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Thanks for the kind comments and likes. They made my week. My plan is to release a chapter weekly, on either Saturday or Wednesday. But I'm still working up to that. 9: Reversal Max When we’d entered the toilets, it felt stupid. Both Theo and I knew it: neither of us needed to go. We didn’t need the reminder, or the schedule. Yes, Theo had wet the bed. So what? Yes, he’d peed his pants at school. But it was a one-off. And this was a whole farce. The diapers, the logging, the babying. It was my fault. And yes, I felt so guilty. But so proud of Theo. We’d started heading to the urinals together. But then he’d made a sudden turn, going into the stall instead. His cheeks turned red. This whole situation was bizarre. I’d never entered a bathroom with another guy before, except maybe my Dad, when I was very young. Theo was taking this all in his stride, doing his best to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. But something had made him suddenly more embarrassed than he was a second ago. Did he have an accident? No, of course not! Just because he was wearing a diaper doesn’t mean that he’s not potty trained, or that he has accidents. But why did I even consider that possibility? You started this whole mess. I want you to feel at least some of what I’m feeling. Theo’s words. I didn’t know what I’d decided to do, until I’d got to the urinal. My tank wasn’t entirely empty, but there was absolutely no urgency. I was going to try and pee, anyway. But as I’d started pulling the zipper down, I’d had a realization. I wasn’t going to willingly pee my pants in front of the whole school. That was never going to happen. But this felt private enough. And a weird part of me wanted to. I wasn’t going to over-think it. I was going to do this for Theo. If I’m brave enough. I pulled the zipper back up. I gave myself a countdown, to psych myself up. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go. Nothing happened. I tried to pee, again. Nope. Deep breaths. Eyes closed. “You can do this.” I strained, it felt like all my blood was going into my face. I almost started trying to strain to do the other thing, too. But I did not want to do that. “What are you doing?” I’d never heard Theo sound so gentle before. It made me realize why he was so good with the kids at the daycare. “I can’t do this, Theo.” It felt awful to say; it was like my body was betraying me. I want to do the embarrassing thing. Just let me. “Do what? Use a urinal?” Theo still sounded gentle, but also way more confused. He wasn’t mocking me. The words came out before I realized, “No! I can’t pee my pants.” I wanted to run away, or hide, or disappear. Why had I said that? I was still standing by the urinal, but I let myself sink to the floor. I wanted to see Theo’s reaction, but I also didn’t want to look at him. He wasn’t saying anything, but he wasn’t going away either. He’d also say down on the floor. I let out a sniffle; wanting to cry, but not allowing myself too. I already looked far too weak. We just sat like that, for a few minutes. If other students came in, we didn’t pay them any mind. But there probably weren’t others. The school bell rang, and I expected Theo to get up and just leave me. I half-wanted him to. What was he thinking about someone who just admitted they were trying to wet themselves? He didn’t move. I risked a glance at him. I expected revulsion, hatred, judgment. Those would be the expressions I’d be showing if someone said something like that to me. I’d never let them live it down. There was none of that. Not even the cockiness he normally would have had around me. There was confusion, and concern. He didn’t look away. I didn’t want to, either. But eventually I broke eye contact. “Why do you want to?” Theo asked, seeing that I wasn’t going to say anything. “I… I don’t know.” To show you I’m on your side. To show you that it’s not that bad. Curiosity. Because I don’t think it’s fair that you’re in this alone, and I want to take some of the pressure off. Because you said you wanted me to. Because maybe then people would see me as someone who needs help, too! “Do you know, and you just don’t want to tell me?” “What’s it like?” I asked, instead of answering. “What? Wetting your pants?” Theo asked. I nodded. “Not the greatest. It’s embarrassing. Sticky, cold, smelly. Your clothes cling to you, and everyone can see what you’ve done. And every step is a painful reminder of your shame. It feels like you’re broken, and that you’ll never be fixed. Like everything you’ve ever done doesn’t matter, because now you’ll always just be the guy that peed his pants. That’s why I don’t get why you want to. I’d do anything to take back that day in the cafeteria, but I can’t.” “Theo, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize it was that bad.” He shrugged. “Yeah, well. It is what it is.” “I… I think I wanted to do it for you.” The gentleness went right out of Theo’s expression. “For me?!” “To see what it was like in your shoes. To show you you’re not alone. To try and be a good friend, instead of someone who just knocks others down.” “Oh.” He looked