LittleFallenPrincess

You literally accused me of misandry. I understand your actual meaning but that isn't misandry and words are important. I don't want to scare you off or anything but can you understand why it would hurt me to be called something I'm not?

I'm sorry but you can't just accuse me of being a misandrist then expect me to not argue back. Misandry - dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men (i.e. the male sex). Just because I write SAPPHIC novels and focus the majority of the novel on the two to three main female characters, doesn't mean I dislike/hate, have contempt for, or are prejudiced against men. I have plenty of female side characters I don't develop much. Just like I have plenty of male ones that aren't as developed. Yes, the main characters get the most character development, and yes the main characters happen to be women (whether that's cis or trans). All my side characters get little development compared to the main characters, both the male and the female ones. Do I have a bias towards writing female characters? Yes. I write sapphic novels. Because the majority of stories are written for men. They are majority heterosexual stories written for heterosexual people. So I write what I know best, and what is sorely lacking, sapphic stories. I don't want to write stories about men, there are so many stories about them that you can go and read. Sapphic novels tend to focus on the women. The majority of my character development will go to the main characters. The side characters (which includes other women) will get little to none, unless there's something special about that character that I really enjoy writing about. Think about all my stories, and all the female characters who are just side characters and don't get as much development as the main character (that includes this story). The majority of my villains are female. You skipped over my diaper dimension stories, which means you missed out on meeting some more developed male characters. My monstrum series had male characters that you forgot about. And even Ollie and Rowan in this. So you can call my focus on the female main characters a bias. But it is not misandry and it is pretty obvious as to why I have a focus on women, considering they are sapphic novels. So I would appreciate you not accusing me of things until you know exactly what you're talking about.

Please understand that yesterday my headache was at it's worst when I was trying to make my argument, and I'm already not good at putting my points across, so if I came across as misandrist or sexist, I apologise, I definitely didn't mean to. However, to say that my 'misandry shows in my writing' I think is a bit unfair, and honestly hurt me a lot, and I genuinely don't know how you feel that from my other stories. I have a variety of characters throughout my thirteen stories, a lot of them male and a lot of them who I'm really proud of and love. But let's take this story for example. Like I said, it's from the point of view of Noah. So we only see Elysium and the other characters through her eyes. And Noah, like myself, wouldn't even attempt to remember names or find out anything about the other group if they're allowing a sexist, homophobic thug like Jack into their group and yelling insults. I knew groups of these types of guys growing up, and I would stay away from them and not even bother to get to know them, not when a friendlier, more approachable group of friends were available. I made the comment about reverting to high school behaviours because they are literally going through a regression program, so they are going to be behaving a little more childish than they had previously, and back in high school there were clear groups that avoided each other. And remember, this is from Noah's perspective, so we don't learn what is causing them to act out. It could be anything from their upbringing, their social links, etc. I 100% agree that there will be more to them, that at the moment they are just this nameless collective of 'thugs'. But again, we don't learn of this because it's not from the perspective of one of them, or from one of the Nannies. If it was a Nanny's POV, then I'm sure we'd go into how they attempt to heal troubled childhoods or try to find out why they act like this. I never said they can't learn, can't grow. Spoiler... they do learn, they do grow. But right now, they haven't had the kick up the backside that they need to realise why they act the way they do. And remember, this is the fifth year of Elysium in total, meaning that they've had two years graduate before this, so that's 12 guys who have become better people and moved on to live their lives, happier. Some years will be easier than others, some years they may get six boys who merge together, don't interact with the rest, and resist (current year 3). Some years (like Noah's), they get 3 who adapt to the program (Noah/Ollie/Rowan) and 3 who don't (Jack, Frankie and Harry). It's not that they can't change, it's that sometimes it takes some people longer, especially if influenced by other strong personalities and friend groups. Ollie probably would've befriended Jack if it wasn't for Noah and Rowan's influence. Maybe there's a strong negative influence in the third year boy's group. We don't know because Noah has no interest in learning about them. We also don't know what happened in the previous two years that graduated, they could have had resistant girls who acted out and then have boys who adapted well. Again, all this is only known from the perspective of Noah, so we have limited information because of his fear of those types of guys. We aren't even half way through the story yet. There are some major events coming up (that I have now just spoiled by letting you know that they are happening just to prove my point) that will shake things up. There's even one male character who will change a lot throughout this (that isn't Noah). Just remember, this is all about perspective. You haven't been given all of the information yet, there is still a lot to happen in the story (like I've said before, this is my 2nd longest story I've written), and I never said people can't change. It just takes some people longer than others, depending on influences and their lives and personalities. It just so happens that this group of boys are difficult to handle right now. Key words being right now. So yes, for now, they are just nameless background characters. For a good reason.

Chapter 29: Therapy Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- “So… Noah…” “Yeah?” I looked over at Joy and felt ridiculous. But then I always did whenever I had therapy. Because she insisted that I be placed and strapped into a giant version of those bouncy baby chair things. You know the ones, where a baby lays in it and it's like a big hammock thing that can bounce gently? Look, being the youngest in the family… I don’t know much about babies. Most of my terms I’ve picked up from Elysium actually. Though seeing as Ella and I are the only ones doing this actual therapy and not just check-in sessions… we’re the only ones using them. And Ella has no idea what to call it either. But hey, whatever it’s called… It was rather comfortable. And I did feel rather small and babyish whilst laying in it… which I guess is the point. She’s trying to get us to feel comfortable and safe around her, how much more safe could we feel than being able to regress mentally? “I want to discuss what you said last time,” she started. Last time? I… can’t remember what happened at the last session. That was last year! Yes… I’m hilarious. It was last month, but also it was technically when I was in the first year, and now I’m in the second. Ha. Ha. Noah… you’ve done it again… sooooo funny… I sighed internally as I began hating myself for making that joke. Even if it was even in my own head. “What about it?” I asked, making it as vague as possible, hoping she’d recap it so I didn’t have to ask and appear oblivious. “About your thoughts.” “What… oh… those thoughts.” I sat there in silence, realising what she wanted to talk about. We had gotten up to some serious discussion last session… but then the whole moving up a year and new people and new nursery and everything kinda just pushed all thoughts of therapy to the back of my mind. If I remember… she had asked me if there was anything I wanted to live for, rather than reasons I want to die. All because I had done the silly thing of being honest with her. I mean sure, I did tell her on day one that I would be honest with people here. But I had avoided talking about my wish to die for the past year. It was mostly just weekly sessions about the issues causing my wish to die, going into depth about my childhood, my Mum, my Dad, school… relationships… and then that kinda moved onto relationships within Elysium. All the new friends I had made. Though I purposefully stayed quiet about the whole ‘possible three romantic interests’ thing, as not only did I not want to be a bother to Ella or Ollie… but mostly because I was worried Ceres would get in trouble or things would get awkward and she’d have to stop being my Nanny in here. And that’s one thing that would break the flimsy dam holding back my depression and my suicidal tendencies… Sure, the other Nannies are lovely… but Ceres… She was special. I don’t think I would’ve agreed to any of this if it was any of the other Nannies, as nice as they are. “Yes sweetie, those thoughts. The ones I’ve noticed you’ve been avoiding for a while.” “Ah… so you noticed…” Gosh… I felt awkward at this moment now. “Yes, you don’t hide them as well as you think, hun. But now we really need to get into those thoughts. We know what brought them on. Your mother’s passing, your Dad being… well…” “A dick?” “Your words… but yes, in my professional opinion… he’s a dick,” she said, smiling at me. I giggled back at her. She was always good at making me smile. Aptly named I guess. Joy looked at me with that same smile on her face. “So… Noah… do you still want to end your life?” This… this is the million pound question. The one I had dreaded her asking. I was really hoping to get through this whole treatment thing without being asked that. Or at least being asked that at the end. But nope. Fate hates me. “I…” “Be honest with me, Noah…” “...Yes.” Joy didn’t say anything, she just nodded and began writing something in that little notebook she has on her for every session. I know it’s not just full of notes about my sessions, but about everyone. I’m pretty sure she uses these notes to complete the ‘psychological evaluation’ for each person here. Pretty sure that’s what they use to base what kind of treatment they get. Because it’s noticeable that some people get babied more, some people are kept at arms length, some people are spoken to like they’re more of an adult being treated like a baby… And I always wondered what the psych eval says about me. Probably stuff like ‘fragile’ or ‘easily manipulated’ or ‘gullible’. “And why is that? You’re feeling more hopeful than ever, right? You do want Elysium to help you, don’t you?” she asked, looking up at me. “I am. And I do…” “But?” “But… umm…” “What about your friends? You’ve made so many since coming here. Which is vastly different to your friend status outside of this building.” “I…” “You are loved, wanted, cared for… I know you’ve had some issues with some other babies, but as a whole… you’re doing well, right?” “Yeah… but…” “I even heard you got to meet the girls from the third year today, which is earlier than expected. You’re very lucky actually, you get a lot of privileges that others have never had here.” “YES BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT STOP FUCKING HURTING!” Joy sat there for a minute, shocked by my outburst. It was the only one I’ve had here. Never have I raised my voice like that to anyone. But all the talk about how privileged I am, how lucky I am… it cracked the dam finally and everything came pouring out. I’m not fucking lucky. I’m not fucking priviledged. Sure, some things are good in here. But that doesn’t magically erase the shit I’m still dealing with, all the shit I’m having to deal with in here. “Doesn’t make what stop hurting, sweetie? Your depression?” The door opened and in walked Ceres, with a very stern look on her face. “Ceres? What’s up?” Joy asked. “What did you do? I heard him scream from outside…” Ceres looked very defensive at this point, like she was ready to tear Joy a new one. “We reached a breaking point, Ceres. Everything is fine,” Joy responded, as calmly as possible. My Nanny turned to me, her stern face dropping the instant she looked me in the eye, and she knelt down in front of the bouncer I was laying in. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Ceres… you can’t get attached like this,” Joy said, trying to sound calm so that Ceres would back down. “I brought him in. He’s my responsibility,” she snapped at the Doc. “And you brought in your previous pair… and Ollie… How is Noah any different to you?” “Yes, but Noah was in a rough place. I… I didn’t just take him to make him a better person. He’s not like the others…” I could hear the pain in her voice as it quivered a little. “I know he’s not. That’s why we are having these sessions.” “I made him a promise. I said I’d protect him. I said I’d make sure this place helps him. I…” “I know hun. But he needs this. You know I would never harm or hurt him. He just…” Too many times now. All talking about me. All these ‘him’s and ‘he’s… I couldn’t take it anymore… “PLEASE SHUT UP!” This shook even Ceres to her core, her mouth opening a little in shock. “Noah…” “No. I’m done. No more therapy. No more any of this bullshit. I’m done. You can’t help. No one can. I give up!” “Noah, we are just making a breakthrough… you can’t,” Joy tried to get through to me, but it just wasn’t working. Not now. “I. Am. Done. Ceres… Please take me back to my room.” I knew Ceres wanted to speak up, she wanted to agree with Joy. And honestly… even I agreed with her. But she can’t help. Neither of them can. This place can’t. This place is a fucked up fetish for some fucked up people with too much fucking money and they’re playing with people’s lives… kidnapping them off the streets and forcefully regressing them. They can’t deal with a person like me. Especially not with how they run things. Sure, I could tell them the real reason why I don’t want to live. Why this isn’t helping me. Why I’m still struggling despite having a life a thousand times better than it was on the outside of this fucking prison. But why? What can they do? Nothing. That’s what. They’ll think I’m too much hassle and just wipe my brain and leave me on a fucking street corner. I know they’re capable of that. Jack is just one bad outburst away from having that done to him, I know it. Thankfully though… Ceres didn’t say a word. She just unbuckled me from the bouncer, lifted me up, and carried me out of the office. Joy was about to say something when Ceres held up a finger and instantly silenced her, without even breaking her stride or saying a word. “Noah! That was short… usually it-” Ollie was quickly cut off by Ceres, without her saying anything. I’m not sure what signal she gave him or what expression she showed to get him to shut up, but whatever it was worked. After a few seconds of silence, he did gather up the courage to ask… “Is he… okay?” “Ollie, I’ll get another crib set up for you for now, just… leave Noah be for a while, okay? Therapy today was a bit too much for him,” Ceres replied, gently placing me in the crib. I could see Ollie was currently playing with blocks in the playpen, so as soon as I was let go by Ceres, I rolled over and faced the wall, pulling my sheets over me and curling up into a little ball on my side. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, landing on the pillow below me. Maybe I should’ve just left when I had the chance last year. Maybe I should’ve gone back to my shit life. Because maybe then I could’ve gone back to that bridge. A week passed. Ceres kept her distance, as did Ollie. Well… mostly. Ollie didn’t say much to me that week, but he tried to get me involved a bit during the week when we were just with the other boys. Not that it helped at all, I didn’t say a word for the entire week. It’s like my will to live had just… shut down. I cried myself to sleep every night. I didn’t do anything during the day. I knew it’d be impossible to do anything as stupid as the bridge stunt in here. Too many cameras. Ceres is never far from me. There’s no opportunities like that for me in here. So in response to that… my body and mind just shut down, running on low power mode, as if it was just waiting for the day I could get out of here and I could go running at the first large vehicle I saw. Rowan and Ollie kept themselves occupied all week with me just curled up against the wall with my knees pressed against my chest. Jack made fun of me half a dozen times, along with his new friends. It was worse now that they were a bigger group, it definitely boosted their confidence. Which is surprising considering they’re all pissing and shitting their nappies just like the rest of us… The whole week was a write off really. Then it was time to meet up with the girls… “Come on, Noah… you’ve been looking forward to this. Are you not coming?” Ollie asked, trying to get me up and out of bed. Honestly… it was only because Ceres would lift me up and out of bed that I even made it out of the nursery over the past week. It was going to take something similar today. Sure… normally I’d love nothing more than to see the girls. But with how I’m currently feeling… they’re going to make it so much worse. But that’s exactly what Ceres did… she just casually lifted me out of my crib and got me changed and dressed for the day in some blue onesie and nothing else except my nappy. Ollie wore some shortalls and we were both carried through into the main hallway. As we passed the library area, I tugged at Ceres’ top, trying to get her attention. “Yes sweetie?” she said, stopping on the spot. I could hear laughter and voices coming from the main playroom. Clearly both big groups, the boys and the girls, were in there already. We were probably one of the last pairs brought in by the amount of Nannies walking away. So I pointed to the library. “Later, sweetie. You should at least show your face to-” I shook my head violently as I still refused to talk. Thankfully, Ceres backed down. “Nyx…” Ceres called out ahead of her. “Oh hey hun!” the familiar Nanny said, turning and walking over to us. “Do me a favour and go put Ollie in there for me? Make sure he’s with Rowan.” “Is everything okay?” Nyx asked. “Noah just wants some time alone in the library. Maybe he’ll join in later.” Nyx looked at me with concern, before taking Ollie in her arms and walking off towards the playroom. Ceres turned to the library door and walked in, walking over to a little pile of cushions by the wall, placing me down gently. “Sweetie, I’ve given you space. I’ve tried to be understanding. But… why don’t you want to go in there?” she asked, softly. I just shrugged, not saying a word. “Okay… well… try to be more social today, okay sweetie? I’ll let you stay in here if you want to, but you really should talk to someone. Look… I’ll even do something I’m probably going to get into trouble for…” Breaking me out of my trance, I looked up to see Ceres with a little remote control. She pointed it up towards the corners of the room, pressing a button on it for each corner. “There. Visual, but no audio. We need to keep an eye on you so that nothing happens, because you know what Jack and the other boys are like… but… this means you can talk in here. To anyone. Someone. I don’t mind who it is. Ollie, Rowan, Ella, Ava… I don’t care. Just… I promised I’d take care of you. I promised this place would help. And I can’t do that if you don’t let anyone in. You don’t have to see Joy today. For now all therapy sessions have been put on hold, at least for a couple of weeks.” I just sat in silence. “Noah… please… I’m trying. Just…” “...Maybe.” That one word, that first word in a week seemed to spark a bit of hope within Ceres, as she bent over and kissed my forehead. “I don’t mind who it is, just… talk to someone. Please. You can’t get through this alone.” I nodded, going back to my silence again, as Ceres’ smile slowly faded from her face and she got up, quickly leaving me alone with piles of books surrounding me… and no one else around. It was an hour or two before my silence got interrupted. I fully expected Ollie to come crawling through, trying to cheer up his best friend. What I wasn’t expecting… was Ella. She crawled over to me, plopped her padded backside down on a cushion in front of me, and stared at me, placing her little whiteboard on the floor next to her. I awaited the shuffling of more adult babies coming in to try and comfort me… but I was pleasantly relieved when no one else followed and it was just me and Ella alone together. “Are… you… okay?” she said, using her awkward words rather than her hands. I didn’t reply. I just shook my head. “What’s up?” I shrugged. “You’re getting bad again, aren’t you?” Nodding, I felt the tears inside well up, I was close to bursting at this point. “Tell me about it. The others are worried about you. Especially Ollie.” Lowering my knees, I used my hands to talk, as I was a lot better at signing after a year of practice. Still nowhere near fluent… but I could have a basic conversation with Ella most of the time. “They… can’t help me.” It was a lot easier for me to sign than talk, it seems. “Why not?” she replied in sign. “They… are not… I’m… I’m too messed up, that’s why.” “That’s not true!” she signed back, looking awfully defensive on behalf of me. “It is. They can’t help me with my issue.” “What issue? Your depression? Just give it time. Joy has helped me a lot with mine. She can help you!” “SHE CAN’T!” I signed very aggressively. “Why not?” “Because… I’m too fucking weird.” “How so?” “It’s more than just my depression.” “Anxiety?” she asked. “Worse.” “How so? What is it that’s causing you to shut down like this?” I was reaching my limit. I tried ignoring it for a year and look where it got me. Maybe… maybe I could tell someone… Not that it would help… I still can’t tell Ceres or Joy… they’ll probably kick me out. But how bad would it be if a close friend knew? I had never told anyone about it. So… why not? If I’m going to kill myself anyway… Why not risk this? I can always shrug it off, I could lie and pretend it wasn’t something I said. Or… Or… I don’t know. I’m sure I can weasel my way out of whatever I say. So… why not take the risk? I trust Ella. I mean sure I trust Ollie too… but he’s a guy… and typically guys aren’t as accepting. Ella… is so lovely and kind… and she’s like me… so… why not? I pointed at Ella’s whiteboard, and signalled to her. “You want to use it?” she signed. I nodded in response. Thankfully, without questioning it, she handed it over. Quickly scribbling down the best way I could think of explaining it… I ended up drawing a little stickman. I used my free hand, the one holding the board, to awkwardly cover the picture to hide it from the cameras, because sure, there’s no audio in here, but there is video. Even if I knew the word for it in sign… Vesta could be able to figure out what I said from the visual feed, and I still can’t bring myself to actually say it out loud. So the best thing I can do… is try to obstruct the view of my crude drawing. Pointing at the badly drawn man on the board with the pen, I pointed at me. “That’s you?” Ella asked, without signing this time.. Drawing a large X over it, I redrew it… this time with a skirt. Because of course I’m reducing it down to basic stereotypes. Fucking way to go, Noah… Despite my efforts to explain through bad drawings, and my hatred of myself for trying to explain this way… Ella just looked clueless. “I don’t get it.” “That… is… me,” I said, finally using my voice to her. “You? The one in the…” “The real me.” ====================================================== Its finally happening! 🥳 Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday!Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post. And it goes without saying, my story is not to be used in any way to create AI work. Thanks! 🤭 You might be right... Yeah sadly these people are in here for a reason. They're not exactly the most well behaved bunch. The boys that are in here are in here for a reason. They are here to become better people. Right now, they're still resisting, which means they're against those who are happily adapting with the program. It makes sense for them to splinter off and not reach out. Plus remember these six are on their third year here. We don't know what happened with them in their previous years. Plus it's easy for them to revert to how they probably were at school. Do I dislike them, yes. I've been around a lot of boys like that and I hated it. I'm scared of people like them as I know what they're capable of. Remember this is from Noah's POV, he doesn't care about learning the names of a bunch of boys who would probably threaten or assault him if they knew who he really was. I know I wouldn't if I was in Noah's place. I'd stay the hell away from them and wouldn't care to learn anything about them. If I had written this from a Nanny's POV, then yeah, I would've gone more into the boys and their clique.

