You don’t want to oversleep, do you?” “Fine,” Sammy moaned and quickly got ready for bed – notably without a diaper this time. “Tuck me in,” he said after he had curled up in his bed. Papa of course gladly obliged. “Sweet dreams, little guy.” “You to, Pa. Sweet dreams, Luki.” With those words Sammy closed his eyes and we left his room. “Don’t stay up too much longer,” Papa whispered. “If you need something, I’m in my office.” I nodded and retreated into my room. Around 10 pm I walked over to the room and climbed into the crib. One of my pacifiers including it’s chain were still there. Officially I didn’t need it yet, but starting tomorrow I’d always have to have it on me – be it in my mouth, on the chain or at least in my pocket, if we were to leave the house. So why wait? I put it in my mouth, clipped the chain to my onesie so I wouldn’t lose it during the night, then curled up under my blanket and, in the absence of Papa or Sammy, grabbed my plush wolf Akela. After one more quick hand motion to turn on the baby monitor, I closed more eyes. “Good morning, big guy,” Papa whispered. I was still half a sleep, and definitely not ready to get up yet. Papa slowly turned up the light, but even I wasn’t at all mentally present yet, it caused instincts to kick in. I immediately held Akela in front of my eyes. “I someone still tired?” Papa teased. “Hm…” Oh no. Papa was getting up to something. Moments later I could hear the crib’s railings open. “Do I have to tickle the sleepyhead awake or should I cuddle with him until he wakes up?” “Cubble!” I babbled without taking Akela out of my face. If Papa were to decide to be mean, he could start tickling me and I’d either have to take it or try and fend him off, but then I’d have to move my hands and be blinded by the light. So, a rock and a hard place, or as the old greeks used to say, Scylla and Charybdis. “Well, I don’t want to be like that today,” Papa chuckled. I didn’t need to be told twice and gave him some room – he lay down next to me and I snuggled up in his arm. I can’t see my sleeping Luka at all,” Papa said, carefully took Akela from my face and placed him on my chest. Then he moved his paw onto my nose. “Boop!” I quickly covered my nose with both hands. Papa grinned and pulled me a little closer. He had missed this. And so had I. Eventually we did have to get up, however. After all, Sammy was still in the house and he wasn’t supposed to go to Benny’s without breakfast. Once I was standing upright, Papa took off my onesie and checked my diaper – it had actually stayed dry for tonight, but that would change soon. I’d often struggle to use my diaper at first, since I wasn’t allowed to change myself and that meant more work for Papa – but he wouldn’t change me out of this diaper before it was used. So Papa lead me to the dining room. Sammy also picked this time to leave his cave. “Hey Luki.” I nodded to my brother, then I glanced at the table. As expected I had no silverware, just a plate and a bottle with juice. No responsibility, that was the number one rule. And that also meant that I was not allowed to cut my own bread or spread anything on them myself. Papa immediately began preparing slices with Nutella and jam for me. I wouldn’t need a bib this time, since I was just in my diaper and could dirty myself to my heart’s content. Ultimately I did stay relatively clean, aside from my face – which Sammy certainly didn’t accept on purpose, but before he could come up with some mischief, the doorbell rang. Was it already that late? A glance at the clock gave me my answer: Half past ten! Did Papa wake me that late? “Go wash your hands real quick, Sammy,” Papa yelled after my brother, who had already almost reached his room. In the meantime I rose from my chair – it was about time. Shortly afterwards, Sammy returned with his bag and kissed us both on the cheek.” “Bye Papa, bye Luki!” “Have fun, big guy,” Papa said. “Give Benny and his parents my regards.” “Will do!” With those words the door closed and we were alone. It must have been a sight for the gods: Me, the fourteen-year-old, wearing only a diaper, with Nutella and jam stains on my face like a kindergartener. Papa glanced at my diaper, then smiled. “You’re up for a bath, little guy.”

Chapter 9 - Non-committal, Part 2 The next evening was to be the highlight of our vacation: We were going to see a musical – The Lion King to be exact. That, of course, could only mean one thing. Exactly, we were going to watch the movie beforehand. That is, the real one, not the one with the weird CGI-lions. We have standards here. I have to admit, even though it’s one of our favorite movies, some scenes still made me tear up. I certainly wasn’t alone in that, either, because whenever we saw that movie, I could watch Sammy snuggle up extra closely to Papa. I inconspicuously glanced over to Rusty, who remained seated normally. He seemed t o have gotten rid of the diaper by now, but I didn’t want to look that closely at his crotch, either. He seemed more like the kind of person that occasionally watches a Disney movie, but certainly couldn’t sing along. Things got interesting when Simba and Nala began singing “Can you feel the love tonight?” - Sammy didn’t seem to notice, but I could see how Papa lovingly glanced over to Thomas, who seemed to feel the same way. To be honest, it was the first time I saw Papa like this without him reminiscing about Simon. For a moment I thought about how unfair it was that Simon had to leave us so soon. But the way Sammy and I had gotten to know him, I was sure he would’ve been happy for Papa. Rusty seemed oblivious to the loving gazes of our dads, or maybe he just didn’t want to notice. I could only hope that Rusty would continue to open up to us. “Do you know what happens if you fall asleep during the musical?” Sammy asked, giggling. “Then the usher comes and says “Naaaaa sie pennnn jaaa!”” OK, that one was pretty good. At least good enough to elicit a grin from Rusty. I think everything will be alright. After the performance we made our way back to the ferries, Rusty and myself in the lead. But just as we wanted to step aboard, one of the staff members stopped us. “Two more can go, but the rest will have to wait for the next one.” “Should we go ahead?” I asked our two and a half followers. “We’ll wait for you on the other side.” “Sounds good. Shouldn’t take long, anyway,” Papa agreed. Rusty and I boarded the ferry and made our way to one of the windows. But just when I was about to slip back into thought, I was janked back to the present. “Luka?” Rusty whispered. “What is it?” Rusty didn’t replay, but instead made a slightly desperate gesture toward his pants. Only on the second glance did I notice the dark patch that had appeared on it. Had he wet himself? “The second diaper!” I quickly deduced what must’ve happened. Luckily I knew what to do – that was one of the jobs of a big brother, after all, and that also applied to little stepbrothers to be. I quickly took off my sweat-jacked, which I had taken with me in case of a windy evening, and passed it to Rusty, who quickly tied it around his waist. About ten minutes later we were reunited with the rest of our families – Rusty’s head was practically glowing, but nobody seemed to notice. On foot and in the subway there shouldn’t be any problem hiding the wet spot. “Luki, why does Rusty have your jacket?” Sammy suddenly asked. Rusty was about to answer, but I was ahead of him. “It was a little chilly just now, so I gave him mine.” A little haphazard, Rusty wasn’t wearing the jacket for it’s actual purpose, after all, but Sammy seemed satisfied. Disaster averted, at least for the moment. When we entered the car, I made a point of sitting between my “two” “brothers”. Luckily, Sammy seemed to get tired already, resting his head on my shoulder and dozing off. Rusty remained silent during the entire ride home, until we stepped through the front door. “I’ll take a shower real quick!” he yelled and disappeared before anyone could stop him. “Then I’ll read a little until Rusty is finished,” Sammy said. That was probably for the best, since of the three of us, I could delay my shower the longest. We retreated back to our room, until I heard someone dashing through the corridor. “Sammy, I think the bathroom just fell vacant.” My brother nodded, grabbed his things and left. I waited for a few minutes, then I walked over to Rusty’s room and knocked. “Yes?” “It’s me. Can I come in?” Instead of a response, the door opened right away – Rusty was already in his pyjamas and waved for me to come in. “It’s good you came. I wanted to thank you.” “For what?” I asked dumbfounded, until I remembered that I had given Rusty the jacket. “Right… actually, I was going to apologize to you.” “Why apologize?” “Because I didn’t warn you. When you asked for the diaper yesterday I didn’t think you’d use it.” “That’s alright. That was pure adrenaline today! Although I’m glad nobody saw me streaking from the bathroom to this room in my birthday suit. Didn’t have my new clothes with me, after all.” “I thought you didn’t want people to see you like that?” “Right, but what can I say, I’m still and adrenaline junkie.” “Then I’m surprised by your taste in theme park rides.” “There’s crazy, there’s forbidden and then there’s suicidal,” Rusty explained. “Makes sense. So how come you put on the second diaper?” “Well, I kept on the first over night, and at some point I had to go. And then I thought, I’m wearing a diaper, so why go to the toilet?” “Classic.” “Wasn’t easy to actually use it. Sounds stupid, but…” “There are inhibitions. I know what you mean. I was already clean during the day back then, it was just the nights that were problematic.” “Ultimately, I had to stand up. I got spooked every time the floodgates opened.” “And then?” “Well, in the morning I noticed that you had left the second diaper here. And then I thought I’d try it for the musical to see if you’re right about nobody noticing.” “I certainly did not. But I also didn’t think about it at all, you weren’t wearing one during the movie, after all.” “Right, I had already cleaned myself up by then. Was pretty easy, since I only went #1. You don’t go #2, do you?” “Well… mostly no. It is a hassle to clean up. I do it occasionally, but only if I know Papa is taking care of cleanup. Same for Sammy if I or Papa change him.” I had expected a disgusted look on Rusty’s face after that statement, but he just kept talking. “Anyway, I would’ve needed to go after the musical, but we wanted to head to the ferries quickly. And you know what happened then.” “Let me guess, you just flooded the diaper in one go, right?” “Yes, it was easier this time.” “Rookie mistake. If you go too quickly, the risk of leaking increases.” “I noticed. I put your jacket into the laundry basket, I didn’t want to risk anything being on it.” “OK, good… if you want any more diapers again, just tell me.” Rusty waved it off. “Maybe, but I still don’t want your brother or our dads to know about it. I know, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but once they know, they know.” “I see.” “But I’d like to ask you a few more things.” “Sure thing.” “Well, I think this is going a step further than before.” “Yes?” Rusty swallowed. “What happened to your old family. Like, why aren’t you with them anymore?” Now it was me who had to swallow. But I had told him he could ask, so the mistake was clearly mine. “You really don’t have to tell me if it’s too bad,” Rusty quickly added. “But Dad worked with many kids who can’t live at home any more. But there was usually still contact with the families – but not in your case.” “That’s correct,” I explained while my voice recovered. “Let’s just say, we weren’t wanted.” “You mean your mum got pregnant even though she didn’t want to?” I prepared a response, but