deep in though. “No. I don’t want you to do it for me. That’s not fair on you. You don’t need to ‘come down to my level’, as it were.” “I thought you said you wanted me to.” “Would you feel better if you did?” “I think so. I don’t know.” “Hmm. I have an idea.” Theo Max didn’t actually want to wet his pants, I don’t think. But he wanted to see what it was like in my shoes. I could do some of that, even if it might feel a little weird. Also, it was kind of pissing me off that we were missing class. Max might not care, but he was putting my future in jeopardy. I was praying there wasn’t a spot test, or anything like that. I didn’t really need any of the lessons (except when it comes to math and science, I suppose), but it sets a bad precedent. I didn’t tell Max what my idea was. I was going to wing it. I let my daycare voice come out. It was a little tricky to do when the guy you’re talking to is significantly taller than you. At least he looked a lot like his younger brother, so I could imagine him that way. “So, buddy, how did using the potty go? Were you a big boy?” “Um, Theo, I’m not a little kid. You don’t need to talk to me like—” I put a finger on his lips. “Shh. It’s okay. Looks like someone had a little accident. That’s ok, you’re still growing up.” “What the hell? No, I didn’t!” He was indignant. I imagined him stomping his foot, and sticking out his tongue. I stifled a giggle. “You know better than to use words like that, Maxie. And here I thought you were such a good boy. I tell you what. How about, if you promise to be good for the rest of the day, you get to wear a pull-up instead of a diaper, like the big kid you are?” This was weirdly fun, but I found myself wishing it was Max talking to me like this, rather than the other way around. He still wasn’t really getting it. He didn’t need to actually pee his pants for others to act like he had. After all, that’s what he’d done to me already. “I don’t need diapers,” he frowned. “That’s right! You don’t, kiddo. But, for safety’s sake, little boys who are still potty training, and have had accidents, need to be in pull-ups. That includes you, Maxie.” “Okay, timeout.” He made a T-shape with his hands. “What the hell are you doing, Theo?” “You wanted to see what my life is like. I’m treating you like you treated me, yesterday.” His eyes widened. A little bit of pink went into his cheeks. But he didn’t immediately get up and leave, or shove me, or do anything that I normally would have expected. It looked like he wanted to run, and that would be fine. I wasn’t going to stop him. “Okie, Feo. Jus fow today.” Max I didn’t hate it. No, correction: I did. It felt embarrassing to have Theo of all people talk to me in that way. My every instinct was wanting to fight back, to remind him that he can’t mess with me. And he was laying it on thick. Was it worth it? Probably not. Why was I going along with it, you might ask. I was asking myself the same question. I had no real answers, just lies that I was telling myself. To make Theo feel better. To show him that there was no ill intent. To ease my conscience. To prove that I could be a better little boy than Theo could. Or maybe to prove that I couldn’t, and show Theo that it was better for him to be. I wanted to treat him like a little boy, because that felt good. Being treated like that just… didn’t. Theo took a moment to collect himself after I’d said the words like that. It felt awkward and forced, and I wanted to cringe. “You don’t have to talk like that, Max.” “But—” “I wanted you to see what it feels like, and I’m honored you agreed to try, for today. But it sounds a little ridiculous to me. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to see you in the same way, if you continue.” He looked confused, and deep in thought. “I made you do it yesterday, though,” I pointed out. “Yes, and I hated it. This is embarrassing enough, I don’t want to force anyone to embarrass themselves even further. Even you, Max.” What the hell does Theo want? I thought he wanted to humiliate me, in the same way I’d humiliated him. Now he was backtracking on that. And I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t want him to be nice to me. I mean, I kinda did. But also, I felt guilty enough. And this was just making me feel more guilty. “Huh?” I asked, with more than an ounce of bewilderment. “Let’s work this out as we go. We’ve missed out on quite a bit of class already.” I shrugged. Fine, let’s go to class then. We were still on the floor, so I stood up to leave. Theo reached out for my hand, and gave me a tug. He wasn’t particularly strong, but I got the message. “We agreed that little boys needed pull-ups, buddy. And you’re not wearing one, are you?” He was looking at me expectantly, awaiting my response. “N-no,” I stuttered. “Can you be a big boy for me, and go put one on?” He opened his satchel. It wasn’t particularly obvious, unless you were looking for it, but his bag did have a different shape than normal. I saw why. The part closest to him was more curved than normal. And it was because he had two diapers — no, pull-ups — folded down there to be as discreet as possible. He