Trading Post

Also hairless where it matters. In relation to hygine, hair in that area is a genetic kickback to when we did not wear clothes, and its purpose is to trap heat while keeping area cool. It also prevents rain water from touching the skin and reducing core body temp. However, when one is in a diaper 24/7, fluids on these hairs can migrate the lenght of the hair and enter the skin at the follicle. This is a souce of rash - and where it comes from the hairs, it is usually a yeast infection which can be difficult to treat / elminate. It is usually poop that creates rashes, but when one uses a barrier cream (diaper creams), on bare skin, this prevents those types of rashes where with hairy skin tthe cream is matted in the hairs and doesnt protect the skin.  

Chapter 16 Something to Wonder About By the end of Aino's second week in Elisa's apartment, most of the cardboard boxes had disappeared. A few remained in the corner of the bedroom, filled mostly with things Aino had apparently considered important enough to move but not important enough to unpack. Elisa had suggested that this might be evidence that she didn't actually need them. Aino had explained that this was not how possessions worked, and the boxes had remained where they were. Everything else had gradually found a place. Aino's books filled the new shelf in the living room. Her shoes stood beside Elisa's in the hallway, her shampoo had appeared in the shower, and the little ceramic dish beside the bed had acquired several pairs of earrings and a hair tie Aino had been looking for since Tuesday. Bunny spent most days propped against the pillows. The apartment no longer felt as though Aino were staying with Elisa. She simply lived there. She was getting used to the rest of her new life too. Elisa left for work early on weekdays, usually after kissing Aino goodbye and making some comment about the unreasonable luxury of being allowed to stay in bed. Aino rarely did. She would get up, make coffee and decide what to do with a day that contained no meetings, deadlines or stacks of old invoices waiting to be entered into a system. At first, all that empty time had felt slightly irresponsible. Now she was beginning to enjoy it. Her cough had disappeared completely. Her eyes no longer burned, and the headaches that had followed her through the last weeks in Tallinn had gone with them. She slept better than she had in months. Sometimes she went for a long walk simply because the weather was good. Sometimes she read until she noticed that several hours had passed. She cooked, went shopping, rearranged things around the apartment and occasionally met Elisa for lunch when her schedule allowed it. There were still moments when Aino thought she ought to be doing something more useful. One evening she mentioned that she had looked at a few job advertisements during the day. Elisa, who was standing at the bedroom mirror removing her earrings, caught Aino's eyes in the reflection. "Anything interesting?" "Maybe." "Maybe?" "There was one data analyst position that looked quite good." Elisa placed the earrings in the little dish beside the bed. "Then save it." "I did." Aino waited. Elisa turned towards her. "What?" "I thought you were going to tell me not to apply." "I didn't say that." "No." "But you were expecting me to." Aino considered denying it and decided there was little point. "A little." Elisa smiled and came over to where she was sitting on the edge of the bed. "You can apply for anything you want. I just don't think you need to worry about it yet." "I'm not worried." "I know." Elisa bent down and kissed her forehead. "Then there's no hurry." Aino wrapped her arms loosely around Elisa's waist and rested her cheek against her. There was something reassuring about Elisa's certainty. Aino had spent most of her adult life approaching decisions as problems requiring sufficient information, preferably arranged in a format that could be compared. Elisa seemed quite capable of deciding that something could wait until next week and then simply not thinking about it again. Aino was discovering that, at least for a while, she was happy to let her. That Saturday, they spent the afternoon exploring the neighbourhood. Elisa showed Aino her favourite café, a small park and a second-hand bookshop she thought Aino might enjoy. The bookshop proved to be a dangerous discovery. Aino emerged nearly an hour later carrying three books. Elisa stared at the bag. "Three?" "They were cheap." "That's what you said about the last two." "These are different." "Naturally." Aino grinned. "One of them is about mathematical puzzles." Elisa sighed dramatically. "I've made a terrible mistake. I've brought a mathematician into my home." "Our home," Aino reminded her. Elisa slipped an arm around her waist. "Our home." They started towards the park, but after a few steps Aino slowed down. "Can we stop somewhere first?" "Of