Rusty interrupted me. “Sorry, your mother. Jona is your Dad, after all.” “I do think they want kids. But we believe they wanted girls. Of course, we don’t know exactly how things were during the first few years, but I think if it started as mere neglect, it turned into hate when Sammy was born and wasn’t a girl, either.” “Hate? How… what does that mean?” “They told and showed us pretty clearly that we were worthless to them. I distinctly remember one situation shortly before we were removed from there. Sammy had just told our mother that he loves her, and she slapped him across the face and yelled at him for it.” Rusty took a deep breath, but kept listening. “Shall I stop?” Rusty shook his head. “What happened then?” “I don’t remember all of it. Sammy cried of course, but I was the only one who cared. But the perfidious thing about it was that Sammy believed it was his fault. That he wasn’t good enough. That he’d just have to love her more so she would be better. And I believed that, too. During warm days, we often had to spend the day naked in the garden and usually were only allowed back in at dusk – after we were sprayed off with the garden hose.” “Why?” “I guess they wanted peace and quite. And naked so we couldn’t get any clothes dirty. At least that’s my guess.” “But they didn’t… you know?” “If you mean sexual abuse… we were lucky in that regard. But even just those garden days – Simon used to be a nudist, and when he died, Jona initially didn’t want to continue with it, because there were too many memories associated with it. But then he wanted to help us develop a healthy attitude toward our bodies and not feel humiliated whenever we had to take our clothes off. It also happened to be a good way to stay connected to Simon after his death.” Rusty didn’t say anything for a while, then he looked to the ground. “I don’t get it,” he whispered. “What?” “How could anyone do this? I mean, your child… you’d love your child, right?” “I don’t know. Mrs. Schuster, our case worker from child protective services, once explained to us that our mother apparently had a similar past. There might have been some post-partum depression in there, if she wasn’t already depressed anyway. But to be honest, I really don’t care. Even if it wasn’t all her fault, it’s no less shitty for us. And our bio father was no better.” “Shit… you know, it was always a given that Mum and Dad love me. Even when we fight.” “That’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s just… more complicated sometimes.” That statement remained hanging in the air for a moment before Rusty suddenly broke the silence. “Can I ask you something else?” “Sure,” I asked and glanced at Rusty, who looked away, slightly embarassed. “Well, if that between our Dads really becomes something serious, Jona would kinda become my stepfather.” “And you don’t know what to think about that?” “Do you read minds?” “Just a guess,” I assured my quasi-stepbrother. Despite everything, I still had not developed telepathy. “OK, I know it’s not the same, but what was it like for you, when you learned that Jona was going to adopt you?” I didn’t respond at first. That was a moment I remembered well – for me, it was the beginning of our new life. “It’s OK if you don’t want to talk about it,” Rusty said. “No, it’s alright. I’ll tell you.” The way home had been pretty uneventful. Jona had fetched us from daycare as always, talked to the educators about our day and then put us into the car. Sammy and I were silent – we had often gotten into trouble for talking in the car. Or at all. But it hadn’t gone past us that something had changed for Jona. Picking up on such things was something we had to learn early. “Boys, the three of us need to talk,” Jona said as we entered the house. I immediately felt Sammy clutching my arm. Jona walked us into the living room, were my brother and I claimed the couch for ourselves, while Jona sat down on the edge of an armchair. “You’re returning us, right?” Sammy asked hesistantly. “Why do you believe that?” Jona asked. There was nohing accusatory in his voice, but for my brother that was the only conceivable reason why this conversation was happening. “Because we’re bad kids,” I said for him. That may sound extreme, but I really believed that. We both believed that. Why else would we be punished again and again, if we didn’t do something to deserve it? “Who told you that?” Jona asked, and we could both feel that the idea made him angry. He took a moment to breath before he continued. “You’d see right through me if I said anything else, so I’ll be honest. The last few weeks weren’t easy for me. And for you, of course. But when Simon and I took you in, we had a rough idea what to expect. Now that he’s gone, that changed a few things, of course, and yes, I wasn’t sure if I could give you what you need.” Jona paused when he noticed Sammy burying his face in my shoulder. I put my arm around him, and Jona carefully placed his hand on his shoulder. Sammy shuddered and pulled away. Jona understood the message and gave him space. “I know you’re afraid of having to go back to your old family, or into a home. That’s why I’m going to tell you something. I was going to wait until it’s more certain, because I don’t want to disappoint you, but I believe you should know now, before you start guessing for yourself.” Jona took another deep breath. “Do you know what adoption means?” Sammy shook his head, but I had heard the word before and gave Jona a confused look. “Doesn’t that mean taking in a child?” “Yes, that’s a part of it,” Jona replied, “but I’ve already done that with you. But if I were to adopt you two, you would officially be my children and I’d be your Papa. Mrs. Schuster from CPS said we could try this. There is no guarantee that it’ll work out, but if it does, you’d never have to go back into your old home again.” Sammy turned his head so he could watch Jona with one eye. “But why?” he asked. “Why wht?” “Why do you want us? Nobody wants us.” Jona held out his hands. I took his left, while Sammy, after some hesitation, took his right. “Now listen to me carefully. You are no bad boys. Whoever says that has no clue what he’s talking about. I see a big boy who super lovingly cares for his little brother and would do anything to protect him. I see a smaller boy with a beautiful smile and a big heart. I see two boys who will grow into wonderful people one day. Two boys who deserve a real family and who I want to give just that.” Sammy and I looked a Jona, completely overwhelmed. Was that really happening. “Unless of course, you don’t want me to become your Papa.” “Yes!” Sammy yelled, but his throat had apparently clogged up a little. “I hope it works… Papa,” I said, but calling Jona that still didn’t feel right. “I hope so, too. And you don’t have to call me that if you don’t feel comfortable with it,” Jona said. “Until recently you called someone else that, after all. Until you’re ready, I can still be Jona for you. That’s your choice.” It had to work out. I couldn’t imagine it yet, but I wanted nothing more than for it to work out. And I decided to practice the word “Papa” before going to bed and afterwards. “And it worked?” Rusty asked. “We probably wouldn’t be talking now if it hadn’t,” I concluded. “Mrs. Schuster, our CPS case worker, arranged for us to be heard in court. I remember how the judge asked us “Luka, Samuel, do you want to stay with Jona or do you want to go back to your parents?” We practically begged him to allow the adoption, although I think Sammy had a bit more of an effect than I did. We weren’t present during the verdict because our bio parents had been sent outside when we were being heard, and of course they had to come back for the verdict.” “Why? I mean, why weren’t they allowed to be present?” “So we could answer honestly, without feeling pressured by their presence. But Jona told us that the judge basically said “either you give the boys up for adoption, or I’ll do it for you”. He knew our story as well and was accordingly disgusted that they didn’t want to give us up. If they had refused, there might have been a police investigation.” “Makes sense, but why did they want to keep you? Don’t tell me it was out of love.” I laughed at the notion. “No. But if we had lived with our bio parents again, they would’ve gotten child benefits for us. That was the only good thing about us in their view. But the judge thankfully saw through that.” “Thankfully,” Rusty agreed. “That is so disgusting.” “Yes, and thankfully done forever.” “And did you have contact with your… your bio parents since then?” “Not really. At first we were worried they’d try something, but nothing came from their end. Not even a letter or something – if they had cared, they would’ve been allowed one letter each year, and more if we had responded. But they didn’t. And as far as I’m concerned, it can stay that way.” “Oh man. I’m really sorry.” “Don’t be. Sammy and I now have the best dad in the world. I just wish Simon was here and could see how everything turned out.” I usually made a point not to cry when talking about such things, but the thought of our second Papa, who we had only known so briefly, brought a tear to my eye. Rusty put a hand on my shoulder. “You OK?” he asked. I nodded. “I’m OK,” I replied. “Well, at least there was a happy ending for you. The two of you seem to be well past it by now.” “Don’t be so sure about that. It was a long way to get here, and something the two of us slip back into old patterns. You were really lucky at the beach.” “Why?” “If that had happened a few years ago, or if you had been anyone else…” I paused for a moment. Somehow it was hard to admit this. “You might be in the hospital now.” “That bad?” I nodded. “Do what you will with me. But the moment you mess with my brother, there will be blood.” Rusty looked to theside. “He’s so lucky to have you. Sometimes I wish I too had a big brother to watch out for me.” “You do now.” “What?” “Rusty, I don’t distinguish between father and adoptive father. Do you think it matters to me if you’re my stepbrother or bio brother?” “Sure, but you can’t force yourself to love me the way you love Sammy.” “You’re right, and that won’t happen. Not on short notice, at least. But if our dads stay together, you’re family.” I grinned. “Whether you like it or not.” Rusty smiled, if a little hesitantly. “Thanks, Luka,” he whispered. “That’s really nice of you.” Now it was him who grinned. “Or should I say Luki?” “We’re not quite there yet, kid. Only Sammy and Papa may call me that. Unless you want me to put you in a headlock.” I noticed Rusty going slightly red. But was that because of the half-joke, half-real threat, or because I had slipped and called him “kid”? Before one of us could continue, there was another knock on the door. “Come in?” Rusty said. The door opened and my brother stuck his head into the room. “Ah, there you are. Is this a private party or can I join?” “I wouldn’t call this a party,” I explained. “Good, because it’s time to hit the sheets,” Sammy giggled. “At least that’s what Papa says.” He wasn’t wrong about that, it was almost midnight by now. “Good night, you two,” Rusty said. “Sleep well.” “Thanks, you too,” Sammy replied, then he took my hand and dragged me out of the room. “Is it just me or are you starting to become besties with Rusty?” he asked once we were a few meters away from the closed door. “We’re talking a lot lately,” I explained. “But he likes me, too, right?” Sammy hesitantly asked. “I’m sure of it,” I assured him. “I just thinks it’s a little easier for him to talk with me because I’m the older one. But he really wants to get to know us.” “Next time you talk, can you please ask if I can join you? It’s OK if he says no, too.” “Will do. Now come on, bro. Let’s wish Papa a good night and then off to bed.”

