Trading Post

Well, I woke up early this morning and made a really loud hissing long pee in my North Shore diaper. I passed gas a few times. Thought I would make right then, but it didn’t happen. I farted a few more times still couldn’t make but then I felt that it was really this time gonna come so I stood up and farted again and then made a pretty nice sized turd in my diaper, and I lied back down on the bed. I might make again later. I’m not sure but I won’t change my diaper for a while as whenever I make, it’s always well formed long, thick and solid so probably wash the dishes and do some vacuuming. I’ll pee few more times and see if I make another big poop in my diaper if not in about two hours or so I’ll change into a fresh clean diaper then I’ll make another big turd later today probably around 5 PM or so maybe when my girlfriend comes home. I usually stand and talk to her and end up making right when we’re discussing something not such a big deal sometimes she says “did you fart“ and that she says oh I guess you just made in your diaper cause unlike a fart which goes away fairly quickly. The odor of a turd can hang around and she asked if I’m gonna change but usually I don’t for a while. 

I was walking around and had made a pretty long loud pee in my diaper and I farted a few times and gave a pretty good push and now have a nice size load of I got up and made a pretty loud long pee in my Northshore diaper. I farted a few times and thought I was gonna make right then but false alarm I walked around and felt like I had to make but farted again then it took about 20 minutes and then I could really feel it was gonna come and made a long large solid but not messy turd in my diaper. I may or may not make again later so I’ll do some cleaning and the dishes and doing some vacuuming.

9. My Weakness I overslept on Friday morning. It wasn’t completely unexpected, but I should have known better. I’d finished most of a bottle of wine by myself, having opened one to share with Tess after what sounded like a very long and difficult day. She seemed to have learned a little now. She’d previously allowed herself to get a little tipsy, and I’m sure she had blamed the alcohol more than anything else when she’d woken up to a wet bed on Monday. So this time she’d only accepted a single glass before refilling it with water. I had to be proud of her, knowing her limits. Still, we were able to talk easily and she’d confided some of her problems. I was still glad of that. And after we’d chatted, and she seemed a little more positive, she’d gone back to her room to finish off all of her homework. I’d offered to fix her another drink, whatever she wanted, but she said that she’d already got something sorted. The flask that had been sitting in the fridge for a couple of days, I guessed. I wasn’t quite sure what was in it, but she had taken to making one at some point every day, and then taking it up to her room with her when she went to bed. She would be typing away on her computer for an hour, or maybe just a half, but that was usually the last time I saw her. I’d figured that she could use a break after the day she’d had. Over the last few days she had been increasingly listless in the mornings, like she wasn’t sleeping properly, and her troubles at school could only make that worse even if she knew there were solutions to those specific problems. That was why I’d decided she should get a good rest, even if she didn’t realise it. And when she had that same flask that she would drink before bed every night, it was the perfect way to ensure that she would take her sleeping pills, and a couple of other ingredients to help her realise that even the most strong-willed babies occasionally need help from an adult. When I woke up on Friday morning, I initially didn’t remember what I’d been thinking about last night. But then I heard Tess moving about downstairs, and all the memories came flooding back. I needed to check on her, and to make sure she was okay. I got out of bed quickly and changed into a work suit. Smart-casual, something that would help me to feel in control of any situation. I contemplated rushing downstairs to take care of my baby, but I knew that might be a bad idea. Every other day this week I’d taken care to wake up before her; something which had never been particularly hard for me. If I went downstairs with uncharacteristic bed-head, she would know that something was different today. Any other day, sure. I could say that I’d got carried away and finished the bottle after she excused herself, and that I hadn’t paced myself as well as usual. That was pretty much true. But at the same time, if we were both breaking our usual morning routines on the same day, she would have reason to be suspicious. And today of all days, I needed to present as a competent adult if I wanted to earn the little one’s trust. I dragged a brush through my hair and tied it back tight, ramming a couple of long pins through the bun so that the quick preparation might seem like a stylistic choice. A quick survey in the mirror showed that I looked kind of professional, like I was rushing to get ready for work, while still retaining something of a maternal vibe. I nodded, told myself that I looked fine, and then headed downstairs. Tess was already in the kitchen, I could hear her moving around. She must have gotten herself sorted faster than usual. Her door was properly closed today, which was unusual but not exceptional. I gently pushed it open as I passed, and confirmed my suspicions. There were no sheets on her unusually-sized bed. Tess had wet the bed again, and so was rushing in an attempt to get the laundry on before I came down to check on her. I couldn’t be sure, but I wondered if some random yelp as she realised how little she was had somehow awoken me after sleeping through my regular alarms. I closed the door again, and went down to the kitchen. Tess was there, as I had expected. Not in her school uniform, but a shapeless pair of grey sweatpants and what looked like a pyjama top. “You’re up early,” I said with a smile, doing my best to hide how I was feeling after that bottle of wine. “Need to get to school early?” “Uhh,” she mumbled, and seemed lost for words. I could easily understand that.  “No, it’s fine. I just woke up a bit earlier, wanted to get things done before I go out. I can go get dressed if you haven’t done breakfast yet.” She closed the front of the washing machine and turned around, to see that I was holding the big box of detergent out towards her. She took it gratefully and turned the machine on, perhaps hoping that I wouldn’t have noticed the pattern of her recently-changed duvet cover behind the glass. “Yeah, probably a good idea. They don’t need me at work until nine, so there’s plenty of time this morning. But I heard you moving and didn’t want to be holding you up if my baby girl is in a hurry.” “I’m not a–” she started, going from zero to incandescent in a heartbeat. “You said I can call you a baby,” I reminded her. “Or am I mistaken? Did you–” “Don’t even say it!” Tess snapped. I had to restrain myself; in my world, a child who talks back to her parents like that is in need of some more discipline, but I knew this must be hard for her. She needed to get used to being a little one, and to understand that it wasn’t an insult. I didn’t want to push her until she was ready, but I knew that sooner or later I would run out of patience. “Look, nothing happened! I don’t know what you think, but I… I…” She tried again, desperation creeping into her voice. I knew my suspicions were correct; she’d drunk her bedtime bottle and been so sleepy that she went straight to bed. She was just my little baby, and I needed to care for her. But I also knew that she needed to ask for my help. So for now, I would have to wait.