Chapter 28: The Boys Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- Tw: Homophobic Slurs ------------------------------- I looked over at the group of boys in the opposite corner of the room near the TV, once it was just Ollie and I, trying my best not to make it too obvious. “What do they look like?” Ollie whispered to me. “Typical blokes,” I sighed. “So football, ‘chicks’, and just overall being a nob?” “Spot on. So I think Jack, Harry and Frankie will probably get on like a house on fire.” “So we just stay away. They did say we have access to the whole place, right? We could just go claim the art room or the snuggly room or something.” “We will. Just need Rowan first. Can’t leave the kid with those guys again. Not after what happened last year…” “True. But don’t go calling him ‘the kid’. He’s as old as you are. Both in terms of real age and age we’re treated as in here.” “Haha… I just… I just always saw him as more of a little brother,” I replied, giggling. “...” Ollie sighed and laughed a bit. “...Me too.” “Yeah, we’ll just wait for Rowan, grab him, and crawl out of here without the boys noticing.” “Crawl… over that hard stone flooring out there?” I realised what he meant… When we’ve gone through the hall we’ve been carried or pushed in the stroller. Those hard stone floors out there are going to be hell for our knees. But hey, once we’re over into another room, we’ll be fine. “Yeah. We’ll be over before you know it.” As we planned our little escape to another room, Harry and Frankie were deposited into the playroom by their nanny, Minerva. Once she left them in there, she just left without saying a word. Clearly she’s not impressed by them lately, they must be acting out. Again. As I predicted, the boys were assimilated into the larger group of boys instantly, acting friendly and ‘blokeish’ from the get go, as if they were old mates. The boys were rowdy, laughing at each other, teasing each other, often pointing in our direction and giggling. Ollie and I just ignored them as we waited for our third to join us, then we’d be out of here in a shot. Speaking off… Just moments later, Diana came in. She dropped Rowan off with Ollie and I with a little kiss on his forehead, then turned and unbuckled Jack, lifting him up and placing him on the floor in the middle of the room with no compassion in her actions. Just dumping him on the floor and grabbing the stroller, before leaving quickly. But not without waving goodbye to Rowan with a smile on her face. “Jack being a brat again?” I asked Rowan as he got comfortable once again now that he was with friends. “Yeah. He’s being trouble again. Don’t piss him off. Seems like last year was just an act, now he knows there are others and they’re a much bigger group… I think he’s going to be more of an arsehole,” Rowan replied, sighing. “Well we’re going to go claim the snuggly room or the art room, get away from these braindead morons,” Ollie said, to which Rowan smiled and nodded. As we crawled over to the open door, we heard laughter. Looks like Jack has been assimilated too… “GONNA GO KISS YOUR BOYFRIENDS?” Jack yelled across the nursery. “FUCKIN POOFS!” The boys all laughed. I know I should have let it go. I should’ve just crawled out. But I just had to get that last little dig in… didn’t I? “YEAH? SO WHAT IF I AM? MORE ACTION THAN YOU’VE EVER GOT!” I yelled back, before quickly crawling away, out the door, with my friends in tow. Okay… so thankfully Jack didn’t chase me down. Didn’t even see him for the rest of the hour or so we had. Rowan, Ollie and I just chatted whilst lazing about in the snuggly room. We had found a TV remote which activated a projector that allowed us to play movies on one of the blank walls, which I wasn’t expecting, but it was nice to just chill with my friends and watch movies in here. Gives us a way to get away from the lads in the other room for the rest of the week, until we get to meet up with the girls again. It’s only been a day or so and already I’m missing them all. As much as I love Rowan and Ollie… There's something about being with just boys that makes me hate myself even more. Ollie and Rowan had been collected by Ceres and Minerva. Ceres said she’d come back for me in a minute, as I had my therapy session with Joy to attend. So I just lay there in the comfy room, waiting… It must have been a good ten minutes or so, and I started to worry where Ceres was. I was even tempted to leave the room to check, but figured I’d just be making it more difficult for her if she had to go and search for me. Thankfully, it didn’t take much longer, she was back in the room with the same beautiful smile on her face that greeted me every morning. One of the few things keeping me going in this place. “There ye are. Doing okay kiddo?” she said, her accent coming out a bit stronger for some reason. “Yeah. I'm okay. Time to see Joy?” “That it is. Come on, sorry I’m running late. Ollie needed a change, he had a bit of a blowout.” I wasn’t a stranger to blowouts. I’ve been here for a year. I’ve lost all potty training. Of course it’s happened to me. Pretty sure it’s happened to all of us at some point. So I instantly understood the reason for the delay. Stretching my arms up, Ceres responded by grabbing me and lifting me up into her arms. “No stroller?” I asked. “Nope. I much prefer carrying my baby in my arms.” Honestly… not gonna lie… I preferred this too. Being this close to her was always nice. And if we truly are going to be nursed less… that meant I was going to have less contact with this beautiful woman, so I was going to make sure I make the most out of what I can get. As Ceres carried me through the hall, I heard laughter and playful banter coming from the playroom, which sounded vastly different to when the boys were occupying the room. “OH MY GOD HE’S SO CUTE!” I heard someone cry out. Ceres stopped and turned to the playroom… and I saw a dozen girls all staring at me, smiling. “So… is this one of the guys?” asked one of the girls I didn’t recognise as she turned to the girls I did know for an answer, as if they had been talking about us already. “This is Noah,” Ava replied to her. “Wait… Noah Noah? As in the one who…” “Shhhh!” “He’s definitely a cutie,” another girl said, and instantly I could feel my cheeks burning. “Can he join us?” One of the girls said, though I wasn’t sure who it was. “Girls…” Ceres responded. “You know it’s supposed to be girls only time…” “He can be one of the girls!” Another girl replied, playfully. This… this broke me. It felt like I had been granted a wish by one of those monkey paws… only to be cursed with not actually being one of the girls. “What… about Joy?” I asked, hoping that there was some sudden reason why we couldn’t go see her this minute. “Oh she’s running late by about ten minutes anyway. We were just going to wait for her there… but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to let the girls get to know you…” I didn’t know whether to scream and run… or thank Ceres for allowing me time with my friends. Because being with all these girls just made it feel more obvious that I was out of place as she placed me on the floor in front of the large group of girls, with all their eyes on me. Ceres didn’t leave, as no doubt we’d have to go soon for my appointment, but she did hang back a bit towards the door. Shuffling about, the girls all turned their attention to me, as if I was this shiny new object that needed all of their attention. “H… hi…” I managed to say, but it appears that’s all I could manage right now as I quickly shut up, my cheeks burning and my body quivering. “Hi cutie!” One of the new girls from the third year said. “You’re so cute I could just eat you up…” “Eeep!” I squealed. “So I guess introductions are in order again…” another girl, one with dark brown hair and glasses said. “Hi, I’m Beth.” Next was the girl with the red shoulder length hair, brilliant bright green eyes… and the only one of us with visible tattoos. If it wasn’t for the babyish attire and her hair in what looked like pigtails… I would assume she’d be more of a goth in the outside world, or at least those are the vibes I’m getting from her anyway. “I’m Sia.” Sia… Sia… didn’t they mention a Sia? They said she was acting very much like a big sister or something. God… that was nearly a year ago, at Halloween… “Molly,” was all the next girl said, the one with the black hair. “Hi there! I’m Erin, it’s lovely to meet you!” said the bubbly brunette next to Molly. She seemed like the exact opposite of her, which made her vibrant personality very… obvious. “I’m Amber,” the strawberry blonde said. Honestly… I know I’m mostly describing them by their hair colour but I’m not good with new introductions, so the vast differences in their hair was helping me distinguish who is who a lot better than anything else right now. Lastly… was the familiar girl I saw last year when we went around trick or treating. Ellie. She didn’t say anything, she just waved and smiled as she cuddled up between Beth and Sia. “This… is…” Sia began to introduce her friend, before I quickly interrupted her. “Ellie,” I said. “Wait… how do you…?” “Haha… umm…” I mumbled, quickly becoming flustered. “Funny story… but we’ve actually met…” Ellie looked surprised and confused by this as she sucked on her dummy. She was the only one doing so, the others all had their dummies attached to their matching skirtalls but had opted not to use them. “W… when?” she asked, nervously, her words muffled a bit by the dummy in her mouth. “Last Halloween. Your Nanny brought you down because you kept crying or something. Nyx, was it? She brought you down and was holding you in her arms when we did the whole trick or treat thing.” Ellie began to blush and tried to hide her face in Sia’s shoulder. Seems like Sia really is like a big sister to her, it’s adorable really. “Oh wait… that was Ellie? I forgot about that!” Maria finally spoke up, being the first one of our group to do so. This just made Ellie blush more. “I can’t believe you remember that, Noah!” “Just… good memory. I… umm… it’s lovely to meet you all.” “So…” Beth said, “I heard you met with the boys from our year today. Bet you got on soooo well…” she said, jokingly. I just rolled my eyes and sighed. “That well, huh?” Molly laughed. “Rowan, Ollie and I crawled out over to the relaxing room down the corridor. Thankfully they didn’t bother us,” I replied. “Stay away from them. They’ve gotten better since they started accepting the program… but I worry they’re going to go back to their old habits now that they’ve got fresh blood…” “Especially Jack…” Sophia said. “Is he the one we’ve been hearing things about? Even our Nannies were worrying about him.” “He’s… not a nice person. Don’t worry, we actively avoid the other boys,” I said, smiling awkwardly. “Good. You can hang out with us then! Your girls seem nice and we’ve not really had any boys to hang out with.” I hated how I was considered ‘one of the boys’... but unless I changed my mind suddenly about the whole coming out thing… I’m just going to have to get used to it. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. As I turned to see who it was, I saw Ceres knocking on the wall, looking over at me, indicating to me with her eyes that it was time to go. “Come on kiddo, time for your appointment,” she said. “Aww, can’t he stay?” Ellie said, her words muffled by her dummy. “Sorry girls, you can have him back in a week when you merge with the boys again.” “We’ll miss you!” a few of the third year girls said, waving goodbye. As Ceres picked me up and held me in her arms, I looked over at Ella, who looked sad that I was going again. But honestly… I felt the same way. ====================================================== Oh look, it's the author's self-insert again, though this time she's with her big sis... :3 Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday!Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post. And it goes without saying, my story is not to be used in any way to create AI work. Thanks!

Chapter 27: Tour Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- The playroom was even bigger than the library. But then I guess it has to be if we could have two years worth of people in here at any point. It looked a lot like the playroom downstairs, without the glass domes of course (it was more like a standard room/playroom/classroom)... but it did have windows to the outside in them! Toys everywhere… big TV screen on the wall (which was firmly bolted to the wall. I wondered if Jack’s behaviour back at Christmas led to this development…), bean bag chairs and everything… even a big playpen in the corner with lots of soft toys! This place was impressive. But I could see it being very popular… and very busy. And me and crowds… do not mix. I was already worried about having all twelve girls around, worrying that it may make me feel anxious, as that's twelve girls… and then the three of us boys. That’s if they’ll all accept us boys. And if the year above merged into one big group like our year did. I really hoped they were all nice to us, and allowed us to hang around them more. Not just for safety, not just as a safe place away from the ‘lads’... but because I felt my dysphoria lessen when I was around them. At least… until I begin thinking about my dysphoria… then it worsens dramatically… and I start feeling like an imposter of both genders. Thankfully, I’d have a while until we meet the girls again… and already I was missing Ella and the others terribly. We’d be gone a whole week by the time we see them again… and I was not happy about that. I was especially not happy about spending most of the week around a bunch of ‘lads’. I doubt they’ll accept me. But then I doubt they’ll accept Rowan or Ollie either… they will however welcome Jack and his thugs with open arms. I just hope they didn’t bring out the worst in Jack again. Having Jack feel… neutered… was great for our overall safety and feeling of happiness. No outbursts, no bullying, no physical assaults. The boys just kept to themselves and didn’t cause any fuss. But with the new boys… would they make them worse… or have these third years truly been reformed and influence our years boys in a positive way? Maybe… maybe Jack will end up embracing his treatment rather than enduring it? “Noah… you okay?” “Huh?” I asked, coming out of my own thoughts, finding myself in Ceres’ arms still… though now we were at the end of the corridor. “You zoned out. Did you miss the tour whilst you were off in your own thoughts?” Ceres asked. “Playroom, changing room, another playroom but with a lot less toys and more like a soft play area complete with ball pit… umm…” Ollie said, adorably, drifting off after trying to give me a quick summary of what I had missed. “You missed the dress up room,” Ceres added. “Dress up room?” I asked. “They had a bunch of different outfits and costumes! Like you can dress up like a pirate or a ninja or a doctor or…” As Ollie went off listing a bunch of costumes available, his voice kinda just zoned out a bit as I stared at his cute smile. He’s really adapting to the treatment well… he really does act like a little kid sometimes in here and it’s adorable. I loved listening to him going on about things he thinks are ‘cool’. “Yes, if you want to dress up in anything, just go in there and grab a costume. No fighting over the Princess dresses though…” Ceres joked, giggling slightly. “Ewwwww! I dun wanna be a princess!” Ollie replied, making a face of disgust. Which was adorable… and a little bit disheartening. “What about you, Noah? Want to be a pretty princess?” Did… did she know? No… she can’t. I hide it very well. It’s like the Christmas present last year, it’s just a coincidence. I need to stop worrying that I've been found out. I need… I need to put that shit to the back of my mind. It's not happening. I’m just me. Noah. The boring guy. Though that part of me I locked away in the back of my mind really wanted to try on that dress. “N… no thanks. Princess dresses are for girls,” I replied, lying through my teeth. “Not at all. Even boys can be Princesses…” Ceres smiled at me. “No they can’t!” I snapped back at her. “Noah? Are you okay?” “I’m fine. Can I go take a nap, please?” “I… sure. Are you sure you’re okay?” “I’m fine.” “Want me to call Joy?” “No. Just… tired.” I didn’t like that she quickly jumped to wanting to call Joy. Like… Joy has helped me a lot with my depression. But she doesn’t understand this. And sometimes when my mood is low all I need is some space. I don’t need a fucking therapy session. “Okay sweetheart. Well the tour has concluded anyway, so I’ll go put you down for a nap and get Ollie his lunch.” Even Ollie looked at me with concern, so I buried my face into Ceres’ shoulder, avoiding both of their gazes. I didn’t really eat much once I woke up. I didn’t really sleep either, I just lay there with my eyes closed the entire time, listening to Ceres and Ollie in the nursery. Ceres checked on me a few times, but it seemed like it was just one of those days. I’ve had a few over the past year, but this one hurts a little more than usual for some reason. It’s okay. I’ll just lay here… wishing I didn’t exist… until it gets to bedtime and I can hopefully fall asleep properly. Year Two, Day Two Ceres has been a bit… distant with me. They all are whenever I’m like this. I had hoped that maybe I’d be fine and never have these bad mood drops again… and for the first few months I didn’t have a single bad drop like this. But I think that was the excitement that things would get better, that people were actively trying to help me, that I had this new place and this new life and all these new friends… and three people all crushing on me apparently. But then shortly after Christmas, depression hit me like a ton of bricks and every couple of weeks I’d shut down and isolate myself for a day or two. For the first few months I suppressed it, faked it, masked my emotions and lied to myself… telling myself that I was okay, that things were getting better. But then Christmas rolled around and ruined that. And nothing was changing. Not even talking to Joy was helping. It was obvious she was just another therapist. Just another person I tell my life story to and then they are clueless as to how to help me get better. It’s my own fault really. I know that. It’s why I hate myself and I wish I didn’t exist. If I just told her… told someone… about the one main thing causing me issues right now… maybe things would get better. But no… that’s too scary. Avoid talking about it, hope it goes away. That’s the plan. People like me as I am. People like Noah. They wouldn’t like me, the real me. The me that I’ve kept hidden from everyone… including myself. Ugh… look… this is me thinking about it again. And I swore to myself I wouldn’t. I swore to myself that’s not who I am. That I was better off moving on. Being who everyone expects me to be. It’ll be much easier for everyone else… and me… if I just be the guy I’ve grown up to be. I wish I could just stay in my crib and hide forever. To stop existing. Everyone would be better off. I’m just a burden. But no, I stupidly signed up for this stupid fucking ‘treatment’. I’m stuck in what is essentially my worst nightmare… albeit with a cutesy, infantilising paint of coat over it. If I was on the outside right now… I could go back to that bridge. I could finish what I intended that night Ceres found me. Here… with cameras and Nannies watching me 24/7… there’s no way I’d be able to do anything. Which is my worst nightmare. Stuck in a place I can’t escape from. Stuck with my own thoughts, without the ability to stop them forever. Problem is… today is the day we merge with the other boys. So far… the schedule has been identical to that we had during our first year. Wake up, get nursed (though that was apparently something that was going to reduce gradually over time), get changed, get dressed. I mean my little mood drop kinda threw a spanner in the works, but despite giving me space, Ceres still managed to keep roughly to the schedule last night and this morning. But now… there was no avoiding it. We had to go out. I had to be social. I had to mix with the other boys. ‘Other’. Ha. As if I’m one of them. I wouldn’t even say Ollie and Rowan are part of ‘the boys’, they certainly don’t act like them. But… that’s not the same as why I’m not one of them. So I let Ceres dress me up in these cute shortalls and a blue snap-crotch onesie underneath them, then I let her put me in the stroller next to Ollie, who was dressed up in an identical outfit. Back to gender stereotypes I guess… “So, you be good boys for the next hour, okay?” “Hour? I thought we got a few hours of playtime?” I asked Ceres as she deposited me on the soft carpet of the main playroom, the one with the majority of the toys in it and the large TV on the wall. “Yes sweetie, but because you and the girls are being split for the first week, and because we don’t have separate boys and a girls playroom up here… and because we want you to get used to the spaces available, that includes all the rooms… we have to divide the time between you and the girls. So you’ll get an hour in here with the other boys, then I’ll come and get you and take you back to your nursery. Then the girls will come in here for an hour. So try not to leave it too much of a mess for them.” “You know we won’t. Can’t promise the other boys won’t.” “Just… be good. Try to get along with them, okay sweetpea?” Ceres smiled awkwardly at me. “If they want to talk, we will. But I’m not going near Jack. If they adopt Jack into their group… I’m staying clear of them all,” Ollie replied, rolling his eyes as he quietly spoke to Ceres. We had to keep our voices down in here, as we could see the other boys across the other side of the playpen, all chatting to each other, and we didn’t want them to hear us. Jack and his goons however… were nowhere to be seen yet. “Oliver, just be careful, okay? Don’t push things with them, there are a lot more of them now.” I noticed how she always called Ollie by his name or by his nickname, but she was always flirty with me, always calling me sweetie or sweetpea, very rarely calling me Noah. Sure, it confused the hell out of me, as surely she couldn’t date one of her charges even if she wanted to… but hey, I didn’t get called Noah, so it’s all good. Ollie crawled away over to some plastic blocks and plopped his thickly padded backside down, putting blocks together haphazardly. This left Ceres and I alone together as she pretended to adjust my shortalls. “I thought these were supposed to be third years? Surely they’ve accepted and embraced the treatment by now?” I asked quietly, so even Ollie couldn’t hear us. “Mostly… yes. But remember they still have a year of this to go, and that last year helps a lot with personal development. The first year is all about breaking you down. The second year is about building you back up and encouraging positive character traits rather than the negative ones. The third year is about recognising your negative traits from before and letting go of them to become a well rounded person who won’t just leave and go back to their normal habits. Also… the inclusion of second year boys can actually be detrimental to the third year’s progression, we’ve seen. Sometimes the reinclusion of the girls will set the boys straight… but once it didn’t happen and we had to rely on hypnosis to break the boys down a bit more…” “I can’t wait til we get the girls back,” I said, quickly realising that that sounded really needy… or even worse… a little too obvious when it came to my secret. “They put Jack and the boys in their place in the playroom downstairs. I’m sure them and the ‘older’ girls will be able to put them all in their place.” “I think we’ll be okay this year. Jack will probably cause the boys to get riled up again and start acting out, but that should only last a week. I think you’re right… the girls will put them in their place when we merge your groups,” Ceres said, smiling at me, staring deeply into my eyes. “Wha?” I asked, feeling a bit put on the spot by her intense stare. “I’m… I’m just glad we have you in the loop here. It’s nice to talk to one of you properly.” “I’m just glad I’m in the loop. Otherwise I would’ve died of a panic attack a year ago, this would be my worst nightmare, after all…” “Well I’ll always keep you up to date. Oh and today your therapy session with Joy will be during the hour that the girls will have the playroom, okay? Ollie will go back to your nursery and I’ll take you to see Joy.” “Oh. Okay. Sure.” “Now, be a good boy and play nicely… remember, we’re always less than a minute away, and we’re watching… but a lot can happen before we can get to you. So just be careful around them all. Especially Jack.” ====================================================== Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday!Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post. And it goes without saying, my story is not to be used in any way to create AI work. Thanks!

