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All my heat is electric.  I do have a pipe, but it's in the living room, and I don't use that much anymore.  I don't have a wood stove anyway, had a huge ineffective one that got tossed out and pipe sealed.  Cost about $100 fee every year to use a wood stove.   

“Really, are you not tired?” Annie smiled at Kayla, “I think you need something to calm you down. Mommy could read a nice fairy tale and bring you a bottle of warm milk. I’m sure it helps you fall asleep.” Annie watched Kayla and waited for her reaction. How would she say about fairy tales let alone about warm milk. The milk also could make her wet her diaper again.

I can,t wait  for Paul and Andy to get together . We will see the Amber drama . Paul is in a happy place as a little .

133. Inner Thoughts “It kind of made me think,” Isadora said, picking the words carefully in the hope of actually being able to express the thoughts on her mind. She wasn’t sure what the right words actually were, but some part of her was aware that her struggle was less about knowing the terminology, and more because she wasn’t sure she genuinely understood her own feelings. The ferret in front of her nodded attentively, pink plush face scrunching up in something that she could take as an expression of sympathy. Isadora patted it on its head, and then her gaze went from the little creature to the hand holding it, and followed the arm all the way up to where Nina was nodding too. “He didn’t touch me,” Nina said. “You don’t have to worry about that. It’s not like… I mean… Yeah, he touched me, but not like Daddy would. Just like a real baby. There was nothing kinky in it, Bernard only has eyes for you.” “It’s not like that,” Isadora said. “I mean, it never has been. Being a baby was like, drawing a barrier between me and all my adult responsibilities. Taking the burden off my shoulders for once, a time when I can’t consider every detail, every little thing that could go wrong, and every contingency plan. There was never a sexual moment in it. Until… that afternoon. Victor’s fingertips touched my thigh, and there was a spark there. And I was too deep in littlespace to know that there’s supposed to be some kind of… you know.” Nina looked away then, but put the ferret down on the table next to Isadora’s coffee. The two littles had a lucky chance to catch up at Morning Press, because they’d reached the Exchange at the same time, and hadn’t run into the others yet. A couple of minutes after they sat down, Nina’s phone had lit up with a text message about Jeremy, and the new exhibit at the art gallery; but the two had decided to wait here rather than catching up with Zannah and her beau. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel about that,” she said after a little while. “Victor’s my Daddy, he’s supposed to do things like that. And I’m not allowed to complain, even if I understood why I might want to. It took me a while to get used to that, but now it seems like the most natural thing in the world. And exciting, if I’m honest. But I never even imagined he would… you know, it’s kind of like swapping wives, I guess? When they said that I was too little to understand what they meant, and… when Bernard didn’t act like Daddy, I didn’t even think about it until later in the day. Until I got my big thoughts back. I… I was kind of jealous for a moment, I think. But you weren’t expecting that?” “No,” Isadora couldn’t meet her friend’s eyes for a moment, so picked up the pink ferret instead, and snuggled him like a pet. They’d picked him up from a stall selling a whole range of used toys, from the bargain cast-offs to prestige collectibles, on the way here. And they still hadn’t decided whose bag he would end up going home in. Apparently he was a ‘dookbro’, but both women had been too old to be aware of that trend when it peaked a few years before. “No,” Isadora said again. “It was always about cutting me off from the adult thoughts. Not a kinky thing at all. But now, that touch got me thinking. Whether I’d like that, I mean. Whether Bernard would be willing to…” “He’s your husband, isn’t he?” Nina said. “I can’t imagine any guy not wanting to, if he knows it’s an option.” “It’s just a bit weird, maybe?” Isadora answered, hastily trying to cover up. She’d let too much of her own thoughts slip out, which wouldn’t fit so well what Nina knew about Bernard and Stella Klein. “I mean, he treats me like a real child, so he might not want to when I’m in that space. But I can see what you get. I was so disappointed when he stopped, even if I didn’t know what that touch meant.” “You