14. One Friday Morning Tess woke up and stretched, slowly getting used to the lack of daylight in the mornings. For the first time she didn’t have a moment of wondering where she was on seeing the shocking festival of pinks around her. She still didn’t really like the decor, but it was starting to feel like home. She glanced across at her clock, and saw that it wasn’t quite as late as she might have expected. Her alarm hadn’t even started yet, so she wondered what might have woken her. It took a half second for her to become fully aware of her surroundings before she leapt out of bed and gave an involuntary yell. “Hell no!” But there was no time for denial now. For the first time this week, she felt refreshed like she’d had a good night’s sleep. No waking up in the middle of the night and dragging herself half-conscious to the bathroom out of some irrational paranoia, just an uninterrupted cruise in dreamland. And for the second time since she’d moved, she was waking up lying in her own pee. This time she was desperate to prevent her cousin from finding out; Gabby had said several times that if she acted like a baby she would be treated like a baby, and Tess had even said it herself once or twice, reinforcing her demand to be treated like a responsible adult while she acted like one. She had no doubt that if Gabby found out she’d wet the bed again, she would see it as a reason to laugh at her. Or even to drag her to see a doctor, or tell her parents. Tess didn’t need that. It was just a fluke, maybe brought on by her constant worrying about it through the week. There was no way that humiliation in front of others would help her, and she was determined to sort this out herself. She threw her pyjamas onto the bed and bundled them up inside the soaked sheets. Then she added all of her dirty clothes from the week, which had been stacked up in the corner. She didn’t clean herself up yet, instead trying to focus on the chores that could make Gabby suspicious. She threw on clean pyjamas and ran downstairs, pushing the bundle of laundry into the machine. This time it wouldn’t be suspicious to see it running, as she’d already said that she intended to make a habit of washing her clothes weekly. It might be a bit weird to change her sheets twice in a week, but she figured Gabby might overlook that one detail if she didn’t see Tess loading the machine. She made sure that the bedclothes were the first things into the machine anyway, and the graphic T-shirts she’d been wearing in the evenings were at the front, in case Gabby glanced at the stuff through the machine’s door. Waking up early probably meant she would have time to get a shower before breakfast, and maybe even be able to take the clothes out of the machine before she went to school if she understood the settings correctly. It was a long shot, but possible. Then she started trying to make sense of what had happened. She’d drunk wine again last night, sure. But she was practically an adult, one glass shouldn’t have so much effect on her. And it had been only one glass; after what happened the time before, she’d promised herself never to drink too much again. Spike had offered a suggestion as well; a glass of dilute ice tea before bed, to avoid dehydration and make sure that she didn’t feel too bad in the morning. It worked for his dad, he had said. He’d meant for a hangover, but Tess figured that it was good advice to follow. The first time she’d drunk wine with Gabby, she knew she’d had way too much. She’d had a headache in the morning, and the whole world had felt like it was grating on her nerves; she would probably have been moaning about the discomfort, if she hadn’t been busy trying to forget about a much more humiliating problem. So since then, she’d been making up a flask of tea each day, and tried to make a habit of drinking it before bed. If it was a daily ritual, she reasoned, then she wasn’t likely to forget on the few days when she did touch alcohol. On Thursday night she’d had a glass of wine with dinner, which Gabby had topped up again when it was half empty. One and a half glasses of low-alcohol wine, which would be equivalent to less than a single glass of the regular kind. There was no way that would make her feel bad, but she had heard by now that students drinking to excess often underestimated how much they had consumed. So she’d declined another glass and fixed herself a hot chocolate while she finished off her homework, before her usual flask of chilled tea before bed. She thought she would have used the bathroom between finishing her drink and bed; that would be the usual routine, and she would have needed to brush her teeth as well. But she couldn’t remember now. She had a vague memory of feeling completely drained, so tired that she’d been fighting to keep her eyes open as she typed a ‘good night’ message to the friends she’d been chatting with, and that was all she remembered. She needed to fix her sleep cycle then, if that could be what was causing this. She’d been too tired, perhaps because she hadn’t slept properly. Now that she knew, she was determined that it wouldn’t happen again. She nodded, regaining her confidence, and decided that now was the best time to take her shower. If she stuck to the plan without distractions, then Gabby would have no reason to see her as anything but a conscientious near-adult taking care of her chores. “You’re up early,” Gabby’s voice startled her so much that she almost yelled again. She’d got carried away with her introspection, trying to analyse every fragment of memory from the day before, while standing around in the kitchen. Tess mumbled something about wanting to get her chores done before she went to school. Responsible, that was the keyword. That was the face she had to show. “They don’t need me at work until nine,” Gabby said with a disinterested shrug. Tess already knew that she worked flexible hours, but Gabby seemed to repeat herself quite often. “…didn’t want to be holding you up if the baby girl is in a hurry.” “Hey!” Tess yelled, but she was already accepting that she had failed. Gabby knew exactly what happened; she could see the distinctive print of the duvet cover spinning around in the machine. There could have been all kinds of legitimate reasons she was washing it after only a few days of use, but Gabby didn’t ask. She just listened to Tess’s verbal explosion, and waited patiently for her turn to respond. “You said I could call you a baby,” Gabby reminded her. Tess already knew; they’d said several times through the week that she would be treated according to how she acted, and she’d always been thinking that was a good thing. She’d even promised that she wouldn’t object to being called a baby if she ever wet the bed again. It was the kind of promise that was easy to make when she’d been sure it wouldn’t happen, but a lot harder to stick to. She couldn’t think of any valid arguments. She tried to make excuses, to claim that it hadn’t happened, but she couldn’t even form a sentence that sounded believable. Everything she tried to say, the words turned to ashes in her mouth. She had no excuses, so she just yelled instead. She was practically incoherent, and she knew that as soon as she calmed down she would see just how much she was acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum. But for a few minutes she couldn’t stop herself. Gabby didn’t argue. She didn’t even call her a baby again, just set about fixing breakfast. She knew that Tess was upset, perhaps, and wasn’t sure how to deal with that. Tess promised herself that she would be better in future. Next time she wouldn’t take her frustrations out on a cousin who’d only tried to help her. But of course, there wouldn’t be a next time. She was sure of that. She enjoyed breakfast, anyway. And then she had time to take a quick shower before putting on her school uniform. And Gabby dropped her off at the bus stop, just in time to catch her bus to school. Gabby’s last words to her were “baby girl”, which made her heart sink. But she knew there was no malice there; she’d let the word become some kind of joke between them. And if she could just go back to behaving like an adult, she would never need to hear that joke again.