Chapter 26: Second Years Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- “Good morning, little ones…” We all sat there in our strollers, all lined up within the playroom once again whilst the almighty Headmistress stood at her podium from on high. We all appeared to be wearing onesies. I like everyone here in Elysium… but I do not like her. Something about her… she just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it’s the fact that she only ever looks down on us from up there on that balcony, maybe it’s the way she talks down to us like we’re criminals (although to be fair… some in here technically are), maybe it’s her snooty accent… or maybe it’s all that and more. “Today is the day you graduate to your second year…” “But it hasn’t been a year yet… didn’t we start in September?” Ollie called out, shouting up to the snooty Headmistress up on the elevated platform. “Oliver… you are correct. But in order for us to take in another year of little ones, we need to vacate you from the first year floor so we can prepare it for the next intake.” Ollie just shrugged and nodded. “Makes sense…” “So your Nannies will escort you upstairs to the second year nurseries, and you will find all your belongings in there.” All our belongings? We were kinda kidnapped, it’s not like… oh… I guess there’s the gifts we received for birthdays and Christmas. And all the drawings on the wall that Ceres proudly put up. And the stuffies we own. They must be moving it all upstairs now whilst we’re in this assembly. “Congratulations on making it through the first year of our program. As second years you will be granted a little more freedom. But you will still be treated like babies. Only late second and third years will be given the most freedom, as they are treated more like toddlers.” “So what ‘freedoms’ do we get?” Jess asked, sounding unimpressed. “Over time you will nurse less and eat more solid food, rather than the pureed food you’ve been eating for the past year. You will also be allowed to learn how to walk later this year, but don’t think that privilege can’t be taken away at any moment due to bad behaviour…” I think a bunch of us all shivered at the thought of getting to walk again only to have that taken away from us. It would be nice to get some exercise though… I think I’m not the only one who has put on a little bit of baby fat in here, due to lack of exercise. “You will be allowed to watch movies suitable for toddlers and children, and you will be given access to toys more appropriate for them too.” “Great… more toys…” Ollie muttered under his breath. Thankfully no one but me seemed to hear him, so he got away with it. “And most importantly… you will be allowed to socialise with the third years. We will be splitting you up again, like we did at the start of the year. The girls will mix with the third year girls, and the boys will mix with the third year boys, though you will be mixed a lot sooner than you were downstairs.” ‘Great… more boys… ugh…’ I thought to myself, rolling my eyes at the idea of more thugs like Jack. “You’ll be given a tour of the upstairs playrooms later this afternoon, whilst the third years are doing an activity elsewhere. I expect you all to be on your best behaviour. That is all. I hope you enjoy your second year at Elysium.” And that was it. This big speech just ended abruptly and she walked off, not even turning to look at us. We pushed out the door of the main playroom in our strollers, one pair at a time, and we formed this big line of adult babies being pushed by their Nannies out towards a door at the end of a nearby corridor. “You two doing okay?” Ceres whispered down to us as we sat in the stroller, just as we came to a weird looking elevator. The first Nanny and her stroller entered, and the elevator went up. Then the second shortly after when it arrived again. “Uh huh. I… wasn’t expecting to suddenly be thrust into the second year… I was expecting them to announce it a little in advance…” “We made a few mistakes the first couple of years… we didn’t move the first years out quick enough so the new intake kinda got stuck in the holding cells for a bit longer than expected. We learned our lesson… but we’re still getting the timing right. I think it’s to do with letting you settle before the program begins again.” “Okay… sure…” I sighed. “Promise you, you’ll like your new nurseries…” Ceres said, trying to cheer me up as we entered the elevator next. “IS THAT… SKY?” “I told you you’d like it,” Ceres replied to Ollie, smiling over to him as she put the stroller away in a hole in the wall. “ACTUAL SKY?” Ollie stood on his tippy toes from within the crib, barely able to peek outside the single window in here. I patiently waited for my turn, as there wasn’t much room for us to both look out at the same time. Despite what little sky I could see from the crib mattress… it was nice to see the actual sky for the first time in nearly a year. “What’s out there?” I asked, desperate to know if we could try and figure out where we are from the surroundings that are visible out there. “Grass. Just… grass. And trees in the distance.” “No towns? No landmarks?” “Are you trying to figure out where we are?” asked Ceres, crossing her arms at me. “...Maybe.” “You’re still in England,” Ceres replied. “But I can’t say where. And no, there are no signs or landmarks or anything visible from any window in this facility. They did that on purpose.” “Is that so we can’t come back and have you all arrested after graduation?” I smirked. “Arrested?” Ollie turned and asked me, confused. “You know… for kidnapping us?” “Oh… yeah…” Ollie was adorably dumb sometimes. For a moment he was so enamoured with the view of the outside world that he forgot we’re still being kept here against our will. Well… he is. I fucking chose this… “Right, I don’t think we’ll need your stroller for the tour. Will you two be good boys and behave whilst I carry you?” Ceres asked, looking serious for a moment. “Uh huh!” Ollie replied, smiling and nodding at our Nanny. “Always!” I smiled at her. “You two always are. I’m a very lucky Nanny. Let’s show you around then…” “This is the boy’s dormitory,” Ceres said, holding Ollie in one arm and me in the other, effortlessly. It still amazed me that someone her size could do something like this. The boys dorm was blue, to no one's surprise… With about eight doors and then the main gated door at the end of the hall. The nurseries inside appeared to be very similar inside, with the cribs (though we only had one in ours, unlike the others, no doubt Ceres suggested that…), highchairs, playpen, changing table… and all our stuff that had been moved from downstairs whilst we were being talked to by the Headmistress. They even had the same rocking chair that Ceres loved to nurse us on. “Boys from both your year and the year above will be located here. You won’t move nursery again, you’ll be here for the rest of your time here. When you get the ability to walk back, provided you’ve been on your best behaviour up to that point… you’ll be allowed to come and go from the nurseries as you please during any playtime. But only during your scheduled playtime. So if you want to come back and take a nap, or you want to grab a stuffie or something, you won’t need to ask a Nanny to carry you, you’ll be able to just waddle back here and do so. Though you will need permission from one to come back here. But again, that’s only once you’ve learned how to walk again. Oh and you still won’t be allowed to enter anyone else’s nursery without permission, don’t forget that.” “Why are there eight doors? Three pairs of two boys… two years of that… that’s only six rooms, right?” I asked, confused. “Clever boy!” I shivered with disgust but held back any visible signs of it on my face as Ceres gently squeezed me with her arm. “So what are the other two rooms for?” “Possible expansion. If we can get the Nannies in the future, and we can handle another eight people per year… we’ll need an extra two nurseries per dorm. The board was thinking of the future when they built this place.” We walked out of the boys’ dorm to a huge corridor. And I’m talking huge. It felt very much like a school corridor, even down to the same tiled floor you’d see at school. At the opposite end was a similar door to ours, so I assumed that was the entrance to the girls’ dorm. But along the absolutely enormous hallway… were a number of doors, all spaced rather far apart. “So… you’ll find you have a lot more variety in spaces up here, now that you’ve gone through the difficult first year,” Ceres began, before walking over to the first door. “You don’t have a girls and a boys playroom anymore, and you don’t have one big joint playroom.” “What do we have then?” “Well this room… is your art room.” It looked like any other primary school art classroom. As it was the beginning of the year there were only half a dozen paintings on the walls, probably from the now-third years that were left over. The drying racks were empty, as it probably hasn’t been used due to the graduations. But it looked quiet enough, and there was a nice big window with a beautiful view of the forest in the distance. I’m not bad at art… I’m also not great… but I could definitely see myself spending some time in here. I know Ella will probably love this room, she seems very artistic when it comes to drawing, though we only had access to crayons down in the basement, it’ll be nice to see what she can do with actual art supplies. “You can come in here to play with any art supplies, or to colour in or draw. Whatever your little creative heart desires. We even have clay and stuff if you want to sculpt. We definitely encourage you all to take up hobbies or new crafts, not just so you have something to focus on or pass the time with, but something you can genuinely get into, even after you graduate. I know one of the previous graduates now draws. And Noah, you remember little Ellie, right? Well she’s becoming quite the writer. I think she intends to try writing once she graduates.” Ellie… She was the second year from Halloween. The one fast asleep in her Nanny’s arms. She looked just like me, but she was like a thousand times more adorable. It’s weird to think that adorable little adult baby is now in her third year and will probably graduate next year. Then I remembered… I’ll get to meet her! I’ll get to meet the whole new third year too. Though I do remember one of the Nannies saying the boys were very much a ‘boys’ club… so hopefully the girls’ will sorta adopt us like they did this past year. I just hope the third year girls are just as nice and friendly as our years… The next door, the one opposite the art room, was clearly a nap room. With soothing light purple walls, there were soft furnishings everywhere… pillows and cushions spread all over the place… a number of giant stuffies that would dwarf even me… It looks so cosy and snuggly and I was weirdly excited to try it out soon. “This door…” Ceres said as she wandered down the hall to the next door on this side of the hallway, “this is off limits, okay? You won’t have any access to it, and under no circumstances should you follow a Nanny in…” “Guessing that’s the path to the rest of the complex? Where all the behind the scenes stuff happens?” I said, wondering if I had put a target on my forehead just by asking that. “Exactly. So no little babies beyond this door, okay? Unless a Nanny is taking you, then it’s okay. Noah, I’ll be taking you through there to see Joy every week.” Ollie and I nodded at her. I’m too well behaved… and I really seem to have rubbed off on Ollie, he’s less cocky and more well behaved these days. “Good boys, now, this door you can go in… and I think you’ll like it a lot…” “Oooh is it the playroom? What toys do we get?” Ceres walked over and opened the door to reveal… a library. It was huge! With shelves full of books, but a gate barring half the room where most of the shelves were. The half available to us closer to the door looked very… childish. Lots of plastic chairs, bean bag chairs, and cute playful wall decorations. Just like a children’s library. “BOOKS? Really?” Ollie whined. Okay… maybe there’s still some of the old Ollie in there. Honestly… I’m glad, I like Ollie as he is. Even if he’s wrong for hating books. “As second years you’ll have access to the baby and toddler books on the shelves. You can read whatever you want from those. When you get to your third year you’ll get access to the wider library, which includes books suitable for children and even young adults. There are also a lot of the classics in there, because as much as we want to enforce the whole ‘you’re a baby’ thing… We want you to become better people. And if that takes the form of you getting better by reading some of the best stories in the world… Who are we to prevent that?” Honestly… I know Ollie wasn’t excited by this room… but I was. This quickly became my new number one area that I was looking forward to the most. And part of me couldn’t wait to get to the third year just so I could finally read some of the classics that I’ve been meaning to read for years… “Where are the toys?” Ollie whined. It was so cute… he still doesn’t realise how much of an effect the treatment in here has had on him. A year ago he was mortified at having to play with babyish toys… now he couldn’t wait for them. Ceres just sighed at him and moved towards the next door. ====================================================== Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday!Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post. And it goes without saying, my story is not to be used in any way to create AI work. Thanks!

Yeah this is why I couldn't do 24/7 as just a baby. Very boring lives. I like occasional baby/toddler with some adult privileges.

Chapter 25: Treatment Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- “Good morning, sleepyhead…” I rubbed my eyes as I looked up to see Ceres leaning over the crib railing, smiling down at me. “M… mornin…” “Can we talk?” she asked, with a serious expression on her face. “I… is Ollie up?” “No, it’s an hour before his usual wake up time. I just… I needed to talk to someone about yesterday.” I rubbed the last bit of sleep from my eyes and shuffled up out of bed, leaning back against the headboard of the crib in a sitting position. As I shuffled up I could feel my wet nappy slosh around under me… which a few months ago used to freak me out… but now… not so much. This was just normal at this point. “I mean… sure? But are you supposed to talk to me about it? Surely you and the other Nannies are close? Surely you’re supposed to talk to them, or at least someone higher up…?” “I guess. But I like talking to you. You… aren’t part of the system here. I need an unbiased view.” “You think I’m unbiased? The guy you kidnapped and forcefully regressed into an adult baby?” I replied, smiling at her to make her know I was just playing. She already looks like she’s stressed about what happened, I don’t want to add guilt to her plate. “Yes, but I gave you an out… you’re the one who chose to stay…” she smiled back at me. “Touché. So… you want to talk about yesterday?” “Yeah…” “Why? Surely that’s happened before?” “Oh yes. The six of us taking care of your year have been in since the creation of Elysium. So I’ve seen it all. We’re the only ones who are now on their second intake, the other twelve Nannies taking care of the second and third years are all on their first pair each.” “So why are you so shaken up about it?” I asked. “Who says I’m…” before she could finish this sentence, I reached up and put my hand on hers, which stopped her trembling. “Ah… my body betrays me…” “What’s so special about yesterday?” I asked, tilting my head slightly. “I… was worried.” “About?” “You. And Ollie.” “Why? We would’ve been okay. We had six super strong Nannies and then a whole security detail keeping us safe…” “I know. And I’ve seen meltdowns. I’ve seen people be taken down like that. All it takes is one second for something bad to happen. But…” “But?” “But I’ve never had to do that myself… I’ve… look, I was trained how to use it…” “But you never actually shot anyone with your taser?” I said, putting the pieces together. “Exactly. But I had to. This time I had my pair in danger… I…” “I’m thankful you did it, Ceres…” It was at that point that she came out with something I never thought she’d say to me. “Rachel.” “Huh?” I replied, squinting and looking at her with confusion. “My name. It’s Rachel.” I sat there in silence for a minute, before she continued. “Aaaaand now I’m going to get a massive telling off by my superiors… but I don’t care.” “What? You weren’t born as Ceres?” I joked, sticking my tongue out at her. “Oh yes… such a wonderful Scottish name… Ceres…” she joked back. “But no… I shouldn’t have told you my name. I don’t care though. They can yell at me as much as they want. You’re not a normal intake here, you already know more than any other baby in our care. Probably more than most graduates…” “Really? Even more than the graduates? Also don’t get yourself in trouble with me, Rachel… I don’t want anything to happen to you…” She giggled and smiled at me. “How do you do that?” she asked, softly. “Do what?” I replied, shrugging. “Be the sweetest little baby ever, that’s what.” I felt my cheeks burning as I looked back up to see her smiling at me. “I… shush…” “You’re too sweet, you know that? But don’t worry. I’ll get a light swat on the wrist or something. Just… don’t call me Rachel in here, okay? Stick with Ceres.” “Okay… Ceres.” “Good boy,” she said, before sighing heavily. “Sorry your Christmas was ruined.” “Pff. I hate Christmas anyway.” “You ‘hate’ Christmas?” she asked, seeming genuinely shocked and upset by this. “Yeah… I just… don’t like the season anymore…” “Since your Mum?” “Exactly.” “Oh hun. Next year… Next year I’m going to make it extra special for you.” “You really don’t have to, Ceres. I’m fine.” “Nope. Too late. Already forming a plan… deal with it, kiddo…” I smiled back at her, feeling… safe? I think that’s the right word. She makes me feel comfortable and not on edge. Most people make me feel anxious when I’m around them, but Ceres… she was… safe. “What will happen to Jack?” I asked. “Well it seems the hypnosis we’ve been playing to him hasn’t worked as intended. Otherwise we wouldn’t have had to use the tasers yesterday. So… him, Frankie and Harry will be getting… intensive treatment.” “That totally doesn’t sound ominous… What is ‘intensive treatment’?” “The boys may not be themselves so much when they come back after New Year…” “Okay, that’s not helping… if anything it’s making me more scared. I thought this place was to help people, not just rewrite their brains?” “Don’t worry, we aren’t overwriting anything. Just… putting the mean boys in their cages inside their brains. Over time they’ll become better, but during that time they’ll be a lot more… compliant. Just don’t be worried when they are drastically different after New Year.” I didn’t like what she was implying with ‘cages inside their brains’. That felt very much like they’d still be aware of what they were doing, but they’d be powerless to do anything about it. But… but maybe that’s needed? Clearly the program isn’t helping them so far. Thinking about it… has it helped any of us yet? I guess it’s too early to tell. It’s not like we’re in a position to drink or smoke or take drugs or shoplift or whatever… so it’s not like we know if we’d still be tempted by our past or not. Like take me for example… sure, I’m happier than I have been in a long time. But if they were to send me out into the world right now… would I want to continue living? Probably not. Not if Ceres, Ella and Ollie weren’t in my life. But then I guess the existence of those three have given me a reason to stick around a little longer. Is that really the program working though? Or did it just provide the connections I needed to tether me to this existence? I guess I wouldn’t know for a while… January So… this month was a bit of a weird one. Ella has been clingy again with me, as has Ollie. But neither of them will talk about their interest in me. I’ve tried, believe me I’ve tried to hint towards talking about them possibly being interested in me… you know… romantically… but I’m useless when it comes to that. I didn’t want to rock the boat though, I had two really close friends who loved hanging out with me in the playroom. I didn’t want to cause drama or make it uncomfortable by bringing up the whole ‘liking me’ thing… so I kept shush after a week and stopped trying to hint at it, and just accepted the fact that maybe we’ll just be friends for now. If they want to initiate something, they can. If they’re too scared… then I guess we’re not meant to be. That wasn’t the highlight of January though… Jack was. Jack and his goons were brought in a week into January, as apparently they needed a bit more time with their new ‘treatment’. The whole time Jack wasn’t there, Rowan was so happy to have the nursery all to himself, he told me he was much happier with Jack gone, even if that wouldn’t last. So I saw him exert the biggest sigh humanly possible when the Nannies said Jack was coming back to the playroom today… and back to his nursery. But Rowan’s displeasure didn’t last long. About as long as it took for Jack to crawl through the door from the boys section of the playroom… “Oh… my… god…” Maria cried out in shock. “Is that…?” “Hewwo…” Jack said, parking his extremely padded backside down across from our group, waving at us with the biggest, dumbest smile on his face. “Is that… Jack… are you still… you?” Rowan asked, nervously. “Uh huh! I good boy now! Dey help me wif all deh pwoblems… now I baby wike you!” “I mean… even we aren’t as babyish as that…” I said, dumbfounded. Ceres did say he was gonna be different, but I wasn’t expecting… this. He just sat there, in a nappy that looked like it was three or four times thicker than any of the ones we had ever been put in, with blue plastic pants over the top of it, wearing nothing above the waist except for a bib that said ‘I got my brain drained and all I got was this stupid bib’ (which was in very poor taste). Drool dripped from the edge of his mouth, the same mouth that looked to be filled with a ridiculous-looking oversized blue dummy… And on his head… was a matching blue bonnet. He looked just like how all the cartoon characters I had grown up watching looked whenever they dressed as babies. Like this was baby. I’m just glad they didn’t do this to all of us as standard. I’m glad it’s only reserved as a punishment for the most serious offenders. Because this… this was actually scaring me. The power they have… If you had told me people had the power to brainwash you and regress you like this with it… I would’ve said you were paranoid or crazy. At least before coming here I would have said that… Maybe… maybe I should’ve taken Ceres’ offer of an early exit… because who knows what an organisation like this really does with the people it takes… February So Frankie and Harry had the same treatment as their leader, but Frankie was often wearing a matching green baby outfit and Harry’s was yellow. They looked somewhat adorable, and I must admit… I kinda preferred them this way. I know it’s cruel but… maybe a part of me didn’t want them to have this treatment reversed… They joined in conversations, though they sounded a lot more infantile and didn’t understand a lot of the bigger topics we talked about. They were very much baby-brained at this point. They played games with us, watched stuff with us… it was… nice? We actually got along with them, with the girls even becoming a little protective of the defenseless regressed boys. Which… I hate to say… maybe I was a little jealous of. Anyway, February… It has been a month of treatment for them… and things were going well. Until my birthday. Similar birthday party to the ones we had had so far. Cake, party games, presents that were suitable for a toddler or a baby. I didn’t want to celebrate it, I never do… but Ella and Ollie seemed extra excited about it… as did Ceres. Maybe… just maybe… I didn’t hate it as much as previous birthdays. They definitely made me feel special that day. March Another month of this ‘treatment’ for Jack, Harry and Frankie. So we made the most of it by enjoying what peace we could before the boys got their adult brains back. Who knows if they’ll have learned their lesson. Maybe they get worse? I guess we’ll find out next month. But yes, we went through the same usual routine. Wake up, nurse, change, play, feed, nap, play, nurse, change, sleep. Over. And over. And over. And over again. It was mind numbingly boring. It was only the connections and interactions I had with the others that kept me going, that kept me from regressing into what Jack and the boys have become. Because without any adult stimuli like our conversations… my mind would have turned off by this point. But maybe that’s just how this program works? They remove all adult stimuli, all temptations, all bad influences… start over from scratch. Why they don’t mentally regress us like they did with Jack, I don’t think I’ll ever find out… but whatever the reason that is… I’m glad. This is enough for now. I don’t think I could handle being mentally regressed like that. I have found myself acting more… childish? Maybe even a little infantile? I’ve noticed it a lot with the others. Just little ways they act a bit bratty, or they do something childish like stick out their tongue… I asked Ceres about this, and obviously she couldn’t tell me outright, but I’m pretty sure she hinted at it having something to do with the hypnosis. So I’ve come to the conclusion that they’re still pumping subliminal messaging into our nurseries whilst we sleep, making us regress, albeit a lot less than what they did to the regressed boys. Which… I’m not happy about… but what can I do? I opted to stay. And it seems to be helping. Nappies are just normal to me. I genuinely can’t even remember the feeling of underwear. And I don’t really want to… which is the part that worries me a bit. But I trust Ceres. This is to help us. We’re going to be better after this. Right? April The boys had their brains rewired again. Or whatever reverse hypnosis treatment that was required to bring them back to their adult selves. Their outfits changed back to the usual onesies and shortalls too, no more bibs and bonnets. Nappies were down to a single layer too. Everything reverted. Their personalities… didn’t. Mostly. Ceres wasn’t lying when she said they’d be back as better people after this ‘intensive treatment’, they were not the rowdy, intimidating guys that threatened us all and scared the Nannies. No… they were back to their quiet, timid selves hiding in the jungle gym… which meant it was back to being off limits for us all. Not that we cared much, most of the time we were huddled around the TV, often playing with toys or colouring. It was nice being part of a friend group like this. It’s a shame the treatment didn’t fix the boys completely, it was nice having them with us for those couple of months. May The babyish behaviour we exhibited was getting more noticeable the further into the year we were getting. We genuinely were often acting like toddlers… sometimes even babies. I swear I caught Rowan babbling a bit one time whilst he played with blocks. Were we just finally letting go and embracing it all… or was the hypnosis affecting us more and more as time went on? I guess I won’t find out until it’s all over… or unless Ceres decides to divulge more. Guess I should give a bit more of an update as to me… and my relationships. Me… well I’m managing. My mental health still isn’t really improving. Joy has been helping keep me grounded, she’s helping a lot keeping me optimistic that this is all going to help me in the end… but I still struggle with the thoughts… I’ve pushed all thoughts of what happened last year to the back of my mind. ALL thoughts. Especially Halloween and Christmas. And thoughts about who I really am. Even if I don’t know who that is. I guess I don’t really know who I am anymore. I’m just… existing… waiting for things to get better… waiting for this ‘treatment’ to fix me… If that can even fix me in the first place… I think the things that happened last year made it clear my issues are a little more complex than they first thought. But right now, I buried those thoughts as deep as possible, hoping they wouldn’t come back stronger like they often did. But hey, my friendships with everyone have gotten so much better over the past few months. Maybe not with the regressed boys… but the girls seem to really love spending time with me. They treat me like I’m one of the girls… which isn’t helping the feelings I’m trying my best to suppress. Ollie has been super clingy lately. So clingy in fact that Ceres got rid of the two separate cribs… and just got one big one for the both of us, as Ollie was struggling to sleep well when he was on his own. He still loves to cuddle me at night, but he still won’t talk about any potential feelings he has for me. Not that I’m going to push him… I’m not going to open my mouth and ruin things like I usually do. I’m okay with how everything is, I don’t want to spoil it by asking him how he feels about me. Ella is the same, though obviously she’s limited to the times in the playroom we’re together. I’m getting better at learning sign language thanks to our lessons with Vesta, and I’ve noticed Ella gets very clingy with me during that hour every day. Ceres has been showing more and more affection lately too, even going so far as to cuddle with me on the rocking chair, holding me in her arms as she sings a little. Ollie was asleep already for this, thankfully, otherwise I think Ollie would’ve gotten jealous. Not because he isn’t getting the same treatment… but because I was getting close with Ceres. He’s already a bit defensive around Ella… I don’t want him getting defensive around our Nanny just because Ceres may or may not be interested in me. But again… not rocking the boat. Months later… It was a pretty uneventful summer. We never got to experience the cold of winter or the meltingly hot summer that we’d normally experience on the outside… the temperature in here was controlled so it was always perfectly average. So there wasn’t any need for paddling pools or water guns or anything. Just usual boring baby stuff. Naps, changes, nursing, playing. Same crap every day. And summer is even more boring because there’s no special days like Halloween or Christmas. The most we could hope for was a birthday party, of which we got a few. Seems like we have a lot of summer babies in here. As for relationships… nothing changed. I’m still too scared to open up or talk about it with any of them. They don’t initiate anything. We just stay good friends. Everything stayed the same. Well not everything… We were all very much in a toddler mindset at this point. Even our conversations were mostly about toys or our childhood memories or kids movies or whatever. Very rarely did we even have an adult conversation. “So…” “Yeah?” I replied, looking up at a very excited Ceres from our crib. “It’s the end of August. You’ve all been very good little boys and girls…” “Are we moving up a year?” Ceres’ face dropped and she stared at me, sighing. “Noah… do you really have to spoil the surprise?” I looked to Oliver, who was sitting next to me in the crib, and he just shrugged. “I thought it was obvious too…” “You two are no fun…” Ceres said, rolling her eyes at us both. “But you love us anyway…” I joked. Ceres’ face turned red suddenly, and she quickly looked away, opening the closet. “Right. I’m going to get you both dressed, then you’re going to your first year graduation assembly!” ====================================================== A bit of a time skip, but honestly I didn't know of a way to do this without it feeling even more jarring. Being a baby 24/7 is boring! It's the same thing over and over again, and outside of a few things happening, it would have made for a boring story. I just hope that this time skip isn't too bad and you enjoyed it! Second year starts later this week! (and thats when the real story starts! ) Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday!Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post. And it goes without saying, my story is not to be used in any way to create AI work. Thanks!