Chapter 8 - Non-committal, Part 1 “Sammy, I need to borrow your brother for a bit,” Papa said, having appeared out of nowhere at the end of the waterslide the two of us had been frequenting for the last quarter of an hour. “Don’t worry, I’ll bring him back in one piece,” he added, grinning. “That would be best,” my brother giggled. “Else I’d have to scold you.” “And you’d be completely in the right. Are you coming, Luki?” “I obviously appear to have been overruled,” I said, resigning myself to my fate. Papa led us to the three sunbeds we had secured right after entering the swimming pool and sat down on one of it. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “How are you doing, big guy?” Papa returned the question. “You’re doing a lot of heavy lifting lately.” “No I’m not,” I waved off, but Papa wouldn’t be deterred. “I saw how you intervened at the beach yesterday. And I know that you have to calm Sammy again and again. It’s great that you do that, but I don’t want you to overextend yourself.” “I’m fine, Papa. Really.” “You promise that you’ll tell me the moment that changes?” “I promise.” “Good. Rusty did seem to open up quite a bit yesterday.” “Yeah, I just hope he hasn’t had enough of us already.” I knew that wasn’t the reason why Thomas and Rusty were out on their own today, but those words still left my mouth. “Rusty is going through quite a bit, but I think he understands a lot. I’m curious as to when we’ll get to know him properly and not the facade he’s erected around himself.” “Well, he and Sammy did handle themselves nicely during the competition yesterday. I think that was good for him.” I had to grin. “We might have even successfully converted him to nudism.” “I think we owe that one to Sammy. It’s nothing new that he is quite oblivious to boundaries at times. In retrospect, it might have been a good thing that things escalated that way and not another. You had a grip on the situation and managed to turn it into something positive.” I went red. “I just kept them from going at each other.” “Just a few years ago you might have charged Rusty if it had looked like he was going to hurt Sammy. Don’t underestimate how far you’ve come.” “But only because we have you,” I whispered, hugging my father. He pulled me closer and patted me on the shoulder. “Come one, I’ll take you back to your brother. If he didn’t run off somewhere, that is.” Streaking might have been the better word, as the swimming pool also happened to be clothing-optional today. And while we didn’t have a problem with swimming trunks – why put one on if it wasn’t needed. Sammy had actually stayed at the waterslide, though. “There you are,” he yelled. “Here we are. I’m returning your brother to you, in the same condition as before.” “Are you?” Sammy asked and looked at me. “Turn around!” I did as he asked and let him inspect me. “Looks like you’re right,” he admitted, almost sounding disappointed. “What, did you think he was in trouble,” Papa asked while I turned back to my brother. “Maybe,” Sammy said, grinning deviously. “Well, I don’t want to disappoint you then,” Papa laughed, giving me a light clap on my behind. “Ow!” I yelled, of course completely overdoing it, and quickly fled to Sammy’s side. Others with my past might’ve been triggered quite badly by this, but Papa knew exactly what was safe and what wasn’t. Sammy giggled gleefully. “But you do realize that you just volunteered,” Papa said, grinning. Sammy stuck out his tongue – but just so happened to present his behind to me. That was an opportunity that I of course didn’t pass up. “Ow!” Sammy giggled. “Always the little ones.” “Now don’t pretend your nice and innocent, dear brother,” I said, grinning. “Thomas might fall for that again, but the two of us know exactly that you’re up there with the best of them. “And that’s exactly the way I like you two,” Papa said. “But don’t get into too much trouble. No need to anger the lifeguards here.” When we left the swimming pool a few hours later, it was already early in the afternoon. Papa just wanted to enter the adress of our holiday home when a message from Thomas appeared on the screen. Papa opened it, then started grinning. “Look at this.” We leaned forward over the two front seats so we could better see the screen. Thomas and Rusty had apparently gotten cozy on the terrace of some restaurant for lunchtime. At least, both were grinning into the camera. A pretty picture, but a little saddening as well, since we had apparently not given Rusty to smile like that, yet. Papa tapped the camera symbol, then we saw our own faces including our still slightly wet hair. “Say cheese.” Sammy and I glanced at each other, then we made the dumbest faces we could think of. Papa was not deterred and simply made multiple photos, of which he sent the best to Thomas. *Thomas is typing* Oh dear. What was coming now? If you were expecting something super exciting, it was just a laughing emoji, followed by a similar photo and the info that the two of them would likely be eating before coming home, so we would not have to wait for them. “Everybody buckled up?” “Yes, sir! I yelled. “Company ready to move!” Sammy added. Did I mention that the two of us were a little boisterous? “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you two are asking for a nap,” Papa laughed as the car began moving. “Not us, not at all,” we both giggled. Two brothers, one mind. Maybe we should’ve taken that nap, because we actually ended up being quite tired after dinner. I decided to surf the web on my phone a little, while Sammy preferred to listen to Pettson and Findus. We were all the more surprised when there was a sudden knock on the half-open door and Rusty carefully stuck his head in. “Hey,” he said a little hesitantly. “Hey,” I replied. Sammy waved at him, but was too engrossed by the story and apparently way too tired as well, to do more than that. “Luka, could you come with me for a moment?” “Sure,” I said and quickly rose to my feet. Rusty lead me into his room and sat down on his bed – he had used the second as storage for his belongings, but there was enough space for me left so I could sit down there. “What’s up?” “Well, I… I’ve been thinking a lot lately.” “No doubt. You’ve got much to think about.” “True. But you might be able to help me…” Rusty trailed off, as if he was uncertain whether or not he should go on. “But?” I asked. “Dad said one of the best ways to get rid of prejudice is just talking to people and asking questions. But I don’t want it to come off weird.” “All things considered, I don’t think you can shock me.” “Don’t be so sure about that…” Rusty left those words hanging in the air for a bit – I waited patiently until he was ready to continue. “Can you give me a diaper?” I let that sentence work on me for a moment – when I said he couldn’t shock me, I expected everything except that very question. I smiled. “Sure.” “Really?” “Why not?” “Well… I thought that would go too far.” “I’ll get one real quick.” “Wait!” “What?” “Sammy is still in your room!” “If he’s still awake, he’ll just think I’m getting it for myself.” “Yes, but…” “Yeah?” Rusty looked to the floor. “Can this be our secret. Even from our dads?” “I’ll take it to my grave,” I assured him, then quickly walked back to our room. Sammy had indeed nodded off and didn’t even notice me entering. I looked into my bag – I had of course packed multiple different diapers, like Sammy, but which one should I pick for Rusty? That was almost a science in and of itself. I ended up choosing two Crinklz-variants – you could never go wrong with those. A few moments later I returned to Rusty’s room. “Ended up getting two. Astronauts or just normal animals?” “Is there a difference?” Rusty asked. “It’s the same brand, so not really.” Rusty glanced at both diapers, then took the astronaut-version in his hands and inspected it more closely. “Why do these even exist?” “I mean, there are many incontinent adults.” “Yeah, but these have prints on them.” Good point, I barely noticed those at this point. “Right. Let’s just say there are people who prefer that over the regular ones. I mean, with those you could feel like you’re in a nursing home.” “I see…” Rusty admitted, but didn’t ask about it further. He glanced at the diaper in his hands a little longer before speaking up again. “What is it like?” “What?” “Wearing one of these?” “Well, how should I describe it to you? Don’t get me wrong, but that would be like trying to explain colours to someone who’s blind.” “I’m sorry. I had feared as much. I’m just trying to empathize more, you know?” “I get it.” “Then there’s no way around it… would you mind if I put it on?” “Why would I mind?” “Well, you need them. Not because you’re wetting yourself, but to feel better. For me… it’s basically just a game.” “Well, I’m not deciding who may wear diapers and who may not.” Rusty didn’t answer, but kept looking at the diaper in his hands, pondering. “Do you know how to put it on?” Rusty shook is head. “Should I change you?” “What?!” “I could try to explain it to you, but that might be easier.” “Wait, you’re serious?” “Why not?” “Well… because…” Rusty stammered, then he composed himself. “I mean, it would be closer to how you feel, then. You know what I mean?” “Exactly, so if that’s what you’re going for… and I have seen you naked already.” “Sure, but…” I could practically see the wheels turning in Rusty’s head, then he gave me the diaper back. I put the other to the side for now. “Alright, but please hurry before I get back to my senses.” I pointed to the bed and Rusty lay down on it. He even quickly opened and pulled down his pants, his underpants remained in place though – he apparently didn’t dare to pull it down himself. Couldn’t blame him, but it had to go, of course. “So, for the future,” I said while pulling his underpants down, ”the side with the tapes is the backside. The other way around only works with weird hand movements when you’re taping it up. Rusty went red, but was remarkably helpful and lifted his butt. I slid the diaper underneath and he rested down on it. Thankfully, it