should ask him, then,” Nina said, taking the little pink ferret back. “I mean, I can see how much he loves you. If he knows you want it, I’m sure he’d be willing to give it a try. It’s only fair, after we’ve gotten so far into what they want. And if he won’t, well… if he doesn’t want to do that, you could ask my Daddy. I mean, it wouldn’t be fair for Bernard to be so jealous over something he doesn’t want, would it?” “Would you be okay with that?” Isadora’s mind jumped straight to the next question, not even pausing to think about whether it was something she might want. “I mean… you’re going to marry him, aren’t you? Victor? So he should be promising to be just your Daddy. Or… just yours for the naughty grown-up bits. Maybe at a playdate, the daddies can share some responsibility. But that’s not something they normally spell out in the whole ‘forsaking all others’ thing. So we should make sure we’re all on the same page. Don’t want to make anyone unhappy.” It wasn’t something she could normally have said. It was certainly something that Isadora Folker [was it Folker or Volker?] would never say. But she could imagine Stella Klein asking a question like that. And she liked to imagine that if they were real people, Stella and Bernard could have made some kind of deal with Victor and Nina, so that two girls and two daddies could all have playtime together, and everybody could have the things they wanted most. It couldn’t happen, though. The equinox was less than two weeks away now, and then Brock would have no reason to stay in Evergreen Estates. Bernard Klein would be one more name in his file, someone who would never be seen again. And all their memories of this year would be forever locked away. “Poor Dookie!” Nina said, and reached out to fuzzle the little tuft on the plush ferret’s cheek. Isadora realised that she’d been squeezing him extra tight, and hadn’t even heard Nina’s response to her comment. “You’re really nervous about this, aren’t you?” “I guess. I’m just…” Isadora didn’t know what to say. Her best friend now was really Stella’s friend, and she couldn’t admit what was really on her mind. “It’s not that. It’s just… I found out so much stuff. Things I didn’t even know were possible.” “And you’re conflicted? Don’t know if those are your real desires or something Daddy had them put in your head?” “No,” Isadora answered quickly, and only realised once the words were on their way to her lips that she was speaking the truth. But it was too late to stop now, and maybe putting these words out in the world was exactly what would help her to process them. “I think, for the first time, I’m just thinking about what I want, instead of what compromises I might be able to get. And I’m not making excuses, or trying to explain something. I think… I’ve spent so long trying to please people, and suddenly Victor has shown me my own… my desires, I guess. And I really hope that we can keep on doing this, but there’s stuff going on in Bernard’s business that… might make it harder to get time to ourselves, I guess. So I’ve found this, and already there’s a ticking clock on how long I’ll be free to enjoy it.” “Then we make the most of it,” Nina said, with a certainty Isadora had never heard from her before. “And trust me, I’m not jealous. There’s enough Daddy to go around, and I’m going to tell him to ask Bernard again. I’m… I’m inviting you to come and play on Sunday, okay? And I’m going to tell Daddy that you said it’s okay if he wants to step in and check on us. Or not. He’ll have to ask Bernard, of course, but if your Daddy was just trying to keep you safe, you can let him know. And if he doesn’t want to share, you’ve got a couple of days to give him big puppydog eyes and ask him pretty please. To do those things for you, or to let his friend know it’s okay.” “I think he’ll say yes,” Isadora answered slowly. “To a playdate, anyway. I don’t know what Victor will say. But… can you come over and help me ask him? Like, immoral support?” “Two little girls telling their daddies they want to try swinging?” Nina laughed as she said it. “I mean, everybody loves playing on the swings, don’t they?” The laughter made everything easier, but they couldn't follow that conversation any longer because the others were headed straight for them. Zannah was leading the group today, practically bouncing up the steps to the balcony, while Jeremy trailed a few paces behind her, deep in conversation with Barbara Glaze. Or at least, Barbara was deep in conversation; Jeremy was mostly nodding. Martha walked half a step behind the pair of them, like a referee who hadn't yet been asked to blow her