Thanks everyone for the kind welcome! Here's a way too wordy ramble about my thoughts and how I got here, plus an update on how things are going so far:
First of all, I'm realizing that Incontinent Desires might not have been the right spot for my thread, but here we are! Absolutely no offense meant to those who do actively untrain! I'm sure I'll continue fantasizing about it, but that's too big of a step for me at the moment. I've decided that for now I owe it to myself and my friends and family to try to be the healthiest that I can be. I plan to make an appointment with a doctor to see if this might have a more troubling underlying cause or if I might be able to alleviate my symptoms with something simple that I should be doing anyway like changing my diet. I've had some unpleasant hospital experiences though, and anything invasive is off the table.
On the other hand, my decision to go 24/7 absolutely stands right now. I have a diaper kink, but I made this choice because I can't make it to the toilet consistently. And even though I'm open to finding a solution for my incontinence, I'm not super hopeful. This has literally always been an issue for me. It's just more pronounced now than it's been since I was about 16.
When I was a kid, my incontinence was mainly of the #1 variety with a little bit of #2 thrown in to spice things up. These days, it's the opposite. I still deal with the same basic issue, which is that the signal to go often doesn't come until right before I need to go. In recent years I've mainly kept myself in situations where the bathroom was right there. If that wasn't possible, I would put on some padding if I could (which will be all the time now!) and/or closely watch what I ate and drank. From there, I would just have to hope. If I have to pee, I seem to have gotten better at actually holding it, but I have to go a lot, and it's painful and anxiety-inducing the entire time. And it's still not perfect if there isn't a bathroom right there or if I have to climb stairs to get to it. When I have issues with my bowels, I deal with the same things as my bladder, but I've gotten worse at holding it. Normally this only results in a small accident before the big show happens on the toilet, but sometimes it all comes out at once. I also have extremely sudden "micro accidents" where I know something came out of me out of nowhere, but it's practically imperceptible. On bad days I end up running to the bathroom for #2 so often that my bladder issues are almost nonexistent because I'm peeing on the toilet so often. It's wild to think that just a few years ago, as long as I kept to a strict bathroom schedule, I was able to work in a pool! It was still very difficult if I felt ill, and I had to take a number of sick days for that reason.
So I guess diapers for me are part physical need and part psychological need. In a lot of situations, I can still likely get away with regular underwear. The problem is that I don't always know when I will need them, and it's getting to be more frequent and more unpredictable. On top of that, while I'm sure that a pullup will serve my needs for the vast majority of accidents, if the toilet isn't immediately accessible then there's a chance that a pullup won't be enough, and if I'm not confident that I'm properly protected, I can't be comfortable with myself. The end result is that I'm gearing up for what some might consider overkill for the issues I'm having, but I'm sure you can all appreciate the fact that I'd rather be safe than sorry!
After I posted the other day, I went out to Rite Aid and got a pack of the generic overnight underwear to hold me over until my order arrived. I took a mental health/bladder and bowel health day yesterday, and I was able to stay clean and dry all day! Being able to run to a toilet at a moment's notice definitely helps. Today I went back to work, and things went well. I put on my last Trest this morning, and I was able to get down to business with no worries. I can already see a future where I'm far more productive and comfortable in my job. I've set a goal for myself to limit my bathroom breaks to my actual break times. That worked out pretty well today. I haven't been very hungry for the past couple of days, so there wasn't much for my bowels to do. I also didn't keep myself as hydrated as I should have. Something I need to work on, but I'll give myself a pass today for being nervous. Anyway, one tiny leak in each direction, but other than that I was able to hold out until my breaks. Now that I've started eating more again and I realize that I can't and don't have to keep myself dehydrated, I suspect that the number of accidents will be higher going forward.
On the personal front, I told my best friend (we'll call her "S") what's going on, and she was amazingly supportive! I didn't go into as much detail as I did here, but I told her that I've always dealt with incontinence, that it's been getting worse, and that I've decided I need to wear protection all the time. I often stay at her house, and we have a group of friends we sometimes go on trips with, so I felt that it was best to let her in on my secret. Not only will it be easier to hang out at S's place without sneaking around, but you just never know when you might need a friend who can cover for you in a tight spot. To my surprise, not only was S down with that, she was suggesting other ways to help too! She offered to keep a stash of emergency supplies in her car for me as well as in her guest bedroom. I was so happy I cried. She was a little nervous for me, and she encouraged me not to give up. Part of me sees that as her not fully understanding my journey that led to this decision. To be fair, I apparently managed to keep my issues a secret from her until we talked, so how could she understand? And S is my absolute favorite person. If she tells me to try my best to maintain my continence, I will do my best because she's my protector, and if she thinks I can do something there's at least part of me that thinks maybe I can.
I also wanna talk about my starter stash! I already had baby powder, wipes, and Desitin, plus a diaper pail and those Rite Aid pullups I got while I waited for Northshore to send me the good stuff. Today I got 1 pack each of the Supremes, GoSupremes, and MegaMax Air, plus 1 pack of their disposal bags and a Trifecta. The GoSupremes are for when I can get to the bathroom right away and I want to wear something more discreet. The MegaMax Air are a new purchase for me. I'm hoping to use these as my work diaper. Something absorbent, with full coverage, that won't sound too loud on the phone if I fidget, and that I can easily refasten if I do manage to make it to the toilet. Basically, these are my "I might not be able to get to a toilet for a while" diapers. Long car rides, concerts, theme parks, and bon fires are other potential uses I foresee. The Supremes are for night time. I lay on my side, and that is the only diaper other than the Trest that has never failed me on my side. For now the Trifecta is going to be for night as well. I tried it on as soon as it arrived, and while it's comfy, it's cut more generously than I expected, and if I get another one I might size down for daytime use. Other products on my radar include washable bed pads, a diaper cream applicator so I don't get Desitin all over my hands, and Tena Flex Supers and Maxis. I'm always open to other suggestions from the experts!