course. Coffee?" Aino shook her head and lowered her voice slightly. "I need to change." Elisa glanced at her, then back towards the row of shops behind them. "There's a café around the corner. They'll have a bathroom." "Okay." Elisa took the bag of books from her. "I'll carry these." Aino handed it over without argument, and they continued down the street. By the time they reached the park, Aino had her books back and Elisa had acquired two takeaway coffees. They found a bench overlooking a small pond, and Aino sat beside her and watched two ducks quarrelling over a piece of bread someone had dropped. "That one's definitely Juhani," she said suddenly. Elisa followed her gaze. "Which one?" "The angry one." Elisa burst into laughter. "Oh, that's cruel." "Look at him! He's shouting at everyone." "You're right. And the other one's probably his accountant." Aino laughed so hard she had to wipe her eyes. Elisa rested her head against Aino's. "What are you thinking about?" Aino smiled. "Nothing important." "Tell me anyway." Aino watched the ducks for another moment. "I'm happy here." Elisa kissed her temple. "Good. Because I intend to keep you." Aino laughed. "You make me sound like a stray cat." "A very clever stray cat." "With expensive taste in books." "Terribly expensive." They sat together until the afternoon began to cool. It was a few days later that Aino saw Mikko. She was walking through the city centre after picking up a few things when she spotted him coming towards her. Mikko noticed her at almost exactly the same moment, and for a second both of them seemed to consider whether there was still enough distance between them to pretend they hadn't. Apparently there wasn't. "Hi," Aino said. "Hi." Mikko stopped in front of her. There was still some awkwardness between them, although it no longer carried quite the same sharpness it had after the board meeting. "I heard you were back." "Yes." "How's Tallinn?" "Hopefully still there." Mikko gave her a look. "I meant the job." "Oh. I quit." That surprised him. "You quit?" "Yes." A small smile appeared on his face. "Good." Aino raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't expecting that." "Don't read too much into it." "I wasn't planning to." That almost made him laugh, and something between them relaxed. "How are things in Helsinki?" Aino asked. "Same as always. We had a management lunch yesterday." "I'm sorry." "You should be. The food was terrible. Juhani said it was worse than what they serve on trains." Aino smiled. "That sounds like something he'd complain about." "Apparently he's become an expert. He said he spends half his life on the same long-distance train these days." "The same train?" "Pretty much every day, apparently." Mikko shrugged. "Anyway, I should go. I'm already late." "Okay." He hesitated for a moment. "It was good seeing you." Aino smiled slightly. "You too." Mikko lifted a hand in goodbye and continued down the street. Aino walked on. She had almost reached the next crossing when she found herself thinking about Juhani again. The same train. Almost every day. That was different. An occasional meeting could be anywhere. Clients and site visits could take him all over Finland. But if Juhani really was taking the same long-distance train almost every day, then presumably he kept going to the same place. Aino crossed the street. She wondered where. That evening, Aino told Elisa about running into Mikko. They were having dinner at the kitchen table. Elisa had come home later than usual, changed out of her work clothes and tied her hair back, and was now picking pieces of bell pepper out of her food and arranging them along the edge of her plate with the concentration of someone performing a necessary but deeply irritating task. Aino watched the pile grow for a while. "You know you could just not put them on your plate." "They were already there." "You served yourself." Elisa glanced up at her. "That isn't the point." Aino decided not to pursue the matter. "I saw Mikko today." That got Elisa's attention more effectively than the peppers had. She looked up, her fork pausing halfway to the edge of the plate. "Mikko?" "By accident." For a moment, Elisa said nothing. Then she put down her fork. "How was that?" "A little awkward." "I can imagine." "But not terrible." Aino told her briefly about the encounter. Elisa listened without interrupting, and when Aino mentioned that Mikko had seemed pleased she'd quit, one corner of her mouth lifted. "Maybe there's hope for him after all." "I thought you liked Mikko." "I did. Until he decided to be angry with you." "He had a reason." "I guess so. I'm still allowed to dislike him." Aino smiled and took another bite. There was something pleasing about Elisa holding a grudge on her behalf, particularly when Aino herself wasn't entirely convinced that Mikko had done anything wrong. The conversation could easily have ended there. Perhaps it should