whistle. Kaylee Whitman and Chrissie Palahniuk brought up the rear, along with Wendy Calloway, who had been trying to get Estelle to commit to a book club meeting since the week the Kleins moved in. “So much for waiting at the gallery,” Kaylee announced, dropping into the seat beside Nina. She had driven Nina in that morning, and abandoned her at the door of Morning Press the moment Zannah's text came through. “This guy is a legend. He was waiting for us. At the door. And he already had Zannah’s coffee in hand, one of those extra-creamy luxury ones from the trailer in the courtyard.” “Kaylee,” Zannah hissed, but she was smiling too much to make it sound like a real protest. “You’re embarrassing him.” “So the date went well?” Isadora asked. It had seemed like the most important event in the world two weeks ago, when she’d joined all the others urging Zannah to accept Jeremy’s invite; although she had half been expecting to hear horror stories in the aftermath. Last week, Isadora hadn’t been to the Exchange and so she was a week behind on the news; though the lack of any gossip could presumably have told her that nothing particularly dramatic had happened. "It was amazing," Zannah said. Then she paused, and her eyes drifted towards Jeremy for a second. "I think. We went to another movie. And we were kind of talking through a lot of it. I had a great time, but don’t ask me what it was about.” “Did you say it was–” Kaylee started, before she was cut off by the forceful tone that Barbara always used to call a meeting to order. "Jeremiah was just telling me about the railings," Barbara said, steering herself and her captive towards the end of the table. Jeremy opened his mouth, possibly to correct her, and then seemed to decide it wasn't worth the risk. "On this balcony. Did you know, these aren't original at all? They had them made up at some foundry in the city, and they're the wrong pattern for the period. Completely out of keeping with the rest of the building. I've half a mind to write to someone." "Mom, nobody cares about the railings," Zannah said. "Actually, the conservation society did raise it," Jeremy offered, and then winced slightly as he realised he was taking sides. "When the planning application went in. They were overruled. The original ironwork was scrapped in the war, so there wasn't anything to match against." Barbara looked at him for a long moment. It was clear that she had been expecting to win the argument, but not to gain an ally. "Well," she said at last. "At least somebody around here has standards." Zannah closed her eyes, as if she could somehow forget that her mother was meeting her maybe-boyfriend despite all her attempts to prevent it. But Isadora noticed that Barbara chose the seat next to Jeremy when they all sat down, not between him and Zannah. And when Martha caught Isadora's eye across the table, she raised her coffee cup a fraction of an inch in what might have been a toast. The next drink was taken up almost entirely by different people talking across each other to explain what they’d been up to in the last week. Isadora mostly just bluffed. And then for lunch, they moved on to the seafood bistro on the main building’s top floor, because Barbara had heard that the crab was good. It turned out to be adequate, according to Martha, who had opinions about crab. Jeremy had to go back to work after the first course. Before he left he asked, a little too quietly, whether Zannah was free on Saturday. The whole table pretended not to listen, so loudly that his ears became a particularly uncharacteristic shade of pink. There was a television above the bar, with the sound turned down. Isadora didn't need sound to know what it was showing. A panel of experts sat behind a desk with a map of the Pacific coast, and a countdown in the corner of the screen. One of the news channels had started that a few days before, and the others had followed. Now nobody could look at the coverage without being reminded how few days were left. "Ellie still won't come home," Chrissie said, when she noticed where Isadora was looking. "I've asked her three times. Just for a couple of weeks, I said, until all this blows over. Her and Dana could have the whole top floor. But she says if everyone ran away every time somebody made a threat, Vancouver would be a ghost town." "She's probably right," Kaylee said. "They never actually do anything, these people. Not the big stuff." "I know," Chrissie said. "That's what Steve says too. And then he gets up at three in the morning to check the news again, in case anything changed." Isadora kept her eyes on her plate. There were a