needed to adjustments. “The rest is pretty simple,” I said while I brought up the front part and taped it up one by one. “Many just forget about the legs.” I ran my index and middle fingers through the diaper’s leg openings so it would fit properly. “But if you don’t pay attention to that, you might leak.” I gave Rusty a hand and pulled him back up into a sitting position. “So, how was that?” “Weird,” Rusty mumbled. He leapt to his feet and ran his hands over his diaper from all sides. “But good, doesn’t it?” I asked. Rusty hesitantly nodded. “I don’t even know when I last wore one of these. Dad said I was mostly potty-trained by two and a half.” “Well, we definitely weren’t that early.” Rusty pulled his pants back up and looked at himself. “It’s a little obvious.” “But only if you know. Believe me, if you don’t know, you won’t notice. And even if, people just assume that you’re incontinent.” “Well, you’re the experts, so I’ll just trust you on that.” Suddenly his face changed, if just briefly. Was that a grin?” “Thanks, Luka. I think I now have a few things to think about for the evening.” “Do that.” “Good night, Luka.” “Good night, Rusty.” And so I left the room of our semi-stepbrother, without anyone being the wiser that, at least for tonight, he had joined the diaper crowd. When I returned to the room I was sharing with Sammy, he was already fast asleep. That Toniebox and the special headphones for sleeping were really paying off. But by now it was about time for me to go to sleep as well – I briefly wondered if I wanted a nighttime diaper and decided that I didn’t want to be the undiapered boy in the house. Maybe Papa had some time – if not, I could at least take the opportunity to wish him a good night. Papa and Thomas were indeed still in the living room and talking, but without context I couldn’t even guess what about. “Am I interrupting?” “Luka, you’re not supposed to worry about that,” Papa replied. “Yes, but…” “No buts, Luka. If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.” “That,” Thomas added, “and if we wanted time for ourselves, we wouldn’t be in the living room.” “OK.” It was odd. It wasn’t usually embarassing for me, but Papa was usually alone by this time of the day. But the years Papa had spent teaching us not to be ashamed quickly won the conflict within. “Can you tuck me in?” “That’s a good idea,” Thomas replied. Then I can go to the bathroom and follow up on my son as well.” Oh dear. Granted, Rusty had his pants on, but it probably wasn’t good if his dad were to surprise him now. “I think Rusty wanted to hit the sheets already,” I replied. “OK. I’ll knock, if he doesn’t respond, I’ll know what’s up.” Papa took my hand and led me to the master bedroom, where some of our diapers had been stashed specifically for this purpose. “Of course we don’t have your pyjamas here. But if Rusty is already asleep, I guess you could just walk over like that.” I nodded. “It’s so warm, I’ll only put on a shirt over it, anyway. “Alright.” With those words Papa began undressing me. I almost automatically helped him do so. While I lay down on the bed, Papa chose a diaper for me – this time one with numbers and letters printed on it, preschool-style. Not even two minutes later I was ready for the night and Papa led me back to my room, where Thomas just happened to stand in the corridor. I felt myself going a little red, being just in a diaper in front of a man I barely knew, but Thomas just gave me friendly smile. “Good night, Luka.” “Good night, Thomas,” I whispered. In our room I quickly put on my shirt, while Papa gave Sammy a good-night kiss. Then he picked up my blanket, I climbed into bed and tucked me in. “Paci?” he asked. “I dunno.” “Then I’d say yes,” Papa decided and put the pacifier that was on my nightstand in my mouth. Then I too got my good-night kiss. “Sweet dreams, big guy. I love you.” “I love you, too,” I babbled. Then Papa turned off the light and let me begin my journey into the realm of Morpheus.

Glad you like it! The first volume is already long finished, so no worries about that.

We got our first patron! I guess now I have to go through with my plans for volume 2... Chapter 7 - Coward Rusty had retreated to his room pretty much right after dinner, but we had also been pretty tired and wanted to be in good shape for the beach the next day. To avoid early morning stress we had opted to forego nighttime diapers, at least for now – aside from the fact that we’d have to dispose of them, and we definitely didn’t want to have Rusty stumble over a black trash bag. Sammy naturally still slept with a pacifier – that’s something he rarely did without unless he spent the night over at a friend’s house. When the sun rose to wake us the next morning, one thing was clear to me – we could not stretch Rusty’s patience and nerves any further, and that meant that I would have to curtail any conflict with him quickly. Having arrived at the beach, Sammy and I quickly stripped down, applied sunscreen and ran to the water. Rusty stuck by his previous statement and remained in his trunks, but followed us, if a little hesitantly. My brother and I began playing in the waves, while our still dressed companion kept looking around. Our dads had stripped down as well and were watching us from a beach blanket, but were out of earshot. Sadly we could clearly see that Rusty wasn’t comfortable, but I didn’t know how to help him. Could I even help at all? I mean, shame is something you are raised to feel, it’s not something that is easily unlearnt. In a way it was similar to the way it had been for me when I was supposed to wear diapers again and found myself unable to use them on purpose, because there are blocks in your head that are supposed to prevent that very thing. “Come on, Rusty, don’t be like that!” Sammy yelled and knelt down in the sand to leave some handprints. “Forget it! I’m not stripping down here!” “Why not?” “Because I don’t need people looking there! It’s enough if I have to see you and our dads like that!” “There’s nothing about it! Almost everyone here is naked.” “Well, they clearly aren’t normal!” Not even ten minutes and the mood was already going bad. This wasn’t good. “I think it is,” Sammy continued, clearly oblivious to everything. Sometimes he was really blind for these things, despite us having learnt very early to find threats in the behaviour of others. “You think it’s normal to wear diapers and act like a baby, you freak!” Rusty had grown increasingly louder in his responses, but now he had dropped a bombshell. I could already see the two trading blows with my inner eye. It was now or never! “At least I’m not a coward!” Sammy yelled and straightened up. “You take that back!” Rusty shouted back and raised his hands. Before the two could do anything stupid, I dashed between them and put out one arm in each of their directions. “That’s enough!” I yelled. Sammy froze in his tracks, but Rusty came to his senses as well and looked at me nervously. “Be honest, Rusty, what’s normal to you?” I asked, still firm, but not quite as loud. He thought for a few moments, then shook his head. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But this right here isn’t. And to be honest, neither are you.” I took a deep breath. I could not take this as an insult right now. I could even understand Rusty, but if I said anything wrong now, things would escalate completely. And I didn’t want Papa to get into trouble with Thomas, either. “You’re right,” I said. “We aren’t normal. But you know what? I think that’s okay. Sammy and I never had a normal family like you used to have. That’s why we have a few quirks. But in return, we also have our Papa. And to be honest, I think being normal is boring.” I turned to face Sammy. “I want you to leave Rusty alone. This is uncomfortable for him, so please don’t make it worse, OK?” Sammy nodded. I believe he was even too afraid to speak up – that was a side of me that he rarely saw for good reason. I would take care of that shortly, but first I turned back to Rusty again. “Look around, Rusty. Nobody is looking at us and nobody is looking at you. You know why? Because you’ve got nothing down there that they don’t know. People come here because they like to be naked and not because they like to peep. You think they’ll remember that one boy with the red-brown hair? If so, then it’s not because you were naked or dressed.” Rusty said nothing for a while. Then he stepped forward and held out his hand towards my brother. “I’m sorry, Sammy. That right there was mean of me.” “It’s alright,” my brother replied and shook his hand. “I should’ve just accepted that you don’t want to do this. Let’s just forget this, OK?” “Deal.” Rusty turned back to me. “You know, at first I thought you’d side with Sammy. Simply because you are brothers. But you were fair. You’re alright.” He looked at Sammy again. “You’re both alright,” he admitted. “You’re alright, too,” I said. “And see it like this: If this thing with our dads lasts, you’re practically our brother as well.” Rusty sighed. “Did I get that right, that Jona isn’t your real dad?” “Jona is our real dad,” I said. “I mean, biological father,” our semi-stepbrother corrected himself. “Sorry, it’s the same for me.” I nodded. “Jona is not our biological father. But he is our Papa.” Sammy nodded, and Rusty thoughtfully looked to the ground before facing us again. “I can’t promise anything, but I want to try and understand you. You’re really nice. I just haven’t gotten used to my dad being with a man now. And…” Rusty trailed off. “What?” Sammy asked. “Well, if our dads really stay together, I can’t really hope for my parents to make up.” “That makes sense,” I admitted. “I haven’t gotten used to your Dad being together with mine,” Sammy said. “But that doesn’t mean we have to be mean to each other.” Rusty nodded. For a few moments there was silence, but he seemed to make up his mind about something. “I need to head back to Dad for a moment, but I’ll be back. And don’t turn around.” With that, Rusty ran off. Sammy and I turned towards the