The last time I made a huge turd in my diaper was when I was at the mall I finished watching the second movie that I had wanted to see since I have unlimited movie access per month at Regal. During the second movie I had peed in my diaper pretty strongly twice and farted a few times I knew I had to make a pretty huge turd cause I ate a big breakfast and lunch so as I was getting up during the credits and walking down the stairs, there was a couple of other girls walking out in front of me. I just stopped in, started to make and was a really hard push and was definitely one of the biggest but solid well formed not messy turds I had made in a while. I could really feel the size of it in the diaper. I did have on my plastic pants so I walk out of the theater and not too far to the exit of the mall with a full diaper. It was definitely one of the biggest turds I had in my diaper for a while as I make in  my diaper every morning at every evening as it’s kind of hard for me to hold in I don’t have an official diagnosis of bowel  incontinence, but somehow it’s just not easy for me to hold in in the morning in the evening when I’m peeing strongly so if I have to poop at the same time, I’ll just making my diaper basically the same time as that I’m peeing or a little bit after . My girlfriend did ask about if I would and should use the toilet for making turd, but I told her most of the time it’s just too hard to hold in while I’m peeing cause I feel like I’m starting to make while I’m still peeing. It’s usually too late to try to get to the bathroom and since I have a premium very absorbent diaper, that’s also designed to safely hold a good load of turd. I just basically feel it’s more convenient for me to use my diaper a couple of times a day to make pee and poop. She said it’s probably better than her last boyfriend who was a mean drunk she said if you don’t mind having a big heavy turd in your diaper and even not changing it for a while if I’m comfortable with it, it’s no big deal that I use my diaper for urinary incontinence and for pooping a couple times a day if I’m comfortable with it. She did tell me a friend of hers when she was about 12 had to wear a diaper for urinary and bowel incontinence so her friend would at some point during the day in addition to peeing in her diaper make a pretty large load of poop in her diaper when she was out with my girlfriend Ashley. Her friend Jennifer would just end up pooping in her diaper at some time when they were hanging out my girlfriend Ashley would ask if she was gonna change her diaper right away but sometimes Jennifer just said I’m not that uncomfortable and I’ll change a little while later cause she said sometimes she’d have to make it again soon after she pooped the first time in her diaper so she just wait till she went again and then would usually change fairly soon after that, but she wasn’t uncomfortable keeping on a poop filled diaper because it was always very large and solid and not messy she told my girlfriend Ashley