dozen things she could have said that would have been true, and none of them would have been any comfort. She settled for touching Chrissie's arm briefly, offering support in a way that totally fitted Stella, and was surprised how grateful the other woman looked. The rest of the afternoon went the way afternoons at the Exchange always did. Kaylee found a scarf she absolutely didn't need, and everyone encouraged her to buy it. Martha learned about a whole new kind of cheese. Barbara had watched Jeremy like a hawk, only to fall back on criticising him to a conciliatory Martha once he had returned to work. Wendy cornered Isadora by the escalators to ask whether Estelle would finally be coming to the book club this month. They were reading something about a lighthouse keeper's wife, which Wendy promised was much more exciting than it sounded. “Yeah, you can put me down,” Isadora said with a smile. “Sorry I keep putting it off.” She didn’t need to think too much about the promise, because Stella Klein wouldn’t even exist by the designated date. All these months, the bonds she had built with her friends here, she needed to start remembering that none of it was real. They kept on talking, about anything and everything, but when Isadora looked at it through that lens, none of it seemed to matter at all. They were outside the building, walking back to their cars, before she actually heard any words that mattered to her. “You should have him,” Nina said, as Isadora glanced down. The little ferret, who Nina had been carrying around for the whole afternoon, was now tucked into the corner of her bag. “I think he’d miss you if I took him.” “Are you sure?” Isadora asked. “I thought you couldn’t bear to let go of him.” “What’s with the… is that supposed to be a weasel?” Kaylee reached out and patted Dookie on the head, but didn’t move him from his place between Isadora’s wallet and sunglasses. “He’s a dook,” Nina said, confidently. “Or a ferret, I guess. They were a trend ten years ago, blind bag toys I think. We saw that one sitting on a shelf and he looked so lonely, I couldn’t leave him behind.” “Aww, that’s sweet,” Kaylee said. “And now Stella’s looking after him for you? Do you want a ride home with me? I think Martha’s going to hang around a bit longer.” “That would be great,” Nina said, and then hesitated again. “But I said I’d help Stella out with something. Should I come back with you, Stella?” “Yeah,” Isadora said, nodding a little. “Strike while the iron is hot.” She didn’t know if there would be time for another playdate, or if she really needed to focus on the investigation now; but she was almost certain that wrapping up all the personal issues would make it easier for her to focus for the next week, whether or not she had time to do anything based on her confessions. “You girls have fun,” Kaylee said. “And your little stoat thing too.” She waved over her shoulder as Isadora blushed pink; somehow one casual comment was all she needed. Kaylee clearly thought that carrying plush toys around was some little joke, she couldn’t know what it meant to the two little girls. But somehow that made the humiliation so much more intense. This wasn’t some fantasy scene she’d been pushed into; just a normal person commenting on something that had seemed such a good idea at the time. “You okay?” Nina asked, suddenly the serious one. “You’ve been a bit… I don’t know, different today?” “Tired, I guess,” Isadora gave the first excuse that came to mind. “I’ll be fine once I get home. It’s just been a busy week.” “Not still worrying about the other day?” “Not… I mean, I guess so, a bit,” Isadora answered, and forced herself to reach deep and think about what Stella should be feeling. Even just for a few days, she didn’t want to sabotage her legend’s friendship. “I think I need to talk to Bernard about that, but it’s not… I’m just a bit tired now, sorry.” “Maybe you need an afternoon nap. I’ll drive, okay? You can try to get a little nap on the back seat, and be fresh for talking to your Daddy.” Isadora just nodded. She couldn’t say anything about her real worries, but maybe some rest would help after all. And that’s how they ended up heading home with Nina driving the Kleins’ car, while Isadora sat on the back seat and tried to decide whether it was really worth talking to Brock about such deep and complex issues, when their identities were due to be scrubbed. She didn’t reach a real decision, just stroked the little pink critter, Dookie, and stared out of the window. And so it was, just a few minutes from home, that she saw an unfamiliar car parked in the driveway of 44 Tennyson Avenue.