took one out, and passed it to me. It was blue with a camo print in darker blues and grays. I suppose it was supposed to look cool, and like “big kid” underwear. But it looked more like paint splotches that made the product seem more juvenile than if it had just been plain. “Do I have to?” I whined. Theo shook his head. “No. But I do. Because of you.” He started putting it away. I snatched it from him. “God, Teddy, why do you have to be like that? I’ll put the stupid diaper on.” The stall door clanged against the wall as I opened it with too much force. No way was I gonna put it on right in front of Teddy; I deserved some privacy. I slammed the door, and locked it. What are you doing, Max? Pants and underpants went down and off. I put the brief between my legs. It looked like it was going to be a very tight fit. Why did this feel easier to do than wetting my pants? It should have felt harder, right? But it’s just underwear. Infantile underwear, yes, but nothing more. I started pulling them up. Yes, they were a super tight fit. But they would fit. My pants were back up. I prayed it wasn’t too noticeable. I could hear the crinkle as I left the stall, and I knew I was waddling. Teddy was still there, but he’d stood up, now. It looked like he was waiting for me. The gentleness he’d had earlier was gone. “Were you able to put it on, kiddo? I know some boys and girls need a little help with them at first, cuz they’re not used to changing their own clothes.” It was mocking, and it felt so much worse than before. “Yes, Ted-Theo, I put the pull-up on. Are you happy?” “Wow, well done, Maxie. Do you think you’ll be able to keep it dry all day?” “I’m taking it off before football. No way am I wearing this in the locker room.” He shrugged. “Do what you want, Max.” He was closed off again. Had I done something? Wasn’t this enough? Did he want something more from me? Theo I don’t know where my head was at. My own thoughts were complicated enough, and then you add Max and I get so befuddled. I was kinda glad Max was also in a pull-up. It wasn’t particularly obvious, unless you knew. But he definitely wasn’t wearing undies, that’s for sure. I hated him. I wanted him to know what everything was like. But I also didn’t, really. Mr. Cooper’s classroom was locked, when we went there. It made sense: he didn’t tolerate late-comers, and we were twenty minutes late, now. Thankfully, it didn’t look like there was a test or anything. He was lecturing. He saw me out of the door window, and mouthed “Later.” “What now?” Max asked, and I almost jumped. I didn’t realize he’d followed me. “What do you mean?” I snapped. I was kinda angry at myself for letting myself get close to him. He’s the enemy. Just because he’d been nice for a few minutes this morning didn’t mean that everything could be forgiven. He still thought of me as “Teddy”. He still thought I was pathetic. He still wanted to rile me up. God, Teddy, why are you like that? I didn’t know what he meant. Like what? I was trying to be reasonable. Trying to allow him to have an iota of control, in a way he’d never afforded me. What a waste of time that had all been. Me consoling my bully because he couldn’t wet his pants? And now we were missing class, and probably going to get in trouble. And it was probably going to go on my record. And then anyone who would offer a scholarship would see that I’m unreliable. And so I won’t be able to go to university, or if I did, it would be with awful student loans. And then I’d end up in a dead-end job, and never do anything with my life. And it was all Max’s fault! I stormed away from the classroom and from Max. I had no clue where I was going, but there was time before the next class, and I needed to blow off some steam. I wasn’t going to go hide out in another classroom. No, that was too much like after the day in the cafeteria. When everything had changed. To be honest, it hadn’t really changed that much. Yes, I now had a different form of underwear around my waist. Yes, everyone knew I’d wet my pants. Yes, I was spending more time with Max. But none of that changed who I actually was. None of that said that I couldn’t bounce back. But it still felt like I was no longer good enough. It felt like I’d messed up, and I was no longer trusted to not mess up again. I’d failed the test to prove that I was an adult. And if I’m not mature or an adult, what right do I have to a future? What right do I have to ask for a scholarship, if I can’t even be trusted to not wet myself? My legs ended up taking me to the elementary school playground. It was wooden, and at one time must have been painted in bright primary colors. But over the years, the paint had faded, until it seemed like an afterthought. It had its own charm, in a rustic way. The jungle gym was on top of a sand pit, that looked like it had got a lot of use before school had started. Some toys were still out, including a teddy bear that looked out of place, just because it wasn’t sandy enough. It had a grin on its face, and it made me long for simpler times. I stopped myself from picking the bear up. Instead, I headed for the swing set. I sat down on one of the