ocean. “Are you alright?” I asked, now that I was alone with my brother. Sammy nodded. “I really didn’t want to tease him or anything,” he mumbled. “I know,” I said and ruffled his hair. “But everything his turned out well.” Shortly afterwards we could hear steps in the sand. Then Rusty was standing next to us – this time without his trunks. “And? How does it feel?” I asked. “Strange,” Rusty replied. “But exciting somehow. As if I was doing something forbidden.” “In any case, it’s very brave of you,” I said. “But I bet you’ll soon have forgotten that you aren’t wearing anything.” “I still have this feeling that I’m too fat for this.” “Enough with that nonsense,” I stated. “You are not fat. You are a little more chubby, but fat is something else. Even calling you round would be an overstatement. That aside, the trunks don’t make you look thinner, either.” “I guess that’s true,” Rusty mumbled. “Thanks, Luka. To be honest, I’m glad I’m just doing it.” “Good attitude. It’s all about taking a chance.” “Come on,” Sammy yelled – he was back in the water all of a sudden. “Let’s keep playing!” “Hey,” another child voice suddenly yelled at us. We turned and saw a young girl, maybe a year or two younger than Sammy. “We’re playing some games over there,” she explained, pointing at a group a few meters away, apparently multiple families. “You want to join us?” “What do you think?” I asked and turned towards my companions. Rusty also turned away so he was standing sideways compared to the girl – something she didn’t miss, either. “First time?” she asked. Rusty nodded, embarassed. “I would be up for it,” Sammy said and thus drew the attention away from Rusty, who was certainly gratefuly for it. “Rusty?” I asked. Our companion nodded. “If you don’t want to, I can go on my own,” Sammy said. “Right, I’d stay with you, then. Wouldn’t want you to have to play alone.” “It’s alright,” Rusty said. “I’m coming along.” “Great!” the girl cheered and ran back to her group, with us in tow. “Are you sure this is OK with you?” I whispered to Rusty. “Well, it’s all or nothing, right?” Rusty and Sammy formed a team, while I joined a boy my age. Our semi-stepbrother didn’t stay much and pretty much only spoke with Sammy, but the two made for a remarkable capable team. It appeared as if Rusty was focusing on playing particularly well to distract himself from the unusual situation. But as long as it worked, I was completely fine with it. “Can I ask you something, Luka?” my partner, Paul, asked me after we had just finished a game of egg run. “Sure.” “I’m not quite sure what the deal with the three of you is. You and Sammy are brothers, I can tell that much, but Rusty doesn’t look like you at all, and he seems new to the whole nudism-thing.” “Right,” I said. Someone had been paying attention. “Rusty is our semi-maybe-stepbrother,” I explained, putting that last part into big air quotes. “Our dads are sitting over there. But Sammy and I have only known the two for a few days.” Paul looked to the ground, a little embarassed. “Ah, sorry. I didn’t want to overstep.” “It’s alright. We’re just a colorful bunch, now we just need to get to know each other a bit more.” “I can’t really keep up with that,” Paul said, scratching his head. “My family is as normal as it gets by comparison.” “You’re nudists. Not everyone does that. And isn’t that the great thing about it?” “What?” “That everyone is welcome among nudists?” “Right. That’s why my sister invited you.” “Oh, I hadn’t noticed that. I mean, who is related to and friends with whom.” Paul shook his head. “You couldn’t have known. But the idea to ask you over was all Vanessa’s.” I smiled. “Smart kid.” “Oh yes. But I’m sure you know how little siblings can be.” “Well, Sammy isn’t always easy to handle,” I admitted. “But I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world.” “Same with Vanii.” “Good,” I said, grinning. “I know a few who don’t appreciate their siblings. Sure, you argue from time to time, but when push comes to shove, you need to watch out for each other.” “That would be nice. But sadly it doesn’t always go like that.” “I know… might be different if Sammy wasn’t the only family member I’m actually related to.” “Oh… so your dad adopted you?” “Exactly.” “Oh… I thought, your dad was also divorced.” “No,” I said and looked the ground for a moment. I didn’t want to tell Paul everything right there and then, and he probably didn’t want to know most of it. Before one of us could speak up again, a whistle ripped us from our thoughts. The next game was about to begin. “Come on,” Paul said and gave me an assuring smile. “We don’t want to make things to easy for our whole, half and semi-maybe-stepsiblings, do we?” I grinned. “That would be the day.”

Chapter 6 - Holiday plans “Uh, Papa, are our vacation plans still on?" I was caught completely off guard. Sure, we had talked about our traditional summer beach vacation prior to the holidays, but to be honest, I had completely forgotten about it after all the excitement with Thomas and Rusty. But it was good to know that at least my brother wasn’t suffering from early-onset dementia. “Sierksdorf, right?” I asked. “Exactly. We’ll definitely be going, the question is whether or not Thomas and Rusty will be joining us,” Papa explained. “Well, the real question is if Rusty is coming along. I’d fully understand if he doesn’t want to and, and that would probably mean Thomas can’t join us either.” I could see Sammy’s expression changing – he was starting to blame himself again. “I hope it’s not on too short a notice for Rusty,” I said, hoping to draw Sammy out of his thoughts at least a little before he could lose himself in them. “I’d love to have the two along.” “I’ll pass that along,” Papa said, smiling at us. “But if not, the three of us will still have a good time.” “Seriously?” “I told you weeks ago that we might go on vacation with the three.” “Yeah, but that was before…” “Before what?” Rusty went silent. “Alright, do you just not want to go on vacation or do you just not want to go with those three?” “What if it’s a bit of both?” Thomas sighed. “If you really don’t want to go at all, I’ll speak with Mum and you can go over to her during that time.” “That’s not the point!” Rusty scared himself a little – he had gotten much louder than he had planned to. “I’d just hope that we’d have some time just for ourselves, you know?” he explained while his voice began to fail. Thomas, of course, realized that he had laid bare a sore spot and put an arm around his son. “I’m sorry, champ. I can’t blame you if you feel neglected since the separation.” Rusty didn’t reply, but suddenly snuggled up to his father. “But I bet Jona and the boys won’t mind if we split off and do our own things for a couple of days. How about that?” Rusty looked to the ground. “OK,” he mumbled. “But I’m taking my switch with me. And if I want to be alone, I mean it.” “Deal.” “But do you know if I’ll have my own room?” “When Jona invited me, I asked him to plan with you in mind to be safe. If Luka and Sammy share a room, which they’ll certainly do, you’ll definitely have a room for yourself.” “OK. But I don’t want to regret this!” “I hope so, too,” Thomas said as Rusty separated from him again. “Thanks, champ.” Alright, that should be all of it,” Papa groaned as he put down the last of the bags. Now all we had to do was wait for Thomas and Rusty – or we would’ve had to, if their car hadn’t entered our driveway mere moments later. Rusty was in the front passenger seat, but paid no attention to us when his father wound down the window. “Hey. You got everything?” “Yep,” Sammy replied before Papa even had the chance to do so. “Hey Rusty,” Papa greeted. “Great to have you along.” Rusty ignored him. I preferred not to know what was going through his head right now. “Hey, if the Switch is taking your breath, I’ll put it in the trunk,” Thomas said and gave his son that typical “you know that’s rude so stop it”-stare. “Hi Jona. Hi Sammy. Hi Luka,” Rusty muttered without looking about from the console. Thomas was visibly unsatisfied, but decided to leave it at that for now. “How should we do this?” Papa asked, glancing at the trunk of Thomas’ car. “I was thinking if we should put most of the luggage in one of the cars so the boys can sit together in the other.” “Well I’m not getting out,” Rusty decided. “Had to get up way too early.” “Right, you are so tired that you can play video games.” Rusty scowled at his father, who was unimpressed and turned to us. “Are you coming with us?” “Sure!” Sammy yelled and looked at me expectantly. “Alright, don’t want to throw a wrench in Papa’s great plan.” “Then take your backpacks with you, that way the consoles and snacks are already at the right place.” A few minutes later we had finished a rather unspectacular round of car-trunk-tetris and were seated behind our… could you call that stepbrother already? The son of our Papa’s boyfriend, anyway. “Smash?” Sammy askedd. “Alright,” Rusty mumbled. “Are you hosting?” “Alright.” This could be a long drive. “Alright, you two, I’ll need to pass on the next match,” I explained after demonstrating once again that big brothers always win. “I’m starting to get a little sick.” “Is something wrong?” Thomas asked. “I just can’t read a book or stare at a screen too long while in the car.” “I see. Maybe we can play something where I can participate while driving? Rusty, why don’t you grab the Black Stories from the glove compartment. Rusty didn’t respond, but bent forward as requested and retrieved a black box from the glove compartment. “You know the game?” “Sure.” “Then read the first card, Rusty.” “A man is standing in front of a red house, crying. Why?” Ouf. We spent some time guessing, but couldn’t make any headway. Nobody had died, there was no painter involved, the house didn’t even belong to the man. “Is there anything special about the house?” Thomas asked. Rusty thought for a moment. “You could say that.” “Is the house at a special place?” “You could say that, too.” “Does the street have a name?” I asked. That was a shot in the dark – even if the answer was yes, we would have to check every name individually, strictly speaking. “Yes.” That seemed to trigger a lightbulb-moment for Thomas. “Mayfair?” “Yes.” “Is the house a hotel?” “Yes.” “Alright, solved.” “Huh?” Sammy asked. “You’ve played Monopoly?” “Sure…” Sammy said, then grabbed his head. “Right, Mayfair.” “That was quite the moon logic,” I admitted while patting my bro on the shoulder. “There are worse ones,” Thomas explained. “There’s one about Romeo and Juliet.” “Didn’t they kill themselves?” I asked. My knowledge was a little limited when it came to Shakespeare-plays. “Right.” “Sounds easy.” “Sure, but they would still be alive if the window had been properly locked.” “Didn’t they poison themselves?” “Romeo did, yes. It’s helpful to know that Romeo and Juliet are fish in this story.” “What?” “Yep,” Rusty mumbled. “That one was simply dumb.” That sentence remained stuck in the air until I noticed the indicator lights on Papa’s car lighting up. “Thomas, I think Papa wants to drive onto that rest spot.” “I see it, but god catch.” “Good, cause I gotta go,” Sammy said. “Strange,” Rusty mumbled. “Huh?” “I thought you could go anywhere.” Thomas gave his son another stern glance, which was returned just as sternly this time. For the time I refrained from saying anything, but how long would this continue to go well? A few hours later we finally arrived, and after some waiting for the keys we could finally start unpacking. Rusty quickly secured the single bedroom for himself, leaving the other two-person bedroom for us. It was probably better that way. “Unpack the important stuff,” Papa said. “We’ll head into the nearest store and make dinner.” That was alright with us. Sammy looked pretty tired, and so was I to be honest. We quickly retreated to our room, but the door had barely closed when I suddenly found my bro desperately clinging to me. “He haes us,” he whispered. “Don’t say that.” “But it’s true! And it’s only because I blabbled.” Okay, now it was definitely time to intervene. I softly, but firmly grabbed my brother by the shoulders. “Samuel Ziegler, you stop this right now. Even it weren’t for us, do you really think he would be in a better mood? Just think about what Rusty has had to deal with lately. Of course he doesn’t know what to think about all of it.” Sammy looked at me, clearly in thought but still down. “And now cheer up, else I’ll be forced to tickle you until you do!” Sammy started to grin and stuck out his tongue. “No, you mustn’t.” If that wasn’t I challenge, I don’t know what was. “Of course, that’s called the big brother’s prerogative.” Before Sammy could react, I had grabbed him and carried him over to one of the beds, where he had to endure the terrors of tickles. “Man, that’s unfair!” he forced out as he caught his breath. “Come on, you get the little brother’s prerogative instead. “And what would that be?” “Well, you can try to wake me in the morning and are only punished with cuddles.” Sammy grinned. “Ah, and others would be properly punished?” “Others don’t try to wake me. Aside from Papa.” “Who you can always get to cuddle if you pretend that you can’t sleep otherwise. Now it was me who had to grin. “Come on, let’s unpack the rest.” We had noticed our dads return, but we didn’t come out of our rooms until we could smell dinner, lest our parents would get ideas about having us help. By the time we arrived, Rusty was already seated at the table, with our parents serving dinner shortly after. Tortellini with spinach. “Sounded like you were having fun,” Rusty mumbled, giving us the side-eye bevor turning to our dads. “I hope your room’s walls leave a little more up to the imagination.” I could practically see Thomas thinking of a response, but ultimately choosing against it. “I’m sorry. If we’re too loud again, just knock against the wall, OK?” I offered. Rusty’s expression actually changed a little. “It’s alright, it was only brief. The walls aren’t that thin, anyway.” “And our room doesn’t share any walls with your rooms, either,” Papa added, glancing over to me. Sometimes the proverbial olive branch did help. “Do we have any plans for tomorrow?” Rusty asked. “We thought we would start we a relaxed day at the beach.” “Cool, good thing I packed a pair of trunks.” “Oh…” Rusty gave Sammy a confused look. “Yes. Trunks. Or are you going in a swim diaper?” “Rusty!” Thomas exlaimed, but was ignored by his son.” No, but…” Sammy trailed off. “What?” Rusty asked, obviously ready for another confrontation with his Dad – and everyone who would dare enter the crossfire. “It’s a nudist beach,” Sammy mumbled. Rusty gave his Dad a threatening glare, then got up. “Getting better by the minute,” he hissed. Thomas looked after him for a moment. “Keep eating,” he mumbled, then he followed his son. Rusty had just thrown himself onto his bed and begun staring at the ceiling when someone knocked at the door. “What?” “Rusty, please. Can I come in?” Rusty groaned. “Alright.” His father didn’t have to be told twice and carefully sat down on the bed, next to his son. “Rusty…” “Dad, this can’t be it.” “You’re right.” Rusty gave his father an annoyed look. “Come on, you don’t mean what I mean.” “Right, I mean that didn’t leave out one opportunity to be hostile to the three of them. If you talked to them at all, that is.” “I’m not leaving out any opportunity? First you start meeting someone, then HIS kids are having themselves treated like babies, then we spend OUR vacation with them and tomorrow the five of us are supposed to go skinny dipping together?” Thomas sighed. “I know that’s a lot. But that’s not the real reason why you’re acting like this, is it?” Rusty didn’t reply, but his glancing to the floor revealed everything. “Champ, I get that you’re angry because your mother and I… especially I…” He went silent and put his arm around his son. “Listen, I’ll think of something for the next day, and we’ll spent at least that day together. Just the two of us.” “Promise?” “I promise. But please do me a favor. Be angry at me as much as you want, but please don’t let it out on the three.” Rusty nodded. “Come on. Maybe our dinner is still warm.” Even though Thomas had told us to keep eating, we had barely touched our plates since Rusty and Thomas had left the table. We were all the more relieved when the two came back a few minutes later. “Should we put your dinner in the microwave?” Papa asked. Thomas quickly checked the contents of his plate, then shook his head. “I think that’s okay.” “Alright. Rusty?” “Mine is still warm, too.” “Even better. I’m sorry if we surprised you there, but I can relieve you in one regard?” “Huh?” “The beach we’re going to is mixed,” Papa explained. “And even on pure nudist beaches, people are usually pretty understanding when kids your age remain dressed. It’s not like they don’t know that teens don’t want to be seen like that by everyone.” “But you’ll be naked, right?” Papa nodded. “That was something the three of us had to get used to when we started, but we had our reasons.” “And you, dad?” “I don’t know yet,” Thomas replied. “I’ll decide when we’re there.” Rusty thoughtfully looked at his plate. “Just eat for now. And don’t think about it too much. It won’t be as bad as you might think at the moment.” “I’ll see about that. Whether I want to or not. I definitely won’t be undressing there.” With those words he began to eat.

Chapter 5 - An unexpected hike Rusty barely spoke a word with us the next morning. And nobody was really willing to try and break the silence. Sometimes I wished I could look into other people’s heads, but I believed to know what Rusty’s thoughts had been revolving around since the last evening, and I couldn’t have done anything about it. I could only hope that everything would calm down once we met up with Thomas. After breakfast Papa sent us through the bathroom – we let Rusty go first, though, which gave Sammy the opportunity to pull me to the side. “This is my fault, isn’t it?” he asked. “I really thought he already knew, so I didn’t think about it, and…” I put my hands on my brother’s shoulders. “Sammy, Rusty isn’t much older than you. Thomas took it quite well, but Rusty is just overwhelmed. The best thing we can do right now is give him some space. I’m sure Thomas will sort it out.” Sammy nodded, but I knew him too well. He was quick to blame himself when something went wrong. The same went for me, but I was a few years ahead in terms of experience when it came to recognizing if it was truly at fault. I pulled Sammy into my arms and hugged him tightly. “Everything will be okay,” I whispered. I was the last to get through the bathroom. By the time I emerged from it, Rusty and Sammy were both sitting at the dining table with their backpacks ready. “Here!” Sammy exclaimed and passed me my own backpack. “Where are we going?” “We’re going for a hike,” Papa replied. “Oh, goody,” the voice of Scar echoed through my head. Rusty rolled his eyes, but I was the only one to notice. I couldn’t hold it against him – even without that bombshell from yesterday, I could think of better ways to spend the holidays marching through some random forests. I wondered where the idea had come from to begin with? To be honest, I didn’t like either of the two options. “Rusty, do you want the front seat?” Papa asked. That was apparently meant as a small peace offering. Rusty nodded. Minutes later Sammy and I got comfortable in the back seats while Papa entered the adress into his phone. I spent the next hour absently staring out of the window and rethink the past 16 hours. There had to have been a better way to let Rusty in on the secret without scaring him off… Suddenly Sammy started excitedly tapping my shoulder. I hadn’t paid attention to the route or where we ended up, but if I read the phone correctly we were almost at our destination – and it was the exact opposite of a calm forest. “I thought we were going for a hike?” I asked. “Of course we are,” Papa said, laughing. “You can hike through a theme park, can’t you?” One thing that always caught my eye in theme parks