have. But the question that had followed Aino home returned as she watched Elisa make another unsuccessful attempt to separate a piece of pepper from the rest of her dinner. "Mikko said something strange about Juhani." The change in Elisa was small enough that Aino might have missed it if she hadn't been looking directly at her. Her expression didn't harden, exactly, but the amusement disappeared from it. "What?" "Apparently Juhani said he's spending half his life on the same long-distance train. Almost every day." "So?" "I don't know." "Aino." "I don't know," she repeated. "I just thought it was interesting." Elisa picked up her fork again. "Maybe he's visiting one of the other sites." "Almost every day?" "Maybe." "That would be a lot of travelling." Elisa looked at her across the table. "Are you investigating Juhani's train habits now?" "No." Aino hesitated. "Not yet." She had intended it as a joke, or at least mostly as one, but Elisa didn't smile. Instead, she leaned back in her chair and let out a slow breath. "I really don't think you should start looking for mysteries where there might not be any." "I'm not looking for a mystery." "You're wondering where he goes." "Yes." "Which is none of your business." The sharpness of the words caught Aino off guard. Until then the conversation had seemed almost casual, and she found herself looking down at her plate as though she might discover what she had done wrong somewhere between the potatoes and the sauce. "I was only curious." "I know. And your curiosity has a habit of becoming a project." Aino opened her mouth, then closed it again. There were several possible objections to that statement, but unfortunately none of them survived even a brief comparison with the available evidence. Elisa pushed her plate away slightly. "Juhani is a sexist drunk, Aino. He's arrogant, vindictive and quite possibly one of the most unpleasant men I've ever worked with. That doesn't mean he's laundering money." Aino stared at her. "I didn't say he was laundering money." "You were thinking something." "I was wondering why he's taking the same train every day." "Exactly." "That's not the same thing." "No, but I know you." Elisa rubbed a hand across her forehead and exhaled. "Things at work have finally started settling down. The board has stopped tearing itself apart, we're getting back to something resembling normal business, and I might actually be getting somewhere." Aino looked up. "What do you mean?" Elisa hesitated. When she spoke again, some of the irritation had left her voice. "I haven't told you because nothing's official yet." "What isn't?" "They're restructuring some of the responsibilities in senior management. I've been asked whether I'd be interested in taking over a larger part of the Finnish operations." For a moment, the argument disappeared completely from Aino's mind. "Elisa, that's huge." "It could be. If it happens." "Of course you're interested." A faint smile appeared on Elisa's face. "Obviously." Aino reached across the table and took her hand. Despite everything, a little burst of pride warmed her chest. Elisa had worked towards something like this for years; Aino knew enough about her to understand how much it mattered, even if Elisa was trying to make it sound like another item on tomorrow's agenda. "You should have told me." "I was going to. I just didn't want to make a big thing out of it before I knew there was something to make a big thing out of." Aino asked what the new role would involve, and for a few minutes the tension between them eased. Elisa explained what she knew, cautiously enough that Aino could tell she was trying not to become too excited herself. Nothing had been promised yet. There were discussions still to be had, people who needed to approve the changes, responsibilities that hadn't been properly defined. It sounded, nevertheless, like a promotion. Aino was genuinely happy for her. Which was perhaps why the next question came out before she had considered whether asking it was wise. "Is that why you don't want me asking about Juhani?" Elisa's hand went still beneath hers. "No." "But if something was happening at the company—" "Aino." "I only meant—" "I know what you meant." Elisa withdrew her hand and reached for her glass, leaving Aino's resting alone in the middle of the table. "This isn't about my promotion." "Not at all?" "Of course I don't want another disaster at work." Elisa took a drink before setting the glass down. "But that's not why I'm telling you to leave this alone." Aino waited. "You got out," Elisa continued. "You don't work there anymore. You don't answer to Juhani, and he has no reason to make your life miserable unless you give him one." "I wasn't planning to contact him." "That's not the point." "Then what is?" "The point is that this doesn't concern you anymore." Aino felt something small and stubborn tighten inside her. The statement bothered