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Mini-Story: Flying Solo You lay down on the changing table. You pull the strap across your body, just in case. You take a deep breath.  You psyche yourself up.  You can do this! You’ve had your diaper changed a billion times! Maybe a million! You’ve got this! Fuck Mommy and Daddy! You’re not a Busy Baby Bee! You’re an In-Depends-Ant! You can change your own diaper!  You hoist your legs and stare up at the nursery ceiling. And wait. And wait. And wait. Oh right.  Your onesie’s still buttoned up. You sit up and- OOF! You forgot to undo the strap, first. You undo the strap, sit up on the table, and manage to get the buttons on your onesie loose one pop at a time.  Then you lay back down and buckle yourself back in. Ten seconds later you’re unbuckling yourself again. It’s too hard to use your hands when the safety strap keeps getting in the way.  You hoist your legs again and inch your onesie up, up, up, uncovering your diaper. You grunt several times during the process, but it’s not the fun kind of grunting.  It takes much, longer than when Mommy or Daddy. You lower your legs back down to the padded mat and pant a little. It’s a lot easier to do this when Mommy or Daddy is helping lift your legs. You can do this! Don’t give up! “Oh wow!” You say. “Looks like somebody needs a diaper change! Let’s take care of that.” To your credit, you don’t make the same mistake twice. You don’t re-lift your legs until after you’ve ripped the tapes open. SCRITCH! SCRITCH! SCRITCH! SCRITCH! The sounds of the tapes coming loose are just as much a part of the script to you as the wipes, powder, or cooing.   The familiar sensation of the diaper falling open and feeling the cool fresh air flood onto your skin tells you you’re on the right track. The intensifying scent of pee-pee and poopy hitting your nose is another hint. Your legs go back up towards the ceiling, you grit your teeth and keep the change going. “WOOOOO! STINKY BAAAAABY!” you say and wave your hand underneath your nose. “Mommy-Daddy’s gonna clean you up.”  (You couldn’t decide which Grown-Up name would work best so you said both.) You hold your breath, you reach for the wipes and… And…. And…? You lift your head. What the fuck are they doing at the other end of the table?! You lower your legs back down and feel the mess slightly mush again against your bottom.  Your face cringes. It just doesn’t feel right when it’s happening outside of the diaper. You crunch up, grab the end of your diaper and pull it back over you, and cringe again when you pull the old diaper back up. There’s something different- in a bad way- about how it feels to have a wet and messy diaper pulled up and taped on when compared to a fresh clean one.  Speaking of tapes. One…. Two… Three… How many tapes are there? Growing impatient, you stop at three- three’s enough- and you sit up, lean forward and grab the packet of wipes.  You lay back down and place them on your chest, impressed with your own cleverness. Then you start again. “WOOOOO! STINKY BAAAAABY! Mommy-Daddy’s gonna clean you up!”  SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRITCH Then you lift your legs up.  Then you start wiping. It’s not as easy as the Grown-Ups make it look.  You have to alternate hands to get each side of your butt. To get the middle part you need have to twist and bend funny and it kind of hurts your back a little. Your stomach is starting to hurt now, too, from keeping your legs high up in the air. How do Grown-Ups even change their diapers by themselves? A thought: What if they didn’t? Maybe this is why people got married; to help change one another’s diapers. Makes sense. By the time you make a swipe and the wipe doesn’t come back brown, the packet is almost empty and there’s a pile of all the previous ones mere centimeters from your bottom, all laying in the open diaper.  Okay.   Okay. The hardest part is almost done. Now all you have to do is ball up the old diaper, tape it back closed, and then throw it in the- OH COME ON!!! The diaper pail is all the way at the foot of the changing table! You’ll have to move it! You’re not allowed to get off the changing table unless you’re wearing a diaper, though. You huff and make a face. Here we go again. The wipes in your diaper are no longer cold or moist as you pull it up over yourself again. No more feeling clean or fresh. It just feels like you stuffed a bunch of tissue paper in your pants, like your butthole blew a booger or something. Urgh!  Whatever!  Just whatever! One… Two… Three… Then two… Then three… Then two again… The bottom tapes won’t stay put anymore. Close enough. You slide off the changing table so you can get the pail and put it where you can actually reach. You’re going to do this. You’re going to be a big kid and change your diaper all by yourself! THWICK THWICK Your diaper comes undone, gravity finally overcoming your tapes and you watch in slow-motion as it skids down to the floor, wipes and poopy falling out and skidding up against the insides of your legs. Your onesie slides back down over your butt which is messy again for some reason.  You’ve used up an entire pack of wipes and you’re somehow dirtier than when you started it. Your eyes squeeze shut of their own accord. Your throat opens by the same reflex. You know what’s about to happen next as you inhale and are powerless to stop it. A growing part of you doesn’t want to. “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Footsteps! “BABY!” Mommy screams from down the hallway. “What’s wro-?!” She stops in the doorway. She looks at you.  She covers her mouth and giggles through her nose.  “OH DADDY!” she calls. “IT’S YOUR TURN TO CHANGE THE BABY!” A beat. “AND BRING YOUR PHONE! YOU’RE GONNA WANT A PICTURE OF THIS!” You’re never living this down, are you?

Well, I was calling them technical admins, but that is what you call a site admin....same difference...I think?     I just want to make sure we tread lightly, I do NOT want to recreate DD! NOT looking to be in competition with someone who is allowing me to discuss this on his site. Even if all Mikey ever does is offer advice as this likely consumes most of his time, that's still help badly needed! I'm not about to slap a guy in the face with my pecker who helps us. We'd need his permission if we wind up with sections that duplicate what is here.

With the new payment system, I have to remember to do this from my desktop now days. 

Glad you liked it. 😊 Did you have a favorite part? 👀 

Ooo can't wait to read this. Saw it in passing and had to say hello to a fellow Arkham enthusiast.