Yeah… there's a lot of eagerness there. But is that just eagerness to be little as soon as possible, or wanting to make things easier for everyone else, or something else?   134. The Young Ones Tess sat on the couch and laughed as Gabby started to braid her hair again. Or to do something with it, anyway. She wasn’t sure why she needed to have her hair up, but Gabby said it would look cute, and Tess wasn’t going to argue. As soon as she was littler, all the big decisions were so much easier. She could just relax and let things happen around her, and she was sure that it wouldn’t put her on edge as much as it normally did after a full day in which she’d been allowed to satisfy her urge to take charge. She couldn’t wait to see what Gabby was actually doing with her hair, right now she could just enjoy the feeling of being looked after. The gentle brushing and stroking was really pretty soothing, and Gabby made a real effort to be gentle even when she was pulling at the little tangles in Tess’s hair. “What do you think, sweetie?” Gabby asked, and for a second Tess was wondering what she was talking about. She was kind of zoned out, in an almost meditative state, where she hadn’t even been thinking at all. “About me and Ffrances getting married? We’re going to be a real little family, so you’ll have two Mommies.” Tess giggled at that. She thought calling Gabby ‘Mommy’ would be kind of weird, but it seemed like refusing would always make her sad. Tess couldn’t bring herself to say the word, but she also wouldn’t complain when Gabby was supposed to be having such a good day. And the more she thought about it, the more she realised that there wasn’t anything spectacularly weird about it. She’d seen a lot of ads online lately for books tagged as ‘ddlg’, which seemed to imply a girl being treated like a little kid, and almost all of the synopsises described the girl’s love interest as her new Daddy. So maybe it was just the same thing; using ‘Mommy’ as an affectionate term for the person looking after you. It wasn’t quite as weird as calling her ‘Mum’, and Tess told herself that she wouldn’t argue against ‘Mommy’ if Gabby wanted to say it. It just didn’t feel natural for Tess to say it herself. “Do you think you’ll like having two Mommies?” Gabby asked, and Tess could see that she was hoping to hear the word repeated. And Tess wanted to make her happy, after everything she’d done to help with Tess’s problem, but she still couldn’t make herself do it. She nodded instead. “Well, I guess we’re not really your mothers,” Gabby continued. “But I think you’re too little to worry about those details. To a child as small as you, it’s natural to call the adults taking care of you ‘Mommy’. Isn’t it?” “Yeeeah…” Tess said slowly, trying to think of anything that could go wrong. But she knew that looking for problems wasn’t her job. Right now, she was supposed to be trying not to think. This was a special day for Gabby and Ffrances, and she wanted to show them both how grateful she was for them accepting Spike into their home. There was one easy way to do that: “Yes, I am that little. Thank you, Mommy.” All the worries about the term and its connotations had just dropped away. Gabby was Mommy, Ffrances was Mommy, even Spike could be Mommy. She didn’t need to worry about remembering the right name for everybody now, she could just learn one name. She found herself laughing at how easy it was, and when Gabby giggled back she could tell that she was just as delighted. “All done!” Gabby said, a few minutes later, and Tess smiled again. “Thank you Mommy! Can I look?” “Ohhh, I think your new style would be better as a surprise, wouldn’t it? Why don’t we make it a little game. Let Ffrances tell you what she thinks, and then you can try to guess what it looks like.” “Yeah!” Tess said, and she couldn’t help laughing. It was such a silly idea, but she could easily imagine a child getting excited. And as soon as she thought about how much fun it would be, she felt smaller than ever. She still knew she wasn’t a baby, but she could play the part. And she could enjoy watching just how much her reactions changed. Hypnosis really was an interesting thing to learn about. And this state of mind, enjoying the scene that Gabby wanted her to play out even if it was for very different reasons, was the perfect moment. A moment that made everybody happy, and that was quite an achievement. Something to be proud of. And something Mommy should be proud of too. “Thank you, Mommy!” “So, what does my little girl want to do next?” Gabby asked, the satisfaction in her voice clear. “How about we watch some cartoons? I’ve got one you’ll love.” “Yeah,” Tess grinned. She had no idea what Gabby had in mind, but it sounded like something she had been planning, and the little girl was so curious to find out where this suggestion was heading. She could imagine Gabby giving her some more suggestions to help her feel little, or maybe the cartoon she had in mind was setting the scene for what they could be playing later. Tess knew there had to be something, but she had no