her more than she thought it should. Perhaps because Elisa hadn't said that investigating Juhani was dangerous or pointless. She had simply decided that it wasn't Aino's concern. "What if there's actually something wrong?" "You have absolutely no reason to think there is." "Not yet." For a moment Elisa simply looked at her. Then her expression hardened. "Don't get involved in things that don't concern you, Aino." The kitchen fell quiet. Aino could hear the low hum of the refrigerator behind her and the faint sound of a car passing outside. She wanted to point out that curiosity wasn't the same thing as involvement. She wanted to ask why Elisa got to decide what did and didn't concern her. Most of all, she wanted to know why one insignificant comment about a train had turned what had been an ordinary dinner into this. But Elisa looked tired, and suddenly Aino was tired too. She lowered her eyes to her plate. "Fine." They finished eating without returning to the subject. Nothing was obviously wrong afterwards, which somehow made the rest of the evening more uncomfortable. Elisa loaded the dishwasher while Aino wiped down the table. They moved around the kitchen without getting in each other's way, just as they had learned to do over the past couple of weeks, and if anyone had been watching them through the window, Aino supposed they would have looked perfectly normal. That was almost worse. Usually Elisa would bump her hip against Aino's when she passed or steal whatever towel Aino happened to be using. Sometimes she would come up behind her while she was washing something and wrap her arms around her waist for no particular reason. Tonight she simply put the dishes away and went into the living room. They watched television together afterwards. Or at least the television was on. Elisa sat at the other end of the sofa with her laptop open, answering emails while Aino tried to follow a programme she had lost interest in somewhere during the first ten minutes. Elisa answered whenever Aino said something and even smiled once at something on the screen, but the easy warmth of the past weeks was missing. Aino became increasingly aware of the empty cushion between them. Normally she would have crossed it without thinking. She would have put her feet in Elisa's lap or tucked herself beneath her arm, and Elisa would have made room automatically. Tonight, for reasons Aino couldn't quite explain even to herself, asking for that closeness suddenly felt much more difficult. After half an hour she realised she had no idea what was happening on the television. She glanced at Elisa. Elisa was reading something on her screen, her face illuminated by the pale light of the laptop. Aino looked back at the television. A few minutes later, she tried again. "Are you still working?" "Just finishing something." "Oh." Elisa typed another sentence. Aino pulled her feet beneath herself and wrapped her arms loosely around her knees. She told herself that Elisa really might simply be working. She had come home late, and if her responsibilities were increasing, there were probably more emails than usual. There was no reason to assume that the distance between them was deliberate. In fact, Aino could think of several perfectly reasonable explanations for it. None of them made her feel any better. She missed Elisa. The realization irritated her slightly. They had been sitting less than two metres apart for most of the evening. Missing someone under those circumstances seemed inefficient. Eventually Elisa closed the laptop. "I'm going to get ready for bed." "Okay." Aino watched her disappear down the hallway. The television continued playing to an audience of one, but after another minute Aino switched it off and followed. Elisa was in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Aino changed into her night clothes, checked her diaper almost absent-mindedly and then sat on the edge of the bed with Bunny in her lap. She stroked one of his ears between her fingers while she waited, although she wasn't entirely willing to admit that waiting was what she was doing. Usually Elisa would have come to her. When she finally entered the bedroom, she gave Aino a small, tired smile and walked around to her own side of the bed. Aino felt her stomach sink. "Elisa?" "Mm?" "Are you angry with me?" Elisa stopped and looked at her. "No." "You are." "I'm not angry." Aino lowered her eyes to Bunny and ran her thumb along the worn fabric of his ear. "You're different." For a moment Elisa didn't answer. Aino could feel the silence stretching between them, and with every second she became more certain that asking had been a mistake. Then Elisa came around the bed and sat beside her. "I'm tired, Aino. And I didn't like where that conversation was going." "I wasn't going to do anything." "I know." "But you're still upset." Elisa was quiet for a moment before sighing. "A little, maybe." Aino nodded and