painted wooden seats. I was kinda grateful for being a little short for my height, because it meant I could still fit fairly easily. I tried to imagine Max on one of the swings, and giggled. There was no way that he’d fit. His shoulders were too broad; he’d need to squeeze himself together. And he was too tall, so he’d have to bend his legs weirdly. No. No thoughts about Max. He’d messed me around too much, already. I took a deep breath in and out. Everything is gonna be ok. I kicked off from the ground, and allowed myself to let go. Up I went. And down. And again. It felt like I was flying. Like I was just me, without anything else. Like I wasn’t a joke. A disappointment. A failure. Like there was still time before life became awful. It had been years since I’d been on swings. I’d stopped playing on them years before everyone else: they were something that kids played on, and I didn’t want to be seen as a kid. No, not “didn’t want to.” Rather, couldn’t afford to be seen as a kid. My short size means that I needed to prove I was more capable and more adult, long before anyone else did. Otherwise, everyone would look down on me. Everyone would think I needed help, or that I was stupid. Or pathetic. And so I’d become a reader. If I can’t intimidate people with my size, then maybe I could convince them with my mind and my words. But now everyone already thought I was a kid. So why not indulge in some childish pleasures? It’s not like they’re gonna make that much of a difference at this point. Swinging on those swings was probably the most free I’d felt in years. Max Teddy stormed off. I let him. He was angry, but I didn’t understand why. It seemed that for every one step forward, we were taking two steps back. Well, guess what? I was also angry. I’d gone out on a limb for him. I’d agreed to go through some of his stupid embarrassing rituals. I was wearing a pull-up. I’d defended him to Brad. Fuck, I’d been willing to wet myself for him. Was that not enough? Was I constantly going to have to prove myself to him? It felt awkward sitting outside the classroom, on one of the benches. Like a naughty kid who’d been sent out of class. I also kinda wanted to storm off like Teddy had. But I had a lot less chances remaining than he did. Turns out that’s what happens when you’re a troublemaker. I didn’t realize what I was doing until it was almost too late. “Did you know Teddy’s wearing a diaper today? It’s almost like he really is a little boy.” I’d typed the message out into the group chat I had with the Pack. Thank goodness I hadn’t hit “Send” yet. I hurriedly deleted the text field. I’m better than that. Or maybe I’m not, but I want to be. Some of the admin staff gave me some side glances as they walked past, but no-one really talked. It was kinda boring, sitting around doing nothing. I didn’t trust myself with my phone right now. And being grounded at home meant I didn’t really have any homework to do. I’ve always hated reading. I’m not the most patient person, and it often feels like authors never get to the point. But at least it was something to do, to waste some time. I was reading when the bell rang. Theo hadn’t returned from wherever he’d gone. I was about to enter Mr. Cooper’s classroom to apologize, when he came and spoke to me. “I hope you’re not being a bad influence on Theo, Max. It’s not like him to miss class, or be late for it.” I looked down. I felt guilty, and I didn’t want to lie. Theo had missed class because of me, but I didn’t know how to explain that. But also, no, screw him and his self-righteousness. “We were dealing with something personal. I was helping him.” Mr. Cooper’s eyes grew big. “Did something happen? Is everything ok?” “I think it’s up to him to tell you, if he wants to.” A single nod. “Thanks for protecting his privacy. If he needs more time away from class, he can always get a pass. I’ll ask him about that. You two didn’t miss much, but I was hoping to talk to him after class. I won’t lie that you don’t seem the kind of person he would normally spend time with. I don’t know whether to be proud of you, or proud of him, for expanding your social circle.” We’re not kids! I wanted to yell at him. What kind of teacher talks about eighteen year olds that way? We’re not these little social groups that the teachers need to manage, to make sure everyone is happy. “I’ll tell him you want to see him,” I said, getting up to go to my next class. *** Around an hour later, I stood by the AP Math classroom door. My feet were moving back and forth. More waiting around, sigh. Thank goodness Theo was actually in the classroom; I was a little worried that he wouldn’t return after storming off. Was it a little creepy that I knew his schedule so well? I doubted he knew mine half as well. Ok, I lied. Yes, I was moving my feet back and forth, but it wasn’t because of boredom. There was a more pressing need — I was technically doing a potty dance, but trying to make it look as discreet as possible. Theo looked so cute at the moment. His face was compressed together, like he was overthinking and confused. Everyone else in the class seemed to be done with the test they were