Chapter 24: Christmas Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- Tw: Homophobic Slurs ------------------------------- Ollie and Ella came back shortly after… and so did Ceres. Watching her walk in… I saw her in a completely different light now that I knew she liked me. Or… at least people think she likes me. Which is apparently enough for my whole feeling around her to change. She settled Oliver next to me on a bean bag, before looking up at me and smiling. “What is it? Do I have something on my face?” she asked me, wiping at her cheeks for something that wasn’t even there. “No… just… happy you brought me here,” I replied. She began blushing as she stood back up. “Oh hun, I’m glad. I think you’re really doing well. Joy told me you’re responding well to your sessions.” “She did, huh?” Honestly… I don’t know what the point of those ‘therapy’ sessions is. It doesn’t seem to be helping. It’s the same crap that I’ve had to explain to every single therapist and counsellor I’ve seen in the past. I talk about my feelings, I hide my biggest shame, they make a few suggestions… and nothing changes. Yes, I know, hiding my biggest secret from them probably isn’t helping. But they wouldn’t know about that thing. They’d be as clueless as the specialists. Yes, I’ve done research. I’ve seen how shit it is for people like… like… I guess people like me… it’s still weird saying that. But yes, I trust Doctors and specialists as far as I could throw them, and I’m not very good at throwing. At least Joy doesn’t want me on any medication in here. I suppose regression is the treatment. “Yeah. She’s optimistic!” ‘More than I am…’ I thought to myself as I put the same fake smile on for her as I had for everyone in the past. “Right, are you ready for your presents?” Oh yeah… presents… with the whole ‘Ceres may like me’ thing, I had completely forgotten the reason we were all grouped together. A few seconds later, Jack and his goons were made to crawl into the main playroom, and they didn’t look happy about it. They sat near the wall and the rest of us were made to sit in a big circle as a familiar character walked past the perspex window. “Is that… did they seriously get a guy to dress up as Santa?” Harry sighed. “What are you talking about, little one? That is Santa!” Ceres said, smiling at the guy, who looked as unimpressed as the rest of us. “We know we did a Secret Santa. Just give me my present so I can go back to the other room…” “Alright grumpy gus…” Sophia giggled. “Okay little ones, quiet…” the room came to a silence within a few seconds, the Nannies really did hold so much power over us, they had trained us well so far and it wasn’t even half a year in! “We’re going to go around the room and give you your present. No one is to say who got who a gift. There is no indication as to who your Secret Santa was.” “I thought normally you’d reveal it at the end?” Maria spoke up. “Not here we don’t. So don’t reveal. I know you may know who your nursery partners’ gift is for, and they may know yours, but you’re not allowed to share that with anyone else, understood?” “Yes Nanny Ceres…” we all said together, like drones… just like we used to at school. “So… firstly…” They went around, giving presents out one by one, waiting for the previous person to open and react to theirs before handing out the next one. It was mostly just teddy bears, colouring books, toys… you know… the sort of stuff we already have access to here… but then what else are we supposed to get each other? It’s not like we have any games consoles in here or we can wear jewellery… and I think Ceres would put me over her knee if I asked if I could get Jack a bottle of whiskey or something. Then… it got to Ollie. He opened it to reveal yet another stuffed toy, though this one had ‘Noah’ stitched onto its chest. “I guess someone thought you couldn’t always have Noah to snuggle with…” Ceres said, giggling. Everyone else quickly followed suit and the whole room, even Jack and that lot, were all laughing at poor Ollie. Thankfully, aside from the extremely red cheeks indicating his embarrassment… he took it all in stride and thanked whoever got him it. I… I didn’t know how to feel. I mean… Ceres must have let it slip that he sleeps in my crib and snuggles me, because unless Ollie told someone else when I wasn’t around… which is unlikely… I had never shared that information with anyone. Not even Ella. Next… was my present. I quickly tore at the wrapping paper with excitement… removing layer after layer of this perfectly wrapped box. It wasn’t a big box, it was about the size of a wallet, but whatever was inside it was getting me feeling as giddy as I used to, back when I was a kid and I’d rush downstairs with my Mum to see a mountain of presents on the sofa and around the tree. When Mum was gone… Dad just didn’t give a shit about Christmas. We were lucky we even had a tree up most years. He’d give me a bit of money in a card and that’s it. No dinner, no presents, no Christmas spirit. Christmas died with my Mum. But this… this was actually bringing back that feeling I used to feel as a little kid. I didn’t care what was in the box, I was just happy that the festive spirit within me hadn’t died completely. Once the wrapping paper had been taken off completely, I opened the box slowly to find… a hair clip? This wasn’t just a normal hair clip though, this was a very decorative one. Nothing expensive, it wasn’t one that an adult would wear, it was very much a childish design intended for a small child or toddler, but it was made out of a silver metal and had a little blue metal flower on it. “Why…?” Did someone know my secret? Am I that obvious? Did I say something that outed me? I… I… I… “HAHA! LOOK AT THE LITTLE POOF!” Jack taunted from across the circle. “Jack… this is your first and only warning…” Ceres replied, sounding extremely scary right now. “Now you don’t have to keep tucking your hair behind your ear!” Sophia said, laughing a little, breaking the tension in the air. “Huh?” I replied, confused. “You do that a lot…” Ollie quickly added, laughing along. “I do what?” “Your hair… it always… gets in… face…” Ella replied, smiling over at me. “You tuck… behind ear.” “I do?” Honestly… I had never noticed this. Sure, my hair does get in my face a lot… but do I really tuck it all the time? Was it really that noticeable? “That’s my fault. The other boys get their hair trimmed every month or two… but I think the longer hair suits you, and I’d feel bad cutting your beautiful hair… so I let it grow,” Ceres said, shrugging and smiling at me. My nerves began to calm a bit. If everyone had noticed how much my hair has been bothering me, then maybe this isn’t a sign of someone knowing my biggest secret. I doubt there are many hair clips designed for boys… especially childish ones. “I… thank you… whoever got me this…” I said, using it to clip my hair back, getting it out of my face. It wasn’t much… but this small femme item filled me with something I could only describe as… joy. I had heard of gender dysphoria. I had also heard of gender euphoria. I had experienced the former for most of my life. But this… this is what that second one must feel like. Because as soon as I clipped it back… I felt a surge of… wholeness. Ella was next. She opened it and found the unicorn stuffie Ollie had gotten her… the one I picked out. Problem was… I’m pretty sure she thought it was me who got it for her, because as soon as she hugged it tightly, her eyes welled up with tears and she looked at me… and smiled. “Thank you…” she signed to me. I know I should have corrected her… but we weren’t supposed to tell who got who gifts. And… I guess technically I did pick it out for her, even if it was Ollie’s present for her. Thankfully Ceres moved it along, making the next person unwrap theirs, then the next, then the next… It was going smoothly. Everyone seemed to love their presents. Then it got to Jack. Hastily unwrapping his present, I was terrified at his reaction. I mean… What was there to hate? It’s a remote control car… surely out of everything I could’ve picked in here… he can’t hate that, right? Wrong. I couldn’t have been more wrong. But then… I don’t think I could’ve ever picked anything that wouldn’t have set him off. Because as soon as he unwrapped his present, he looked at the car and then looked up, staring daggers at every single one of us in the circle. “THE FUCK IS THIS?” he roared, making me tremble in fear a little. I couldn’t handle people raising their voices. Especially not men like him. My Dad did that enough. So I winced and shuffled back a bit. “Jack… calm down now… or else,” Ceres warned. Jack wasn’t listening right now. Jack was gone. Jack was sitting back and relaxing as the monster inside him took over his body. Whatever niceness was in that boy… if there is any in there… was taking a backseat right now. “OR WHAT, BITCH?” Harry and Frankie got involved, climbing to their knees, punching their open palms. “Ladies… help in here… code red…” she said, loudly enough to get the attention of the Nannies outside. Seconds later, an alarm was blaring and a flashing red light filled the playroom. Jack knew he wouldn’t stand a chance against the increased strength of Ceres. So he quickly turned around and grabbed the TV that was nearby, forcefully knocking it over onto the ground, then grabbed a large plant pot and threw it at my Nanny. “Jack… calm… now…” Minerva warned him. “And you two as well…” Juno warned the two morons that Jack called friends. “OR WHAT?” they replied, sounding like wounded animals. “YOU KEEP US LOCKED UP IN HERE, FORCE US TO SHIT OURSELVES. YOU THINK THIS WILL MAKE ME CHANGE? I’M NOT ENDING UP LIKE THAT LITTLE FUCKING SISSY!” Jack screamed, pointing at me with one arm. “Jack… this is your last warning…” Ceres said, calmly, trying to defuse the situation. He grabbed the DVD player out from under the TV and yanked it out, ripping out the cables, and went to throw it at one of the Nannies… but they were prepared. Before he could even get it over his head, one of the Nannies pulled her taser and shot it at the guy, pulling on the trigger, causing the muscular guy to crumple to the floor, dropping the DVD player and causing it to smash on the ground… Two other Nannies did the same with the other two boys, causing them to crumple to the ground and start squirming about. Security rushed in moments later, taking over the situation and pinning the two boys to the ground, handcuffing their hands behind their back. As they did this, the Nannies turned around and quickly rushed over to their pairs, scooping us up and holding us in their arms, hushing and bouncing us to try and calm us down as we were all still on edge from what had just happened. Ceres grabbed Ollie, then grabbed me, and carried us off towards the boys’ section of the playroom, heading straight through it, going in the direction of the nurseries. “Come on babies… let’s get you safe… let security take it from here…” she whispered to us as we rushed past our usual security guard, back towards our nursery. For the next hour or so, Ceres stayed in the nursery with us, sitting in her rocking chair. She had placed Ollie in my crib, but it was way too early to sleep or even nap, so we just sat there… awkwardly… Sure, we tried getting her attention, but she said not right now. She has to handle this mess. So as she worked away on her tablet, no doubt discussing with the other Nannies what just went down… I cuddled with Ollie, wondering what would happen to those three boys after what Jack just did… Some Christmas this turned out to be. Maybe… Maybe I’m just not meant to have a good Christmas. ====================================================== Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

But what about the other one? 🤭 Thank you so much for not only this lovely compliment, but also for reading my stories in the first place! I'm so happy you're enjoying this, and it makes me very happy to hear you're enjoying my monstrum series too! 😊

Chapter 23: Christmas Eve Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- Another month passed by. I still missed walking. Crawling was… fun… but I definitely missed using my legs properly and actually walking around. It was a lot quicker, and a lot less exhausting. I also missed using the potty. Sure, this was like nearly four months into my stay here, and I hadn’t seen, let alone used a potty the whole time. I was used to nappies at this point. Changes still made me blush, but by now it was just routine. Still missed using the potty though. Ugh. Potty. Even my language has been dumbed down here. Potty. Peepee. It was like I really was just an infant learning to talk when saying specific words. Early in December the Nannies got all excited, as one day we got wheeled into the playroom and suddenly everything looked very… festive. I used to be a very festive person… but when I lost my Mum… the magic of Christmas just kinda went with her. I’ve mostly just endured Christmas since, putting on my fakest smile so I didn’t ruin everyone else’s Christmases. So when they said we’d be celebrating it in here… I put on that same fake smile and went along with it. Apparently we’ll all be wearing festive baby clothes throughout the month, hence why I’ve worn a ridiculous amount of red and green onesies whilst crawling around the playroom. We’re also doing a Secret Santa thing, but we haven’t been given any details about it until today… and we’re already halfway through the month! Christmas age-appropriate movies on the TV, Christmas music coming from the speakers all day long… Everyone else seemed to love it… everyone except me. Even Jack and his goons were enjoying it, they seemed cheerier than usual, having moved out of the play gym area finally… and moving back into the boy’s only section. They quickly established that as their own private area, and have never once come out into the main playroom… which I am one thousand percent okay with. Especially as it meant we could finally get a turn with the centre of the playroom. They did seem to be following the rules a bit more, actually engaging with the program or treatment or whatever you want to call it. I even saw them colouring in some times. Though never with us, always by themselves. I don’t know what the Nannies did to scare them into obedience, but it was working, whatever it was. Because it seemed like it was just… overnight. Such a drastic change made me wonder if they had played with their mind or something… which was scary. But at the same time, I was just glad they weren’t expected to play with us, because right now… I don’t want anything to do with those morons. Everything got cheerier… happier… Everyone had accepted their place here. Everyone knew there was no chance at escape, it had been nearly four months now… and there was no gap in their security. Especially not when the Nannies could probably bench press a car. Everyone was enjoying this festive time. Especially Ollie and Ella. Both of them were feeling really festive, really getting into the Christmas spirit. Both of them… being really distant with me since Ella’s birthday. Ella and I still talked a lot during the day, trying our best to talk in sign so I could get better at it. Nanny Vesta moved my daily lesson to just before our afternoon nap, and Ella joined us. But the whole time… Ella seemed… distant. Like she didn’t want to get too close to me. Like she was scared of me. Well, not of me… but of getting too attached to me. We were still close friends, but we hadn’t touched since her birthday and I felt a little… rejected. Ollie was even worse. He has been so distant with me it’s like he’s on another planet. He’s friendly enough, but he talks to me like we aren’t close friends, often keeping his distance, often focusing his attention on Rowan or the girls rather than me. I know that really I should confront both of them, I should discuss this with them both and find the root of the problem and try to fix it. It’s probably a simple fix too, or a simple discussion. But there’s no way I can confront them. And they aren’t bothering to talk to me… so I’ve just been kinda… distant to everyone the past month. Doesn’t help that all this Christmas bullshit is making me feel even more lonely. “So, Noah… You’ve got Jack for Secret Santa,” Ceres said, in my nursery, with just the two of us here. The Nannies had taken each person throughout the day, taken them to their nurseries, and discussed what possible gift we would like to give for Secret Santa. At least I assume that’s why everyone left, as no one talked about it when they returned, and I only realised when Ceres brought me in here and told me this. “Really?” I whined. “Don’t sound too happy about it…” All I could do at that point was sigh. “You know what he’s done, right? And now I have to get him a fucking gift?” “Language. And yes. Because it’s Christmas.” “Christmas fucking sucks.” Oops. Seems as if my bad mood may have just earned me my first punishment in here… “Sweetie… you know you’re not allowed bad language in here. I’ll let you-” My anger and frustration with everything going on in the past month, along with my feelings about this time of year all culminated in one big outburst. “WHY? WHATS THE FUCKING POINT?” Ceres’ eyebrow quickly raised. And I knew I was in trouble. I could barely sit down. I had never been spanked like that before. To be honest… I don’t think I had ever been spanked before. Like… at all. And after apologising profusely, tears and snot covering my face, I planned to never earn another one again. She had thrown me over her lap so quickly, I barely had any time to react, as she pulled down my soggy nappy, exposing my bare arse, and she quickly gave me ten swats on each cheek. I was crying by swat number three. “Are you going to stop swearing, Noah?” she said as she held my arms, with me just standing there with my nappy hastily pulled back up. “Y… yes… s… s… sorry…” I mumbled, all the while sobbing my eyes out, wiping away the snot from my face. “Sorry what?” “S… sorry Nanny…” “Good boy. Now, can we discuss what we’re going to get Jack for Secret Santa like grown ups, I do I have to regress you further?” “There… there’s further than… this?” “Oh sweetie… of course there is. How do you think Jack and the others started to behave?” Shit. How? When? Like… if it got them in line… it must be bad, right? Surely she wouldn’t stoop to those measures… not when I’m good most of the time? This was just a one time outburst. Either way… I’ll definitely be watching my language from now on. In the end, I asked them to get Jack a remote control car from me. Sadly, because of the age we were currently at, or at least being treated as, it meant that the car was rather… babyish. It wasn’t one of those cool ones I had always wanted as a kid. But I think he’ll still appreciate it. It’s better than a teddy bear or a colouring book, especially when I don’t even know him very well. Shortly after picking out my gift, there was a knock at the door. “Hey Ceres…” it was Minerva… holding Ollie in her arms, his legs wrapped around her waist just like a baby. “Oh hey… what’s up?” “It’s nearly feeding time, and it’s Ollie’s turn to pick out a gift for Secret Santa. Figured I’d bring him in, you done with Noah?” “Yeah. Had a little… outburst… from him, but he’s decided.” I felt guilty as the two talked about me as if I wasn’t there. And the pain radiating from my backside still reminded me of my little ‘outburst’. “Want me to take him while Ollie picks?” Minerva suggested. “Nah, it’s okay. Noah can stay. Ollie didn’t get him for Secret Santa, so I’ll just let Noah rest in the crib for a while until I feed them.” “You sure? I better go get my two, no doubt they’re up to all sorts of mischief…” “I’m sure. You go feed your two.” “Talk to you later! And Noah? Be a good boy for Ceres, okay?” I nodded at Minerva, who quickly walked out the door, smiling at me. “You could get her a teddy bear?” Ceres suggested to my nursery-mate. “I guess…” Ollie replied to our Nanny, who was clearly getting fed up with Ollie’s indecision. They had been looking for a good twenty minutes now, and Ceres had suggested lots of good gifts Ollie could get for Ella, but Ollie couldn’t decide on a single one. Teddy bears, onesies, toys, colouring books… Ollie wasn’t sure what to get her. It wasn’t like he needed it to be special either, he didn’t care that much if it was special to her or not, he just wasn’t very good at deciding. Apparently he’s ‘terrible at getting presents for people’, which is clearly true. I had been watching from the crib the whole time, and it was annoying me just how indecisive he is. Like… I’m bad… but Ella… Ella was easy to get for in comparison to Jack. “Noah…” Ollie whined, finally talking to me like he used to before Ella’s birthday. “What do I get that girl? You know her best.” “Is there anything unicorn themed in there?” I asked, as I only got to see the boy’s section. “Why? Does she like unicorns?” “Didn’t you see what I got her for her birthday? Yes, she likes unicorns…” I replied, rolling my eyes at the clueless boy. “There’s… unicorn socks?” “Anything else?” “A unicorn stuffed animal? It’s pink.” “Perfect.” “Thanks mate…” I hated being called ‘mate’. Same with ‘dude’. Despite what everyone says… it’s such a masculine term. There’s nothing ‘gender neutral’ about it when it’s used by a guy. So as the words passed his lips, my whole body began to shiver. And not in a good way. “It’s… okay,” I replied, trying to pretend it didn’t bother me. He smiled up at me, and for the first time… it felt like he actually saw me as a friend again. So I returned the smile back. “Nanny?” he asked, turning to Ceres. “Yes, sweetheart?” “Can I sleep in Noah’s crib again tonight?” “Sure!” Even Ceres was taken a little aback by this. But I think she was as happy as I was about this development. Okay… so things improved with Ollie in the run up to Christmas at least. We were back to being close again, he was sleeping in my crib every other night, and he barely left my side in the playroom. Even the others commented about how awkward it was recently, but Ollie just shrugged it off like it was no big deal. Ella though… she wasn’t any closer, despite our lessons and everything. She still kept herself emotionally distant from me. Which suuuuucked. It was afternoon playtime in the playroom, on Christmas Eve. We had already been fed and had our naps, and we were settled down, ready to go back to our nurseries to sleep soon so that ‘Santa’ could deliver our presents. I mean… despite how we’re dressed, we’re still grown adults, none of us have believed in Father Christmas or Santa Claus in like two decades nearly. And then there’s the fact we’re doing a secret Santa thing… but apparently the Nannies want to ‘keep the magic’ or whatever. So as we sat there, all snuggled up in the bean bag chairs, watching a Christmas movie I remember from my childhood, I looked around to find both Ella and Ollie gone. “Where… where did they go?” I asked. “You zoned out again hun?” Ava asked, giggling slightly. “Ceres took Ollie for a change, and Ella went off with her Nanny to talk about something. No idea what though.” “I…” I think Ava is right, I must have zoned out during the movie because I don’t remember either of them getting taken. “I must have.” “D’awww… you worried about your girlfriend and boyfriend?” “I… what? No! They’re not…” Jess and Sophia leaned forward a bit. I think it was mostly Sophia doing the leaning, but because those two were practically joined at the hip, Jess kinda got brought along for the ride. “Hun… we’re not stupid. We’ve all seen the way you look at them. And we’ve seen the way all three of them look at you.” “I… no… wait… what? Three?” “What my very not-so-subtle girlfriend is saying, is that you seem to have three admirers…” Jess said, rolling her eyes at Sophia. “Three? Who… who’s the third?” I asked, confused. They both started giggling. But I genuinely had no idea who they were talking about. Unless… they mean… I mean… I know the old thing parents used to say… that boys would tease and bully girls they like… but I’m not… I’m… I’m a boy in here. Jack wouldn’t be interested in me… Unless… “Your Nanny…” Maria threw her voice into the conversation, though by the sound of it, and the sigh that followed, she couldn’t be bothered with any of it and just wanted it to be over. “Ceres? Wait… since when?” “Since always. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. None of our Nannies are like that with us. With the exception of maybe Juno with Jess and Sophia…” “Hey! We’re just extremely well behaved and she likes how cute we are together,” Jess then rolled her eyes at Maria. “Whatever. Anyway, yes…” Maria huffed, ignoring that last comment, and focusing her attention back on me, “Ceres clearly likes you. More than she lets on.” I… I didn’t know what to say. What to do. It was bad enough having two people liking me, all of us being too awkward to initiate anything… but to have three people liking me… What the hell do I do with this information? ====================================================== Ruh roh. Love quadrangle! Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks! I said I put a lot of myself into this... and his way of thinking was very much how I started off. Now, like 8+ years into my transition, I agree with you, but back, well over 10 years ago... I thought I could put it off and off, until I nearly broke. When I say I put a lot of myself into this story, I really mean it Awww I'm sorry the monster series wasn't for you, but I'm glad you're enjoying this one! I don't know if you caught up with the non-monster ones I've written in between, but check them out if you haven't already.