was that many kids, even ones my age, would all of a sudden willingly walk hand in hand with their parents. Sammy and I were no exception, but Rusty also joined up with Thomas once we had found him. As if there was some kind of unwritten agreement that it’s completely acceptable to act more childishly at such places. “Sammy?” I whispered. “Yeah?” “Are you still diapered?” “Yes, why?” “Ok, I think it would be better if you used the bathroom anyway. The last thing we need right now is an accident in Rusty’s presence, even if nobody else notices.” Sammy nodded. “Everything will be fine,” I whispered to him before we rejoined the group. “I want to ride the Black Mamba!” Sammy announced. I have no idea if my little bro is actually that fearless or just an adrenaline junkie. On the other hand, we had both seen hell from the inside, and with a big brother like me he could naturally afford to be fearless. “Oh, I don’t think I’m brave enough for that,” Thomas said, chuckling. “Colorado is the most I’ll ride, too,” Papa said. I began to suspect where this was going. “I think the queue will terribly long,” Rusty noted. “I can wait alone.” “Sure, but maybe we shouldn’t spread out too much,” Papa said. “At least not right away.” “Maybe we should?” I suggested. “Is there a ride one of us wants to go on, but Sammy doesn’t?” “Talocan?” Sammy asked. I shook my head. Loopings and high speeds were one thing, but I really didn’t need to be swung around like that. Even if I didn’t have to throw up myself, there was still the chance of it happening to someone next to you. Brrr! “If the queue isn’t too long, we could sit down somewhere until Sammy’s back,” Thomas suggested. “And if it is, we could see if the opportunity arises later. We’ll be here for a while, after all.” Always focused on solutions. Thomas was really starting to grow on me. But I really shouldn’t be surprised that Papa had good taste in men, my memories of Simon were exclusively positive as well, even if we didn’t have much time with him. As it turned out, the Black Mamba queue wasn’t that long. It only took about 20 minutes for Sammy to return grinning from ear to ear, if a little more pale than before. “If only the Slush-stands didn’t attract all of these bees,” Rusty cursed while he was watching the insects from our table a safe distance away. “I’m just glad it’s not wasps,” I said. “Those pests are the worst.” “True that,” Rusty mumbled. “I would be up for a Slush,” Sammy suggested. “Should I get some for you, too?” I shook my head – I didn’t like the stuff too much, on the other hand, I was one of those weird people who weren’t into chewing gum, either. I didn’t mind my classmates chewing at school, some of our teachers even allowed us to do that, but I had no patience for those who would just stick it under the table. Disgusting! “I’m good with my fries,” Rusty explained and turned to his lunch. “OK, could you watch my food for me, Luki?” “Sure, but hurry up, else I might get even more hungry after I’m done with my own fries.” “Don’ you dare,” Sammy giggled and disappeared towards the Slush-stand. The remainder of the visit passed without major incident, but sadly Rusty remained completely unreadable for me. Maybe he even avoided us on purpose, on the other hand I didn’t want to make him talk about things he might be uncomfortable with in public. Our ways parted in the evening. After we had said our goodbyes, Sammy and I sleazed onto the backseat of Papas car – even if we hadn’t gone for an actual hike, our legs had earned a break. Tired as I was I didn’t notice until we arrived back at home that Sammy’s formerly happy attitude had vanished, and it wasn’t because of exhaustion. “I’m sorry, Papa,” he whispered as we stepped out of the car. Both Papa and I turned towards him, alarmed. “What are you sorry about?” Papa asked. “I ruined it. If I hadn’t blabbed yesterday…” “Sammy, everything’s alright,” Papas whispered and pulled my brother into a hug. “Sooner or later Rusty would’ve noticed anyway, assuming he visited us more often. It’s a small miracle that Benny never asked any questions about that door. Thomas and I will keep and eye on the matter, but even if things don’t work out between him and me, that would be entirely our fault – neither yours, Luka’s or Rusty’s. Understood?” “Yes, but…” “No buts, Sammy. It’s not your fault, and I don’t want you or anyone else to talk you into beleving that, okay?” Sammy nodded and wiped a tear from his face. Papa took his hand, and I took the other. With Sammy between us we entered the house, where he was told to take a shower. While Papa put my brother to bed, I entered the bathroom and rinsed the sweat of the day off my body. There had to be a solution. I couldn’t blame Rusty for being put off and probably not thinking all that much of us, but if only we could show him that despite everything, we’re still quite normal people… A loud knock on the bathroom door ripped me from my thoughts. “Luki?” Papa asked through the door. “Yes?” “Could you please come see me when you’re done in there?” “OK!” A few minutes later I had dried myself off, and after a short pit stop in my room I made my way to the dining room, where Papa was already seated at the table. He gestured to one of the empty chairs and I joined him. “Are you alright with all this?” Papa asked. I had to smile – the thing he worried about the most was still us, and I would always be grateful for that. “Sure. Thomas is super nice, and Rusty is, too.” “Yes…” Something had to be up. “Papa, what’s wrong?” “Luki, do you think Rusty will accept it?” “Accept what? That you and his dad are together or that Sammy and I wear diapers?” “Both.” “I don’t know. I hope so.” “Me too…” Papa whispered. “I know what I told Sammy, and I meant that, but I couldn’t hold it against Rusty if he pressured Thomas. And I couldn’t blame Thomas if push comes to shove and he chooses his son, like I would with you.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. That really isn’t your problem, and I shouldn’t make it your problem, either.” “Papa, the three of us only have each other. Let me help you.” “No. I’m your dad, and that means I care for you, not the other way around. You’ll have plenty of adult problems to worry about when you grow up.” “But that doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself.” “Of course, and I know that I can always rely on you. Just as I know that you both still blame yourselves for things beyond your control quite often. Which is why you have one assignment to worry about first and foremost.” “I take care of myself.” Papa nodded, satisfied by my answer. “Don’t worry too much, big guy. I’ll speak with Thomas, but it’s good to know you’re still feeling okay. And I think Sammy is more worried about this thing failing than he is about it succeeding.” He got up. “Sammy is already in the crib. If you want you can join him later, but don’t stay up too much longer.” “Papa?” “Yes, big guy?” “Can you tuck me in?” Papa smiled at me. “Always.” He took me by the hand and led me into my room – since Sammy might have been sleeping already, we moved the changing procedure onto my bed. After I was diapered for the night, Papa put one of my onesies on me – it was definitely too warm for more than that – and took me to the door of the room. “Sweet dreams, big guy,” he whispered and kissed me on the cheek. I snuck into the room – I could find my way around it even without much light – and joined Sammy in the crib. After my pacifier including the chain was clipped into place, I snuggled up to my brother and followed him into the land of dreams. “You still owe me answers,” Rusty growled. “Answers to what?” “You know what I mean! You know what was going on and didn’t tell me!” “I don’t spill your secrets, either.” “You still could’ve warned me that I was headed into a freakshow!” Before Rusty could begin his next sentence, the car stopped quite abruptly. Rusty glanced over to his father in surprise, as he had hit the brakes much stronger than necessary to stop at the traffic light. “I did not raise you to judge people like that. And neither did your mother.” “Keep Mum out of this,” Rusty hissed. The traffic light switch back to green. Moments later the car continued on it’s way. “Do you think that’s fair, Rusty. You have a rough idea about the kids I used to work with. Every single one of those kids has been through things you’ll hopefully never have to experience – that doesn’t make them freaks. So please tell me one thing: Were Luka or Sammy mean to you at any point?” Rusty lowered his head. “No, they weren’t.” “So what’s your problem. Yes, the two often wear diapers. But nobody will force you to do the same. I don’t think the two will rub it in your face just to annoy you, either. I have no doubt it’s unusual, that goes even for me, and I have seen a lot more coping strategies than you. But if you had been through just half of what those two had to go through, and wearing diapers would help you feel safe, you could take any bet that I’d support it. As long as it doesn’t disturb or hurt anyone else, anything would be fine for me.” Rusty closed his eyes, then looked out of the passenger window in shame. “I’m sorry, Dad.” Thomas sighed. “No, I’m sorry. That right there, I shouldn’t have done that.” “It’s just all too much for me.” “No doubt about that, and you have a right to feel that way. But please try to understand that I really have feelings for Jona.” “And Mum?” “What about her?” “Did you really love her? Or did you just pretend so nobody notices you like men?” Thomas sighed once again. “I know why you’re asking. And I have asked myself the same question. But I’ve come to the conclusion that my feelings for your mother were real. I don’t regret having been married to her, or having had you with her.” “So you’re bi?” “I don’t think much of such categories. All I know is that I want to be with Jona. And I’ll do all I can so you can get along with him and his boys.” Rusty glanced over the passing terrain. “And if that isn’t possible?” he asked. “I want to believe it’s possible.”