continued stroking Bunny's ear. She thought about dinner. About the question she had asked about Elisa's promotion. About the way Elisa's hand had disappeared from beneath hers. The whole argument suddenly seemed unnecessary. She hadn't even known where Juhani was going. She had nothing except a comment Mikko had repeated to her on the street, and somehow she had managed to turn it into the first real tension between herself and Elisa since moving in. The apology reached her lips before she had quite decided to give it. "I'm sorry." Elisa's expression softened. "For what?" "For pushing it. About Juhani." Aino hesitated, then forced herself to continue. "And for making it sound like you only cared because of your promotion. That wasn't fair." Something in Elisa relaxed. The tension that had been sitting in her shoulders seemed to loosen, and when she looked at Aino again, the distance in her expression was gone. "No," she said quietly. "It wasn't." Aino nodded. For a few seconds neither of them moved. Then Elisa opened her arms. "Come here." The relief that swept through Aino was so immediate that it almost embarrassed her. She didn't hesitate. She moved across the bed and into Elisa's embrace, Bunny getting caught awkwardly between them until Elisa gave a soft laugh and pulled him free. "Careful. You're crushing the rabbit." "Sorry." "I don't think he's offended." Elisa placed Bunny safely back in Aino's arms before drawing her closer. Aino curled against her, settling her head beneath Elisa's chin, and almost immediately felt a familiar hand slide into her hair. There. That was what had been missing. Aino closed her eyes as Elisa slowly combed her fingers through her hair. A kiss landed on her forehead, followed a moment later by another against her temple, and the tight feeling that had been sitting beneath Aino's ribs all evening began to loosen. "I don't want to fight with you," Elisa murmured. "Me neither." "I worry about you." "I know." "You've only just got away from all of that. I don't want to watch you walk straight back into it because you found another question that needs an answer." Aino shifted slightly against her. "I know." Elisa touched her cheek, tracing it gently with the backs of her fingers before brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "All right," she murmured. "I think my little girl has worried about enough things for one evening." Aino looked up at her. Something in Elisa's expression had changed. The tiredness was still there, but beneath it was the familiar softness Aino had come to recognise. "Mommy's got you." Aino hadn't asked this time. Somehow, that made it even nicer. "Okay, Mommy." Elisa smiled and kissed her forehead. "That's my girl." Aino wriggled closer until there was hardly any space left between them, Bunny tucked safely against her stomach. Elisa adjusted without complaint, drawing the duvet partly around them before wrapping both arms around Aino again. "Better?" she asked. Aino nodded against her chest. "Much." "I thought so." There was a hint of amusement in Elisa's voice now, the familiar warmth returning so completely that Aino wondered whether she had imagined some of the distance earlier. Elisa kissed the top of her head and continued stroking her hair, occasionally letting her fingertips trail down the back of Aino's neck before beginning again. Aino let herself relax. The question of Juhani suddenly seemed very far away. There would be time to think about it tomorrow, or next week, or perhaps never. Right now she had Elisa's arms around her, Bunny pressed against her chest and the quiet certainty that everything between them was all right again. That mattered much more. After a while Elisa reached over to switch off the bedside lamp, but instead of turning away afterwards, she settled back against the pillows and pulled Aino with her. "Sleep, baby." Aino tucked her head beneath Elisa's chin again. "Good night." "Good night, sweetheart." The room went quiet. In the darkness, Elisa's fingers continued their slow path through Aino's hair. Aino listened to her breathing and felt the steady rise and fall of her chest beneath her cheek. With every stroke, the unpleasant tension of the evening receded a little further until it seemed difficult to remember why it had felt so important in the first place. She was warm. She was safe. Elisa wasn't distant anymore. Aino smiled faintly against her. She was happy again. For several minutes she thought of nothing at all. Then, just as she was beginning to drift towards sleep, the thought returned with irritating precision. The same train. Almost every day. Aino kept her eyes closed. There was no reason to think about it now. Elisa was right about that much. Juhani wasn't her boss anymore, and whatever he did with his days was no longer her responsibility. Still, the question remained, small and stubborn at the back of her mind. Where was he going?