Chapter 22: Awkwardness Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- So when Ella finally had enough hugs and got off of me, allowing me to breathe properly once again, I started looking around for Ollie. “What’s up?” Ella signed to me as she knelt beside me. “O-L-L-I-E…” it took me a while to sign each letter, I’m still slow at spelling things out like that, but I got there in the end.” Ella just shrugged and looked around the playroom for any sign of Ollie. That’s when Vesta walked over, picked Ella up effortlessly, and checked her nappy in one swift motion. “I think the birthday girl needs a change… I’ll be right back!” “I’m sure he’s fine,” Maria said, patting me on the shoulder. “I think he’s jealous…” Ava commented. “Jealous?” I asked, confused. “Hun… I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” “Yeah, he’s like my best friend here.” “It’s more than that. I just don’t think either of you have recognised it yet.” “What do you mean? That he… he’s interested in me?” “Well duh!” Poppy said, adding to the conversation. “I mean… he does get quite clingy around you…” Rowan added. “But he’s not gay…” I replied. “Are you?” Poppy asked. “I… I’m not sure what I am.” “You totally are! Called it! Poor Ella…” Maria teased. “Hey no! I like girls!” I whined. “Are you straight then?” “I… umm… maybe?” “Don’t tease him, Maria… maybe he’s just bi but he hasn’t realised it yet. Took me a while before I realised I was into girls…” Sophia replied, shrugging it off as if it's not a big deal. “No forcing anyone to out themselves either… or I’ll tell one of the Nannies…” Maria’s face dropped and she looked genuinely guilty the moment Sophia’s voice turned stern. “Eeeep! I… sorry…” “Hey, it’s okay! I… don’t know what I am,” I replied, lying through my teeth. I know who I am. I just haven’t accepted it yet. And the more I’m down here… the more I’m realising I was in denial the whole time. Not just about my sexuality… but… the main thing… Not that that changes anything. I still won’t do anything about it. Not here anyway. This place is for healing. I’d get better… then maybe I’d decide what I want to do about all that stuff. Maybe… maybe it’s just my depression wishing for a better life, one where I’m not… me. I won’t know for sure until I’m in a better place and can figure things out with a clear head. And as I went over those reasonings for being a coward… I hated myself a little more as I realised I sounded just like all those arseholes trying to control the narrative and trying to push conversion therapy on people like me… Thankfully, I was brought out of my own head when Ceres walked past. “Nanny?” I called out. She stopped mid-step and turned to me. “Oh hey baby, what’s up?” “Have… you seen Ollie?” “Sure, kiddo. He came over to me and asked to go for an early nap and some quiet time in your nursery. I just got back from getting him settled down.” “Is… he okay?” “Yeah, why wouldn’t he be?” “WE THINK OLLIE HAS A CRUSH ON NOAH!” Poppy shouted, excitedly. Ceres just grinned, then quickly turned on the spot. “VENUS?” Ceres said, rather loudly, alerting the other Nannies standing outside the main playroom. “Yeah?” Venus replied. “You owe me twenty quid!” I didn’t hear Venus’ reaction, but I’m pretty sure I saw her mouth the word ‘fuck’. “Huh?” “Just a silly bet the other Nannies placed at the start of the year.” “What kind of bet?” Sophia replied, sounding rather judgmental in her reaction. “I… nothing. Just a silly thing. Of who would get a crush on who whilst they’re down here…” Sophia and Jess both looked at her like they were disappointed. “Hey… I was rooting for you two…” Ceres said to me. “I figured you’d get a crush on Ollie, just not the other way around though… Still, I won! I bet on my pair, even if I got it the wrong way round.” Everyone rolled their eyes at my Nanny, whilst I just sat there… dumbstruck. Like… she was actually predicting I’d crush on Ollie? Does… she think I’m gay? “What did the others predict?” I asked. “I… umm… I’d rather not say.” I could see her switching her gaze between me… and Ella. Then me… and Maria… Then me… and SERIOUSLY? DID THEY ALL THINK I’D HOOK UP WITH ALL THE GIRLS? I wish I was that good with women! Just because they talk to me lots doesn’t mean they’re all interested in me… right? “Wait… you think me and…?” Maria said, before turning to me. “Sorry hun, but you’re really not my type…” The rest of the girls all shook their heads in agreement… so now I’m not sure whether to see it as the biggest insult in my lifetime… or that I didn’t have all the pressure of multiple girls all wanting me. Ella though… Ella was awkwardly quiet. “Ceres… Can I go take a nap too?” I asked, sighing. This whole conversation was making me uncomfortable, I didn’t want Ella to feel put on the spot… and I was worried about Ollie. “You sure? You’ll miss out on the first movie…” Ceres replied, looking concerned. “Uh huh…” “Don’t worry girls, Noah will be back later for the second movie.” “I… hope… so…” Ella said, quietly to herself, thinking no one could hear her. As I was laying in the crib, I looked over to see Ollie fast asleep, with his back to me as he faced the wall in his own crib. “You okay sweetheart?” Ceres asked, quietly, as to not disturb Ollie. “Yeah… just… I wasn't feeling comfortable.” “Was it the bet?” Ceres looked… sad. Which instantly negated any ill will I felt towards her for the whole bet thing. Because everyone else's feelings always trump mine apparently. I can never just be upset… because if I am, they will feel bad… and I have to then comfort them, negating my feelings. Happens every fucking time. “It’s fine. Just a harmless bet,” I replied. “Sweetie… you’re suppressing your feelings, I can tell…” “Did… did you really think I’d have a crush on him?” “Do you not? I’ve seen the way you look at him. Sweetie, I’ve been with you most of the time over the past three months. I’ve seen how you bonded with him. Even early on I could tell you liked him more than you liked the other boys, even Rowan.” “I’m not gay though…” “Oh I know that too hun. I knew you’d bond with Ella too,” she said, trying to reassure me. “You did? How? How can you know all these things? You barely know me…” “I know you more than you think…” I laughed. “What, sweetie?” “Sure you do…” I sighed, knowing that she didn’t know everything about me. She knows me… the fake persona I put on for the rest of the world. She doesn’t know the real me though. No one does. Not even I do. “Sweetie, I’m good at reading people. I also like to think I know when people are going to hit it off together.” “Maybe so. But you don’t know everything about me.” Did… did I just say too much? “What don’t I know?” she asked. “I know you’re most likely bisexual. Or pan. Or demi. I figured it out from the start.” “What, are you like some walking gaydar?” I laughed, awkwardly. “What if I am? Or maybe… I just know from experience what it’s like…” “Are… are you bisexual?” I asked. “I am, yeah.” “When… when did you know?” “In my teens. When did you?” “I… didn’t.” “Oh…” she froze for a minute. “Oh hun… wait… had you not figured it out? I thought you did.” “Not until recently.” “So this is…?” “The first time admitting it… to another human being? Yes. Though I don’t actually know what I am.” “Well… I’m sorry for pushing it, hun. I didn’t mean to out you like that. I just… I thought you knew already. It was very obvious. To a lot of us here…” “Seriously? How many of you knew this before I did?” “Everyone but the other boys? Though people weren’t sure if you were gay or bi.” I mean… it’s a lot more complicated than that… but that just meant I could keep myself hidden a bit longer, get through this… then figure things out. “Well I think you have excellent taste. Ollie is a little charmer… and Ella is a hottie. Though you may have more luck with Ella, I’m not sure Ollie has quite come to terms with his attraction yet.” “I… has anyone dated before in here?” I asked. “What do you mean?” “Did any of the… babies... end up dating each other? Because I know Sophia and Jess are together, but they began their relationship outside of here and basically live together here… how does one even date if you’re not sharing a nursery? Not like I can take anyone for a meal somewhere…” “There have been a few relationships that started here.” “What happened to them, if I can ask that?” “One pair is happily married now. One pair broke up in here. One pair broke up on the outside.” “So mixed bag, huh? That doesn’t help…” “Sweetie, we are here to make better people. We aren’t a dating service. But we also know you are adults, despite how we treat you. And we know good relationships can help some people. So we do not forbid them here, but we will warn you early on that if it ends messily… you’ll be in constant contact with them for the next few years…” “So if we break up and it's bad… you can’t just move away… huh?” “Exactly. So if you want to start something with Ella… or with Ollie… you’ll have to be very careful, okay poppet? If you did, we would allow some freedoms that others may not have access to… provided you give us good behaviour and obedience in return.” “Obedience? That sounds a bit…” “Evil? Sorry, not my preferred phrase of choice. But it does instill the seriousness of what we require in return for freedoms.” “What kind of freedoms? If I can ask…” “We’ll allow you a date night every week. You will be alone… mostly…” “Cameras still on, I assume?” “Exactly. So no sex. But if you want to cuddle alone in your nursery, we can arrange that. Maybe put a movie on for just the two of you… that kind of thing. Maybe a nice romantic meal together… though you’d still be dressed as babies, and you’d have plastic cutlery. We can’t allow you to feel too bad, you’re here for rehabilitation after all.” “I’ll… keep that in mind. Maybe…” “Not wanting to ask either of them out?” “Too scared. Been burned before.” This… wasn’t a complete lie. I had been burned before, sure. But this wasn’t why I was too scared to ask either of them out. Rejection scared the crap out of me, even if it’s ‘assured’ they’ll say yes by everyone else. But it’s also rejection if things progress well… and I turn out to really be… you know… when I get out of here. What if I do accept that I’m that person, only to be rejected? Or what if they get out of here and realise that maybe I’m just a ‘regression institute boyfriend’, and that they’re no longer attracted to me? I don’t want to put in the effort, put so much of myself into the relationship to…” “Earth to Noah…” Ceres said in my ear. “I… oh… sorry…” I looked up at Ceres, who looked concerned. “You’ve been zoning out a lot. Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked, sounding even more concerned. “Yeah.” “Okay… if you say so. But don’t forget… you’ll be seeing Joy from next week onwards.” “Huh?” “Remember I said you’d be having therapy sessions with her?” “Oh… that was ages ago. I didn’t want to mention it but…” “Sorry hun. Joy wanted you to spend a bit of time getting acclimated to this place before she started opening up your brain…” “So next week?” “Yup. Hour long appointment every week. You and Ella will both have one each. Anything you say to her will be private. If anything… it’ll be the only time in here that will genuinely be private. No cameras, nothing. She won’t even share anything you tell her to us, unless it’s of utmost importance, like if there was a danger to you or other people.” That… sounded nice. I did have a lot of stuff I wanted to talk about. To someone. Someone that wasn’t one of the people it involved. “Right, I’ll be back to check in on you both in an hour, okay sweetie? Don’t want you to miss Ella’s second birthday movie.” I nodded and smiled at Ceres. “Thank you,” I smiled at her. “For what, sweetie?” “For being so… understanding.” “Hey, you’re cute. I can’t help it.” Her smile… it was so… genuine. It made my chest feel all warm and fuzzy as she turned and walked out the door, closing it gently, leaving me in darkness, alone with my best friend in the crib opposite… and all these thoughts swirling in my head. ====================================================== Noah opens up a tiny bit, finally! Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

Honestly so close to crying when I read this. This is the highest amount of praise, so thank you. That means so much to me. SO much. 😊❤️ I guess we'll have to see, but we're around 1/3 of the way through this story... so there's a lot more to go yet... and a lot can happen in even just a few chapters. So far my stories have helped people: Cry Laugh Feel little Feel subby Feel emotional Process terrible things going on in their lives When they're struggling I can officially add that my story has cracked eggs. What a list of accomplishments! I am so sorry for it, but I'm also so happy you've realised something about yourself and that my story could help you! Seriously, means so much to me. I wish you all the best as you figure things out and figure yourself out, whatever that may be. ❤️