idea what it might be. Her curiosity was building up, and it seemed like the childish side of her mind was running free now she had opened the door. She knew that she would never normally come right out and ask something like that, but it was what an over-excited child would do, and she found it amazing how easily the words came flooding out: “Are we gonna do something when we watch? Or after? What is it?” “Oh yes,” Gabby smirked. She must have been so glad to see a plan coming together like that. “You’re too young to just sit and watch something, aren’t you? At your age, you’ll love playing along with the characters on the screen, and it seems natural to answer when they talk to you.” Tess’s eyes widened as she thought about that. She knew it was childish, but she was also sure that it could be fun. It was a piece of childish behaviour that she’d never even thought about before, and it might just be a compromise that both of them could enjoy. And a part of her wanted Spike to see her like this as well; to see a way of treating her like a child that didn’t involve pressuring her into diapers. It was an example of the kind of suggestion that she could imagine herself actually enjoying. “Yes,” she said. “I am that young.” And then there was nothing to do but wait while Gabby searched through the menus and listings on the TV. It turned out that the cartoon wasn’t a cartoon at all; it seemed to be filmed with puppets, who were sitting in what looked like an old-fashioned cinema when they first appeared on the screen. Two of them, a frog and a mouse, were talking to each other about how exciting the movie was going to be, and then they turned to stare straight at Tess, as if she were looking out of the screen. When they asked her who she was, and when the movie was going to start, it seemed so natural to answer. Tess was holding a little conversation with the characters on the other side of the screen, and it took three or four exchanges before she realised how silly that was. She couldn’t help laughing at herself, and appreciating just how real this all felt. And then the mouse said that if the movie wasn’t going to happen, they should all put on a show together. They started singing a song about how life was the biggest show in the world, and Tess couldn’t help jumping to her feet as the chorus came on. She threw her hands up in the air and shook her head from side to side, singing along as all the puppets danced their way out of the theatre and into a town filled with every type of building, where regency villas sprawled next door to gleaming skyscrapers, and apartments rose above stores from a completely different era. As the movie went on, more puppets were introduced. And each of them wanted to ask Tess if she liked to paint pictures, or if she had ever sewn a dress, or if she had talked to a mole before. She breathlessly answered, feeling like she was really in the action, and then all the puppets would break out into song and dance. And almost every scene asked her to do some movement, like touching her toes or stretching up like she was trying to paint a high wall, before incorporating that movement into the dance for the next song. They were in the middle of the movie when Ffrances came down again and started to cheer Tess on, sneaking a quick kiss with her fiancée when the little girl wasn’t looking. And the action on the screen was building up to a climax when Spike joined them, dressed up in a frilly dress from the closet in the nursery. It was the kind of thing that a three-year-old who wanted to be a ballerina might wear, and it suited her perfectly. “What is he wearing?” Gabby whispered, but Tess was too focused on the movie to care. “The recording says be a little girl,” Ffrances answered with a shrug. “And all the little clothes you bought are really girly. We figured just roll with it, until we’ve got time for a proper session. So Spike’s a little girl this evening. Hear that, Tess? You got a new little sister.” “Yay!” Tess cheered, and hugged Spike enthusiastically and clumsily. “Come watch the movie with me! It’s a special one, you can say the magic words if you want. We’re little enough to get excited, so we can answer when the amimals talk to us, and get really excited doing the dances they tell us to.” “That sounds fun,” Spike said with a nervous smile. “Let’s do it together. I am that little. And so are you.” And just like that, two little girls turned back to the screen, just as a bunch of rats started showing them how to bow, bob, and curtsey. They were carried away instantly, and completely immersed in all the fun the puppets got up to. They even kept on dancing through the end credits, laughing about how silly they were being and feeling closer than ever. “Thank you Mommy!” Tess beamed. “This was super fun, this is a bit of being little I really like.” “Yeah!” Spike added. “Thank you Mommy!” Ffrances giggled a little at that, and turned to look at Gabby, who looked confused for a moment but still had a smile on her face. It had been the best day ever, and everybody got what they wanted.