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OK, I'll pitch in my 2 cents here. Back in the early 80's I discovered a strange attraction to diapers. I'd been in Pampers for bedwetting until about age 6 and first found a couple of leftover Pampers in the back of the linen closet. Then I progressed to finding a few leftover cloth diapers (now considered rags for furniture polish) and even a pair of Gerber panties and some diaper pins. Although I have no memory of being cloth diapered, I found this whole process comforting, if a bit complicated for a kid of my age. In my teen years in the mid to late 80's I found myself experimenting with lots of things. The attraction to diapers would come and go, and I kept trying to fit those really old cloth diapers together in combinations that would accomodate my growing size. Finally the day arrrived when I could drive and had a bit of spare cash in hand. So, you guessed it, off to a store I went - preferably as far away from my home area as possible and I'd buy the largest size diapers I could find. This was just on the tail end of the "thicker is better" trend in baby diapers before ultratrims were introduced. I was able to get packs where I could take 2-3 diapers and, with the help of masking tape and scisssors, assemble them together into something that would fit me. Of course it was like Frankenstein's monster and certainly not comfortable to wear for more than a quick "session", but it gave my mind something I was yearning for - even though I couldn't quite grasp why. As was mentioned in a completely separate thread, I was "that guy" who would sometimes put a pack of diapers off by the side of an old dirt road somewhere, because I didn't have anywhere to hide them (and when you think about the size of diapers then compared to those now, those packages were really large). Sometimes I'd toss them in a field or some woods wrapped as tightly as I could in a trash bag, and I'd come back and dig a couple more out at a later date if they were still dry/usable. Fast forward to my college years in the early 90's and this was really the time when I was able to finally explore diapers. It was also the time when I was exploring the forums on Prodigy (early competitor to Compuserve, etc). I found some mention of a desire to wear diapers, but it was cloaked in talk about incontinence as the folks who moderated the forums seemed like nazis about anything that hinted of a sexual nature, let alone a true fetish. BUT, like others, I had that spark that I'm not alone, and therefore, maybe I'm not as weird as I thought I was. OK, maybe I'm still "weird" but just not the only one. LOL. Anyway, it was this time that I finally got up the nerve to go out and buy my first ADULT diaper. Of course I'd seen Attends and Depends advertised on TV, but somehow in my mind they weren't true "diapers" and they were for REALLY OLD people. In truth the one variety of "briefs" they had with the loincloth setup with a pad held together by straps on the hips looked not only uncomfortable but also impractical. So I went out and got a sample pack (yeah, they actually sold them retail in some places) of Depends. I was in heaven! These things actually fit me! They were ugly as sin, and thinner than I'd expected, but they were a real, live, diaper for me to wear. It was also at this time that I had a girlfriend who was pretty open, exploratory and accepting about her sexuality. She and I were both pretty new to most things and she was asking me what some of my fantasies were and what types of things I'd like to try. She proposed a few things that raised my eyebrows (did I mention she was also a nurse and had just come out of a lesbian relationship?) and I so very much wanted to tell her/ask her about wearing diapers.... but I didn't. That's one of those things I regret to this day. I somehow found out about a BBS that operated somewhere in California that catered to the ABDL crowd and would dial it up once a month (incurring HUGE long distance fees) to browse and download the occasional picture. I also found IRC and newslists. LOTS of interesting things in there that also reinforced that I was not alone and that there were many different flavors to this whole AB/DL thing. I somehow or other found a guy who lived near me and we got together to talk. Despite the oddity of it all, I found that there were other, real, living, breathing human beings who lived normal lives on the outside and wanted to wear diapers behind closed doors, and they did it with relative success. I guess putting a bookend on this whole trip down memory lane was cruising the WWW as it came out of it's infancy (no pun) and found all sorts of sites popping up in my Webcrawler searches that showed there were a lot of people out there with similar interests. I am thankful the internet is here and allows us to explore with the ease it does. I cringe at the thought of continuing on in my life not knowing there was anyone else like me out there.