Chapter 21: Complications Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- I think I fell asleep during the movie, because when I opened my eyes, I was being wheeled back to our nursery in our stroller. Rubbing my eyes, I shook my head to try to clear the cobwebs inside, and looked over to see Ollie twiddling his thumbs in the seat next to me. Ceres pushed us inside the nursery, closed the door, and turned the light on, before walking around the stroller and undoing the restraints. “Oh he’s awake!” she announced. “Did… did I sleep through the movie?” I asked as Ceres bent down and lifted me out of the stroller, holding me on her hip. “Yes hun. Both of you did…” Ceres giggled. “Both?” “You and Ella. You two looked so precious together. It was difficult getting you two apart from each other without waking either of you up!” “We… ahh…. Umm… we were…” “Snuggling? Yes. It was so cute!” Ceres squealed with joy. “Right… let's get you changed, then get you in the crib all snuggled up. “No… nursing?” “You’ve had your milk already, baby. And it's getting late for you both, so let’s get you out of your costume, followed by a quick nappy change, then off to sleep for the pair of you.” I blushed as she quickly stripped me of my costume, laid me down on the changing table and proceeded to untape my nappy, popping my dummy in my mouth when I wasn’t expecting it. --------------------------------------- “Aaaaand all changed!” she announced after finishing Ollie’s change. I was changed out of my costume and had my nappy changed, dressed in a cute blue footed sleeper, and put in my crib before she did the same to Ollie, picking him up out of the stroller and placed him on the changing table, popping his dummy in and quickly changing his very full nappy and dressing him in an identical sleeper. The whole time… he didn’t say a word. He was oddly quiet. I couldn’t help but worry that maybe I had said something or done something to upset him. Or maybe the movie was… umm… scary? Was it sad? Honestly I have no idea, I fell asleep before I could even see what movie it was. As Ceres lifted Ollie up, she was about to walk over to his crib when she stopped and leant her head forward a bit, as if Ollie was whispering something to her. “I mean… sure. If that’s what you want. And provided he’s okay with it. Want me to ask?” I saw Ollie nodding his head. “Noah?” Ceres asked, turning around. Ollie had his face firmly planted in Ceres’ shoulder, as if he was avoiding eye contact with me as I sat up in my crib. “Umm… yeah?” “Ollie would like to ask… if he can sleep with you in your crib tonight?” “I… umm…” I was a bit taken aback by this. Surely they wouldn’t have shown a horror movie. I know it’s Halloween, but they’re also treating us like babies… so surely it would have been something cute and not scary. So why would he want to sleep in my crib tonight? “It’s okay if you’d rather no-” “No! It’s okay! Sure. He can sleep with me… I mean… sleep next to me… I…” Ceres giggled as Ollie squirmed about in her arms and kicked his legs gently. “Come on then, scoot over…” Ceres said to me. Moving quickly to the side of the crib closest to the wall, as it was probably easier for her to lay him closer to the side that she’s at, I waited for my Nanny to place Ollie alongside me. I’d give him some space, so I rolled on my side so my back was to him. I figured he wouldn’t want me staring at him, and the crib isn’t that big… sure, we could lay side by side on our backs comfortably, but it was a little bit of a squeeze. I grabbed my side of my blanket and cuddled up into a little ball on my side as I felt a weight being placed on the bed beside me. “Right, you two be good. I’ve got some work to do. So get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning… Night night, sweethearts…” “Nini Nanny…” Ollie and I replied, our words muffled by our dummies, which still made us blush whenever we spoke out loud. As soon as the door closed and the light went dim so the room was only lightly illuminated, I lay there… awkwardly… not knowing what to say. I wasn’t used to having another person in my crib. I was used to watching him fall asleep on the other side of the nursery, not him being here with me, sharing the same blanket… Should I turn around? Should I say something? Should I ask why he wanted to sleep in here instead of his own crib? All these questions swimming around my head… and here I was just laying here, anxiously wondering which one should be asked first… if any. But before I could pick one, before I could decide anything… I felt something shuffling behind me. One foreign arm wrapped itself over me, whilst another one went under me, burrowing under my body. Wrapping themselves around me. As a warm, soft body pressed up against me from behind. And he began nuzzling my neck, getting himself comfortable. I wanted to ask why he was doing this. What he wanted. And why now of all times. But as I heard the faint snoring in my ear, I knew it was futile. I’d let him sleep. I wasn’t going to wake him up or disturb him. I… I kinda liked this anyway… So as my friend snuggled me from behind, spooning me, I let myself finally drift off back to sleep, wondering what all of this meant. -----------------------------Weeks Later-------------------------------- It has been a couple of weeks since Halloween now. Two weeks since I had cuddle sessions with both Ella AND Ollie. And neither one of them had brought it up or mentioned anything since. And I… being the useless, anxious piece of shit I am… couldn’t bring myself to bring it up to either of them. And what’s worse… is that that wasn’t a one off. Ollie now spends every other night in my crib, snuggling up with me. I want to ask, but I feel so fucking awkward asking him. I mean what do I even say? ‘Oh hey, why do you like to be the big spoon? Why do you like cuddling up with me? Do… Do you ‘like’ me?’ No… I can’t ask that! I tried skirting around the issue, dropping little hints to get him to open up about it, but he just acts as if it's no big deal. I mean sure, it’s not really. I really like cuddling him. Or at least him cuddling me, as it’s always me being the little spoon. Though one time I rolled over in my sleep and woke up with my head resting on his chest. Which felt so good… And Ella is no different! She’s been really affectionate with me, but she won’t talk about it. I feel like she’s flirting with me, but I’m useless at telling signs or doing anything about them, so I wait for others to make it extremely obvious. Maybe she’s as bad as me… which means we’ll never tell each other that we like each other and we’ll be stuck in this awkward friend zone forever, unable to admit our feelings. But maybe after today… that’ll be different. Because I’ve been preparing for this day for the past month. And Vesta says I’m ready for it. Her birthday. “What do you want to wear today for her birthday party?” “Can I wear my favourite dungarees?” I replied to Ceres, as she rummaged around the wardrobe that was embedded in the wall, only visible when she swiped her wrist across the scanner. “I think we can manage that. And you Ollie?” “T-shirt and jeans?” he joked, laughing awkwardly. “Want me to throw some big boy undies in too? Maybe some hair gel and some aftershave?” Ceres replied, playing along with him. “As if we even need aftershave here. You did something to our faces that prevented any hair growth!” he whined. That… was one thing I was massively appreciative of. Not having to worry about my facial hair or my body hair… It was like Christmas came early! Sure, the downside is that we don’t get any hair between our legs either… but hey, it’s not like I like looking down there anyway, so why do I care if I’m bare down there? I guess it’s more hygienic too for all these nappy changes. “Hmm… all out of undies it seems… how about a cute lion nappy and a pair of shorts with my favourite t-shirt for you?” Ollie sighed at this request. It wasn’t really a request, we all knew that. Ceres is nice enough to let us pick out our own clothes most of the time, but we know not to fight back if she really wants to dress us in something she likes. And the t-shirt in question… she really loved to see Ollie wearing it. The one that said ‘I’m perfect the way I am. The only thing that needs changing is my nappy’ on the front of it, along with a small picture of a cartoon nappy. You can see why she liked it by the blush on Ollie’s face right now. Grabbing the clothes needed for today, Ceres walked back over to the changing table, where I was sat, still restrained by the wrist supports so I didn’t fall off, but free enough that I could at least sit up. And as she walked up to me, laying the clothes down on the crib railing, she turned and did something I wasn’t expecting. She kissed me. Sure, it was a kiss on the cheek, but… she had never done that to me before. Forehead kisses are one thing… but cheek kisses? That made me instantly blush, my cheeks turning as red as Ollie’s were right now. This was the first birthday we’ve had since we were all taken, so none of us knew what to expect. If they went all out for Halloween, and I assume they’ll go all out for Christmas… I’m going to also assume that they do the same for people’s birthdays too… because think about it… they want to regress us, they want to turn back the clock and make us feel like babies again. What better way than a baby’s birthday party? I could already tell as we were wheeled towards the playroom that there would be decorations up, balloons everywhere… and they’d have a cake with like one candle on it. It’s extremely obvious. It’ll reinforce it in our heads that we’re only babies now, making us one or two at most, with everyone singing happy birthday. I just hope that Ella enjoys today… “Did you not get her anything?” Ollie asked as we went past the usual security guard. “I… I did…” I replied, nervously. He didn’t know I had been up an hour earlier for the past month or whatever just for Ella’s sake. I looked over to the other side of the stroller to see Ollie holding a little present in his lap. Ceres must have helped him pick it out. Or maybe he told her what he wanted to get Ella, then she and the higher ups procured it? Either way, I felt a little awkward, as my present wasn’t exactly something I could wrap up. Was I being cheap? Not that we have any money in here… it’s all covered by Elysium… but like… was I being lazy in not getting her a gift as well as this surprise? Too late now I suppose. At least I had had one last quick lesson with Vesta this morning. The last one I’ll ever have to get up early for hopefully… as she said that once Ella knows about my plan, she’ll arrange our lessons to include her at some point in the afternoon. “Here… I got you dis…” Rowan said, handing Ella a present. We had already played some party games at this point, the classics like pin the tail on the donkey, pass the parcel, musical chairs… and then they brought in a huge cake… with, I guessed it, one candle. After Ella blew that out, we sat down in a big circle and she began receiving presents from one person at a time, making her way around the circle. I was last, seeing as I was sitting directly next to her and she had gone clockwise, the opposite direction from me. Her smile grew as she quickly tore into the wrapping paper. No doubt Rowan’s Nanny had wrapped it for him, as it looked extremely well wrapped… something I can’t see Rowan doing. “Fank you!” she said, hugging it to her chest, before showing it off to everyone as we all sat in a circle. It was a new colouring book, one that was unicorn themed. Ella looked so cute with her little pink baby dress and her little party hat on. We all wore those stupid little paper cone party hats, but I think only Ella pulled hers off. So far everyone had gotten her some various toys or stuffies or colouring books. I think Jess and Sophia got her some new crayons, Ollie got her a little stuffed bear. Even Jack and his lackeys were sitting with us today, by order of our captors. He was on his best behaviour, apparently, as he just sat there rolling his eyes every time Ella opened a present. I could see it on his face… he wanted to make snide comments every time she spoke aloud… and I wanted so desperately to dash over and shove his snide comments up his… Anyway… He held his tongue… so I held back my anger. At least he was nice enough to get her a new hair bow, though I assume that was his Nanny’s idea. I very much doubt Jack had any input or care about Ella’s birthday present. Now… it was time for my present… Ella turned to look at me, the last one left. God… I hope she appreciates this… I want to make her birthday special… “Noah, what did you get Ella for her first birthday?” Vesta asked, playing dumb, knowing full well what I had in store. I took a deep breath, worrying even more that I had fucked up as Ella started looking around for a wrapped present from me, but looked somewhat disappointed by the absence of any sort of gift. Turning to face her… my heart racing… I had to make this special. It had to be perfect. Raising my hands in front of me… ‘Ella…’ I signed. Her eyes, widened in shock, began tearing up. ‘Happy Birthday… I hope… you… have… a really… great… day…’ She quickly signed something back to me, but I only got a bit of it, it was so frantic and emotional, and with my limited knowledge, I only got ‘you’ and ‘me’ from it. ‘Sorry… I am… still learning…’ I signed back perfectly, as I knew it would be a phrase I’d probably be using a lot early on, so it was one of the first I learned. Ella, teary eyed, looked up at her Nanny, who signed something. Thankfully, she spoke along as she signed so everyone else could hear, mostly me. “Noah asked me for lessons. He wanted to learn this… for you…” Vesta said, and signed. The whole room gasped. Well, everyone except the three morons. Jess and Sophia even squealed, quickly followed by the rest of the girls. Even the Nannies joined in with the excitement. “So that’s why Vesta’s been busy…” Venus commented, giggling a little. Ella signed something back. I think she said ‘for me?’ though I worry I may be wrong. “Yes. He thought it would be nice for you to have someone to talk to beside me.” Ella turned back to me, the tears in her eyes had grown exponentially bigger in the past few seconds, as she quickly signed something I couldn’t make out… and pounced on me, kissing my cheek and hugging me tightly. I returned the hug, wrapping my arms around her, squeezing tightly. “So… she likes it?” I joked. “You’ll be lucky if she ever lets you go now… I’ve never seen her like this with anyone before,” Vesta replied, smiling at me as I lay on the floor, covered by this cute, affectionate girl. In the corner of my eye though… I saw someone crawling away as quickly as possible. Someone wearing a familiar, very embarrassing t-shirt. ====================================================== This was a chapter that made a few people cry. And I loved writing every minute of it :3 I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

Chapter 20: Halloween Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- So in the end… I went with the vampire costume, so as to not raise suspicion. Every cell in my body hated myself for doing that, but what could I do? Tell everyone what I really am? Even though I myself am still not entirely sure? No… I can’t do that… So no, here I am, wearing this ridiculously babyish boys vampire costume, with Ollie next to me in the stroller wearing a white sheet over him with some eye holes cut out to make a really cheap looking ghost costume… as we’re wheeled into the playroom to join everyone else. As soon as we crawled into the main room, which was decorated in a ridiculous amount of Halloween decorations, I saw the girls already sitting by the TV, all dressed up in various children’s Halloween costumes. Jess and Sophia were, of course, in matching costumes, with Sophia dressed up as Bo Peep and Jess was one of her sheep. Maria was in a teddy bear footed sleeper with her face painted to make it look even cuter, Ava was wearing a little red riding hood costume, Poppy was wearing a Princess dress that I tooootally wasn’t jealous of… nooooope… And Ella… Ella looked just like Alice from Alice in Wonderland. She looked adorable. I crawled over slowly, finding a bean bag chair for myself and plopping my padded butt into it, relaxing comfortably, with Ollie doing the same. Then Rowan crawled over a few minutes later, wearing a ballerina costume, which instantly got all the girls going. “Lookin good!” teased Maria, giggling along with the other girls. Even Ollie and I couldn’t help but giggle. I mean… Rowan’s outfit even had a tutu… Then as we were all looking back at him, we saw the reason why he was dressed up like that… Jack. I swear, I was about to die from laughter. Big strong Jack… shoved very awkwardly into a ballerina costume complete with a frilly tutu… I suppose laughter is a better way to go than the way I had originally planned… “Why… are you both dressed like that?” Sophia asked, confused, trying to hold in her laughter. “Please don’t laugh too much…” Rowan blushed. “It was a deal we made. Jack… as you know… hasn’t been playing along. So they gave him a choice. Hypnosis… or wear something humiliating for Halloween that our Nanny picks out. He didn’t like what the hypnosis has been doing to him, so he opted for the latter. I… may have tried to offer a sign of peace… of camaraderie… and said I’d dress up the same if it made him feel any better…” Jack just continued crawling into the play gym in the centre of the room, his padded butt being fully on display, the leotard was doing nothing to hide the thick padding bulging through it. Then a couple minutes later… Two Princesses followed him into the gym, sulking the entire way… “I guess they got Frankie and Harry too…” I giggled. “Rowan… I think you look amazing!” Jess said. “Yeah, you rock it!” Maria added. I could see what the girls were doing. Lessening the humiliation for Rowan, because I mean… he was doing a nice thing. Sure, I still don’t think Jack is salvageable… I say good riddance to the guy, just let him flunk out, wipe his memory of this place existing, and let him go bother someone else. But then that’s just the memory of his fist hitting my jaw talking… I know in reality he deserves to be here probably more than most, but he was making everything uncomfortable, he was still a danger to me… and most importantly… I still wanted to play in the play gym! “So… Alice, eh?” I mumbled awkwardly to Ella. “I always wanted to dress up as Alice when I was a kid. And now I finally get to,” she wrote on her board. “Is Alice in Wonderland your favourite book then?” “Yeah! I love it so much. It was nice to escape to that book when I was a kid, whenever I was feeling down. I had a copy from my Grandma, but I lost it sometime in my teens.” “Well I think you look very cute.” “Thank you!” she wrote down, with a little smiley face next to it and a heart, before quickly scrubbing it off and writing something else. “I think you look really scary, good job!” I took one look down at my ridiculously childish costume, then looked back at her, raising my eyebrow at her… before we both burst out into laughter. After our regular feeding and our routine naps, once we were all back in the playroom, Nanny Juno walked in, with an empty two seater stroller. And when I looked behind her, I saw all our Nannies lining up each with their own stroller. “Right, before we take you back to your nurseries… we have a little surprise!” Juno said, smiling down at us. She tucked her shoulder length brown hair behind her ear and smiled. “You all get to go trick or treating!” “Umm… how?” Sophia asked. “Well, little Sophia… the Nannies from upstairs will go to various nurseries here in the basement, and you’ll be wheeled to each one. Now… you must say ‘Trick or treat!’ when they answer the door or else you won’t get any sweets…” “What if we want a trick?” Ollie replied, grinning. “Oh sweetie… if you want the Nannies to pick a trick, they will give you one…” “Wait… what? No, we’re supposed to-” “...With a spanking…” That shut Ollie up instantly. “Yes, I thought so… now, if you’re all good little girls and boys… you’ll get to eat your candy whilst we watch a cute children’s Halloween movie in here before bedtime. If you’re naughty… you’ll be going to bed early. Understood?” “Yes Nanny Juno…” we all said in unison, like we used to do in school. --------------------------------------------------- As we were wheeled up to the first nursery, on the girls’ side of the basement, Ceres stopped our stroller in front of the door and shuffled around it so she could knock on the door. “Trick or treat!” Ollie and I said together as the door opened, hoping we could be good enough to be able to eat sweets and watch a movie later. “Well aren’t you just precious! I love your little costumes!” the Nanny in front of us said, one with vibrant scarlet hair and a rather curvy figure, wearing the same uniform Ceres and the other Nannies wore every day. “This is Nanny Bellona…” Ceres said, introducing us. “You can call me Nanny Belle if you want, sweetpeas. I’ve heard you two have been very good for Ceres here…” Nanny Belle said, winking at the both of us, though I felt like her gaze was more directed on me. I guess they all know that I know a little bit more than the rest of my year, and I’m also guessing that this is some fun, informal way to introduce us to the Nannies that we’ll probably see next year… Because if Ceres had a pair before us… and they were last year’s year three… that means that we’ll see a lot more of the current second years’ Nannies when we move up a year, as they’ll be year three at that point… but we won’t see the current year three’s Nannies until we’re in year three… as they’ll be getting next years’ intake, which will be year 2 by then… right? So in year two we’ll get to know the current year two Nannies, and in year three we’ll get to know the current year three Nannies… because the first years, which is our year currently, are kept separated from the other two years… Right? As I tried figuring it out in my head, with even my rather logical brain struggling a bit to process it all… Nanny Belle bent over and put some sweets into our bags, the ones we were holding out. I know I was right, but trying to explain it to myself in my head was beginning to hurt, so I just focused on the fact that I’ll be getting to know these Nannies next year as we’ll be socialising with the year above. “You’ve got a couple of good’uns there, Ceres… You’re lucky…” “How’s Sia? I heard she was still being a bit of a handful…” “Oh she is. Still a bit resistant to some of the more babyish things, but overall she’s improved a lot since I first brought her in. She’s so much better than she used to be. I think it’s definitely working, but it’ll take her a little bit longer than Ellie.” “Is she still acting like Ellie’s big sister?” Ceres asked her. “Yeah, it’s adorable really.” “I think my boys will get on well with the girls upstairs. They’ve already become loved by all the girls down here.” “Popular with the girls, eh? That’s rare. But I’m glad! The girls in the second year could do with a more varied friend group. Second year boys are very much a typical boys club.” “Ah see, we’ve got that, but with Jack, Frankie and Harry.” “I’m looking forward to seeing what the others have dressed them up in…” “Oh you’ll love it…” Ollie interrupted, grinning. “Will I?” Belle replied, grinning back at him, making him blush a little. “Well I’m really looking forward to meeting them now…” “Trick or treat!” It was our last door now. So far we had met five Nannies, and each one was just the nicest person ever! And this last one also happened to be in our nursery, so it was weird having someone new open our door and greet us to our own place. But what was weirder… was she wasn’t alone. “Nyx?” Ceres asked, pointing to the adult baby fast asleep in the other Nanny’s arms. “She kept crying every time I left her,” Nanny Nyx sighed, bouncing the overgrown toddler on her hip gently, the girl’s legs wrapped around the Nanny’s waist as Nyx held her with just one arm. “So I asked and they said I could bring her down with me, stating it may be good for the first years to see a second year. Poor baby fell asleep as soon as I picked her up, but she wakes up as soon as I try to put her down.” “Who… dis?” I asked, quietly, as to not wake up the sleeping girl. “This, little one, is Ellie,” Nanny Nyx replied. “Dat’s a pretty name…” “She’s a little sweetheart. Fell right into her treatment, without so much as a fuss. I think you two will get along well next year, if Ceres hasn’t been telling me fibs about you two…” Nyx said to me, smiling sweetly. Ellie was a petite blonde girl, with hair very similar to mine, though hers was put up into pigtails and was a little longer than my shoulder length hair. She was wearing the cutest little pink babydoll dress with an enormous nappy peeking out from the bottom of it, resting on Nyx’s arm. Sucking away on her dummy… the girl looked so peaceful. If anything… this was it. Confirmation that this place works. I have no idea what she did to get herself kidnapped and put in here, but whatever it was… it’s clear she wasn’t the same person. She looked so… happy. Ceres and all the other Nannies and board members and everyone could make all the promises in the world and tell me about all the facts and figures and success rates… but seeing little Ellie here, in her blissful little sleep… that was more than enough proof that I was doing the right thing being here. As we were wheeled back to the main playroom of the basement, with a bag full of sweets in our laps, I couldn’t help thinking about that girl back there… Ellie. She was dressed so… babyish… more than we are! I thought… I thought they were supposed to be the second years? Surely they’re more like a toddler at that stage? Or maybe they’re still dressed that way until third year? Or maybe she wants to dress like that… I mean her Nanny did say she fell right into her treatment without a fuss. Maybe Ellie actually likes being treated like a baby. I know people like that exist, I’m not new to the internet or anything, I’ve heard about ageplay before. I just figured whoever designed this place was taking it to the extreme. Though to be fair… I don’t really know much about it myself, other than the old men from documentaries who dress as little girls. Part of me thought it was weird to actually enjoy this. But I think a lot of that was due to the other part of me… the part that was actually enjoying it. “Right, you’re all snuggled up. You’ve got your sweeties, and I’ve picked out a fun little movie for you all that isn’t too babyish,” Nanny Diana said, talking down to us as we all sat there in a little cuddle puddle, snuggled up with each other with blankets, ready for our movie. Bottles of milk had been distributed, along with cookies and the bags of sweets we collected just before we settled down. Everyone had been well behaved… everyone but Jack and his two cronies… who got an early bedtime. Thankfully Diana had had some empathy for Rowan and allowed him to join us, despite his partner being difficult. So as we cuddled up, with me in the middle of everyone… Ollie cuddled up on one side and Ella cuddled up on the other… I felt oddly… at peace… for the first time in a while and I felt a smile creep up on my face. This… this was what I needed. It may not fix me or my issues. But it definitely helps. And as the movie started playing on the large TV in front of us, I felt Ella next to me moving slightly. Getting closer. Edging over just a bit every few seconds. And resting her head on my shoulder, wrapping her arm around mine and cuddling me close. It was at that moment I had no idea what to do. Or what this even meant. I’m terrible at reading people. Does this… mean she likes me? Or does she just want someone to cuddle with? Does this mean she feels safe with me? My brain was working overtime trying to figure this out. I was about to have a meltdown in my head. So I flushed all worries and all thoughts from it, and charged forward with the only thing that I could think of… the only thing that I wanted to do right now… …And I gently rested my head on hers, carefully laying my hand over her hand and squeezing it. Then the suppressed worries and thoughts came rushing back and I was worried that maybe I had pushed it too far… or too quickly… ‘What if I misread the whole situation? I have a habit of doing that…’ But all those worries were instantly calmed when she snuggled even closer, trying to close in that inch of space between our bodies. ====================================================== Oh? What's that? The author put herself into her own novel? 'Ellie' sure does sound like a certain Fallen Princess... :3 I may have put a lot of myself into Noah, but I couldn't help but put myself into Elysium, with a different name. Because who of us wouldn't want to be cared for one of these super strong Nannies? (Sia is my big sis btw, another insert for my close friend :3) Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

What if it doesn't crack? 😯 or takes forever to crack? 🤭 Awwww don't be scared. Even if Noah doesn't get the Princess outfit it won't be the end of the world. It would suck though. Yeah... I denied it for yeeeeeeeears. It was not fun. It's been obvious throughout that Noah feels gender dysphoria. This isn't out of the blue. Hell, so many people figured it out from the first chapter or two. 🤭 *gender identity, but yeah I have. I didn't outrightly reveal it from the first chapter as I felt like I should lead into it. Most trans readers recognised it straight away though 😂 Because there's no twist or lead up if I reveal it in the first chapter. I made it have little hints dotted through until it becomes obvious that he is a repressed trans woman. I was purposefully vague. And yeah, the story has a lot of mysteries. It's designed to get people wondering what's going on and where it's going and to get you all commenting and theorising, as that's one of my favourite things.