@the_petite_une When one reverts to wearing padding at night, the scenario can, and has in your case, convince your mind that it is ok to weep and wet while asleep. The body adapts to doing two acts - one reducing the vasopressin (the enzyme that the body creates that restricts the water being placed into the bladder which enables the bladder to last the 7-9 hours asleep) and relaxing the internal sphincters to allow urine to weep out. This is one of the processes that a pre-toilet trained child does while sleeping - fully relaxes all muscles including the sphincters. Your process of waking mid sleep period by alarm does enforce the toilet training, and the retention of urine but since you have stopped that, your body reverts to relaxing the sphincters while asleep. This, you feel as a sleep interupption when tou are not padded until your vasopressin levels rebalance. You have created the scenario that most aspiring bed wetters are seeking - and did it without intention.  In relation to the pooping dream, this is your subcontious questing you do you feel alright / do you accept the scenario if you happen to poop while asleep. The embarrament dream is based on prior events of being embarrased for having accidents in your pants during toilet training. Your mind is seeking the calm and caring you encountered as a baby / toddler where it was fully accepted that you use diapers for everything awake or asleep - and it is fully up to you whether you embrase this or not. If you do not accept / embrase this as a methodolgy of reaching calmness, you will have to find another method for calmness OR attempt to remove the source of this level of stress in your life. This soothing method seems to work for you in your life at the moment, and since it is within the privacy of your bedroom, there is no harm or foul. Fully accepting this will mean that you will wake up wet and sometimes messy. Fighting this will increase the stress where you might need to address this with a therapist.  In the meantime, I suggest that you talk with a therapist, who I expect will firstly try and get you to reduce / remove the stressors in your life as they are really not good for you - however, it seems that you (your mind) are handling that. Dreams, according to Freud, are ways the mind sorts out the complexities of the day / week, and also a way the mind trys to communicate with the person in a way that the person can understand.  Whichever way you chose, I wish you well. Night diapers may just be a part of your life from now on - and unless the stress is addressed, there is a possibilty that it can progress to day diapers.  

I'm also smooth down there. I find being hairless better for hygiene particularly after a messy diaper.

Is there a way to move / close / hide the blue circular 'Chat with Others' icon that floats above everything else and hides text as in my view, it is in the way when reading some posts that are full screen width. I can close the one that identifies the active moderator, but the blue one that also identifies the count of members in chat blocks text in post where I have to scroll to read what is under it. This also causes me to missread the line as the only straight line is the edge of the window at the bottom of the screen. Zooming out to 100% does locate this blue icon off the text, but it can make the text too small to read comfortably as the text box is now smaller than the width of the screen. I am surprised that readability was not addressed in the design of the site, where a hyperlink or button that can be switched off / hidden was not used. Instead, some developer chose to use a floating icon that although is a nice look, it's functionality and visual appeal is more frustrating when one does not wish to enter chat at that time and prefers to read the posts. Secondly, why are some posts full width, and others 3/4 width. I can understand the reduction where there are product advertisements on the right hand side of the screen, but there are some pages that are 3/4 width with nothing on the right hand side.