writing, but Theo was still writing more and more. I knew Math wasn’t something Theo enjoyed. Honestly, I was kinda surprised he was in the AP class for it. Either way, his Math skills were still vastly superior to mine. It still felt kinda awkward standing outside a classroom door. I felt out of place. This felt less bad, because I wasn’t in trouble. That didn’t mean I wasn’t getting skewed looks from some of the students in the class. If we were going to continue to do this (and I wanted to, I think), we needed to come up with a plausible excuse. My Family and Consumer Sciences class had gone quicker than planned: it was a relatively simple meal to cook, so I’d finished with loads of time to spare. While I loved those classes, I tended to rush. I couldn’t let anyone know that I was taking the classes. It had been a long argument with my parents just to let me; I didn’t want anyone else to think less of me. But now it meant I had plenty of time standing around, before the bell would ring. To while away the time, I people watched. The classroom was one of those with big windows, so it wasn’t like I needed to look through the tiny glass window in the door itself. The desks were arranged in rows, with the old-school style opening desks. Some of the classrooms had got newer ones, but the teachers made do with what they had. The blackboard had times written on it, with most of them crossed out. I think one of the guys was fast asleep. If this were my class, and I’d wanted to be a troublemaker today, I probably would have tried to do something with that. But I was content to watch. Theo took a sip from his juice bottle. The sippy cup I’d given him. It had embarrassed him a lot last week, but now it didn’t seem to phase him. If he wasn’t ashamed of it, no-one could tease him about it. And frankly, it was a better look for him. Not because it made him more like a kid: that was just a bonus. More because I knew he was clumsy. And this prevented messes. It did look a little incongruous, though. Theo was smart. But this room and all the pressure was taking too much from him. Why couldn’t he ever just relax? Have fun? Let down his guard? My bladder gave a little spasm, but I held on. It was close to the scheduled time, any way. That’s why I hadn’t just gone straight to the toilets; I should be able to hold it. I think me trying to pee earlier probably made this a little trickier. But how the hell had Theo managed to hold it in for so long on Monday? And even yesterday, for that matter. There’s no way I would have lasted anywhere near as long. To be honest, the two hour schedule wasn’t too different from when I would normally go. It was just a little more formalized. And there was no way I was going to admit to that. The bell rang. The rest of the students got up, gathering their things. The difference in noise between the silence of a second ago, and the volume of the conversations that suddenly bubbled up was startling. It shouldn’t have been; it was an everyday thing. But it felt different today. I guess I was kinda more aware of people than I normally am. I needed to feel less noticeable, or for people to not pay attention to me. That was kinda different; normally I wanted to be noticed. “Theo, time’s up,” Ms Hall said. He was still furiously writing. “Dammit,” Theo stopped, and handed his paper over. It was so easy to imagine him pouting just then. But his face remained neutral. It became more guarded when he noticed me. I didn’t want a repeat of yesterday, or earlier, or to add any extra pressure. So I didn’t go into the room, or remind him, or even talk to him. Please don’t take too long… His eyes widened as he saw me potty dancing. I don’t know how he could tell that’s what I was doing, when no-one else seemed to. He packed up his satchel faster than I know he normally would have. I felt grateful for that. No eye contact. Barely any acknowledgment I was there. Just a single word, “Come”, and he started heading towards the toilets. He set a rapid pace, which wasn’t entirely ideal. I matched it, though. “C-can we talk?” I asked, hesitantly. “Fine. But go potty first.” He didn’t say it mockingly, nor gently. Just factually. The Theo from earlier was gone. Or, at least, he wasn’t going to show that side to me at the moment. Theo My word, but Max had looked just like Luke back then. He needed to pee, but he didn’t want anyone to know. Moving to and fro, like that? Come on. He’s not angsty. Or if he is, he doesn’t show it. Or any emotion for that matter. I’ve been trying to get a read on him for ages, but he’s incredibly closed off. What? Any ammunition against your tormentor is useful. Luke “danced” just like that when he needed to pee. It was an easy enough tell. But I was confused that Max had waited for me. I didn’t get his deal. What the hell was he getting out of this? If he needed to pee, why didn’t he just go? At least he was a little bit of a distraction. That test had been awful. I was certain I was going to fail it. And I didn’t know how to deal with that. If I focused on that, I was going to spiral again. So I thought about Max instead. Somehow, that felt safer. I still didn’t