Chapter 19: Bottled Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- Weeks six and seven were very much the same thing as week five. Now that we were all merged into one group, even if three members of it were still sulking in the centre play gym, it was a lot more… ‘Normal’. If anything, it reminded me of school. Which… I hated back then. But this is a lot nicer than school. A lot less bullying, especially with Jack not hanging around us. I did notice that he and the other two boys with him were wearing the same blue top and shorts that we were forced to wear in the first three weeks of being in this room. I swear I need to come up with a better name for this place, the Nannies just call it the playroom. But yeah, I did ask Ceres about this, asking why they were still dressed the same, and she said they hadn’t embraced their new reality yet. They were still resisting changes and feedings, they were still avoiding socialising (which I’m still 1000% okay with!), and so they didn’t deserve to dress in cute outfits. When they finally give in, and Ceres ensured they will give in, they’ll get cuter, more comfortable outfits. Though if they don’t break soon… she said she may have to break out the frilly dresses. Which made me instantly regret not acting out. But yeah, every day I’d wake up, get an hour lesson with Vesta, then be back in time to pretend to wake up around the same time as Ollie, as I was to keep this a secret, even from my nursery-mate. We’d be nursed, changed, dressed up… the usual. Then we’d be taken straight away to the playroom, where we’d meet up with Rowan and all the girls, and we’d just put something on the TV and chat, sitting in the comfy bean bag chairs. This would go on for a bit, usually talking about our lives before Elysium, or talking about what our Nannies had done or said to us, or about how cute Sophia and Jess were. Part way through week five, the girls wanted to shake things up a bit so we didn’t just get bored of talking to each other, so Sophia encouraged us to at least do some colouring or something whilst we chatted, or play with blocks. This worked really well, and it got us doing things together, often working together to build things or play with toys or whatever. Her Nanny was really impressed that she managed to get us all to do more infantile things. She got a ‘gold star’, which confused the hell out of me. Mostly because if there are gold stars to be earned, I NEED them! I didn’t even know what I gained from having a gold star at the time, but I knew I wanted as many as I could get. Apparently… It was a thing their Nanny did just for Jess and Sophia, to encourage them to act more babyish, rewarding them for embracing their new roles. And after enough of us started begging and whining to our own Nannies… all the Nannies got together and devised a system for us to earn a new currency: Gold Stars. These stars would allow us access to some benefits that we normally wouldn’t be allowed. Like a more adult dessert with our lunches, or to get to control what gets put on the TV for the day, or to get to pick our own outfit for the day. Different things would cost a certain amount of Gold Stars, that would be redeemed for the reward. And to encourage each other, we had a little Gold Star chart on the wall of the main playroom. Jess and Sophia were at the top. But that’s only because their gold stars from before carried over. Ella and I were joint second now, mostly because we didn’t really spend ours. The others didn’t have many gold stars, but it wasn’t that they weren’t earning any, it was that they were spending theirs as soon as they got them, as we were all earning Gold Stars, often for colouring something in to go on the wall, or for being extra good, or for talking like a baby to our Nannies… you know, anything that showed them we were really taking this whole re-raising thing seriously. The only ones not earning Gold Stars… were the three boys hiding in the play gym. I hated them. I hated them so much. They were so antisocial… and clearly hated all of us outside because we were actually playing along with our kidnappers. They kept refusing, often earning spankings and other punishments. Not once did they earn a single Gold Star. And what was worse… was that in the three weeks that we had been merged as one big group in the main playroom… I never once had a chance to play in the play gym in the middle of the room. They hogged it the entire time, hiding in there and talking shit about us (at least that’s what I assume they were doing). Anyway, once we had a few hours in the playroom, we’d be taken back to our nurseries for our afternoon feeding and a nap, then we’d be brought back into the playroom for a few hours before bedtime. We’d usually use this time to put on a movie and snuggle up in one big puddle, trying to wind down before bedtime. Nursing, bedtime story, sleepytime. Done. That was our day. For three weeks. Until… Halloween. “What’s so special about today?” I asked, as Ceres began excitedly getting me undressed and bathed in the little plastic wash tub, one just like the ones I used to be bathed in as an actual baby. The first time she put me in this I felt humiliated, but at this point nothing could humiliate me. “Why do you ask?” she replied, filling a jug with my bath water and carefully rinsing my hair, making sure to cover my eyes as she did so. “You seem more… perky… than usual…” Ollie lay in his crib nearby, avoiding eye contact, as I was sitting in the tub fully naked in the centre of the room. “Yeah… you do seem more… upbeat.” “It’s Halloween, silly!” she replied, smiling at us both. “Wait… it’s the end of October already?” Ollie asked, sounding really surprised. I worked it out in my head… yeah… it was week 8… which means it really was the end of October. Wow… it’s weird how quickly the last two months have gone. And how much closer it is to Ella’s birthday… Thankfully I was doing really well in my lessons with Vesta, so I hoped I could remember enough to have a very very basic conversation with Ella in sign by the time it’s needed. “Wait…” I sighed. “I assume by you getting excited for this… either you’re going to a Halloween party once you put us to bed… or…” She couldn’t contain her glee. “I get to dress you up in cute costumes for the day!” she squealed, clapping her wet hands together, spraying soapy water all over herself. “Wait, really?” Ollie seemed to perk up at this news… whereas I dreaded it. “Yeah! And because you two are such good boys… I’ll even let you pick your costume from the options available!” After my bath, I was thickly padded like usual, and left wearing just my nappy as I sat in my crib, whilst Ceres bathed Ollie. I didn’t care that much about seeing Ollie naked as he did seeing me in the same predicament, but to give him some privacy and to make him feel better, I avoided looking in his direction as the naked guy was washed by our Nanny. To pass the time, I admired what I was wearing. Mostly because up until this point I had just seen my nappies as a thing that I needed to use, due to them somehow taking away my potty training. They were humiliating but I needed them, so I pushed them to the back of my mind. But right now… I stopped and admired them for the first time. They were… they are… cute. I guess? They hug my hips really nicely, they’re nice to sit on, and they have very cute babyish designs that look just like the nappies I used to have to wear when I was an actual baby… and yes, I will admit (to myself only, I will never admit this to Ceres or Ollie or anyone!)... that I maaaaaaybe like them when they are wet. Maybe a bit too much. Look, it’s been eight weeks and I haven’t… you know… ‘played’... Ollie has. Don’t I know it… Pretty sure Ceres knows too, what with the cameras, though like me she hasn’t said anything. He’s tried to be stealthy about it, but I know he can’t go two days without jerking it in his wet nappy in the night, when he thinks no one is watching. …It’s actually kind of adorable actually. Look, I didn’t think I’d ever say this but… his moans… were kinda cute. Me on the other hand… I was determined to not do… that… with anyone present. So as pent up as I am… I keep it together. As best I can. Maybe. Okay… maybe I squirm a lot in the night. But with no ‘release’... it was probably just making me worse than if I had not done anything at all. Once Ollie was washed, and once he had a nappy taped around his waist, he was carried over to my crib and placed inside it. There we sat, two of us naked except for our nappies, as Ceres walked over to the rocking chair, picking up her tablet and bringing it over. “Scooch over a little, let me sit in the middle…” she said. Ollie and I quickly moved aside, giving her space to park herself in between the two of us. “Right, I’ll show you a bunch of costumes. You two pick one each.” Opening up a web page, she began scrolling down a gallery of various cheap Halloween costumes, each one being modelled by someone and each one was a moving image. The costumes weren’t realistic in the slightest, but then I guess when you’re dressing up a baby for Halloween… you’re not going to go ‘horror’… you’re going to go with clowns and vampires and princesses. Princesses… As she scrolled, I noticed the most beautiful Princess costume. It looked like one of those Princess dresses you’d see little girls wearing when they go trick or treating. Even came with a little crown! It was purple and looked like it was made out of satin or something, as the fabric in the moving image shimmered. Oh how I wanted so badly to ask for that. But that would out me instantly. And ruin everything. Ollie would hate me. Ceres would think differently of me. Ella… Ella would probably stop being interested in me. And Jack… Jack would probably kick the shit out of me. He’s already made it pretty damn clear he hates ‘f##s’. But I mean… am I even sure that’s who I really am? I’ve been suppressing it for so long. Told myself that I can’t be that. Growing up they were seen as freaks and weirdos. Things have gotten better since I was a kid… but it’s still not great. Took me years to finally accept that maybe… maybe that’s who I am. Every time I suppressed it, the feelings came back… more intense… everytime kicking my arse and sending me spiralling into an even worse depression. Hell… it’s why I was on that bridge nearly two months ago now. Ceres still thinks it’s general depression mixed with the being dumped thing… but that’s far from the truth. I couldn’t give a shit about getting dumped. She wouldn’t have accepted me if I had actually decided to do anything about these feelings. She didn’t love me… she loved the idea of me. The guy that she fell for. The act I put on. The persona of a guy that never truly existed. When I got ‘inducted’ here (which yes, is just a nicer way of saying drugged and kidnapped), I put those feelings behind me, hoping that maybe it would all sort out by whatever this program was. But with everything being so… gendered… with me being forced to be with the boys again, just like back at school… the feelings came back even harder than ever. There was no bottling it up now. I was going to have to deal with them at some point. And soon. So as I stared at that Princess dress, imagining myself wearing it… I felt a nudge. “You okay, baby?” Ceres whispered. “I… wha?” “You go somewhere fun?” she giggled. “You were zoned out a bit there.” “I… I’m ok.” “Is there a costume you prefer? I saw you eyeing the vampire…” I looked back at the screen to see a vampire costume right next to the Princess one I had been really eyeing the entire time. A very masculine vampire costume… “I…” I tried to speak up. I tried to say I wanted the Princess costume. But… there was no way I was admitting that. Not now. I’d just screw everything up. No… I’ll keep these feelings to myself. I’ll bottle them up. I have to. And then maybe… just maybe… I’ll return to them once I’ve ‘graduated’. ====================================================== Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

Hey no, it's okay! Noah's egg hasn't quite cracked properly. He hasn't accepted who he really is. Either pronouns are fine at this point in the story

Chapter 18: Purple Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- Day 2 of us all being mixed together. Jack and his two stooges still occupied the centre play gym area climbing frame thing. Look, I don’t know what to call it. I used to call them jungle gyms, but I don’t actually know what they’re called. They’re like the play areas you’d find in children’s parks, but this was sized up for adults. It had things you could climb on, a slide, lots of tunnels to climb through… it was a large structure that was mostly plastic and that soft cushiony stuff for play areas… and the three morons were hogging the damn thing! But right now, I didn’t care. I was still on a high. Because I woke up an hour earlier than usual, which isn’t too bad considering they let us sleep way longer than the 7 or 8 hours adults are supposed to get. But then I guess we’re not really considered adults anymore, are we? We’re adult-sized toddlers. Well… adult-sized babies more like. I think the years upstairs are more like toddlers, we’re the infants. Ceres got me out of my crib, changed my nappy, then dressed me in a cute pair of shortalls and a purple onesie. This was… weird. And no, I’m not talking about the onesie itself, it was the fact that we weren’t dressed in the same blue onesie we’d wear to bed, nor the blue t-shirt and shorts combo that we’d worn every day for the past three weeks or so. “What?” Ceres asked. She must have figured out I was dying to say something, because she stopped mid-getting me dressed, and folded her arms. “You don’t like it? I think purple suits you…” “Yeah but… why purple? We’ve been wearing blue for weeks… and the same outfits!” I said quietly, as to not wake up Ollie, who was sleeping soundly in his crib still. “Merged groups means we can finally dress you up! I’ve been so excited for this! I can’t begin to tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to dressing you and Ollie up!” “I… what?” “Well yesterday is a one off, it was technically the last day of you being put into strict boy/girl groups, and making sure you have outfits that reinforce the mentality that you’ll be stuck here.” “Like prison uniforms…?” “Shush. But… yes.” “So why can you change that now?” I asked. “What's so special about merging that lets you stop treating us like prisoners?” “Well it's a month in. By now you all know you’re not going anywhere. You’re stuck here. Any escape attempts have been thwarted, all major acts of defiance quashed. Today is the day we finally get to dress you up in better outfits! And oh my gosh, there’s so many cute baby boy outfits! Not as many as baby girl outfits, but it’s still good.” “So they’re… still gendered?” “Yeah, purple is the closest I can go. No pinks, no reds, no yellows. And has to be a deep purple, can’t be lilac or lavender.” “Who comes up with these things?” “Sweetie… I have no idea. The board has experts on this stuff. They decide everything. Hence why everything is gendered so heavily. Something about allowing you to grow up properly, like you should have been. And the gender stuff just reinforces it. I think. Again, I’m not a psychologist. I’m just a gorgeous, amazing, super strong Nanny!” she said, smiling and winking at me. “I… like the purple.” “You do? What’s your favourite colour, sweetie?” Obviously I couldn’t say what I wanted to, there are rules here, even if I think they’re ridiculous. “I like really light blue. Like… Alice!” “Wonderland Alice?” “Yeah!” “D’awwww! You even look a little like her, actually! If your hair was a little longer…” she squealed a little, gushing over me. I blushed and tried to hide my face as she slipped some velcro trainers on my feet, fastening them tightly. “But I think purple is my favourite colour,” I lied, hoping it’d result in me getting to wear more purple things. “Then I’ll try to pick out more purple things from now on, cutie.” Ha! Knew it! Just like I planned. “Does Ollie get to pick too, or am I special because you can talk freely like this to me, due to my unique situation?” “Nah, he can get a bit of a say. Though I am warning you, that doesn’t mean you’ll always be dressed up in your favourite colour. If I think you’ll look adorable in something, I will dress you up in it, no matter what colour!” she giggled. I loved her giggle. It just put a warmth in my breast that reassured me that I was making the right choice by trusting her… and by trusting this place. After I had been dressed, she didn’t bother with a stroller, instead she just picked me up and rested me on her hip like before, carrying me out of the nursery. “You’re up early…” said the guard we always greeted daily. “Couldn’t sleep?” “Oh no,” Ceres replied, “this little one is getting special lessons from Nanny Vesta. And with the schedule so…” “...Strict?” “Yeah… with it so strict, this is the only time we can do the lessons.” “Special lessons, eh? Never heard of them before.” “It’s a new thing just for him. Maybe I’ll tell you later, sorry but I don’t want to keep Vesta waiting…” “Oh of course… go on through, Ceres…” And so that morning, Vesta taught me some basic sign language. She started off with the very basics, just signing stuff like the alphabet, and the whole time she teached me like she was teaching a baby… which I guess is apt considering where we are right now… It was a lot of fun though, I must admit. I promised I’d keep practicing during the day, though I think I’ll have to be very careful when and where I do practice, if I want to keep it a secret from Ella. I was really looking forward to surprising her on her birthday. I hope she likes it… But yes, anyway, back to the rest of today. It was going well, though we mostly just hung out around the TV area, chatting again. Everyone was discussing their lives outside of this place, before they got kidnapped. Where they worked, where they are from, what kinds of people their friends and family are, that kind of thing. Some had some… less nice lives, some had nicer lives which they didn’t appreciate until they were taken away from them. It was going to be interesting to see what they want to do when they ‘graduate’. Because the way some of them talked about their parents or their friends… made it seem like they were glad to be away from them. Me… I’m still not sure what I want at the end of this. I just hope I’m happier, that the desire to end everything fades… though maybe that’s just wishful thinking at this point. Maybe they’ll get me to a better point, but they’re not miracle workers… are they? Thankfully, they all avoided asking me about my situation, given my mental health, which I really appreciated. I could have talked about it to them if I wanted to, but there was no pressure. After the three weeks of awkward silences and split rooms in the boys section… It was nice to actually be in a big group of… well… friends. I know it's only the second day, but everyone is already so nice! I’d happily consider them friends. It was also great seeing Rowan opening up. Ollie was still a bit awkward, but he was trying. It’s obvious his friends are mostly guys, he really didn’t know how to talk to the girls. Ella even contributed to the conversation, though she had to resort to using her board the whole time, and she missed a lot of what we were saying, asking us to write down what we said on her board. Her lip reading is amazing… but it’s not perfect it seems. The smile on her face made me worry less though, she was clearly having a good time and felt included. Jess and Sophia though… oh my god they were so adorable together. Like… it was so obvious that if this place had tried to only kidnap one of them… the other probably would have broken in just to join them, or broken them out. And I don’t think Elysium could’ve stopped them! They couldn’t keep their hands off each other, constantly cuddled up with each other, planting little kisses on each other when they thought no one would notice. Even kissing when people were watching. They just didn’t care. Then their Nanny, ‘Nanny Juno’ apparently, casually walked in and checked their nappies. Finding them both to be messy, she lifted them both up, one on each side of her hip, and carried them out of the room. Neither of them put up a fuss, and they didn’t even seem to care that they were messy. Most of us still blush, but those two just shrugged and let themselves be carried off for a change. “We won’t see them for an hour or so…” Maria said, rolling her eyes. “Oh?” I replied, confused. “She takes forever to change them. I think she gives them an extra nursing time too, as they always look a bit drained when they come back.” “Weird…” It was even weirder that everyone just nodded along, as if talking about being nursed was just a normal thing by now. Ollie, Rowan and I never talk about it. We keep shush about the messing, the nursing… everything humiliating we just keep to ourselves. But the girls seemed to have no fuss about nursing. “What’s up?” Ella said, this time without using her whiteboard. “Wait… what? Ella speaks?” Ava replied, seemingly shocked by this revelation. “Wait… she’s not spoken to you? Not even you Maria?” I asked. “Nope. Wait… she has with you? Is that why you two were alone together yesterday?” “D’awwww!” Poppy said, squealing a little. “Ella has a crush on Noah!” Both Ella and I froze. Our cheeks turned bright red at exactly the same time. “I… umm… no, she just… she just wanted to talk to someone in the same boat as her. That’s all!” I replied. “And she spoke to you! So you must be special…” “ANYWAY… Ella… what did you say?” I asked, trying to change the subject quickly. Ella was too embarrassed to speak again, instead opting to write out her sentence and show it up for me to read. “What’s up? You seem… embarrassed…” it said. “Well yeah I am now! Being put on the spot like that…” “No… when Maria mentioned nursing… you looked flushed…” she wrote. “D’awww! Is Noah all blushy about nursing?” Poppy said, in that same voice she just used moments ago. “I… shush! Aren’t you?” I replied, sounding extremely defensive right now. “Nah, we got over it,” Ava shrugged. “How?” “They’re boobs. Look, we already… pooped… ourselves. What’s the issue with nursing on some hot girls' tits?” “Sure, it was embarrassing at first. But it helps when you’re all in the same boat and you discuss it. It becomes… normal. Not this weird taboo thing,” Maria said, shrugging herself. “So you’re all… just… okay nursing on some woman’s breasts?” Ollie asked, finally speaking up, looking as embarrassed as I looked right now. “Feels good. And we’re told we need to do it here. So we do it. Did you not talk with the boys about it so you could stop feeling awkward?” I didn’t say anything, I just pointed at the jungle gym. “Oh… yeah… no wonder…” Ella wrote down. “Typical boys…” Maria said, shrugging. Okay… that one hurt. Like… a lot. I hated being lumped in with the other guys. Always have. “Well let's talk about it now then!” Poppy suggested. “We can help you!” ---------------------------------------------------- Okay so that night, when Ceres was nursing me… it was still a bit weird. I still blushed, I still felt awkward… but after the talk we had with the girls earlier in the day, it just felt… better. Not normal… I’m not sure it’ll be normal for me anytime soon, but it was definitely easier. The people running this expect us to do it. And hey, I’m also not going to lie to myself… I enjoy it. And it’s not like it's taboo here, it’s just a normal thing we all do twice a day. Three times in the case of Jess and Sophia. Maybe… maybe I can try feeling a bit normal about all this baby stuff? I mean, using my nappy isn’t that bad… I guess. It’s still weird. But… I’m not as grossed out by it. And changes seem more natural too. I’m just glad I’ve finally met the girls. And what’s even better is that they seem to like me. …Especially Ella. ====================================================== Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