Chapter 4 - The boy with the rust-brown hair One of the advantages that came with sleeping in your own bed is that you don’t have to get up when the others do. And let’s be honest, what else are the holidays for than sleeping in? I mean, aside from gaming for hours on end, doing fun stuff on weekends when most people are at work, and being lazy in general? Unfortunately this advantage was often negated by having a very active little brother. “Luki, get up,” a voice said, ripping me from my dreams. I squinted a little to find my alarm clock. 8 AM. Way too early to get up on a holiday. I put my arms out and pulled the little troublemaker into my bed. “Luki wants to sleep,” I mumbled. “Sammy good plushy.” Sammy giggled, but surrendered to his fate. “Can I at least have a bit of the blanket?” For waking me? Strictly speaking, I was already being too nice by pulling him into bed to begin with! But I didn’t want to entirely without mercy, so I spread my blanket to cover my brother as well. Papa made no attempt to wake us today. Probably because we had been up late for the last two days. Additionally, yesterday had been pretty nerve-wracking, even if all had turned out well. At some point Sammy really didn’t want to sleep anymore and clearly believed that this meant I had to get up as well. Fifteen minutes later we were just about to finish eating breakfast when Papa cam into the dining room. “Hey boys. Sleep well?” We both nodded – in my case because I still had my mouth full, and as you should know, you’re not supposed to talk with your mouth full. “I was going to get up much sooner, but this sleepyhead just forced me to cuddle with him!” “Come on, you did not even struggle,” I replied, laughing. “You’re like one of the meat-eating plants! Except you don’t eat your victims, you just cuddle them!” “Please, I’m way more picky. Anyone else wouldn’t have been pulled into my bed, but thrown out of the windows.” “That would’ve required you to get up,” Papa pointed out. Shoot. I knew there was a catch with my plan! “Should we talk about last evening?” I glanced over to Sammy, but he seemed calm. “I felt like you were getting on with Thomas quite nicely, but I want to be sure.” “I think he’s nice,” I said. “You have my blessing.” “Mine, too,” Sammy added. “If his son likes Minecraft, too, we might have to increase the slots on our server.” Papa smiled. “I’m sure that can be arranged. But I’m glad my impression was right. I was a little worried that you only played along to be polite. But under these circumstances, we can move on to the next step.” “What would that be?” I asked. “I would meet Thomas’ son this evening. If things go as well as yesterday, the five of us would spend some time together during the week.” “So we don’t have to do anything for now?” Sammy asked. “Right. You’ve done your part. I just hope that things will go that well for Thomas, too.” Papa smiled at us. “Thanks, boys. You don’t know how much that means to me.” The next morning went similary. Unfortunately we hadn’t seen Papa after he had left to meet Thomas yesterday – I guess that’s the reward for being good and going to bed at a normal time for once. Accordingly, Sammy and I were quite eager to learn what happened. “How did it go?” Sammy asked excitedly. “Decent, all things considered.” “That doesn’t sound good,” I noted. “The boy is nice. I’m sure you’ll get along with him. I just think he doesn’t like me. Thomas believes he still hasn’t arranged himself with his orientation.” I ran this through my mind for a moment. It had never been a big deal for Sammy and me that two men were supposed to care for us all of a sudden. But Papa being gay hadn’t been much of an issue ever since Simon’s death. Our friends at school knew that Papa wasn’t our biological father, but only because naturally, there would eventually be questions regarding our mother. But of course, for that boy it had to be a major change – the divorce first, and now his dad had a new partner, a man at that. “And what happens now?” I asked. “The boy will be coming over tomorrow, spend the night here and then we’ll meet with Thomas tomorrow for a mutual trip.” “I’m curious,” Sammy said. “I just hope he’ll get along with you, if not with me,” Papa sighed. I nodded to Sammy, then we both wrapped our arms around him. “It will be alright, Papa,” Sammy whispered. Papa pulled us closer. “Thanks, boys,” he whispered back. The rest of the day came and went. Thomas’ son was supposed to arrive in the early noon, so we prepared to receive him. Around half past eleven the time had come and the doorbell rang. Sammy and I dashed into the entrance corridor. “Come in,” I heard Papa say. Shortly afterwards he emerged from the entrance, followed by a slightly chubby boy with reddish-brown hair. “Those are Luka and Samuel. Boys, this is Russell.” “Hi,” I said and held out my hand. Russell hesitantly shook it, then the process repeated with Sammy. “Where am I supposed to leave my bag?” Russell asked. “You can just put it down right here for now,” Papa replied. “Are you hungry?” Russell shook his head. “I just need to go to the bathroom.” I quickly gestured the way and he disappeared. “And now?” Sammy asked. “I think we should let him decide,” I replied. Papa nodded approvingly. A few minutes later, Russell returned to us. “Should we go to my room or should we show you the area first?” I asked. Russell shrugged. “If there’s something to see here, I guess. But fresh air would be good, some alcoholic vomited all over the train.” “OK, just give us a moment to put on our shoes.” Before I had even finished the sentence, Sammy had run into the corridor. A few moments later we were ready to got and left the house. “You’ve got an unusual name,” Sammy noted after we had spent the first few minutes in silence. “Did my Dad not tell you that he’s half-American?” I shook my head. “I see,” our companion said. “But nobody calls me Russell, anyway. Usually just Rusty.” “Similar with me,” Sammy explained. “Most don’t even know that I’m called Samuel – unless a substitute teacher calls our names from the list.” “The name is nice,” I said. “Rusty? I guess.” “You don’t sound happy about it,” I noted. Rusty sighed. “I’m often teased about my name.” “How?” Sammy asked. “You know Pokemon, right?” “Sure,” we both replied. “There’s that parody of it, Pokemon Rusty. About the dumbest Pokemon-Trainer in the world.” “OK, and you’re being compared to him?” “I wish. Thing is, Rusty is the original name. There is a german dub of it, and that one is named Pokemon Spasti. At some point some at school found both and sent them around. Since then I’m Rusty the Spasti for many, or just Spasti.” “That’s tough,” Sammy noted. “I guess I was lucky with Sammy’s Super Sandwich.” “Yeah, that was a bad time,” I agreed. “Not sure what I hate more. Spasti or Rüssel.” “Rüssel?… oh.” “Yeah, oh. Very creative, isn’t it?” “Just remember, there’s always idiots around, and that’s apparently the best they can come up with,” I said. “Except that I’m a fatty,” Rusty mumbled. “And my hair color. And sometimes even that my parents are divorced. “Excuse me? That’s something to bully someone over these days? It’s not like divorces are rare.” “Never happened to you?” Rusty asked, visibly surprised. “Our parents aren’t divorced.” “Oh…” Rusty turned pensive. “I thought your dad was divorced, too.” “No, his partner, our other Papa, passed away, shortly after we were placed with them,” I exlained. Rusty seemed to think of another question, but then dropped the matter. “I like the name,” Sammy said. “And you aren’t fat, either. The others are just being dumb.” I nodded approvingly. “And the best idiots are the ones that rub it in your face.” “Thanks,” Rusty mumbled. After a short walk through the neighborhood we returned into my room. Rusty was given a brief tour of your Minecraft server, but since we needed something for three players, Smash quickly became our game of choice. Have I mentioned that Sammy is a pretty annoying Sonic-main? “Super Sonic Style,” the speakers sounded. “Sonic’s new final smash is really crappy,” Rusty noted while effortlessly dodging with Link. “Super Sonic is great,” Sammy said. “Exactly, and this final smash isn’t,” I explained. “It wasn’t particularly strong before, but at least you could do something about it if you were skilled. That right there is just garbage.” “I still won’t leave the Smash Balls to you,” Sammy giggled while he tried another attack on me. Luckily, Sammy is pretty predictable, so he ran right into my Lucario-counter. “You’re not half bad, either,” I noted glancing over to Rusty. “I had Smash for 3DS,” he said. “But the save file broke at some point and then I lost interest.” “That sucks,” I replied. Rusty didn’t let me distract and grabbed the next Smash Ball. Moments later Sammy’s Sonic was caught and defeated by a Triforce-Tornado. Sammy put down his controller and watched as I grabbed Link and threw him out of the level. Shortly afterwards, the game declared me the victor. “I need more practice,” Rusty noted. “I usually play against bots.” “Anytime,” I offered. Sammy did the same. Dinner was pretty uneventful – Rusty was still keeping to himself much of the time, but Sammy and I tried to keep conversations going without overwhelming him. “Where am I going to sleep?” our guest suddenly asked. “Either Luka or I could sleep in the crib, then you could take the other bed,” Sammy suggested. “Crib?” Sammy froze. “Oh…” “What, oh?” Sammy helplessly glanced over to Papa. “I didn’t tell him, and Thomas apparently didn’t either.” “Didn’t tell me what?” Rusty inquired. I took a deep breath. This was probably not going to be easy. “We have a third room where someone could sleep,” I explained. “Then what’s the problem,” Rusty asked. I got up and gestured for Rusty to follow me. We briefly stopped in front of the room, then I opened the door and let him enter. Rusty looked around for about half a minute before breaking his silence. “What the…” he mumbled. “Honestly, I don’t know how to explain this to you without going really far back,” I said. “Long story short, this is a retreat for Sammy and me.” “My dad knows about it?” Rusty asked. I nodded. “He asked us to show him when he was here.” “Rusty,” Papa interrupted, him and Sammy having appeared in the door frame. “I can imagine that this is strange for you, and that you have many questions. Much of it will become clear to you once you learn more about Luka’s and Sammy’s past. But I don’t want to get ahead of them. I just want to ask you not to judge prematurely.” Rusty didn’t respond, instead inspecting the changing table for a moment, then the bedding caught his eye. “Pokemon-bedding,” he noted. “That changes regularly,” I explained. “We’ve got everything from Paw Patrol to Pokemon.” “If you want, I’ll sleep here and you can sleep in my bed,” Sammy offered. Rusty shook his head. “I don’t like to sleep in other people’s beds,” he said. “I’ll take the couch if you don’t have a proper spare bed.” “Alright,” Papa replied. “But we can take the bedding from here, right?” Rusty nodded and took a closer look at the crib. “Is that a baby monitor?” he asked. Sammy nodded. “For when I have nightmares.” “I see.” With these words Rusty grabbed the blanket and pillow and headed into the corridor. I quickly followed him. “You don’t have to sleep hier if that’s too much for you,” I said. “If dad knew about it, he’ll hardly come and pick me up just because of that,” Rusty replied. Was he sure about that? I couldn’t imagine Papa making Sammy and me sleep over at Thomas’ if we didn’t feel comfortable there. “If you change your mind, you can wake me anytime, then we’ll switch places.” “Thanks for the offer,” Rusty mumbled. A bit alter Rusty’s bag had been moved into the living room – Sammy retreated to his own room while Rusty turned on the TV and was apparently chatting with someone on the phone. I helped Papa with the dishes and wondered if I should join Rusty for a bit afterwards, but it didn’t feel like he wanted to have company right now. “Good night, Rusty,” I said. Rusty didn’t even look up from his phone. “Good night,” he mumbled. "Did you know?" Dad: "About what?" "You know!" Dad: "If you mean the room, yes, I knew." Dad is typing… Dad: "Jona told me beforehand. But I didn’t tell you because that would not have been fair toward Sammy and Luka." "*_*" Dad: "Rusty, you know where I used to work. But I certainly didn’t tell you everything. Luke and Sammy might tell you more, then you’ll understand what it’s about." "Do I want to know?" Dad: "That’s up to you. But do you think you can accept it without knowing why?" "Accept what? That you sent me to three freaks!?" Rusty’s finger hovered over the send-button, then went over to delete. "I don’t know..." Dad is typing Papa: "If you want we can talk about it tomorrow." "OK." Papa: "I love you, champ. Don’t stay up much longer." "Love you, too." Rusty continued to watch TV for a while, but he just couldn’t focus on the program. “Ya couldn’t just get yourself a normal girlfriend, could ya?” he thought, seething, but then stopped himself. Jona had done nothing to him, aside from just happening to be the one his father had to fall in love with. And Luka and Sammy had also been really nice to him. But it didn’t change anything. His family was destroyed – if this relationship was successful, irrevocably. And then the new guy had to have kids with such a secret, because of course not. Were those supposed to end up becoming his stepbrothers? A part of him was willing to do anything to prevent that. But that would require hurting his dad – or live primarily with his mother in the future, and leave his father to Luka and Sammy. Both were out of the question. But so was acting like nothing irregular had happened today.