I'm not going to really weigh in on the trans conversation happening here, seems every time I'm mentioned online this conversation has to happen. I need to make available some concise information about about my transition etc, I just got to LA so I haven't had a moment to myself. I don't really dig being labeled as a disorder, the disorder is a societal one, that we are forced to live within a gender binary. It works great for some, but the standards of beauty and masculinity/feminity in our culture is the cause of so much pressure, hurt, fear, angst, those who oppose a more open conversation about gender and identity are those who fear losing what that binary grants them, or have been conditioned to the point of not being able to accept anything outside of their own mindset. Ignorant is a word for that. I'm legally female. The law doesn't make it easy, but after stonewall and transpeople started owning businesses and empowering themselves, they realized we weren't going to go away, we weren't going to be cured, we are proud and going to make a better world for ourselves and others of non-normative gender. I love being a woman, I love this role and identity, but at the same time, the pressures can be overwhelming. By the time I'm old and grey I hope to see the chains of gender loosened, and for there to be more than two choices. I'm about to goto Occupy Los Angeles event at the LA courts so I'm a little Riley'd up, I kinda went off on a tangent. I've been doing the Internet diaper thing for a long time now, and I generally ignore people who consistently spell my name wrong, that's a good rule. I haven't seen the full episode, I'm hopefully going to get a copy, keep y'all posted on my site, hugs everyone!

So you are trying to claim that they edited the show to make you come across as someone who only takes and takes and never gave anything back to Cat? And they edited her own words to say the same? Do you not realize that what you have stated on your blog has pretty much comfirmed what the show aired about you? There was no misconstruing what you said on the show, your own blog shows that, especially after she left, and you admitted on your blog to immediately going online to find someone to replace her with. And yes, you did damage the community. You may not realize it, but really, your blog makes you look bad, which also makes the community look bad. Yes you live a successful life with a job, thats great, but after the GF left you, you admitted you forget to eat, and you cant baby yourself as often so instead of toning it down, you go further and wear babyish outfits in public. Dude thats not helping the community, especially when most people who watch Dr. Phil come away thinking you as someone with a fetish that needs to be toned down. You really think she is going to keep coming around to visit you once she finds another boyfriend? Do you really think a new boyfriend is going to like the fact that she is going over to your place to change and feed you? No he isn't, and she will have to make a choice, especially considering she even said she wants to have a real baby. You lost a great thing you had going because of your own stupidity, the show didn't edit and make you look to be the bad guy in all of this, you did it yourself. You were told that you should tone it down, and you said you would consider it, yet your blog says differently. So which is it? Did the show lie or did you lie on the show?

He hurt the community more then helped. Sure he came across as a successful person in life, but he hurt because now millions will think all AB's are exactly like him, wanting someone to change them all the time, don't care about sex, want to sleep in a crib, etc. I am glad he will not have kids though, what he said on the show made me afraid of what he would do to that real baby who needs the love, a 20+ yr old should never be jelaous of the attention a baby needs, but he came across as the type who would I found my wife to be understanding, but she does not partake and I have gone long stretches without indulging as well, but she does allow it every so often, as long as it does not conflict with my adult responsibilities, which involves raising kids(hence very rarely do I get to partake unless the kids are gone), but know what, I found a balance, something this guy did not and does not want to do, which is why I ay he hurt the community. EDIT: And reading his blog, another thing that hurt now is his own words on that 1. I really hope he is not talking about his ex as the someone, if she says its over and wants nothing to do with him, he best be leaving her alone. 2. Really, not remembering to eat? That there is a sign that you have gone overboard with the lifestyle and need to cut back on it. You have lived the fantasy life to much. If you need to dress like that in public to remain sane, that means you need to tone it down.

Actually, the fetish side tends to be far, far more about the interaction in the age play, with everything else being props to enhance the experience, which is why both parties willingly and actively participating is so important. I also know a lot of non-sexual AB folks on ADISC and other sites who cherish the intimacy of regression play far more than the narcissistic underbelly of being the constant center of attention. There's an obvious reason why Dr. Phil told him that he needed to unplug if he wanted their relationship to survive - he's a nearly pathological narcissist, as evidenced by his willingness to lie to the producers of the show about why he wanted to be there, his confessed cavalier displays of his diapers in public, and his belief that drawing all this attention to himself by doing this show was an altruistic decision, one that was for the benefit of others (the rest of the AB community). There is a pathology here, and the only connection it has to his AB-ism is the fact that AB roleplay is a vehicle by which he feeds the narcissism. If he weren't AB, he'd find other ways to make himself the center of his universe. That's not hating, that's recognition. It's a recognition rooted in history, too - I was a borderline pathological narcissist in high school. There was virtually nothing I wouldn't do to focus the spotlight on myself, no matter how positive or negative the actual attention was. Eventually, though, people stop being interested, and when you hit that wall, it can break you. If anything, I'd like to see this guy wake up to what he's doing to himself before it comes to that.

No. I have a life

Posts like this is why I am so happy I am here. The wonderful support is simply amazing.