Chapter 17: Questions Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- “Why did I want to end it all? Umm… because I was lost, I guess?” I replied. Ella didn’t write anything down, she didn’t even move a muscle, she just sat there, nodding in response, as if she understood me. “I just… I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff since I was really young. And over the years things have gotten progressively worse. And I just kinda… hit my limit with it all, you know?” She just nodded in agreement, looking… almost upset. “Sorry… I don’t want to bring the conversation down. How about I ask you a question now?” She nodded in excitement. “Right, this doesn’t count as a question, right? But… Can I ask about your… your deafness?” She took a second to think, before smiling back at me and nodding again. “Were you born deaf or did this happen at some point?” She quickly wrote something down. “I always had limited hearing, but it got worse when I was really young. My turn?” I nodded back to her, smiling. I’m glad she’s comfortable enough around me to talk about this. Though I bet she gets all this way too often, and I’d really like to know more about her, not just her disability. “Do you self harm?” she asked. “Have done in the past. But not for a while now. And never did anything that would leave a mark. I saw yours… how long have you been doing…?” I went silent as she quickly wrote something down. “Since my teenage years. I was bullied because of my deafness. So I hate myself. Umm… can I ask how you tried… to… ‘you know’…?” “Nearly jumped off a bridge onto an empty motorway. Ceres grabbed me and yanked me back with that crazy super strength of hers,” I said, laughing awkwardly. “I’m glad she did,” wrote Ella. “Umm… do you have to write everything? Can you speak?” I asked, before quickly worrying that I had been insensitive in asking that. “I can. I sound stupid though. So I stick to signing with Vesta, and I have my board for people like you ” “I bet you don’t. I bet you sound lovely. But if you’re not comfortable, that’s fine.” Ella looked around for a second, nervously, as if she was actually contemplating talking for me. Then she opened her mouth. “I…” My heart skipped a beat as she spoke for the first time around me. At least the first time I had ever heard her. I didn’t say anything, didn’t move a muscle, because I didn’t want to interrupt her or put her off, so I just sat there, patiently waiting for her to pluck the courage to talk. “I… sound stupid…” She really didn’t. Sure, she sounded a bit like the stereotypical deaf people on TV, you know the kind… their voices sound a bit monotone, just because they haven’t been able to hear the natural inflections in speech to learn them. But she definitely didn’t sound stupid. Honestly… She was adorable. “Shush. No you don’t. You really don’t. You have a beautiful voice. But if you’re not comfortable using it, we can go back to the board…” “I… I’ll keep it up… for a bit…” she replied. “Just don’t force yourself, okay?” She smiled and nodded at me. “So who… whose turn is it?” she asked. “I think it's yours, go ahead!” “Umm…” she trailed off, trying to think of a question. “Do you think this place will actually help? Vesta promised me it would, that's why I agreed to come with her. I’m not so sure though.” “So you were given a choice?” “My question first!” she blurted out, giggling. “Sorry, I’ll answer yours first. I… hope it will. I’m not sure how. But they apparently have a high success rate. And I trust Ceres.” “Your Nanny seems nice. I was glad she stood up for you. If she didn’t, I would have…” “I’ve got a feeling you girls are going to be very protective of me…” Her smile grew twice as big as she nodded happily. “We’ll keep you safe. That Jack… he seems… not friendly. We heard stories of him…” “He took a swing at me, knocked me out cold.” “WHA?” “I may have put myself in the path of his fist though. He was about to hit Rowan…” Ella shuffled forward, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. “Please be careful.” “I will, don’t worry. I’m not usually one to get into fights. Complete opposite really. But… I couldn’t just let him hit Rowan like that.” “You’re too kind, Noah…” “Thanks.” “You’re not like the others. They all… they’re in here for a reason. We… We’re different,” she said, looking awkwardly at the floor, before looking back up when I began to talk. “I know. But hey, we all need help. And maybe they’ll be able to.” “I hope so.” We talked for a good twenty minutes or so, before Vesta walked in, holding two bottles of milk. “Hey kiddos… you two getting along?” “Uh huh!” Ella said, stretching her arms out, doing the ‘grabby hands’ pose I had seen plenty of young children do when they want something. Vesta walked over, handed Ella her bottle, then reached down and offered me the other. “No board?” she said to her friend and charge, surprised. “Nuh huh!” Ella replied, proudly. Once I took the bottle of milk, Vesta signed something to Ella, which made the girl put her bottle down between her legs, and sign something back. I had no idea what they were talking about, it was like their own little secret language, but I hope things are okay. “Well, Noah… seems like you’ve got a new friend. She likes you…” Vesta said, laughing. Ella’s cheeks turned bright red and she pouted just like the toddler she was dressed as. “I like her too. Ella’s really lovely,” I replied. “Ella… I think you need a change though, sweetheart.” Ella looked down, guiltily, picking up her bottle and teasing her lips with the teat, as if she was hoping Vesta would just get bored and go away, which was adorable. “Come on stinky…” “No stinky!” she pouted. “Sure you’re not… Come on kiddo…” Vesta lifted the adult woman up as if she really was just a small toddler, holding her on her hip and looking down at me. “Don’t worry, you two can play more once I’ve got that mushy butt of yours changed…” Ceres used this opportunity to quickly sneak in, without me noticing, and pulled the waistband of my nappy back. “Looks like I’ve also got a lil stinker on my hands…” “Eeeeeek!” I squealed, covering my blushing face and dropping the bottle onto the carpet. Thank god it was in a baby bottle, otherwise that would’ve spilled everywhere. “Are you doing okay, kiddo?” Ceres asked as she bent down and ruffled my hair. “Umm…” I replied, my sentence drifting off. “What’s up?” “I… I wanna talk to Ves… Nanny Vesta…” I mumbled, nervously. “Well go ahead, before she goes…” “Can… I talk to her in private, maybe?” “One second…” Ceres said, before popping my dummy in my mouth and standing up straight, calling out to her colleague before she could leave. “Vesta?” “Yes dear?” “I think I’m going to need a hand with this one. Mind putting off Ella’s change just to help me with my little one? I’ll help you with her afterwards.” Vesta looked at her with confusion plastered across her face. “Sure? Ella… you be a good girl, okay? I’ll be back to change you in a bit. Just stay in here, okay baby?” Ella was just as confused, but she smiled and nodded at her friend, before being settled down on her messy and very thickly padded backside, her smile turning to a frown as she probably just felt the mess spread. “Why do you need help with Noah?” Vesta asked as we entered a room that looked to be designated entirely for nappy changes. One I hadn’t seen before, as this was out through the main door in the centre enclosure, off in a completely different direction to the dorms. Ceres had sat me down on the changing table, rather than laying me down. “Noah wanted to speak to you,” she replied. “Oh? What about?” Taking my dummy out of my mouth so that I could speak properly, Ceres then signalled to me to say what I wanted to say. Problem was… I was hoping to do it alone, but then I guess it’s not too bad if Ceres hears. “Umm… About Ella…” I began, my nerves causing my body to shake. “Yes?” Vesta’s eyebrow raised. She sounded very defensive right now, clearly they are extremely close friends. “Umm… I was wondering… how annoying is it for her to have to use her board for everyone?” “She deals with it. Though it can hurt her wrists if she’s not careful. Why?” “H… how easy is it to learn sign language?” In an instant, Vesta’s tough bodyguard act faded. “Why? You want to learn?” she asked, surprised. “If it’ll make it easier for her to talk to me… yeah…” “If you do a bit of practice every day… you could learn the basics within the year. I think it takes a few years to become fluent. I’ve known Ella since we were both kids, and it took me a few years. I think it was quicker for me seeing as I was practicing lots every day just by talking to her. So if you were to do the same… maybe you’d be able to be fluent by the time you graduate?” “But to have a basic understanding… I could do that this year?” “This school year, as it’s only a few months off Christmas. So by next September… you’d probably have a good understanding of the basics.” “Is… there any way I could learn without her knowing? I was hoping… to learn it and then surprise her…” “All this for a girl you just met…” Vesta giggled. “But she is special, I get that. It’s why I care so much about her. To be honest though hun, you’re better off learning by talking to her. She’s much better at it than me.” “Could I at least learn some before? I want to put a smile on her face by surprising her with a bit of sign language.” “I guess I could teach you. But we’d have to figure out a schedule.” Ceres finally spoke up. I had completely forgotten she was still standing there. And as I looked over at her, she was nearly tearing up. Thankfully they looked like happy tears. “How about I wake Noah up an hour earlier than the planned schedule? That way you’re not busy with your girls. I could even tune in to the camera feed to keep an eye on them while they sleep.” “You’re making me wake up an hour earlier?” Vesta sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose with her fingers. “I’ll buy you a coffee…” Ceres smiled, using her most tempting voice to try and win over her colleague. “Better make it a really nice one…” Vesta sighed. “Fine. Deal. Nice coffee… and in exchange you teach Noah some basic sign language for an hour or so each morning… Noah, when do you want to surprise her?” “Well I was hoping just to learn some basics so I could say something really cute that will make her happy,” I replied, shrugging. “How about for her birthday?” Vesta suggested. “I think it would be a lovely birthday present for her.” “When’s her birthday?” I asked. “November. So next month. I think I could teach you the most basic of basics in a month, or at least enough so you can wish her happy birthday and a few other things. After that, we can move our lessons to during the day, and we can involve Ella. But Ceres will still get me a fancy coffee at least once a week…” “Noah… you better want this…” my Nanny laughed, squeezing me tightly in the biggest hug she could muster without breaking something. “It’ll make her happy. So yeah, it’s worth it,” I smiled up at them both. “You’ve got a good kid there, Ceres…” Vesta said, smiling. “I was surprised you brought him in at the last minute, especially regarding his unique situation, but I’m glad you did. I hope this program works for him. Right, I need to go change the little stinky Princess, so I’ll see you tomorrow Noah, nice and early! And Ceres? Don’t forget my coffee. Extra sugar.” ====================================================== Okay so this is probably one of, if not my most wholesome chapter I've ever written of any story. It had me crying writing it, and I've made multiple subscribers cry at this chapter. Hoping to add to that number here today :3 Also thank you for the generous praise regarding my disabled characters and how I wrote them. I was so worried about writing them wrong, as I know a lot of authors aren't very good at it, and I didn't want to fall down the same holes they do. But I guess it helps being an disabled, autistic, depressed trans girl And I think maybe I put a bit more of myself than I had planned into Noah, the autism is showing I haven't, however, had much interaction with deaf people, and I wanted to write Ella as best I can, being realistic but not making the usual mistakes others make writing deaf characters, as they're often underrepresented. Basically I just hope that I've done well and she's accurately portrayed and that you all love her as much as I do. Also I encourage people to learn BSL/ASL! I'm doing it (though I'm very bad at keeping to schedules these days, so I'm rubbish at it and it's been a while since I last practiced). Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! The basic tier gets early access and exclusive access to short stories (when they're written), higher tiers will be limited but get a short story each month (1-2 per month in total, also not yet running this tier yet, will announce when I'm starting!). Thank you to all my subscribers for their support over the past few years! Seriously, your support means the world to me. New chapters of my latest story every Wednesday/Sunday! Also just a quick note: I don't mind people saving this story for personal reading. But I'd appreciate it if people didn't post it elsewhere, even if you're just suggesting it to other people. If you want to show others, please send them a link to the first page of this post! Thanks!

No one said Ella is a trans little. Read it again there's only one trans little in this story, and it's kinda obvious who it is 😋 Ella is cis.

Awww thank you! I've been hoping I've done Ella's deafness well, there's barely any representation for disability in abdl stories, especially deaf characters and I've been wanting to write a deaf character for a long time now (I'm very slowly learning British sign myself). ...and dammit. Maybe I put a bit too much of myself into Noah... I put my gender issues and mental health and stuff into him, but ended up also accidentally making him autistic like me too XD

Nanny Vesta is not new. She's been in there as long as Ceres has. And you'd be surprised how much spare time they have, considering how long the little ones sleep But yes, she would've only been available in the evenings to hang out with Ella before she was brought to Elysium.

Chapter 16: Ella Elysium – LittleFallenPrincess ------------------------------- I felt so much more comfortable hanging out with the girls and Rowan. They were all so lovely too, though I worry that maybe they’re just like that because I blurted out that I tried to kill myself and now they’re walking on eggshells trying to be nice to me. It would’ve been even better if Ollie were here too, but Ceres was off looking for him. She had been gone a while, so maybe they were having a heart-to-heart or something. I hope I hadn’t caused that. I hoped I hadn’t fucked things up with him, because I genuinely like Ollie. He’s the best friend I’ve had in a while. I’ve really enjoyed our conversations over the past few weeks with him and Rowan, and I genuinely consider him my best friend at this point. Rowan too. So despite the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, I tried focusing on the conversation the girls were having. “So… Rowan… got a girlfriend?” Poppy asked. “Nope. I mean… even if I did… I’ve probably been declared missing, right? Any relationship we had before this is over…” he replied, shrugging. “I guess. What about you, Noah?” “I… had one. But it didn’t end well,” I replied. “Oh hun. You’re an absolute cutie. She’s missing out.” “I wish she saw it that way. I was… too much of a downer.” The girls looked somewhat frustrated by this news, clearly they were also on ‘Team Noah’. Ella though… she wasn’t paying attention, she looked like she was stuck in her own thoughts. Once the girls had calmed down and relaxed around me, just acting like I was one of them and weren’t treating me like I needed to be wrapped in bubble wrap, they asked me what I wanted to watch. Obviously, I had no idea, so I said Ella could pick. This took her by surprise, with her cheeks turning red as she quickly looked away from me, towards the enormous screen by the wall. And at that moment, someone crawled up behind me, followed by footsteps. “Noah?” Ceres said, softly, grabbing my attention. Turning around on the bean bag, without actually getting off, I looked around to see Ceres, with Ollie sat on his padded backside beside her feet, with no shorts on this time, with a piece of paper in his hands. “Oh hi Ollie… I… are you… okay?” I asked, nervously. He didn’t say a word. He just thrust his arms out, handing me a piece of paper with what looked like scribbles written in crayon. Upon closer inspection… It was a letter, written very badly in red crayon. Noah. I didn’t know why you were brought here. I just figured it was something stupid like the rest of us. And I’m not very good at saying what I’m feeling. So Nanny Ceres helped me write this. Sorry if it's awkward or whatever. I… I just wanted to say how grateful I am that you’re here with me. You’ve been the best friend I’ve had in a long time, and you’ve really helped me adapt to this weird new life of mine as an adult-sized baby. I would’ve just said thank you for being my friend, but I felt like you needed something from the heart, considering you were brave enough to share your reason for being here, despite them saying you didn’t have to. I’m glad you didn’t succeed. Otherwise I’d be down one amazing friend. And this place would have driven me crazy. So I guess what I’m saying… is thanks. And if you ever need to talk, I’m always here. I don’t want you suffering alone. Ollie x A tear dropped onto the paper, smearing the crayon slightly. Without hesitation, I launched myself over the bean bag I was sitting on, pouncing on Oliver, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him as tightly as I could without hurting him. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t want to ruin the moment. This… this meant so much to me. So I buried my face in his shoulder and cried. “I… sorry… I’m sorry!” he began apologising, he probably assumed he upset me. “Shut up and give me a hug. This was perfect. Thank you,” I replied, my words muffled by both his t-shirt in my face and by my crying. “Sorry I’m no good with words.” “Shush. These were perfect.” “I mean… in person.” “Doesn’t matter. Still perfect. Accept my compliment, you dummy!” Once I stopped hugging Oliver, we turned around to see all the girls staring at us in awe, looking like they were about to squeal with excitement. “You two are so adorable!” Ava said, squealing a little, sounding a little like a boiling kettle. “Noah… come here a second…” Ceres interrupted, putting her hands under my arms and lifting me up, resting me on her hip, carrying me over to the opposite wall by the boy’s area, where it was quiet with no one around. “What’s up?” I asked. “How are you doing?” she asked, sounding concerned. “I… I’m okay. I thought Ollie hated me. But he was so sweet!” “He wanted to show you how much he cares, so I may have given him the idea. Want me to look after that letter for you, baby?” “I… uh huh, please. Can you put it in my crib later?” “I think I can manage that, cutie. But no… what I meant was how are you doing… like really. Like… depression can be a bitch, I know that. And please excuse my language… Nannies shouldn’t swear…” I giggled at her as she looked around awkwardly, hoping no one else had heard her. “I think you’re safe…” “Good. How are you doing with your mental health? It’s been a month, and you’ve been playing along nicely enough… but I’m worried you’re suppressing everything. We aren’t exactly equipped to handle people with issues like you. Joy usually has ‘therapy’ sessions with everyone further on in the program, to make sure they’re okay, but that’s a couple months in and even then it’s more of a welfare check rather than an in depth therapy check. We didn’t even think our charges would need them for their pre-existing issues. So whilst I was with Ollie… I called Joy.” “Oh? What for?” “She wants you to have regular therapy sessions with her. It’ll be an hour a week, just before your lunch and naptime, and whilst you won’t get to wear your old big boy clothes… you will be treated somewhat like an adult.” “What about Ella?” I asked, her face coming to mind suddenly. “What do you mean?” “I mean… I saw her scars. She… she’s like me…” “Ella… is a special case. You see that Nanny over there?” Ceres said, pointing over to a Nanny who was closely watching Ella from the outside of the enclosure, signing something over to her. “That’s her best friend, though she has to call her Nanny Vesta in here.” “Wait… best friend? As in… from before getting brought here?” “Yup. Vesta and Ella are best friends, and have been since they were kids. And Vesta knows all about Ella’s troubles. She’s the one who convinced the board to take in Ella in the first place. Came up with her own special treatment plan and everything. So it’s sort of a trial thing, whereas you were a spur of the moment extreme case…” “...Sorry…” “No, sweetie, I mean we hadn’t ever considered taking someone like you before. Ella was an exception because of her relationship with Vesta, though she didn’t know about the existence of Elysium until Vesta brought her in and put her in the solitary cells. That… was awkward, I’ll tell you that!” Ceres laughed awkwardly, rolling her eyes. “So don’t worry about her, sweetie. Ella is being well taken care of. Vesta cares a lot for the girl. Although… maybe you’re right. Maybe she could do with a bit of therapy too. I’ll talk to Vesta about it.” It was at that point that Nanny Vesta walked into the enclosure, over to us… “Hey Ceres? Can… Can Ella have a word with Noah?” she said, taking me by surprise. “She wants to talk to… me?” I replied. “I mean she’ll have to write things down for you, and you’ll have to either write on her board or make sure your lips are easy to read, but yeah. She wants to talk to you in the girl’s area.” “I… I’m allowed to go in there?” “Just this once, with my permission,” Vesta looked at me, seriously. Like a warning… do not ruin this opportunity, or trust, with her… or face the consequences. “I… okay… if that’s okay Nanny?” I turned to check with Ceres. “That’s fine, Vesta, can I have a word with you whilst these two talk? I think I’ve got an idea about Ella…” she replied, taking the note I got from Ollie, and slipping it into her pocket. I crawled nervously through the large open door to the girl’s room. Terrified that suddenly I’ll start babbling or I’ll lose all control of my limbs… I slowly crossed the threshold, bracing myself for whatever hypnotic trigger to activate… but as Vesta promised… I seem unharmed… so far. Everything inside just felt so much… cuter. Instead of the baby blue everywhere, it was baby pink, with lots of cushions and a lot more plushies and soft toys… and dolls. Even the TV is pink! And in the centre of it… was Ella, sitting cross-legged, nervously twiddling her thumbs with her whiteboard and marker laying on the floor in front of her. And as I crawled closer, she suddenly looked up, surprised and looking slightly nervous, before lifting her hand and waving. She… she looked adorable sucking on her dummy, smiling behind it. “Hi! Your Nanny said you wanted to talk to me?” I said, trying to be as clear with my mouth movements as possible, possibly overdoing it. Ella giggled in response, making me feel like yeah… maybe I was looking stupid right now. Blushing, I hung my head a bit. “Sorry… I just… I’ve never actually spoken to anyone like you before…” As I looked up, she was frantically writing something on her small whiteboard. “Don’t worry about it! Just talk normally!” it said. “Is this okay?” I replied. Ella nodded, smiling, before wiping away her message and writing another thing on it. “About what you said out there…” “Yeah… I saw… you know…” I pointed at my arms, trying to be gentle with how I worded it. Ella looked guilty, pulling on her long sleeves, as if she could hide her arms even more than they already were. “No no, it’s okay! I understand!” “You do?” she wrote down. “I… was worried I was the only one.” “Me too… but I’m glad I’m not. I… sorry, I don’t know what to say. Not exactly used to sharing this about myself…” “Me neither.” “So… Vesta eh?” “?????” was all she wrote on her board. “She’s your friend, right?” Ella didn’t write anything, she just pointed at me, as if to say ‘how do you know?’ “My Nanny told me. She… was suggesting therapy for me, as I’m supposed to be a special case here. I think that’s what she’s suggesting to your Nanny right now. She told me you were also a special case, and told me you knew Vesta outside of here.” “She goes by Danielle out there. But I’m not allowed to call her that here. It’s soooo weird!” she wrote down, which took a while, but I waited patiently. It was just nice talking to her, even if it meant waiting for her to catch up. “I bet! She must care about you… and be worried about you if she brought you in here…” “I’ve been struggling a lot lately. With thoughts. With isolating myself. I… I was bullied a lot for my deafness.” “I’m so sorry.” She waved her hands quickly, trying to get me to stop. “It’s fine! I just… hate myself.” “That’s okay. Just means I’ll have to like you even more to cancel it out!” part of me quickly regretted sounding so cheesy. She blushed and hastily wiped her message off her board. “You’re sweet,” she wrote. “Thanks. I’ve been told that.” “Can… Can we be friends?” “One thousand percent yes!” I replied, smiling at her. Something about talking to her… despite the very foreign method of having to communicate… just felt… nice. “I like the other girls, they’re nice. But they don’t understand me. I think you do.” “Yeah Ollie is nice, as is Rowan, but they don’t understand.” “Can… Can I ask something?” she wrote down, nervously. “Can I ask you questions back? Maybe we do a bit of a back and forth? I’d love to know more about you.” “These are personal questions though…” “How about I ask you personal questions too? Make it even? But if I ask something you’re not comfortable with, just say so, okay? I’ll do the same. Sound fair?” She nodded, smiling behind her dummy again, before putting her head down and quickly writing something down. Holding it up so I could read it… I instantly regretted making this offer. “Why did you want to end it all?” ====================================================== Ella is one of my favourite characters I've written. I'm very protective of her :3 Don't forget I'm on Subscribestar! Subscribers get 2 weeks early access to chapters, and exclusive short stories (Nessa's Tale is currently the only available one). The next four chapters of my new story posted on my Subscribestar! ======================================================== I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Please leave likes and comments and all that fun stuff, I love reading them! If you want to read the next 4 chapters, thanks to two weeks early access to my main story and also soon-to-be exclusive access to short stories (or even have a chance at commissioning one when I add the tier for them!), why don't you check out my SubscribeStar! 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