like that I’d let him get to me, earlier. I shouldn’t let anyone have such an impact on my emotions. I was going to keep it formal and business-like. No baby-talking on either side. No acknowledgment of anything slightly embarrassing. “C-can we talk?” Did he still want to pee his pants? He was acting like it: it was obvious he needed to go, but this was a delaying tactic. And then he was probably going to blame me. Nope, not happening. “Fine. But go potty first.” There. Now he can’t blame me; I told him he could go. I didn’t like how I’d said it. I was still thinking of him a little like Luke, and so I used a more childish word than I should have. We entered two stalls next to each other. Neither of us wanting the other to see the underwear we had on. Or risk anyone else seeing it if they came in. I wasn’t desperate, but peeing right then did sound like a good idea. I filled in the information on the log. I was half-tempted to ask Max how his “log” was going. I didn’t know if he’d filled it in after the drama that happened earlier. If he truly wanted to know what it was like, then theoretically I should be the one filling it in. But no, I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to nip this in the bud, not grow it. We left the stalls around the same time. He was shaking his head, looking down at his pull-up. His face was bright red, but I acted like I didn’t notice. After washing our hands, we left the room. I wasn’t going to be having more private conversations in the toilets; it just seemed weird. I sat down on one of the nearby benches; Max joined me. It was a free period block, so there wasn’t that much pressure to get to our next class. “So? Talk, then,” I prompted Max. “Why did you run away?” he asked, quietly. “I— I can’t do this, Max. This whiplash is too confusing.” He looked hurt and confused. Why could I read his emotions so easily now, when normally it was impossible? It made me like him more, but the fact that I liked him more made me hate him more. This was so mixed up. Why did I suddenly want to comfort him so badly? Worse, why did I want him to comfort me? I continued, “First , you’re mean to me, and I hate you. Then you start being kind and I start liking you. Then it feels like that was just an act, and you’re just trying to hurt me more. Then I stop trusting myself, and say it’s all in my head. Then I try to get away from you. But you allow yourself to be humiliated, to spend time with me. You tell me you care about me. And then you act like I’m a fuck-up. You don’t even respect my desire to not be called a name that I have explicitly asked not to be called. When I try to accommodate you, you insult me. But then later you act like nothing went wrong, and you’re worried about me again. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME, MAX?” He leaned in to hug me, like he had earlier today. I pushed him away. “I’M TRYING MY BEST, THEO. YES, I’M A SHITTY PERSON. YES, I FUCKED UP.” “SO, WHAT? I’M JUST SUPPOSED TO FORGIVE YOU, BECAUSE YOU’VE TURNED OVER A NEW LEAF OR SOMETHING?” “NO! YES, MAYBE.” I didn’t want to be angry with him, but I needed to be. I stopped shouting. “I can’t do that. Your actions have consequences that I have to live with. Meanwhile, you get away scot-free. And you were reluctant to even follow it for a few hours. My new reality that you forced on me. How can I forgive you when every single step is a reminder of my humiliation? When even seeing you is a reminder that my Mom doesn’t believe me? That I’m a fucking disappointment.” I was staying strong, but a large part of me wanted to start sobbing. He looked hurt, and I felt a sense of satisfaction in that. “You’re right. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But you’re not a disappointment.” I shrugged. “I am, but it’s fine.” “No, Theodore Montgomery. If we never speak again, I need you to hear this. You are not a disappointment. You are special, dedicated, smart. Look, I’ve tried to break your spirit for years, and never succeeded. You are one of the coolest people I know. Fuck the diapers. Fuck the wet pants. You’ve pushed yourself so incredibly hard. You deserve a break. But in no world are you a disappointment. No-one can be perfect all the time. I know you try to be, and that’s not fair on you.” I blinked a few times. He’d said something similar earlier, before Brad had come. I believed that he believed what he was saying. But I didn’t think I could think that about myself. I wished I could. But just hearing nice words wasn’t going to make me believe I wasn’t a failure. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have anything to say. Max continued. “I truly am sorry. I didn’t realize. Your life is hard enough, and I hate that I’m making it harder. I wanted to spend time with you, but I don’t want to hurt you. We’ll stop the potty logging. I’ll stay out of your way.” A single nod of acknowledgment. Max picked up his things, and left me sitting there, shocked.

Kiddo Premium Night.

Good girl Gabby your finally listening and learning.

Honestly I didn't think anyone really liked this story so I stopped working on it. But maybe I'll pick it back up!